Brian Zalasky

January 9, 2009
Non-Fiction Narrative
The Skipper
"Zalinski!" Thats !hat Skip calle" #e$ %ven thou&h he !as o'' (y a couple o' letters,
you ha" to &ive hi# cre"it 'or even atte#ptin& the )olish na#e$ * #ean he at least ha" the ri&ht
nu#(er o' sylla(les$ +n" he sai" the# !ith such con'i"ence an" &usto it "i"nt #uch #atter to
hi# ,or #e or #y 'ello! ple(es on his %li-a(ethto!n .olle&e soccer tea#/ !hether he
pronounce" our na#es correctly$ 0ith t!enty-'ive years o' coachin& e1perience at his al#a
#ater, so#e 200 o"" !ins, countless 3i"-+tlantic .on'erence cha#pionships, seventeen N.++
tourna#ent appearances, nine re&ional an" national 'inal appearances, an" a national
cha#pionship ,an" not to #ention thirty-three 'or#er players coachin& at the colle&iate level/
cro!"in& his resu#e, Skip earns your respect 4ust (y invitin& you to pre-season tryouts$ So hi#
even tryin& #y na#e !as (liss in itsel'$
Fe! coaches in the N.++ can #atch his career over the last 5uarter century6 the
archetypal #ana&er, +rthur "Skip" 7o"erick ranks 'i'teenth all-ti#e in total !ins ,the only coach
!ith less than thirty-one years e1perience in the top t!enty-'ive/ an" thirteenth all-ti#e in
!innin& percenta&e in N.++ history 4ust (ehin" Bruce +rena, 'or#er coach o' the 8niversity o'
9ir&inia an" t!o-ti#e 0orl" .up 8$S$ National tea# coach$
*n a""ition to all o' this, Skip !as a &oo" player in his "ay$ :is "ay !as the ;9<0s an"
inclu"e" stints !ith %n&lish 'oot(all clu(s %verton an" Brent'or", the *rish clu( tea# Sli&o
7overs ,!ith !ho# he !on a =ea&ue o' *relan" .ha#pionship in <>/, as !ell as a season !ith
the )hila"elphia +to#s o' the 'orlorn an" ill-'ate" North +#erican Soccer =ea&ue ,N+S=/$
?uite i#pressive, thou&h not everyone thou&ht he !as a skille" player$ Skip !as once
"escri(e" in the *rish ne!spaper, Sligo Weekender, as a "striker !ith a "i''erence$$$ the only thin&
!orse than his 'irst touch @on the (allA !as his secon" touch," a""in&, "@Sli&o 7overs seasonA
!as &oin& so !ell that he &ot precious 'e! chances to "isplay his skills$" This !oul" e1plain his
a((reviate" tenure !ith the a'ore#entione" clu(s6 he staye" !ith each clu( 'or at #ost one
season, o'ten leavin& (e'ore a seasons conclusion$ Bne coul" ask, i' he lacke" such re5uire" skill
to play at the level o' the British pro'essional lea&ues ho! "i" Skip #ana&e to rise a(ove his ho-
hu# talentsC
0ell, his athletic (uil" coul" partially e1plain it$ +ll tol", Skip stan"s close to >2"$ +
'or#i"a(le speci#en "urin& his colle&e years, Dear(ook photos sho! hi# "resse" in
%li-a(ethto!nEs (lue an" &ray !ith a (all at his 'eet an" lon&, &ol"en 7o(ert )lant-ish hair "o!n
to his shoul"ers$ ,B""ly, pictures o' Skip in his colle&e years are in short supply$ *' one !as to
search %li-a(ethto!nEs :i&h =i(rary he !oul" 'in" that his class picture an" #any athletic photos
o' hi# have (een suspiciously cut out o' several Conestogan issues circa ;9<0-<2$/ SkipEs
e1pansive shoul"ers top o'' a torso that once looke" "e'ine" (ut no! has noticea(ly #elte" over
the (elt (uckle$ =ike the "e'ine" torso, his hair #a"e a "isappearin& act all its o!n$ But his le&s
ho!ever are "i''erent$ :is le&s re#ain the tone" sine!y hills, valleys an" plateaus visi(le in the
'e! Dear(ook i#a&es$ Fro# all accounts, he ha" spee" in those le&s (ut to!in& his lar&e 'ra#e
cause" pro(le#s$ *' * #ay, usin& his o!n parlance, Skip pro(a(ly !as a "onkey "ue to his lack
o' &race on the pitch an" a!k!ar"ly a(le to po!er past, over an" throu&h "e'en"ers le&ally or
ille&ally$
But his physical #ake-up coul"nt solely account 'or his success'ul career on an" o'' the
'iel"$ No, Skips personality is conta&ious as !ell as a"vanta&eous in an" out o' the soccer !orl"$
*ts a personality as uni5ue as his career$ Fe! can co#pare$ %1tre#ely passionate an" e#otional,
Skip elevates e1pectations 'or his players to so#eti#es unrealistic levels, (ut that "oesnt stop
