The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

Copyright 1997 by Andreas !t"

# $ltimate Colle%tion & 'y Topi% & Complete Edition & Murphy's eset"e auf (euts%h )
# A & ' & C & ( & E & * & & + & , & - & . & L & M & / & 0 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & T & $ & 5 & 6 & 7 & 8 & 9 )
A
Abbott's Admonitions
1:,f you ha;e to as<= you're not entitled to <now:
>:,f you don't li<e the answer= you shouldn't ha;e as<ed the ?uestion:
Abrams's Ad;i%e
6hen eating an elephant= ta<e one bite at a time:
Absolute 1rin%ipal
'eauty is only s<in deep= ugly goes to the bone:
3ule of A%%ura%y
6hen wor<ing toward the solution of a problem= it always helps if you <now the answer:
Corollary @ 1ro;ided= of %ourse= that you <now there is a problem:
A%heson's 3ule of the 'ureau%ra%y
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to prote%t the writer:
A%ton's Law
1ower tends to %orruptA absolute power %orrupts absolutely:
Ade's Law
Anybody %an win @@ unless there happens to be a se%ond entry:
Law of Adult 0pportunity
0pportunity always <no%<s at the least appropriate moment:
Ad;an%ed 4ystems /ews Letter
The nail that sti%<s up gets hammered down:
Agnes Allen's Law
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of:
Airplane Law
6hen the plane you are on is late= the plane you want to transfer to is on time:
Law of Airports
The distan%e to the gate is in;ersely proportional to the time a;ailable to %at%h the flight:
Alan's Law of 3esear%h
The theory is supported as long as the funds are:
Albre%ht's Law
4o%ial inno;ations tend to the le;el of minimum tolerable well being:
Alfred's Law of /,M'8'ism #/ot in my ba%< yard)
The guy holding the biggest sign demanding that the freeway be torn down mo;ed in siB years after
it was %onstru%ted:
Law of Algebra
8ou ne;er %at%h on until after the test:
Algren's 1re%epts
/e;er eat at a pla%e %alled Mom's: /e;er play %ards with a man named (o%: And ne;er lie down
with a woman who's got more troubles than you:
Law of Alienation
/othing %an so alienate a ;oter from the politi%al system as ba%<ing a winning %andidate:
Alins<y's 3ule *or 3adi%als
Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem:
Allen's ABiom
6hen all else fails= follow instru%tions:
Allen's 'ibli%al (istin%tion CAllen's (istin%tionD
The lion and the lamb shall lie down together= but the lamb won' t get mu%h sleep:
Allen's Law
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of:
Allen's Law of Ci;ili"ation
,t is better for %i;ili"ation to be going down the drain than to be %oming up it:
Alley's ABiom
-usti%e always pre;ails::: three times out of se;en:
Alligator Allegory
The obEe%ti;e of all dedi%ated produ%t support employees should be to thoroughly analy"e all
situations= anti%ipate all problems prior to their o%%urren%e= ha;e answers for these problems= and
mo;e swiftly to sol;e these problems when %alled upon: +owe;er= when you are up to your ass in
alligators= it is diffi%ult to remind yourself that your initial obEe%ti;e was to drain the swamp:
Alligator 1rin%iple
6hen you are up to your ass in alligators= it is diffi%ult to remind yourself that your initial obEe%ti;e
was to drain the swamp:
Allison's 1re%ept
The best simple@minded test of eBpertise in a parti%ular area is the ability to win money in a series
of bets on future o%%urren%es in that area:
Law of Ambition
At any one time= thousands of borough %oun%ilmen= s%hool board members= attorneys= and
businessmen @@ as well as %ongressmen= senators= and go;ernors @@ are dreaming of the 6hite
+ouse= but few= if any of them= will ma<e it:
Anderson's Law
Any system or problem= howe;er %ompli%ated= if loo<ed at in eBa%tly the right way= will be%ome e;en
more %ompli%ated:
Andrew's Canoeing 1ostulate
/o matter whi%h dire%tion you start= it's always against the wind %oming ba%<:
Law of Annoyan%e
6hen wor<ing on a proEe%t= if you put away a tool that you're %ertain you're finished with= you will
need it instantly:
Anthony's Law of *or%e
(on't for%e it= get a larger hammer:
Anthony's Law of the 6or<shop
Any tool= when dropped= will roll into the least a%%essible %orner of the wor<shop:
Corollary @ 0n the way to the %orner= any dropped tool will first and always stri<e your toes:
Appro;al 4ee<er's Law
Those whose appro;al you see< the most gi;e you the least:
The A?uinas ABiom
6hat the gods get away with= the %ows don't:
The Arithmeti% of Cooperation
6hen you're adding up %ommittees there's a useful rule of thumbF that talents ma<e a differen%e=
and follies ma<e a sum:
Army ABiom
Any order that %an be misunderstood has been misunderstood:
Army Law
,f it mo;es= salute itA if it doesn't mo;e= pi%< it upA if you %an't pi%< it up= paint it:
Arnold's *irst Law of (o%umentation
,f it should eBist= it doesn't:
Arnold's 4e%ond Law of (o%umentation
,f it does eBist= it's out of date:
Arnold's Third Law of (o%umentation
0nly useless do%umentation trans%ends the first two laws:
Ashleigh's *irst Law
,f you %an't learn to do it well= you should learn to enEoy doing it badly:
Ashley@1erry 4tatisti%al ABioms
1:/umbers are tools= not rules:
>:/umbers are symbols for thingsA the number and the thing are not the same:
G:4<ill in manipulating numbers is a talent= not e;iden%e of di;ine guidan%e:
H:Li<e other o%%ult te%hni?ues of di;ination= the statisti%al method has a pri;ate Eargon deliberately
%ontri;ed to obs%ure its methods from nonpra%titioners:
I:The produ%t of an arithmeti%al %omputation is the answer to an e?uationA it is not the solution to a
problem:
J:Arithmeti%al proofs of theorems that do not ha;e arithmeti%al bases pro;e nothing:
Law of Assembly
,nter%hangeable parts won't:
Astrology Law
,t's always the wrong time of the month:
Atlas's Laws of Medi%al 3esear%h
4u%%essful resear%h attra%ts the bigger grant whi%h ma<es further resear%h impossible:
The progress of s%ien%e ;aries in;ersely with the number of Eournals published:
Attila's ,nstru%tion
Always remember to pillage before you burn:
Attorneys 0perating 1rin%iple
Any simple idea must be worded in the most %ompli%ated way:
Atwoods Corollary
/o boo<s are lost by lending eB%ept those you parti%ularly wanted to <eep:
Law of Attra%tion
1ower attra%ts people but it %annot hold them:
A;ery's 0bser;ation
,t does not matter if you fall down as long as you pi%< up something from the floor while you get up:
A;ery's 3ule of Three
Trouble stri<es in series of threes= but when wor<ing around the house the neBt Eob after a series of
three is not the fourth Eob @@ it's the start of a brand new series of three:
A;ian Law
A bird in the hand is safer than one o;erhead:
ABiom of 1romotions
6hat gets you promoted on one le;el will get you fired on another:
ABiom of the 1ipe: CTris%hmann's 1aradoBD
A pipe gi;es a wise man time to thin< and a fool something to sti%< in his mouth:
'
'ab%o%<'s Law
,f it %an be borrowed and it %an be bro<en= you will borrow it and you will brea< it:
'aer's 2uartet
6hat's good politi%s is bad e%onomi%sA what's bad politi%s is good e%onomi%sA what's good
e%onomi%s is bad politi%sA what's bad e%onomi%s is good politi%s:
'agdi<ian's Law of Editor's 4pee%hes
The splendor of an editor's spee%h and the splendor of his newspaper are in;ersely related to the
distan%e between the %ity in whi%h he ma<es his spee%h and the %ity in whi%h he publishes his
paper:
'a<er's 'yroad
6hen you are o;er the hill= you pi%< up speed:
'a<er's Law
Misery no longer lo;es %ompany: /owadays it insists on it:
'aldy's Law
4ome of it plus the rest of it is all of it:
The 'anana 1rin%iple
,f you buy bananas or a;o%ados before they are ripe= there won't be any left by the time they are
ripe: ,f you buy them ripe= they rot before they are eaten:
'an<ers ABiom
,n order to get a loan you must first pro;e you don't need it:
'an<ers Lament
/othing in the <nown uni;erse tra;els faster than a bad %he%<
Law of 'an<s
The other line always mo;es faster: ,n order to get a loan you must first pro;e that you don't need it:
'arber's Laws of 'a%<pa%<ing
1:The integral of the gra;itational potential ta<en around any loop trail you %hoose to hi<e always
%omes out positi;e:
>:Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to eBa%tly the point of most
pressure:
G:The weight of your pa%< in%reases in dire%t proportion to the amount of food you %onsume from it: ,f
you run out of food= the pa%< weight goes on in%reasing anyway:
H:The number of stones in your boot is dire%tly proportional to the number of hours you ha;e been on
the trail:
I:The diffi%ulty of finding any gi;en trail mar<er is dire%tly proportional to the importan%e of the
%onse?uen%es of failing to find it:
J:The si"e of ea%h of the stones in your boot is dire%tly proportional to the number of hours you ha;e
been on the trail:
7:The remaining distan%e to your %hosen %ampsite remains %onstant as twilight approa%hes:
K:The net weight of your boots is proportional to the %ube of the number of hours you ha;e been on
the
trail:
9:6hen you arri;e at your %hosen %ampsite= it is full:
1L:,f you ta<e your boots off= you'll ne;er get them ba%< on again:
11:The lo%al density of mos?uitos is in;ersely proportional to your remaining repellent:
'arr's Comment on (omesti% Tran?uillity
0n a beautiful day li<e this it's hard to belie;e anyone %an be unhappy @@ but we'll wor< on it:
'arrett's Laws of (ri;ing
1:8ou %an get A/86+E3E in ten minutes if you go fast enough:
>:4peed bumps are of negligible effe%t when the ;ehi%le eB%eeds triple the desired restraining speed:
G:The ;ehi%le in front of you is tra;eling slower than you are:
H:This lane ends in ILL feet:
'arth's (istin%tion C'en%hley's Law of (istin%tionD
There are two %lasses of peopleF those who di;ide people into two %lasses= and those who don't:
'art"'s Law of +o<ey +orsepu%<ery
The more ridi%ulous a belief system= the higher the probability of its su%%ess:
'aru%h's 0bser;ation
,f all you ha;e is a hammer= e;ery problem loo<s li<e a nail:
'aru%h's 3ule for (etermining 0ld Age
0ld age is always fifteen years older than , am:
'ar"un's Laws of Learning
1:The simple but diffi%ult arts of paying attention= %opying a%%urately= following an argument=
dete%ting
an ambiguity or a false inferen%e= testing guesses by summoning up %ontrary instan%es= organi"ing
one's time and one's thought for study @ all these arts @ %annot be taught in the air but only through the
diffi%ulties of a defined subEe%t: They %annot be taught in one %ourse or one year= but must be
a%?uired gradually in do"ens of %onne%tions:
>:The analogy to athleti%s must be pressed until all re%ogni"e that in the eBer%ise of ,ntelle%t those who
la%< the mus%les= %oordination= and will power %an %laim no pla%e at the training table= let alone on
the playing field:
*orthoffer's Cyni%al 4ummary of 'ar"un's Laws
1:That whi%h has not yet been taught dire%tly %an ne;er be taught dire%tly:
>:,f at first you don't su%%eed= you will ne;er su%%eed:
'asi% 'aggage 1rin%iple
6hi%he;er %arousel you stand near= your baggage will arri;e on another one:
Law of 'asi% Money (ynami%s
A surprise monetary windfall will be a%%ompanied by an uneBpe%ted eBpense of the same amount:
'aBter's *irst Law C'aBter's *ree Mar<et LawsD
o;ernment inter;ention in the free mar<et always leads to a lower national standard of li;ing:
'aBter's 4e%ond Law
The adoption of fra%tional gold reser;es in a %urren%y system always leads to depre%iation=
de;aluation= demoneti"ation and= ultimately= to %omplete destru%tion of that %urren%y:
'aBter's Third Law
,n a free mar<et good money always dri;es bad money out of %ir%ulation:
'eard's addendum to interstate tra;el
The palatability indeB of any food is in;ersely proportional to the distan%e and number of times the
restaurant ad;ertises prior to the designated stop:
'eardsley's 6arning to Lawyers
'eware of and es%hew pompous proliBity:
'eauregard's *irst Law
6hen you're up to your nose in it= <eep your mouth shut:
'eauregard's 4e%ond Law
All people are %remated e?ual:
'e%<er's Law
,t is mu%h harder to find a Eob than to <eep one:
'e%<hap's Law
'eauty times brains e?uals a %onstant:
'eifeld's 1rin%iple
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and re%epti;e young female in%reases by
pyramidal progression when he is already in the %ompany of C1D a date= C>D his wife= and CGD a better
loo<ing and ri%her male friend:
'elle's Constant
The ratio of time in;ol;ed in wor< to time a;ailable for wor< is usually about L:J:
'en%hley's (istin%tion
There are two types of peopleF those who di;ide people into two types= and those who don't:
'en%hley's Law
Anyone %an do any amount of wor<= pro;ided it isn't the wor< he is supposed to be doing at that
moment:
'er<eley's Laws
1:The world is more %ompli%ated than most of our theories ma<e it out to be:
>:,gnoran%e is no eB%use:
G:/e;er de%ide to buy something while listening to the salesman:
H:,nformation whi%h is true meets a great many different tests ;ery well:
I:Most problems ha;e either many answers or no answer: 0nly a few problems ha;e a single answer:
J:An answer may be wrong= right= both= or neither: Most answers are partly right and partly wrong:
7:A %hain of reasoning is no stronger than its wea<est lin<:
K:A statement may be true independently of illogi%al reasoning:
9:Most general statements are false= in%luding this one:
1L:An eB%eption TE4T4 a ruleA it /E5E3 1305E4 it:
11:The moment you ha;e wor<ed out an answer= start %he%<ing it @@ it probably isn't right:
1>:,f there is an opportunity to ma<e a mista<e= sooner or later the mista<e will be made:
1G:'eing sure mista<es will o%%ur is a good frame of mind for %at%hing them:
1H:Che%< the answer you ha;e wor<ed out on%e more @@ before you tell it to anybody:
1I:Estimating a figure may be enough to %at%h an error:
1J:*igures %al%ulated in a rush are ;ery hotA they should be allowed to %ool off a little before being
usedA thus we will ha;e a reasonable time to thin< about the figures and %at%h mista<es:
17:A great many problems do not ha;e a%%urate answers= but do ha;e approBimate answers= from
whi%h sensible de%isions %an be made:
'ernstein's *irst Law
'uttered bread tends to fall with the buttered side down:
'ernstein's 4e%ond Law
A falling body always rolls to the most ina%%essible spot:
'erra's Law
8ou %an obser;e a lot Eust by wat%hing:
'erson's Corollary of ,n;erse (istan%es
The farther away from the entran%e that you ha;e to par<= the %loser the spa%e ;a%ated by the %ar
that pulls away as you wal< up to the door:
'i%y%le Law
All bi%y%les weigh IL poundsF
A GL@pound bi%y%le needs a >L@pound lo%< and %hain:
A HL@pound bi%y%le needs a 1L@pound lo%< and %hain:
A IL@pound bi%y%le needs no lo%< or %hain:
*irst Law of 'i%y%ling
/o matter whi%h way you ride= it's uphill and against the wind:
The 'illings 1henomenon
The %on%lusions of most good operations resear%h studies are ob;ious:
'illings's Law
Li;e within your in%ome= e;en if you ha;e to borrow to do so:
'lan%hard's /ewspaper 0bituary Law
,f you want your name spelled wrong= die:
'lauw's Law
Established te%hnology tends to persist in spite of new te%hnology:
Law of 'lissful ,gnoran%e
6hat you don't <now will always hurt you:
'o<'s Law
,f you thin< edu%ation is eBpensi;e @@ try ignoran%e:
'oling's 1ostulate
,f you're feeling good= don't worry: 8ou'll get o;er it:
'olton's Law of As%ending 'udgets
$nder %urrent pra%ti%es= both eBpenditures and re;enues rise to meet ea%h other= no matter whi%h
one may be in eB%ess:
'ombe%<'s 3ule of Medi%ine
/e;er go to a do%tor whose offi%e plants ha;e died:
'onafede's 3e;elation
The %on;entional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisia%: ,n truth= it's eBhausting:
'oob's Law
8ou always find something in the last pla%e you loo<:
'oo<er's Law
An oun%e of appli%ation is worth a ton of abstra%tion:
'oo"er's 3e;ision
A bird in the hand is dead:
'oren's Laws of the 'ureau%ra%y
1:6hen in doubt= mumble:
>:6hen in trouble= delegate:
G:6hen in %harge= ponder:
'or<ows<i's Law
8ou %an't guard against the arbitrary:
'orstelmann's 3ule
,f e;erything seems to be %oming your way= you're probably in the wrong lane:
'oston's ,rre;ersible Law of Clutter
,n any household= Eun< a%%umulates to fill the spa%e a;ailable for its storage:
'oultbee's Criterion
,f the %on;erse of a statement is absurd= the original statement is an insult to the intelligen%e and
should ne;er ha;e been said:
'o;e's Theorem
The remaining wor< to finish in order to rea%h your goal in%reases as the deadline approa%hes:
'oyle's Laws
1:The su%%ess of any ;enture will be helped by prayer= e;en in the wrong denomination:
>:6hen things are going well= someone will ine;itably eBperiment detrimentally:
G:The defi%ien%y will ne;er show itself during the dry runs:
H:,nformation tra;els more surely to those with a lesser need to <now:
I:An original idea %an ne;er emerge from %ommittee in the original:
J:6hen the produ%t is destined to fail= the deli;ery system will perform perfe%tly:
7:The %ru%ial memorandum will be snared in the out@bas<et by the paper %lip of the o;erlying
%orresponden%e and go to file:
K:4u%%ess %an be insured only by de;ising a defense against failure of the %ontingen%y plan:
9:1erforman%e is dire%tly affe%ted by the per;ersity of inanimate obEe%ts:
1L:,f not %ontrolled= wor< will flow to the %ompetent man until he submerges:
11:The lagging a%ti;ity in a proEe%t will in;ariably be found in the area where the highest o;ertime
rates
lie waiting:
1>:Talent in staff wor< or sales will re%urringly be interpreted as managerial ability:
1G:The Mthin< positi;eM leader tends to listen to his subordinates' premonitions only during the
postmortems:
1H:Clearly stated instru%tions will %onsistently produ%e multiple interpretations:
1I:0n su%%essi;e %harts of the same organi"ation the number of boBes will ne;er de%rease:
'oyle's 0bser;ation
A welfare state is one that assumes responsibility for the health= happiness= and general well
being of all its %iti"ens eB%ept the taBpayers:
'oyle's 0ther Law
The first pull on the %ord AL6A84 sends the drapes in the wrong dire%tion:
'ran%h's *irst Law of Crisis
The spirit of publi% ser;i%e will rise= and the bureau%ra%y will multiply itself mu%h faster= in time of
gra;e national %on%ern:
*irst Law of 'ridge
,t's always the partner's fault:
'rien's *irst Law
At some time in the life %y%le of ;irtually e;ery organi"ation= its ability to su%%eed in spite of itself
runs out:
'rigg's Law of Traffi%
At any le;el of traffi%= any delay is intolerable:
'rin<s's 0bser;ation
/o armored %ar loaded with bags of money e;er turned o;er and spilled its load in the street= in a
good neighborhood:
'roder's Law
Anybody that wants the presiden%y so mu%h that he'll spend two years organi"ing and %ampaigning
for it is not to be trusted with the offi%e:
'rontosaurus 1rin%iple
0rgani"ations %an grow faster than their brains %an manage them in relation to their en;ironment
and to their own physiologyA when this o%%urs= they are an endangered spe%ies:
'roo<'s Laws
,f at first you don't su%%eed= transform your data set:
Adding manpower to late software ma<es it later:
'roo<s' *irst Law
Adding manpower to a late software proEe%t ma<es it later:
'roo<s' 4e%ond Law
6hene;er a system be%omes %ompletely defined= someone dis%o;ers something whi%h either
abolishes the system or eBpands it beyond re%ognition:
C-erryD 'rown's Law
Too often , find that the ;olume of paper eBpands to fill the a;ailable brief%ases:
C4amD 'rown's Law
/e;er offend people with style when you %an offend them with substan%e:
CTonyD 'rown's Law of 'usiness 4u%%ess
0ur %ustomer's paperwor< is profit: 0ur own paperwor< is loss:
'rownian Motion 3ule of 'ureau%ra%ies
,t is impossible to distinguish= from a distan%e= whether the bureau%rats asso%iated with your proEe%t
are simply sitting on their hands= or franti%ally trying to %o;er their asses:
+eisenberg's Addendum to 'rownian 'ureau%ra%yF ,f you obser;e a bureau%rat %losely
enough to ma<e the distin%tion abo;e= he will rea%t to your obser;ation by %o;ering his ass:
'ru%e@'riggs's Law of Traffi%
At any le;el of traffi%= any delay is intolerable:
'ryson's Law of 3epairs
1:Anything you try to fiB will ta<e longer and %ost more than you thought:
>:,f you fool around with a thing for ;ery long you will s%rew it up:
'u%hwald's Law
As the e%onomy gets better= e;erything else gets worse:
'u%y's Law
/othing is e;er a%%omplished by a reasonable man:
The 'umper To 'umper Theorem
Traffi% %ongestion in%reases in proportion to the length of time the street is super;ised by a traffi%
%ontrol offi%er:
'unuel's Law
0;erdoing things is harmful in all %ases= e;en when it %omes to effi%ien%y:
Law of 'ureau%ra%y
6hen a problem goes away= the people wor<ing to sol;e it do not:
'ureau%rati% Cop@0ut N1
8ou should ha;e seen it when O,O got it:
'urns's 'alan%e
,f the assumptions are wrong= the %on%lusions aren't li<ely to be ;ery good:
'us Transportation Laws
1:The bus that left the stop Eust before you got there is your bus:
>:The amount of time you ha;e to wait for a bus is dire%tly proportional to the in%lemen%y of the
weather:
G:All buses heading in the opposite dire%tion dri;e off the fa%e of the earth and ne;er return:
H:The last rush@hour eBpress bus to your neighborhood lea;es fi;e minutes before you get off wor<:
I:'us s%hedules are arranged so your bus will arri;e at the transfer point pre%isely one minute after
the %onne%ting bus has left:
J:Any bus that %an be the wrong bus will be the wrong bus: All others are out of ser;i%e or full:
'usiness MaBims
1:/o matter how low you bid the Eob there is always an idiot out there willing to do it for less:
>:The more you %ut your pri%e to get business= the more li<ely you are to go out of business:
G:The more you try to %ompete on a pri%e basis the lower your pri%es will go: CorollaryF 8our in%ome
will follow:
H:The bigger your yellow pages ad = the more low pri%ed %alls from non@repeat %ustomers you will get:
I:,n%reasing your ad si"e in%reases the per%entage of low profit %alls you get:
J:The pri"e for beating out all of your %ompetitors for the biggest most eBpensi;e ad in all of the
different yellow pages boo<s is ban<rupt%y:
7:The more you ad;ertise that you ha;e >H hour ser;i%e= the more se%urity guards and insomnia%s will
%all you in the middle of the night with re?uests for pri%e ?uotations:
K:Ad;ertise as a >H hour ser;i%e and you will get angry %alls from people who stopped by your shop at
four in the morning and you weren't there:
9:8our best apprenti%e will ?uit and open a shop a%ross the street and %ut your pri%es:
1L:The one who is un@trainable will stay with you fore;er:
'ustlin' 'illy's 'ogus 'eliefs
1:The organi"ation of any program refle%ts the organi"ation of the people who de;elop it:
>:There is no su%h thing as a Mdirty %apitalistM= only a %apitalist:
G:Anything is possible= but nothing is easy:
H:Capitalism %an eBist in one of only two states @@ welfare or warfare:
I:,'d rather go whoring than warring:
J:+istory pro;es nothing:
7:There is nothing so unbe%oming on the bea%h as a wet <ilt:
K:A little humility is arrogan%e:
9:A lot of what appears to be progress is Eust so mu%h te%hnologi%al ro%o%o:
'utler's Law of 1rogress
All progress is based on a uni;ersal innate desire on the part of e;ery organism to li;e beyond its
in%ome:
'ye's *irst Law of Model 3ailroading
Anytime you wish to demonstrate something= the number of faults is proportional to the number of
;iewers:
'ye's 4e%ond Law of Model 3ailroading
The desire for modeling a prototype is in;ersely proportional to the de%line of the prototype:
C
Cafeteria Law
The item you had your eye on the minute you wal<ed in will be ta<en by the person in front of you:
Cahn's ABiom CAllen's ABiomD
6hen all else fails= read the instru%tions:
Cal<in's Law of Menu Language
The number of adEe%ti;es and ;erbs that are added to the des%ription of a menu item is in in;erse
proportion to the ?uality of the resulting dish:
Camp's Law
A %oup that is <nown in ad;an%e is a %oup that does not ta<e pla%e:
Campbell's Law
/ature abhors a ;a%uous eBperimenter:
Canada 'ill -ones's Motto
,t's morally wrong to allow su%<ers to <eep their money:
Canada 'ill -ones's 4upplement
A 4mith and 6esson beats four a%es:
Cannon's Cogent Comment
The lea< in the roof is ne;er in the same lo%ation as the drip:
Cannon's Comment
,f you tell the boss you were late for wor< be%ause you had a flat tire= the neBt morning you will ha;e
a
flat tire:
Captain 1enny's Law
8ou %an fool all of the people some of the time= and some of the people all of the time= but you %an't
fool M0M:
The Cardinal Conundrum
An optimist belie;es that we li;e in the best of all possible worlds: A pessimist fears that this is true:
Carpenters Law
,f you ha;e only one nail= it will bend:
Carson's Law
,t's better to be ri%h and healthy than poor and si%<:
Cartoon Laws
1:Any body suspended in spa%e will remain in spa%e until made aware of its situation: (affy (u%<
steps off a %liff= eBpe%ting further pastureland: +e loiters in midair= solilo?ui"ing flippantly= until he
%han%es to loo< down: At this point= the familiar prin%iple of G> feet per se%ond per se%ond ta<es
o;er:
>:Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter inter;enes suddenly: 6hether
shot
from a %annon or in hot pursuit on foot= %artoon %hara%ters are so absolute in their momentum that
only a telephone pole or an outsi"e boulder retards their forward motion absolutely: 4ir ,saa%
/ewton %alled this sudden termination of motion the stooge's sur%ease:
G:Any body passing through solid matter will lea;e a perforation %onforming to its perimeter: Also
%alled the silhouette of passage= this phenomenon is the spe%iality of ;i%tims of dire%ted@pressure
eBplosions and of re%<less %owards who are so eager to es%ape that they eBit dire%tly through the
wall of a house= lea;ing a %oo<ie@%utout@ perfe%t hole: The threat of s<un<s or matrimony often
%ataly"es this rea%tion:
H:The time re?uired for an obEe%t to fall twenty stories is greater than or e?ual to the time it ta<es for
whoe;er <no%<ed it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to %apture it unbro<en:
4u%h
an obEe%t is ine;itably pri%eless= the attempt to %apture it ine;itably unsu%%essful:
I:All prin%iples of gra;ity are negated by fear: 1sy%hi% for%es are suffi%ient in most bodies for a sho%<
to propel them dire%tly away from the earth's surfa%e: A spoo<y noise or an ad;ersary's signature
sound will indu%e motion upward= usually to the %radle of a %handelier= a treetop= or the %rest of a
flagpole: The feet of a %hara%ter who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need ne;er tou%h
the ground= espe%ially when in flight:
