THE KANGAROO COMMUNIQU

by MURAKAMI Haruki
translated by J. !ili" Gabriel
Hi# !$% are y$u&
T!is '$rnin( ) %ent t$ a *$$ in t!e nei(!b$r!$$d t$ see t!e kan(ar$$s. It+s n$t a ,ery
bi( *$$# but s$'e!$% t!ey+,e 'ana(ed t$ (at!er t$(et!er '$st e,ery kind $- ani'al.
E,eryt!in( -r$' ($rillas t$ ele"!ants. /ut i- %!at y$u+re a-ter+s a lla'a $r an anteater#
t!en y$u+d better n$t ($ t!ere. T!ere aren+t any lla'as $r anteaters. N$ i'"alas $r !yenas
eit!er. N$t e,en a le$"ard.
Instead# t!ey+,e ($t -$ur kan(ar$$s.
One is a baby# b$rn 0ust t%$ '$nt!s a($. And t!ere+s $ne 'ale and t%$ -e'ales. I !a,e
n$ idea %!at kind $- -a'ily $r(ani*ati$n t!ey !a,e.
E,ery ti'e I l$$k at a kan(ar$$ I al%ays -ind it stran(e t$ t!ink $- %!at it+d be like t$ be
$ne $- t!e'. 1!at are t!ey 0u'"in( all ar$und a silly "la2e like Australia -$r& And %!y
are t!ey killed by su2! an a%k%ard s$rt $- sti2k as a b$$'eran(&
I really d$n+t kn$%.
/ut# %ell.it d$esn+t really 'atter. It+s n$ bi( deal.
At any rate# %!ile I %as %at2!in( t!e kan(ar$$s I -$und 'ysel- %antin( t$ send y$u a
letter.
3$u 'i(!t t!ink t!is a little %eird. 41!y did y$u %ant t$ send 'e a letter a-ter
%at2!in( kan(ar$$s& 1!at d$ kan(ar$$s !a,e t$ d$ %it! 'e&5 y$u+ll ask. /ut "lease
d$n+t %$rry ab$ut t!at. It d$esn+t 'atter. Kan(ar$$s are kan(ar$$s and y$u are y$u.
1!at I 'ean is t!is.
T!ere are 67 subtle ste"s bet%een t!e kan(ar$$s and y$u# and %!en I -$ll$%ed t!e' $ne
by $ne in t!e 2$rre2t $rder# I arri,ed at %!ere y$u are. T!at+s all t!ere is t$ it. E,en i- I
tried t$ e8"lain all $- t!ese ste"s t$ y$u $ne at a ti'e# I d$n+t t!ink y$u+d understand and
besides I d$n+t e,en re'e'ber t!e'.
9Cause t!ere+re 67 $- t!e':
I- t!e $rder $- any $ne $- t!e' !ad ($tten 'essed u"# I %$uldn+t !a,e been sendin( y$u
t!is letter. Instead I 'i(!t !a,e all $- a sudden de2ided t$ 0u'" $n t!e ba2k $- a s"er'
%!ale in t!e Ar2ti2 O2ean. Or I 'i(!t !a,e set -ire t$ t!e nei(!b$r!$$d t$ba22$ s!$".
Guided by t!is sta2k $- 67 2$in2iden2es# t!$u(!# !ere I a' sendin( y$u a letter.
It+s all ,ery stran(e.
O.K.# let 'e be(in by intr$du2in( 'ysel-.
I+' ;7# and %$rk in t!e 'er2!andise 2$ntr$l se2ti$n $- a de"art'ent st$re. T!is is.as I
t!ink y$u 2an easily i'a(ine.a terribly b$rin( 0$b. <irst# %e 2!e2k t!e 'er2!andise
"ur2!ased by t!e st$2k de"art'ent t$ see i- t!ere+re any de-e2ts. 1e d$ t!is t$ 'ake sure
n$ 2$*y relati$ns!i" builds u" bet%een t!at de"art'ent and t!e %!$lesalers# but it+s all
d$ne kind $- !al-=!eartedly. 1e sit ar$und s!$$tin( t!e bree*e# "ullin( at s!$e bu2kles#
$r takin( bites $ut $- 2akes# 0ust t!in(s like t!at. T!is is %!at t!ey 'ean by 'er2!andise
2$ntr$l.
And $ne '$re 0$b# a2tually $ur 'ain $ne# is t$ ans%er 2$'"laints %e (et -r$'
2ust$'ers ab$ut $ur 'er2!andise. <$r instan2e# t%$ "airs $- ne% st$2kin(s b$t! ($t runs
in t!e'# $r a %ind=u" t$y bear -ell $-- a table and %$n+t %$rk any'$re# $r a bat!r$be
s!rank by a >uarter in t!e %as!in( 'a2!ine. T!$se ty"e $- 2$'"laints.
