pieces of my mother

what follows are a few pieces of my mother’s life, but before i share them i would like to say a
few things first. my mothers death was on of the most beautiful experiences of my life. it started
out with a phone call sometime after five in the morning saying my mother would not make it
much longer. i drove from baton rouge to be by my mother's side. i got there and for an hour or
two i sang to her and loved her until she passed. see this could have been bad for me because
this was at a point in time where i was starting to understand my mother’s conditions and really
see her brilliance, and o how i yearned to spend more time in her love. to my upliftment my
mother had touched lives in all areas of life. at her funeral there were over two hundred and
seventy people there saying “madi's the reason i'm alive today”, “mimi is the reason i'm clean
today”, “she’s the reason i'm going to school”, “she’s the reason i graduated”, along with doctors
and professors who where just honored to have met her. this women touched lives with her spare
time.
I’d like to make a quick statement on the forces that aided in my family’s mental distresses.
years ago we were Cajun, it was not just our language but our way of life. it was a culture that
practiced making the best of what we had. mardi gras was a tradition where everyone gave what
ever extra they had, and everyone got together and ate, sang, played music and came together as
a social family. this was not something that happened once a year but all the time. we found
enjoyment out of our surroundings and moreover we lived off the land. well a few decades ago,
the Cajun people were told that they had to go to school and that their way of life was ignorant.
moreover if you spoke Cajun French in the schools you where beaten and treated as if you were
retarded. see we Cajuns were self-sufficient. you could not make a profit off of our way of life.
well free enterprise just would not have any of that. so my family gave up there way of life in
hopes of doing the right thing. my grandfather went off to serve in the military where he was
disabled. he game back and like millions of vets was treated like shit and given no help. all this
aided in the atmosphere that created such insanity. today I hardly speak French, I can’t catch
catfish with my bear hands, but I do love people unconditionally and treat every person the
respect and divinity that I allot for myself and that is what being Cajun is to me.
 Joshua A. Terziu
OBJECTIVE To set shit straight

EDUCATION Z Media Institute, Woodshole, MA

Certificate in radical theory and politics
June 2007

McNeese State University, Lake Charles, LA

Masters in Psychology Applied Behavior Analysis
From January 2007 to May 2007
Graduation date: N/A

McNeese State University, Lake Charles, LA

Acquired B.S. General Studies
Concentration in Mathematics
From August 2005 to December 2006

Louisiana State University, Baton Rouge, LA

Major Engineering, Math Secondary Education
From August 2001 to May 2005

Sulphur High School, Sulphur, LA

High School Diploma
From August 1996 to May 2001
G.P.A. 3.75

RELIVENT
COURSES Courses completed in Mathematics and Sciences include
Calculus one, two, and three, Linear Algebra, Discrete
Mathematics, Euclidean Geometry, Abstract Algebra one,
Number Theory, Matrices, Chemistry I & II, Chemistry
Lab, Intro to Physics, General Physics for technology,
Biology I & II

Courses completed in Social Sciences include

Intro to Psychology, Intro to Sociology, Adolescent
Psychology, Cultural Anthropology, Religious Studies,
Sociology of The Family, Applied Behavior Analysis,
Abnormal Psychology, Collective Behavior Sociology.

Courses completed in Education include

Intro to Education, Reading in Content Areas,
Character Development, over forty observation hours in a
classroom setting.
 a discussion amongst close friends

Anger steps into the room to have a conversation with me. He starts telling me
stories of world wide corruption and chaos. He tells me stories of mass murder on
the account of ignorance. He's playing off of my own ideals and feelings. Then he
starts hitting home with things I’ve seen and done. He tells me tales of death and
betrayal. Stories of close ones dyeing, lovers cheating, and brothers turning there
backs on one another, and I cant lie I took the bait. I tasted the delicious flesh and
felt the warm blood run down my cheeks. I saw visions of vengeance and revenge
in ways that would have made Satan himself smirk and let off a slight giggle, but
before I swallow I hear a knock on the door. I quickly spit out the pound of flesh I
had been chewing on and placed it back on the cold plate. I yell come in but
nothing happened until I heard the miraculous whisper of my own heart. I started
to weep. The things she told me... I swear it was the whisper of an angel laced
with the logic of god. I soaked in as much of it as I could, but as soon as she starts
to tell me where I went wrong, another knock at the door. This time I get up to
answer it. I open the door to nothingness...
 interview with a burning candlewick

how did you get your light?

no one knows they exist until they do, what i've come to find is that there ain't no dark till
something shines, i'm bound to leave the dark behind

so um mr wizzy wick, what happens when the light goes out?