J:As speed in%reases= obEe%ts %an be in se;eral pla%es at on%e: This is parti%ularly true of
tooth@and@%law fights= in whi%h a %hara%ter's head may be glimpsed emerging from the %loud of
alter%ation at se;eral pla%es simultaneously: This effe%t is %ommon as well among bodies that are
spinning or being throttled: A 'wa%<y' %hara%ter has the option of self@ repli%ation only at mani% high
speeds and may ri%o%het off walls to a%hie;e the ;elo%ity re?uired:
7:Certain bodies %an pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entran%esA others %annot:
This trompe l'oeil in%onsisten%y has baffled generation= but at least it is <nown that whoe;er paints
an entran%e on a wall's surfa%e to tri%< an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoreti%al
spa%e: The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting: This is
ultimately a problem of art= not of s%ien%e:
K:Any ;iolent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent: Cartoon %ats possess e;en more
deaths than the traditional nine li;es might %omfortably afford: They %an be de%imated= spli%ed=
splayed= a%%ordion@pleated= spindled= or disassembled= but they %annot be destroyed: After a few
moments of blin<ing self pity= they reinflate= elongate= snap ba%<= or solidify:
Corollary @ A %at will assume the shape of its %ontainer:
9:*or e;ery ;engean%e there is an e?ual and opposite re;engean%e: This is the one law of animated
%artoon motion that also applies to the physi%al world at large: *or that reason= we need the relief of
wat%hing it happen to a du%< instead:
1L:E;erything falls faster than an an;il: EBamples too numerous to mention from the 3oadrunner
%artoons:
Ca;anaugh's 1ostulate
All <oo<ies are not in a Ear:
Cayo's Law
The only things that start on time are those that you're late for:
Chappa?uidi%< Theorem
The sooner and in more detail you announ%e the bad news= the better:
Law of Chara%ter and Appearan%e
1eople don't %hangeA they only be%ome more so:
Chase's Contentions
1:The eBplanation re?uiring the fewest assumptions is the most li<ely to be %orre%t:
>:6hene;er two hypotheses %o;er the fa%ts= use the simpler of the two:
G:Cut the %rap: A good plan today is better than a perfe%t plan tomorrow:
Chase's 0bser;ations of +uman 'elief
1:The most preposterous notion that +omo 4apiens has e;er dreamed up is that there is a Lord od
of Creation:
>:That this od is the shaper and ruler of all the uni;erse:
G:That this od li;es up in the s<y:
H:That this od wants the sa%%harine adoration of his %reatures and %an be swayed by their prayers:
I:That this od be%omes petulant if +e does not re%ei;e this flatteryA
Con%lusion @ This absurd fantasy= without a shred of e;iden%e to bolster it= pays all the eBpenses of
the oldest= largest= and least produ%ti;e industry in all history:
Chase's 3ule *or 4u%%ess
Trust only those who stand to lose as mu%h as you when things go wrong:
Chases Laws of Car 3epairs
1:Lea<proof seals@ will:
>:4elf starters @won't:
G:,nter%hangeable parts@won't:
H:Any tool dropped while repairing a %ar will roll underneath to the eBa%t %enter:
I:After you ha;e repaired it yourself you will ha;e one small part left o;er that doesn't go anywhere:
J:E;ery automobile %omes with a build in abyss whi%h things that you ha;e dropped fall into= ne;er to
be seen again:
Che%<boo< 'alan%er's Law
,n matters of dispute= the ban<'s balan%e is always smaller than yours:
Cheops's Law
/othing e;er gets built on s%hedule or within budget:
Chesterton's 0bser;ation
, ha;e seen the truth and it ma<es no sense:
Chili Coo<'s 4e%ret
,f your neBt pot of %hili tastes better= it probably is be%ause of something left out= rather than added:
Chisholm's *irst Law and Corollary
see Murphy's Third and *ifth Laws:
Chisholm's 4e%ond Law
6hen things are going well= something will go wrong:
CorollariesF
1:6hen things Eust %an't get any worse= they will:
>:Anytime things appear to be going better= you ha;e o;erloo<ed something:
Chisholm's Third Law
1roposals= as understood by the proposer= will be Eudged otherwise by others:
CorollariesF
1:,f you eBplain so %learly that nobody %an misunderstand= somebody will:
>:,f you do something whi%h you are sure will meet with e;eryone's appro;al= somebody won't
li<e it:
G:1ro%edures de;ised to implement the purpose won't ?uite wor<:
H:/o matter how long or how many times you eBplain= no one is listening:
Chur%hill's Commentary on Man
Man will o%%asionally stumble o;er the truth= but most of the time he will pi%< himself up and
%ontinue
on as though nothing has happened:
Ciardi's 1oetry Law
6hene;er in time= and where;er in the uni;erse= any man spea<s or writes in any detail about the
te%hni%al management of a poem= the resulting iras%ibility of the reader's response is a %onstant:
Cirino's Law of 'urnt *ingers
+ot glass loo<s the same as %old glass:
Clar<'s *irst Law of 3elati;ity
/o matter how often you trade dinner or other in;itations with in@laws= you will lose a small fortune
in
the eB%hange:
Corollary @ (on't try itF you %annot drin< enough of your in@laws' boo"e to get e;en before your li;er
fails:
Clar<'s Law
,t's always dar<est Eust before the lights go out:
Clar<e's *irst Law
6hen a distinguished but elderly s%ientist states that something is possible= he is almost %ertainly
right: 6hen he states that something is impossible= he is ;ery probably wrong:
Corollary CAsimo;D @ 6hen the lay publi% rallies round an idea that is denoun%ed by distinguished
but elderly s%ientists= and supports that idea with great fer;or and emotion @@ the distinguished but
elderly s%ientists are then= after all= right:
Clar<e's 4e%ond Law
The limits of the possible %an only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible:
Clar<e's Third Law
Any suffi%iently ad;an%ed te%hnology is indistinguishable from magi%:
Clar<e's Law of 3e;olutionary ,deas
E;ery re;olutionary idea @@ in 4%ien%e= 1oliti%s= Art or 6hate;er @@ e;o<es three stages of rea%tion:
They may be summed up by the three phrasesF
1:M,t is %ompletely impossible @@ don't waste my time:M
>:M,t is possible= but it is not worth doing:M
G:M, said it was a good idea all along:M
Cle;eland's +ighway Law
+ighways in the worst need of repair naturally ha;e low traffi% %ounts= whi%h results in low priority
for
repair wor<:
Clopton's Law
*or e;ery %redibility gap there is a gullibility fill:
Clyde's Law
,f you ha;e something to do= and put it off long enough= %han%es are that someone else will do it for
you:
Cohen's Law
6hat really matters is the name you su%%eed in imposing on the fa%ts @@ not the fa%ts themsel;es:
Cohen's Laws of 1oliti%s
Law of Alienation
/othing %an so alienate a ;oter from the politi%al system as ba%<ing a winning %andidate:
Law of Ambition
At any one time= thousands of borough %oun%ilmen= s%hool board members= attorneys= and
businessmen @@ as well as %ongressmen= senators= and go;ernors @@ are dreaming of the 6hite
+ouse= but few= if any of them= will ma<e it:
Law of Attra%tion
1ower attra%ts people but it %annot hold them:
Law of Competition
The more ?ualified %andidates who are a;ailable= the more li<ely the %ompromise will be on the
%andidate whose main ?ualifi%ation is a nonthreatening in%ompeten%e:
Law of ,nside (ope
There are many inside dopes in politi%s and go;ernment:
Law of Lawma<ing
Those who eBpress random thoughts to legislati;e %ommittees are often surprised and appalled to
find themsel;es the instigators of law:
Law of 1ermanen%e
1oliti%al power is as permanent as today's newspaper: Ten years from now= few will <now or %are
who the most powerful man in any state was today:
Law of 4e%re%y
The best way to publi%i"e a go;ernmental or politi%al a%tion is to attempt to hide it:
Law of 6ealth
5i%tory goes to the %andidate with the most a%%umulated or %ontributed wealth who has the finan%ial
resour%es to %on;in%e the middle %lass and poor that he will be on their side:
Law of 6isdom
6isdom is %onsidered a sign of wea<ness by the powerful be%ause a wise man %an lead without
power but only a powerful man %an lead without wisdom:
Cohn's Law
The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing= the less time you ha;e to do anything:
4tability is a%hie;ed when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you
are
doing:
Cole's ABiom
The sum of the intelligen%e on the planet is a %onstantA the population is growing:
Cole's Law
Thinly sli%ed %abbage:
Colson's Law
6hen you';e got them by the balls= their hearts and minds will follow:
Comin's Law
1eople will a%%ept your idea mu%h more readily if you tell them 'enEamin *ran<lin said it first:
Committee Law
1:A %ommittee is the only life form with 1> stoma%hs and no brain:
>:A %amel is a horse whi%h was designed by a %ommittee
G:,f more than one person is responsible for a mis%al%ulation= no one will be at fault:
H:A %ommittee is twel;e people doing the wor< of one:
Committee 3ules
1:/e;er arri;e on time= or you will be stamped a beginner:
>:(on't say anything until the meeting is half o;erA this stamps you as being wise:
G:'e as ;ague as possibleA this pre;ents irritating the others:
H:6hen in doubt= suggest that a sub%ommittee be appointed:
I:'e the first to mo;e for adEournmentA this will ma<e you popular @@ it's what e;eryone is waiting for:
Commoner's Three Laws of E%ology
1:/o a%tion is without side@effe%ts:
>:/othing e;er goes away:
G:There is no free lun%h:
Compensation Corollary
The eBperiment may be %onsidered a su%%ess if no more than ILP of the obser;ed measurments
must be dis%arded to obtain a %orresponden%e with theory:
Law of Competition
The more ?ualified %andidates who are a;ailable= the more li<ely the %ompromise will be on the
%andidate whose main ?ualifi%ation is a nonthreatening in%ompeten%e:
Law of Computability
Any system or program= howe;er %ompli%ated= if loo<ed at in eBa%tly the right way= will be%ome
e;en
more %ompli%ated:
Law of Computability Applied to 4o%ial 4%ien%e C'roo<'s LawD
,f at first you don't su%%eed= transform your data set:
Conferen%e 1rin%iple
The spea<er with the most monotonous ;oi%e spea<s after the big meal:
Connolly's Law of Cost Control
The pri%e of any produ%t produ%ed for a go;ernment agen%y will be not less than the s?uare of the
initial *irm *iBed@1ri%e Contra%t:
Connolly's 3ule for 1oliti%al ,n%umbents
4hort@term su%%ess with ;oters on any side of a gi;en issue %an be guaranteed by %reating a
long@term spe%ial study %ommission made up of at least three di;ergent interest groups:
Conrad's Conundrum C4tentson's LawD
Te%hnologie don't transfer:
Considine's Law
6hene;er one word or letter %an %hange the entire meaning of a senten%e= the probability of an
error being made will be in dire%t proportion to the embarrassment it will %ause:
Consultation Law
The Eob that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deli;er the ser;i%es:
Law of Consumer E%onomi%s
,f the shoe fits= it's ugly: ,f it's good= they dis%ontinue it:
Conway's Law
,n e;ery organi"ation there will always be one person who <nows what is going on: This person must
be fired:
Conway's Law N1
,f you assign / persons to write a %ompiler you'll get a /@1 pass %ompiler:
Conway's Law N>
,n e;ery organi"ation there will always be one person who <nows what is going on: This person must
be fired:
Coo<'s Law
Mu%h wor<= mu%h foodA little wor<= little foodA no wor<= burial at sea:
Coo<'s Laws of Tra;el
1:6hen pa%<ing for a ;a%ation= ta<e half as mu%h %lothing and twi%e as mu%h money:
>:/othing %an be done in one trip:
G:,f you ha;e the time= you won't ha;e the money: ,f you ha;e the money you won't ha;e the time:
Coo<e's Law
,n any de%isi;e situation= the amount of rele;ant information a;ailable is in;ersely proportional to the
importan%e of the de%ision:
Coolidge's ,mmutable 0bser;ation
6hen more and more people are thrown out of wor<= unemployment results:
Cooper's Law
All ma%hines are amplifiers:
Cooper's Metalaw
A proliferation of new laws %reates a proliferation of new loopholes:
Cor%oroni's Laws of 'us Transportation
1:The bus that left the stop Eust before you got there is your bus:
>:The amount of time you ha;e to wait for a bus is dire%tly proportional to the in%lemen%y of the
weather:
G:All buses heading in the opposite dire%tion dri;e off the fa%e of the earth and ne;er return:
H:The last rush@hour eBpress bus to your neighborhood lea;es fi;e minutes before you get off wor<:
I:'us s%hedules are arranged so your bus will arri;e at the transfer point pre%isely one minute after
the %onne%ting bus has left:
J:Any bus that %an be the wrong bus will be the wrong bus: All others are out of ser;i%e or full:
Cornuelle's Law
Authority tends to assign Eobs to those least able to do them:
Law of Corre%tibility
/o matter how well you perform your Eob= a superior will see< to modify the results:
Corry's Law
1aper is always strongest at the perforations:
Cosmetologist's 1rin%iple
6hene;er you need to stop at a light to put on ma<eup= e;ery light will be green:
Courtois's 3ule
,f people listened to themsel;es more often= they'd tal< less:
Crane's Law C*riedman's 3eiterationD
There ain't no su%h thing as a free lun%h: CMtanstaaflMD
Crane's 3ule
There are three ways to get something doneF do it yourself= hire someone= or forbid your <ids to do
it:
Cripp's Law
6hen tra;eling with %hildren on one's holidays= at least one %hild of any number of %hildren will
re?uest a rest room stop eBa%tly halfway between any two gi;en rest areas:
Cropp's Law
The amount of wor< done ;aries in;ersely with the amount of time spent in the offi%e:
Culshaw's *irst 1rin%iple of 3e%orded 4ound
Anything= no matter how bad= will sound good if played ba%< at a ;ery high le;el for a short time:
Cutler 6ebster's Law
There are two sides to e;ery argument unless a man is personally in;ol;ed= in whi%h %ase there is
only one:
Law of Cyberneti% Entomology
There's always one more bug:
C"e%ins<i's Con%lusion
There is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a %onferen%e and wa<ing to find that you are
at a %onferen%e= and that is the %onferen%e where you %an't fall asleep:
(
(anforth's 3ules of 3andom 4ele%tion
1:/e;er be first
>:/e;er be last:
G:/e;er ;olunteer for anything:
(arrow's 0bser;ation
+istory repeats itself: That's one of the things wrong with history:
(arwin's 0bser;ation
/ature will tell you a dire%t lie if she %an:
(a;e's Law of Ad;i%e
Those with the best ad;i%e offer no ad;i%e:
(a;e's 3ule of 4treet 4ur;i;al
4pea< softly and own a big= mean (oberman:
(a;idson's MaBim
(emo%ra%y is that form of go;ernment where e;erybody gets what the maEority deser;es:
(a;is's 'asi% Law of Medi%ine
1ills to be ta<en in twos always %ome out of the bottle in threes:
(awson's 3ules of 4uperior ,nferiority
1:(on't let your superiors <now that your are better than they are:
>:8ou ne;er <now who's right but you always <now who's in %harge:
(eadline@(an's (emo (emonstration
The higher the QQhigher@ups'' are who';e %ome to see your demo= the lower your %han%es are of
gi;ing a su%%essful one:
(eadlo%<'s Law
,f the law@ma<ers ma<e a %ompromise= the pla%e where it will be felt most is the taBpayer's po%<et:
Corollary @ The %ompromise will always be more eBpensi;e than either of the suggestions it is
%ompromising:
(ean Martin's (efinition of (run<enness
8ou're not drun< if you %an lie on the floor without holding on:
(ean's Law of the (istri%t of Columbia
6ashington is a mu%h better pla%e if you are as<ing ?uestions rather than answering them:
*irst Law of (ebate
/e;er argue with a fool: 1eople might not <now the differen%e:
(e%aprio's 3ule
E;erything ta<es more time and money:
(eit"'s Law of Ego
The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a %olumn is in dire%t ratio to the obs%urity of the
mentionee:
(emian's 0bser;ation
There is always one item on the s%reen menu thatis mislabeled and should read MQAbandon all hope
8e who enter hereM:
(ennis's 1rin%iples of Management by Crisis
1:To get a%tion out of management= it is ne%essary to %reate the illusion of a %risis in the hope it will
be a%ted upon:
>:Management will sele%t a%tions or e;ents and %on;ert them to %rises: ,t will then o;er@rea%t:
G:Management is in%apable of re%ogni"ing a true %risis:
H:The s?uea<y hinge gets the oil:
(enniston's Law
5irtue is its own punishment:
*ifth Law of (esign
(esign flaws tra;el in groups:
(hawan's Laws for the /on@4mo<er
1:The %igarette smo<e always drifts in the dire%tion of the non@smo<er regardless of the dire%tion of
the bree"e:
>:The amount of pleasure deri;ed from a %igarette is dire%tly proportional to the number of
non@smo<ers in the ;i%inity:
G:A smo<er is always attra%ted to the non@smo<ing se%tion:
H:The life of a %igarette is dire%tly proportional to the intensity of the protests from non@smo<ers:
(i%tum
0ne should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible:
(ieter's Law
*ood that tastes the best has the highest number of %alories:
(iE<stra's 1res%ription for 1rogramming ,nertia
,f you don't <now what your program is supposed to do= you'd better not start writing it:
(iners (ilemmas
1:A %lean tie attra%ts the soup of the day:
>:The hardness of butter is in dire%t proportion to the softness of the roll:
(ingle's Law
6hen someone drops something= e;erybody will <i%< it around instead of pi%<ing it up:
(iogenes's *irst (i%tum
The more hea;ily a man is supposed to be taBed= the more power he has to es%ape being taBed:
(iogenes's 4e%ond (i%tum
,f a taBpayer thin<s he %an %heat safely= he probably will:
(ir<sen's Three Laws of 1oliti%s
1:et ele%ted:
>:et re@ele%ted:
G:(on't get mad @@ get e;en:
The *irst (is%o;ery of Christmas Morning
'atteries not in%luded:
The *irst (is%o;ery of Christmas Afternoon
i;e a <id a new toy@ (ad will play with the toy= the <id will play with the boB it %ame in:
(o%'s Laws of Automoti;e 3epair
1:,f you %an rea%h the faulty part= you don't ha;e the tool to get it off:
>:2uality is in;ersely proportional to the time left to %omplete the Eob:
G:,f it Eams@for%e it: ,f it brea<s= it needed repla%ing anyhow:
Law of (o%toring
,t ne;er heals %orre%tly:
(olly 1arton's 1rin%iple
The bigger they are= the harder it is to see your shoes:
(onohue's Law
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money:
(onsen's Law
The spe%ialist learns more and more about less and less until= finally= he <nows e;erything about
nothingA whereas the generalist learns less and less about more and more until= finally= he <nows
nothing about e;erything:
(ooley's Law
Trust e;erybody= but %ut the %ards:
(ouglas's Law of 1ra%ti%al Aeronauti%al design
6hen the weight of the paperwor< e?uals the weight of the plane= the plane will fly:
(ouglas's Law of 1ra%ti%al Aeronauti%s
6hen the weight of the paperwor< e?uals the weight of the plane= the plane will fly:
(ow's Law
,n a hierar%hi%al organi"ation= the higher the le;el= the greater the %onfusion:
*irst Law of (ri;ing
There is no traffi% until you start to ba%< out of your dri;eway:
Law of (ri;ing (ynami%s
The speed of an on%oming ;ehi%le is dire%tly proportional to the length of the passing "one:
(ror's *irst Law
6hile the diffi%ulties and dangers of problems tend to in%rease at a geometri% rate= the <nowledge
and manpower ?ualified to deal with these problems tend to in%rease linearly:
(ror's 4e%ond Law
6hile human %apa%ities to shape the en;ironment= so%iety= and human beings are rapidly
in%reasing= poli%yma<ing %apabilities to use those %apa%ities remain the same:
(ryer's Law of Timing
,f you're early= it'll be %an%eled: ,f you <no%< yourself out to be on time you will ha;e to wait: ,f
you're
late= you will be too late:
(u%harme's 1re%ept
0pportunity always <no%<s at the least opportune moment:
(ude's Law of (uality
0f two possible e;ents= only the undesired one will o%%ur:
(unn's (is%o;ery
The shortest measurable inter;al of time is the time between the moment one puts a little eBtra
aside for a sudden emergen%y and the arri;al of that emergen%y:
(unne's Law
The territory behind rhetori% is too often mined with e?ui;o%ation:
(urant's (is%o;ery
0ne of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a %le;er thing to
say:
(urrell's 1arameter
The faster the plane= the narrower the seats:
(yer's Law
A %ontinuing flow of paper is suffi%ient to %ontinue the flow of paper:
(y<stra's Law
E;erybody is somebody else's weirdo:
E
Law of e%onomi% dispersion
The one you want is ne;er the one on sale: ,f you li<e it= they don't ha;e it in your si"e: 8ou ne;er
want the one you %an afford:
E%onomists' Laws
1:6hat men learn from history is that men do not learn from history:
>:,f on an a%tuarial basis there is a IL@IL %han%e that something will go wrong= it will a%tually go
wrong
nine times out of ten:
Ed 8ourdonradar's *undamental Truth
The grass is brown on both sides of the fen%e:
Ed's *ifth 3ule of 1ro%rastination
4pend suffi%ient time %onfirming the need and the need will disappear:
Edds Law of 3adiology
The %older the B@ray table= the more of your body you are re?uired to pla%e on it:
Edington's Theory
The number of different hypotheses ere%ted to eBplain a gi;en biologi%al phenomenon is in;ersely
proportional to the a;ailable <nowledge:
Law of Editorial Corre%tion
Anyone nit@pi%<ing enough to write a letter of %orre%tion to an editor doubtless deser;es the error
that pro;o<ed it:
Ehre's (ouble@(oor Law
,n approa%hing a double door= you will always go to the one door that is lo%<ed= pull when you
should
ha;e pushed= and push when the sign says pull:
Ehrli%h's 3ule
The first rule of intelligent tin<ering is to sa;e all the parts:
Ehrman's Commentary
Things will get worse before they will get better: 6ho said things would get betterR
Ehrman's Commentary on inberg's Theorem
1:Things will get worse before they get better:
>:6ho said things would get betterR
Ele%troni% theorem of tele;ision sets
A SGLL pi%ture tube will prote%t a 1LT fuse by blowing first
Elena's Laws of Animal 'eha;ior
The probability of a %at eating it's dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the pri%e of the food
pla%ed before it:
Eliot's 0bser;ation
/othing is so good as it seems beforehand:
Ellenberg's Theory
0ne good turn gets most of the blan<et:
Emerson's ,nsight
That whi%h we %all sin in others is eBperiment for us:
Eng's 1rin%iples
The easier it is to do= the harder it is to %hange:
The MEnough AlreadyM Law
The more you run o;er a dead %at= the flatter it gets:
Law of Entropy
,f you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage you get sewage: ,f you put a spoonful of
sewage into a barrel full of wine you still get sewage:
Epstein's Law
,f you thin< the problem is bad now= Eust wait until we';e sol;ed it:
Erhard's Contention
/othing matters ;ery mu%h= and few things matter at all:
Ers<ines 0bser;ation on o;ernment 1ro%urement
An elephant is a mouse built to go;ernment spe%ifi%ations:
Etorre's 0bser;ation
The other line mo;es faster:
Corollary @ (on't try to %hange lines: The other line @@ the one you were in originally @@ will then
mo;e
faster:
Ettorre's 0bser;ation
The other line mo;es faster:
E;ans's Law
/othing worth a damn is e;er done as a matter of prin%iple: C,f it is worth doing= it is done be%ause it
is worth doing: ,f it is not= it's done as a matter of prin%iple:D
E;ans's Law of 1oliti%s
6hen team members are finally in a position to help the team= it turns out they ha;e ?uit the team:
E;e's (is%o;ery
At a bargain sale= the only suit or dress that you li<e best and that fits is the one not on sale:
Adam's Corollary @ ,t's easy to tell when you';e got a bargain @@ it doesn't fit:
E;elyn's 3ules for 'ureau%rati% 4ur;i;al
1:A bureau%rat's %astle is his des<::: and par<ing pla%e: 1ro%eed %autiously when %hanging either:
>:0n the theory that one should ne;er ta<e anything for granted= follow up on e;erything= but
espe%ially
those items ;arying from the norm: The greater the di;ergen%e from normal routine andUor the
greater the number of offi%es potentially in;ol;ed= the better the %han%e a ne;er@to@be@dis%o;ered
person will file the problem away in a drawer spe%ifi%ally designed for items re?uiring a de%ision:
G:/e;er say without ?ualifi%ation that your a%ti;ity has suffi%ient spa%e= money= staff= et%:
H:Always distrust offi%es not under your Eurisdi%tion whi%h say that they are there to ser;e you:
M4upportM offi%es in a bureau%ra%y tend to grow in si"e and ma<e demands on you out of proportion
to their ser;i%e= and in the end re?uire more effort on your part than their ser;i%e is worth:
Corollary @ 4upport organi"ations %an always pro;e su%%ess by showing ser;i%e to someone::: not
ne%essarily you:
I:,n%ompetents often hire able assistants:
E;eritt's *orm of the 4e%ond Law of Thermodynami%s
Confusion CentropyD is always in%reasing in so%iety: 0nly if someone or something wor<s eBtremely
hard %an this %onfusion be redu%ed to order in a limited region: /e;ertheless= this effort will stil
result
in an in%rease in the total %onfusion of so%iety at large:
E;;ie /ef's Law
There is a solution to e;ery problemA the only diffi%ulty is finding it:
EBperiential Law
ood Eudgment %omes from eBperien%e: EBperien%e %omes from bad Eudgment:
*irst Law of EBpert Ad;i%e
(on't as< the barber whether you need a hair%ut:
EBtended Epstein@+eisenberg 1rin%iple
,n an 3 V ( orbit= only > of the eBisting G parameters %an be defined simultaneously: The
parameters areF tas<= time= and resour%es CSD:
1:,f one <nows what the tas< is= and there is a time limit allowed for the %ompletion of the tas<=
then one %annot guess how mu%h it will %ost:
>:,f the time and resour%es CSD are %learly defined= then it is impossible to <now what part of the
3 V ( tas< will be performed:
G:,f you are gi;en a %learly defined 3 V ( goal and a definte amount of money whi%h has been
%al%ulated to be ne%essary for the %ompletion of the tas<= one %annot predi%t if and when the
goal will be rea%hed:
H:,f one is lu%<y enough to be able to a%%urately define all three parameters= then what one is
dealing with is not in the realm of 3 V (:
EBtended Murphy's Law
,f a series of e;ents %an go wrong= it will do so in the worst possible se?uen%e:
*
*aber's Laws
1:,f there isn't a law= there will be:
>:The number of errors in any pie%e of writing rises in proportion to the writer's relian%e on se%ondary
sour%es:
3ule of *ailure
,f at first you don't su%%eed= destroy all e;iden%e that you ha;e tried:
*airfaB's Law
Any fa%ts whi%h= when in%luded in the argument= gi;e the desired result= are fair fa%ts for the
argument:
*al<land's 3ule
6hen it is not ne%essary to ma<e a de%ision= it is ne%essary not to ma<e a de%ision:
Law of *allibility
E;erything put together falls apart sooner or later: 4ooner or later= the worst possible set of
%ir%umstan%es is bound to o%%ur:
*arber's Laws
1:i;e him an in%h and he'll s%rew you:
>:A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else:
G:6e're all going down the same road in different dire%tions:
H:/e%essity is the mother of strange bedfellows:
*armer's Comment
,f you mess with something long enough= it'll brea<:
*arnsdi%<'s %orollary
After things ha;e gone from bad to worse= the %y%le will repeat itself:
*arrow's *inding
,f od had intended for us to go to %on%erts= +e would ha;e gi;en us ti%<ets:
Law of *ashion
Any gi;en dress isF inde%ent 1L years before its time= daring 1 year before its time= %hi% in its time=
dowdy G years after its time= hideous >L years after its time= amusing GL years after its time=
romanti% 1LL years after its time= and beautiful 1IL years after its time:
*aust's *irst Law of 4ynergism
The one day you'd sell your soul for something= souls are a glut on the mar<et:
*eather<ile's 3ule
6hate;er you did= that's what you planned to do:
3ule of *eline *rustration
6hen your %at has fallen asleep on your lap and loo<s utterly %ontent and adorable= you will
suddenly
ha;e to go to the bathroom:
*eline Law
A %at wal<ing into a room %ontaining twel;e seated people will Eump into the lap of the person who
hates %ats the most:
*emo's Law 0f Automoti;e Engine 3epairing
,f you drop something= it will ne;er rea%h the ground:
*erguson's 1re%ept
A %risis is when you %an't say Mlet's forget the whole thing:M
*etridge's Law
,mportant things that are supposed to happen do not happen= espe%ially when people are loo<ing:
*ett's Law of the Lab
/e;er repli%ate a su%%essful eBperiment:
*ett's Law of the Lab C*ett's LawD
/e;er repli%ate a su%%essful eBperiment:
*inagle's Creed
4%ien%e is Truth: (on't be misled by fa%t:
*inagle's *irst Law
,f an eBperiment wor<s= something has gone wrong:
*inagle's 4e%ond Law
/o matter what the eBperiment's result= there will always be someone eager toF
CaD misinterpret it:
CbD fa<e it: or
C%D belie;e it supports his own pet theory:
*inagle's Third Law
,n any %olle%tion of data= the figure most ob;iously %orre%t= beyond all need of %he%<ing= is the
mista<e:
Corollaries
1:/o one whom you as< for help will see it:
>:E;eryone who stops by with unsought ad;i%e will see it immediately:
*inagle's *ourth Law
0n%e a Eob is fouled up= anything done to impro;e it only ma<es it worse:
*inagle's Law A%%ording to /i;en
The per;ersity of the uni;erse tends to a maBimum:
*inagle's Laws of ,nformation
1:The information you ha;e is not what you want:
>:The information you want is not what you need:
G:The information you need is not what you %an obtain:
H:The information you %an obtain %osts more than you want to pay:
*inagle's 3ules
E;er sin%e the first s%ientifi% eBperiment= man has been plagued by the in%reasing antagonism of
nature: ,t seems only right that nature should be logi%al and neat= but eBperien%e has shown that this
is not the %ase: A further series of rules has been formulated= designed to help man a%%ept the
pigheadedness of nature:
1:To study a subEe%t best= understand it thoroughly before you start:
>:Always <eep a re%ord of data: ,t indi%ates you';e been wor<ing:
G:Always draw your %ur;es= then plot the reading:
H:,n %ase of doubt= ma<e it sound %on;in%ing:
I:Law of Continuity
EBperiments should be reprodu%ible: They should all fail in the same way:
Corresponden%e Corollary
An eBperiment may be %onsidered a su%%ess if no more than half of your data must be
dis%arded to obtain
J:6hen you don't <now what you are doing= do it /EATL8:
7:Teamwor< is essentialA it allows you to blame someone else:
K:Always ;erify your wit%h%raft:
9:'e sure to obtain meteorologi%al data before lea;ing on ;a%ation:
1L:(o not belie;e in mira%les: 3ely on them:
*innigan's Law
,n any %olle%tion of data= the figure most ob;iously %orre%t= beyond all need of %he%<ing is the
mista<e:
*inster's Law
A %losed mouth gathers no feet:
*irestone's Law of *or%asting
Chi%<en Little only has to be right on%e:
*irth's Law of Tailoring
/o matter how many alterations= %heap pants ne;er fit:
*ishbein's Con%lusion
The tire is only flat on the bottom:
*it"@ibbon's Law
Creati;ity ;aries in;ersely with the number of %oo<s in;ol;ed with the broth:
*lagle's Law of the 1er;ersity of ,nanimate 0bEe%ts C*lap's LawD
Any inanimate obEe%t= regardless of its %omposition or %onfiguration= may be eBpe%ted to perform at
any time in a totally uneBpe%ted manner= for reasons that are either entirely obs%ure or else
%ompletely mysterious:
*law of Long@3ange 1lanning
The longer ahead you plan a spe%ial e;ent= and the more spe%ial it is= the more li<ely it is to go
wrong:
*lip 6ilson's Law
8ou %an't eBpe%t to hit the Ea%<pot if you don't put a few ni%<les in the ma%hine:
Law *or *ree@Lan%e Artists
1:A high paying rush Eob will %ome in only after you';e %ommitted to a low paying rush Eob:
>:All rush Eobs are due the same day:
G:The rush Eob you spent all night on won't be pi%<ed up by the %ustomer for two days: Anything is
easier to ta<e apart than to put together
*ord 1into 3ule
/e;er buy a %ar that has a wi%<:
*ormula for 1ubli% 0ffi%e 4ur;i;al
1:EBploit the ine;itable Cwhi%h means= ta<e %redit for anything good whi%h happens whether you had
anything to do with it or notD:
>:(on't disturb the perimeter Cmeaning don't stir up a mess unless you %an be sure of the resultD:
G:4tay in with the 0uts Cthe ,ns will ma<e so many mista<es= you %an't afford to alienate the 0utsD:
H:o where the money is:
*orsyth's 4e%ond Corollary to Murphy's Laws
-ust when you see the light at the end of the tunnel= the roof %a;es in:
*orthoffer's Cyni%al 4ummary of 'ar"un's Laws
That whi%h has not yet been taught dire%tly %an ne;er be taught dire%tly:
,f at first you don't su%%eed= you will ne;er su%%eed:
*ortis's Three reat Lies of Life
1:Money isn't e;erything:
>:,t's great to be a /egro:
G:,'m only going to put it in a little way:
*oster's Law
,f you %o;er a %ongressional %ommittee on a regular basis= they will report the bill on your day off:
*ourteenth Corollary of Atwood's eneral Law of (ynami% /egati;es
/o boo<s are lost by loaning eB%ept those you parti%ularly wanted to <eep:
*owler's Law
,n a bureau%ra%y= a%%omplishment is in;ersely proportional to the ;olume of paper used:
*owler's /ote
The only imperfe%t thing in nature is the human ra%e:
*ran<el's Law
6hate;er happens in go;ernment %ould ha;e happened differently= and it usually would ha;e been
better if it had:
Corollary @ 0n%e things ha;e happened= no matter how a%%identally= they will be regarded as
manifestations of an un%hangeable +igher 3eason:
*ran<lin's 0bser;ation
+e that li;es upon +ope dies farting:
*ran<lin's 3ule
'lessed is he who eBpe%ts nothing= for he shall not be disappointed:
*red Allen's Motto
,'d rather ha;e a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy:
*reddie's Laws of 'iome%hani%s
The se;erity of the it%h is dire%tly proportional toF
The number of persons in the group you are with:
The distan%e you must rea%h to s%rat%h it:
The more embarrassing the pla%e that must be s%rat%hed:
*reeman's Commentary on inberg's Theorem
E;ery maEor philosophy that attempts to ma<e life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one
part of insberg's Theorem: To witF
1:Capitalism is based on the assumption that you %an win:
>:4o%ialism is based on the assumption that you %an brea< e;en:
G:Mysti%ism is based on the assumption that you %an ?uit the game:
*reeman's 3ule
/othing is so simple that it %annot be misunderstood:
*reemon's 3ule
Cir%umstan%es %an for%e a generali"ed in%ompetent to be%ome %ompetent= at least in a spe%iali"ed
field:
*ried's Law
,deas endure and prosper in in;erse proportion to their soundness and ;alidity:
Law of *riendship
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disli<ed:
*ris%h's Law
8ou %annot ha;e a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant:
*rothingham's *alla%y
Time is money:
*udd's *irst Law of 0pposition
,f you push something hard enough= it will fall o;er:
*ulton's Law
6hen you need to <no%< on wood is when you dis%o;er that the world is made of aluminum= ;inyl
and fiberglass:
*undamental Tenet of 3eform
3eforms %ome from below: /o man with four a%es howls for a new deal:
*un<houser's Law of the 1ower of the 1ress
The ?uality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is in;ersely proportional to the ;olume of
media %lamor that brought it on:
The *utility *a%tor CCarson's ConsolationD
/o eBperiment is e;er a %omplete failure @@ it %an always ser;e as a bad eBample= or the eB%eption
that pro;es the rule Cbut only if it is the first eBperiment in the seriesD:
Law of *uture 3esults
/othing e;er %omes out as planned:
*yffe's ABiom
The problem@sol;ing pro%ess will always brea< down at the point at whi%h it is possible to determine
who %aused the problem:

adarene 4wine Law
Merely be%ause the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right %ourse:
albraith's Law of 1oliti%al 6isdom
Anyone who says he isn't going to resign= four times= definitely will:
albraith's Law of 1rominen%e
etting on the %o;er of MTimeM guarantees the eBisten%e of opposition in the future:
allois's 3e;elation
,f you put tomfoolery into a %omputer= nothing %omes ba%< out but tomfoolery: 'ut this tomfoolery=
ha;ing passed through a ;ery eBpensi;e ma%hine= is somehow ennobled= and no one dares to
%riti%i"e it:
Corollary @ An eBpert is a person who a;oids the small errors while sweeping on to the rand
*alla%y:
ardner's 3ule of 4o%iety
The so%iety whi%h s%orns eB%ellen%e in plumbing be%ause plumbing is a humble a%ti;ity and
tolerates shoddiness in philosophy be%ause it is an eBalted a%ti;ity will ha;e neither good plumbing
nor good philosophy: /either its pipes nor its theories will hold water:
arfin<le's Law of 2uality
of two possible e;ents= only the undesired one will o%%ur:
ell@Mann's (i%tum
6hate;er isn't forbidden is re?uired:
Corollary @ ,f there's no reason why something shouldn't eBist= then it must eBist:
Law of eneral Assistan%e
,n dealing with their own problems= helping professionals are the most eBtreme %onser;ati;es:: ,n
dealing with the problems of others= they are the most eBtreme liberals:
Law of enerali"ations
All generali"ations are false:
errold's *undamental Truth
,t's a good thing money %an't buy happiness: 6e %ouldn't stand the %ommer%ials:
errold's Law
A little ignoran%e %an go a long way:
Lyall's Addendum :::in the dire%tion of maBimum harm:
errold's Laws of ,nfernal (ynami%s
1:An obEe%t in motion will always be headed in the wrong dire%tion:
>:An obEe%t at rest will always be in the wrong pla%e:
G:The energy re?uired to %hange either one of the states will always be more than you wish to eBpend=
but ne;er so mu%h as to ma<e the tas< totally impossible:
errold's 1ronoun%ement
The differen%e between a politi%ian and a snail is that a snail lea;es its slime behind:
ershwin's Law
,t ain't ne%essarily so:
etty's 3eminder
The mee< shall inherit the earth= but /0T its mineral rights:
ibb's Law
,nfinity is one lawyer waiting for another:
ilb's Laws of $nreliability Csee also Troutman's Laws of Computer 1rogrammingD
1:Computers are unreliable= but humans are e;en more unreliable:
Corollary @ At the sour%e of e;ery error whi%h is blamed on the %omputer you will find at least two
human errors= in%luding the error of blaming it on the %omputer:
>:Any system whi%h depends on human reliability is unreliable:
G:The only differen%e between the fool and the %riminal who atta%<s a system is that the fool atta%<s
unpredi%tably and on a broader front:
H:A system tends to grow in terms of %ompleBity rather than of simplifi%ation= until the resulting
unreliability be%omes intolerable:
I:4elf@%he%<ing systems tend to ha;e a %ompleBity in proportion to the inherent unreliability of the
system in whi%h they are used:
J:The error@dete%tion and %orre%tion %apabilities of any system will ser;e as the <ey to understanding
the type of errors whi%h they %annot handle:
7:$ndete%table errors are infinite in ;ariety= in %ontrast to dete%table errors= whi%h by definition are
limited:
K:All real programs %ontain errors until pro;ed otherwise @@ whi%h is impossible:
9:,n;estment in reliability will in%rease until it eB%eeds the probable %ost of errors= or somebody insists
on getting some useful wor< done:
ilmer's Motto for 1oliti%al Leadership
Loo< o;er your shoulder now and then to be sure someone's following you:
insberg's Theorems Cenerali"ed Laws of Thermodynami%s or insberg's 3estatement of the
Three Laws of Thermodynami%sD
1:8ou %an't win:
>:8ou %an't brea< e;en:
G:8ou %an't e;en ?uit the game:
latum's Law of Materialisti% A%?uisiti;eness
The per%ei;ed usefulness of an arti%le is in;ersely proportional to its a%tual usefulness on%e bought
and paid for:
lyme's *ormula for 4u%%ess
The se%ret of su%%ess is sin%erity: 0n%eyou %an fa<e that= you';e got it made:
odin's Law
enerali"edness of in%ompeten%e is dire%tly proportional to highestness in hierar%hy:
C5i%D old's Law
The %andidate who is eBpe%ted to do well be%ause of eBperien%e and reputation C(ouglas= /iBonD
must do 'ETTE3 than well= while the %andidate eBpe%ted to fare poorly CLin%oln= .ennedyD %an put
points on the media board simply by sur;i;ing:
C'illD old's Law
A %olumn about errors will %ontain errors:
old's Law
,f the shoe fits= it's ugly:
olden 1rin%iple
/othing will be attempted if all possible obEe%tions must first be o;er%ome:
The olden 3ule
+e who has the gold= ma<es the rules:
The olden 3ule of Arts and 4%ien%es
6hoe;er has the gold ma<es the rules:
oldstein's Law
,n Ameri%a= it's not how mu%h an item %osts= it's how mu%h you sa;e:
oldwyn's Law of Contra%ts
A ;erbal %ontra%t isn't worth the paper it's written on:
olub's Laws of Computerdom
1:*u""y proEe%t obEe%ti;es are used to a;oid the embarrassment of estimating the %orresponding
%osts:
>:A %arelessly planned proEe%t ta<es three times longer to %omplete than eBpe%tedA if %arefully
planned= it will ta<e only twi%e as long:
G:The effort re?uired to %orre%t %ourse in%reases geometri%ally with time:
H:1roEe%t teams detest wee<ly progress reporting be%ause it so ;i;idly manifests their la%< of
progress:
The 19 3ules for ood 3iting
1:Ea%h pronoun agrees with their ante%edent:
>:-ust between you and ,= %ase is important:
G:5erbs has to agree with their subEe%t:
H:6at%h out for irregular ;erbs whi%h has %ropped up into our language:
I:(on't use no double negati;es:
J:A writer mustn't shift your point of ;iew:
7:6hen dangling= don't use parti%iples:
K:-oin %lauses good li<e a %onEun%tion should:
9:And don't use %onEun%tions to start senten%es:
1L:(on't use a run@on senten%e you got to pun%tuate it:
11:About senten%e fragments:
1>:,n letters themes reports arti%les and stuff li<e that we use %ommas to <eep strings apart:
1G:(on't use %ommas= whi%h aren't ne%essary:
1H:,ts important to use apostrophe's right:
1I:(on't abbre;:
1J:Che%< to see if you any words out:
17:,n my opinion , thin< that the author when he is writing should not get into the habit of ma<ing use
of
too many unne%essary words whi%h he does not really need:
1K:Then= of %ourse= there's that old oneF /e;er use a preposition to end a senten%e with:
19:Last but not least= a;oid %li%hes li<e the plague:
oodfader's Law
$nder any system= a few sharpies will beat the rest of us:
oodin's Law of Con;ersions
The new hardware will brea< down as soon as the old is dis%onne%ted and out:
oodman's Law of 5alue
The more an item %osts= the farther you ha;e to send it for repairs:
ordon's (i%tum of (ire%tion i;ing
The possibility of getting lost is dire%tly proportional to the number of times the dire%tion@gi;er says
Myou %an't miss itM:
ordon's *irst Law
,f a resear%h proEe%t is not worth doing at all= it is not worth doing well:
oulden's ABiom of the 'oun%ing Can
,f you drop a full %an of beer= and remember to rap the top sharply with your <nu%<le prior to
opening=
the ensuing gush of foam will be between K9 and 9H per%ent of the ;olume that would splatter you if
you didn't do a damned thing and went ahead and pulled the top immediately:
oulden's Law of -ury 6at%hing
,f a Eury in a %riminal trial stays out for more than >H hours= it is %ertain to ;ote a%?uittal= sa;e in
those
instan%es when it ;otes guilty:
o;ernment's Law
There is an eB%eption to all laws:
rabel's Law
> is not e?ual to G @ not e;en for ;ery large ;alues of >:
raditor's Laws
1:,f it %an brea<= it will= but only after the warranty eBpires:
>:A ne%essary item goes on sale only after you ha;e pur%hased it at the regular pri%e:
randma 4oder?uist's Con%lusion
A %hi%<en doesn't stop s%rat%hing Eust be%ause the worms are s%ar%e:
ray's Law of 'ilateral Asymmetry in /etwor<s
,nformation flows effi%iently through organi"ations= eB%ept that bad news en%ounters high impedan%e
in flowing upward:
ray's Law of 1rogramming
/W1 tri;ial tas<s are eBpe%ted to be a%%omplished in the same time as / tri;ial tas<s:
Loggs 3ebuttal @ /W1 tri;ial tas<s ta<e twi%e as long as / tri;ial tas<s for / suffi%iently large:
3ule of the reat
6hen someone you greatly admire and respe%t appears to be thin<ing deep thoughts= they are
probably thin<ing about lun%h:
Law of The reat ,dea
The only time you %ome up with a great solution is after somebody else has sol;ed the problem:
reen's Law of (ebate
Anything is possible if you don't <now what you'retal<ing about:
reenberg's *irst Law of ,nfluen%e
$sefulness is in;ersely proportional to reputation for being useful:
reener's Law
/e;er argue with a man who buys in< by the barrel:
reenhaus's 4ummation
,'d gi;e my right arm to be ambideBtrous:
resham's Law
Tri;ial matters are handled promptlyA important matters are ne;er resol;ed:
reshams 0bser;ations
1:0n the theory that one should ne;er ta<e anything for granted= follow up on e;erything= but
espe%ially
those items ;arying from the norm:
>:The greater the di;ergen%e from normal routine andUor the greater the number of offi%es potentially
in;ol;ed= the better the %han%e a ne;er@to@be@dis%o;ered person will file the problem away in a
drawer spe%ifi%ally designed for items re?uiring a de%ision:
G:/e;er say without ?ualifi%ation that your a%ti;ity has suffi%ient spa%e= money= staff= et%:
H:Always distrust offi%es not under your Eurisdi%tion whi%h say that they are there to ser;e you:
M4upportM offi%es in a bureau%ra%y tend to grow in si"e and ma<e demands on you out of proportion
to their ser;i%e= and in the end re?uire more effort on your part than their ser;i%e is worth:
Corollary @ 4upport organi"ations %an always pro;e su%%ess by showing ser;i%e to someone::: not
ne%essarily you:
I:,n%ompetents often hire able assistants:
rierson's Law of Minimal 4elf@ (elusion
E;ery man nourishes within himself a se%ret plan for getting ri%h that will not wor<:
ro%ery 'ag Law
The %andy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the mar<et is hidden at the bottom of the
bag:
ros%h's Law
Computing power in%reases as the s?uare of the %ost: ,f you want to do it twi%e as %heaply= you
ha;e to do it four times slower:
ross's Law
6hen two people meet to de%ide how to spend a third person's money= fraud will result:
rossman's Law Crossman's Mis?uoteD
CompleB problems ha;e simple= easy to understand wrong answers:
rossman's Mis?uote
CompleB problems ha;e simple= easy to understand wrong answers:
ummidge's Law
The amount of eBpertise ;aries in in;erse proportion to the number of statements understood by the
general publi%:
umperson's Law
The probability of a gi;en e;ent o%%uring is in;ersely proportional to its desirability:
CorollariesF
1:After a salary raise= you will ha;e less money at the end of the month than you had before:
>:The more a re%ruit <nows about a gi;en subEe%t= the better %han%e he has of being assigned
to something else:
G:8ou %an throw a burnt mat%h out the window of your %ar and start a forest fire= but you %an use
two boBes of mat%hes and a whole edition of the 4unday paper without being able to start a
fire under the dry logs in your firepla%e:
H:Children ha;e more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep:
I:The person who buys the most raffle ti%<ets has the least %han%e of winning:
J:ood par<ing pla%es are always on the other side of the street:
umperson's 1roof
The most undesirable things are the most %ertain Cdeath and taBesD:
unter's *irst Law of Air Tra;el
6hen you are ser;ed a meal aboard an air%raft= the air%raft will en%ounter turbulen%e:
unter's 4e%ond Law of Air Tra;el
The strength of the turbulen%e is dire%tly proportional to the temperature of you %offee:
uthman's Law of Media
Thirty se%onds on the e;ening news is worth a front page headline in e;ery newspaper in the world:
+
+: L: Men%<en's Law
Those who %an @@ do:
Those who %annot @@ tea%h:
Those who %annot tea%h @@ administrate: CMartin's EBtensionD
+aberdasher's ,nstru%tion
Clothes ma<e the man: /a<ed people ha;e little or no influen%e on so%iety:
+a%<er's Law
The belief that enhan%ed understanding will ne%essarily stir a nation or an organi"ation to a%tion is
one of man<ind's oldest illusions:
+a%<er's Law of 1ersonnel
Anyone ha;ing super;isory responsibility for the %ompletion of a tas< will in;ariably protest that
more
resour%es are needed:
+agerty's Law
,f you lose your temper at a newspaper %olumnist= he'll get ri%h or famous or both:
+aldane's Law
The $ni;erse is not only ?ueerer than we imagine= it is ?ueerer than we CA/ imagine:
+ale's 3ule
The sumptuousnss of a %ompany's annual report is in in;erse proportion to its profitability that year:
+all's Law
There is a statisti%al %orrelation between the number of initials in an Englishman's name and his
so%ial %lass Cthe upper %lass ha;ing signifi%antly more than three names= while members of the
lower %lass a;erage >:JD:
+alpern's 0bser;ation
The tendan%y to err that programmers ha;e been noti%ed to share with other human beings has
often been treated as if it were an aw<wardness attendant upon programming's adoles%en%e= whi%h
Cli<e a%neD would disappear with the %raft's %oming of age: ,t has pro;ed otherwise:
+anlon's 3a"or
/e;er attribute to mali%e that whi%h is ade?uately eBplained by stupidity:
+ardin's Laws
E;ery time you %ome up with a terrifi% idea= you find that someone else thought of it first:
8ou %an ne;er do merely one thing:
+are's Additional Lie
This will hurt me more than it hurts you:
+arper's Law
8ou ne;er find anything until you repla%e it:
+arper's Maga"ine's Law
8ou ne;er find an arti%le until you repla%e it:
+arris's Lament
All the good ones are ta<en:
+arris's Law
Any philosophy that %an be put Min a nutshellM belongs there:
+arris's 3estaurant 1aradoB
0ne of the greatest unsol;ed riddles of restaurant eating is that the %ustomer usually gets faster
ser;i%e when the retaurant is %rowded than when it is half emptyA it seems that the less the staff has
to do= the slower they do it:
+arrison's 1ostulate
*or e;ery a%tion= there is an e?ual and opposite %riti%ism:
+art's Law
,n a %ountry as big as the $nited 4tates= you %an find fifty eBamples of anything:
+art's Law of The Conser;ation of *ilth
,n order for something to be%ome %lean= something else must be%ome dirty:
*reedman's EBtension
8ou %an get e;erything dirty without getting anything %lean:
+artig's M+ow ,s ood 0ld 'illRM (idn't you <now we're di;or%ed Law
,f there is a wrong thing to say= one will:
+artig's 4lee;e in the Cup= Thumb in the 'utter Law
6hen one is trying to be elegant and sophisti%ated= one won't:
+artley's *irst Law
The probability of someone wat%hing you is proportional to the stupidity of your a%tion:
+artley's 4e%ond Law
/e;er go to bed with anybody %ra"ier than you are:
+artley's Law
8ou %an lead a horse to water= but if you %an get him to float on his ba%< you';e got something:
+artman's Automoti;e Laws
1:/othing minor e;er happens to a %ar on the wee<end:
>:/othing minor e;er happens to a %ar on a trip:
G:/othing minor e;er happens to a %ar:
+ar;ard Law
$nder the most rigorously %ontrolled %onditions of pressure= temperature= ;olume= humidity= and
other ;ariables= any eBperimental organism will do as it damn well pleases:
+ar;ard's Law= as applied to Computers
$nder the most rigorously %ontrolled %onditions of pressure= temperature= ;olume= humidity and
other ;ariables= the %omputer will do as it damn well pleases:
+ar;er's Law
A drun<en man's words are a sober man's thoughts:
+aw<in's Theory of 1rogress
1rogress does not %onsist of repla%ing a theory that is wrong with one that is right: ,t %onsists of
repla%ing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong:
+earst's Law
/e;er argue with a man who buys in< by the barrel:
+ein's Law
1roblems worthy of atta%< pro;e their worth by hitting ba%<:
+eisenberg's Addendum to 'rownian 'ureau%ra%y
,f you obser;e a bureau%rat %losely enough to ma<e the distin%tion abo;e= he will rea%t to your
obser;ation by %o;ering his ass:
+eller's Myths of Management
The first myth of management is that it eBists: The se%ond myth of management is that su%%ess
e?uals s<ill:
Corollary C-ohnsonD @ /obody really <nows what is going on anywhere within your organi"ation:
+ellrung's Law
,f you wait= it will go away:
4he;elson's EBtension ::: ha;ing done its damage:
relb's Addition ::: if it was bad= it will be ba%<:
+endri%<son's Law
,f a problem %auses many meetings= the meetings e;entually be%ome more important than the
problem:
+erblo%<'s Law
,f it's good= they'll stop ma<ing it:
+erman's 0bser;ation
5ital papers will demonstrate their ;itality by mo;ing from where you left them to where you %an't
find
them:
+errnstein's Law
The total attention paid to an instru%tor is a %onstant regardless of the si"e of the %lass:
+ersh's Law
'io%hemistry eBpands to fill the spa%e and time a;ailable for its %ompletion and publi%ation:
Law of +iera%hi%al Communi%ations
The ine;itable result of impro;ed %ommuni%ations between different le;els in a hierar%hy is a ;astly
in%reased area of misunderstanding:
Law of +ighway 'iology
The first bug to hit your %lean windshield lands dire%tly in front of your eyes:
Law of +ighway Constru%tion
The most hea;ily tra;eled streets spend the most time under %onstru%tion:
+ildebrand's Law
The ?uality of a department is in;ersely proportional to the number of %ourses it lists in its %atalogue:
+ill's Commentaries on Murphy's Laws
1:,f we lose mu%h by ha;ing things go wrong= ta<e all possible %are:
>:,f we ha;e nothing to lose by %hange= relaB:
G:,f we ha;e e;erything to gain by %hange= relaB:
H:,f it doesn't matter= it does not matter:
+ind's Laws of Computer 1rogramming
1:The ;alue of a program is proportional to the weight of its output:
>:Any non@tri;ial program %ontains at least one bug:
G:$ndete%table errors are infinite in ;ariety= in %ontrast to dete%table errors= whi%h by definition are
