Hopefully through this you get to know me and understand me

better. Again, thank you for reading and God bless.

Thoughts as I Burn at the Stake
How did I get here, when did I become this person?
How did I learn this, to transcribe this hurting?
Into an art form which people enjoy
When did I make the transition to man from boy?
Am I really happy or is this face just trickery?
And even I'm fooled because I'm really in misery
If I'm lying to myself, how long will I keep this charade
Going and how long until it blows up like grenades
When it blows up will it take me along?
If it does, I pray that you play this song

Part 1: Me
Thank You God. If youre reading this, I just want to thank you so
much. This is really the culmination of my lifes work as far as
poetry goes. Ironically, poetry has helped me more than words
could ever express. That never stopped me from trying though.

I was caught up in nonsensical, pleasurable and whimsical

I just wanted to be happy, call it hedonistical
I was a lover not a fighter, but would fight if I needed to

I was one to speak my mind, so you'd know if I needed you

Remember me at my best for I truly regret my worst
But despite all I said, I'd never regret my words
Just know these words I speak live on through eternity
And even if I feel the heat externally these words will never burn
with me
As I die at this stake, I've shared all that is on my mind
As those flames climb that pine to end my life
Remember my lines, study those rhymes
I smile and hold my head to the sky
They think they've killed me, when in actuality I could never die
Through these words I've become immortalized

Thats Me
I'm a person who tries to see the humor in everyday situations
But I feel I'm intelligent enough to know when not to joke.
I think I might be socially awkward when I get emotionally hurt
That's something I'm going to have to get over
I'm extremely vocal when it comes to my emotions
So everybody I know pretty much knows how I feel about them
I'm arrogant at times only because I feel like I'm the only person
on my team
And somehow my arrogance will compensate for that
I also am good being alone
But I always feel a need to have someone around
That's me

Who am I to Worry?
Power in my words when I speak, I hope everybody listens
People say that I'm deep, I thank God they pay attention
It's a girl that I love, her name I'm scared to mention
Maybe we could be but we're in the wrong dimension
We probably met too early, I just wasn't who I like

I wasn't acting right, I might have missed my wife

That's life though and trust me I'm living
I don't squander every opportunity that I'm given
I've made some mistakes, as of now I don't regret them
I just had obstacles and silly me I let them
Conquer me, they brought me down
My biggest mistake was letting the enemy see me frown
Now I smile, my problems, I try to overcome
I've failed a lot, but then I remember that I'm young
And youth is a blessing
I remember it's never that serious to be stressing
Because I'm greater than my problems, I'm greater than my
struggles
That's why I thank God, even in my troubles
I know He'll see me out, even though I'm not worthy
I know Who's I am, so who am I to worry?

Im Good
I'm good, I had to get right for me
Down the tunnel, I saw no light for me
Going down a path to my own destruction
I looked in the mirror, I saw nothing
Well nothing I could recognize from before
And I couldn't talk to anyone, not even the Lord
Personal problems, this was my crisis
Inside me, I wanted to kill the nice kid
I hated him, I felt he ruined my chances
He was the reason girls shunned my advances
If I didn't hate him, I wanted him gone
I'd move on in life without him along
So basically I became the biggest jerk
I killed the nice kid, I hoped it hurt
I thought if I behaved like this, I would grow
At the end of the day, myself I didn't know
Blinded by that pain and internal confusion

Then I heard a voice, it was oh so soothing

It said "remember me, turn around, you need me"
Confused, I thought I had left him bleeding
But in my presence here he stood
"Look deep inside yourself, remember you're good"
I can't be good, it never helped me in the past
And even if I try, how long will it last?
"Trust yourself, don't let this darkness change you"
I then understood, thank God for my angel
He shined light on me like some sunshine would
Thank the Lord I can finally say that I'm good

Crossroads

Who am I though
But a genius, foolishness spewing from his pie hole
But what do I know
At the crossroads of a legend and a sideshow
This really is a pivotal point in my adult development
I'm supposed to be somebody, I hear my mama yelling it
It's hard though and no I'm not complaining
But I've fallen and failure can be draining
I know all the steps, I just can't force myself to take them
I can't get my footing, I'm slipping cause it's raining
I need to pray more but I'm afraid to talk to God
I know it's awful, because I claim to walk with God
You see I do but I do from across the street
I have to keep Him close, I need Him watching me
I love the Lord, I am His anointed, I'm chosen
I really need to do better, I can't leave Him disappointed
I won't leave Him disappointed

19
Just turned nineteen, that's one year from twenty, that's pretty
scary
That means I'm approaching that age where people get married
But me I don't want none of that, I'm not saying I'd run from that
But one I cross that line, I fear there is turning back
My dad met my mom back when he was nineteen
What if I meet my son's mom and I don't say the right things
What if I meet her and I'm just not ready to settle down
I just couldn't calm my rebel down
What if a girl I shunned could've been the one
And then as the years run, I find myself without a wife or a son
Honestly the thought is frightening
That my whole life could change because of a mistake that I
made when I was nineteen