the solidarity of existence is doomed to intersect with deaths persistence, is that it, am i done, all
i know is this is the world of infinity, will i choose what i think i deserve or serenity, no matter
because the background is pitch black and so are the characters on stage, and what's worse is that
there be gibberish on every page, and i'm not sure if this is really me, alone and low as low can
be.
 outro/intro

there's no thought involved

it just comes out
no need to scream but sometimes i shout
fuck i got to sometimes
just ta get it out
but i ain't done sun we just begun
no need to run cause
i gotcha, like somebody shot ya
with an etherical bullet gea i pull it
but before we start the race lemme
take ya to a place where there's
no disgrace class or cause
judge, jury, or walls, moreover
no laws, where we can pause and
we're free to just be you and me
equally for eternity
but it just so happens it can't
be like that, the system is wak
and the majic is black, causing
some to react and others
to fall in line, never reading
between the lines thinking everything’s
fine, while sippin on they blood wine
bleeding the earth since birth like a
curse and what's worse, they think
they doing good in they neighborhood
while denying the politician's lying to
keep their smile while self-serving and
serving Satan at the same time.
but no need to worry or hurry cause
it can only get better, don't need a
sweater to weather the weather,
whether it's hot, humid or cold i’ma
grow old and finish with my time leaving
me to rewind and rest in the divine mind.
it's done the wars won, no need for a
truce my only true use is throwing
you the deuce when i'm done.
creation

every man can create any idea which is the fundamental building block for reality. but
what would ultimate creation be? righteousness? but that leaves out A LOT. the
discovering of governing scientific and mathematical principles? but wouldn't we know it
by now? i mean if it started it all and was always HERE, wouldn't we have evolved to
knowing this fundamental principle of life, being it the most "important" thing to know
(sounds like a prison prism of pathological parallelograms to me). Maybe ultimate
creation is a reality which allows for all of it and embraces its birth, sufferings, passions
and passings with a compassion beyond comprehension, while noting its importance
and respecting its pertinence pertaining to infinity, while tying together all strings of
reality in an ultimate web leaving every thread to be of equal importance.
 Mathemagician
Not ta be confused with ya local physician
Wise up mutha fucka, I’m a mathemagician

I write lyrics to help heal the mentally ill

But first lemme chill and reveal the skill
See from wince I came may seem a little insane
We’re all trying to court some sort
Of neurological main frame

Not ta be confused with ya local physician

Wise up mutha fucka, I’m a mathemagician

If you can wrap ya mind around the complexity

Of the infinite see of possibility
Then you my friend just might be free
And den able ta me see me fa me
With over a million million galaxies
With a million million stars
Put ya self in perspective
And find out who you are
Take yourself out the scenes
From which it seems
Blackness is the ruler of the color schemes

Not ta be confused with ya local physician

Wise up mutha fucka, I’m a mathemagician

Before I let it rest lauryn hill said it best

“well are your shore where’s the passion in this living
Are ya sure it’s god you’re serving
Dedicated to a system, getting lest than your deserving
Who made up these schools I say
Who made up these rules I say
Animal conditioning
Just ta keep us as ya slave
O just get out, just get out of all these boxes
Just get out, you can’t hold me in these chains
Knowing my condition, is the reason I must change”

That’s why I’m not ta be confused with ya local physician

Wise up mutha fucka I’m a mathemagician
 om shiva shankara
om shive shankara
hari hari ganga
om shiva shankara
hari hari ganga
om shive shankara
hari hari ganga
om shiva shankara
hari hari ganga
om shive shankara
hari hari ganga
om shiva shankara
hari hari ganga

om da shiva da shankara
we hari hari the ganga
om da shiva da shankara
we hari hari the ganga

every city i ever been to

they hari hari the ganga
all the people ever met been cool
they hari hari the ganga
all the people that don't need they schools
hari hari ganga

om da shiva da shankara
we hari hari the ganga
om da shiva da shankara
we hari hari the ganga

if you want to understand mathematics

then hari hari the ganga
if you want to go to another another planet
then hari hari the ganga
if you want to do it, do it god damnit!
hari hari the ganga

om da shiva da shankara
we hari hari the ganga
om da shiva da shankara
we hari hari the ganga
 in the road
a fork
in the road

let's take a walk of sorts into a place without and within

this monolithic monotone melodrama. where no one can
distort our losses and wins, that profoundly perplex our
planet. for there is no reality without our individuality. as
is true with the argument that our individuality contains
no reality. so we're left in a sticky situation. it's not the
path less traveled, but the path not taken!
her face gives me a feeling i can't describe
an image of beauty i've held inside
her touch paralyzes my crotchet
mind cough

