Fridge Worthy

Jay Kerner
Publisher/Fools Errand Boy
Somewhere around 25 years ago or so, I
wrote my first family Christmas letter.
We always received a few clever ones
from some crazy creative family and friends,
so I knew I was going to have to do something different if I wanted to hang with the
pros.
Thats why I added a little bonus: a silly
picture of me in a smoking jacket seated next
to my taxidermied goat. (We could talk more
about the goat, but thats a story all its own.)
Anyway, I sent out around 50 copies to
folks across the country, to mostly popular response.
Over the next months and years I experienced a visceral thrill to discover
that picture on lots of my friends and families refrigerators.
I began to realize that I had crossed that invisible barrier that separates the
important from the mundane, the relevant from the not so much. I had become
refrigerator worthy!
My picture was up there with the good report cards and the save the date
notices. My art, (if I may be so bold as to call it that), right up there alongside
the hand-traced turkeys and finger-paint masterpieces.
And a surprising number stayed there for years!
Come the next holiday season I started getting early requests for the new
version. Now the pressure was on. You cant keep giving them the same olsame ol.
There were a few hits and some horrible misses
over the next few years. But then, the kids everywhere (and of all ages) got their hands on Photoshop,
and before you knew it, everybody was an artist,
and pretty much any knucklehead with access to a
keyboard was putting out the kind of stupid stuff that
had been my personal domain for a number of years.
It wasnt fun anymore after everyone was doing
it, so I slacked off for a bit.
Then, the opportunity popped up to do this
ridiculous paper, and with it, the chance to inflict my
silliness regularly on an unsuspecting audience.
After doing this going on eight years, weve had
some hits and misses in the paper, too. Weve been
lucky to have put out a few things that resonated
with some folks. Again, weve been excited to have
seen a few of them on refrigerators.
If you think about it, hasnt that simple kitchen
appliance become the main repository for the bits of
paper we hold in highest regard?
Photos. The key-code for the internet. Long
expired pizza coupons. The cartoon that just nails it.
Grocery lists, doctors appointments, baseball

schedules and the card from your bail bond guy.

And all held up with little magnets. You can talk about Henry Ford, Thomas
Edison, or any other titan of American industry, but I wonder about the dude
that invented the refrigerator magnet. We may have a car in every garage in this
country and a dozen or so lightbulbs in the average home, but both figures are
dwarfed by the number of refrigerator magnets.
Theres a hierarchy in the magnet world. The old-school, heavy duty ones
are reserved for the most important stuff. Over the decades, magnets have
gotten thinner and cheaper, to the point that some budget-advertisers versions
wont hold up anything at all. Heck, theyll barely hold themselves up there.
Yet we still keep them for some reason. Who throws away a perfectly good
refrigerator magnet?
But I digress. (I do that!) Anyway, it always tickles me to see my stuff on
peoples fridge or anywhere else they may have kept them.
When my mother-in-law passed away this fall, I was touched when I found
a dozen or more of her favorite pieces of mine, cut out and saved in a kitchen
drawer. (Those feelings were tempered a bit by the fact that I found them under
about a hundred of Alonzos.)
When you create a disposable medium like this, you get excited anytime one
avoids joining their brethren at the recycler. I guess thats what keeps us going
in the wee dark hours; the idea that something we produce, just maybe, has a
chance at kitchen immortality. We know we wont hit every time, but shoot, a
boy can dream, cant he?