Night and Day/ Day and Night

I want to be lyrical
But what are lyrics if the world never hears it though?
I want to be the man but am I taking the right steps
Or am I missing the point like I'm sleep and my flight left
I claim I want to be the greatest but I don't know if I mean it
All I know is I write words and people are astounded by the
meaning
Or astounded that I was the one that freed them
From the depth of my confused mind, like they must've just been
blind
Because they never saw me like I came from behind and became
this way overnight
Like I spontaneously just learned to write
Like I didn't have the ability to speak this life
They say I'm like two different souls, call me day and night
The day I think is how the world sees me
Before the night comes and it truly frees me

The day is so scary, I feel that no one understands me

Not even my family, but I put on a smile and try to be friendly
But when the night hits, my true self comes out
These crazy words I spout are born from my mouth
I just go to that place
That one and only place I truly feel safe
The only place where no one's around
No one's there to bring me down
I approach my paper, I pick up a pen
I write down my struggles, write down my sins
I thank God for life, it's through Him that I live
Go to sleep wake up, then I do it again
It's night and day

Problems

I always think. That God isn't worried about my problems

When in actuality He's the only one who could solve them
When I do pray all I do is show my gratitude
I often worry I might have the wrong attitude
Because I need help but I never ask for it
I'm getting too cold, Goldilocks' porridge
Cold to this world, cold to these people
Often scared I will succumb to these evils
The evils that plagued my family tree
And more sickness is not what my family needs
I sometimes feel like I'm in need of a change
And then somehow that would ease my pain
What if I picked up that bottle or hit that blunt
Then would I have that feeling that I want?
I don't ask God about this because it doesn't seem important
I first pray for the sick, shut in, the starving orphans
Why would He care about these thoughts in my head?
He should worry about everyone else instead
I admit I need help, but I would never ask
My problems are like a villain forever masked
But will they ever be unveiled?
If not, how long will they be concealed?
My problem is I feel an emotional detachment
I don't feel whole as if I'm a fraction
A fraction of the person I could be
And I feel that I'm not where I should be
At this point in life, I've disappointed myself
And it all goes back to the ambition I felt
I thought I was destined for greatness
I saw support but they faked it
Those were my dreams, my dreams are gone
I hate the fact I couldn't prove them wrong
They never believed in me, part of me hates them for that
Now I'm bitter on the inside and I blame them for that
I'll try to move on, but I can't right now

I try to be happy, but I just can't smile

I hate myself, I couldn't make my dream come true
And I don't ask for help, so no blessings come through
I blame myself, I just should've been better
God and I should've spoken together
Now I don't know and I am confused
And all around me have been abused
I always have the feeling no one understands
I wouldn't question God, but I know this is His plan
Was it in His plan for me to be lost and lonely?
In this cold world, me and me only
I'm broken for real, just going through the motions
At a certain point I just said forget my emotions
Because I keep getting hurt no matter what I do
So does it really matter what girl I choose?
Should I go from girl to girl looking for no commitment
And run the first time a woman shows commitment

And every night I am back at this

Honestly I just want happiness
Because guys like that really do seem happy
Is that a way I could really be happy?
I was always one for monogamy
But girls were always dodging me
That hurt, I don't want to feel that pain again
I won't let these girls treat me like a lame again
Dilemmas man, I hate my problems
Then I get to thinking, did I make my problems
If I was a better person would I be emotionally dead
99 problems, half are girls the other half are in my head
And the girls, for whom my heart bled
Do I want them in my heart or do I want them in my bed
Life is hard with all these problems
I don't know if I caused them
But into a monster they have blossomed
And I don't want to tell the One who can solve them

And Shawn had to move on

Because he had no choice
He was just a boy
Who at eighteen, had lost almost everything, she was the one
constant and now she was gone
He thought she loved him, he wasn't wrong
She loved Shawn, but she loved him more
When you love someone you have to let them leave through that
door
With hope they could really be happy
You're eighteen, you can't provide, you're her friend not her
daddy
And really the thing that hurts the most is
Your best friends are in love and you can't help but notice
And question why are they so happy and I'm so alone
Why can't I just have someone to love and call my own
If she loved me, how could she ever leave me?
If I could never leave her, I needed her to need me
I needed her, l needed her to teach me
She's gone now, but she knows that she can reach me

Part 2:
Inspirations
Shawn Hunter
I feel like death, I hope I don't die
If I do die though, just know I lived a life
Filled with happy times and Lord knows there were bad times
Yeah I made mistakes, that doesn't mean I'm a bad guy
I always hated that I was more Shawn Hunter than Cory
Matthews
I think I was broken because I couldn't have you
Even Angela left Shawn

I talked to God about you, it was a long conversation

About how I thought you were His greatest creation
And I thanked Him for placing you in my life
Those were my prayers I prayed every night

I prayed that He would watch over you, that he would always

protect you
Even though you left me, I could never neglect you
You have my heart, it's unfortunate but that's how it goes
I just love you too much to give up hope

Margolis

He led her wrong, she was 18 months sober

Her days of shooting up are over
She met him she thought they had the same goal
Just to get clean get their minds under control
Free themselves from the dreadful dependency
But really the plan was of contingency
Because she really hated go to those meetings
And around every corner there's a dealer greeting
The temptation is like a murderer stalking your tracks
One day you good, the next you're dead on your back
Well she was good but then she met him
And before she knew it she was taking a swim
Meaning she was in deep, she was in love
She was happy for once without those drugs
But in her mind happiness was connected with using
So being happy, no drugs, was very confusing
So she got some drugs that were to be injected
She did them with him, he should have redirected
If he loved her he would have protected her from the evils
And now he's up frantically screaming for people
He needed some help but no help arose
She's dead, 26, drug overdose