limited:
H:Adding manpower to a late software proEe%t ma<es it later:
+istorian's 3ule
Any e;ent= on%e it has o%%urred= %an be made to appear ine;itable by a %ompetent historian:
*irst 3ule of +istory
+istory doesn't repeat itself @@ historians merely repeat ea%h other:
+oare's Law of Large 1rograms
,nside e;ery large program is a small program struggling to get out:
3hode's Corollary to +oare's Law
,nside e;ery %ompleB and unwor<able program is a useful routine struggling to be free:
+oare's Law of Larger 1roblems
,nside e;ery large problem is a small problem struggling to get out:
+ofstatler's Law
Things always ta<e twi%e as long as you anti%ipate= e;en if you ta<e into a%%ount +ofstatler's Law:
CThis %orollary is often ele;ated to the ran< of a law: 4in%e it is only a spe%ial %ase of Murphy's
Law= though= it pro;ides further Eustifi%ation for ele;ating Murphy's Law to a demi@law:D
+ogg's Law of 4tation 6agons
The amount of Eun< is in dire%t proportion to the amount of spa%e a;ailable:
'aggage Corollary @ ,f you go on a trip ta<ing two bags with you= one %ontaining e;erything you
need for the trip and the other %ontaining absolutely nothing= the se%ond bag will be %ompletely filled
with Eun< a%?uired on the trip when you ret
+olsworth's Laws
1:,f you %an only do one thing well there is no mar<et for it:
>:8ou %an ne;er do Eust one thing:
+olten's +omilies
1:The only time to be positi;e is when you are positi;e you are wrong:
>:The %hief %ause of problems is solutions:
G:The one who does the least wor<= will get the most %redit:
+orner's *i;e Thumb 1ostulate
EBperien%e ;aries dire%tly with e?uipment ruined:
+orngren's 0bser;ation Cgenerali"edD
The real world is a spe%ial %ase:
+orowit"'s 3ule
A %omputer ma<es as many mista<es in two se%onds as >L men wor<ing >L years:
+orti%ulturists Two Laws
1:rass growing from sidewal< %ra%<s ne;er turns brown:
>:The life eBpe%tan%y of a house plant ;aries in;ersely with its pri%e and dire%tly with it's ugliness:
+oward's *irst Law of Theater
$se it:
+owe's Law
E;ery man has a s%heme that will not wor<:
+ubbard's Law
(on't ta<e life too seriouslyA you won't get out of it ali;e:
+ull's Theorem
The %ombined pull of se;eral patrons is the sum of their separate pulls multiplied by the number of
patrons:
+ull's 6arning
/e;er insult an alligator until after you ha;e %rossed the ri;er:
+unter's Theory of 1ersonnel 3e%ruitment
*ar@away talent always seems better than home@de;eloped talent:
,
,'M 1ollyanna 1rin%iple C,'M'4 ,n%orre%t 1rin%ipleD
Ma%hines should wor<: 1eople should thin<:
,dea *ormula
0ne man's brain plus one other will produ%e about one half as many ideas as one man would ha;e
produ%ed alone: These two plus two more will produ%e half again as many ideas: These four plus
four more begin to represent a %reati;e meeting= and the ratio %hanges to one ?uarter as many:
The ,<e Tautology
Things are more li<e they are now than they ha;e e;er been before:
Corollary @ /ostalgia isn't what it used to be:
,les's Law
There is an easier way to do it:
CorollariesF
1:6hen loo<ing dire%tly at the easier way= espe%ially for long periods= you will not see it:
>:/either will ,les:
,mhoff's Law
The organi"ation of any bureau%ra%y is ;ery mu%h li<e a septi% tan< @@ the 3EALL8 big %hun<s
always rise to the top:
Law of ,nanimate Mobility
All inanimate obEe%ts %an mo;e Eust enough to get in your way
The ,nappli%able Law
6ashing your %ar to ma<e it rain doesn't wor<:
,ndeB of (e;elopment
The degree of a %ountry's de;elopment is measured by the ratio of the pri%e of an automobile to the
%ost of a hair%ut: The lower the ratio= the higher the degree of de;elopment:
Law of the ,ndi;idual
/obody really %ares or understands what anyone else is doing:
Law of ,nertia
6here there's a will= there's a won't:
Law of ,nside (ope
There are many inside dopes in politi%s and go;ernment:
Law of ,nstitutions
The opulen%e of the front offi%e de%or ;aries in;ersely with the fundamental sol;en%y of the firm:
Law of ,nsuran%e 3ates And TaBes
6hate;er goes up= stays up:
,ron Law of (istribution
Them what has @@ gets: 6a<efield's 3efutation of the ,ron Law of (istributionF
Them what gets @@ has:
,ssawi's Law of Aggression
At any gi;en moment= a so%iety %ontains a %ertain amount of a%%umulatedand a%%ruing
aggressi;eness: ,f more than >1 years elapse without this aggressi;eness being dire%ted outward=
in a popular war against other %ountries= it turns inward= in so%ial unrest= %i;il disturban%es= and
politi%al disruption:
,ssawi's Law of Consumption 1atterns
0ther people's patterns of eBpenditure and %onsumption are highly irrational and slightly immoral:
,ssawi's Law of Cyni%s
Cyni%s are right nine times out of tenA what undoes them is their belief that they are right ten times
out of ten:
,ssawi's Law of (ogmatism
6hen we %all others dogmati%= what we really obEe%t to is their holding dogmas that are different
from our own:
,ssawi's Law of Estimation of Error
EBperts in ad;an%ed %ountries underestimate by a fa%tor of > to H the ability of people in
underde;eloped %ountries to do anything te%hni%al:
,ssawi's Law of *rustration
0ne %annot ma<e an omelette without brea<ing eggs @@ but it is ama"ing how many eggs one %an
brea< without ma<ing a de%ent omelette:
,ssawi's Law of the Conser;ation of E;il
The total amount of e;il in any system remains %onstant: +en%e= any diminution in one dire%tion @@
for
instan%e= a redu%tion in po;erty or unemployment @@ is a%%ompanied by an in%rease in another= e:g:=
%rime or air pollution:
,ssawi's Law of the 4o%ial 4%ien%es
'y the time a so%ial s%ien%e theory is formulated in su%h a way that it %an be tested= %hanging
%ir%umstan%es ha;e already made it obsolete:
,ssawi's Laws of Committo@(ynami%s
1:Comitas %omitatum= omnia %omitas:
>:The less you enEoy ser;ing on %ommittees= the more li<ely you are to be pressed to do so:
,ssawi's Laws of 1rogress
The Course of 1rogressF Most things get steadily worse:
The 1ath of 1rogressF A short%ut is the longest distan%e between two points:
The (iale%ti%s of 1rogressF (ire%t a%tion produ%es dire%t rea%tion:
The 1a%e of 1rogressF 4o%iety is a mule= not a %ar::: ,f pressed too hard= it will <i%< and throw off its
rider:
,ssawi's 0bser;ation on the Consumption of 1aper
Ea%h system has its own way of %onsuming ;ast amounts of paperF in so%ialist so%ieties by filling
large forms in ?uadrupli%ate= in %apitalist so%ieties by putting up huge posters and wrapping e;ery
arti%le in four layers of %ardboard:
,talian 1ro;erb
4he who is silent %onsents:
-
-a%ob' Law
To err is human @@ to blame it on someone else is e;en more human:
-a%?uin's 1ostulate on (emo%rati% o;ernment
/o man's life= liberty= or property are safe while the legislature is in session:
-a<e's Law
Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart:
-aroslo;s<y's Law
The distan%e you ha;e to par< from your apartment in%reases in proportion to the weight of
pa%<ages you are %arrying:
-ay's Laws of Leadership
1:Changing things is %entral to leadership= and %hanging them before anyone else is %reati;ity:
>:To build something that endures= it is of the greatest important to ha;e a long tenure in offi%e @@ to
rule for many years: 8ou %an a%hie;e a ?ui%< su%%ess in a year or two= but nearly all of the great
ty%oons ha;e %ontinued their building mu%h longer:
-en<inson's Law
,t won't wor<:
-inny's Law
There is no su%h thing as a short beer: CAs in= M,'m going to stop off at -oe's for a short beer before
on the way home:MD
-ohn Cameron's Law
/o matter how many times you';e had it= if it's offered= ta<e it= be%ause it'll ne;er be ?uite the same
again:
-ohn's ABiom
6hen your opponent is down= <i%< him:
-ohn's Collateral Corollary
,n order to get a loan you must first pro;e you don't need it:
-ohns Laws of 1roblems
1:,nside e;ery large problem is a small problem struggling to get out:
>:Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of:
G:$rgen%y ;aries in;ersely with importan%e:
-ohnson's *irst Law
6hen any me%hani%al %ontri;an%e fails= it will do so at the most in%on;enient possible time:
-ohnson's *irst Law of Auto 3epair
Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the %ar to the ;ehi%le's eBa%t
geographi% %enter:
-ohnson's Law
The number of minor illnesses among the employees is in;ersely proportional to the health of the
organi"ation:
-ohnson's Laws
1:6hen any me%hani%al %ontri;an%e fails= it will do so at the most in%on;enient time:
>:,f= in the %ourse of se;eral months= only three worthwhile so%ial e;ents ta<e pla%e= they will all fall
on
the same e;ening:
G:,f you miss one issue of any maga"ine= it will be the issue %ontaining the arti%le= story= or installment
you were most anBious to read:
Corollary @ All of your friends either missed it= lost it= or threw it out:
-ohnson's 4e%ond Law
,f= in the %ourse of se;eral months= only three worthwhile so%ial e;ents ta<e pla%e= they will all fall
on
the same e;ening:
-ohnson's Third Law
,f you miss one issue of any maga"ine= it will be the issue that %ontains the arti%le= story or
installment you were most anBious to read:
-ohnson@Laird's Law
Tootha%he tends to start on 4aturday night:
-ones' Law C/iBon's LawD
The man who %an smile when things go wrong @@ has thought of someone he %an blame it on:
-ones' Motto
*riends may %ome and go= but enemies a%%umulate:
M%Claughry's Codi%il on -ones's MottoF To ma<e an enemy= do someone a fa;or:
-ones's 1rin%iple
/eeds are a fun%tion of what other people ha;e:
-oslyn's Law of Conferen%es
The most interesting paper will be presented at the same time as the se%ond most interesting
paper:
-ournalisti% 1rin%iple
,f a headline ends in a ?uestion mar<= the answer is no:
-uhani's Law
The %ompromise will always be more eBpensi;e than either of the suggestions it's %ompromising:
-ulia's Law of .it%hen of Confusion
0n%e a dish is fouled up= anything added to sa;e it will only ma<e it worse:
-ulian's Law
,f it says Mone si"e fits all=M it doesn't fit anyone:
.
.af<a's Law
,n the fight between you and the world= ba%< the world:
.amin's Laws C'anin's LawsD
1:All %urren%ies will de%rease in ;alue and pur%hasing power o;er the long term= unless they are freely
and fully %on;ertable into gold and that gold is traded freely without restri%tions of any <ind:
>:Threat of %apital %ontrols a%%elerates marginal %apital outflows:
G:Combined total taBation from all le;els of go;ernment will always in%rease Cuntil the go;ernment is
repla%ed by war or re;olutionD:
H:o;ernment inflation is always worse than statisti%s indi%ateF %entral ban<ers are biased toward
inflation when the money unit is non@%on;ertible= and without gold or sil;er ba%<ing:
I:1ur%hasing power of %urren%y is always lost far more rapidly than e;er regained: CThose who eBpe%t
e;en flu%tuations in both dire%tions play a losing game:D
J:6hen attempting to predi%t and fore%ast ma%ro@e%onomi% mo;es or e%onomi% legislation by a
politi%ian= ne;er be misled by what he saysA instead wat%h what he does:
7:1oliti%ians will always inflate when gi;en the opportunity:
.amin's Laws of e%onomi%s
1:All %urren%ies will de%rease in ;alue and pur%hasing power o;er the long term= unless they are freely
and fully %on;ertible into gold and that gold is traded freely without restri%tions of any <ind:
>:Threat of %apital %ontrols a%%elerates marginal %apital outflows:
G:Combined total taBation from all le;els of go;ernment will always in%rease Cuntil the go;ernment is
repla%ed by war or re;olutionD:
H:o;ernment inflation is always worse than statisti%s indi%ateF %entral ban<ers are biased toward
inflation when the money unit is non@%on;ertible= and without gold or sil;er ba%<ing:
I:1ur%hasing power of %urren%y is always lost far more rapidly than e;er regained: CThose who eBpe%t
e;en flu%tuations in both dire%tions play a losing game:D
.aplan's Law of the ,nstrument
i;e a small boy a hammer and he will find that e;erything he en%ounters needs pounding:
.at"'s Law
Men= women and nations will a%t rationally when all other possibilities ha;e been eBhausted:
.at"'s MaBims
1:6here are the %al%ulations that go with the %al%ulated ris<R
>:,n;enting is easy for staff outfits: 4tating a problem is mu%h harder: ,nstead of stating problems=
people li<e to pass out half@ a%%urate statements together with half@a;ailable solutions whi%h they
%an't finish and whi%h they want you to finish:
G:E;ery organi"ation is self@perpetuating: (on't e;er as< an outfit to Eustify itself= or you'll be %o;ered
with fa%ts= figures= and fan%y: The %riterion should rather be= M6hat will happen if the outfit stops
doing what it's doingRM The ;alue of an organi"ation is more easily determined this way:
H:Try to find out who's doing the wor<= not who's writing about it= %ontrolling it= or summari"ing it:
I:6at%h out for formal briefingsA they often produ%e an a;alan%he Ca high@le;el snow Eob of massi;e
and o;erwhelming proportionsD:
J:The diffi%ulty of the %oordination tas< often blinds one to the fa%t that a fully %oordinated pie%e of
paper is not supposed to be either the maEor or the final produ%t of the organi"ation= but it often turns
out that way:
7:Most organi"ations %an't hold more than one idea at a time: Thus %omplementary ideas are always
regarded as %ompeteti;e: *urther= li<e a ?uanti"ed pendulum= an organi"ation %an Eump from one
eBtreme to the other= without e;er going through the middle:
K:Try to find the real tense of the report you are readingF 6as it done= is it being done= or is it
something to be doneR 3eports are now written in four tensesF past tense= present tense= future
tense= and pretense: 6at%h for no;el uses of M%ontra%tor grammarM= defined by the imperfe%t past=
the insuffi%ient present= and the absolutely perfe%t future:
.ei<o's Law of olf
The only way to a;oid hitting a tree is to aim at it:
.elley's Law
Last guys don't finish ni%e:
.elly's Law
An eBe%uti;e will always return to wor< from lun%h early if no one ta<es him:
.ennedy's Law
EB%essi;e offi%ial restraints on information are ine;itably self@defeating and produ%ti;e of
heada%hes for the offi%ials %on%erned:
.ensington's Law of 4hoema<ing
/o matter how long it ta<es for you to get ba%< to pi%< up the shoes the shoema<er will tell you that
they won't be ready until tomorrow:
.ensington's 0bser;ation
The two most %ommon elements in the uni;erse are hydrogen and stupidity:
.ent's Law
The only way a reporter should loo< at a politi%ian is down:
.err@Martin Law
1:,n dealing with their 06/ problems= fa%ulty members are the most eBtreme %onser;ati;es:
>:,n dealing with 0T+E3 people's problems= they are the world's most eBtreme liberals:
.ettering's Laws
1:,f you want to <ill any idea in the world today= get a %ommittee wor<ing on it:
>:,f you ha;e always done it that way= it is probably wrong:
.ey to 4tatus
4 X (U.: 4 is the status of a person in an organi"ation= ( is the number of doors he must open to
perform his Eob= and . is the number of <eys he %arries: A higher number denotes higher status:
Thus the Eanitor needs to open >L doors and has >L <eys C4 X 1D= a se%retary has to open two doors
with one <ey C4 X >D= but the president ne;er has to %arry any <eys sin%e there is always someone
around to open doors for him Cwith . X L and a high (= his 4 rea%hes infinityD:
.eyes 3ules of Mis?uotation
ABiom 1: Any ?uotation that %an be altered will be:
Corollary 1AF 5i;id words hoo< mis?uotes in the mind:
Corollary 1'F /umbers are hard to <eep straight:
Corollary 1CF 4mall %hanges %an ha;e a big impa%t CorF what a differen%e an a ma<esD:
Corollary 1(F ,f noted figures don't say what needs to be said= we'll say it for them:
Corollary 1EF -ournalists are a less than dependable sour%e of a%%urate ?uotes:
Corollary 1*F *amous dead people ma<e eB%ellent %ommentators on %urrent e;ents:
ABiom >: *amous ?uotes need famous mouths:
Corollary >AF 6ell@<nown messengers get %redit for %le;er %omments they report from less
%elebrated mouths:
Corollary >'F 1arti%ularly ?uotable figures re%ei;e more than their share of ?uotable ?uotes:
Corollary >CF Comments made about someone might as well ha;e been said by that person:
Corollary >(F 6ho you thin< said something may depend on where you li;e:
Corollary >EF 5intage ?uotes are %onsidered to be in the publi% domain:
Corollary >*F ,n a pin%h= any orphan ?uote %an be %alled a Chinese pro;erb:
.haras%h's ,nstitutional ,mperati;e
E;ery a%tion or de%ision of an institution must be intended to <eep the institution ma%hinery wor<ing:
Corollary @ The eBpert Eudgment of an institution= when the matter in;ol;ed %on%erns %ontinuation of
the institution's operations= is totally predi%table= and hen%e the finding is totally worthless:
.ibit"er's Constant
6hen you %an't dis%o;er the %ause of a brea<down= all of the free ad;i%e you get will be for things
you';e already %he%<ed:
.ir<land's Law
The usefulness of any meeting is in in;erse proportion to the attendan%e:
.itman's Law
0n the T5 s%reen= pure dri;el tends to dri;e off ordinary dri;el:
.lipstein's Lament
All warranty and guarantee %lauses are ;oided by payment of the in;oi%e:
.lipstein's Law
Toleran%es will a%%umulate unidire%tionally toward maBimum diffi%ulty of assembly:
.lipstein's Law of 4pe%ifi%ations
,n spe%ifi%ations= Murphy's Law supersedes 0hm's:
.lipstein's Laws
Applied to eneral EngineeringF
1:A patent appli%ation will be pre%eded by one wee< by a similar appli%ation made by an
independent wor<er:
>:*irmness of deli;ery dates is in;ersely proportional to the tightness of the s%hedule:
G:(imensions will always be eBpressed in the least usable term: 5elo%ity= for eBample= will be
eBpressed in furlongs per fortnight:
H:Any wire %ut to length will be too short:
Applied to 1rototyping and 1rodu%tionF
1:Toleran%es will a%%umulate unidire%tionally toward maBimum diffi%ulty to assemble:
>:,f a proEe%t re?uires n %omponents= there will be n@1 units in sto%<:
G:A motor will rotate in the wrong dire%tion:
H:A failsafe %ir%uit will destroy others:
I:A transistor prote%ted by a fast@a%ting fuse will prote%t the fuse by blowing first:
J:A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspe%tion:
7:A pur%hased %omponent or instrument will meet its spe%s long enough= and only long enough=
to pass in%oming inspe%tion:
K:After the last of 1J mounting s%rews has been remo;ed from an a%%ess %o;er= it will be
dis%o;ered that the wrong a%%ess %o;er has been remo;ed:
9:After an a%%ess %o;er has been se%ured by 1J hold@down s%rews= it will be dis%o;ered that
the gas<et has been omitted:
1L:After an instrument has been assembled= eBtra %omponents will be found on the ben%h:
.lipstein's 0bser;ation
Any produ%t %ut to length will be too short:
.night's Law
Life is what happens to you while you are ma<ing other plans:
.noll's Law of Media A%%ura%y
E;erything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true eB%ept for that rare story of whi%h you
happen to ha;e firsthand <nowledge:
.nowles's Law of Legislati;e (eliberation
The length of debate ;aries in;ersely with the %ompleBity of the issue:
CorollaryF 6hen the issue is tri;ial= and e;eryone understands it= debate is almost interminable:
.ohn's 4e%ond Law
Any eBperiment is reprodu%ible until another laboratory tries to repeat it:
.onrads 0bser;ations on Capitalism
1:There is no su%h thing as a Mdirty %apitalistM= only a %apitalist:
>:Capitalism %an eBist in one of only two states @@ welfare or warfare: Anything is possible= but
nothing
is easy:
.oppett's Law
6hate;er %reates the greatest in%on;enien%e for the largest number must happen:
.orman's %on%lusion
The trouble with resisting temptation is it may ne;er %ome your way again:
.o;a%'s Conundrum
6hen you dial a wrong number= you ne;er get a busy siginal:
.ristol's Law
'eing frustrated is disagreeable= but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want:
.rueger's 0bser;ation
A taBpayer is someone who does not ha;e to ta<e a %i;il ser;i%e eBam in order to wor< for the
go;ernment:
L
La 3o%hefou%auld's Law
,t is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be de%ei;ed by them:
Labor Law
A disagreeable law is its own reward:
*irst Law of Laboratory 6or<
+ot glass loo<s eBa%tly the same as %old glass:
LaCombe's 3ule of 1er%entages
The in%iden%e of anything worthwhile is either 1I@>I per%ent or KL@9L per%ent:
Corollary C(udenhoeferD @ An answer of IL per%ent will suffi%e for the HL@JL range:
Lafayette's 3eprisal
The s?uea<y wheel gets repla%ed:
Laird's Law
Tootha%he tends to start on 4aturday night:
Lamb's law of %ar pur%hasing
,f you buy your first new %ar in fifteen years= neBt years they will introdu%e a new model with twenty
se;en new features ne;er seen on a %ar before and the introdu%tory pri%e of the %ar will be ele;en
hundred dollars less than you paid for yours:
Landlord's (ilemmas
1:The hot water heater pump that fails will only do so after IFLL 1:M: on *riday e;ening when e;ery
tenant in the building is ha;ing a dinner party:
>:The neBt day = the only supplier in town that sto%<s parts for the pump tells you that the widget
needed to fiB it is in a warehouse in Cle;eland and the warehousemen there ha;e been on stri<e for
se;enteen wee<s:
G:8ou are for%ed to buy a se%ond rate heater and pump #sold only as a pa%<age) for siB hundred and
fifty dollars= and ha;e it installed by a plumber at double time rates on 4unday morning:
H:0n Monday at 9FLLFA:M: the stri<e is settled:
I:0n Monday at 9F1IFA:M: the hardware store owner %alls and says he has found a boB %ontaining
thirty se;en widgets on a shelf in his ba%< room and he will sell one to you at the old pri%e of ten
%ents:
Langin's Law
,f things were left to %han%e= they'd be better
Langsam's 4e%ond Law
E;erything depends:
Lani's 1rin%iples of E%onomi%s
1:TaBes are not le;ied for the benefit of the taBed:
>:S1LL pla%ed at 7P interest %ompounded ?uarterly for >LL years will in%rease to more than
S1LL=LLL=LLL by whi%h time it will be worth nothing:
G:,n od we trustA all others pay %ash:
Lar<inson's Law
All laws are basi%ally false:
Larrimer's Constant
6hat this world needs is a damned good plague:
Larsen's 0bser;ations
1:As<ing dumb ?uestions: ,s easier than %orre%ting dumb mista<es:
>:+e who hesitates is probably right:
G:6hen all else fails try the boss's suggestions:
Las 5egas's ABioms
1:,t is morally wrong to allow su%<ers to <eep their money
>:A 4mith and 6esson beats a royal flush:
The Last Law
,f se;eral things that %ould ha;e gone wrong did not go wrong= it would ultimately ha;e been better if
they had gone wrong:
de la Lastra's Law
After the last of 1J mounting s%rews has been remo;ed from an a%%ess %o;er= it will be dis%o;ered
that the wrong a%%ess %o;er has been remo;ed:
de la Lastra's Corollary
After an a%%ess %o;er has been se%ured by 1J hold@down s%rews= it will be dis%o;ered that the
gas<et has been omitted:
Law of Late@Comer
Those who ha;e the shortest distan%e to tra;el in;ariably arri;e latest:
Law of Late@Comers
Those who ha;e the shortest distan%e to tra;el in;ariably arri;e latest:
Laura's Law
/o %hild throws up in the bathroom:
Law of Lawma<ing
Those who eBpress random thoughts to legislati;e %ommittees are often surprised and appalled to
find themsel;es the instigators of law:
Laws of Applied Confusion
1:The one pie%e that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 7IP of the balan%e of the
shipment:
Corollary @ /ot only did the plant forget to ship it= ILP of the time they ha;en't e;en made it:
>:Tru%< deli;eries that normally ta<e one day will ta<e fi;e when you are waiting for the tru%<:
G:After adding two wee<s to the s%hedule for uneBpe%ted delays= add two more for the uneBpe%ted=
uneBpe%ted delays:
H:,n any stru%ture= pi%< out the one pie%e that should not be mismar<ed and eBpe%t the plant to %ross
you up:
CorollariesF
1:,n any group of pie%es with the same ere%tion mar< on it= one should not ha;e that mar< on it:
>:,t will not be dis%o;ered until you try to put it where the mar< says it's supposed to go:
G:/e;er argue with the fabri%ating plant about an error: The inspe%tion prints are all %he%<ed off= e;en
to the holes that aren't there:
Laws of Computability as Applied to 4o%ial 4%ien%e
1:Any system or program= howe;er %ompli%ated= if loo<ed at in eBa%tly the right way= will be%ome
e;en
more %ompli%ated:
>:,f at first you don't su%%eed= transform your data set:
Laws of (ormitory Life
1:The amount of trash a%%umulated within the spa%e o%%upied is eBponentially proportional to the
number of li;ing bodies that enter and lea;e within any gi;en amount of time:
>:4in%e no matter %an be %reated or destroyed CeB%luding nu%lear and %afeteria substan%esD= as one
attempts to remo;e unwanted material Ci:e:= trashD from one's li;ing spa%e= the remaining material
mutates so as to o%%upy GL to IL per%ent more than its original ;olume:
Corollary @ (ust breeds:
G:The odds are JFI that if one has late %lasses= one's roommate will ha;e the EA3L,E4T possible
%lasses:
Corollary 1F 0ne's roommate Cwho has early %lassesD has an alarm %lo%< that is louder than od's
own:
Corollary >F 6hen one has an early %lass= one's roommate will in;ariably enter the spa%e late at
night and suddenly be%ome hypera%ti;e= ill= ;iolent= or all three:
Laws of *ashion and *ads
1:,nde%ent 1L years before its time=
>:(aring 1 year before its time=
G:Chi% in its time=
H:(owdy G years after its time=
I:+ideous >L years after its time=
J:Amusing GL years after its time=
7:3omanti% 1LL years after its time=
K:'eautiful 1IL years after its time:
Laws of ardening
1:0ther people's tools wor< only in other people's yards:
>:*an%y gi"mos don't wor<:
G:,f nobody uses it= there's a reason:
H:8ou get the most of what you need the least:
Laws of o;ernment
1:,f anything %an go wrong= it will do so= in tripli%ate:
>:Things go right so they %an go wrong:
G:Men and nations will a%t responsibly when all other possibilities ha;e been eBhausted:
H:Life liberty or property are not safe while the legislature is in session:
Laws of ,nstitutional *ood
1:E;erything is %old eB%ept what should be:
>:E;erything= in%luding the %orn fla<es= is greasy:
Laws of 1ro%rastination
1:1ro%rastination shortens the Eob and pla%es the responsibility for its termination on someone else
Cthe authority who imposed the deadlineD:
>:,t redu%es anBiety by redu%ing the eBpe%ted ?uality of the proEe%t from the best of all possible efforts
to the best that %an be eBpe%ted gi;en the limited time:
G:4tatus is gained in the eyes of others= and in one's own eyes= be%ause it is assumed that the
importan%e of the wor< Eustifies the stress:
H:A;oidan%e of interruptions in%luding the assignment of other duties %an be a%hie;ed= so that the
ob;iously stressed wor<er %an %on%entrate on the single effort:
I:1ro%rastination a;oids boredomA one ne;er has the feeling that there is nothing important to do:
J:,t may eliminate the Eob if the need passes before the Eob %an be done:
Laws of 3e;ision
1:The more inno%uous the modifi%ation appears to be= the further its influen%e will eBtend and the
more plans will ha;e to be redrawn:
>:,f= when %ompletion of a design is imminent= field dimensions are finally supplied as they a%tually
are= instead of as they were meant to be= it will be easier to start all o;er:
G:After painsta<ing and %areful analysis of a sample= you are always told that it is the wrong sample
and doesn't apply to the problem:
Corollary @ ,t is usually impra%ti%al to worry beforehand about interferen%es @@ if you ha;e none=
someone will ma<e one for you:
Laws of 4erendipity
1:,n order to dis%o;er anything you must be loo<ing for something:
>:,f you wish to ma<e an impro;ed produ%t= you must already be engaged in ma<ing an inferior one:
Laws of Telephone (ynami%s
1:The phone %all you';e been waiting for %omes the minute you %lose and lo%< the door and start
wal<ing downstairs or when you ha;e Eust %omfortably immersed your entire body in a tub full of
water:
>:6home;er you %all will always ha;e Eust left for the day= one minute ago:
G:8ou ne;er get a busy signal when you dial a wrong number :
Laws of the *risbee
1:The most powerful for%e in the world is that of a dis% straining to land under a %ar= Eust beyond
rea%h:
CThe te%hni%al term for this for%e is M%ar su%<M:D
>:The higher the ?uality of a %at%h or the %omment it re%ei;es= the greater the probability of a %rummy
return throw: CMood %at%h: : : 'ad throw:MD
G:0ne must ne;er pre%ede any maneu;er by a %omment more predi%ti;e than= M6at%h thisYM C.eep
'em guessing:D
H:The higher the %osts of hitting any obEe%t= the greater the %ertainty it will be stru%<: C3ememberF The
dis< is positi;eA %ops and old ladies are %learly negati;e:D
I:The best %at%hes are ne;er seen: CM(id you see thatRM M4ee whatRMD
J:The greatest single aid to distan%e is for the dis% to be going in a dire%tion you did not want: C6rong
way X long way:D
7:The most powerful heB words in the sport areF M, really ha;e this down @@ wat%h:M C.now itR 'low
itYD
K:,n any %rowd of spe%tators at least one will suggest that ra"or blades %ould be atta%hed to the dis%:
CM8ou %ould maim and <ill with that thing:MD
9:The greater your need to ma<e a good %at%h= the greater the probability your partner will deli;er his
worst throw: C,f you %an't tou%h it= you %an't tri%< it:D
1L:The single most diffi%ult mo;e with a dis% is to put it down: CM-ust one moreYMD
Laws of $nderstanding
1:Life %an only be understood ba%<wards= but it must be li;ed forwards:
>:/o matter what goes wrong= there is always somebody who <new it would:
Lawson's 1aradoB
The a;erage woman would rather be beautiful than smart be%ause the a;erage man sees better
than he thin<s:
Lawyer's 3ule
6hen the law is against you= argue the fa%ts: 6hen the fa%ts are against you= argue the law: 6hen
both are against you= %all the other lawyer names:
Le Chatelier's Law
,f some stress is brought to bear on a system in e?uilibrium= the e?uilibrium is displa%ed in the
dire%tion whi%h tends to undo the effe%t of the stress:
Le 1elley's Law
The bigger the man= the less li<ely he is to obEe%t to %ari%ature:
Leahy's Law
,f a thing is done wrong often enough= it be%omes right:
Corollary @ 5olume is a defense to error:
Lee's ABioms
1:/o boo<s are lost by lending eB%ept those you parti%ularly wanted to <eep:
>:The boo< you buy today for S17:9I will %ome out tomorrow in paperba%<:
Lefty ome"'s 1rin%iple of 1rodu%ti;e 1ro%rastination
They %an't hit it while ,'m standing here holding it:
Lenin's Law
6hene;er the %ause of the people is entrusted to professors= it is lost:
Les Miserables Metalaw
All laws= whether good= bad= or indifferent= must be obeyed to the letter:
Le;y's Eighth Law
/o amount of genius %an o;er%ome a preo%%upation with detail:
Le;y's Laws of 3esear%h
1:To steal ideas from one person is plagiarismA to steal from many is resear%h:
>:/obody noti%es the big flaw in your resear%h until a reporter for the most respe%ted professional
Eournal in your field arri;es to inter;iew you:
Le;y's Laws of the (isillusionment of the True Liberal
1:Large numbers of things are determined= and therefore not subEe%t to %hange:
>:Anti%ipated e;ents ne;er li;e up to eBpe%tations:
G:That segment of the %ommunity with whi%h one has the greatest sympathy as a liberal ine;itably
turns out to be one of the most narrow@minded and bigoted segments of the %ommunity:
H:Always pray that your opposition be wi%<ed: ,n wi%<edness there is a strong strain toward
rationality:
Therefore there is always the possibility= in theory= of handling the wi%<ed by outthin<ing them:
Le;y's Ten Laws of the (isillusionment of the True Liberal
1:Large numbers of things are determined= and therefore not subEe%t to %hange:
>:Anti%ipated e;ents ne;er li;e up to eBpe%tations:
G:That segment of the %ommunity with whi%h one has the greatest sympathy as a liberal ine;itably
turns out to be one of the most narrow@minded and bigoted segments of the %ommunity:
H:Always pray that your opposition be wi%<ed: ,n wi%<edness there is a strong strain toward
rationality:
Therefore there is always the possibility= in theory= of handling the wi%<ed by outthin<ing them:
Corollary 1F ood intentions randomi"e beha;ior:
Corollary >F ood intentions are far more diffi%ult to %ope with than mali%ious intent:
Corollary GF ,f good intentions are %ombined with stupidity= it is impossible to outthin< them:
Corollary HF Any dis%o;ery is more li<ely to be eBploited by the wi%<ed than applied by the ;irtuous:
I:,n unanimity there is %owardi%e and un%riti%al thin<ing:
J:To ha;e a sense of humor is to be a tragi% figure:
7:To <now thyself is the ultimate form of aggression:
K:/o amount of genius %an o;er%ome a preo%%upation with detail:
9:0nly od %an ma<e a random sele%tion:
1L:Eternal boredom is the pri%e of %onstant ;igilan%e:
Lewis's Laws
1:1eople will buy anything that's one to a %ustomer:
>:/o matter how long or how hard you shop for an item= after you';e bought it it will be on sale
somewhere %heaper:
Law of Libraries
/o matter whi%h boo< you need= it's on the bottom shelf:
Law of The Lie
/o matter how often the lie is shown to be false= there will still remain a per%entage of people who
belie;e it to be true:
Liebermann's Law
E;erybody liesA but it doesn't matter sin%e nobody listens:
Liebling's Law
,f you Eust try long enough and hard enough= you %an always manage to boot yourself in the
posterior:
Lilly's Megalaw
All laws are simulations of reality:
Lilly's Metalaw
All laws are simulations of reality:
Law of li;ing
As soon as you're doing what you wanted to be doing= you want to be doing something else:
Lloyd@-ones's Law of Lefto;ers
The amount of litter on the street is proportional to the lo%al rate of unemployment:
Law of Lo%al Anesthesia
/e;er say MoopsM in the operating room:
Lo%<smith's (ilemma
The probability of ha;ing someone %lose the safe and spin the dial while you ha;e the ba%< of the
lo%< off will ;ary dire%tly with the s?uare of the number of people you tell not to tou%h the safe while
you get something out of the tru%<:
Loehmann on Loss
1:,f we lose mu%h by ha;ing things go wrong= ta<e all possible %are:
>:,f we ha;e nothing to lose by %hange= relaB:
G:,f we ha;e e;erything to gain by %hange= relaB:
H:,f it doesn't matter= it does not matter:
Loman's law of produ%t design
,f you %an't fiB it= feature it:
Long's /otes
1:Always store beer in a dar< pla%e:
>:Certainly the game is rigged: (on't let that stop youA if you don't bet= you %an't win:
G:Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until pro;ed inno%ent:
H:Always listen to eBperts: They'll tell you what %an't be done= and why: Then do it:
I:,f it %an't be eBpressed in figures= it is not s%ien%eA it is opinion:
J:,t has long been <nown that one horse %an run faster than another @@ but whi%h oneR (ifferen%es are
%ru%ial:
7:A fa<e fortuneteller %an be tolerated: 'ut an authenti% soothsayer should be shot on sight:
Cassandra did not get half the <i%<ing around she deser;ed:
K:(elusions are often fun%tional: A mother's opinions about her %hildren's beauty= intelligen%e=
goodness= et %etera ad nauseam= <eep her from drowning them at birth:
9:A generation whi%h ignores history has no past @@ and no future:
1L:A poet who reads his ;erse in publi% may ha;e other nasty habits:
11:4mall %hange %an often be found under seat %ushions:
1>:+istory does not re%ord anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis: 3eligion is a
%rut%h for people not strong enough to stand up to the un<nown without help: 'ut= li<e dandruff=
most
people do ha;e a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to deri;e %onsiderable
pleasure from fiddling with it:
1G:,t's ama"ing how mu%h Mmature wisdomM resembles being too tired:
1H:0f all the strange M%rimesM that human beings ha;e legislated out of nothing= MblasphemyM is the
most ama"ing @@ with Mobs%enityM and Minde%ent eBposureM fighting it out for se%ond and third pla%e:
1I:,t's better to %opulate than ne;er:
1J:E;erything in eB%essY To enEoy the fla;or of life= ta<e big bites: Moderation is for mon<s:
17:,t may be better to be a li;e Ea%<al than a dead lion= but it is better still to be a li;e lion: And usually
easier:
1K:/e;er appeal to a man's Mbetter natureM: +e may not ha;e one: ,n;o<ing his self@interest gi;es you
more le;erage:
19:Little girls= li<e butterflies= need no eB%use:
>L:A;oid ma<ing irre;o%able de%isions while tired or hungry:
>1:An elephantF A mouse built to go;ernment spe%ifi%ations:
>>:A "ygote is a gamete's way of produ%ing more gametes: This may be the purpose of the uni;erse:
>G:4tupidity %annot be %ured with money= or through edu%ation= or by legislation: 4tupidity is not a sinA
the ;i%tim %an't help being stupid: 'ut stupidity is the only uni;ersal %apital %rimeA the senten%e is
death= there is no appeal= and eBe%ution is %arried out automati%ally and without pity:
>H:od is omnipotent= omnis%ient= and omnibene;olent: ,t says so right here on the label: ,f you ha;e a
mind %apable of belie;ing all three of these di;ine attributes simultaneously= , ha;e a wonderful
bargain for you: /o %he%<s= please: Cash and in small bills:
>I:'eware of altruism: ,t is based on self@de%eption= the root of all e;il:
>J:The most preposterous notion that +: sapiens has e;er dreamed up is that the Lord od of
Creation= 4haper and 3uler of all the $ni;erse= wants the sa%%harine adoration of +is %reatures= %an
be swayed by their prayers= and be%omes petulant if +e does not re%ei;e this flattery: 8et this
absurd fantasy= without a shred of e;iden%e to bolster it= pays all the eBpenses of the oldest= largest=
and least produ%ti;e industry in all history:
>7:The se%ond most preposterous notion is that %opulation is inherently sinful:
>K:E;erybody lies about seB:
>9:3ub her feet:
GL:/e;er underestimate the power of human stupidity:
G1:Always tell her she is beautiful= espe%ially if she is not:
G>:,n a family argument= if it turns out you are right= apologi"e at on%e:
GG:To stay young re?uires un%easing %ulti;ation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods:
GH:(oes history re%ord any %ase in whi%h the maEority was rightR
GI:4e%re%y is the beginning of tyranny:
GJ:The greatest produ%ti;e for%e is human selfishness:
G7:'e wary of strong drin<: ,t %an ma<e you shoot at taB %olle%tors @@ and miss:
GK:EBpertise in one field does not %arry o;er into other fields: 'ut eBperts often thin< so: The narrower
their field of <nowledge the more li<ely they are to thin< so:
G9:/e;er try to outstubborn a %at:
HL:Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills:
H1:8ield to temptationA it may not pass your way again:
H>:6a<ing a person unne%essarily should not be %onsidered a %apital %rime: *or a first offense= that is:
HG:The %orre%t way to pun%tuate a senten%e that startsF M0f %ourse it's none of my business= but::: M is to
pla%e a period after the word MbutM: (on't use eB%essi;e for%e in supplying su%h a moron with a
period: Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you tal<ed about:
HH:A s<un< is better %ompany than a person who prides himself on being Mfran<M:
HI:/atural laws ha;e no pity:
HJ:8ou %an go wrong by being too s<epti%al as readily as by being too trusting:
H7:Anything free is worth what you pay for it:
HK:Climate is what we eBpe%tA weather is what we get:
H9:1essimist by poli%y= optimist by temperament @@ it is possible to be both: +owR 'y ne;er ta<ing an
unne%essary %han%e and by minimi"ing ris<s you %an't a;oid: This permits you to play out the game
happily= untroubled by the %ertainty of the out%ome:
IL:M, %ame= , saw= 4+E %on?uered:M CThe original Latin seems to ha;e been garbled:D
I1:A %ommittee is a life form with siB or more legs and no brain:
I>:(on't try to ha;e the last word: 8ou might get it:
C*Dlaw of Long@3ange 1lanning
The longer ahead you plan a spe%ial e;ent= and the more spe%ial it is= the more li<ely it is to go
wrong:
Lord *al<land's 3ule
6hen it is not ne%essary to ma<e a de%ision= it is ne%essary not to ma<e a de%ision:
Los Angeles (odgers Law
6ait till last year:
Law of the Lost ,n%h
,n designing any type of %onstru%tion= no o;erall dimension %an be totalled %orre%tly after HFHL p:m:
on *riday:
CorollariesF
1:$nder the same %onditions= if any minor dimensions are gi;en to siBteenths of an in%h= they
%annot be totalled at all:
>:The %orre%t total will be%ome self@e;ident at 9FL1 a:m: on Monday:
Louie's M,*M 3ules
1:,f it ain't no big deal= don't worry about it:
>:,f you %an't do anything about it= don't worry about it:
G:,f it's someone else's problem= don't worry about it:
H:,f it's easily fiBed= it don't matter whose fault it was:
I:,f it's done it's done= if it %an't be undone@@don't worry about it:
J:,f there's no damage= don't ma<e a proEe%t out of it:
Law of Lo;e
A dandelion from a lo;er means more than an or%hid from a friend:
Low's *irst Law of Management
4ome people manage by the boo< e;en though they don't <now who wrote the boo< or e;en what
boo<:
Lowry's Additional Lie
,';e ne;er done this before:
Lowrey's Law
,f it Eams @@ for%e it:
,f it brea<s= it needed repla%ing anyway:
Lowrey's Law of EBpertis
-ust when you get really good at something= you don't need to do it any more:
Lowrey's Law of EBpertise
-ust when you get really good at something= you don't need to do it any more:
Lubars<y's Law of Cyberneti% Entomology
There's always one more bug:
Lubin's Law
,f another s%ientist thought your resear%h was more important than his= he would drop what he is
doing and do what you are doing:
Lu%e's Law
/o good deed goes unpunished:
Lu%y 5an 1elt's 0bser;ation
There must be one day abo;e all others in ea%h life that is the happiest:
Corollary @ 6hat if you';e already had itR
Lu%y's Laws
1:The alternati;e to getting old is depressing:
>:/o good deed goes unpunished:
Luten's Laws
1:6hen properly administered= ;a%ations do not diminish produ%ti;ityF for e;ery wee< you're away
and
get nothing done= there's another wee< when your boss is away and you get twi%e as mu%h done:
>:,t's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps on%e you're off the ground:
Lyall's ConEe%ture
,f a %omputer %able has one end= then it has another:
Lyall's *undamental 0bser;ation
The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing:
Lydia's ABiom
/othing is as temporary as that whi%h is %alled permanent:
Corollary @ /othing is as permanent as that whi%h is %alled temporary:
Lyn%h's Law
6hen the going gets tough= e;erybody lea;es:
Lyndons prin%ipal
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an on%oming train:
Lyon's Law of +esitation
+e who hesitates is last:
M
Ma%(onald's 4e%ond Law
Consultants are mysti%al people who as< a %ompany for a number and gi;e it ba%< to them:
Ma%pherson's Theory of Entropy
,t re?uires less energy to ta<e an obEe%t out of it's proper pla%e than to put it ba%<:
Madison's 2uestion
,f you ha;e to tra;el on a Titani%= why not go first@%lassR
Mae 6est's 0bser;ation
To err is human= but it feels terrifi%:
Mahr's Law of 3estrained ,n;ol;ement
(on't get any on you:
Maier's Law
,f the fa%ts do not %onform to the theory= they must be disposed of:
CorollariesF
1:The bigger the theory= the better:
>:The eBperiment may be %onsidered a su%%ess if no more than ILP of the obser;ed
measurements must be dis%arded to obtain a %orresponden%e with the theory:
CCompensation CorollaryD
Main's Law
*or e;ery a%tion there is an e?ual and opposite go;ernment program:
Male<'s Law
Any simple idea will be worded in the most %ompli%ated way:
Malinows<i's Law
Loo<ing from far abo;e= from our high pla%es of safety in the de;eloped %i;ili"ation= it is easy to see
all the %rudity and irrele;an%e of magi%:
Malloy's MaBim
The fa%t that mon<eys ha;e hands should gi;e us pause:
Management Truths
1:Thin< before you a%tA it's not your money:
>:All good management is the eBpression of one great idea:
G:/o eBe%uti;e de;otes effort to pro;ing himself wrong:
H:Cash in must eB%eed %ash out:
I:Management %apability is always less than the organi"ation a%tually needs:
J:Either an eBe%uti;e %an do his Eob or he %an't:
7:,f sophisti%ated %al%ulations are needed to Eustify an a%tion= don't do it:
K:,f you are doing something wrong= you will do it badly:
9:,f you are attempting the impossible= you will fail:
1L:The easiest way of ma<ing money is to stop losing it:
11:0rgani"ations always ha;e too many managers:
Manley's MaBim
Logi% is a systemati% method of %oming to the wrong %on%lusion with %onfiden%e:
Margaret Mead's Law of +uman Migration
At least fifty per%ent of the human ra%e doesn't want their mother@in@law within wal<ing distan%e:
Mar< Miller's EB%eption to Crane's Law
There are no Mfree lun%hesM= but sometimes it %osts more to %olle%t money than to gi;e away food:
Mar<'s mar<
Lo;e is a matter of %hemistryA seB is a matter of physi%s:
Mar<'s 0bser;ation
Lo;e is a matter of %hemistryA seB is a matter of physi%s:
Marshall's enerali"ed ,%eberg Theorem
4e;en eighths of e;erything %an't be seen:
Marshall's $ni;ersal Laws of 1erpetual 1er%eptual 0bfus%ation
1:/obody per%ei;es anything with total a%%ura%y:
>:/o two people per%ei;e the same thing identi%ally:
G:*ew per%ei;e what differen%e it ma<es @@ or %are:
Martha's MaBim
,f od had meant for us to tra;el tourist %lass= +e would ha;e made us narrower:
Martin's EB%lusion
Committee reports dealing with wages= salaries= fringe benefits= fa%ilities= %omputers= employee
par<ing= libraries= %offee brea<s= se%retarial support= et%:= always %all for dramati% eBpenditure
in%reases:
Martin's Law of Committees
All %ommittee reports %on%lude that Mit is not prudent to %hange the poli%y Cor pro%edure= or
organi"ation= or whate;erD at this time:M
Martin's EB%lusionF Committee reports dealing with wages= salaries= fringe benefits= fa%ilities=
%omputers= employee par<ing= libraries= %offee brea<s= se%retarial support= et%:= always %all for
dramati% eBpenditure in%reases:
Martin's Law of Communi%ation
The ine;itable result of impro;ed and enlarged %ommuni%ation between different le;els in a
hierar%hy is a ;astly in%reased area of misunderstanding:
Martin's Laws of A%ademia
1:The fa%ulty eBpands its a%ti;ity to fit whate;er spa%e is a;ailable= so that more spa%e is always
re?uired:
>:*a%ulty pur%hases of e?uipment and supplies always in%rease to mat%h the funds a;ailable= so
these funds are ne;er ade?uate:
G:The professional ?uality of the fa%ulty tends to be in;ersely proportional to the importan%e it
atta%hes
to spa%e and e?uipment:
Martin's MinimaB MaBim
E;eryone <nows that the name of the game is to let the other guy ha;e all of the little tats and to
<eep all of the big tits for yourself:
Martin's 1rin%iple of (esign ,nertia
Any %hange loo<s terrible at first:
Martin@'erthelot 1rin%iple
0f all possible %ommittee rea%tions to any gi;en agenda item= the rea%tion that will o%%ur is the one
whi%h will liberate the greatest amount of hot air:
Mason's *irst Law of 4ynergism
The one day you'd sell your soul forsomething= souls are a glut:
Mason's Law of astro ,ntestinal (isorders
,f your stoma%h only o%%asionally growls it will happen on the first date with a beautiful woman you
ha;e been trying to get to go out with you for fi;e months:
Mats%h's Law
,t is better to ha;e a horrible ending than to ha;e horrors without end:
Mats%h's MaBim
A fool in a high station is li<e a man on the top of a small mountainF e;erything appears small to him
and he appears small to e;erybody:
Mat"'s 6arning
'eware of the physi%ian who is great at getting out of trouble:
Maugham's Thought
0nly a medio%re person is always at his best:
*irst MaBim of Computers
To err is human= but to really s%rew things up re?uires a %omputer:
May's Law
The ?uality of the %orrelation is in;ersely proportional to the density of the %ontrol Cthe fewer the
fa%ts= the smoother the %ur;esD:
May's Mordant MaBim
A uni;ersity is a pla%e where men of prin%iple outnumber men of honor:
Maytag's 3ule
6ashing ma%hines only brea< down during the wash %y%le when they are full of water:
M%Carthy's Law
'eing in politi%s is li<e being a football %oa%h: 8ou ha;e to be smart enough to understand the
game and dumb enough to thin< it's important:
M%Claughry's Law of 1ubli% 1oli%y
1oliti%ians who ;ote huge eBpenditures to alle;iate problems get re@ele%tedA those who propose
stru%tural %hanges to pre;ent problems get early retirement:
M%Claughry's Law of 9oning
6here "oning is not needed= it will wor< perfe%tlyA where it is desperately needed= it always brea<s
down:
M%(onald's 4e%ond Law
Consultants are mysti%al people who as< a %ompany for a number and gi;e it ba%< to them:
M%oon's Law
The probability of winning is in;ersely proportional to the amount of the wager:
M%o;ern's Law
The longer the title= the less important the Eob:
M%regor's 3e;ised MaBim
The shortest distan%e between two points is under %onstru%tion:
M%ur<'s Law
Any improbable e;ent whi%h would %reate maBimum %onfusion if it did o%%ur= will o%%ur:
M%,ll;enna's Theory of 6rongness
1:,f anything %an go wrong= it will:
>:,f anything Eust %annot go wrong= it will anyway:
G:,f anything simply %annot go wrong= it will anyway:
H:,f there is a worse time for something to go wrong= it will happen then:
I:,f e;erything is %oming your way= you're in the wrong lane:
J:,f e;erything seems to be going well= you ha;e ob;iously o;erloo<ed something:
7:,f e;erything seems to be going well= you ob;iously don't <now what's going on:
K:,f there is a possibility of se;eral things going wrong= the one that will %ause the most damage will
be
the one to go wrong:
M%.enna's Law
6hen you are right= be logi%al: 6hen you are wrong= be@fuddle:
M%Laughlin's Law
The length of any meeting is in;ersely proportional to the length of the agenda for that meeting:
M%Lean's MaBim
There are only two problems with people: 0ne is that they don't thin<: The other is that they do:
M%/aughton's 3ule
Any argument worth ma<ing within the bureau%ra%y must be %apable of being eBpressed in a simple
de%larati;e senten%e that is ob;iously true on%e stated:
Mel%her's Law
,n a bureau%ra%y= e;ery routing slip will eBpand until it %ontains the maBimum number of names that
%an be typed in a single ;erti%al %olumn:
Men%<en's Law
Those who %an@ do: Those who %annot@ tea%h: Those who %annot tea%h@ administrate:
Men%<en's Metalaw
*or e;ery human problem= there is a neat= simple solutionA and it is always wrong:
Law of mental health
,f you're feeling good= don't worry= you'll get o;er it:
Mer<in's MaBim
6hen in doubt= predi%t that the present trend will %ontinue:
Merrill's Corollaries
1:There are no winners in lifeA only sur;i;ors:
>:,n the highway of life= the a;erage happening is of about as mu%h true signifi%an%e as a dead s<un<
in the middle of the road:
Merrill's Laws of 4%holarship
1:/e;er let your maEor professor <now that you eBist:
>:The final eBam will be based entirely on the one le%ture you missed about the boo< you didn't read:
G:The more studying you did for the eBam= the less sure you are as to whi%h answer they want:
H:6hen you are o%%asionally able to s%hedule two %lasses in a row= they will be held in %lassrooms at
opposite ends of the %ampus:
Mes<imen's Laws
1:6hen they want it bad Cin a rushD= they get it bad:
>:There's ne;er time to do it right= but always time to do it o;er:
Mesta's Law of 1arties
Those who li;e %losest arri;e last:
Meteorologi%al Law
As soon as the stewardess ser;es %offee= the airliner en%ounters turbulen%e:
4%ientifi% EBplanation
4er;ing %offee on an airliner %auses turbulen%e:
Meyer's Law
,n a so%ial situation= that whi%h is most diffi%ult to do is usually the right thing to do:
Mi%hehl's Theorem
Less is more:
1astore's Comment on Mi%hehl's Theorem
/othing is ultimate:
Mi%<elson's Law of *alling 0bEe%ts
Any obEe%t that is a%%identally dropped will hide under a larger obEe%t:
Mi<s%h's Law
,f a string has one end= then it has another end:
Miller's Christmas Card 3ule
After you';e mailed your last %ard= you will re%ei;e a %ard from someone you';e o;erloo<ed:
Miller's Law CMartin's EBtensionD
8ou %an't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it:
Mills's Law of Transportation Logisti%s
The distan%e to the gate from whi%h your flight departs is in;ersely proportional to the time
remaining before the s%heduled departure of the flight:
Corollaries C6oodsDF
1:This remains true e;en as you rush to %at%h the flight:
>:*rom this it follows that you are in;ariably rushing the wrong way:
Mis%ellaneous 1essimisti% Musings
1:The %han%e of a pie%e of bread falling down with the buttered side down is dire%tly proportional to
the %ost of the %arpet:
>:*riends %ome and go= but enemies a%%umulate:
G:/o matter how long or hard you shop for an item= after you';e bought it= it will be on sale
somewhere
else %heaper:
H:/ature always sides with the hidden flaw:
I:6hate;er plan one ma<es= there is a hidden diffi%ulty somewhere:
J:,f you do not understand a parti%ular word in a pie%e of te%hni%al writing= ignore it: The pie%e will
ma<e perfe%t sense without it:
7:eware the day in whi%h you don't ha;e something to bit%h about:
K:,f it loo<s easy it's tough: ,f it loo<s tough it's damn well impossible:
9:CompleB problems ha;e simple= easy@to@understand= wrong answers:
1L:,f e;erything is %oming your way= you're in the wrong lane:
11:There is nothing so small that it %an't be blown out of proportion:
1>:,f you're feeling good= don't worry: 8ou'll get o;er it:
1G:,f people listened to themsel;es more often= they would tal< less:
M,T4 Law CMan ,n The 4treetD
The number of people wat%hing you is dire%tly proportional to the stupidity of your a%tion:
Mobil's MaBim
'ad regulation begets worse regulation:
Moer's Truism
The trouble with most Eobs is the resemblan%e to being in a sled dog teamF /o one gets a %hange of
s%enery= eB%ept the lead dog:
Money MaBim
Money isn't e;erything: C,t isn't plentiful= for instan%e:D
Montagu's MaBim
The idea is to die young as late as possible:
Montgomery's MaBim
,f at first you don't su%%eed read the manual:
More of Murphy's Laws
+ere is no limit to how bad things %an get: There is no Eob so simple that it %annot be done wrong:
Morley's Con%lusion
/o man is lonely while eating spaghetti:
Morley's Con%lusion
/o man is lonely while eating spaghetti:
Morner's 3ule of Thumb
EBperien%e ;aries dire%tly with e?uipment ruined:
Morton's Law
,f rats are eBperimented upon= they will de;elop %an%er: CM6hat this %ountry needs are some
stronger white rats:MD
Mosher's Law
,t's better to retire too soon than too late:
Mother 4igafoos's 0bser;ation
A man should be greater than some of his parts:
Mother's Laws
1:8ou %an't fall off the floor: Cit ta<es %hildren three years to learn this law:D
>:A %hild will not spill on a dirty floor:
G:Any %hild who %hatters non@stop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when re?uested to
demonstrate for an audien%e:
H:An unbrea<able toy is useful for brea<ing other toys:
Motor 5ehi%le 1ostulate
Eighty per%ent of all people %onsider themsel;es to be abo;e@a;erage dri;ers:
Motorist's ABioms
1:The dri;er in front of you wants to go fi;e miles per hour slower than you:
>:6hen you're not in a hurry= the traffi% light will turn green as soon as your ;ehi%le %omes to a
%omplete stop:
G:8ou ne;er really learn to swear until you learn to dri;e:
H:8our own %ar uses more gas and oil than anyone else's:
I:*our wheel dri;e Eust means getting stu%< in more ina%%essible pla%es:
J:A short %ut is the longest distan%e between two points:
Mr: Cole's ABiom
The sum of the intelligen%e on the planet is a %onstantA the population is growing:
Mr: Cooper's Law
,f you do not understand a parti%ular word in a pie%e of te%hni%al writing= ignore it: The pie%e will
ma<e perfe%t sense without it:
Mrs: 1ar<inson's Law
+eat produ%ed by pressure eBpands to fill the mind a;ailable= from whi%h it %an pass only to a %ooler
mind:
Muir's Law
6hen we try to pi%< out anything by itself= we find it hit%hedto e;erything else in the uni;erse:
Munne%<e's Law
,f you don't say it= they %an't repeat it:
Munroes 0bser;ation
Common sense is not that %ommon:
Mur%hison's Law of Money
Money is li<e manure: ,f you spread it around= it does a lot of good: 'ut if you pile it up in one pla%e=
it stin<s li<e hell:
The Murphy 1hilosophy
4mile= tomorrow will be worse:
Murphy's Constant
Matter will be damaged in dire%t proportion to its ;alue:
Murphy's Corollaries
1:Murphy's Law may be delayed or suspended for an indefinite period of time= pro;ided that su%h
delay or suspension will result in a greater %atastrophe at a later date:
>:The magnitude of the %atastrophe is dire%tly proportional to the number of people wat%hing:
G:The magnitude of the %atastrophe is eBponentially proportional to the importan%e of the o%%asion:
H:,f an out%ome has a ILP %han%e of o%%urring= its a%tual probability of happening is in;ersely
proportional to the desirability of the out%ome:
I:,f two %orollaries of Murphy's Law %ontradi%t ea%h other= the one with greater potential for damage
ta<es pre%eden%e:
Murphy's *auB 1as
1:The intensity of an it%h is proportional to the formality of the o%%asion:
>:Light %lothing attra%ts dar<@%olored food spillsA (ar< %lothing attra%ts light@ %olored food spills:
G:The probability that you forget somebody's name is dire%tly proportional to the degree to whi%h they
would feel insulted:
H:0ther people will not noti%e your subtle hints= no matter how hard you try:
I:8ou will not noti%e other people's subtle hints= no matter how hard they try:
Law of Murphy's Law
Murphy's law was not propounded by Murphy= but by another man with the same name:
Murphy's Law of Copiers
The legibility of a %opy is in;ersely proportional to its importan%e:
Murphy's Law of 3esear%h
Enough resear%h will tend to support your theory:
Murphy's Law of the 0pen 3oad
6hen there is a ;ery long road upon whi%h there is a one@way bridge pla%ed at random= and there
are only two %ars on that road= it follows thatF C1D the two %ars are going in opposite dire%tions= and
C>D they will always meet at the bridge:
Murphy's Law of Thermodynami%s
Things get worse under pressure:
Murphy's 3estatement
E;erything goes wrong all at on%e:
Murray's Consumer ABioms
1:/e;er as< a barber if you need a hair%ut:
>:/e;er as< a salesman if his is a good pri%e:
G:Always hire a ri%h attorney:
H:/e;er buy from a ri%h salesman:
Law of Museums
The most interesting spe%imen will not be labeled:
The *irst Myth of Management
,t eBists:
/
The /@1 Law
,f you need four s%rews for the Eob= the first three are easy to find:
/ader's Law
The speed of eBit of a %i;il ser;ant is dire%tly proportional to the ?uality of his ser;i%e:
/A4A 4<ylab 3ule
(on't do it if you %an't <eep it up:
/A4A Truisms
1:3esear%h is reading two boo<s that ha;e ne;er been read in order to write a third that will ne;er be
read:
>:A %onsultant is an ordinary person a long way from home:
G:4tatisti%s are a highly logi%al and pre%ise method for saying a half@truth ina%%urately:
Law of /ations
,n an underde;eloped %ountry= don't drin< the waterA in a de;eloped %ountry= don't breathe the air:
/a;y Law
,f you %an <eep your head when all about you others are losing theirs= maybe you Eust don't
understand the situation:
/'C's Addendum to Murphy's Law
8ou ne;er run out of things that %an go wrong:
/ef's Law
There is a solution to e;ery problemA the only diffi%ulty is finding it:
/essen's Law
4e%ret sour%es are more %redible:
Law of new %i;i%ally ba%<ed football stadiums
,f they build it= you will pay:
Law of /ew *angled adgetry
The most eBpensi;e %omponent is the one that brea<s:
The /ew Math 5ersion of Murphy's Law
,f there is a ILUIL %han%e of something going wrong= nine times out of ten it will:
/ew Theory of 3elati;ity
+ow long a minute is depends on whi%h side of the bathroom door you are on:
/ewman's Law
+ypo%risy is the 5aseline of so%ial inter%ourse:
/ewton's Little@<nown 4e;enth Law
A bird in the hand is safer than one o;erhead:
/i%< the ree<'s Law
All things %onsidered= life is 9@to@I against:
/ienberg's Law
1rogress is made on alternate *ridays:
/ies's Law
The effort eBpended by the bureau%ra%y in defending any error is in dire%t proportion to the si"e of
the error:
/inety@ninety 3ule of 1roEe%t 4%hedules
The first ninety per%ent of the tas< ta<es ninety per%ent of the time= and the last ten per%ent ta<es the
other ninety per%ent:
/iBon's 3ule
,f two wrongs don't ma<e a right= try three:
/o: G 1en%il 1rin%iple
Ma<e it suffi%iently diffi%ult for people to do something= and most people will stop doing it:
Corollary @ ,f no one uses something= it isn't needed:
/obel Effe%t
There is no proposition= no matter how foolish= for whi%h a do"en /obel signatures %annot be
%olle%ted: *urthermore= any su%h petition is guaranteed page@one treatment in the /ew 8or< Times:
/obel 1rin%iple
0nly someone who understands something absolutely %an eBplain it so no one else %an understand
it:
/oble's Law of 1oliti%al ,magery
All other things being e?ual= a bald man %annot be ele%ted 1resident of the $nited 4tates:
Corollary @ i;en a %hoi%e between two bald politi%al %andidates= the Ameri%an people will ;ote for
the less bald of the two:
/onre%ipro%al Laws of EBpe%tations
1:/egati;e eBpe%tations yield negati;e results:
>:1ositi;e eBpe%tations yield negati;e results:
/orth Carolina E?uine 1aradoB
5yar"er"omanimororse"asse"an"erareorsesR
/owlan's Truism
An 'a%%eptable le;el of unemployment' means that the go;ernment e%onomist to whom it is
a%%eptable still has a Eob:
/ursing Mother 1rin%iple
(o not nurse a <id who wears bra%es:
/y?uist's Theory of E?uilibrium
E?uality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professorA e?uality is when a
female s%hlemiel mo;es ahead as fast as a male s%hlemiel:
0
0''rian's Law
,f you %hange lines= the one you Eust left will start to mo;e faster than the one you are now in:
0''rien's *irst Law of 1oliti%s
The more %ampaigning= the better:
0''rien's 1rin%iple CThe SGI7:7G TheoremD
Auditors always reEe%t any eBpense a%%ount with a bottom line di;isible by I or 1L:
0''rien's 3ule
/othing is e;er done for the right reason:
0'3eilly's Law of the .it%hen
Cleanliness is neBt to impossible:
0'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws
Murphy was an optimist:::
-ones' EBtension to 0'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws
/ot Eust an optimist@ he was a hopeless romanti%:
0a<s's $nruly Laws for Lawma<ers
1:Law eBpands in proportion to the resour%es a;ailable for its enfor%ement:
>:'ad law is more li<ely to be supplemented than repealed:
G:4o%ial legislation %annot repeal physi%al laws:
Law of 0bser;ation
/othing loo<s as good %lose up as it does from far away:
The 0b;ious Law
A%tually= it only 4EEM4 as though you mustn't be de%ei;ed by appearan%es:
0%%am's Ele%tri% 3a"or
The most diffi%ult light bulb to repla%e burns out first and most fre?uently:
0%%am's 3a"or
Entities ought not to be multiplied eB%ept from ne%essity:
3eformulationsF
1:The eBplanation re?uiring the fewest assumptions is the most li<ely to be %orre%t:
>:6hene;er two hypotheses %o;er the fa%ts= use the simpler of the two:
G:Cut the %rap:
0esner's Law C0eser's LawRD
There is a tenden%y for the person in the most powerful position in an organi"ation to spend all his
time ser;ing on %ommittees and signing letters:
0ld and .ahn's Law
The effi%ien%y of a %ommittee meeting is in;ersely proportional to the number of parti%ipants and the
time spent on deliberations:
0ld Children's Law
,f it tastes good= you %an't ha;e it: ,f it tastes awful= you'd better %lean your plate:
0ld Engineer's Law
The larger the proEe%t or Eob= the less time there is to do it:
0ld 4%ottish 1rayer
0 Lord= grant that we may always be right= for Thou <nowest we will ne;er %hange our minds:
0li;er's Law of Lo%ation
/o matter where you are= there you are:
0lum's 0bser;ation Cand see Martha's MaBim and *arrow's *indingD
,f od had intended us to go around na<ed= +e would ha;e made us that way:
0phthalmologist's 1rin%iple
A flying parti%le will see< the nearest eye:
0ppenheimer's 0bser;ation
The optimist thin<s this is the best of all possible worlds= and the pessimist <nows it:
0ptimum 0ptimorum 1rin%iple
There %omes a time when one must stop suggesting and e;aluating new solutions= and get on with
the Eob of analy"ing and finally implementing one pretty good solution:
0rdering 1rin%iple
Those supplies ne%essary for yesterday's eBperiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon:
Law of 0rgani"ation
(isorder eBpands proportionately to the toleran%e for it:
0rgani"ational Law
The less wor< an organi"ation produ%es= the more fre?uently it reorgani"es:
0rion's Law
E;erything brea<s down:
0rwell's Law of 'ridge
All bridge hands are e?ually li<ely= but some are more e?ually li<ely than others:
0sborn's Law
5ariables won'tA %onstants aren't:
0toole's ABiom
0ne %hild is not enough= but two are too many:
0tten's Law of Testimony
6hen a person says that= in the interest of sa;ing time= he will summari"e his prepared statement=
he will tal< only three times as long as if he had read the statement in the first pla%e:
0tten's Law of Typesetting
Typesetters always %orre%t intentional errors= but fail to %orre%t unintentional ones:
0"ian 0ption
, %an't gi;e you brains= but , %an gi;e you a diploma:
1
1ani% ,nstru%tion
6hen you don't <now what to do= wal< fast and loo< worried:
1aperboy's rule of 6eather
/o matter how %lear the s<ies are= a thunderstorm will mo;e in I minutes after the papers are
deli;ered:
1aradoB of 4ele%ti;e E?uality
All thing being e?ual= all things are ne;er e?ual:
1aradoBi%al Law
(oing it the hard way is always easier:
1ardo's 1ostulates
1:Anything good is either illegal= immoral= or fattening:
>:The three faithful things in life are money= a dog= and an old woman:
G:(on't %are if you're ri%h or not= as long as you li;e %omfortably and %an ha;e e;erything you want:
1areto's Law CThe >LUKL LawD
>LP of the %ustomers a%%ount for KLP of the turno;er= >LP of the %omponents a%%ount for KLP of
the %ost= and so forth:
1ar<er's Law of 1oliti%al 4tatements
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its %redibility= and ;i%e ;ersa:
1ar<er's 1rophesies
1:,f anything is used to it's full potential= it will brea<:
>:Anything labeled MnewM andUor Mimpro;edM isn't:
G:,f an item is ad;ertised as Munder SIL:LL=M you %an bet it's not S19:9I:
H:The one you want is ne;er the one on sale:
I:,f you li<e it= they don't ha;e it in your si"e:
J:8ou ne;er want the one you %an afford:
1ar<er's 3ule of 1arliamentary 1ro%edure
A motion to adEourn is always in order:
1ar<er's Third 3ule of Te%h 4upport
,f you %an't na;igate a one@le;el= fi;e@item phone tree= you didn't need a %omputer anyway:
1ar<in's Law of ,rritation
Anything that happens enough times to irritate you will happen at least on%e more:
1ar<ing Laws
1ar<ing pla%e (efinedF A huge spa%e large enough for siB %ars on the other side of the street:
ABiomsF
1:As soon as you ha;e made your $ Turn to ta<e one of the pla%es siB %ars %ome along and
ta<e all of them all:
>:,f you ha;e to par< siB blo%<s away and wal< ba%< to the building= you will find two new par<ing
spa%es right in front of the building entran%e when you get there:
G:,f only two %ars are left in a huge par<ing lot= one will be blo%<ing the other:
1ar<inson's ABioms
1:An offi%ial wants to multiply subordinates= not ri;als:
>:0ffi%ials ma<e wor< for ea%h other:
1ar<inson's Law of 1LLL
An enterprise employing more than 1LLL people be%omes a self@perpetuating empire= %reating so
mu%h internal wor< that it no longer needs any %onta%t with the outside world:
1ar<inson's Law of (elay
(elay is the deadliest form of denial:
1ar<inson's Law of Medi%al 3esear%h
4u%%essful resear%h attra%ts the bigger grant whi%h ma<es further resear%h impossible:
1ar<inson's Law of the Telephone
The effe%ti;eness of a telephone %on;ersation is in in;erse proportion to the time spent on it:
1ar<inson's Laws
1:6or< eBpands to fill the time a;ailable for its %ompletionA the thing to be done swells in per%ei;ed
importan%e and %ompleBity in a dire%t ratio with the time to be spent in its %ompletion:
>:EBpenditures rise to meet in%ome:
G:EBpansion means %ompleBityA and %ompleBity de%ay:
H:The number of people in any wor<ing group tends to in%rease regardless of the amount of wor< to
be done:
I:,f there is a way to delay an important de%ision the good bureau%ra%y= publi% or pri;ate= will find it:
J:The progress of s%ien%e ;aries in;ersely with the number of Eournals published:
1ar<inson's 1rin%iple of /on@0rigination
,t is the essen%e of grantsmanship to persuade the *oundation eBe%uti;es that it was T+E8 who
suggested the resear%h proEe%t and that you were a belated %on;ert= agreeing relu%tantly to all they
had proposed:
1arson's Laws
1:,f you brea< a %up or plate= it will not be the one that was already %hipped or %ra%<ed:
>:A pla%e you want to get to is always Eust off the edge of the map you happen to ha;e handy:
G:A meeting lasts at least 1 1U> hours howe;er short the agenda:
The 1arty Law
The more food you prepare= the less your guests eat:
1astore's Comment on Mi%hehl's Theorem
/othing is ultimate:
1astore's Truths
1:E;en paranoids ha;e enemies:
>:Most Eobs are marginally better than daytime T5:
G:0n al%oholF four is one more than more than enough:
1atri%<'s Theorem
,f the eBperiment wor<s= you must be using the wrong e?uipment:
1atton's Law
A good plan today is better than a perfe%t plan tomorrow:
1aturi 1rin%iple
4u%%ess is the result of beha;ior that %ompletely %ontradi%ts the usual eBpe%tations about the
beha;ior of a su%%essful person:
Corollary @ The amount of su%%ess is in in;erse proportion to the effort in;ol;ed in attaining it:
1aul 1rin%iple
1eople be%ome progressi;ely less %ompetent for Eobs they on%e were well e?uipped to handle:
1aul's Law Cof (rin<ingD
8ou %an't fall off the floor:
1aul's Law of roup ,nsuran%e
The illness you %ome down with is the one ailment not %o;ered under your insuran%e poli%y:
1aulg's Law
,n Ameri%a= it's not how mu%h an item %osts= it's how mu%h you sa;e:
1e%<'s 1rogramming 1ostulates C1hilosophi% Engineering applied to programmingD
1:,n any program= any error whi%h %an %reep in will e;entually do so:
>:/ot until the program has been in produ%tion for at least siB months will the most harmful error be
dis%o;ered:
G:Any %onstants= limits= or timing formulas that appear in the %omputer manufa%turer's literature
should
be treated as ;ariables:
H:The most ;ital parameter in any subroutine stands the greatest %han%e of being left out of the %alling
se?uen%e:
I:,f only one %ompiler %an be se%ured for a pie%e of hardware= the %ompilation times will be
eBorbitant:
J:,f a test installation fun%tions perfe%tly= all subse?uent systems will malfun%tion:
7:-ob %ontrol %ards that positi;ely %annot be arranged in improper order= will be:
K:,nter%hangeable tapes won't:
9:,f more than one person has programmed a malfun%tioning routine= no one is at fault:
1L:,f the input editor has been designed to reEe%t all bad input= an ingenious idiot will dis%o;er a
method
to get bad data past it:
11:(upli%ated obEe%t de%<s whi%h test in identi%al fashion will not gi;e identi%al results at remote sites:
1>:Manufa%turer's hardware and software support %eases with payment for the %omputer:
1e%<ham's Law C'e%<hap's LawRD
'eauty times brains e?uals a %onstant:
1eer's Law
The solution to a problem %hanges the problem:
1erelman's 1oint
There is nothing li<e a good painsta<ing sur;ey full of de%imal points and guarded generali"ations
to put a gla"e li<e a 4ung ;ase on your eyeball:
1er<in's 1ostulate
The bigger they are= the harder they hit:
1erlsweig's Law
1eople who %an least afford to pay rent= pay rent: 1eople who %an most afford to pay rent= build up
e?uity:
Law of 1ermanen%e
1oliti%al power is as permanent as today's newspaper: Ten years from now= few will <now or %are
who the most powerful man in any state was today:
1ersig's 1ostulate
The number of rational hypotheses that %an eBplain any gi;en phenomenon is infinite:
The 1er;erse 1rin%iples of Temperature 3egulation
1:The air %onditioner in your %ar will brea< down on the hottest day of the year= the heater will be
stu%<
on M+ighM= and all of the windows will be sei"ed shut:
>:The heater will brea< down on the %oldest day of the year= the air %onditioner will be stu%< on
M+ighM
and the windows will be sei"ed open:
Law of the 1er;ersity of /ature
8ou %annot su%%essfully determine beforehand whi%h side of the bread to butter:
1er;ersity of /ature Law
8ou %annot su%%essfully determine beforehand whi%h side of the bread to butter:
1eter 1rin%iple
,n e;ery hierar%hy= whether it be go;ernment or business= ea%h employee tends to rise to his le;el of
in%ompeten%eA e;ery post tends to be filled by an employee in%ompetent to eBe%ute its duties:
CorollariesF
1:,n%ompeten%e <nows no barriers of time or pla%e:
>:6or< is a%%omplished by those employees who ha;e not yet rea%hed their le;el of
in%ompeten%e:
G:,f at first you don't su%%eed= try something else:
1eter's +idden 1ostulate A%%ording to odin
E;ery employee begins at his le;el of %ompeten%e:
1eter's ,n;ersion
,nternal %onsisten%y is ;alued more highly than effi%ien%y:
1eter's Law of E;olution
Competen%e always %ontains the seed of in%ompeten%e:
1eter's Law of 4ubstitution
Loo< after the molehills and the mountains will loo< after themsel;es:
1eter's 0bser;ation
4uper@%ompeten%e is more obEe%tionable than in%ompeten%e:
1eter's 1aradoB
Employees in a hierar%hy do not really obEe%t to in%ompeten%e in their %olleagues:
1eter's 1erfe%t 1eople 1alliati;e
Ea%h of us is a miBture of good ?ualities and some CperhapsD not@so@good ?ualities: ,n %onsidering
our fellow people we should remember their good ?ualities and reali"e that their faults only pro;e
that they are= after all= human: 6e should refrain from ma<ing harsh Eudgments of people Eust
be%ause they happen to be dirty= rotten= no@good sons@of@bit%hes:
1eter's 1la%ebo
An oun%e of image is worth a pound of performan%e:
1eter's 1rognosis
4pend suffi%ient time in %onfirming the need and the need will disappear:
1eter's 3ule for Creati;e ,n%ompeten%e
Create the impression that you ha;e already rea%hed your le;el of in%ompeten%e:
1eter's Theorem
,n%ompeten%e plus in%ompeten%e e?uals in%ompeten%e:
1eters prin%ipal
1:,n any hierar%hy= ea%h indi;idual rises to his own le;el of in%ompeten%e= and then remains there:
>:There is ne;er time to do it right but there is always time to do it o;er:
G:1eople spe%iali"e in their area of greatest wea<ness:
H:E;ery organi"ation has an allotted number of positions to be filled by in%ompetents:
1eterson's Law
+istory shows that money will multiply in ;olume and di;ide in ;alue o;er the long run: 0r=
eBpressed
differently= the pur%hasing power of %urren%y will ;ary in;ersely with the magnitude of the publi%
debt:
1hases of a 1roEe%t
1:EBultation:
>:(isen%hantment:
G:Confusion:
H:4ear%h for the uilty:
I:1unishment of the ,nno%ent:
J:(istin%tion for the $nin;ol;ed:
1helps's Law of 3etributi;e 4tatisti%s
An uneBpe%tedly easy@to@handle se?uen%e of e;ents will be immediately followed by an e?ually long
se?uen%e of trouble:
1helps's Laws of 3eno;ation
1:Any reno;ation proEe%t on an old house will %ost twi%e as mu%h and ta<e three times as long as
originally estimated:
>:Any plumbing pipes you %hoose to repla%e during reno;ation will pro;e to be in eB%ellent %onditionA
those you de%ide to lea;e in pla%e will be rotten:
1hillip's 1rin%iple of 0bser;able 3epairs
1:The number of witnesses a;ailable is in;ersely proportional to the s<ill you demonstrate:
>:There will ne;er be anyone around to see you do something brilliant
G:6hen you really s%rew up= you will get networ< %o;erage with a HL share:
H:The only thing you didn't %he%< for a malfun%tion= will be the sour%e of the problem= but you won't
find
it until you are %alled ba%<:
1hone 'ooth 3ule
A lone dime always gets the number nearly right:
The Third Law of 1hotography
,f you did manage to get any good shots= they will be ruined when someone inad;ertently opens the
dar<room door and all of the dar< lea<s out:
4e%ond Law of 1hysi%s
8ou %ant push on a rope:
1ier%e's Law
,n any %omputer system= the ma%hine will always misinterpret= mis%onstru%t= misprint= or not
e;aluate
any math or subroutines or fail to print any output on at least the first run through:
Corollary to 1ier%e's Law
6hen a %ompiler a%%epts a program without error on the first run= the program will not yield the
desired output:
1ierson's Law
,f you're %oasting= you're going downhill:
1i<e Law of 1unditry
The su%%essful pundit is pro;ided more opportunities to say things than he has things worth saying:
1ineapple 1rin%iple
The best parts of anything are always impossible to remo;e from the worst parts:
1itfall of enius
/o boss will <eep an employee who is right all the time:
1lotni%<'s Law
The time of departure will be delayed by the s?uare of the number of people in;ol;ed:
The 1oint of /o 3eturn Law
The light at the end of the tunnel %ould turn out to be the headlight of an on%oming train:
1oliti%al ABioms
1:6hen attempting to predi%t and fore%ast ma%ro@e%onomi% mo;es or e%onomi% legislation by a
politi%ian= ne;er be misled by what he saysA instead wat%h what he does:
>:1oliti%ians will always inflate when gi;en the opportunity:
Law of 1oliti%al Erosion
0n%e the erosion of power begins= it has a momentum all its own:
1oliti%al 1ostulate
*ormation of a party signals the dissolution of the mo;ement:
1oliti%ians' 3ules
1:6hen the polls are in your fa;or= flaunt them:
>:6hen the polls are o;erwhelmingly unfa;orable= either CaD ridi%ule and dismiss them or CbD stress the
;olatility of publi% opinion:
G:6hen the polls are slightly unfa;orable= play for sympathy as a struggling underdog:
H:6hen too %lose to %all= be surprised at your own strength:
The 1ollyanna 1aradoB
E;ery day= in e;ery way= things get better and betterA then worse again in the e;ening:
1ope's Law of 3etroa%ti;ity
,t is easier to get forgi;eness than permission:
1ostal 1ostulate
The announ%ement of the one e;ent you most wanted to attend will arri;e in the mail the day after
the
it has ta<en pla%e:
*irst 1ostulate of ,somurphism
Things e?ual to nothing else are e?ual to ea%h other:
1otter's Law
The amount of fla< re%ei;ed on any subEe%t is in;ersely proportional to the subEe%t's true ;alue:
1oulsen's Law
6hen anything is used to its full potential= it will brea<:
1ournelle's Law of Costs and 4%hedules
E;erything %osts more and ta<es longer:
1owell's Law
/e;er tell them what you wouldn't do:
1ragmati% 1rin%ipal
/e%essity is the mother of strange bedfellows:
Law of 1redi%ti;e A%tion
The se%ond most powerful phrase in the world is M6at%h thisYM The most powerful phrase is M0h
yeahR 6at%h thisYM
1reudhomme's Law of 6indow Cleaning
,t's on the other side:
1ri%e's Law of 1oliti%s
,t's easier to be a liberal a long way from home:
1ri%e's Law of 4%ien%e
4%ientists who disli<e the restraints of highly organi"ed resear%h li<e to remar< that a truly great
resear%h wor<er needs only three pie%es of e?uipment @@ a pen%il= a pie%e of paper= and a brain:
'ut they ?uote this maBim more often at a%ademi% ban?uets than at budget hearings:
The 1rin%iple Con%erning Multifun%tional (e;i%es
The fewer fun%tions any de;i%e is re?uired to perform= the more perfe%tly it %an perform those
fun%tions:
1rin%iple of (ispla%ed +assle
To beat the bureau%ra%y= ma<e your problem their problem:
1rin%iples of su%%ess
1:E;eryone has a s%heme for getting ri%h that will not wor<:
>:6hen in doubt= mumble: 6hen in trouble= delegate:
G:6hate;er you ha;e done is ne;er a %omplete failure: ,t %an always ser;e as a bad eBample:
H:6hen the going gets tough= e;eryone lea;es:
I:,n %ase of doubt= ma<e it sound %on;in%ing:
J:,t's a simple tas< to ma<e things %ompleB= but a %ompleB tas< to ma<e them simple:
7:,f you try to please e;erybody= nobody will li<e it:
Law of 1robability
3andom e;ents tend to o%%ur in groupsF
Law of 1robable (ispersal
6hate;er hits the fan will not be e;enly distributed: Calso <nown as the +ow Come ,t All Landed 0n
Me LawD
Law of problems