before the first human

there was a mind cough
before the wheel was invented
it was a mind cough
before Hilter took off
there was a mien kampf
he wanted to give it to us hard
but we got is soft
thank god all that shit
is now just another mind cough
or does history repeat itself
as might every mien kampf
should i attack the illusion
dare i tear it off
show you there's an even worse
more extreme sort of mind cough
alas, the american holocaust
this poem was inspired by those who suffer from state sponsored terrorism, of which columbia is
one of the worst cases in which torture, police death squads, and ethnic/political cleansing are the
norm, and what do ya know, they receive/have received some of the highest amounts of "aid"
from the united states government, moreover, your tax dollars, and military and CIA training. it
is also inspired by the people on the CIA’s payroll. more info can be found in the book,
understanding power: the indispensable chomsky

forgive me, i concluded

i write poetry to provoke my inner self

to help me write a play
of which we ended up
going about acting out one day

we turned a scene into a dream

from which it seems
blackness was the ruler
of the color schemes

it was a peaceful piece,

safe for those dead columbians
with their genitalia in their mouth.
it was a pieceful peace,
safe for the day
the lights went out.

once darkness took flight

we escaped into the night
to go off and
"fight the good fight"

but we paid criminals to do it

and oh, who knew it?
turns out none of us were right

about the military cause

which gained so much applause
in Satan’s last epilogues.

for god was no longer home

he left his children all alone
to hear their own screams and moans.
bring it back to the bottom of the map
bring it down to my town
bring it back to the bottom of the map
bring it down to my town
bring it back to the bottom of the map
bring it down to my town
bring it back to the bottom of the map
bring it down to my town

president bush was a bad dream i had

you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad

understand the man's filled with a sickness

a result of our collective mental illness
the only way to survive is forgiveness
he's still a human being filled with is-ness

bush was a bad dream i had

you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad

there's a war on the streets

get up off your fuckin feet
don't accept the defeat
don't accept the defeat
if they're shootin the guns
then they already won
where's my son
where's my son
where's my son!

bush was a bad dream i had

you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad
president bush was a bad dream i had
you should have seen this lad so sad
a trainwreck of thought from the elitism kiss

a trainwreck of thought from the elitism kiss

apparently the story goes as this
1% for the world’s population owns all of it
ok well just 90% of the worlds assets
meaning if a few multi-trillionaires gave up
one-ninth of their wealth of which they wouldn’t miss
we all would have twice the funds to support
our climbing out of the mist
but you see as with the beginning of every infinity
we have these elite perpetuating elitism
a complete non reality
when i blaze them bluntz
when i blaze them bluntz
when i blaze them bluntz
i get soo high

i smoke the finest green

in the scene, lord knows why

i clear my mind and

take my time, ta reach the sky

cause this society, that includes me

is full of lies

that's why i blaze them bluntz

u see i blaze them bluntz
that's why i blaze them bluntz
and stay soo high

the biggest money makers

pay they bankers, by taken lives

most people don't know

still playin they role, it's why i cry

if you only knew the truest on true

it open ya eyes

and then we'd blaze dem blutz

o yea we'd blaze dem blutz
when we smoke dem blutz
we get soo high
it's all for U.S. i suppose
a red river flows
down to the streets of babylon
death toll no one knows
reports can't be counted on
dead lined up in rows
the bleeding has just begun
it's all for U.S. i suppose
america is number one
but i still wait for the rose
that begins when death is done
elle s'appelle

il ne y'as pas beacoup de mois qui descris

la personne tu est de moi
il ne y'as pas beacoup de mois qui descris
la personne tu est de moi

ca c'est vrai
ca c'est vrai
qui je t'adore beaucoup
qui je t'adore beaucoup

but if you wanna walk im my love u gotta

utilizez ton peids

je repetez
utilizez ton peids
that's what i say
utilizes ton peids
je repetez
utilzes ton peids

mais, quesque c'est ton problem

esque tu est mal a la tete
mais, quesque c'est ton problem
esque tu est mal a la tete
mais, quesque c'est ton problem
esque tu est mal a la tete
quesque c'est ton problem

her name is, there are not many words that describe, the person you are to me. it is true, that i love you a
lot, but if you wanna walk in my love u gotta, use your feet, i repeat use your feet, but what is your
problem are you mentally deranged.
there's a baby nigger inside all of us

south west
where we struttin it best
nuttin less, sippin on lean
lookin real clean, natta mean