hi# 'ro# "e#an"in& results$ Furin& &a#es this is certainly prevalent, (ut see#s al#ost
e1a&&erate" "urin& trainin&$ Bn one occasion, at Satur"ay #ornin& trainin&, Skip !as not happy
!ith ho! !e practice" our corner kick plays$ :e #u#(le" lou" enou&h 'or everyone to hear, "0e
suck$ No one can hit a 'reakin corner$ 0hat a ni&ht#are! Just shit$" %ven lou"er, Skip yelle" to
the assistant coach, "Get Zach the hell out o' there! :es havin& a shitter! Zach "ont take another
kick!" 3in" you, !e !ere ten #inutes into HI00 a$#$ practice in early Nove#(er an" ha"nEt ha" a
!ar# up run or stretch$ Zach "iso(eye" an" hit a curlin& (all across the &oalkeeperEs (o1 that
!as si"e volleye" into the net 'ro# t!enty yar"s out$ Skip i##e"iately screa#e" in "eli&ht, 'ell
to the &roun" 'ace 'irst an" (e&an thrustin& his hips$ "Bh, (a(y! Boooh, (a(y!" he rose, ")ractice
is over! * nee" to &o ho#e an" see =ois!" :e !alke" o'' the 'iel" an" presu#a(ly !ent ho#e to
his !i'e$ +n" that !as that$ To say the least, hes a lea"er !ho !ears his e#otions on his sleeve
an" has never (een shy a(out, !ell, anythin&$
Skip is the #ost outra&eously out&oin& person *ve ever #et$ The con'i"ence !ith !hich
he hollere" #y na#e that 'irst o' "ay o' preseason is ho! he talks to potential recruits, their
parents, chil"ren in his su##er ca#ps, other coaches, stu"ents !ho "onEt play 'or his tea#, the
cashier at local Turkey :ill convenience store, even his (oss, the .olle&e )resi"ent$ Thou&ht
(e'ore speech isnt so#ethin& he practices$ *t is this spontaneity that #akes hi# so attractive to
everyone$ +s a result, one !oul"nt necessarily la(el hi# a &entle#an$ 0hen talkin& to a recruits
'ather !ho 4ust so happens to (e (al" Skip !ill point to his o!n hea" an" say, "* like your (ar(er"
'ollo!e" (y an a(ri"&e" lau&h that anyone !ho "oesnt kno! hi# #ay think he has so#e #ucous
near the top o' his throat hes tryin& to release6 his s#ile is the only in"ication that everythin& is
okay$ :es a #an !ho can tell you a'ter you score t!o &oals in &a#e (ut pro(a(ly shoul" have
ha" a thir" that "you coul" have ha" the 'irst hat-trick in the 7o"erick era$ But you "i"nt$ Dou
suck," an" then re'er to you as a "player !hose enthusias# an" pri"e 'or the pro&ra# is to (e
envie"" !ith a 'atherEs a#orous in'lection an" tears in his eyes$ :e cares 'or his players like he
cares 'or his !i'e an" t!in "au&hters6 coach an" 'ather are synony#ous$
Skips no#enclature 'or his 'ello! #an is (a(y, !hich he says throu&h a &rin that
stretches 'ro# ear to ear, his e#eral" eyes &lea#in&$ +n" he pre'ers that you a""ress hi# as Skip,
or Ba(y, or the Skipper i' youre not into pithiness, 4ust so lon& as you never call hi# .oach
7o"erick$ Skip is the essence o' ;9<0s rock an" rollI in'or#al, hi&h ener&y, repeate"ly
inappropriate, o'ten i#itate" ,ask any o' his 'or#er players/ (ut never "uplicate"$ Bne can tell he
is conscious o' his static position in the <0s6 )olitical .orrectness is so#ethin& he is a!are o',
(ut the irony is that he lacks any correctness !hen he atte#pts to (e ).$ For e1a#ple, a'ter *
&ra"uate" 'ro# %li-a(ethto!n an" 'inishe" playin& 'or Skip * (eca#e a counselor 'or
un"er&ra"uate a"#issions !e "iscusse" a recruits application$ Skip reasone", ".o#e on no!$
The ki"s a &reat player, "ecent aca"e#ically, an" hes$$$ uh, u#$$$ (lack, +'rican$$$" he leane" in
closer an" !hispere", "hes +'rican-+#erican$"
"Skip, his na#e is Javier +lvara"o$"
"Bh, hes :ispanic then$ Goo"$ %ven (etter, ri&htC" %ven at this &ross i&norance, you
have to s#ile an" shru&$ *ts 4ust Skip$ :is a(sur"ity is #atche" only (y his verve$ Bver the past
seven years * still 'in" #ysel' ea&er to sit "o!n !ith Skip 'or nothin& #ore than to 4ust (reathe in
the vi&or that pours out o' hi#$ +n" over that ti#e he 'in"s itEs (est to not try an" pronounce #y
na#e, (ut rather, stick to the (revity thin& an" 4ust call #e JZ$E