The Rose That Grew From Concrete

I am a rose, but not Derrick
Life is hard, I can hardly bare it
But I love life, so I cherish
In love with the struggle, what a marriage
In reality, I shouldn't have grown
I mean look at this concrete home
I grow and grow from this stone
I'm here all alone

They threw rocks and yes, I shattered like glass

Broken, broken, there is no way to fix me
All I really want is a way of forgetting
Yeah I know, you can call it repression
But the way I see it, it's better than depression
From the thoughts of the past always in your head
These crazy thoughts of death wishing that you were dead
If I forget, thank God, I'll drink until I can't
Drink it all until I fall, no longer stand
Then take the bottle and chuck it at the wall
I see the shattered glass and I don't remember at all

In reality I've exceeded expectations

I would never ask for an explanation
Of why God put me here on this nation
Growing out of this solid foundation
Yes my petals are physically damaged
But despite my flaws I've managed
Don't judge me because my petals are tainted
Celebrate me because I made it
I lived when it would have been so easy to die
Respect my desire to reach the sky
I know my environment isn't the best
But honestly I know I'm blessed
I'm alive and that's all I could hope to be
I thank God for molding me
So I could be what I was supposed to be
The Rose that grew from that cold concrete

Shattered Glass
Sip, sip, sip, swallow, swallow, swallow
Tell me, when I reach the end of this bottle
Will I forgot all this pain I don't wish to remember
Like how I can't recollect ninety five the eighth of September
They brought it up today, the events of the past

Trees and Seeds

I dont want to change what they think, I want to change how they
think
You need to understand that every blessing is a blink
I mean every blink is a blessing
And every failure is a lesson
Every downfall isnt tragic
And simple things are magic
We should take nothing for granted
You shouldve seen that tree, it was a seed when it was planted
Thats amazing and beautiful to see
Who knew what potential laid within that tree?
Were seeds and we too have untapped potential
And one day we could all be something monumental
This is life and to live it is a privilege

Not everybody made it so lets live magnificent

Who wouldve thought wed be these big trees with leaves
When the same leaves brought us to shame as seeds

Heartbreak
What else is there to say, I have no words left
I've loved, I've lost, I've learned, I've wept
Salty tears, I wouldn't wish that taste on any tongue
People tell me I have time, they tell me I'm young
While this is true, pain is pain, no matter the age
So my pain your pain it's all the same
This is that pain that won't ever be forgotten, always remembered
That pain you feel when your heart is dismembered
And you try to get through it by telling yourself it'll be fine
But being fine is the last thing on your mind
You just want an explanation for the sake of your heart
Why is it broken in such minuscule parts?
Could all the pain have be avoided?
Could you have saved your heart before you destroyed it?
These thoughts they never go away from your mind
You say you should have known, biased sight, hind
You want a second chance, to go back to the beginning
Forrest Gump mindset: "why don't you love me Jenny?"
Unfortunately the one you love won't see the light
That for them, only you will be right
You always have hope they'll see before it's too late
But you know they won't and that's quite a weight
I have no address, so guess where I stay
An old rundown hotel, I call it Heartbreak

Pac Taught Me
I have Ambitionz az a Ridah, Pac taught me that
I keep my head up, Pac taught me that

If you ain't talking Pac, stop talking give me facts

If you are unfamiliar, I'm talking real raps
I've learned more from Tupac than I've ever learned from a
teacher
There's a girl Pac touched when her father couldn't reach her
If I'm being real, Ghetto Gospel changed my life
Works like that are what inspired me to write
I never knew rap could be like that
A rapper never spoke to me like that
He gave me hope, hope for the future
Life was steady testing and Pac was my tutor
And I was passing though I was misunderstood
He taught me to use this misunderstanding for good
I just wrote down my thoughts, I never really cared if people
listened
Pac taught me if you tell the truth, the people pay attention
And when people pay attention, they know about the issues
I'm a human, I can live, you're a human, you can live too
Black is just a color, it means we have more melanin
White is just a color, that doesn't make you any less heaven sent
We need to see the light
All this petty arguing is so short of sight
We're all here and this life is nothing short of a miracle
I know it should be obvious, sometimes we need to hear it though
Tupac, your wisdom gave me light
I was consumed in the darkness, Pac, you saved my life

Part 3: Love

Me and my love, we are back together

This poetry, this love, mine forever

The End of the World

Look, look I think the sky is falling
Listen, I can hear my mama calling
She showed me the events on the television
And the picture portrayed are beyond my recognition
I saw reds, oranges, yellows, the sky ablaze
This exhibition gave my face a look of amaze
I knew this was the end, the finale of the earth
My life flashed before my eyes, starting with my birth
With the world ending, what is life really?
Things just aren't the same, such conflicting feelings
I always had the feeling tomorrow was promised
But now there's no more tomorrow's upon us

This Love
It's like me and the poetry were married and started to grow apart
The poetry was my light but I chose to dwell in the dark
Truthfully, I was scared of the truth
I knew I was in trouble, I never wanted the proof
I fell into a place where I started listening and caring for peoples'
opinions
Seeking their approval, for them I was living
I was living in fear, I was living in the past
Crushed that I could never build anything that would last
I needed something, so I set out to seek it
Something different, so new places I would frequent
Places strange, far away from what I was accustomed
In actuality, seeking someone or something I could get love from
I came to realize that love doesn't come from superficial things
Like clothes, money, cars, diamond rings
The love I sought is and was always inside of me
It is the love of God and the poetry, again my bride to be

Really, this is such a beautiful chaos

It's time to take risks, casinos, Las Vegas
But what is the risk that I should take?