(the sound of whistles)

na na
na i'm broke as a joke
snortin all that coke
wit my three fitty seven in ma undercoat
this white trash militia gonna getcha
no matta who witcha
mutilate ya fuckin body and take ya picture
but i ain't no white trash punk
i'm a nigga at heart
come at me wit some bullshit and i'll tear ya apart
take ya arms and legs
send em' to ya momma cookin bacon eggs
said you started this drama, so i'm keepin tha head
lee ya fa dead, i'm keepin tha head
my side pocket sideways
when I pop it leave a nigga sideways fa five daze
that's lil wayne ya na, he's in ya brain
lil wayne in tha brain natta mane
my side pocket sideways
when I pop it leave a nigga sideways fa five daze
 a thesis to please jesus
recently i've come to a point in my life where i can articulate my ideas on creating world
peace and the infinite potential and possibility of any individual. these are idea's i have
contemplated since i can remember. before i get into what my thesises are, i'd like to share
with you why i think i might know something in the first place.

since birth my mother always told me that it was of utmost importance to express myself no
matter what i was feeling, everything from i love you mom to fuck you madeline, but then i
had to recognize where my feelings came from. this allowed me to never have to deal with
built up emotional negativity. it also allowed me to understand and reason with my inner
self. later in life around 7 or 8 my aunt changed my last name from chaumont to terziu,
and told me to think good things about my father. now i never thought of my father as a
person, to me all things led to my creation, in a sense i needed all the dominos to fall that
fell for my existence to be like it is. she also told me that if i understood mathematics i
could do anything, which for me even at the time was to create world peace. i could
remember that ever since i was told you could count all the way to infinity, i was consumed
by the idea of infinity. for me infinity was eternal, and if numbers were forever so were
people, the creator of numbers.

i've also had to deal with emotional trauma throughout my life. from having a mother and
close family members addicted to drugs and dealing with major mental disorders, to getting
hit by a drunk driver and having to see my best friend die while almost dying myself, to
being with and singing to my mother for hours before she passed a way a few years later.
though all this could be seen as strife, it all brought an infinite amount of understanding and
blessing to my life.

now for the thesises

a thesis to end war as a social possibility is the assertion that the only productive
ways to change the perceived negativity of a collective(group of individuals), is to
use positive reinforcement i.e. add positivity where we see positivity, an
extinguishing procedure i.e. help them release there negativity in a positive way,
and any other proven behavior change technique found in the study of applied
behavior analysis.

basically if country x is indulging in a behavior we perceive to be negative i.e. arming

themselves, the only way to change that is to agree to help them do things we all see as
positive i.e. schooling, feeding, etc, every time they agree to lessen their "negative"
behavior, in this case less military funding or whatever. if we tell this country to stop or we
will sanction or bomb you, this might get an immediate change in the behavior, but
always/mostly causes a negative psychological effect, in time or immediately. if a person is
mentally ill and wants to hurt people, we don't go to war with him and his family to create a
positive change, the same can be said of a collective group of people who have problems.

but see for me this thesis was not enough. it is a plan for world peace that relies on
psychologists, sociologists, and government. i also felt that there was a more efficient way
to create world peace that involved the very real participation of every conscious being that
wanted to aid in the bringing about of world peace.

now for the thesis that satisfies my soul.

everybody matters is the assertion that every person is equal in their infinite
potential and possibility to create world/inner peace.
0,1,2,3 we can count to infinity, this is a certain idea of infinity, but certain ideas of infinity
are larger in a sense than others. see the set 0,1,-1,2,-2 has doubled the perceived parts as
the first set of just 0,1,2,3, they are both infinitely big, but the second set had a higher
order of infinity. another would be like 1 raised to the 1 power, 2 raised to the 2nd power, 3
raised to the 3rd power, this also goes on for infinity, but has a higher order than just
1,2,3..., well the highest order of infinity is the set of reality where every conceivable bit is
inconceivably infinite, and it turns out that's the set we're living in. physics tells us that in
the void/ vacuum that we think is no space or nothingness, is actually more than enough
energy to create several big bangs(known universes). physics has also found that matter
exists in waves of infinite potential and possibility, until we try to measure or perceive it,
and then it shows up wherever we're looking. see we as humans are more than a
conceivable bit of information, that brings things into reality by perceiving or thinking it. the
beautiful thing is, is that mathematics says that there is no highest order of infinity,
it is infinitely higher, meaning that it's as high as you can think it to be and infinitely
higher.

