Parenting With Pleasure

By Mark Hamby

Several weeks ago I was standing on the banks of the Jordan River near the location
of the baptism of Jesus. From there I traveled northward to the Sea of Galilee and
saw what is believed to be the Mount of Transfiguration. Over the years I have heard
many sermons about these events but never one that focused exclusively on the
powerful, single-sentence communication of the Father.

During Jesus lifetime, the heavenly Father speaks only three times. Each time, He
uses His words sparingly. But with these three very short sentences come some of
the most powerful truths ever spoken.

Matthew 3 records the first time the Father speaks to Jesus. As Jesus is being
baptized He hears a voice from heaven saying: This is my beloved Son in Whom I
am well pleased. Here the Father expresses His great love and the pleasure he
finds in His Son.

As parents we need to give our children what the Father gave His Son in this one
powerful sentence: This is my beloved Son in Whom I am well pleased. In this
short sentence the Father conveys:

The Gift of IdentityThis is MY Son
The Gift of NurtureMy BELOVED Son
The Gift of AffirmationIn Whom I take PLEASURE

These three foundational parental gifts are the core principles that cultivate healthy
relationships and a meaningful life. When a child hears his parents talk about him in
a positive manner, it creates intrinsic motivation; the child is motivated to give honor
in return.

We need to be purposeful with our words as we convey truth and encouragement.
Even difficult children have gifts that need to be recognized and nurtured. For
example, from an early age my son often interacted and reacted with determination
and obstinacy. As a result, through most of his childhood and teen years I insisted
that his behavior was unacceptable and thought he needed to change. Rather than
recognizing that God had given him a gift of leadership and communication that
needed to be developed, I saw his gift as a threat. I missed the opportunity to
cultivate his identity and failed to nurture him. However, because I affirmed my son
in his work ethic, today he is confident and successful in his career. He is intrinsically
motivated to reach high levels of excellence as a result.

The second time the Father speaks is on the Mount of Transfiguration. He repeats
what he said at the baptism but adds, Hear ye him! He not only reinforces the
importance of identity, nurture, and affirmation by repeating Himself but also adds
the essential gift of privileged position. With His statement, Hear ye him, the
Father communicates that there has been a transfer of power and authority to His
Son. He is saying to the disciples, Get your eyes off of Moses and Elijahlisten to
my Son.

When parents transfer power and position, they grant autonomy and authority.
Rather than encouraging the child to be independent of authority, this transfer opens
the door for young adults to make autonomous decisions within the context of
dependent relationships. As a Son, Jesus still learned obedience by the things which
he suffered according to the writer of Hebrews (Heb. 5:8). Though Jesus was given
authority and autonomy (Matt. 28:18: all power is given unto me), He still yielded
to His Father (Luke 22:42 not My will, but Thine be done). Jesus came to do the
will of His Father (Jn. 5:30, 6:38).

Granting authority and autonomy begins at a young age. Find a task that the child
does well, and identify the character quality needed for that job. It could be
something simple like making the bed or mowing the lawn, packing the car or
answering the phone, setting the table or caring for pets. Choose anything that the
child naturally enjoys and does well. This is the time to transfer some authority and
autonomy. For example, if your son is naturally organized, then packing the car for
trips would be his position of authority. No one packs anything without first going
through him. This is his territory. As the children grow, expand these doors of
autonomy and authority.

Too often parents restrict autonomy and withhold authority, hindering the transition
from childhood to adulthood. I must admit that it was more difficult for me to grant
autonomy and authority to my daughter than to my sons. I smothered her with
overprotection, creating in her a natural resistance. Children need encouragement as
they grow up; otherwise they may take twists and turns to find it. A restricted
sapling will twist and turn to seek light as it grows, and in its mature state it often
remains in its twisted form.

The third and last time the Father speaks to the Son is recorded in John 12: I have
glorified your name and will glorify it again. Here we have confirmation that the
Father is committed to His Son, always.

Parenting never ends. My children, now in their late twenties and early thirties, are
finally receiving the gifts they should have received as children. But opportunities for
growth are never too late. In fact, just recently I shared these truths with my oldest
son, and we experienced significant healing in our relationship. The parenting
principles demonstrated by our heavenly Father are life-transforming for those who
will practice them.

In summary, our children need:

IdentityThis is MY Son
NurtureMy BELOVED Son
AffirmationA Son in Whom I take PLEASURE
Position of AuthorityListen to him
Confirmation of CommitmentI will glorify your name, again

Audio to Listen To

The White GypsyGreat for the entire family! This drama expresses many of the
truths in this article, particularly the gifts of identity, nurture, affirmation, and
confirmation.

Mark Hamby is the founder and president of Lamplighter Ministries, where he serves
with a dedicated staff to make Lamplighter Publishing, Lamplighter Theatre,
Lamplighter Guild, Lamplighter Life-Transforming Seminars, and Lamplighter
Moments Daily Radio Broadcast a reality. It is his mission to make ready a people
prepared for the Lord by building Christlike character . . . one story at a time. You
can read or listen to the most recent Lamplighter production at www.lamplighter.net.

Copyright 2012, used with permission. All rights reserved by author. Originally
appeared in the August 2012 issue of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, the family
education magazine. Read the magazine free at www.TOSMagazine.com or read it
on the go and download the free apps at www.TOSApps.com to read the magazine
on your mobile devices.