To Her Someday,

You asked me once what it would take to be "the one" for her. And you
insisted that you knew what you were doing, that you were ready for her,
and that you meant every word. As far as Im concerned, its cra!y of you to
ask, and even cra!ier to ask me. "ut as cynical as I usually am, I #gured Id
at least try to give you some answers. $oodness knows she deserves to be
ha%%y. And somehow I ho%e you could be her chance.
If you are looking for answers like "wear this", "buy that", "say this", "make
that"... all I can say to you is this& $row u% and get serious. 'r else stay the
hell away from her. If all you intend to do is %ut on a show to im%ress her,
then you dont deserve her. She doesnt need to be tricked by some
%om%ous moron looking for a good time. You should know better( The way
you look, the things you can buy, and all those frivolous details might get her
to notice you. "ut they shouldnt be your %riority and they surely will not
last. )liche as it sounds, you must understand that there are far more
im%ortant things than whatever *air you can muster.
+ow, even with su%er#cial matters aside, being her "one" is ,uite a tall order.
I dont e-%ect you to get it right and get it all done in one go. Any
relationshi% takes time, e.ort, %ersistence, and a lot of %atience /among
other things0. +o, I cannot s%ell everything out for you. Some %arts, you
have to #gure out for yourself. "ut if you are as ready as you say you are,
you should be able to manage. You can and you have to make it work. 1ake
it last.
"y now, I e-%ect you have convinced yourself that you love her. /If you
havent, sto% right now and #gure it out already %lease(0 "ut do you
understand why2 It is easy to love her for all her wonder, but you must also
learn to love her for all her *aws. This isnt a ,uestion of how much can you
tolerate or ignore. It is a matter of how well you understand that she isnt
%erfect 3 that the not so favorable things are as much a %art of her as the
things youve come to admire in the #rst %lace. It is true, there are things
about her that you would wish to change. And one way or another, she will
disa%%oint you. "ut can you still love her as she is2 In short, love her for the
"good" things. "ut love her also because of her im%erfections, not in s%ite of
them. 4ove her for all the right reasons and be constant in them.
4earn to discern the things that matter, es%ecially because most of the time
they arent as obvious as a *ashing billboard. I know I said there are
frivolous details to set aside, but there are still certain little things that will
matter. They are there between your sim%le similarities and your %etty
di.erences, her silly ,uirks and her %et %eeves. The times you remember
your anniversary to the times you forget to call after you %romised, the
times you notice she cried even if she tries to hide it to the times you s%ill
out something she told you to kee% secret... etc. 4ook closely. 4isten
carefully. "asically, %ay attention to the things that ha%%en and the things
that dont. Im not saying remember everything. "ut it hel%s to be thoughtful
and to show her you %ick u% on the subtle details every once in a while.
And while we are on the to%ic of subtlety, get to know her well enough to
understand what she isnt saying. 'f course, communication is 567Y
I18'7TA+T. There are a lot of things you can know 9ust by being brave
enough to ask. "ut the catch is that you should also be sensitive enough to
the things that cannot be e-%licitly e-%ressed. There will be times she cant
and wont tell you things. Sometimes a little coa-ing is all it takes.
Sometimes you have to wait it out until shes ready. And other /ho%efully
rare0 times, you will have to acce%t that you will never know. All I can say
there is, well, good luck(
'h, and s%eaking of being constant and the little things, kee% in mind that
she doesnt need the e-tremes. Sur%rises might kee% things interesting. And
she may a%%reciate the grand gestures of a.ection occasionally. "ut shed
likely thank you more for being consistent in the little things that you do.
/+ote& the thanking wont always be obvious though0. This doesnt mean you
should come u% with a mushy routine. /Seriously, she doesnt need a robot.0
Its 9ust that she needs to be sure of you, to be able to rely on you, to know
that you are here to stay. Sometimes, 9ust being there is enough.
'n a related note, she doesnt need Su%erman. Sure, she needs a man who
she knows can and will take care of her. "ut she doesnt always need a hero
to save her from whatever mess life throws at her. Sometimes its enough to
be the %erson in the sidelines who believes she can be her own hero. 'r
better yet, if you can, be the kind of %erson who can ins%ire her to believe in
herself. 7es%ect her enough to let her shine when she can. And ste% in and
save the day only when you absolutely have to. /And knowing when that is is
one of those things you have to #gure out yourself.0
"e the kind of %erson that makes her better. Her life is hard enough without
a suck3y:useless relationshi%. 1ake her smile. 1ake her strong. I dont mean
you have to challenge her outright or give her a daily sermon. The %erson
you are and even the e-%ectations you have would likely be enough. "ut
heres a word of caution. ;ont let your e-%ectations get the better of you.
And you should not have to force her to be di.erent or more than what she
is. If you are the kind of %erson that she can truly love, she herself will want
to be better and will do better because of it.
I su%%ose Ive given you a billion things to %onder /or maybe even to worry
about0. And yet I know that there are a billion more things that Ive left out.
1aybe youre already overwhelmed and feeling the %ressure to be 1r.
8erfect. If so, allow me to say this& %erfect is not the %oint. I told you all
these things because I thought that they could hel%. "ut there is only so
much remotely "sensible" gibberish I can s%ew. And even without me listing
all these obscure ti%s, %erha%s the very least you should remember and the
most im%ortant thing to kee% in mind is to be true to yourself and to her.
Youve heard it before. And damn it, youll hear it again until it really sticks to
you. "ecause cliche as it is, it is bloody well true.
7emember, you are who you should be. If she should fall for you, dont let
her fall for a lie. 4et her know you. Trust her enough to acce%t who you are.
She already knows that you will mess u% /at least as badly as she does0 from
time to time. "ut you have to give her the chance to come to terms with
your limitations. <now that shell try 9ust as much as you to make things
work. "elieve that shell love you enough to stick around.
"eing her "one" is not about im%ressing her= its about valuing her
ha%%iness. 4oving her isnt 9ust about wanting her or needing her. It is both
at once and more. It means you choose to commit to her with all that you
are. It means she isnt 9ust an o%tion= she is the only choice. It means she is
inevitably %art of you and she is the only one you can love this way. It means
she is worth waiting however long for, giving u% your %ride for, and #ghting
with all youve got for. She is your "one" to always be with and stay with.
"elieve it and live it, dear boy.
And %lease, love her enough.