7KinectDisastersThatRuined

MotionControlledGaming
http://www.gamescdkey.com/news/7-kinect-disasters-that-ruined-motion-
controlled-gaming
MicrosoftsKinectmotiongamingsystemhasbeentorntopiecessincethemomentitlandedon
storeshelves.Perhapsweexpectedtoomuch.Butwhocouldblameus?Gobackandhavealook
at the marketing hype that Microsoft kicked up in the prerelease buildup. Go and watch Peter
MolyneuxgivingusthisMinorityReportfantasywherewecontrolthefuturewithourfingertips.
WatchastheMilo&Kateprojectconvincesusthatwellsoonbeinteractingwithvirtualfriendsso
authenticthat it will be safe to cut off ties with our real life acquaintances altogether. And then
watchasweareflungbacktoreality,lurchingthroughallmannerofhorrifyingKinectnightmares.
Sludgy, barely playable garbage or blatant cashins by developers trying to jump on the motion
control bandwagon which many believe had already rumbled past. And then, to compound the
problem,developersstillexpectedustorenovateourhomestomakeenoughopenareaforthe
damn thing to register our presence in the first place. For some of these games you were only
properly catered for if you lived in an aircraft hangar. Over the years since launch weve been
treatedtoahostofessentiallybrokengameswhichsomehowpassedqualitycontrol,soletshave
alookatafewoftheworstoffendersreleaseswhichhadusweepingwoefullywitheachmisread
control gesture, and panting with frustration as we flailed madly through yet another rubbish
sportsgame;thereleaseswhichsuckedthelifeoutofdancerhythmgamingwithnearnonexistent
motiondetection;andthegameswhichjustleftusfeelingreallystupid,standingaloneinfrontof
our televisions, tearfully wishing for the good old days when wecould just sit onthe couch and
playpropervideogames.BynowKinectisallbutredundantitsnotwithoutreasonthatMicrosoft
sawfittobacktrackonthecompulsoryinclusionoftheupdatedversionwithallXboxOneconsoles
andthesegamesaresomeofmainculpritswhichsawpeoplelosefaithinthetechnology.
7. ZumbaFitness
Whatalovely,colourfulworkoutDVDthiswas!Exceptthatitwassupposedtobeagame,nota
Simon Says workout session. Zumba Fitness was an exceptional showcase of Kinects palpable
disinterestinyouandtheeffortyoureputtingin.Yes,yourewelcometobounceintimetothe
horridlyfestivemusic,followingtheonscreendancersvigorousroutines,butyoureallyshouldnt
botherthisgameisblissfullyunawareofyouractions.Justlikeyourfavouritegymteacherfrom
school, the one who let the class watch movies in the AV room when it was drizzling, this most
forgiving fitness instructor doesnt demand much from the player. Which one would have to
considercounterproductive,sincethisisafitnessgame.Wereheretogetfit,tobuildupasweat,
toshedafewBigMacs.So ithardlyhelpsthatZumbaFitnessishappytohaveyouwavingyour
armsaroundwillynillyregardlessofwhatshappeningonthescreen.Thatbeingsaid,itsprobably
bestthatthegamedoesntexpecttoomuchfromtheplayer.Thefollowtheleadermechanichere
issoweaklyimplementedthatitsclosetoimpossibletomimicthesometimescomplexroutines
consistently.Andjustthenyouthoughtitcouldntgetanymoreloathsome,ZumbaFitnessisalso
thecurrentworldleaderindismalgesturebasedmenunavigation.Bythetimeyourworkoutwas
abouttokickoffyouwouldalreadybeaglowwiththesweatofpurehatredandfrustration.Its
worth mentioning that the follow up, Zumba Rush, remedied many of the issues that plagued
ZumbaFitness.Butthatdoesntmakeitanyeasiertoforgiveorforgetthispainfulexperience.
6.KinectStarWars
Allofthegamesonthislistarebitterremindersofopportunitiesmissed.KinectStarWarsstands
out as the most glaring disappointment of all, simply because it was such a promising concept.
ForgetyourflappyfloppysportspartygamesandforgettabledanceemupsKinectwasbornso
thatwecouldbecomeJedi.Withaflickofthewrist,theplayersendsasquabbleofdroidsreeling
Gesturecontrol?That,rightthere,wasaJediForcepush,buddy.Oh,thattentacleddancerinthe
Mos Eisley Cantina doesnt want to give you her phone number? Just wiggle your fingers in her
direction Jedi mind trick sorted. Imagine the epic battles, three Jedi outnumbered by Sith,
swirlinglightsaberscastinganeonglowacrossthespaceport,Forcepowersfizzingthroughtheair
itsalmosttoomuchtobear.Thatswhatcouldhavebeen.Insteadwewerepunished.Severly.
