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How to spot a Negative?

some areas to look out for when interacting on or offline

There are many ways.

One I have found that is almost spot on is contradict someone's boasts or claims,
ask them to support what they're claiming with something substantial, don't do so
in a confrontational manner, because that then renders you negative. Politely ask
them how they reached whatever conclusion they're claiming to have reached. or
just disagree with what they're saying, they soon expose their true colours when
you do this.
A positive person can accept another's view point, knowing that we each have our
own way of interpreting things and our own perceptions of reality, therefore we
are able to question our selves and the outcome of choices made, whilst at the
same time accepting that another's opinion is just as valid to them as say mine is
to me, positive persons accept responsibility in all areas, positives are also
more than happy to offer an explanation for how they reached the conclusion made,
whereas many negatives are feigning being positive so have no idea how to respond
when asked to offer an explanation for something they may have done, or why they
are claiming to be right whilst declaring your opinion to being wrong.

Positives can and do accept they are wrong, if and when they are, and will accept
they make mistakes. not many negatives can do this. A positive person will
genuinely apologise and atone for their misdeeds. Not so a negative, they're never
wrong so how can they accept they're accountable. even when they're faced with a
gross error or wrong doing they will try all ways to get out of it blame it on
someone or something. or give excuses for how it wasn't their fault, they didn't
mean it, they didn't realise, it was the weather bad hair day, PMS, or something
external to themselves.

Ways of spotting a negative -

the easy way for now is tell a person they're wrong and watch their reaction and
check it against what's here.

Here's a prime example of a negative person.

Earlier this year I became associated with a person, and formed a kind of rapport,
however one day for no known reason ( I still don't really know what was behind it
) this person, stopped having anything to do with myself, an approach was made to
try finding out what was behind it all, all efforts were ignored, ok I could deal
with that, I was a little confused as to the cause but accepted the situation,
when I was asked about it by others I said nothing.

The other person however wasn't content with just severing ties this person then
started a campaign to discredit me and anything I did, eventually the person made
themselves look small and petty by their doing as they did, such was that persons
level of negativity. in order to try to get at myself, their anger or hostility
towards me took away their ability to see reason.

My name was blackened to this persons associates, (and anyone else who listened),
mass emails were sent out to many co associates, informing them of my being of
dubious character, I was condemned and convicted I was not once informed of what I
stood accused of or asked to offer an explanation or anything of the kind, or if
the allegations against me were true or not, that to me is typical of a negative
orientated person, they think they have the right to play god, to approach me and
ask if their doing as they did was founded, didn't enter their heads, I was guilty
and they were the jailer in their eyes.
Had I been confronted with whatever it is/was I stood accused of I would have
responded to the best of my ability, with as honest a reply as possible. I would
have also held the person in high esteem for having the manners and character to
confront me head on, I can deal with the truth, regardless of what it is, if
someone has a problem with me, tell me and Ill set about putting it right if I can
or at least Ill offer an explanation for myself or my involvement, if any. However
this didn't happen, I can however say I hold no grudge against anyone, not then
not now.

The reason I'm writing this is because I really do feel its time we the positive
humans expose the negative people on the planet, why should some people be allowed
to go through life not giving any thought to how their actions and deeds may cause
suffering, harm, distress to fellow humans. I think we all have the right to be
treated with respect, and consideration, not judged, or condemned on another's say
so or hostility. We have the right to be aware of how the negative person operates
so that we can avoid them.

A positive person would never act in this way towards another, they would not
speak badly of another over something the person was not aware of, most would ask
the other person to offer an explanation, or give their version of whatever it
was, in short positive people treat others fairly in a way they would want to be
treated, they would never think themselves above that person, they are fair.

No one person on earth is perfect least of all myself, I've made mistakes, I've
done wrong, I've judged another, and I admit I make mistakes often, too often at
times, however when I do make a mistake, that has an adverse effect on another, I
will do whatever I can to amend the mistake, I will openly apologise, not just by
saying sorry, I would apologise in the correct manner which is; I would accept I
had caused another person hurt or distress by my thoughtless and inconsiderate
actions, in whatever it was I had done wrong, that would be included in any
apology I offered, this then validates the fact the other person is/was justified
and I am acknowledging the fact.

Just saying sorry is not a real apology, and in most cases sorry means you can do
it all again, positive persons don't make a habit of over using words like sorry,
realising that being sorry for ones deeds also entails actions of remorse. regret
etc, not just words, as we know actions speak louder than words, and talk is
cheap.

As is obvious, no one on earth can be positive 24/7 that little nasty chap who
often sits on my shoulder whilst I type urging me to blast someone, I admit
sometimes I give in to the urge, and do act on impulse, only to find some 30
minutes later or less, I'm thinking to myself now why did I do that whilst mr
nasty is laughing his head off.