Contact The Regular Joe

816-617-5850
email@theregularjoepaper.com
P.O. Box 1304 St. Joseph, Mo. 64502

Read us online
www.theregularjoepaper.com

Joe Music -5

From the Shelf: Elliott Smiths Figure 8

Danny R. Phillips
Regular Joe Music Guy
There is just something about Elliott Smith in the dark of the new days
morning.
The angelic, lost soul voice of Smith, who passed away by his own hand
on October 21, 2003, washes through the room like the ghosts of lost love, regret
and fragments of opportunities wasted, friends no longer on your side, friends yet
to be discovered.
As I stare into the beginnings of a new life alone, Elliott comforts me,
soothes me and tells me it will be just fine, much like The Beatles showed me
melody, Big Star showed me perfection and Nirvana told me it was ok to be
pissed; and to focus that anger into words on a page. Elliott Smith made great
albums over his all too short life, be it Either/Or, From a Basement on a Hill,
(a posthumous offering compiled by his family and finished by friends following his suicide) or any others I may have omitted criminally in my words here.
However, the one that calls me back is 2000s Figure 8.
Opening with the track Son of Sam, Figure 8 is a showcase of how
Smiths musical influences had affected him. Whether they come from his days
in punk rock bands, his unabashed love for The Beatles and, especially Memphis,
Tennessees Big Star, the gang of rock n roll misanthropes is certainly present
and accounted for.
Son of Sam is possibly the bounciest, liveliest ditty ever written about
a dog worshipping serial killer; light piano work opens the track but, much like
many of Elliotts songs, Son of Sam has moments of anger and confusion.
Somebody I Used to Know really hits home
for me now that my marriage has departed. Now
that youre big enough to run your own show/ Youre
just somebody that I used to know. It is a story for
failed lovers or someone that just failed at life.
In the Lost and Found (Honky Bach)s piano
line plays like it is sound tracking a silent movie,
slowing and speeding up to go along with the action,
all while Elliotts voice is layered like seraphim on
high, singing for a sunny day. Elliott Smith was always looking for a crack in a cloud, wanting desperately the warmth of the sun on his tired face.
Sadly, the sun hid itself away from Elliott, only
peeking from the curtain, only showing up in the
grand arrangements that weave themselves to Peter
Glass as much as The Beach Boys Brian Wilson and
the jagged simplicity of folk great Pete Seeger. Elliott Smith stands with all the other great that went
mostly unnoticed in their lifetimes (look up Nick
Drake to set as the prime example) and only garner
fans and curious onlookers as what they were in reality: greats of their craft.
They say every writer has one great book in
them, every musician one great album. Figure 8
is his shot to greatness, Figure 8 is his masterwork.

A Ringing Endorcement for The Bell

Matt Maier
The day is cold, the wind biting.
I pull my vest tighter, a foolish thing for thinking I could handle the cold,
dry air with only a fleece vest. But my destination wasnt far: The Bell was only
a stones throw from the parking lot.
The Bell is not a big place, but it doesnt need to be to feel comfortable.
Once I break past the doors, warmth greets me, with the smells of food enlightening my senses. My friend Tracy is only minutes away, giving me enough time to
peruse the menu. This is my third time at The Bell, a local bar and restaurant that
sits on the corner of Kansas and Missouri streets in downtown Liberty.
Its been a number of years since Tracy and I have last graced each others
presence, not since high school at the least. What better place to catch up with an
old friend than at a great local establishment?
Tim Roumas, owner and operator of The Bell, describes it as a fun, easy to
hang out bar with a really good atmosphere. As I run over the menu, the solid,
old masonry of the eastern wall rises up to my left. Beyond the wall lies the outdoor patio, a great place to be when the weather is warmer. Note to self: Return
here in the summer, I tell myself.
The menu at The Bell is nothing expansive like your Applebees or 54th
Streets. In all honesty, any place that crams five hundred thousand items is either
trying to compensate for something or just has no idea what it wants to be. I like
The Bells menu, its concise and not bloated.
As I await Tracys arrival, Ive made my decision. Ive had it before, but
why go for anything different? The Bell Burger it is. According to Tim, 100% of

the menu is made from scratch. The only frozen products I use are ice cream and
french fries. No hard feelings there, making ice cream is a real pain.
I begin to ponder a drink for lunch. Afterall, The Bell is a bar. And a wellequipped one at that. There are over 60 labels of bourbon and Scotch available to
wet anyones appetite, along with all of the other booze you like. I think sticking with my tried and true Boulevard Wheat is best. Its a hometown brew for a
hometown locale.
Perhaps part of my love for The Bell lies with its location just off the historic Liberty square. I have a fondness for old town squares like Liberty, which
feel--quite simply--Midwestern. Tim says it best: Liberty is very folksy and the
people here are sincere. Amen Tim.
Soon enough, Tracy arrives. Hugs and greetings are exchanged and we settle in to our seats for a rewarding lunch. Not long after ordering, my Bell Burger
arrives. It is enormous; I think only Gary Busey has a mouth big enough for this
burger. Needless to say, the burger is delicious.
Tracy and I spend the next few hours hanging at The Bell, catching up on
memories new and old. Its great reconnecting and I feel right at home at this
place. But alas, our reunion ends. Winter is still hounding outside. After departing
from Tracy and The Bell, I bound myself up tighter with my vest. Ill be back
again, I tell myself.
The Bell Quick Facts:
Opened in 2013
Most well-received dish is the Farm House Hash
Tims favorite beer: Bells Brewery Two Hearted Ale
Located at 114 East Kansas Street, Liberty, Missouri 64068