1ell# y$u 'i(!t n$t be a%are $- it# but t!e nu'ber $- t!ese 2$'"laints is de"ressin(ly
lar(e. T!ere+re s$ 'any t!at -$ur e'"l$yees# runnin( ar$und all day# 2an+t kee" u" %it!
t!e'. ?$'e 2$'"laints see' 0usti-ied# and s$'e are $utra(e$us. And s$'e are !ard t$
"la2e in eit!er (r$u".
<$r 2$n,enien2e+s sake %e di,ide t!e' int$ t!ree ranks# A# /# and C. In t!e 'iddle $-
t!e r$$' are t!ree lar(e b$8es labelled A# /# and C# and %e t!r$% t!e letters int$ t!e'.
1e 2all it t!e 9T!ree=?te" Criti>ue $- Reas$n.5 O- 2$urse t!is is an in=0$ke at t!e $--i2e.
lease d$n+t let it b$t!er y$u.
Any%ay# t!e t!ree ranks are as -$ll$%s@
A. Reas$nable 2$'"laints. Cases in %!i2! $ur 2$'"any 'ust take res"$nsibility. 1e
take a (i-t b$8 $- s%eets t$ t!e 2ust$'er+s !$use# and e82!an(e t!e 'er2!andise -$r
s$'et!in( a""r$"riate.
/. Cases in %!i2! $ur 2$'"any is n$t t$ bla'e# eit!er '$rally# le(ally# $r a22$rdin( t$
standard business "ra2ti2e. In $rder n$t t$ da'a(e t!e st$res re"utati$n# and t$ a,$id any
unne2essary tr$uble# !$%e,er# %e take t!e a""r$"riate a2ti$n.
C. Cases in %!i2! it is 2learly t!e 2ust$'er at -ault. 1e e8"lain t!e situati$n and re>uest
t!at t!ey %it!dra% t!eir 2$'"laint.
N$%# 2$n2ernin( y$ur 2$'"laint %e re2ei,ed t!e $t!er day# a-ter 2are-ul e8a'inati$n#
%e ye arri,ed at t!e 2$n2lusi$n t!at it+s t!e ty"e t!at s!$uld be ranked C. T!e reas$n %!y
is.all ri(!t& lease listen 2are-ully.
). T!e re2$rd t!at y$u b$u(!t ;. es"e2ially a-ter a %eek !as "assed 6. %it!$ut a re2ei"t#
2ann$t be e82!an(ed. N$ 'atter %!ere y$u %ent in t!e %$rld y$u 2$uldn+t e82!an(e it.
A$ y$u understand %!at I+' sayin(&
T!is ends 'y $--i2ial e8"lanati$n.
3$ur 2$'"laint !as been re0e2ted.
H$%e,er# i- $ne distan2es $nesel- -r$' t!e $--i2ial "$siti$n=s$'et!in( I+' al%ays
d$in(='y "ers$nal rea2ti$n t$ y$ur 2$'"laint=t!at y$u 'istakenly b$u(!t /ra!'s
instead $- Ma!ler=is $ne $- sin2ere sy'"at!y. T!is isn+t a lie. And t!at is "re2isely %!y
instead $- a "er-un2t$ry $--i2e 'e'$# I+' sendin( y$u t!is kind $-# in a 2ertain sense#
inti'ate 'essa(e.
T$ tell y$u t!e trut!# all %eek I+,e tried $,er and $,er t$ %rite y$u a letter.
I+' ,ery s$rry# but a22$rdin( t$ standard business "ra2ti2es# %e 2an+t e82!an(e y$ur
re2$rd. /ut s$'et!in( in y$ur letter t$u2!ed 'e# and "ers$nally# blab blab blab.... T!at
kind $- letter. /ut I ne,er 2$uld %rite it %ell. It+s n$t t!at I+' "$$r at %ritin(# it+s 0ust t!at
%!en I de2ided t$ %rite# t!e %$rds %$uldn+t 2$'e. T!e %$rds t!at did 2$'e %ere n$t t$
t!e "$int. It+s a stran(e t!in(.
?$ I de2ided n$t t$ re"ly. I- I+' ($in( t$ send y$u an in2$'"lete letter# it+d be better n$t
t$ send anyt!in(. A$n+t y$u t!ink s$& I d$. An i'"er-e2t 'essa(e is like a 'i8ed=u" train
s2!edule.