What is a decision that I never made?

I should go to her house and display how I feel
Before it's all over, before we are killed
I just can't go out like a coward today
This is the last day, I have to be brave
There's no time to be scared, no time for fear
No time for thinking, I don't have a year
I have a few hours, that's all I've got
It's the end, I never thought
That it would ever come down to this
I went to her house and I gave her a kiss
I sat watching the end with this girl
She was holding me and I was holding my world

The hate truly was just misunderstanding

But keeping everything together was just too demanding
Sometimes its just easier to end it
When the relationship is broken and no one wants to mend it
And they feel like they hate the time they spent together
But they really hate the fact that they couldn't last forever

Love I: Pseudo Love Fades

Society has a messed up concept of what love is
Love is God is what I was taught as a kid
They see love physical and barely spiritual
They don't realize a spiritual connection is critical
Its hard to stay with someone if you're not on spiritual accord
I guess that's why so much marriage ends in divorce
They were in love, I thought they would never split
How people fall in and out of love is something I'll never get
They were in love or at least they thought
They were blinded by a pseudo love so they both lost
Losing Faith in Love
Love II: To Love and Lose
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
The best mindset to take if one day you ever do fall
Because no one ever wants to feel like they've wasted time
And they don't want to reminisce to when they called each other
"mine"
At the beginning everything was great
But thing just got difficult and love turned into hate

I know my mama loves me

But why do I feel unloved?
Why am I so empty?
Where can I be filled?
I see beautiful women and feel rejected before they reject me
Confidence at an all-time low
If they all wanted me would I have that feeling I desire?
Would my sexual conquests of women who don't matter fill me?
Am I destined for women of ill repute?

I tried the good girl

It didn't work
What am I supposed to do?
Nobody wants me and I feel unloved
I try to initiate and they reject my advances
Or I get the number and we text or tweet
It never lasts
I just want something meaningful
I'm beginning to doubt its existence
I'm losing my faith in love
Estoy perdiendo la fe en el amor
Je perds la foi en l'amour
Sto perdendo la fede in amore

I feel stupid, lost in my ignorance

If I wasn't me, I think that would've made a difference
If I was somebody else altogether
Maybe then we could be with each other
She liked white dudes, I thought I was an exception
But obviously I had the wrong perception
Honestly I just felt like crying
The most pain I could feel without dying
And I feel bad that she feels bad that I feel bad
Should I feel guilty? Because I feel that
Now it hurts every time I catch her glance
But I know I just have to advance
The thing that really keeps me in misery
Is knowing we'll always have this history
I messed up everything with my feelings
Click clack. Bang bang. They killed me

Bang Bang
Bang bang. I'm hit, I've been hurt yet again
And it was all my fault potentially lost a friend
Because I wanted something more than what I had
And Unfortunately it all ended up bad
Truthfully I just blame myself
Things would be cool if I concealed how I felt
Life would be better as a quiet admirer
Because I got hurt when I openly admired her
I told myself I would experience no more pain
But at the end the results were the same
As with other girls as years went by
And as my age augments, so do the tears I cry
The whole situation really was Embarrassing
And believe me, I was burned, fire, kerosene
For me I thought she was the perfect fit
She was nice but I misinterpreted
That to mean something more
But at the same time obvious signs I ignored

Love VII
I treat these women right, I have all along
Despite that they love guys who do them wrong
That's real, they would deny it but it's true
I'm sitting here like "what am I to do?"
I know a guy like me could never ever win
So why would I ever try again?
I wouldn't, I won't subject myself to that

There is no purpose in wanting those who don't want you back

It's just a new day, same game, more pain
All the pressures on me, I'm surprised I ain't changed
I know if I ran through these girls, no respect
Feelings like these, I would never detect
But I could never change, I was raised so right
Life is a struggle, but I was raised to fight
My friend told me "I don't chase no more,
Before I know it she be standing at my door."
My reply was "But how could you be sure?"
"Easy, just have faith in the love of the Lord."

I know I seem strong but it hurts me

I hate the fact that to her I will never be worthy
Those high standards that I could never meet
Makes me wish I never spent those months and weeks
Chasing after something so unattainable
Like I'm looking for gold at the end of a rainbow
Unfortunately I'm like a 92 Accord, she wants a Corvette
Just painting a picture of my pain, quite a portrait
Life is rough and I have to be tough
All I ever wanted was to be good enough

Love VIII

Insecurities
Look hard but I swear you'd never see
All my deep seeded insecurities
That feeling you get when you feel you're not good enough
You know that feeling when Aphrodite deserted us
Why couldn't I have been born someone else
Someone with fame, fortune, the looks, the wealth
I think about it all and I get so mad at it
Thoughts swirling, will I ever be adequate?

I can't get you off my mind, so are you supposed to be there?

