Hartman 1!

Rahel Hartman
Cosmin Ritivoiu
English 2
4 February 2015
Courtship According to the Fifth Commandment
God has created families to work perfectly together, to be united, and to support each
other. When families follow God's ideals, the children and the parents cooperate and respect each
other. The ten commandments state the following: "Honor your father and your mother, that your
days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you" (Exodus 20:12). God asks for
children and youth to honor their parents not only because it is right, but also because it is a
benefit to them. One context in which honoring and following parental advise is essential is in
that of courting.
It would greatly benefit young people if before considering marriage and courting they
would first ask their parents their honest opinion and respect the advise they give. Ellen White in
her book titled "Letters to Young Lovers" counsels that parents and children should cooperate
when considering a relationship or courting.
Should a son or daughter select a companion without first consulting the parents,
when such a step must materially affect the happiness of parents if they have any
affection for their children? And should that child, notwithstanding the counsel
and entreaties of his parents, persist in following his own course? I answer
decidedly: No; not if he never marries. (White 45)

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Considering marriage is a very life changing decision to make; children and parents should work
together when making this important decision. White is very straightforward that the decision
will greatly effect both the parents and their child. She also points out that it is important for
youth to listen to the advise of their parents.
Many times it is hard for young adults to trust their parents judgements when they are
courting. In many instances this is because they have not spent time together so that they are
comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. It is important for the children to honor their
parents especially in regard to courtship. Cultivating honor and respect in children is not
instantaneous, it starts when the children are very small. "If children would be more familiar with
their parents, if they would confide in them, and unburden to them their joys and sorrows, they
would save themselves many a future heartache" (White 45). The cooperation of parents and
their children can have a great impact on the happiness of the family members. As children learn
from a young age to share their problems and excitements with their parents, they are prepared to
trust their guidance when they are considering courtship.
When parents learn to communicate well with their children from an early age they can
be an enormous blessing to their children. Ellen White explains more on this topic:
Children who are Christians will esteem above every earthly blessing the love and
approbation of their God-fearing parents. The parents can sympathize with the
children, and pray for and with them that God will shield and guide them. (White
45)

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The influence of Godly parents is so great, as they pray and provide Godly counsel for their
children. The children can honor and love the parents God has given them; in turn helping them
as they make the decision of a life partner.
Sadly, many youth do not understand the blessing that their parents' counsel can be in
their lives. Unfortunately, in many circumstances they do not take advantage of this God given
blessing. Youth often ridicule and disrespect their parents' advice; by doing this they often cause
themselves harm and disobey God's law. White speaks of how much harm can be done when
children do not honor God's law and their parents. "Had this commandment been more respected
than it has been,had children been obedient to their parents and thus honored them,how
much suffering and misery would have been spared" (White 47). Many families have brought
upon themselves needless pain and suffering, because they dishonored the advise of their parents
when considering marriage.
In many instances the young adults do not have sufficient understanding and wisdom to
be able to clearly make wise decisions. In these times parental counsel can be so helpful for them
to see the real situation. White explains: "The inexperienced child cannot discern what is for her
best good, and how to wisely choose a companion who will make her life pleasant and happy;
and an unhappy marriage is the greatest calamity that can befall both parties" (White 47). Young
people tend not to know what kind of person would make them happy. As parents see their
children grow up they understand their children's personalities and habits, therefore they can be
well informed as they advise their children in courting.
Godly parents are definitely a blessing from God that should not be lost sight of and
abused. When courting, youth often forget that honoring their parents' counsel is important. As

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God's Word is studied and obeyed Christian young people will see the blessing of honoring their
parents as God commands so "that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is
giving you" (Exodus 20:12). They will be able to live happily as a family following God's law.

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Works Cited
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (ESV), Containing the Old and New Testaments.
Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011. Print.
White, Ellen Gould Harmon. Letters to Young Lovers. Mountain View, CA: Pacific Pub.
Association, 1983. Print.