Acceptance
Shannon Bond
You are cruising along at 50,000 feet and the engine suddenly makes a
high pitched squeal, the airplane lurches, and your compact, but palatable roast
beef dinner lurches on your tray table. The seat belt sign comes on. Your mind
races through fifty scenarios until it lands on the one where certain death is
eminent. At first you resist, but eventually, you give in. Yes, youre going to die.
Oddly, you feel better. You can even take a bite of your bouncing roast beef. The
people around you are exchanging nervous glances and asking for the flight attendant. The entire mental process took minutes, but it lifted a weight and freed
you. The same process can be applied to lots of different situations.
Another one that comes to mind is a certain Humvee ride, or maybe two,
where we didnt really know what was happening, but we knew that there were some angry people with unresolved issues that wanted to make our day very bad. This is ambiguous on purpose, but the point is, you come
to a moment when you accept that it doesnt matter how you got here, in this moment, and it doesnt matter
who is waiting for you at home, you just know that you are here and its much easier if you accept that it is
probably the end.
This is a form of non-attachment, it is also what some athletes experience on very long, grueling rides,
runs, climbs and hikes. The world is lifted from your shoulders and its time to get down to business. If you
focus on anything else, you will be distracted. You will serve your family, your fans (which, lets be honest,
is probably your family and maybe a few friends) and yourself better by first accepting, then letting go, then
focusing. Its not that you necessarily believe that you are going to die, its that you accept that you are here,
in the moment and it is better if you stay present. You still might make it through; Im not promising anything,
but you might.
This isnt a bad mental state to be in when that giant hill is looming. You know its going to be a painful, no good, awful, maybe impossible, sustained climb. Wait, that train of thought isnt getting you anywhere.
Again, accept
that you are
here, in the lycra and spandex, peddling for all your worth, and its
going to consistently hurt and then feel better. Youre on the roller
coaster of I can and I cant and the most important thing is to accept it and realize that you wont fail, because you have already let
go of even that concept.
You are in the moment, surviving and experiencing. Oh, and
not defeating yourself with your thoughts, thats the whole point here
really. You may have another 200 miles to go, so negativity or berating yourself for not taking up a less painful sport, like ping pong or
golf maybe, doesnt do you any good. You are here, or there rather,
in the saddle, let the pain come, recognize it, and watch it float away.
It doesnt help to focus on the pain. Accept, let go, focusthats the
mantra, especially since were moving into February. Race season is
coming up and its time to train and you cant spin inside all the time.
Eventually you have to face that monster climb, even when your
tears are leaving frozen tracks down your face. What better way to
test your non-attached focus and ability to remain mindfully in the
moment? Feel free to email snarky, positive, or inspiring stories of
triumph to the Regular Joe after your fingers thaw out. Accept, let
go, focus.

Live Music Hi-Lites

Brew Top Pub North
8614 N. Boardwalk
Fri 2/6 Dolewite
Sat 2/7 Retroactive
Thur 2/12 Dueling Pianos
Fri 2/13 Wonderfuzz
Sat 2/14 Transients
Fri 2/20 Scott Peery Band
Sat 2/21 Cherry Bombs
Thur 2/26 Dueling Pianos
Fri 2/27 Flannigans Right Hook
Sat 2/28 The Dissapointments

across the

Fat Fish Blue

7260 NW 87th
in Zona Rosa
all shows 8pm
Fri 2/6 Retroactive
Sat 2/7 AZ One
Fri 2/13 Rivertown
Sat 2/14 Acoustic V-day w/Lauren Anderson
Fri 2/20 Kyle Sexton Band
Sat 2/21 Da Truth
Fri 2/27 51% Blues Band
Sat 2/28 Fast Timing