I accept I'm human and as such I'm going to get it wrong every now and then, I
think in making errors we are all prone to this, the trick is to realise we've
made an error and do what we can to rectify it, that's the difference between the
person who accepts responsibility for themselves and the choices they make
(positive) and the person who blames everything on something external (negative).

The Negative person will wallow in self pity, and make a drama out of a crisis,
the Positive person will set about making changes, doing something to change a
situation knowing only they can make a life for themselves, and that they choose
if its a happy, productive life and accept only they can do so.

Here's another way I find will bring out a negatives true self, they are more
often than not attention seekers, and they'll take positive or negative attention,
they're not choosy, so if you're wondering is so and so really positive or just
trying to appear that way, do something to attract attention to yourself, at first
negative person will be ok and appear to be in agreement with the attention you're
receiving, however they wont like it for very long.

I acknowledge that much of the information I now have concerning the differences
between the authentic positive entity and the negative pretending to be a positive
entity, I have acquired from my good friend who also is a huge part of my being
inspired to create websites and forums etc.

To the negative person, others are for them to use for as long as they are in
favour or until someone else with maybe more attributes that impress them comes
along, they may appear to care but if the chips are down and its you or them, they
choose themselves, you're tossed to one side, or the person involved - associated
with the negative is, this is possibly more in extremes than generalised, its part
of how they operate though.

I heard this from a self confessed total negative who after working on himself day
in and day out for some 6 years is now a changed person, he is now human, I have
heard some horror stories of how a negative person goes through life, how they
view people, the world, their friends, families, associates bosses, employees,
authority figures, the whole lot. this is why I am hoping to get across to others
how detrimental mixing with negative people can be, and is very often sooooooo
damaging, they wont bat an eyelid if they leave you lying in the gutter, you're
only useful for as long as they think you are once they decide you've lost your
usefulness that's it you're dropped, and you'll be left wondering what happened to
you, most if not all negatives are similar in how they operate, admittedly this is
the absolute extreme.

I would also say its as rare as hens teeth having a negative person admit that
they did such nasties to others, most negatives think themselves justified in how
they are, and haven't a clue that they're not being fair or treating others
equally, or so they will claim if confronted, they know what they're doing and why
but they will say they didn't realise or know they were hurting a person.

This is because they use people like most use toilet paper and convince themselves
its their god given right to be as they are, to the extent that in time they
believe they're being a good friend or partner etc, they cant be bothered to try
looking at things from anyone's perspective other than theirs they're so wrapped
up in their me myself and I, after all they're superior.!!! in fact they aren't at
all superior they're the weaker of the two, and will remain that way until such
time as they can and do accept responsibility.

Many are also convinced that they themselves are getting a raw deal and that
they're victims and are owed better treatment. of course all or most wont even
consider they may be at fault that they don't take responsibility for their own
lives, its always someone else who is blamed or some situation or circumstance,
they are also often known to feign some ailment when they're in an awkward
position like being called to account for their actions or deeds, if that doesn't
work they resort to outbursts of violent verbal or physical rage, and attack the
person involved.

Violence is often second nature to the negative entity.

They soon learn that by reacting in a violent way many will back off, and in time
those who live with a negative will not say anything about the way they feel used
etc, for fear of a repeat violent outburst, this suits the negative well, very
well, they soon add being violent to their armoury.
Ever witnessed a naughty child throwing a tantrum because they are not given
whatever it is they want?

Well that's a pattern the negative person carries into adulthood, if they cant get
what they want they become violent and aggressive, and often times they get their
own way because of doing this, 95% of the time people will give them what they
want to restore peace, this is a very unproductive way to live, for all concerned.

If you are living with someone like this or you know someone like this as a
friend, relative whatever, I suggest you gradually if not immediately distance
yourself from them, they wont change, that's mostly true, even though they claim
to intend to make changes, the person I know who has made immense efforts to
change himself is a rare kind indeed. most wont want to change a thing, they're
enjoying how they have people at their beck and call.

I've had many dealings with negative people all through my life, going back a few
years, one thing I tried after many months of having a foster child who would
spend most of her life trying to push my buttons, just for the sake of it, to
begin with I would bite and take the bait, thinking how dare she, blah blah, then
one day I stopped and thought, and decided I wouldn't go along with her, I would
refuse to let her get what she wanted, and no matter what I wouldn't get into
another slanging match or war on words with her that day, or again if possible, I
did as I planned, and refused to be drawn into her games, I refused to bite, or
take the bait, I looked at her and said, if you want to have an argument, you'll
have to do so alone, I refuse to be a part of anything other than civilised
interactions with you as of now, she looked shocked, but still tried her best to
goad me, I some how managed to keep my resolve, from that day onwards we became
firm friends and she never did try to goad me or push my buttons after that.