Thinking about my life, I know it's not supposed to be fair
But just one time, I want to be lucky
And see that one day when you say that you love me
That desire's so deep, my soul's abyss
The abysmal ditch of wished wishes gone amiss
And I know you know how deeply I care
Even though it was a risk my feelings I shared
That moment always replays in my head
Cut so deep, from my heart, I bled
My mind said give up on you
But I had to spend my love on you
You were the perfect fit for me at least I thought
And the more I felt rejected, the more I talked
I regret that I should've just shut my mouth
But I ended up talking about something I knew nothing about
The last thing I want is for you to have bad blood towards me
I want good for you, but do you want good for me?
I want the best for you because you deserve it all

I want another just like you if I ever do fall

I hate these thoughts they're always in my head
I wish I would ponder importance instead
But no. Will it be like this for the rest of my life?
Or until the day when I find my wife?
I know it's terrible for her I still maintain hope
I know it would be healthy if I was letting go
But I can't because despite everything I really do love that girl
And without her I would have no world
Extreme I know but those are my feelings
But how could I know if they're the real things?
I'm young, like what could I possibly know about love?
Inexperienced, how would I even go about love?
And how could I even love someone who could never love me
back?

What makes the love a lie and what makes it fact?

I mean what makes it true? What makes it real?
Will I feel like I'm supposed to feel?
What if it was her with the problems, what if it's not me?
What if there's a chance we really could succeed?
I wish I had answer to every single question
All the uncertainty, I've grown to detest it
In my mind, everything would've worked out great
Unfortunately, reality didn't relate
Maybe she's scared to commit, scared to share herself
We can all get over fears with a little help
Maybe she's scared of me, maybe I'm scared of her
Maybe all this thinking is a bit absurd
I know it is, but I write it anyway
I'm a pure writer, word to Ernest Hemingway
I write these feelings maybe one day she'll read them
When in actuality, it's me who needs them
I'm just a guy who can't get over a girl
Like why can't I get over this girl?
She's everything to me
She's everything I need
With her, I'm my best me
On my mind endlessly
Even when I go to sleep
I love her... But she just doesn't love me

True Love
Last year I wrote this poem for you
It was apology for how I did wrong to you
It was for your eyes only

It was my way of showing

The mistakes I made were huge
I hoped I hadn't sealed my fate with you
I never wanted for us to be strangers
I never knew feelings could bring danger
I took a chance, I made a plan, I'm just a man
We could have danced, I hold your hands, more than friends
But it didn't happen like I mapped it, it was tragic
I know one day I'll be laughing, it hasn't happened
I'm sorry, I know my expectations killed us
I was attached to our product never focused on the buildup
Convinced that I loved you, when I really didn't know you
So I went through things that I didn't have to go through
I was heartbroken because I never loved myself
It was never a result of how you feel or never felt
I have love now, I didn't have it then
I now know that true love comes from within
I never gave her the poem. This is the poem.
Who am I to you? But that fool that you knew
That fool who told you he fell, like he slipped in some goo
Who am I to you but that boy who told you the truth
The truly true truth about his feelings for you
Tell me, is that all to you that I be?
Are those your lone feelings for me?
If they are, I view that as a shame
I admit, our history is strange
Full of so much misery and pain
But despite the strain, perception is the same?

Admittedly, I view you quite differently

Though we had some deficiencies, I still want you as a friend to
me
Before, I saw you as my life, my future wife
And I had to accept you would never be by my side
It took so long because it really did feel like quitting
I really did know the prize I thought I was getting
A prize so beautiful, delicate, rare
I would give my life for your perpetual stare
Who knew it would end in despair?
I looked around and none were there
I just want you to be happy, even if I cant be with me
I respect you have a future that you cant see with me
I promise Ill show this to no one else
I just wrote this to show how I felt
I wrote this because you are important to me
You are A********* *****n to me
I didnt know you, but I was praying for you to come into my life

That would be so cold, you know, just like February

All I want is you, I dont need a Whitley
Im sure she might be cool, but its only you that gets me
Its only you who lifts me
Its only you, theres no other you, you make life worth living

Past the First Season

I like sundresses and sunny days, eating sundaes on a Sunday
with my one bae
And shes soaking in those sunrays, her brown skin, its lovely
Its crazy that she loves me
Nowhere near her level, but I wouldnt say Im ugly
Theres no way I deserve you, I thank the Lord for you
The best thing about you is just the fact that youre you
The crazy thing is that you dont even really need me
I know your friends ask why you dont leave me
I guess we have something greater, weve been through a lot
And despite all there was against us, were still in this spot
This is a different world, were Dwayne and Denise
This goes past the first season, this is how its supposed to be
I read these poems to you and you sing those songs to me
Stay here with me, youre not supposed to leave
Dont you go to Africa, please dont come back married

Forrest Gump
We were watching Forrest Gump, that movie always made me
cry
The reason why, it's kind of the story of my life
I mean the love part, not the rest
I suck at ping pong, I'm not a Vietnam vet
It's ironic that Forrest was always running but could never catch
Jenny
You know that girl, the one from the beginning
She was supposedly the one for him and he was there for her
He saw the world wasn't fair and he was scared for her
He loved her, but she just didn't know what love was
He stayed loyal though, I guess that's just what love does
Could you ever love someone so unconditional
That you would cross the country if ever they did mention you
That you would keep forgiving past all of the damages
You love her too much and you just can't manage it
She's bad for you, and you know it to be true
But she makes your life worth living, so what are you to do?
Forrest waited for her, you see here's the part that gets me
She was ready to slow down, but there was something wrong
with Jenny
She was finally with the man who had always been there for her
He always saw her value, he cared for her
It was just too late, there's never enough time
Tomorrow is never promised, so love while you're alive
The saddest part to me was never Jenny's deteriorating health
It was the fact Forrest loved Jenny more than Jenny loved herself