/ut t!is '$rnin(# in -r$nt $- t!e kan(ar$$+s -en2e# I e8"erien2ed t!e a22u'ulati$n $- 67
2$in2iden2es and !ad a re,elati$n. 1!at t!is %as# in $t!er %$rds# %as an en$r'$us
in2$'"leteness.
1!at# y$u 'i(!t ask# is an en$r'$us in2$'"leteness&=and %ell y$u 'i(!t ask. An
en$r'$us in2$'"leteness# %ell# t$ "ut it si'"ly# 'i(!t be s$'et!in( like s$'e$ne in
e--e2t endin( u" -$r(i,in( s$'e$ne else. I -$r(i,e t!e kan(ar$$s# t!e kan(ar$$s -$r(i,e
y$u# and y$u -$r(i,e 'e=t!is kind $- t!in(# -$r e8a'"le.
H'''.
T!is kind $- 2y2le# !$%e,er# is n$t "er'anentB s$'eday t!e kan(ar$$ 'i(!t n$t %ant t$
-$r(i,e y$u. /ut d$n+t (et an(ry at t!e kan(ar$$ 0ust be2ause $- t!is. It+s n$t t!e
kan(ar$$+s -ault $r y$ur $%n. And it+s n$t 'y -ault. T!e kan(ar$$# t$$# !as ,ery
2$'"li2ated reas$ns -$r t!is. 1!$ 2$uld e,er 2riti2i*e a kan(ar$$&
T$ (rab !$ld $- t!e instant is all %e are able t$ d$. T$ (rab !$ld $- t!e instant and take a
s$u,enir "!$t$(ra"!. In t!e -r$nt r$% -r$' t!e le-t# y$u# t!e kan(ar$$# and 'e.
I (a,e u" tryin( t$ %rite it d$%n. N$ 'atter %!at I did it %$uldn+t 2$'e $ut ri(!t. <$r
instan2e# i- I %rite t!e %$rd 42$in2iden2e#5 %!at y$u -eel -r$' t!e s!a"e $- t!is %ritten
%$rd 'i(!t be 2$'"letely di--erent=$r e,en t!e $""$site=$- %!at I -eel -r$' t!e sa'e
s!a"e. I t!ink t!is is ,ery un-air. I+,e stri""ed t$ 'y unders!$rts# but y$u+,e $nly und$ne
t!ree butt$ns $- y$ur bl$use. It+s really un-air.
?$ I b$u(!t a 2assette ta"e# and de2ided t$ re2$rd t!e letter t$ y$u dire2tly.
C1!istlin(. Ei(!t bars $- 4T!e C$l$nel /$(ey Mar2!.5D
H$%+s t!at& Can y$u !ear 'e&
I d$n+t kn$% !$% y$u+ll -eel %!en y$u re2ei,e t!is letter=I 'ean ta"e. I 2an+t e,en
i'a(ine. Maybe y$u+ll -eel ,ery uneasy ab$ut it. /e2ause=be2ause in res"$nse t$ a letter
$- 2$'"laint -r$' a 2ust$'er t!e !ead $- 'er2!andise 2$ntr$l re2$rds !is re"ly $n a
2assette=and it+s a "ers$nal 'essa(e=and sends it# a !i(!ly irre(ular# and de"endin( $n
y$ur ,ie%"$int# really stu"id t!in( t$ d$. I- it d$es 'ake y$u uneasy# and y$u send t!is
ta"e ba2k t$ 'y b$ss# it+d "ut 'e in a terribly deli2ate "$siti$n at t!e $--i2e.
I- y$u+d like t$ d$ s$# "lease ($ a!ead.
I- t!at !a""ened# I %$uldn+t be an(ry $r !ate y$u. 3$u see# %e+re $n a )EEEFE e>ual
-$$tin(. T!at is# I !a,e t!e ri(!t t$ send y$u a letter# and y$u !a,e t!e ri(!t t$ "ut 'y
'eans $- 'akin( a li,in( in 0e$"ardy.
T!at+s ri(!t# isn+t it.
1e are e>ual. lease 0ust re'e'ber t!at.
O!# ri(!t# I -$r($t t$ tell y$u s$'et!in(. I+,e na'ed t!is letter t!e 4Kan(ar$$
C$''uni>ue.5
E,eryt!in( needs a na'e.
Get+s say y$u+re kee"in( a diary. Instead $- %ritin( s$'et!in( l$n( like 4T$day an
ans%er t$ 'y 2$'"laint 2a'e -r$' t!e 2!ie- $- 'er2!andise 2$ntr$l at t!e de"art'ent
st$re#5 y$u 2an 0ust %rite 4T$day t!e 9Kan(ar$$ C$''uni>ue+ 2a'e.5 And it+s a
%$nder-ul na'e# d$n+t y$u t!ink& <r$' -ar a2r$ss t!e br$ad "lain# a kan(ar$$ %it! 'ail
in its "$u2! 2$'es !$""in( y$ur %ay.