1:,f one ;iews the problem %losely enough= he will re%ogni"e himself as part of the problem:
>:6hene;er you set out to do something= something else must be done first:
Corollary @ E;ery solution breeds new problems:
1rodu%ti;ity E?uation
The produ%ti;ity= 1= of a group of people isF
1 X / B T B C:II @ :LLLLI B / B C/ @ 1D D
where / is the number of people in the group and T is the number of hours in a wor< period:
1rofessional's Law
(o%tors= dentists= and lawyers are only on time for appointments when you're not:
1rofessor Corey's Law
The amount of eBpertise ;aries in in;erse proportion to the number of statements understood by the
general publi%:
1rofessor ordon's 3ule of E;ol;ing 'ryophyti% 4ystems
6hile bryophyti% plants are typi%ally en%ountered in substrata of earthy or mineral matter in
%on%reted state= dis%rete substrata elements o%%asionally display a roughly spheri%al %onfiguration
whi%h= in presen%e of suitable gra;itational and other effe%ts= lends itself to %ombined translatory
and rotational motion: 0ne noti%es in su%h %ases an absen%e of the otherwise typi%al a%%retion of
bryophyta: 6e %on%lude therefore that a rolling stone gathers no moss:
3utger's Corollary @ enerally the subEe%ti;e ;alue assignable to a;ian lifeforms= when
en%ountered and %onsidered within the %onfines of %ertain orders of woody plants la%<ing true
meristemati% dominan%e= as %ompared to a possible ;aluation of these same lifeforms when in the
grasp of @@ and subEe%t to %ontrol by @@ the manipulati;e boneUmus%leUner;e %ompleB typi%ally
terminating the forelimb of a member of the spe%ies homo sapiens Cand possibly dire%t pre%ursors
thereofD is approBimately fi;e times ten to the minus first power:
1rofundo's Laws on 4taffing
1:The number of %ustomers that ;isit your shop is in;ersely proportional to the number of employees
you ha;e to wait on them:
>:6hen your entire staff is a;ailable no one will %ome:
G:6hen you are there alone= e;eryone will %ome and they will be impatient:
*irst Law of 1roEe%t Management
*u""y proEe%t obEe%ti;es are used to a;oid the embarraament of estimating the %orresponding
%osts:
4iBth Law of 1roEe%t Management
/o matter what stage of %ompletion one rea%hes= the %ost of the remainder of the proEe%t remains
%onstant:
1roEe%t s%heduling M99M rule
The first 9L per%ent of the tas< ta<es 1L per%ent of the time: The last 1L per%ent ta<es the other 9L
per%ent:
1ro;erbial Law
*or e;ery pro;erb that so %onfidently asserts its little bit of wisdom= there is usually an e?ual and
opposite pro;erb that %ontradi%ts it:
1sy%hiatrist's At +ome Test
0ne out of four people is mentally ill: Che%< three friendsA ,f they're 0:.: it must be you:
1ubli% 3elations Client Turno;er Law
The minute you sign a %lient is the minute you start to lose him:
*irst 3ule of 1ubli% 4pea<ing
/i%e guys finish fast:
Law of 1ubli% Transit
,f you start wal<ing= the first bus will %ome pre%isely when you are halfway between stops:
1ubli% Transit (efinitions
1:A bus is a ;ehi%le in a bus "one on the other side of the street going in the opposite dire%tion than
whi%h you wish to go:
>:A bus is a ;ehi%le whi%h left the bus "one one minute ago:
1udder's Laws
1:Anything that begins well ends badly:
>:Anything that begins badly ends worse:
The 1un%ture 1rin%iple
/ails are sele%ti;ely attra%ted to the inside wheel on a dual wheeled ;ehi%le:
1uritan's Law
E;il is li;e spelled ba%<wards:
Corollary @ ,f it feels good= don't do it:
1utney's Law
,f the people of a demo%ra%y are allowed to do so= they will ;ote away the freedoms whi%h are
essential to that demo%ra%y:
1utt's Law
Te%hnology is dominated by two types of people @@ those who understand what they do not manage=
and those who manage what they do not understand:
2
2's Law
/o matter what stage of %ompletion one rea%hes in a /orth 4ea CoilD field= the %ost of the remainder
of the proEe%t remains the same:
The 2ueue 1rin%ipal
The longer you wait in line= the greater the li<elihood that you are in the wrong line:
2uigley's Law of +ighway (ri;ing
6hen tra;elling down the freeway= the first bug to hit a %lean windshield will always land dire%tly in
front of the dri;er's fa%e:
3
3ule of 3adio 3e%eption
8our wal<man radio won't pi%< up the station you want to hear most:
3a<o;e's Laws of 1oliti%s
1:The amount of effort put into a %ampaign by a wor<er eBpands in proportion to the personal benefits
that he will deri;e from his party's ;i%tory:
>:The %iti"en is influen%ed by prin%iple in dire%t proportion to his distan%e from the politi%al situation:
3alph's 0bser;ation
,t is a mista<e to allow any me%hani%al obEe%t to reali"e that you are in a hurry:
3andolph's Cardinal 1rin%iple of 4tate%raft
/e;er needlessly disturb a thing at rest:
3angne<ar's Modified 3ules Con%erning (e%isions
1:,f you must ma<e a de%ision= delay it:
>:,f you %an authori"e someone else to a;oid a de%ision= do so:
G:,f you %an form a %ommittee= ha;e them a;oid the de%ision:
H:,f you %an otherwise a;oid a de%ision= a;oid it immediately:
3apoport's 3ule of the 3oller@4<ate .ey
Certain items whi%h are %ru%ial to a gi;en a%ti;ity will show up with un%ommon regularity until the
day
when that a%ti;ity is planned= at whi%h point the item in ?uestion will disappear from the fa%e of the
earth:
3as<in's 9ero Law
The more "eros found in the pri%e tag for a go;ernment program= the less Congressional s%rutiny it
will re%ei;e:
Law of 3aspberry -am
The wider any %ulture is spread= the thinner it gets:
3ather's 3ule
,n dealing with the press do yourself a fa;or: 4ti%< with one of three responsesF CaD , <now and , %an
tell you= CbD , <now and , %an't tell you= or C%D , don't <now:
3ayburn's 3ule
,f you want to get along= go along:
3''s *i;e@ Thumbs 1ostulate
EBperien%e ;aries dire%tly with the e?uipment ruined:
3ule of 3eason
,f nobody uses it= there's a reason:
Law of 3egressi;e A%hie;ement
Last year's was always better:
3elati;ity *or Children
Time mo;es slower in a fast mo;ing ;ehi%le:
3epairman's Laws
The probability of arri;ing at the Eob site without a needed tool or with the wrong hardware are
dire%tly proportional with the s?uare of the tra;el distan%e:
Corollary @ 8ou will always ha;e what you need when the Eob is neBt to your shop:
Law of 3eruns
,f you ha;e wat%hed a T5 series only on%e= and you wat%h it again= it will be a rerun of the same
episode:
Law of 3esear%h
Enough resear%h will tend to support your theory:
3esear%hers Law
The %losest library doesn't ha;e the material you need:
Law of 3estaurant A%ousti%s
,n a restaurant with seats whi%h are %lose to ea%h other= one will always find the de%ibel le;el of the
nearest %on;ersation to be in;ersely proportional to the ?uality of the thought going into it:
Law of 3estitution
The time it ta<es to re%tify a situation is in;ersely proportional to the time it too< to do the damage:
EBampleF it ta<es longer to glue a ;ase together than to brea< one:
3e;: Mahaffy's 0bser;ation
There's no su%h thing as a large whis<ey:
Law of 3e;elation
The hidden flaw ne;er remains hidden:
C*yfe'sD *irst Law of 3e;ision
,nformation ne%essitiating a %hange of design will be %on;eyed to the designer after @ and only after
@ the plans are %omplete: C0ften %alled the /ow They Tell $s' LawD
Corollary
,n simple %ases= presenting one ob;ious right way ;ersus one ob;ious wrong way= it is often wiser to
%hoose the wrong way= so as to eBpedite subse?uent re;ision:
C*yfe'sD 4e%ond Law of 3e;ision
The more inno%uous the modifi%ation appears to be= the further its influen%e will eBtend and the
more plans will ha;e to be redrawn:
C*yfe'sD Third Law of 3e;ision
,f= when %ompletion of a design is imminent= field dimensions are finally supplied as they a%tually
are= instead of as they were meant to be= it is always simpler to start o;er from s%rat%h:
Corollary
,t is usually impra%ti%al to worry beforehand about interferen%es @@ if you ha;e none= someone will
ma<e one for you:
C*yfe'sD *ourth Law of 3e;ision
After painsta<ing and %areful analysis of a sample= you are always told that it is the wrong sample
and doesn't apply to the problem:
3e;olutionary Law
The sloppier the rebel uniform= the more li<ely the su%%essful o;erthrow of the eBisting go;ernment:
3i%hard's Complementary 3ules of 0wnership
1:,f you <eep anything long enough you %an throw it away:
>:,f you throw anything away= you will need it as soon as it is no longer a%%essible:
3i%hman's ,ne;itables of 1arenthood
1:Enough is ne;er enough:
>:The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window:
G:'irthday parties always end in tears:
H:6hene;er you de%ide to ta<e the <ids home= it is always fi;e minutes earlier that they brea< into
fights= tears= or hysteria:
3iddle's Constant
There are %oeBisting elements in frustration phenomena whi%h separate eBpe%ted results from
a%hie;ed results:
3iesman's Law
An ineBorable upward mo;ement leads administrators to higher salaries and narrower spans of
%ontrol:
3igg's +ypothesis
,n%ompeten%e tends to in%rease with the le;el of wor< performed: And= naturally= the indi;idual's
staff
needs will in%rease as his le;el of in%ompeten%e in%reases:
Law of 3oad Constru%tion
After large eBpenditures of federal= state= and %ounty fundsA after mu%h %onfusion generated by
detours and road blo%<sA after greatly annoying the surrounding population with noise= dust= and
fumes @@ the pre;iously eBisting traffi% Eam is relo%ated by one@half mile:
3obert Lee's Tru%e
-udgement %omes from eBperien%e: EBperien%e %omes from poor Eudgement:
3obert's Law of 4pa%e 4haring
The odds are JFI that if one has late %lasses= one's roommate will ha;e the earliest possible
%lasses:
3obertson's Law
E;erything happens at the same time with nothing in between:
The 3o%<efeller 1rin%iple
/e;er do anything you wouldn't be %aught be dead doing:
3odo;i%'s 3ule
,n any organi"ation= the potential is mu%h greater for the subordinate to manage his superior than for
the superior to manage his subordinate:
3odrigue"'s 0bser;ation
A %onsultant is someone who= when hired to find out what time it is= borrows your wat%h to find out:
Corollary CMartinD @ ,f you hire a %onsultant to read your own wat%h to you= you got your money's
worth:
3odrigue"'s 0bser;ations 0n Consultants
1:A %onsultant is someone who= when hired to find out what time it is= borrows your wat%h to find out:
>:A %onsultant is a fool with a brief%ase more than two miles from home:
G:Consultants are mysti%al people who as< a %ompany for a number and sell it ba%< to them:
Corollary @ ,f you hire a %onsultant to read your own wat%h to you= you';e gotten your money's
worth:
3oemer's Law
The rate of hospital admissions responds to bed a;ailability: ,f we insist on installing more beds=
they will tend to get filled:
3oger's 3atio
0ne@third of the people in the $nited 4tates promote= while the other two@thirds pro;ide:
3ooster's *irst Law on 4%hool Affairs
The eBam will as< the only topi% you didn't study:
*irst %orollary @ The 'onus 3es%ue ?uestion is harder than the regular ones:
3osenbaum's 3ule
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a repla%ement:
3osenfield's 3egret
The most deli%ate %omponent will be dropped:
3osensto%<@+uessy's Law of Te%hnology
All te%hnology eBpands the spa%e= %ontra%ts the time= and destroys the wor<ing group:
CCharlesD 3oss's Law
/e;er %hara%teri"e the importan%e of a statement in ad;an%e:
CAlD 3oss's Law
'are feet magneti"e sharp metal obEe%ts so they always point upward from the floor @@ espe%ially in
the dar<:
3udin's Law
,n a %risis that for%es a %hoi%e to be made among alternati;e %ourses of a%tion= most people will
%hoose the worse one possible:
The *ifth 3ule
8ou ha;e ta<en yourself too seriously:
3ules of 1ratt
1:,f a se;ere problem manifests itself= no solution is a%%eptable unless it is in;ol;ed= eBpensi;e= and
time %onsuming:
>:4uffi%ient moneys to do the Eob %orre%tly the first time are not a;ailable= howe;er= ample funds are
mu%h easier obtained for repeated re;isions:
3ules regarding *ools
1:,t is impossible to ma<e anything foolproof be%ause fools are so ingenious:
>:The only differen%e between the fool and the %riminal who atta%<s a system is that the fool atta%<s
unpredi%tably and on a broader front:
G:A pipe gi;es a wise man time to thin< and a fool something to sti%< in his mouth:
H:6hene;er a system be%omes %ompletely defined= some damn fool dis%o;ers something whi%h
either abolishes the system or eBpands it beyond re%ognition:
I:'uild a system that only a fool %an use and only a fool will use it:
J:,t is impossible to ma<e anything foolproof be%ause fools are so ingenious:
7:/e;er argue with a fool: 1eople might not <now the differen%e:
K:Any fool %an ma<e a rule= and e;ery fool will mind it:
9:There are four <inds of peopleF those who sit ?uietly and do nothing= those who tal< about sitting
?uietly and doing nothing= those who do things= and those who tal< about doing things:
1L:*ools rush in where fools ha;e been before:
11:The only differen%e between the fool and the %riminal who atta%<s a system is that the fool atta%<s
unpredi%tably and on a broader front:
1>:A fool in a high station is li<e a man on the top of a small mountainF e;erything appears small to
him
and he appears small to e;erybody:
3unamo<'s Law
There are four <inds of peopleF those who sit ?uietly and do nothing= those who tal< about sitting
?uietly and doing nothing= those who do things= and those who tal< about doing things:
3une's 3ule
,f you don't %are where you are= you ain't lost:
3unyon's Law
The ra%e is not always to the swift= nor the battle to the strong= but that's the way to bet:
*irst 3ule of 3ural Me%hani%s
,f it wor<s= don't fiB it:
3yan's Appli%ation of 1ar<inson's Law
1ossessions in%rease to fill the spa%e a;ailable for their storage:
3yan's Law
Ma<e three %orre%t guesses %onse%uti;ely and you will establish yourself as an eBpert:
4
4adat's 3eminder
Those who in;ented the law of supply and demand ha;e no right to %omplain when this law wor<s
against their interest:
4afeway 1rin%iples
The bag that brea<s is the one with the eggs:
4alary ABiom
The pay raise is Eust large enough to in%rease your taBes and Eust small enough to ha;e no effe%t on
your ta<e@home pay:
4am 4li%<'s 4ophism
The number of salesmen that will %all on you on any gi;en day will be dire%tly proportional to the
amount and urgen%y of the wor< you ha;e to get done:
Corollary @ /one of them will be selling anything you want:
4am's ABioms
1:Any line= howe;er short= is still too long:
>:6or< is the %rabgrass of life= but money is the water that <eeps it green:
4amuels 1ostulate
/e;er offend people with style when you %an offend them with substan%e:
4attinger's Law
,t wor<s better if you plug it in:
4attler's Law
There are G> points to the %ompass= meaning that there are G> dire%tions in whi%h a spoon %an
s?uirt grapefruitA yet= the Eui%e almost in;ariably flies straight into the human eye:
4attlinger's Law
,t wor<s better if you plug it in:
4aunders's (is%o;ery
La"iness is the mother of nine in;entions out of ten:
The 4ausage 1rin%iple
1eople who lo;e sausage and respe%t the law should ne;er wat%h either one being made:
4ayre's Third Law of 1oliti%s
A%ademi% politi%s is the most ;i%ious and bitter form of politi%s= be%ause the sta<es are so low:
4%hen<'s *irst 1rin%iple of ,ndustrial Mar<et E%onomi%s
ood salesmen and good repairmen will ne;er go hungry:
4%hi%<el's T5 Theorems
1:Any dramati% series the produ%ers want us to ta<e seriously as a representation of %ontemporary
reality %annot be ta<en seriously as a representation of anything @@ eB%ept a show to be ignored by
anyone %apable of sitting upright in a %hair and %hewing gum simultaneously:
>:The only programs a grown@up %an possibly stand are those intended for %hildren: 0r= more
properly= those that %ater to those pre@adoles%ent fantasies that most ha;e ne;er abandoned:
4%hmidt's Law
/e;er eat prunes when you're hungry:
4%hmidt's Law Cprobably a different 4%hmidtD
,f you mess with something long enough= it'll brea<:
4%hmidt's 0bser;ation
All things being e?ual= a fat person uses more soap than a thin person:
4%hmidt's 0bser;ations
/e;er eat prunes when you're hungry: All things being e?ual= a fat person uses more soap than a
thin person:
4%hu%<it's Law
All interferen%e in human %ondu%t has the potential for %ausing harm= no matter how inno%uous the
pro%edure may be:
4%hult"e's Law
,f you %an't measure output= then you measure input:
4%humpeter's 0bser;ation of 4%ientifi% and /ons%ientifi% Theories
Any theory %an be made to fit any fa%ts by means of appropriate additional assumptions:
*irst Law of 4%ien%e
8ou %an obser;e a lot Eust by wat%hing:
3ule of 4%ientifi% Endea;or
The simple eBplanation always follows the %ompleB solution:
4%ott's *irst Law
/o matter what goes wrong= it will probably loo< right:
4%ott's 4e%ond Law
6hen an error has been dete%ted and %orre%ted= it will be found to ha;e been %orre%t in the first
pla%e:
Corollary @ After the %orre%tion has been found in error= it will be impossible to fit the original
?uantity ba%< into the e?uation:
4%rewdri;er 4yndrome
4ometimes= where a %ompleB problem %an be illuminated by many tools= one %an be forgi;en for
applying the one he <nows best:
4ear%hers Laws
1:8ou %an always find what you're not loo<ing for:
>:,f a lost thing is found= something else will disappear:
G:,f you file it= you'll <now where it is but ne;er need it: ,f you don't file it= you'll need it but ne;er
<now
where it is:
H:The first pla%e to loo< for anything is the last pla%e you would eBpe%t to find it:
I:8ou will always find what you ha;e lost in the last pla%e you loo< for it:
Law of 4e%re%y
The best way to publi%i"e a go;ernmental or politi%al a%tion is to attempt to hide it:
4egal's Law
A man with one wat%h <nows what time it isA a man with two wat%hes is ne;er sure:
Law of 4ele%ti;e ra;ity Cthe 'uttered 4ide (own LawD
An obEe%t will fall so as to do the most damage:
Corollary C.lipsteinD @ The most deli%ate %omponent will be the one to drop:
'y the way@ what happends if you glue the bread with the buttered side up to a %at's ba%< and drop
it@ will the %at float in the airR or ;anishR
-enning's Corollary to the Law of 4ele%ti;e ra;ity
The %han%e of the bread falling with the buttered side down is dire%tly proportional to the %ost of the
%arpet:
4ells's Law
The first sample is always the best:
4e;areid's Law
The %hief %ause of problems is solutions:
4eymour's 1rin%iple of ,n;estment
/e;er in;est in anything that eats:
4haffer's Law
The effe%ti;eness of a politi%ian ;aries in in;erse proportion to his %ommitment to prin%iple:
4halit's Law
The intensity of mo;ie publi%ity is in in;erse ratio to the ?uality of the mo;ie:
4hanahan's Law C0'+anahan's LawD
The length of a meeting rises with the s?uare of the number of people present:
4har<ey's *ourth Law of Motion
1assengers on ele;ators %onstantly rearrange their positions as people get on and off so there is at
all times an e?ual distan%e between all bodies:
4haw's Laws of Meetings
1:,n any dealings with a %olle%ti;e body of people= the people will always be more ta%<y than
originally
eBpe%ted:
>:The person with the least eBpertise has the most opinions:
G:Those most opposed to ser;ing on %ommittees are made %hairmen:
4haw's 1rin%iple
'uild a system that e;en a fool %an use= and only a fool will want to use it:
4helton's Laws of 1o%<et Cal%ulators
1:3e%hargeable batteries die at the most %riti%al time of the most %ompleB problem:
>:6hen a re%hargeable battery starts to die in the middle of a %ompleB %al%ulation= and the user
attempts to %onne%t house %urrent= the %al%ulator will %lear itself:
G:The final answer will eB%eed the magnitude or pre%ision or both of the %al%ulator:
H:There are not enough storage registers to sol;e the problem:
I:The user will forget mathemati%s in proportion to the %ompleBity of the %al%ulator:
J:Thermal paper will run out before the %al%ulation is %omplete:
4hirley's Law
Most people deser;e ea%h other: *orgi;e and remember:
4hort's 2uotations
1:Any great truth %an @@ and e;entually will @@ be eBpressed as a %li%he: A %li%he is a sure and %ertain
way to dilute an idea: *or instan%e= my grandmother used to say= MThe bla%< %at is always the last
one off the fen%e:M , ha;e no idea what she meant= but at one time it was undoubtedly true:
>:+alf of being smart is <nowing what you're dumb at:
G:Malpra%ti%e ma<es malperfe%t:
H:/eurosis is a %ommuni%able disease:
I:The only winner in the 6ar of 1K1> was T%hai<o;s<y:
J:/ature abhors a hero: *or one thing= he ;iolates the law of %onser;ation of energy: *or another= how
%an it be the sur;i;al of the fittest when the fittest <eeps putting himself in situations where he is
most li<ely to be %reamedR
7:A little ignoran%e %an go a long way:
K:Learn to be sin%ere: E;en if you ha;e to fa<e it:
9:There is no su%h thing as an absolute truth @@ that is absolutely true:
1L:$nderstanding the laws of nature does not mean we are free from obeying them:
11:Entropy has us outnumbered:
1>:The human ra%e ne;er sol;es any of its problems @@ it only outli;es them:
1G:+ell hath no fury li<e a pa%ifist:
4immon's Law
The desire for ra%ial integration in%reases with the s?uare of the distan%e from the a%tual e;ent:
4imon's Law
E;erything put together sooner or later falls apart:
4inner's Law of 3etaliation
(o whate;er your enemies don't want you to do:
4ir 6alter's Law
The tenden%y of smo<e from a %igarette= barbe%ue= %ampfire= et%:= To drift into a persons fa%e is
dire%tly proportional with that persons sensiti;ity to smo<e:
4<inner's Constant C*lannegan's *inagling *a%torD
That ?uantity whi%h= when multiplied by= di;ided into= added to= or subtra%ted from the answer you
got= gi;es you the answer you should ha;e gotten:
4<ole's 3ule for Anti?ue (ealers
/e;er simply say= M4orry= we don't ha;e what you're loo<ing for:M Always say= MToo bad= , Eust sold
one the other day:M
4<ydi;ers' Law of +esitation
+e who hesitates shall inherit the earth:
Law of 4lide 1resentation
,n any slide presentation= at least one slide will be upside down or ba%<wards= or both:
4mith's 1rin%iples of 'ureau%rati% Tin<ertoys
1:/e;er use one word when a do"en will suffi%e:
>:,f it %an be understood= it's not finished yet:
G:/e;er be the first to do anything:
4nafu E?uations
1:i;en any problem %ontaining n e?uations= there will be nW1 un<nowns:
>:An obEe%t or bit of information most needed= will be least a;ailable:
G:,n any human endea;or= on%e you ha;e eBhausted all possibilities and fail= there will be one solution=
simple and ob;ious= highly ;isible to e;eryone else:
H:'adness %omes in wa;es:
4nafu E?uation /o: J
'adness %omes in wa;es:
*irst Law of 4o%io@E%onomi%s
,n a hierar%hi%al system= the rate of pay for a gi;en tas< in%reases in in;erse ratio to the
unpleasantness and diffi%ulty of the tas<:
*irst Law of 4o%io@eneti%s
Celiba%y is not hereditary:
4o%iology's ,ron Law of 0ligar%hy
,n e;ery organi"ed a%ti;ity= no matter the sphere= a small number will be%ome the oligar%hi%al
leaders and the others will follow:
4odd's *irst Law
6hen a person attempts a tas<= he or she will be thwarted in that tas< by the un%ons%ious
inter;ention of some other presen%e Canimate or inanimateD: /e;ertheless= some tas<s are
%ompleted= sin%e the inter;ening presen%e is itself attempting a tas< and is= of %ourse= subEe%t to
interferen%e:
4odd's 4e%ond Law
4ooner or later= the worst possible set of %ir%umstan%es is bound to o%%ur:
Corollary @ Any system must be designed to withstand the worst possible set of %ir%umstan%es:
4odd's 0ther Law
The degree of failure is in dire%t proportion to the effort eBpended and to the need for su%%ess:
Law of 4pa%e And Time
The uni;erse is not only weirder than we suppose: ,t's weirder than we %an suppose:
The 4pare 1arts 1rin%iple
The a%%essibility= during re%o;ery= of small parts whi%h fall from the wor< ben%h= ;aries dire%tly with
the si"e of the part= and in;ersely with its importan%e to the %ompletion of the wor< underway:
4par<'s /ine 3ules for the 1roEe%t Manager
1:4tri;e to loo< tremendously important:
>:Attempt to be seen with important people: 4pea< with authorityA howe;er= only eBpound on the
ob;ious and pro;en fa%ts:
G:(on't engage in arguments= but if %ornered= as< an irrele;ant ?uestion and lean ba%< with a
satisfied grin while your opponent tries to figure out what's going on @@ then ?ui%<ly %hange the
subEe%t:
H:Listen intently while others are arguing the problem: 1oun%e on a trite statement and bury them with
it:
I:,f a subordinate as<s you a pertinent ?uestion= loo< at him as if he had lost his senses: 6hen he
loo<s down= paraphrase the ?uestion ba%< at him:
J:0btain a brilliant assignment= but <eep out of sight and out of the limelight:
7:6al< at a fast pa%e when out of the offi%e @@ this <eeps ?uestions from subordinates and superiors
at a minimum:
K:Always <eep the offi%e door %losed: This puts ;isitors on the defensi;e and also ma<es it loo< as if
you are always in an important %onferen%e:
9:i;e all orders ;erbally: /e;er write anything down that might go into M1earl +arbor *ile:M
4par<'s Ten 3ules for the 1roEe%t Manager
1:4tri;e to loo< tremendously important:
>:Attempt to be seen with important people:
G:4pea< with authorityA howe;er= only eBpound on the ob;ious and pro;en fa%ts:
H:(on't engage in arguments= but if %ornered= as< an irrele;ant ?uestion and lean ba%< with a
satisfied grin while your opponent tries to figure out what's going on @@ then ?ui%<ly %hange the
subEe%t:
I:Listen intently while others are arguing the problem: 1oun%e on a trite statement and bury them with
it:
J:,f a subordinate as<s you a pertinent ?uestion= loo< at him as if he had lost his senses: 6hen he
loo<s down= paraphrase the ?uestion ba%< at him:
7:0btain a brilliant assignment= but <eep out of sight and out of the limelight:
K:6al< at a fast pa%e when out of the offi%e @@ this <eeps ?uestions from subordinates and superiors
at a minimum:
9:Always <eep the offi%e door %losed: This puts ;isitors on the defensi;e and also ma<es it loo< as if
you are always in an important %onferen%e:
1L:i;e all orders ;erbally: /e;er write anything down that might go into a M1earl +arbor *ile:M
4pe%ht's Meta@Law
$nder any %onditions= anywhere= whate;er you are doing= there is some ordinan%e under whi%h you
%an be boo<ed:
4port Car Laws
1:,f you dri;e an eBpensi;e sport %ar and par< it in a %orner of the par<ing lot far from the entran%e=
when you return the only other %ar in the par<ing lot will be par<ed neBt to yours and your %ar will
ha;e a new dent in the door:
>:The little old lady who Eust ran her shopping %art into the door of your new 1ors%he will in;ariably
say
Mit's Eust a teeny dent=M or Mafter all= it's only a %ar:M