Dream Situation
It's a dream situation, on the beach we're laying
I look up I see a kid who looks like me playing
With a girl who looks just like you, they're siblings
And even more than that, they are our children
That's amazing, the sun is blazing
But we like it, we're in the Cayman's
This is our first time and probably not our last
Holding on to these precious moments because time flies fast
I'll never forget this, we're here because I'm Santa and this was
on your wish list
I see pretty blue water, we are swimming with the fishes
I see Marlin and Dory looking for Nemo, I hope they find him
My oldest son doesn't want the newborn to outshine him
It's funny because I told my son we all shine
So bright we leave the world all blind
From overexposure to pure awesomeness
I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be awesome with
Family: One of God's greatest gifts

Part 4: Life
Truth and Lies
I'm asking God to speak to me, I want to go blind
And then I'll just transcribe these lines
I don't mean blind as in to not see
I mean blind to things distracting me
I want to maintain the purity of truth
It won't be stolen like the purity of youth
I'm holding on hard my truth won't be taken
To maintain the truth is the quality of great men
The truth seems easy, life makes it hard
Life's obstacles shape who we really are
The truth? It's what a lot can't handle
So they end up getting burned like candles
It's like Halloweentown, perpetual disguises
The truth just isn't as comfortable as those lies is
In reality those lies just help
Maintain or improve how you felt
Because the truth can hurt brutally
Or feel good, given to you soothingly
Do I really want the truth or do I want those lies?
The truth hurts, it brings moisture to my eyes
But those lies could end up being my demise
So don't feed me lies though it's the truth I despise
Pray For Me
You say I'm deep, but what does that mean?
Do you find yourself drowning whenever you read?
Or you're shocked that my words came from me
Like nothing beautiful could be made by me
Okay, it's deep, but tell me just what it did for you
Like what specific feelings did it give to you?
Did it take you back to a time where things were good?

Where you really didn't worry as much as you should?

Or did it take you back to look at that pain
And you read it and thank God life ain't the same
And then you pray for me because I be going through it
And if you don't I pray that you do it
Prayer is necessary because life is temporary
And the thought is so scary that I could be dead and buried
Before I ever have the chance to reach my full potential
And I'll never reach my true finale and feed my credentials
So I beg of you, pray for me
I promise you God has a day for me
I pray for you, you pray for me, basic reciprocity
I really hope the poetry peaks your curiosity

You Are Beautiful

We live in a society where you can't really say how you feel
We're afraid of being judged, so we keep it concealed
They said be yourself, but they never really meant it
They'd love us to be the same, they hate when we're different
They hate when they try but can't place us in a box
They thought they had us in a cage, turns out we picked the lock
We have to speak up, speak out, speak loud, speak proud
Look at the world, scream "Judge me now!"
Show them that all their negativity is extremely unimportant
Just continue to be you, because you are worth a fortune
We need to value ourselves in a society that tells us that we are
inadequate
They see our talent and our beauty and you see they get mad at
it

They want it but the just can't possess it

So what they have to do is make us feel less than
Make us feel unspecial, untalented, unpretty, unloved
See, we are not even below though we are not above
The sad thing is we begin to believe the lies society's feeding us
And despite words of wisdom it is the lies we're eating up
We are great and we most definitely are worth it
So smile, be happy, you most definitely deserve it
Don't believe the lies
You are beautiful
You are worth it
Peace.

For My Sisters II
To be honest, to be honest, I'm in love with that chocolate
I want it, you flaunt it, skin so ebonic
You are heaven sent, I'm in love with your melanin
It's excellent, it's evident that girls like you are prevalent
In my dreams and it seems that your elegance reigns supreme
over things I have seen
I love all your curves, I love your hair, you're a queen
Don't let anyone tell you different, they are liars
I see your plight and I can't tell that you're tired
Of being overlooked and underappreciated
I can feel your struggle, I know you hate it
I care so much because I need you and I love you
And one day I'll have a daughter in need of strong black women
to look up to
I want my daughter to grow up with a chance
I don't want her denied anything because she's not a man
I want her to love herself, I want her to know her worth
Before she loves anyone, she needs to love herself first

To Really Live
You know roses are red, I'll never forget that
I've made some mistakes, but I have to live with that
They say that violets are blue, no they're violet
I was living my life but I was not the pilot
Living for people who world never see me
Just the person that they thought I could be
Living to be a clone in a corrupt society
Where the dumb thrive and the wise just die in peace
Do I want to die or do I want to survive
Is compromising my integrity worth staying alive?
No. I'd rather die than sacrifice my being
I just can't bring myself to go the way you're leading
I'll find my own path, I never needed your way
I have the courage to really live, it seems to me that you're afraid

