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According to the Homeric Hymn to Hermes, Zeus in the dead of night secretly bego
t Hermes upon Maia, who avoided the company of the gods, in a cave of Cyllene. A
fter giving birth to the baby, Maia wrapped him in blankets and went to sleep. T
he rapidly maturing infant Hermes crawled away to Thessaly, where by night-fall
of his first day he stole some of his half-brother Apollo's cattle and invented
the lyre from a tortoise shell.
Jason Sprung, a 26-year-old comedian in Brooklyn, connected last year on the loc
ation-based dating app Tinder with a Tennessee woman who was visiting New York.
The two didn ft get a chance to meet up while she was in town, but that didn ft dete
r them.
gWe talked on the phone every day for almost a month and sent a lot of texts and
photos and videos and sexts, h Mr. Sprung said. gWe fd have phone sex. It felt close
to a relationship without actually seeing the other person. h
The couple grew so intimate that the woman promised she would move to New York i
n six months. Mr. Sprung couldn ft wait that long. gSo I broke up with someone I fd n
ever even met before, h he said.
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While his primary reasoning was logistical, he acknowledged that there may have
been something else behind it. gYou build up this rapport h over the phone and comp
uter, he said, gand the expectations that we had of each other were very high. An
d I realized I fm not that great of a person. There fs no way I fm going to live up to
that. h
Mr. Sprung fs story of a non-IRL ( gin real life, h for those of a certain age) extend
ed liaison is not unique. More and more technophilic and commitment-phobic mille
nnials are shying away from physical encounters and supplanting them with the em
otional gratification of virtual quasi relationships, flirting via their phones
and computers with no intention of ever meeting their romantic quarry: less casu
al sex than casual text.
Contrary to anecdotal claims of the hegemony of hookup culture, several studies
suggest young adults are not having as much sex as believed. A 2013 University o
f Portland study surveyed 18- to 25-year-olds who had completed at least one yea
r of college, comparing results from 1988 to 1996 to those from 2002 to 2010. Fe
wer respondents from the more recent ghookup era h reported having had sex within t
he past year (59.3 percent versus 65.2 percent), and lower numbers said they had
had multiple partners.
gWe are not in the midst of a new era of no-rules-attached sexuality, h concluded o
ne of the study fs authors, the sociology professor Martin Monto.
College students are also more sexually moralistic than one may suspect. A 2013
study from the University of Illinois at Chicago of 19,000 of them found that 73
percent lost respect for either men or women (or both) who they believed hooked
up ga lot h (an admittedly subjective quantity).
Obviously, sex is not going out of fashion with 20-somethings, and the simulacru
m is not replacing the real thing anytime soon. (Indeed, the Portland study note
d that more respondents in the modern period are having casual sex, though this

may also be a byproduct of fewer of them having a regular sexual partner or spou
se.) But the proliferation of options through online dating, the ease and lower
emotional stakes of screen-based communication, and ready access to pornography
are producing a generation that sometimes prefers to keep physical relationships
at phone-tapping thumb fs length.
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Younger men, a demographic not known for pickiness when it comes to flings, may
be most susceptible to these paradigm shifts.
Historically, young women gused to have more options on a face-to-face level, h sai
d Sesen Negash, an assistant professor of couple and family therapy at Alliant U
niversity in San Diego who has worked at a number of college campuses. That is c
hanging in the post-FaceTime world.
gThere fs more accessibility to women that men may not have had before, h she said. gT
hey have multiple apps and websites that they fre on simultaneously. Virtually, th
ere fs that sense that there are so many options that they don ft have to choose. h
As Mr. Sprung suggested, the phone screen is also armor against vulnerability fo
r these men, Dr. Negash said. Will Stephen, 25, agreed. A Brooklyn comedy writer
for the website CollegeHumor, he has been on and off OkCupid, Tinder (which he
has mined for comedic material) and the app Hinge for three years. Though he has
been in contact with dozens of women, he said, he has gone on only three dates.
gMy conversations drop off sometimes when I realize the fantasy version of online
dating and the reality of it h are at odds, he said. gThen it starts to feel risky
in a way it didn ft feel before. And the risk can spook you a little bit. h
Tom Philip, a 23-year-old freelance writer from London now also based in Brookly
n, echoed his anxieties. Mr. Philip has intermittently been active on dating sit
es or apps for three years as well, he said, engaging in sustained communication
with upward of 50 women, but he has met up just once.
gThe one date I went on, h he said, gI didn ft want to do it all day and nearly cancel
ed three or four times because it felt like it was going to be a panic room of s
o much stuff going on. h
Even those who have already made in-person connections sometimes prefer the secu
rity of the phone to the anxiety of a romantic-comedy-cum-David Fincher thriller
. Marle Cordeiro, 23, a professional poker player and model who splits her time
between Manhattan and Las Vegas, recalled a frustrating dialogue with a man who
kept asking her to hang out via text, then backed off whenever they set a time.
In a similar situation, a friend of hers met a man who lived across the street f
rom her workplace but who never visited.
gHe would constantly text her and ask her for selfies, h Ms. Cordeiro said. gThey wa
nt the idea of this hot girl sending pictures of herself, but they don ft want to
make it a reality and find out she has problems or whatever. h
The impulse is often gender-neutral. Mr. Stephen confessed to fishing, at times,
for positive responses from dating sites and apps to make himself feel better,
a practice endorsed by Hallie Cantor, 25, a writer for gInside Amy Schumer. h
gIt fs a much better app when you don ft message anyone h on Tinder, she said, gbecause
then it becomes a self-esteem boost: Anytime you open it, there fs a list of peopl
e who said they would have sex with you. It fs a little validating. h
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Since a lot of her matches don ft end up messaging her after an initial expression
of mutual interest (swiping right on each other fs picture), it gmakes me think ot
hers are using it the same way, h she said. gIt fs fun to swipe people left or right
and be in a powerful position without having to go on an actual date with them a
nd get to know that they fre a disappointing person. h
Swiping, and discovering someone else has right-swiped you, is not only fun; it
may affect one fs neurological makeup. gThe idea of someone who fs interested in you
alters your hormonal state and releases dopamine, h Dr. Negash said, and habitual
online daters are glooking for their next high. It fs the drug of choice for many r
ight now. h
As with recreational drug use, tedium is often the catalyst. gSometimes it fs hones
tly just boredom, h Ms. Cordeiro said. gIt fs Friday and you have nothing to do. The
ego boost is totally a thing. h
The ennui-plagued may turn to yet another time-honored stimulus on a Friday nigh
t. Dr. Negash has worked on five not-yet-published studies examining the role of
pornography in college students f lives. She found that the consumption of it res
ulted in lower gsupport seeking, h she said, meaning it made them less likely to lo
ok for friendships and romantic relationships. In addition, people who believe t
hat relationships take effort reported that they were more likely to watch it.
Therefore, young men, especially, who have become chronic viewers of easily acce
ssible pornography may be less inclined to explore the more challenging terrain
of three-dimensional partners.
gIt fs a one-sided relationship, h Dr. Negash said.
of you. You fre not risking anyone hurting you. h

gThe screen is not asking anything

At least one millennial, however, complicates her hypothesis.

gI look at porn somewhat frequently, h said Mr. Sprung, the comedian.
gI much prefer sex with another person to h the alternative, he added.
Maia refused to believe Apollo when he claimed Hermes was the thief and Zeus the
n sided with Apollo. Finally, Apollo exchanged the cattle for the lyre, which be
came one of his identifying attributes.