Dear Harvey and Brittany,

Getting married is a big step in a couples relationship. One of the main focal points that
can make or break a relationship is communication. Communication in marriage is like a life
giving river. When a husband and wife cannot communicate, a huge dam is built stopping the
flow of water (Theravive .com, 2014). That is true. I do know this because I have been married
for 20 going on 21 years.
There are different barriers that can negatively affect interpersonal interactions and most
of us are not even aware of this. Interpersonal communication barriers negatively impact how
effectively we are able to communicate at work, with our friends, and in our family life. Perhaps
the most frustrating part of the communication process; barriers are and will be present every day
of our lives (myinterpersonal.com, 2014). Three types this author lists are Emotional, desire to
participate, and desire to explore. Emotional barriers are the strongest and most difficult to
break through. Feelings and emotions are powerful influences on our decision making
(myinterpersonal.com, 2014). I think this is true as well. As a female, we are naturally emotional
and when any kind of situation arises, we go off of what we feel instead of dealing with the
actual problem or situation. Emotions will create all three types of barriers, but I like to group
them by themselves as this is the starting point to drill down to the root cause. Easily identified
by inflection, tone, and passion emotional barriers are quite easy to identify, but more difficult to
drill down (myinterpersonal.com, 2014). I am one of the people that get very emotional when it
comes to arguments or disagreements. I have found times that my emotions can take over and
cause a major argument with me and my husband so finding ways to communicate will help your
relationship in the long run.
The next barrier is the desire to participate. That is also one I have a big problem with.
The disagreements my husband and I have always tend to have my husband doing all the talking

and I am steadily getting mad by what he is saying. It is very apparent I dont want to participate
in the conversations/arguments we are having. The lack of desire to participate in the
communication process is a significant barrier. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to
communicate with an individual that clearly does not want to. This often leads to frustration and
destroys the process (myinterpersonal.com, 2014). My husband says the same thing when we
are trying to have a conversation and he sees that I am staring off in space or not looking at him
as he is talking to me. He gets very unhappy or upset and just tries to let me know that he is not
talking to the wall but he is talking to me. It would be great if you two would keep the lines of
communication open so you dont have these issues. Our marriage started out on the wrong foot
and as someone once told me, you need to start out like you can hold out. So communicating
from the beginning is the best way.
The next barrier is the desire to explore. When we are unwilling to explore different
options, opinions, or ideas, this definitely will cause a communication barrier. A clear lack of
desire to explore your views, opinions, or ideas can be extremely frustrating
(myinterpersonal.com, 2014). I am one of these people as well. I like to keep things the way
they have always been. Some change causes other issues. But if we are unwilling to even see if
there is another way, then that can be a problem as well because the usual way may not be the
best way to handle the situation. Since I am one of the people that are stubborn or pig headed as
they say sometimes, I tend to make situations frustrating and sometimes worse. If I could just do
what is needed and not cause problems, then maybe some of my situations would not be as bad
as they are. This is why I just wanted to let you know how important all aspects of
communication is and the barriers that come along with it. My mom and dad broke up because
my dad said he and my mom could not talk or communicate. But I didnt see him try to
communicate with her. I just saw the excuses and after 25 years of marriage, if you are not able

to communicate at this point then what was the purpose of getting married. Just as I am telling
you, I tell my daughters that getting married is a good thing but make sure you know who you
are marrying and you are comfortable with their ways and quirks. A lot of times we tend to jump
into situations that are not good for us and then have regrets. But before you get married make
sure it is to someone you want to live the rest of your life with because technically we are only
supposed to marry once unless our significant other passes away. But most people dont believe
that way and if that is something that you dont believe in I am sorry to have brought it up but it
is something I believe in and just wanted to share with you. We wonder why its so hard to
communicate with people and the reason is because we are all different. All of these people
with different personalities, emotions, priorities, and feelings. If you think about the fact that
everything changes during the day as people are affected by daily situations, it makes you
wonder why we even attempt to communicate (myinterpersonal.com, 2014). Most of us dont
realize this but it is a true fact and relevant in all of our lives. While it may be hard to
communicate with others, we have to work and take care of our families so we have to learn how
to deal with the different attitudes and just the different ways we all communicate in general.
Self-concept is another important factor in communication. Our textbook tells us that
self-concept is defined as ones description or portrayal of him-or herself as a person, based on
an organized collection of beliefs and feelings about oneself (Myers, 1993, p.188). The textbook
states, Your self-concept is first externally imposed by others and then internally incorporated in
your thoughts, feelings, actions, and communication (Bevan, J. L., & Sole, K., 2014). How you
feel, think, act and communicate is a major part of any relationship. This is true to me as well
because if you dont feel good about yourself, it can affect the way you think and act as well.
Feeling bad about yourself can cause depression and that in turn will cause other problems that
may cause you to withdraw and then have issues communicating. I had to learn that as well. Four

key factors of self-concept is; your comparison with others, the reaction of others, the social
roles you play in society and the groups with which you identify. Your self-concept is learned; it
is organized, it is dynamic, and it is changeable over time (Purkey, 1988). Well as I have
learned, this can be done. I have thought very little of myself for a long time and now that I have
learned about the different aspects of communication, I am learning to think better about myself
and I am learning how to talk and communicate with others. Not understanding yourself can
make a huge difference in how your relationships are. The way to construct your self-concept is
to accept or reject what others tell you about yourself. Sometimes that is easier said than done
but I think it makes you a stronger person.
Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions
(Cherry, 2014). I dont know if I am good at doing that but I try to be. The ability to express and
control our own emotions is important, but so is our ability to understand, interpret, and respond
to the emotions of others (Cherry, 2014). It is very useful to be able to be able to tell how a coworker or your significant other is feeling. I hope that you are learning something from the
things I am talking about in my letter. I just want to help you two have a happy and healthy
relationship, whether it ends in marriage or not. My parents did not stay together because they
did not and could not communicate and as I am learning from this class I am taking, it takes
communication to make a relationship work. Because the ability to perceive and understand
emotions in others is an important component of emotional intelligence, persons with higher
emotional intelligence should have a greater ability to experience empathy. Salovey and Mayer
(1990; Mayer & Salovey, 1997) posited that empathy is an important component or correlate of
emotional intelligence (Schutte, Malouff, Bobik, Coston, Greeson, Jedlicka, Rhodes and
Wendorf, 2001). I believe this is true by how my relationship is with my spouse.