Ferguson
I shed a tear, I shed a tear for Ferguson
It's police versus them, these police are hurting them
I thought the police were supposed to be protectors
Not pointing loaded weapons at innocent protestors
First amendment run over by these armored vehicles
Dear Lord, you see these people hurting, I'm asking for a miracle
It seems as though not much has changed
From when my grandparents were young, seems the same
I know this hurts Malcolm X, this hurts Dr. King
"I died so my people wouldn't have to go through these things"
It's an understatement to say this sickens, this saddens me
It's going to take a lot to correct this tragedy
What if they never value us? I really do fear that
Is this America? I can't see the flag through the tear gas
Surviving While Black
I broke down because I felt misunderstood
In a society that says I'm always up to no good
Kill me because I'm in a nice neighborhood and I'm wearing a
hood

Or maybe I'm at where you don't think I should

And if ever I was killed they'd try to justify it
They'd say I was troubled, there was a gun that I was hiding
They'd say they were investigating me for something I had done
As if that justifies not calling 911
So I lay there, dying, bleeding in the street
I've already died, still they try to crucify me
Making up these lies, annihilating my character
This is detrimental to society, they are building up barriers
Building up two sides, pitting us against each other
They try to make us forget that we all need each other
You're my brother, I love you, you're my sister, I need you
So just know when you hurt, I hurt, when you bleed, I bleed too
We are human, we all feel pain
Biology teaches us essentially we are the same
But they teach us that we're different, they teach others that
they're better
These problems that we have will only be solved when we're
together
Tell me, just how is our society to remain intact
When criming while white is less criminal than surviving while
black

Dear CNN, Dear Fox News

My mind has never been clearer than it is right now
I wrote this in cursive, no time to pick up my pen right now
We're in trouble, what world are we leaving for our kids right now
We need to stand up, you want change, I see so many people
sitting right now
This is our world, I mean we're all human
We're the same, but they treat us like mutants
They pulled me over, before I knew, they're shooting
I'm a standup guy, but to these people I'm useless
It just doesn't make sense, they hate me for no reason
Even MLK, peace he was preaching something to believe in, they
didn't want him breathing
That was the sixties and they're still cutting us down
"But what about that brown man who was killed by another man
who was brown?
I mean there wasn't a protest when his body was found
I looked on the news and heard not a sound"
I agree that's a problem but you're missing one key factor
When brown kills brown, brown's arrested right after
Imagine I'm unarmed and a cop shoots me
He gets a pat on the back, as free as can be
Then they would say "that black boy probably deserved it
He was probably flawed, his life wasn't worth it"
There's a wave of lies, the media's like "let's surf it"
That black boy's a demon, this crooked cop is perfect
CNN does this, Fox News too, ridiculous garbage that we call the
news
Don't get me wrong, it's okay to share your views
It's just don't cover up what you say, say what you mean
Tell us how you hate that boy who was killed at seventeen
Tell us how you wish blacks had rights no more
How you wish protests would stop that we would fight no more
That we would just fall down and die, that this would all come to
an end
Talk to us the way that you would talk to your friends

I Dont Want to Die Too Young

I've seen so many young people die, it shouldn't take that for me
to realize that life is a gift
I know sometimes these years seem long, but in actuality, time
goes swift
And I know sometimes I take my time for granted as if this sand
stands still
Then I'm reminded that it's sifting when I see another black man
killed
And I get scared because that really could've been me
Eyes wide open, more woke than ever but I still can't see
A future where I feel comfortable raising a son where black lives
don't matter to the majority
Where my people are hunted by authorities who are supposed to
protect me but still want war with me
But I don't want war, all I ever wanted was peace with a people
who want to see me bleed
And I ask when will it cease, when will we be free?
I want to create a safer world for my children
Just because he's black, all they see "villain"
Walking down the street, all they think "kill him"
Support our young men, we just need to build them

I don't want to die too young, I just want to live to see my son
I've just seen too many die, so many clipped wings just trying to
fly
I don't want to die too young

A prayer of prosperity, a prayer of survival

A prayer for the life and liberty to which we are entitled
I've never been afraid of death. Death isn't a bad thing, but I see
my people dying and it's not slowing down. There's pain in that.

Poetry Saved My Life

I'm sick and tired of these hashtags that pop up every week
A long time ago I thought that could never be me
But then I saw people die who thought it would never be them
But they're gone, some before they could even be men
It's really disgusting and I'm afraid we're being desensitized to my
dying
I don't remember all the names but I remember cops lying
And the public taking all their words as law
And deciding the cop probably had cause
To blow my brains out for some reason or another
Just like they've done with so many of my brothers
When Sandra Bland died, I was really disturbed
The cop had no right but Sandy knew hers
And they arrested her so they had to make up lies
Because she asked but they couldn't give a reason why
They were taking her and she was dead three days later
Too young to ever meet your creator
And it just happens over and over again
So I say a prayer for my family and a prayer for my friends

Poetry saved my life, I swear I wouldn't be living

Unless I found a way to transfer that pain that I was feeling
That pain, that hurt, I wish it upon no other soul
The way I describe it is there was this giant hole
That I was stuck in and I just couldn't get out
And this was a problem I could do nothing about
Because the more I try to leave the deeper I fell in
The more I felt that slip away, that improbable win
Out looking like I was about to take that loss
And meet my Father who died on that cross
Then I realized that he bore his cross so I had to bare mine
I saw the light I had been sitting there blind
Death would have become me but I'm here
I lived so afraid, I now have no fear
I survived my situation, I thank God for that
And I'm here to talk about it, I couldve been gone from that
I survived and I'm still here for a reason
All I know is that was not my season
Poetry saved my life