Sherlocks
Underground
858 S 291 in Liberty
Every Wed at 8pm Oasis

Pats Pub
1315 Swift in NKC

Every Wed nite Open Jam hosted by Rob Gray

Northland

Stand Up For Your Health

Were not talking here about advocating for your health in a philosophical
or political way. But literally standing up. Standing up regularly during the day,
researchers have recently discovered, directly correlates to your longevity. The
Journal of the American College of Cardiology, for example, reported on the
findings of a study in which people who sat for four or more hours per day
(not counting the time they sat at work) had twice the risk of cardiovascular
problems, including strokes and heart attacks, compared with those who sat
for less than two hours per day.
And perhaps the most surprising finding that recent studies on sitting
have revealed, is that even if you exercise daily, it is not enough to overcome
the health risks associated with prolonged sitting.
Former NASA research scientist Joan Vernikos, Ph.D., writing in the
January-February edition of Well Being Journal, says that standing up is the
single most important habit we can acquire to maintain independence as we
age. She says that standing up on a regular basis throughout the day helps
regulate blood pressure and strengthens the muscles, bones and joints as well
as improving balance.
The challenge is, of course, we are living in an increasingly sit down
society. Many of us have desk jobs and do computer work all day long. And
we commute to and from work sitting in our vehicles. At home, we dont
have to stand up to answer our cell phones or to change the channel on the
T.V. Everythings at our fingertips, but the rest of our body suffers because
of it. Vernikos, author of the book Sitting Kills, Moving Heals recommends
placing your cell phone at the other end of the room which will make you
stand up to answer it, or putting the remote on top of the T.V. instead of holding it in your hand on the couch. She also advocates incorporating as much
movement as you can into your daily routine, whether its gardening, washing dishes, walking to the store or going up and down the stairs. At work,
deliver that office memo in person, instead of emailing it. Get up every hour
and get a drink at the water cooler. Whatever it takes, stand up and move!
As bipeds, human beings are meant to move and move often.
Standing up and moving might be the simplest and yet most important
thing we can do for our health.

Dont take life sitting down, but by standing up!

Jim Fly, Certified Health Coach
repeated on request from 2013

12th Annual Parkville Microbrew Fest

Saturday, April 25
Main Street Parkville Association
and the all-volunteer festival planning
committee will soon proudly announce
the date for the 12th Annual Parkville
Microbrew Fest 2015. Kick off the summer with live music, handcrafted Ales
from 50 plus breweries representing
Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, Minnesota, Colorado, Oregon and California, along with home brew club samples,
and great food in beautiful English
Landing Park. Guests will be supplied
with a commemorative logo tasting
glass, a custom tasting note sheet, and
live music.
Ticket Information Coming Soon
for 2015
Admission opens at 11:00 a.m.
Sampling starts at 1:00 p.m.
Admission Includes All Samples
Designated Drivers Free Admission
Must Have Ticket and Photo Id
No Refunds
Pets are Welcome
Rain or Shine

Come to Historic Downtown Parkville

and further your beer education, enjoy
outdoor grilled foods, live music, and a
great spring day.