Ra" ra" ra". CT!e s$und $- a table bein( !it.D
T!is is a kn$2k.
Kn$2k kn$2k kn$2k... d$ y$u see&
I- y$u d$n+t %ant t$ $"en t!e d$$r# y$u d$n+t !a,e t$. Eit!er %ay is all ri(!t. I- y$u
d$n+t %ant t$ listen any'$re# "lease st$" t!e ta"e and t!r$% it in t!e (arba(e 2an. I 0ust
%ant t$ sit $utside y$ur d$$r and talk by 'ysel- -$r a little %!ile# t!at+s all. I !a,e n$ idea
%!et!er y$u+re listenin( t$ 'e $r n$t. I- I !a,e n$ idea# t!en it d$esn+t really 'atter
%!et!er y$u listen $r n$t# d$es it& Ha !a !a.
OK.any!$% let+s d$ it.
In2$'"leteness# t!$u(!# is >uite tr$ubles$'e. I didn+t t!ink talkin( in -r$nt $- a 'ike
like t!is %it!$ut any s2ri"t $r "lan %$uld be s$ !ard. I -eel 0ust like I %as standin( in t!e
'iddle $- a desert s"rinklin( %ater ar$und %it! a 2u". T!ere+s n$t!in( t$ see and n$
res"$nse.
?$ I+,e started talkin( t$%ard t!e needle $n t!e HU 'eter. 3$u kn$% %!at a HU 'eter
is# d$n+t y$u& It+s t!at t!in( %it! t!e needle t!at s!akes and $s2illates a22$rdin( t$ t!e
,$lu'e. I d$n+t kn$% %!at t!e H and t!e U stand -$r. /ut e,en s$# t!ey are t!e $nly
"resen2es t!at s!$% a res"$nse t$ 'y s"ee2!.
1ell...
/y t!e %ay# t!ey !a,e a si'"le set $- ,alues.
In $t!er %$rds# H and U.
T!is H and U are like# %ell# a 2$'edy tea'. I- n$t H# t!en U# i- n$t U# t!en H. 1!at a
%$nder-ul %$rld. It 'akes n$ di--eren2e t$ t!e' %!at I talk ab$ut. All t!ey+re interested
in is !$% 'u2! 'y ,$i2e 'akes t!e air tre'ble. T!at+s all. <$r t!e'# be2ause t!e air is
tre'blin(# I e8ist.
Isn+t t!at (reat&
1!en I l$$k at t!e'# I -eel like sayin( anyt!in(# 0ust t$ kee" $n talkin(.
?i(!...
T!at re'inds 'e. T!e $t!er day I sa% a really sad '$,ie. It %as ab$ut a 2$'edian t!at
n$ $ne lau(!ed at# n$ 'atter !$% 'any 0$kes !e t$ld.
3$u understand& Not a single person laughed.
Talkin( in -r$nt $- t!is 'ike like I a' n$%# I suddenly I- re'e'bered t!at '$,ie.
It+s a stran(e t!in(.
T!e sa'e lines s"$ken by $ne "ers$n are s2rea'in(ly -unny# but s"$ken by s$'e$ne
else are n$t -unny at all. ?tran(e# isn+t it& I t!$u(!t ab$ut it# and -elt t!at 'aybe t!e
di--eren2e is s$'e!$% inb$rn. I 'ean# y$u kn$%# t!e ti"s $- t!eir se'i=2ir2ular 2anals are
2ur,ed a little '$re t!an $t!er "e$"le# s$'et!in( like t!at.
?$'eti'es I t!ink ab$ut !$% !a""y I+d be t$ !a,e t!at ability. T!in(s I al%ays -ind
-unny t!at !a,e 'e r$llin( $n t!e -l$$r# $n2e I tell t!e' t$ $t!ers are n$t a bit interestin(
and are sur"risin(ly b$rin(. I -eel like I+,e be2$'e t!e ?and'an $- E(y"t. And -irst $-
all...
A$ y$u kn$% ab$ut t!e ?and'an $- E(y"t&
3$u see# u!I t!e ?and'an $- E(y"t %as b$rn t!e "rin2e $- E(y"t. A l$n( ti'e a($# t!e
a(e %!en t!ere %ere t!e "yra'ids and t!e s"!in8 and all. /ut sin2e !e !ad su2! an u(ly
-a2e=a really terribly u(ly -a2e=t!e kin( s!unned !i' and aband$ned !i' dee" in t!e
0un(le. And %!at !a""ened ne8t %as !e %as raised by %$l,es $r a"es. N$t s$ unusual.