Law of 4ports Contra%ts
The more money the free agent signs for= the less effe%ti;e he is the following season:
4prin<le's Law
Things always fall at right angles:
4tamp's 4tatisti%al 1robability
The go;ernment is eBtremely fond of amassing great ?uantities of statisti%s: These are raised to the
nth degree= the %ube roots are eBtra%ted= and the results are arranged into elaborate and
impressi;e displays: 6hat must be <ept e;er in mind= howe;er= is that in e;ery %ase= the figures are
first put down by a ;illage wat%hman= and he puts down anything he damn well pleases:
4tanley's Law of Ta<ing Things Apart
6hen putting things ba%< together again= there will always be at least one pie%e left o;er that will not
fit anywhere:
4tanley's Laws of *at
*at eBpands to fill any apparel worn:
Law of 4tatus
.eep $p 6ith The *let%her's: 8ou'll /e;er Ma<e Enough To .eep $p 6ith The -ones's:
4teele's 1lagiarism of 4omebody's 1hilosophy
E;eryone should belie;e in something @@ , belie;e ,'ll ha;e another drin<:
4tein's Law of Cards
/e;er play 1o<er with a player named (o% or A%e:
4tein's MaBim
The fa%t that you do not <now the answer does not mean that someone else does:
4teinbe%<'s Law
6hen you need towns= they are ;ery far apart:
4tenton's Law CConrad's ConundrumD
Te%hnology don't transfer:
4tephens's 4olilo?uy
*inality is death: 1erfe%tion is finality: /othing is perfe%t: There are lumps in it:
4tewart's Law of 3etroa%tion
,t is easier to get forgi;eness than permission:
4to%< Mar<et ABiom
The publi% is always wrong:
4to%<'s 0bser;ation
8ou no sooner get your head abo;e water than someone pulls your flippers off:
4to%<bro<er's (e%laration
The mar<et will rally from this or lower le;els:
4to%<mayer's Theorem
,f it loo<s easy= it's tough: ,f it loo<s tough= it's damn near impossible:
4tone's Law
,f you miss one issue of any maga"ine= it will be the issue whi%h %ontained the arti%le or story or
installment you were most anBious to read:
4treet's Laws of Mail 0rder
1:,f you don't write to %omplain you'll ne;er re%ei;e the order:
>:,f you do write to %omplain= you'll re%ei;e the mer%handise before your angry letter rea%hes the
%ompany:
G:The most important item in an order will be ba%< ordered:
4turgeon's Law
/inety per%ent of E5E38T+,/ is %rud:
-ones' browsing addendum to 4turgeon's Law
0f the ten per%ent= ninety per%ent are reprints:
4ue<er's /ote
,f you need n items of anything= you will ha;e n @ 1 in sto%<:
4uhor's Law
A little ambiguity ne;er hurt anyone:
Law of 4uperiority
The first eBample of superior prin%iple is always inferior to the de;eloped eBample of inferior
prin%iple:
Law of 4upermar<ets
The item you wanted to pri%e %ompare with other items is not pri%ed:
Law of 4uperstition
,t's bad lu%< to be superstititious:
4ur;i;al *ormula for 1ubli% 0ffi%e
1:EBploit the ine;itable Cwhi%h means= ta<e %redit for anything good whi%h happens whether you had
anything to do with it or notD:
>:(on't disturb the perimeter Cmeaning don't stir up a mess unless you %an be sure of the resultD:
G:4tay in with the 0uts Cthe ,ns will ma<e so many mista<es= you %an't afford to alienate the 0utsD:
H:(on't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost:
4utton's Law
o where the money is:
4weeney's Law
The length of a progress report is in;ersely proportional to the amount of progress:
4wipple's 3ule of 0rder
+e who shouts loudest has the floor:
T
TaBi 1rin%iple
*ind out the %ost before you get in:
Law of Teenage 0pportunity
6hen opportunity <no%<s= you';e got headphones on:
Law of Tele;ision
,f you ha;e only wat%hed a T5 series on%e= and you wat%h it again= it will be a rerun of the same
episode:
Terman's Law
There is no dire%t relationship between the ?uality of an edu%ational program and its %ost:
Terman's Law of ,nno;ation
,f you want a tra%< team to win the high Eump you find one person who %an Eump se;en feet= not
se;en people who %an Eump one foot:
Tesla%le's (e;iant to *udd's Law
,t goes in @@ it must %ome out:
Them what has @@ gets: 6a<efield's 3efutation of the ,ron Law of (istribution
Them what gets @@ has:
Theory of organi"ational de;ian%e
E;ery organi"ation has an allotted number of positions to be filled by in%ompetents:
Theory of the ,nternational 4o%iety of 1hilosophi% Engineering
1:,n any %al%ulation= any error whi%h %an %reep in will do so:
>:Any error in any %al%ulation will be in the dire%tion of most harm:
G:,n any formula= %onstants Cespe%ially those obtained from engineering handboo<sD are to be treated
as ;ariables:
H:The best approBimation of ser;i%e %onditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those
%onditions en%ountered in a%tual ser;i%e:
I:The most ;ital dimension on any plan or drawing stands the greatest %han%e of being omitted:
J:,f only one bid %an be se%ured on any proEe%t= the pri%e will be unreasonable:
7:,f a test installation fun%tions perfe%tly= all subse?uent produ%tion units will malfun%tion:
K:All deli;ery promises must be multiplied by a fa%tor of >:L:
9:MaEor %hanges in %onstru%tion will always be re?uested after fabri%ation is nearly %ompleted:
1L:1arts that positi;ely %annot be assembled in improper order will be:
11:,nter%hangeable parts won't:
1>:Manufa%turer's spe%ifi%ations of performan%e should be multiplied by a fa%tor of L:I:
1G:4alespeople's %laims for performan%e should be multiplied by a fa%tor of L:>I:
1H:,nstallation and 0perating ,nstru%tions shipped with the de;i%e will be promptly dis%arded by the
3e%ei;ing (epartment:
1I:Any de;i%e re?uiring ser;i%e or adEustment will be least a%%essible:
1J:4er;i%e Conditions as gi;en on spe%ifi%ations will be eB%eeded:
17:,f more than one person is responsible for a mis%al%ulation= no one will be at fault:
1K:,denti%al units whi%h test in an identi%al fashion will not beha;e in an identi%al fashion in the field:
19:,f= in engineering pra%ti%e= a safety fa%tor is set through ser;i%e eBperien%e at an ultimate ;alue= an
ingenious idiot will promptly %al%ulate a method to eB%eed said safety fa%tor:
>L:6arranty and guarantee %lauses are ;oided by payment of the in;oi%e:
Therapist's 0bser;ation
,t's easy to %riti%i"e paranoid people= but if e;erybody hated you= you'd be paranoid too:
*ourth Law of Thermodynami%s
,f the probability of su%%ess is not almost one= then it is damned near "ero:
Thin<ing Man's Tautology
,f you thin< you're wrong= you're wrong:
Corollary @ ,f you thin< you're wrong= you're right:
Thomas's Law of Consumerism
1:A one year warranty guarantees that the produ%t will self@destru%t on the GJJth day:
>:All warranties eBpire upon payment of in;oi%e:
G:The negati;e MConsumer 3eportM on the item you want to buy will %ome out one wee< after you';e
pur%hased it:
Thoreau's Law
,f you see a man approa%hing you with the ob;ious intention of doing you good= you should run for
your life:
Thoreau's 3ule
Any fool %an ma<e a rule= and e;ery fool will mind it:
Thoughts on Management
,f e;eryone disli<es it= it must be loo<ed into: ,f e;eryone li<es it= it must be loo<ed into:
Thoughts on 1rogramming= /umber I>
The user does not <now what he wants until he sees what he gets:
The Three Laws of 3oboti%s
1:A robot may not inEure a human being or= through ina%tion= allow a human being to %ome to harm:
>:A robot must obey the orders gi;en it by human beings eB%ept where su%h orders would %onfli%t
with
the *irst Law:
G:A robot must prote%t its own eBisten%e as long as su%h prote%tion does not %onfli%t with the *irst or
4e%ond Laws:
Three Lies A%%ording to 1layboy
1:The %he%<'s in the mail:
>:Anti%ipation is half the fun:
G:, promise , won't %ome in your mouth:
+are's Additional Lie
This will hurt me more than it hurts you:
Lowry's Additional Lie
,';e ne;er done this before:
Thurber's Con%lusion
There is no safety in numbers= or in anything else:
Thwart"'s Theorem of Low 1rofile
/egati;e eBpe%tation thwarts reali"ation= and self@%ongratulation guarantees disaster: C0r= simply
putF ,f you thin< of it= it won't happen ?uite that way:D
Thyme's Law
E;erything goes wrong at on%e:
Time 0bser;ation
ood times end too ?ui%<ly: 'ad times go on fore;er:
Tin<er's Law
/ature abhors people:
Tipper's Law
Those who eBpe%t the biggest tips pro;ide the worst ser;i%e:
Titani% Coin%iden%e
Most a%%idents in well@designed systems in;ol;e two or more e;ents of low probability o%%urring in
the worst possible %ombination:
Titani%s enerali"ed ,%eberg Theorem
4e;en@eighths of e;erything %an't be seen:
Todd's 1oliti%al 1rin%iples
1:/o matter what they're telling you they're not telling you the whole truth:
>:/o matter what they're tal<ing about= they're tal<ing about money:
G:The length of time it ta<es a bill to pass through the legislature is in in;erse proportion to the number
of lobbying groups fa;oring it:
H:/o politi%ian tal<s about taBes during an ele%tion year:
I:Truth ;aries:
Law of the Too 4olid oof
,n any %olle%tion of data= the figures that are ob;iously %orre%t beyond all need of %he%<ing %ontain
the errors:
Corollary 1F /o one you as< for help will see the error either:
Corollary>F Any nagging intruder= who
Tor?uemada's Law
6hen you are sure you're right= you ha;e a moral duty to impose your will upon anyone who
disagrees with you:
Trans%ription 4?uare Law
The number of errors made is e?ual to the sum of the s?uares employed:
*irst Law of Tra;el
/o matter how many rooms there are in the motel= the fellow who starts up his %ar at fi;e o'%lo%< in
the morning is always par<ed under your window:
Tra;el ABiom
+e tra;els fastest who tra;els alone::: but he hasn't anything to do when he gets there:
Trial Lawyer's (ilemma
8ou %an't guard against the arbitrary:
Tris%hmann's 1aradoB CABiom of the 1ipeD
A pipe gi;es a wise man time to thin< and a fool something to sti%< in his mouth:
Law of Tri;iality
The time spent on any item of the agenda will be in in;erse proportion to the sum in;ol;ed:
Troutman's Laws of Computer 1rogramming Cand see 1e%<'s 1rogramming 1ostulatesD
1:Any running program is obsolete:
>:Any planned program %osts more and ta<es longer:
G:Any useful program will ha;e to be %hanged:
H:Any useless program will ha;e to be do%umented:
I:Any program will eBpand to fill a;ailable memory:
Andi's Addendum @ And beyond:
J:The si"e of a program eBpands to fill all a;ailable memory:
7:The ;alue of a program is in;ersely proportional to the weight of its output:
K:The %ompleBity of a program grows until it eB%eeds the %apability of its maintainers:
9:Any system that relies on %omputer reliability is unreliable:
1L:Any system that relies on human reliability is unreliable:
11:Ma<e it possible for programmers to write programs in English= and you will find that programmers
%annot write in English:
1>:1rofanity is the one language all programmers <now best:
Troutman's 1rogramming 1ostulates
1:,f a test installation fun%tions perfe%tly= all subse?uent systems will malfun%tion:
>:/ot until a program has been in produ%tion for at least siB months will the most harmful error be
dis%o;ered:
G:-ob %ontrol %ards that positi;ely %annot be arranged in proper order will be:
H:,nter%hangeable tapes won't:
I:,f the input editor has been designed to reEe%t all bad input= an ingenious idiot will dis%o;er a method
to get bad data past it:
Truman's Law
,f you %annot %on;in%e them= %onfuse them:
Trump's 2uir< of +uman /ature
/obody lo;es a winner who wins all the time:
Truths of Management
1:Thin< before you a%tA it's not your money:
>:All good management is the eBpression of one great idea:
G:/o eBe%uti;e de;otes effort to pro;ing himself wrong:
H:Cash in must eB%eed %ash out:
I:Management %apability is always less than the organi"ation a%tually needs:
Truth I:1 of ManagementF 0rgani"ations always ha;e too many managers:
J:Either an eBe%uti;e %an do his Eob or he %an't:
7:,f sophisti%ated %al%ulations are needed to Eustify an a%tion= don't do it:
K:,f you are doing something wrong= you will do it badly:
9:,f you are attempting the impossible= you will fail:
1L:The easiest way of ma<ing money is to stop losing it:
Tu%%ille's *irst Law of 3eality
,ndustry always mo;es in to fill an e%onomi% ;a%uum:
Turnau%<as's 0bser;ation
To err is humanA to really foul things up ta<es a %omputer:
Turner's Law
/early all prophe%ies made in publi% are wrong:
Twain's 3ule
0nly <ings= editors= and people with tapeworm ha;e the right to use the editorial MweM:
Tyl<'s Law
Assumption is the mother of all foul@ups:
$
$bell's Law of 1ress Lun%heons
At any publi% relations lun%heon= the ?uality of the food is in;ersely related to the ?uality of the
information:
$hlmann's 3a"or
6hen stupidity is a suffi%ient eBplanation= there is no need to ha;e re%ourse to any other:
Corollary CLaw of +istori%al CausationD @ ,t seemed li<e the thing to do at the time:M
The $ltimate Law
All general statements are false:
The $ltimate 1rin%iple
'y definition= when you are in;estigating the un<nown= you do not <now what you will find:
The $ltimate 6isdom
1hilosophers must ultimately find their true perfe%tion in <nowing all the follies of man<ind by
introspe%tion:
$mbrella Law
8ou will need three umbrellasF one to lea;e at the offi%e= one to lea;e at home= and one to lea;e on
the train:
The $nappli%able Law
6ashing your %ar to ma<e it rain doesn't wor<:
$ni;ersal *ield Theory of 1er;ersity CMule's LawD
The probability of an e;ent's o%%urring ;aries dire%tly with the per;ersity of the inanimate obEe%t
in;ol;ed and in;ersely with the produ%t of its desirability and the effort eBpended to produ%e it:
$ni;ersal Law
Anything that begins well ends badly: Anything that begins badly ends worse:
$nnamed Law
,f it happens= it must be possible:
The $nspea<able Law
As soon as you mention something= if it's good= it goes awayA if it's bad= it happens:
5
5ail's ABiom
,n any human enterprise= wor< see<s the lowest hierar%hi%al le;el:
5an 3oy's Law
An unbrea<able toy is useful for brea<ing other toys:
5an%e's 3ule of > 1U>
Any military proEe%t will ta<e twi%e as long as planned= %ost twi%e as mu%h= and produ%e only half of
what is wanted:
Law of 5erti%al Transportation
,n a three story building ser;ed by one ele;ator= the ele;ator %ar will be on a floor where you are not:
5i?ue's Law
A man without religion is li<e a fish without a bi%y%le:
5on 'raun's Law of ra;ity
6e %an li%< gra;ity= but sometimes the paperwor< is o;erwhelming:
5on +elsing's Theorem
,f at first you don't su%%eed= s<ydi;ing is not for you:
5onnegut's Corollary
'eauty may be only s<in deep= but ugliness goes right to the %ore:
6
6addell's Law of E?uipment *ailure
A %omponent's degree of reliability is dire%tly proportional to its ease of a%%essibility Ci:e:= the
harder it is to get to= the more often it brea<s downD:
6affle's Law
A professor's enthusiasm for tea%hing the introdu%tory %ourse ;aries in;ersely with the li<elihood of
his ha;ing to do it:
6ain's Con%lusion
The only people ma<ing money these days are the ones who sell %omputer paper:
6a<efield's 3efutation of the ,ron Law of (istribution
Them what gets= has:
6aldo's 0bser;ation
0ne man's red tape is another man's system:
6alins<y's *irst Law of 1oliti%al Campaigns
,f there are twel;e %lowns in a ring= you %an Eump in the middle and start re%iting 4ha<espeare= but to
the audien%e= you'll Eust be the thirteenth %lown:
6alins<y's Law
The intelligen%e of any dis%ussion diminishes with the s?uare of the number of parti%ipants:
6al<er's Law
Asso%iate with well@mannered persons and your manners will impro;e: 3un with de%ent fol< and
your own de%ent instin%ts will be strengthened: .eep the %ompany of bums and you will be%ome a
bum: +ang around with ri%h people and you will end by pi%<ing up the %he%< and dying bro<e:
6alla%e's 0bser;ation
E;erything is in a state of utter dishe;elment:
6alters's Law of Management
,f you're already in a hole= there's no use to %ontinue digging:
6ashington's Law
4pa%e eBpands to house the people to perform the wor< that Congress %reates:
The 6atergate 1rin%iple
o;ernment %orruption is always reported in the past tense:
6atson's Law
The reliability of ma%hinery is in;ersely proportional to the number and signifi%an%e of any persons
wat%hing it:
6atson's Law of Cleaning
,f you start to %lean your des< in the spare bedroom you will probably ha;e to %lean the garage to
find what you need to finish %leaning the des<:
3ule of the 6ay 0ut
Always lea;e room to add an eBplanation if it doesn't wor< out:
Law of 6ealth
5i%tory goes to the %andidate with the most a%%umulated or %ontributed wealth who has the finan%ial
resour%es to %on;in%e the middle %lass and poor that he will be on their side:
6ea;er's Law
6hen se;eral reporters share a %ab on an assignment= the reporter in the front seat pays for all:
Corollary C0'(oyleD @ /o matter how many reporters share a %ab= and no matter who pays= ea%h
puts the full fare on his own eBpense a%%ount:
Corollary CermondD @ 6hen a group of newsmen go out to dinner together= the bill is to be
di;ided e;enly among them= regardless of what ea%h one eats and drin<s:
6eber@*e%hner Law
The least %hange in stimulus ne%essary to produ%e a per%eptible %hange in response is
proportional to the stimulus already eBisting:
6eidner's 2ueries
1:The tide %omes in and the tide goes out= and what ha;e you gotR
>:They say an elephant ne;er forgets= but what's he got to rememberR
6eiler's Law
/othing is impossible for the man who doesn't ha;e to do it himself:
6einberg's *irst Law
1rogress is made on alternate *ridays:
6einberg's 4e%ond Law
,f builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs= then the first woodpe%<er that %ame
along would destroy %i;ili"ation:
Corollary @ An eBpert is a person who a;oids the small errors while sweeping on to the rand
*alla%y:
6einer's Law of Libraries
There are no answers= only %ross referen%es:
6eisman's Law of EBaminations
,f you're %onfident after you';e Eust finished an eBam= it's be%ause you don't <now enough to <now
better:
6ells's Law
A parade should ha;e bands 03 horses= not both:
6es<imen's Law
There's ne;er time to do it right= but there is always time to d it o;er:
6estheimer's Law
A few months in the laboratory %an sa;e a few hours in the library:
6estheimer's 3ule
To estimate the time it ta<es to do a tas< estimate the time you thin< it should ta<e= multiply by two
and %hange the unit of the measure to the neBt highest unit: Thus= we allo%ate two days for a one
hour tas<:
6ethern's Law
Assumption is the mother of all s%rew@ups:
The 6hispered 3ule
1eople will belie;e anything if you whisper it:
6hite *lag 1rin%iple
A military disaster may produ%e a better postwar situation than ;i%tory:
6hite's Chappa?uiddi%< Theorem
The sooner and in more detail you announ%e bad news= the better:
6hite's 0bser;ations of Committee 0peration
1:1eople ;ery rarely thin< in groupsA they tal< together= they eB%hange information= they adEudi%ate=
they ma<e %ompromises: 'ut they do not thin<A they do not %reate:
>:A really new idea affronts %urrent agreement:
G:A meeting %annot be produ%ti;e unless %ertain premises are so shared that they do not need to be
dis%ussed= and the argument %an be %onfined to areas of disagreement: 'ut while this <ind of
%onsensus ma<es a group more effe%ti;e in its legitimate fun%tions= it does not ma<e the group a
%reati;e ;ehi%le @@ it would not be a new idea if it didn't @@ and the group= impelled as it is to agree= is
instin%ti;ely hostile to that whi%h is di;isi;e:
6hite's 4tatement
(on't lose heart:::
0wen's Comment on 6hite's 4tatementF ::: they might want to %ut it out:::
'yrd's Addition to 0wen's Comment on 6hite's 4tatementF ::: and they want to a;oid a
lengthy sear%h:
6hitehead's Law
The ob;ious answer is always o;erloo<ed:
6hole 1i%ture 1rin%iple
3esear%h s%ientists are so wrapped up in their own narrow endea;ors that they %annot possibly see
the whole pi%ture of anything= in%luding their own resear%h:
Corollary @ The (ire%tor of 3esear%h should <now as little as possible about the spe%ifi% subEe%t of
resear%h he is administering:
6i%<er's Law
o;ernment eBpands to absorb re;enue= and then some:
6il%oB's Law
A pat on the ba%< is only a few %entimeters from a <i%< in the pants:
6ill's 3ule of ,nformed Citi"enship
,f you want to understand your go;ernment= don't begin by reading the Constitution: C,t %on;eys
pre%ious little of the fla;or of today's state%raft:D ,nstead read sele%ted portions of the 6ashington
telephone dire%tory %ontaining listings for all the organi"ations with titles beginning with the word
M/ationalM:
6illiams and +olland's Law
,f enough data is %olle%ted= anything may be pro;en by statisti%al methods:
6illie 'rown's 1rin%iple
1eople who lo;e sausage and respe%t the law should ne;er wat%h either one being made:
6ilson's Law of (emographi%s
The publi% is not made up of people who get their names in the newspapers:
The *irst Law of 6ing 6al<ing
/e;er let hold of what you';e got until you';e got hold of something else:
*irst Law of 6ing@6al<ing
/e;er lea;e hold of what you';e got until you';e got hold of something else:
6ingo's ABiom
All *inagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing without thin<ing:
Law of 6isdom
6isdom is %onsidered a sign of wea<ness by the powerful be%ause a wise man %an lead without
power but only a powerful man %an lead without wisdom:
6itten's Law
6hene;er you %ut your fingernails= you will find a need for them an hour later:
6ober's 4/,(E 3ule C4atisfied /eeds ,n%ite (emand EB%essesD
,deal goals grow faster than the means of attaining new goals allow:
6olf's Law CAn 0ptimisti% 5iew of a 1essimisti% 6orldD
,t isn't that things will ne%essarily go wrong CMurphy's LawD= but rather that they will ta<e so mu%h
more time and effort than you thin< if they are not to go wrong:
6olf's Law of (e%ision@Ma<ing
MaEor a%tions are rarely de%ided by more than four people: ,f you thin< a larger meeting you're
attending is really Mhammering outM a de%ision= you're probably wrong: Either the de%ision was
agreed to by a smaller group before the meeting began= or the out%ome of the larger meeting will be
modified later when three or four people get together:
6olf's Law of +istory Lessons
Those who don't study the past will repeat its errors: Those who do study it will find 0T+E3 ways to
err:
6olf's Law of Management
The tas<s to do immediately are the minor onesA otherwise= you'll forget them: The maEor ones are
often better to defer: They usually need more time for refle%tion: 'esides= if you forget them= they'll
remind you:
6olf's Law of Meetings
The only important result of a meeting is agreement about neBt steps:
6olf's Law of 1lanning
A good pla%e to start from is where you are:
6olf's Law of Ta%ti%s
,f you %an't beat them= ha;e them Eoin you:
6oltman's Law
/e;er program and drin< beer at the same time:
6oman's E?uation
6hate;er women do= they must do twi%e as well as men to be thought half as good: Lu%<ily= this is
not diffi%ult:
6ood's Law
The more unwor<able the urban plan= the greater the probability of implementation:
6oods's ,n%omplete MaBims
1:All's well that ends:
>:A penny sa;ed is a penny:
G:(on't lea;e things unfinishe
6oods's Laws of 1ro%rastination
1:/e;er put off till tomorrow what you %an do the day after tomorrow:
>:1ro%rastinate todayY CTomorrow may be too late:D
G:/06 is the time to do things laterY
H:,f at first you don't su%%eed= why try againR
6oods's 3efutation of the *irst Law of 4o%io@eneti%s
0n the %ontrary= if you ne;er pro%reate= neither will your <ids:
6oodward's Law
A theory is better than an eBplanation:
6or<er's (ilemma Law CManagement's 1ut@(own LawD
1:/o matter how mu%h you do= you'll ne;er do enough:
>:6hat you don't do is always more important than what you do do:
6ynne's Law
/egati;e sla%< tends to in%rease:
6ys"<ows<i's Theorem
3egardless of the units used by either the supplier or the %ustomer= the manufa%turer shall use his
own arbitrary units %on;ertible to those of either the supplier or the %ustomer only by means of weird
and unnatural %on;ersion fa%tors:
6ys"ows<i's Laws
1:/o eBperiment is reprodu%ible:
>:Anything %an be made to wor< if you fiddle with it long enough:
G:3egardless of the units used by either the supplier or the %ustomer= the manufa%turer shall use his
own arbitrary units %on;ertible to those of either the supplier or the %ustomer only by means of weird
and unnatural %on;ersion fa%tors:
8
8app's 'asi% *a%t
,f a thing %annot be fitted into something smaller than itself= some dope will do it:
8olen's uide for 4elf@1raise
1ro%laim yourself M6orld ChampM of something @@ tiddly@win<s= rope@ Eumping= whate;er @@ send this
noti%e to newspapers= radio= T5= and wait for %hallengers to %onfront you: A;oid %hallenges as long
as possible= but %ontinue to send news of your a%hie;ements to all media: Also= de;elop a
newsletter and letterhead for %ommuni%ations:
8oung's +andy uide to the Modern 4%ien%es
,f it is green or it wiggles @@ it is 'iology:
,f it stin<s @@ it is Chemistry:
,f it doesn't wor< @@ it is 1hysi%s:
8oung's Law
All great dis%o;eries are made by mista<e:
Corollary @ The greater the funding= the longer it ta<es to ma<e the mista<e:
9
9amboni's 1arts Laws
1:A dropped part will always roll to the eBa%t geographi% %enter of the largest a;ailable obEe%t for it to
roll under:
>:The probability of the loss or brea<age of any part is dire%tly proportional to the diffi%ulty of getting
a
repla%ement part:
G:,rrepla%eable parts will always brea< or be lost= and at the worst possible time:
H:3epla%eable parts will only be%ome a;ailable after an important deadline has passed:
I:1arts that are diffi%ult to install will freely fall out on their own:
J:1arts that go in easily will be eBtremely hard to remo;e= and remo;al will be ne%essary to
a%%omplish the needed repair:
7:The part you will need will be the irrepla%eable part you threw away last wee< be%ause there is no
more ser;i%eable e?uipment of that type around:
9ellar's Law
E;ery newspaper= no matter how tight the news hole= has room for a story on another newspaper
in%reasing its newsstand pri%e:
9immerman's Law
3egardless of whether a mission eBpands or %ontra%ts= administrati;e o;erhead %ontinues to grow
at a steady rate:
9immerman's Law of Complaints
/obody noti%es when things go right:
9usmann's 3ule
A su%%essful symposium depends on the ratio of meeting to eating:
9ymurgy's *irst Law of E;ol;ing 4ystems (ynami%s
0n%e you open a %an of worms= the only way to re%an them is to use a larger %an: C0ld worms ne;er
die= they Eust worm their way into larger %ans:D
9ymurgy's Law of 5olunteer Labour
1eople are always a;ailable for wor< in the past tense:
9ymurgy's 4e;enth EB%eption to Murphy's Laws
6hen it rains= it pours:
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