Punished with a rancid collection of Star Wars themed minigames, all loosely floating around a
weakcampaignwhichsavagelydrainedthemedichloriansoutofthisJedisimulator.Sludgymotion
detectionmadethedelicateartofhandlingalightsaberfeelmorelikestirringavatoflardwitha
TVremote.TherestoftheJediarsenalsufferedasimilarfate,thepotentiallyincrediblefeelingof
hurling Force powers around with reckless abandon quickly turned into a armwaving, foot
stomping,heartbreakingfountainofdespair.Itwasanunfortunateconundrum:togetthemostof
theinjokesandcovertreferencesyouwouldneedtobearathercluedupStarWarszealot;but
any passionate fan would have been reduced to tears to see the revered Star Wars cast being
digitally abused as they were in Kinect Star Wars. So were left with a target demographic of
childrenoldenoughtobeableswingapretendmagicallasersword,butyoungenoughnottocare
that their efforts are going mostly unnoticed by the game itself. All in all, a flagrantly offensive
abuseoftheStarWarslicence.
5.LetsDanceWithMelB
Kinectcanhandleadancinggame.Somemightarguethatthatsjustaboutallitcanhandle.Weve
seenithappentheDanceCentralfranchiseisoneoffewhighlightsintheKinectlibrary,thanks
toimpressivemotioncapturingtoaccompanythesnappytunesandvibrantgraphics.LetsDance
WithMelB,ontheotherhand,managedtogetjustabouteverythingwrong.Itshouldntbethis
difficult: youve got a motion sensing camera device, all its supposed to do is follow your
movementsandrelaythedataasinputforthegame.Butthemotioncontrolinvolvedherewith
MelBsdanceoutingmakesMicrosoftsfancycameralookbloodystupid.Movementsareblatantly
ignoredthroughout,leavingyouthrustingaroundlikeaJanetJacksonbackingdancerwhileyour
onscreenavatardoeswhateverthehellheorshepleases.Damnit,Kinect,youonlyhadonejob.
Wereforcedtowiggleandjiggleyourwaythroughapitifullybriefplaylistdrippingwithgeneric
eurotrashandanaemicRnBtaintedhiphoptunes,thekindofthingthatcouldcauselongterm
braintraumaofterextendedexposure.MelBmakesanappearance,butshehardlythrewherself
intotherollheronlymeaningfulcontributionwastostandaroundnervouslyonthemenuscreen,
shamelesslybulgingoutofatinyblackdress.Whenthedancingstartsshesnowheretobeseen,
but waskindenough to bark criticisms at players asthey fumble their way through thehorrible
danceroutines.Thegirlishardlyinapositiontobecondescendingsheshouldbethrilledthat
anyonebotheredtoplaythisawfulgameinthefirstplace.ThishastobeacareerlowforpoorMel
B.Andthatssayingsomething.
4.HulkHogansMainEvent
We have a rather fervent WWE readership here at WhatCulture.com, so its important that we
warnyouallaboutthistravesty:HulkHogansMainEventisthekindofgamewhichwilldestroy
your faith in Hulk Hogan, wrestling, and motion gaming in general. By now we hardly need any
more reasons to stop caring about the legendary Hulkster, hes been doing a pretty solid job of
ruining his legacy all on his own, but this shameful Kinect release was one powerslam too far.
Traditionally the reason a Kinect game falls to pieces is that its motion detection simply doesnt
work.Itoftenstartswithgoodintentions,butdodgyprogramming andaweakgraspofKinects
(limited) strong points, it all usually results in yet another abhorrent controllerfree mess. Hulk
Hogans Miserable Event surpasses that problem by having not only frightfully bad motion
detectionbutalsoanalmostunplayablegameplaymechanicinthefirstplace.Inotherwords,even
ifKinectwasaspreciseandaweinspiringlypowerfulasMicrosoftlikestopretenditis,thisgame
wouldstillbeasmuchfunashavingHulkandhisclosestfriendspiledriveyouinthering.Itsjust
worryingthatsomeonethoughtthatitwasoktoreleasethis.Andthenbeboldenoughtoaskus
to give them money for it. Everything about this game exudes a noxious stench of a shameless
cashin,Hogandesperatelytryingtomakeafewextrabucksbeforeweforgetabouthimaltogether.
3.FightersUncaged
TherewassparklingexcitementintheairastheindustrypreparedfortheKinectlaunch.Somuch
hadbeenpromised,andnowweweretoseeifthegameswouldliveuptoourloftyexpectations.