And t!en -$r s$'e reas$n !e be2$'es t!e ?and'an. 1!ate,er t!e ?and'an t$u2!es
2!an(es int$ sand. /ree*es 2!an(e t$ sandst$r's# br$$ks be2$'e strea's $- sand# and
"lains turn int$ deserts. T!at+s t!e st$ry $- t!e ?and'an. Heard $- it& 3$u !a,en+t# ri(!t&
T!at+s be2ause I 'ade it u". Ha !a !a.
Any!$%# talkin( t$ y$u t!is %ay 'akes 'e -eel like t!is be2$'e t!e ?and'an.
E,eryt!in( I t$u2! turns t$ sand# sand# sand# sand# sand# sand.
I?$'e!$% I+,e talked t$$ 'u2! ab$ut 'ysel- /ut i- y$u t!ink ab$ut it# it 2an+t be
!el"ed. 9Cause I d$n+t kn$% anyt!in( ab$ut y$u. All I kn$% ab$ut y$u is y$ur na'e and
address# t!at+s it. I !a,e n$ idea !$% $ld y$u are# !$% 'u2! y$u 'ake a year# %!at s!a"e
y$ur n$se is# %!et!er y$u+re -at $r t!in# 'arried $r n$t. /ut t!$se are n$t i'"$rtant. It
'i(!t e,en be better t!at I d$n+t kn$%. I %ant t$ !andle e,eryt!in( si'"ly# as si'"ly as
"$ssible# in a %$rd# 'eta"!ysi2ally.
1!at I 'ean is# I !a,e y$ur letter !ere.
T!at+s en$u(! -$r 'e.
Just like a *$$l$(ist %!$ 2an 2al2ulate -r$' dr$""in(s !e+s 2$lle2ted in t!e 0un(le an
ele"!ant+s diet# be!a,i$ral "atterns# %ei(!t# and se8 li-e# based $n $ne letter I 2an -eel t!e
e8isten2e $- a "ers$n.y$u. O- 2$urse -a2ial -eatures# brand $- "er-u'e# et2.# t!$se kind
$- useless t!in(s are le-t $ut. E8isten2e=itsel-.
3$ur letter %as really >uite 2a"ti,atin(. T!e style# !and%ritin(# "un2tuati$n#
"ara(ra"!in(# r!et$ri2=e,eryt!in( %as -la%less. N$t $utstandin(. Just -la%less.
E,ery '$nt! I read $,er JEE letters# but !$nestly t!is is t!e -irst ti'e I+,e e,er read $ne
s$ '$,in(. I snu2k y$ur letter !$'e# and read it $,er and $,er. T!en I analy*ed it
t!$r$u(!ly. ?in2e it %as a s!$rt letter# t!is %asn+t 'u2! tr$uble.
I -$und $ut a l$t t!r$u(! analy*in( it. <irst $- all# t!e $,er%!el'in( nu'ber $- 2$''as.
<$r e,ery "eri$d t!ere %ere 7.67 2$''as. A l$t# d$n+t y$u t!ink& T!at+s n$t all. T!e %ay
t!e 2$''as %ere used really %ent a(ainst all rules.
lease d$n+t t!ink I+' 'akin( -un $- y$ur %ritin(. /e2ause I a' si'"ly '$,ed.
Moved.
N$t 0ust by t!e "un2tuati$n. All t!e ele'ents $- y$ur letter.e,en t!e sin(le ink stain.
ar$used and s!$$k 'e.
1!y&
/e2ause# in t!e -inal analysis# in t!$se senten2es y$u are n$%!ere t$ be -$und. O- 2$urse
t!ere+s a st$ry. A (irl.$r a %$'an.b$u(!t t!e %r$n( re2$rd. T!$u(! s!e !ad t!e
-eelin( t!at t!e %r$n( "ie2es %ere $n it# it %as a %eek be-$re s!e reali*ed s!e+d b$u(!t
t!e %r$n( re2$rd. T!e sales 2lerk %$uldn+t e82!an(e it -$r !er. ?$ s!e %r$te a letter $-
2$'"laint. T!is is t!e st$ry.
I !ad t$ read y$ur letter t!ree ti'es be-$re I underst$$d t!at st$ry. /e2ause y$ur letter
%as 2$'"letely di--erent -r$' t!e $t!er letters sent t$ us. T$ "ut it "lainly# t!ere+s n$t
e,en a 2$'"laint in y$ur letter. N$ e'$ti$n eit!er. T!e $nly t!in( t!at is "resent is.t!e
st$ry.