There are four branches of emotional intelligence and they are as follows: perceiving
emotions, reasoning with emotions, understanding emotions and managing emotions. Sometimes
these four things are hard to do but we all have to work on it so all of our relationships whether
they are intimate or not will work. The first step of understanding emotions is to be able to
accurately perceive them which may mean we have to be able to understand nonverbal signals
such as body language and/or facial expressions (Cherry, 2014). This is something very new to
me because I react with my emotions but did not understand truthfully what doing this meant.
The next step is to use emotions to promote thinking and cognitive activity (Cherry, 2014).
Using emotions to think is something else I would not have figured even go together. And to
make it even harder, the emotions we see others showing carry quite a few different meanings. If
your co-worker comes to work upset, it could be that you could have possibly made a mistake
with some of your work; they could have received bad news concerning their family, or any
other number of things. Regulating emotions, responding appropriately and responding to the
emotions of others are all important aspects of emotional intelligence (Cherry, 2014).
Qualities such as understanding others' emotions, having the ability to help others
regulate their moods positively, and being able to regulate and harness one's own emotions when
interacting with others may help individuals build satisfying long-term relationships. Therefore,
one would expect that persons with higher emotional intelligence would have better marital
relationships and greater marital satisfaction than would those with lower emotional intelligence
(Qualities such as understanding others' emotions, having the ability to help others regulate their
moods positively, and being able to regulate and harness one's own emotions when interacting
with others may help individuals build satisfying long-term relationships. Therefore, one would
expect that persons with higher emotional intelligence would have better marital relationships
and greater marital satisfaction than would those with lower emotional intelligence, 2001).

Having emotional intelligence in marital satisfaction will help your relationship grow. Take it
from someone who has been married for 20 years, keeping any lines of communication is a plus.
Also make sure this is something both of you want because it will not work if just one of you is
trying to make it work.
Self-disclosure is defined as a process of communication through which one person
reveals himself or herself to another. It comprises everything an individual chooses to tell the
other person about himself or herself, making him or her known. In any relationship, selfdisclosure can keep it good. You have to be able to talk and let the other know what is wrong or
what is good. Self-disclosure is also one of the most important factors affecting the quality of

close relationships (Kito, 2005). That is why couples need to start out sharing all information
so they wont have to guess or wonder. Self-disclosure is what it is. It is a way for us as a
people to share with others their feelings, doubt, and happiness. Most people dont want to
hear about your problems all the time they want to hear about good positive things in your
life. And that is what you should share with your significant other. Self- disclosure will be a
great tool to help you with your marriage and relationship. Being able to tell your partner
things you wouldnt tell anyone will make your relationship better.
We are going to prepare to see how to manage interpersonal strategies. Conflict in any
relationship is inevitable. But how you deal with it is what will make or break your
relationship. We are not just talking about intimate relationships; we are talking about all of
your relationships. Conflict occurs for many reasons. The biggie is the lack of
communication, no strong leadership or decision making, and unresolved prior conflict. I
will use my parents as an example again. Any conflicts they had, they would not talk about it
or try to resolve it. They would just make it seem like it didnt occur or they would just make
it seem like nothing was wrong and they would both just continue to do what they are doing

separately, which led to them divorcing. I want you two to be able to talk to one another
about anything. I want you to do what it takes to stay happy. I feel as though my spouse and I
did not do this either and our relationship could have been better. Most of the time I was
afraid to say anything to him about my feelings because whenever we did have a
conversation, I either couldnt say what I was feeling or it was always wrong to him so I just
would not say anything. That is not how a relationship or marriage should be. Make sure to
start out talking about everything and you should be able to always talk about any and
everything.
If we cant communicate, we cant make any situation work or get any work or jobs
done. There are a few questions that need to be asked before you work on any conflict or
situation. 1. Is the conflict issue really worth the effort to resolve it? 2. Is the other person in the
conflict really important to me? 3. Will talking about the issue really improve our relationship?
4. Am I willing to spend the necessary time and energy talking about the issue and helping the
other person by listening? 5. Have I chosen an appropriate time and place for this confrontation?
If you answer yes to any of them, then proceed to trying to solve the problem. If the answers are
no then you should probably look for a different way to handle your conflicts. But these
questions are very helpful when trying to resolve conflicts. When you are talking about your
spouse the answer should be yes to all of them. You should be willing to do whatever it takes to
make the relationship work. I keep saying this because this is one of the main objectives to
having a great marriage and/or relationship. Managing interpersonal conflict will help you solve
any problems or figure out if the problem is worth solving or worth your time and energy to even
worry about. Any conflicts in the work place should be questioned because from my experience
there are just people there that want to argue or just cause problems. But when it comes to your

spouse or significant other, there should always be that want and desire to make the relationship
work.
Getting married is one of the best feelings and one of the biggest steps you will make in
your life. Communicating or being able to communicate is one of the main ways to your
relationship and/or marriage together. You should take time every day to talk about each of your
days and how they made you feel, whether it was good or bad. Think of new ways to incorporate
communication so your marriage and relationship will last.