You see no one can argue alone, no one, I finally realised that, and refused to be
part of an argument with her, and it worked. I also knew as I was the "Adult" then
I needed to set the example, I'm thankful I realised in time.
However if you aim to try doing as I did be warned it could turn really nasty, not
all negatives can accept defeat in this way.

Something for you to ponder and ask yourself.

Do you know someone who is constantly, bragging, claiming to be the best, the most
superior, wonderful, perfect and above reproach, who is also a poor me, a victim,
fragile, delicate, cries at the drop of a hat, gets highly offended at the
slightest criticism, wont accept that they could be at fault, and how dare anyone
suggest they could be, is full of themselves in one breath and yet down trodden in
the next, ??

Do you know someone who doesn't accept or acknowledge that they're responsible for
their own life? and blames everything on some other person or some circumstance,
they were treated badly that's why they're how they are it is so and sos fault,
they blame their actions on something or someone no matter how blatantly obvious
it is that they are the cause, these people also expect others to provide their
happiness and well being. If you're happy around them they'll try to bring you
down.

Then there's the person who will always claim to have done better, have more, been
there, done that, bought the T-shirt, anything you achieve they will have also
achieved but in some way better than you did, you cannot have anything that's
yours when they're around because whatever you say they will have already done it
been it had it, this happens anytime you mention something concerning yourself or
your achievements,
Even if you are ill they will have had what you have only 10 times worse, and
lasting 3 times longer.

Do you know someone who if asked to account for themselves in anyway, will reel
off a long list of why should theys, or justifications for the actions made, yet
not one claim is of them accepting anything by way of it being remotely them being
in the wrong.? they'll say its your imagination, or that you're just jealous of
them, they'll go around to any mutual friends you have and tell them how its you
who is being the way they are and that you're losing it or cracking up and
paranoid, it will get you so you are unsure yourself, they'll claim to be worried
about you, at the same time they'll be doing a character assassination on your
name.

Do you know someone who changes things around so it would seem you are in the
wrong for daring to ask for an explanation, even when its plain to a blind person
that they did as is claimed.? They will take your good characteristics and claim
them as their own and project their nasty horrid characteristics onto you. They'll
play you and your other friends off of one another making some amazing claims
about your so say delusions, or worse.

Do you know someone who talks nicely to a persons face or to them say in a chat
room, yet behind their backs they rip that self same person to shreds, and make
some alarming claims about the person.?

Do you know someone who came across as so helpful, so concerned, so friendly and
charming, when you first met them, however as time passes they've become
miserable, mean, spiteful, demanding, and claim the worlds against them and its
all because of what you have been telling people about them, if you confront them
alone they say they'll change, or make a start but not today, or tomorrow, in a
weeks time, but the weeks pass and no efforts to make any changes are forthcoming,
they always see the down side, the escape route, there's always some excuse for
them to avoid making any changes to themselves, whether trivial or otherwise, if
all else fails you end up being accused of bullying them, trying to control them
etc.

Do you know someone who claims its you that treats them badly? tells you you're
imagining things about them, you're losing it, or being over sensitive

Also with a negative person in your world, they will drop you like a ton of hot
bricks, if it suits them to and not look back, however should you try to break
away from them before they want you to, they'll as good as stalk you, they'll bad
mouth you to all your friends and family, saying how badly you have treated them
when all they did was try to be a good friend and help you.
Theyll pester you and keep on at you until you give in if they can. You can only
break ties when its their choice you have no say in anything.

Another thing to look out for is the person who keeps a score of the things
they've so say done for you, how they've been such a good friend, etc, and each
time you say something they cant face or deal with they'll remind you of each and
every so say favour or good deed they did for you,? they haven't given you
anything, it all had a hidden agenda, they were just point scoring, and a positive
person doesn't keep score, they give because they want to give or not at all.

You'll never owe a positive person a favour because they do what they do because
they want to out of friendship or affection for you, they aren't doing it to keep
in with you or to impress you.
Negatives want to control others in anyway they can and will do anything to
achieve that aim, anything or anyone who wants to control you or your reality is a
negative. Keep away from them if humanly possible.
If not right now then do so gradually, but get away as far as you can. As the
saying goes, leopards don't change their spots they merely re-arrange them.
Whenever you're with a negative they'll leave you feeling drained and confused,
this is because they've taken your energy.

If you answered yes to 2 or more of the above, then sorry to say, you have a
negative in your world, that person will be very reluctant to admit it or even
consider it, but its there, in the above, the questions all describe the
attributes of a negative personality, or thinker.

My Thanks to A for allowing me to ask so many questions before writing the above.
Thank You.

I also had a Narcissistic Mother, so I've had first hand experience of the
Negative person and how they go through life, all my life.

21/11/2009 �

by: M.Pike Nov 2009 �

The Positive Network : http://positively-positive.ning.com

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