T$ tell y$u t!e trut!# I %as a little %$rried. I 2$uldn+t -i(ure $ut i- y$ur letter %as 'eant
t$ be a 2$'"laint# a 2$n-essi$n# a de2larati$n# $r %!et!er it %as t!e establis!'ent $- a
kind $- t!esis. 3$ur letter 'ade 'e t!ink $- a ne%s "!$t$(ra"! $- a 'assa2re. N$
2a"ti$n# n$ arti2le# 0ust a "!$t$(ra"!. A "!$t$(ra"! taken in s$'e na'eless 2$untry
beside s$'e unkn$%n r$ad# $- 2$r"ses stre%n ab$ut.
I 2an+t e,en -i(ure $ut %!at it is y$u %ant. 3$ur letter is like t!e 0u'bled 2$'"le8ity $-
a 'akes!i-t ant !ill# (i,in( n$ 2lue as t$ %!ere t$ be(in. A 'ar,el$us t!in(.
/an( ban( ban(I a 'assa2re.
T!at+s ri(!t# let+s si'"li-y t!in(s -urt!er. Make t!e' ,ery ,ery si'"le.
1!at I 'ean is# y$ur letter u"li-ts 'e se8ually.
T!at+s %!at I 'ean.
I+d like t$ talk ab$ut se8.
Kn$2k kn$2k kn$2k.
A kn$2k.
I- y$u aren+t interested# "lease st$" t!e ta"e. I+ll talk t$ t!e HU 'eter by 'ysel-. /lab
blab blab.
OK&
T!e -r$nt le(s are s!$rt and !a,e -i,e t$es# %!ile t!e re'arkably lar(e !ind le(s !a,e
-$ur. Just t!e -$urt! t$e is -ully de,el$"ed. T!e se2$nd and t!ird t$es are >uite s'all and
are -used.
... T!is is a des2ri"ti$n $- a kan(ar$$+s -eet. Ha !a !a.
1ell t!en# ab$ut se8.
E,er sin2e I t$$k y$ur letter !$'e# all I+,e been t!inkin( ab$ut is slee"in( %it! y$u. In
bed %it! y$u beside 'e# %!en I %ake u" in t!e '$rnin( y$u+re still t!ere. 1!en I %ake
u" y$u+re already u" and I 2an !ear t!e s$und $- a dress bein( *i""ed. /ut Il... !ey# d$
y$u kn$% t!ere+s n$t!in( t!at breaks as easily as t!e *i""er $n a dress&I I kee" 'y eyes
2l$sed and "retend t$ be aslee". I 2an+t see y$u. And y$u %alk a2r$ss t!e r$$' and
disa""ear int$ t!e bat!r$$'. T!en -inally I $"en 'y eyes. I eat and ($ t$ %$rk.
T!e ni(!t is "it2! bla2k=I+,e "ut u" s"e2ial blinds $n t!e %ind$% t$ 'ake it t!at %ay=
and $- 2$urse I 2an+t see y$ur -a2e. I d$n+t kn$% y$ur a(e $r %ei(!t# $r anyt!in(. ?$ I
2an+t t$u2! y$ur b$dy %it! 'y !and.
/ut# %ellI t!at+s all ri(!t.
T$ tell t!e trut!# it+s all ri(!t %!et!er I !a,e se8 %it! y$u $r n$t.
IN$# it isn+t.
Get 'e t!ink -$r a 'inute.
OK.t!is is %!at I 'ean. I %ant t$ slee" %it! y$u. /ut it+s OK i- %e d$n+t. 1!at I
'ean is I %ant t$ be in as -air a "$siti$n as "$ssible. I d$n+t %ant t$ -$r2e "e$"le t$ d$
anyt!in( $r !a,e t!e' -$r2e 'e. It+s en$u(! t$ -eel y$ur "resen2e beside 'e# t$ !a,e
y$ur "un2tuati$n 'arks runnin( ar$und and ar$und 'e.
A$ y$u understand 'e&
1!at I 'ean is t!is.
?$'eti'es it+s ,ery tryin( -$r 'e t$ t!ink ab$ut t!e indi,idual. A s$$n as I d$ 'y b$dy
-eels like it+s ab$ut t$ be br$ken int$ "ie2es.