11

Chronos: Friend or Foe

Reverend Ron
In Greek mythology, Chronos is the god
who rules time. His name
is taken from the Greek
word, chronos, which
means time. Much in
mythology emerges when
ancient cultures personified
abstract notions and told
stories using these personifications. The legends and
icons about Chronos can
teach us much.
In modern English, we have several words derived from
chronos. Chronology is a way of looking at history by arranging
events according to their sequence in time. Chronicle is a record
of such events. An illness is chronic when it is continues over a
long period of time.
Perhaps we have seen Chronos. He is the one who appears
on New Years greeting cards as Father Time, the old man with a
long beard and sickle, ushering out the old so the ribbon-clad baby
can crawl onto the stage of a New Year. His sickle is a symbol for
harvest, for cutting down and gathering in all that we have grown
and accomplished during the year.
Other names for this elderly gentleman include Grim Reaper
and Angel of Death. In legend, he has acquired a sinister reputation. He lives in the north where it is cold and icy. He prefers to
visit in the deepest part of the night. And it is significant that we
are reminded of him around the winters solstice when the sun is
low in the sky, when days are the shortest and nights are the longest.
Chronos, with names like Grim Reaper and Angel of Death, suggests something to dread, to delay, to avoid.
The gleam of the sickle reminds us of things gone by, the
good old days, and leaves us with a sense of nostalgia. Perhaps
Chronos offers us something morea gentle reminder not to drive
into our future with our eyes glued to the rear view mirror. Endings
suggest new beginnings. Harvests invite new plantings. A cross
makes possible an empty tomb. Dying suggests rebirth. Chronos is
the threshold we step through to get traction for new possibilities.
As January fades into February, and our new resolutions are
forgotten, we may have faint memories of Christmas and New
Years. The baby Chronos has dropped his ribbon and is crawling on
all fours by now. Soon, his voice will deepen, he will learn to speak
a new language. Eventually, he will start growing a beard. Along
the way, he will plant seeds as the year progresses and once again
take up his sickle. He will grow old and again reap.

Is he our enemy? Is he something to dread? I think not. For

from his presence, we learn what is really important in life. From
his lips, we hear the deep and profound whispering of the Psalmist:
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain the heart of wisdom, Ps. 90:12.

Mirrors Loft at 111 Breathes New Life into Entertainment District

Brian J. Myers
The nightlife scene in downtown St. Joseph has taken some major hits in
the last few years. The closures of three nightclubs since 2012 have left a noticeable void on Felix Street for club goers and live music fans, many of which
have began frequenting venues in other parts of the city, or taking their business
outside of the community altogether.
With the bedrock of the entertainment district still holding strong (Felix
Street Pub, Buffalo Bar, The Rendezvous, and Fosters), an opportunity existed
to capitalize on replacing some vital pieces of the downtown nightlife.
Mirrors at Loft 111 is actually a rebranding of a nightclub we were
operating downtown ten years ago, says co-owner Tracy Allen. Allen and her
partner, Beth Siapno, successfully own and operate Buffalo Bar, and decided to
reopen their popular dance club that existed in the space currently occupied by
Buffalo Bar.
The newer incarnation of Mirrors is situated on
the upper floor of the building Buffalo Bar occupies
on Felix, in the spot that had most recently been
The Villa. Were using more of the top floor than
we did with The Villa, making Mirrors at Loft 111
a much bigger space, states Allen. We wanted to
take what our customers loved about the old Mirrors, and make it more modern, with a bit different
format.
The new Mirrors has a large dance floor, a VIP
section with bottle service during certain occasions,
and a fully stocked bar that offers a wide variety of
classic and signature cocktails.
While Mirrors at Loft 111 has been a choice
spot in recent months for those wanting the dance
club scene, fans of live music will be pleased to
know that many of their favorite St. Joseph bands
will be performing at the venue. With shows from
Afterparty and Hubcap Bandits already under
their belt, the crew at Mirrors are already promoting an upcoming Zombie Valentine themed show on
February 13th with Dsoedean, Third Wounded Man,
and Burnstyles. The club also has a night featuring stand up comedy on January 31st, featuring KC
comedians Randy Delp and Aaron Naylor, and St.
Joseph comedy veterans Brian J. Myers and Ryan
Gerster.
Were a night club, but we like to mix it up
and have different types of live music, too, says bar
manager Tyson Moran. Its a work in progress, trying to create something that looks and feels new and
different to St. Joseph.
Moran, who managed OMalleys in Weston,
MO, was the first choice for Allen and Siapno to

help relaunch and lead Mirrors Loft at 111. Tyson was a former employee of
ours, and has done a phenomenal job at managing and marketing this business,
says Allen.
You can visit Mirrors at Loft 111 at 111 N. 5th every Friday and Saturday
night from 5pm to 1:30am. Be sure to check out their Happy Hour every Friday
from 5:30-7:30. The club can be
entered on the 5th street side, or
through the Buffalo Bar downstairs.

Where to go...
When you come to St. Joe!

15