Ernests Worst

Day Ever

Written and Illustrated by

Bridgette Patterson

Ernests Worst
Day Ever
Written and Illustrated by
Bridgette Patterson

For Esperanza, Kyonee, Kaydn,

Courtney, Harmony, Sky Ruby, Tanner,
Trevor, Skyler, Lexi, Ryker, MyKenzie,
Brylie, Carter, and Cambria.

Ernest was just a regular leaf and life was

good.
He had lots of nice things; on his birthday his
mom and dad had given him a brand new
stick.
His favorite possession in the whole world was
his pet rock, Ronnie.
Ronnie was very smart for a rock and knew
lots of tricks.

Stay Ronnie,
stay!

One day while walking home from school with

a girl in his class, Kathleen, who lived in his
neighborhood, Ernest felt an itch in his nose,
so he scratched it.
Ew! Ernest! Dont pick your nose! cried
Kathleen.
I wasnt picking my nose, Earnest said. I
was just scratching it.
You were too picking it - I saw! You are going
to get a virus!
Well, Ernest had never heard of a virus, and
he didnt believe Kathleen anyway. She was
just a dumb girl.

I was NOT picking my nose, Kathleen, said

Ernest. But now I AM!

Ernest made an ugly face and stuck his finger

up his nose. At the very same moment a gust
of wind came by sweeping Kathleen into the
air, off to who knows where.

Hmm, observed Ernest. I picked my nose

and something wonderful happened. Kathleen
should learn to mind her own business.

That evening after dinner Ernests mom had

to go to a meeting, or the store, or the gym, or
somewhere. Anyway, it was someplace
important, and she did not have time to make
cookies or pie or cupcakes or pudding for
dessert.
Ernest thought he would die without dessert.
Dad, will you make some cookies for us?
No Ernest, said his dad. I am reading my
paper. Go play until your mom gets home.

Ernest went to his room thinking what he

could do. He thought about giving Ronnie a
bath, but then he would be even more hungry
for dessert after all the effort.
He felt a tickly dryness in his nose and
without thinking stuck his finger inside.
Just then, the doorbell rang. He jumped off his
bed and ran to see who was there.

It was Mrs. George from next door.

Hello Ernest. I made too many chocolate chip
cookies this afternoon, said Mrs. George with
a big smile. I thought your family might like
some.
Ernests eyes grew very large, and his mouth
watered at the sight and smell of the soft,
chocolate chip cookies before him.
Thank you very much Mrs. George! said
Ernest.

After Mrs. George left Ernest poured two

glasses of cold milk, one for his dad and one
for himself.
He proudly appeared with a few warm cookies
and a glass of milk for his dad.
Dad! It must be my lucky day! Mrs. George
brought us cookies!
Yes, Ernest, replied his dad. Today must be
your lucky day.

As Ernest sat at the kitchen table with his

own stash of cookies, his nose began to itch a
little. As he started to rub it, he remembered
something very mysterious.
Holy smokes! he said to no one. The first
time I picked my nose today, the wind blew
that Kathleen girl far away from me. Then, I
picked my nose again, and Mrs. George came
with cookies. He began to whisper. Picking
my nose must be my very own super power.

Ernest decided to take Ronnie outside for a

walk, to think about all that had happened. He
knew he must be very careful not to pick his
nose for just any old reason. He realized that
super powers were only to be used at special
times for special things. He decided he would
only use his nose picking power for good,
unless Kathleen was annoying him, of course.

That night as Ernest lay in bed trying to fall

asleep, he imagined all the things he might use
his super power for: keeping his room clean, or
he could help Miss Edith, his teacher at school,
erase the chalkboard with hardly any effort
at all. Even better, he could substitute the
lunch ladys cooked spinach on Tuesdays for
fudge no, not fudge. It had better be
something healthy, like granola. He drifted off
to sleep with the fingers on both hands tightly
clenched, to be sure he wouldnt pick his nose
in his sleep.