Take# -$r instan2e# %!en I+' ridin( $n a train. T!ere+re se,eral d$*en "e$"le ridin( $n
t!e train. In "rin2i"le t!ese are 'erely 4"assen(ers.5 4assen(ers5 2arried -r$' A$ya'a
It2!$'e t$ Akasaka Mitsuke. /ut s$'eti'es I (et t$ -eelin( ,ery uneasy ab$ut t!e
"resen2e $- ea2! "assen(er. 1!at 2$uld t!is "ers$n be# %!at 2$uld t!at "ers$n be# %!y is
!e ridin( $n t!e Gin*a Gine& And t!en it+s t$$ 'u2!. On2e I start t$ -eel uneasy t!ere+s
n$ end t$ it. T!at $--i2e %$rker+s startin( t$ ($ bald $n b$t! sides $- !is -$re!ead# isn+t
!e... t!e !air $n t!at (irl+s s!ins is a little t!i2k# %$nder i- s!e s!a,es $n2e a %eekI %!y
is t!at y$un( (uy sittin( $,er t!ere %earin( t!at tie %!$se 2$l$r 2las!es&Ilike t!at. And
-inally 'y b$dy starts tre'blin( all $,er and I %ant t$ lea" -r$' t!e train. T!e $t!er day
.y$u+ll "r$bably lau(!.I %as $n t!e ,er(e $- "us!in( t!e e'er(en2y brake butt$n
beside t!e d$$r.
/ut 0ust be2ause I+,e t$ld y$u t!is# d$n+t (et t!e idea t!at I a' "arti2ularly sensiti,e $r
ner,$us. I a' n$t $,erly sensiti,e $r ner,$us. I+' a ,ery $rdinary# e,eryday $--i2e
%$rker# t!e kind y$u see e,eryday# %!$ %$rks in t!e 'er2!andise 2$ntr$l se2ti$n $- a
de"art'ent st$re. And I like t!e sub%ays.
And it+s n$t t!at I !a,e any se8ual "r$ble's eit!er. I !a,e a (irl-riend# and sin2e ab$ut a
year a($ %e+,e been slee"in( t$(et!er t%i2e a %eek# an arran(e'ent %e re b$t! "retty
satis-ied %it!. /ut I+,e been tryin( ,ery !ard n$t t$ t!ink t$$ dee"ly ab$ut !er. I d$n+t
-eel like 'arryin(# eit!er. I- %e ($t 'arried# I+' sure I+d start t$ t!ink dee"ly ab$ut !er#
and I !a,e abs$lutely n$ 2$n-iden2e %e+d be able t$ (et al$n( $n2e t!at started. T!at+s
t!e %ay it is# isn+t it& I- y$u %$rry ab$ut t!e %ay t!e teet! $- t!e (irl y$u+re li,in( %it!
are ali(ned# $r t!e s!a"e $- !er nails# it %$n+t %$rk $ut.
lease let 'e talk a little '$re ab$ut 'ysel-.
T!is ti'e %it!$ut any kn$2ks.
I- y$u+,e listened t!is -ar# "lease listen all t!e %ay t$ t!e end.
Just a '$'ent. I+' ($in( t$ !a,e a 2i(arette.
CRustle rustleD
...U" till n$% I+,e !ardly e,er said a t!in( ab$ut 'ysel- t$ any$ne. 9Cause t!ere+s
n$t!in( 'u2! t$ talk ab$ut. E,en i- I did# "r$bably n$ $ne %$uld be interested.
?$ %!y a' ) talkin( t$ y$u t!is %ay&
It+s be2ause# like I said be-$re# ri(!t n$% I a' ai'in( at an en$r'$us in2$'"leteness.
1!at %as it t!at t$u2!ed $-- t!is !u(e in2$'"leteness&
3$ur letter and -$ur kan(ar$$s.
Kan(ar$$s.
Kan(ar$$s are -as2inatin( ani'als# and I ne,er (et tired $- l$$kin( at t!e'# n$ 'atter
!$% 'any !$urs I %at2!. 1!at are t!ey t!inkin( ab$ut& T!ey 0u'" 'eanin(lessly r$und
t!eir en2l$sure all day# and $22asi$nally di( !$les in t!e (r$und. And %!at d$ t!ey d$
%it! t!ese !$les t!ey+,e du(& N$t!in(. T!ey 0ust di( !$les. Ha !a !a.