there also have been studies done, one involving this PhD who was also a practitioner of
ho’oponopono, this man took on a job at a violent psych. ward. he would never see a
patient. what he would do is take the person's case file and first take responsibility for
creating all the persons negativity, and then read the file repeating “forgive me for creating
this, i love you, and thank you”. these people would then pop out of it, at least enough to
allow for rapid betterment. there have also been studies done where meditation masters
and prayer masters went to d.c. and decreased the crime rate of the city by like 25% in a
short time, just by accepting the responsibility for creating the crime themselves, and
sending thoughts of love and gratitude towards those who felt compelled to do crime. now
this was a controlled study, imagine if those masters were teaching and incorporating the
surrounding community. the effect would be intensely increased.

so what i'm saying is that if a person wants to help bring about world peace, they must first
take responsibility for creating (or at least helping to create) everything they perceive to be
negative, because we know that the only way something can come into existence(positive
or negative) is through our perceptions, then to ask forgiveness for creating the perceived
bullshit, then to send out a thought of betterment and love towards the negativity, because
the only real thing to know is that things get better, they progress.

on a dna level what is going on is that every time you are mad or negative about anything
our dna coils up and shuts off genes, you literally can't think straight when you’re mad.
when you are thinking positive thoughts or feel good, your dna uncoils and instead of seeing
one or two options, you've set off new neurological sequences through the uncoiling of your
genes, you see more and more potential and possibility until you see an infinite amount.

einstein discovered that energy is neither created or destroyed, but merely converted from
one form to another, so the energy that is our conscious choice is ours and ours alone,
more over it's our responsibility to convert our own negative thought forms(energy) into
positive ones. the universe is like a computer that is defragging, we may not like war and
murder, so what we do is convert those energies into writings, poetry, a really good video
game, a movie, a song, and so on. if its there we can't deny(aka judge it, and deem it
bad) it, we have to use it in the most efficient manner. it may turn out to work something
like this, world peace if and only if inner peace.

in the hidden messages in water by Masaru Emoto and David A. Thayne, it was shown that
water responds and changes it’s structure based on whether we consciously love(or feel
positive towards it) or if we hate (or feel negative towards it). i believe that this is how the
universe works with not only water, but with every fabric of existence.
what this all could mean is that even if all we had was the shittiest shit that was ever shat,
it would still be more than enough to create a reality beyond our comprehension.

if you would like to understand better or debate any of these issues, please feel free to
contact me, or if you are in a position where you can help out in any way shape or
form(even if it’s just a positive thought or prayer) please do so, we survive off the gifts and
kindness of others. peace and love.

joshua terziu

www.myspace.com/terziu

sterilecat@yahoo.com

337 853-2173

ps a quick word on the title of this essay, it rhymes and sounds good, it's not that i don't
believe in jesus, i don't believe in disbelief, but i'd like to add that i believe that all schools
of thought (from christianity, to buddhism, to philosophy, to psychology, all ologies, to
anarchism) are mathematically flawed and could use some schooling themselves.

pss i would love feedback on these thoughts, whether it's agreeable or not. if my argument
can be called bullshit, please call it, and explain why, if it's thought provoking then think, if
it's above your head then lift your mind. if it seems elementary then please help me add to
it. if we all participate in a thought experiment on world peace, the only result is that it
becomes closer to a reality.

i would also like to say thank you, it’s out of respect, acknowledgement, and admiration of
your ups, downs, twist and turns, emotional outbursts, and intense passions, and out of my
own ups, downs, twist and turns, emotional outbursts, and intense passions, that i’ve come
to understand the true self that is represented within all of is-ness.
 outro/intro

there's no thought involved

it just comes out
no need to scream but sometimes i shout
fuck i got to sometimes
just ta get it out
but i ain't done sun we just begun
no need to run cause
i gotcha, like somebody shot ya
with an etherical bullet gea i pull it
but before we start the race lemme
take ya to a place where there's
no disgrace class or cause
judge, jury, or walls, moreover
no laws, where we can pause and
we're free to just be you and me
equally for eternity
but it just so happens it can't
be like that, the system is wak
and the majic is black, causing
some to react and others
to fall in line, never reading
between the lines thinking everything’s
fine, sippin on they blood wine
bleeding the earth since birth like a
curse and what's worse, they think
they doing good in they neighborhood
while denying the politician's lying to
keep their smile while self serving and
serving satan at the same time.
but no need to worry or hurry cause
it can only get better, don't need a
sweater to weather the weather,
whether it's hot humid or cold ima
grow old and finish with my time leaving
me to rewind and rest in the divine mind.
it's done the wars won, no need for a
truce my only true use is throwing
you the deuce when i'm done.
and now I share with you my greatest creation

MAHTI MARIE CHAUMONT TERZIU