Part 5: Finale
Thank You
First of all thank God, without Him there is no me. I just really
hope you all can see that because thats whats most
important through it all.
Okay, this is the thank you section, there was a poem but I
scrapped it. Also, sorry if I forget anybody. Thanks to my
family, I love yall. Shouts to my sister, Rachel she just
started her freshman year at Cleveland State so thats
whats up. Ill miss you low key. Im proud of you and
everything. Weve been through everything together and I
know youll be successful in college. Dont mess up like I
did lol.
Shouts to my brother, who just started his sophomore year at
Purcell. I dont know if youll ever read this but I really
hope you continually follow your dreams. You inspire me.
And youre also the most annoying human being I have
ever encountered and I low key hate you lol.
Just in case you didnt know I was once a student at OSU but
then I got dismissed for my academics. It would be a
shame if I didnt shout out my friends at OSU still and
people I met there in general.
Shouts to all of my suitemates from the 1600s, Ill never forget
everything we went through that year, Ill always feel like I
let you all down and I really think about you guys often.
Taylor, Dean, Casey, Al, Nic, Kevin, Mustafa, Jesse and
of course Sam who basically lived with us lol.

as you did. And thanks for hanging out with me, freshman
year would have been extremely lonely lol. Oh and
Makeens girlfriend is fine, tell him he has my approval.
Shouts to the 1620s, you guys were cool. Especially Maria and
Grace.
Shouts to my PREFACE family. I love and miss yall. I see you all
grinding and that makes me proud seeing you all grow
and evolve. I really wish things had worked out differently,
so I could be with you all, but thats life. Shout out to Kam,
I always see you making moves. And shoutout to Z, you
are nothing like the person I met 2 years ago, in the best
way possible. I look up to you for real.
And shouts to Josh Cheston and John Folger. Ill never forget the
first night of Preface and we prayed together, that was
really a blessing and the last thing I wouldve expected.
And Josh Im really excited about your photography.
Shouts to Jordan Fraser, Im still mad I never bagged Emily lol.
Me, you, Alex and Dalia had a lot of fun back in those
days. I hope everything is cool with you
Shouts to my PREFACE RA, Rebecca or Rebekka I really dont
know how you spell it lol. Ive been meaning to get in
contact with you, I hope all is well.
Ernest Levert, Im appreciative of you. Jordan Boon, Im
appreciative of you. Alex Claytor Im appreciative of you.
Ill always have love for my NSBE family and my AAV
family. I credit my AAV family for keeping me grounded
during my freshman year. Thanks for letting me hang out
with you guys Chris, Raya and Jerica.

And shoutout to Kevins hoes lol.

Shouts to MiChaela, your words have always been appreciated.

Shouts to the Yasars, Mustafa and Makeen. Im really proud of

you both and Im excited to see what you both do.
Mustafa, I applaud you for dealing with Kevin for as long

Shouts to Janae Wilson, you continually inspire me and seeing

you overseas doing your thing is great. I hope all is well.

Thanks to Anthony too for driving me from Cincinnati to

Columbus that one time. Rides are always appreciated.
(At this point I got tired of writing thank yous)
Shoutout to my LDC family, youre impact on my life cant even
really be expressed in words. Thank you. And Christina Ill
have my letter to you soon.

Shouts to Paris Hoffman, Courtney Foreman, Jasmine Grant,

Min. Bradley, Dana and Kahlille. Blessings all around.
Shouts to Jamal too. And Darian.
Oh and Danas almost 16, you can drive me around now lol.
Shout out to Chipotle Burritos, I love you with all my soul.

Shoutout to Julia Hargrove, we werent really friends until after

high school, but Im really so appreciative of you. You
have a beautiful soul and Im looking forward to a
collection of your poetry.

Thank you Chance The Rapper, you are an inspiration and Israel
(Sparring) is a classic.

Shouts to Ciara Williams, you dont know this but you really
inspired me to start writing and for that inspiration, Ill
always be appreciative. And congratulations on your
beautiful daughter.

Shouts to Tinashe, I love you.

Kendell Bobo, thanks for being a friend and a brother all these
years. I see you grinding and Im praying for you.
Shouts Arthur Reed, Ill send you some beats.
Isaiah aka H2O, I cant wait to hit the studio. Fire bars only.
Shoutout Loverboy Rickie lol.
Shoutout to Jay Hill, Im excited for your future projects.
Brando Ford, we never linked up for that song lol.
Stu Holt, thank you so much for everything. Your words and
motivation have been huge for me in the past, I really
hope God continues to bless you.
Shouts to my Morning Star family.
Shouts to Roger Simmons, we had some really good times back
in those days lol, I really hope everything is going well
with you.
Shouts to Sidney Davis.

Thank you J. Cole and Kendrick Lamar, I really hope your collab
project is coming. The world needs it.

Keke Palmer, ditto.

And Shouts to Zendaya, my future wife.
So this is the end everybody. I hope you learned something. If
you made it all the way to this point, youre a real one.
Oh how could I forget to shout out Tupac Shakur? I have really
learned so much from you and you have had so much
influence on me.
Thats it. If you have any questions or complaints at all just
contact me, like its nothing. I really do hope to have
another project of this magnitude in the future. Maybe in a
year or two.
Thank you.