A kan(ar$$ (i,es birt! t$ 0ust $ne baby at a ti'e. ?$ a -e'ale kan(ar$$ (ets "re(nant as
s$$n as s!e+s (i,en birt!. I- it %eren+t t!at %ay t!ey 2$uldn+t 'aintain t!eir nu'bers. A
-e'ale kan(ar$$# t!en# s"ends nearly !er %!$le li-e in "re(nan2y and raisin( y$un(. I-
s!e isn+t "re(nant# s!e+s raisin( t!e'# i- n$t raisin( t!e'# t!en "re(nant. ?$ y$u 2an say
t!at kan(ar$$s e8ist t$ 'ake kan(ar$$s 2$ntinue t$ e8ist. 1it!$ut t!e e8isten2e $-
kan(ar$$s# t!ey %$uldn+t 2$ntinue t$ e8ist# and %it!$ut t!e ($al $- 2$ntinuin( t!e
e8isten2e $- kan(ar$$s# kan(ar$$s t!e'sel,es %$uldn+t e8ist.
It+s a stran(e t!in(# isn+t it.
I+' s$rry t!e $rder $- %!at I+,e said !as ($tten all 'i8ed u".
I+ll talk ab$ut 'ysel-.
A2tually# I+' e8tre'ely -rustrated by !a,in( t$ be 'ysel-. N$t by 'y l$$ks $r ability $r
"$siti$n. Just by 'y bein( 'ysel-. I -eel it+s e8tre'ely un-air.
N$% "lease d$n+t (et t!e idea -r$' t!is t!at I a' a ,ery -rustrated "ers$n. I+,e ne,er
$n2e 2$'"lained ab$ut 'y 0$b $r salary. ?ure# 'y 0$b is "$intless# but s$ ar2 '$st 0$bs.
And '$ney+s n$t a bi( "r$ble'.
Get 'e be '$re "re2ise.
I %ant t$ be in t%$ "la2es at $n2e. T!is is 'y $ne and $nly desire. /esides t!is I !a,e n$
$t!er desires.
/ut t!is se"arate entity kn$%n as 'e (ets in t!e %ay $- t!is desire. A$n+t y$u t!ink t!is
is a ,ery un!a""y -a2t& T!is desire $- 'ine is a '$dest $ne# I t!ink. It+s n$t t!at I %ant t$
be t!e leader $- t!e %$rld $r an artisti2 (enius. Or t$ -ly t!r$u(! t!e air. I 0ust %ant t$
e8ist in t%$ "la2es at $n2e. N$t t!ree $r -$ur# y$u understand# 0ust t%$. 1!ile listenin( t$
an $r2!estra in a 2$n2ert !all# I %ant t$ r$ller=skate. 1!ile bein( t!e !ead $- a de"art'ent
st$re+s 'er2!andise 2$ntr$l# I %ant t$ als$ be a M2A$nald+s Quarter $under. 1!ile
slee"in( %it! 'y (irl-riend# I %ant t$ be slee"in( %it! y$u. 1!ile bein( an indi,idual# I
als$ %ant t$ be a uni,ersal.
Get 'e !a,e an$t!er 2i(arette.
?i(!...
I+' a little tired.
I+' n$t used t$ t!is# talkin( s$ !$nestly ab$ut 'ysel-.
One t!in( I %ant t$ a--ir'@ I d$n+t !a,e any se8ual desire t$%ards y$u# a %$'an. As I
said be-$re# I a' ,ery an(ry at t!e -a2t t!at I 2an $nly be 'ysel-. /ein( a sin(le
indi,idual 'akes 'e terribly un!a""y. I 2an+t stand $dd nu'bers. ?$ I d$n+t %ant t$
slee" %it! y$u as y$u t!e indi,idual.
H$% %$nder-ul it+d be i- y$u 2$uld be s"lit in t%$# and I 2$uld be s"lit in t%$# and t!$se
-$ur "e$"le 2$uld s!are a bed. A$n+t y$u a(ree&
lease d$n+t send a re"ly. I- y$u %ant t$ send 'e a letter# send a letter $r 2$'"laint in
2are $- t!e 2$'"any. I- y$u d$n+t !a,e any 2$'"laint t$ 'ake# t!ink $- s$'et!in(.
1ell# t!at+s all.
I 0ust "layed t!e ta"e ba2k u" t$ t!is "$int. T$ tell y$u t!e trut!# I+' n$t satis-ied %it! it
at all. I -eel like t!e (uy in 2!ar(e $- -eedin( ani'als at t!e a>uariu' %!$ lets a sea li$n
die by 'istake. I %$rried >uite a l$t ab$ut %!et!er t!is ta"e+s s$'et!in( I s!$uld send t$
y$u $r n$t.
E,en n$% t!at I+,e de2ided t$ send it# I+' still %$rried.
At any rate# I+,e been as"irin( t$ in2$'"leteness# s$ I (uess I s!$uld ($ al$n( %it! it
%it!$ut any >ual's. 1!at su""$rts it all are y$u and t!e -$ur kan(ar$$s.
1ell# t!at+s all.