Andthenwereroundhousekickedinthefacebythisextremelyunpleasantgame.Infairness,we
took a lot of hits that day many of the launch titles were severely disappointing. But Fighters
Uncageddeliveredasliceofmotiongamingsowretchedthatitwasenoughtoturnmanyoffthe
wholeKinectideaaltogether.Aimedatthecoregamer,asapposedtotherestofthecheerfulfluff
that came out at launch directed atthe casual gamer and younger audience, Fighters Uncaged
should have been an empowering brawler that made us feel truly connected to the onscreen
action.Thisshouldhavebeentheanswertoourprayersassumingthatyourprayersweretobe
transformed into a ruthless thug who spends his days pounding his fists into peoples faces. We
saw the opportunity to live out our Street Fighter fantasies, kicking and punching a tornado
throughourlivingrooms.Insteadwegotthisrancidmess,ashockinglybadbeatemup,flungat
uslikemonkeyfaeces.Thiswasasinistermolestationofthephrasemotioncontrol,sincethere
waspreciouslittleaboutFightersUncagedthatfeltlikeitwasreallyunderourcontrol.Wethrew
ouruppercutswithgusto,welashedoutwildly,wideeyedandhopefulbutitwasnottobe.This
putridgamehadnointentionofmakingsenseofourinputsdodgeattemptsbecamedirectionless
headbutts,risingkneestothefacewereswiftlymisinterpretedasbacksteps,whilecleverfootwork
wouldusuallyseeourcharacterstumbledirectlyintothepathofanincomingfist.Andthenpeople
wonderwhytheKinectlibraryiscrammedwithsimplesugarygarbageforchildren,notgrownup
games for grown up gamers. Were just not as forgiving when it comes to releasing blatantly
unfinishedgames.
2.Blackwater
BythispointoftheKinecttimeline,ifyouwerestillspendingmoneyontragicfilthlikethisthen
you deserved the torturous gaming experience which it provided. We had all flapped our arms
maniacally through the various launch titles, and wed learned to seriously temper our
expectationsofwhatdeveloperswerecapableof.Yet,evenwithourcautiousapproachtoKinect
related enthusiasm, Blackwater still caught some by surprise no one could have imagined the
misery that lurked within. The ungodly stepchild ofModern Warfare and somekind of ATEAM
approachtoprivatemilitarywaratrocities,thishackneyedonrailsshooterreekedofaillconcieved
publicrelationsconceptgonehorriblywrong.BlackwaterchiefErikPrincehadgraciouslytakena
dayofffromrecruitingmurderers(citationneeded)longenoughtocomeupwithanideatosave
thescarredreputationofhisbelovedcompanypublisher505GamespulledindeveloperZombie
Games,whichshouldhavebeenourfirstclue,andtheygotstuckin.Theidea?Givegamersareal
taste of what its like to be part of a Blackwater operation. Which tells us that the life of a
Blackwaterhiredguninvolveswishingforitalltobeoverassoonaspossiblespendtenminutes
withtheforsakengame,andthecoldhandofdeathstartstosoundlikewelcomereprieve.Itwas
a nightmare to play, a Hell conjured by wrecked gameplay mechanics, and extended by its
ridiculousscript,embarrassingcharactermodels,PSoneeratexturepopupandoh,somuchmore.
By last (unverified) count, seven people bought this sorry game. Six of them were Blackwater
operatives moms. The other was a nighttime scubadiving enthusiast, and boy was he
disappointed.
1.SportsIslandFreedom
Picture the scene: Hudson Entertainment boardroom. Friday. 3pm. A serious looking man in an
expensive suit turns to smaller cowering man in less impressive suit. Right, so Microsofts new
Connectik thing is out now. What time can we expect our new motion controlled sports
compilationcowpatofagametostartflyingofftheshelves?Wewedonthaveone,sir.You
WHAT? Good Lord. he looks over at a moustached man standing in the doorway, looking
perplexed.You,putdownthebucketandmopandcomeoverhere.Yourenowleaddesignerfor
oursportinggamedevision.Weneedagameandweneedityesterday.Youhaveuntilteatime
No,IdontcarethatyoudontspeakEnglish..justGETITDONE.Yes,folks,thatispreciselyhow
thedevelopmentprocessforSportsIslandFreedomwentdown(pleasenote:thisisalie.Probably).
Regardless of factual inaccuracies, five minutes spent talking a walk down misery lane with this
horriblegamewillpointoutthatveryfewpeopleactuallybotheredtoplayanyofitbeforeitwas
spatoutintotheworld.Thearcherydoesntworkarrowsareflungoutinanydirectionbesides
theoneyouhaveinmind;theskiingfeelsaboutasresponsiveastryingtosteerarhinoceroswith
your knees;the sword fighting has no idea that youve even playing it, so it carries on doing its
ownthing;andthepaintballagamedesignfailureofimmenseproportionsweoftenwondered
howdeveloperswouldgetaroundthewholefirstpersonshootermovementdebaclewithKinect,
and now we know: they wont. In the company of numerous terrible, unplayable Kinect games,
SportsIslandFreedomstandsheadandshouldersabovetherestbybeingcompletelyandutterly
broken.
PCGameCDKeys:
EAGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/publisher/ea.html
RPGGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/rpggame.html
ACTGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/actgame.html
FPSGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/fpsgame.html
AdventureGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/avggame.html
RacingGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/racgame.html
SportGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/sptgame.html
FTGGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/ftggame.html
RTSGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/rtsgame.html
SLGGamesCDKeyhttp://www.gamescdkey.com/pcgames/slggame.html