The next morning as Ernest got ready for

school he reminded himself to keep his picking
fingers away from his nose. He wasnt going
to accidentally set off his power again. He
would only use it for special things.

At recess all the little leaves in his class were

playing a game of kickball. It was Ernests
turn to kick. He kicked the ball so hard and
high that it landed on the schools flat roof.
Recess had just started, and everyone was
mad at him for ruining it.
Paulo, the biggest boy in Ernests class, laughed
and said, You better go tell Crabbypants.
The janitor, Mr. Cravants, (the kids called him
Mr. Crabbypants behind his back) was very
old with a wrinlky face like a half eaten,
dried-up apple. He was cranky, and Ernest
was afraid of him.
Yeah, piped Kathleen, and hes gonna be
mad at you. Hell probably make you stay
after school and clean the girls toilets!

Ernest shuddered at the thought of cleaning

the girls toilets after school, but then
remembered Kathleen was a dumb girl who
didnt know anything.
I know how to get that ball off the roof!
exclaimed Ernest. Just you wait and see!
Ernest knew this was his moment. He would
not only save himself from having to face Mr.
Crabbypants, but he would save that ball, save
the game, and save recess! Watch this!
Ernest slowly brought his picking finger up to
his nose and took a deep breath. He closed his
eyes, and braced himself. Everyone! Heads
up! he yelled with authority, and he placed his
finger inside his nostril.

Nothing happened, except that everyone was

staring at him.
The ball did not move, but some of the other
kids started laughing at him.
In an effort to bring out his super power
Ernest stuck the picking finger on his other
hand in his other nostril, and said in a pluggednose voice, Wait! This has to work!

Still, nothing happened. It didnt work.

Kathleen was pointing and laughing so hard
that tears began to stream down her face.
Paulo could hardly breath between his hardy
laughing with alternating snorting noises,
causing his checks to burn red.
Ernest made a little stomp with both feet in a
last effort to command the ball down from
the roof, and then he felt his stomach do a
flip-flop, and a roll.

All at once Ernest felt dizzy. Then the worst

thing ever happened, he threw up his
breakfast.
Ernest had never felt so ashamed and so
embarrassed in his whole life. He felt tears
coming. To cry after all that had happened
would have been even worse, so he did the only
thing he could do, he ran all the way home.

Ernests mom asked him why he was home so

early from school, but all he could do was cry
and say he felt sick. After a hug, she felt his
forehead and told him to go take a hot shower
and climb into bed. She would take his
temperature as soon as he was settled.

All clean and dry, Ernest climbed on his bed

and waited for his mom. He noticed now how
his head felt hot, but he was shivering. The
tears seemed to sting as they came from his
eyes.
He cried out loud some more as he thought
about his stupid super power. Why hadnt it
worked when he really needed it? Why
couldnt he make the ball come down?

When his mom finally came with a

thermometer Ernest was still crying. She gave
him another hug, then handed him a tissue to
blow his nose. Next she took his temperature.
It was 102!
Oh, Ernest, you must have a virus. I wonder
how you got it?
Ernest remembered that stupid Kathleen had
warned him about a virus, and now he had
one, making him throw up at school. He felt
hot and cold at the same time, and lousy all
over. He tried to sit up, but found he couldnt
even do that. He clenched his fists. Oh,
Momma, he sobbed, its because I picked my
nose!

That evening Kathleen came by with a mug of

warm cider and a donut for Ernest. He couldnt
eat the doughnut for fear of throwing up again,
but he sipped the warm cider and it felt good on
his throat.
Im sorry that you got sick, Ernest, Kathleen
said. I should not have laughed at you.
Its okay, Kathleen. Ernest replied, You were
right. I shouldnt have picked my nose.
Kathleen then told Ernest about how a big gust
of wind had swept the ball off the school roof
right after Ernest left the playground. The little
leaves in his class had been blown all over the
schoolyard. Miss Edith made them come in early
from recess.
Ernest decided that Kathleen was all right.
After all, she had brought him some warm cider
and a doughnut. Perhaps they could be friends,
even if she was a dumb girl.