Chapter 1: Stefan's Changes (We Are Both to Blame)

...
(Elena)
"Stefan?" I called as I walked inside the boarding house. I knew that Damon
was out as soon as I stepped inside the house. I could feel Stefan's cologne in
the air...and something else mixed with it. Someone else, to be more specific.
Then, I heard the sounds coming from upstairs, and focused on them, to
make sense of what was happening. I knew I had dumped Stefan...but that
was about two days ago. And from the sounds I could hear coming from his
room...he had a girl in?
I finally decide, after hearing a lot of grunting from upstairs, from Stefan's
part only, to make sure he wasn't fighting someone, instead of with someone.
I pushed open the door to his room shamelessly, without a knock or a
warning, hoping to see him struggling with someone on the floor and needing
help. What I saw was
Stefan...snuggling with someone. Against the wall. The girl's back was
pressed against the wall...and Stefan was with his back to me, making love to
her. Or having sex with her, since making love is when you have more
relationship and commitment to someone.
She looked my way and tapped Stefan's shoulder lightly and nodded briefly in
my direction, causing Stefan to look at me, angrily for my interrupting him. I
half expected his expression to soften, because he probably expected Damon
but I was shocked when it didn't. He still looked angry; then again, after I
dumped him, like right after I dumped him, I went and fucked Damon for two
whole hours. And he probably heard that. But still...I thought I had made it
right with him.
He was walking toward me now and when he came face to face with me, I
couldn't help but to smile at him. He didn't look angry and I thought it was a
good sign; he looked totally expressionless.
"I want my ring back," Stefan said coldly, staring at me in a way I never
thought he would.
"But...without it, I can't go out in the sun," I said, looking up at him, clutching
the ring to my finger and pleading with my eyes.
He didn't respond to it that in any way, just looked expressionlessly back at
me.

"Whatever," he said, at last, shrugging, as if he didn't mind my burning in the

sun. "It's mine and I want it back. Give it to me."
"But..." I said, a bit too shocked to move. Then, he interrupted me.
"Give it to me, Elena. Now. Please." Stefan's voice was forceful,and he was
looking at me in the eyes, like he always did when he was serious.
Finally, with a resigned sigh I pulled out the ring absentmindedly and glanced
at the girl. I pulled it inside his hand and looked up at him.
"Are you sure she is not going to find this a bit weird?" I examined her as I
said this; her shirt, a plaid shirt that I knew belonged to Stefan, was halfway
open, enough that I could see her bra.
She had blond hair that was spilling over the shirt and was messy looking. It
was the same length as Lexi's, Stefan's friend's hair's used to be.
"No, she won't mind this. She knows about me." The way Stefan said this to
me, the way his tone sounded to me, seemed like he thought I was so stupid
not to have thought about this.
Not to have thought that he wouldn't bring her in carelessly, and expose
himself, having a discussion with me in front of her unless she was...like him.
She was looking at me; she looked...almost smug. And that made me feel
horrible. Made me want to wrap my arms around Stefan and beg him to come
back.
But...I didn't because...I have Damon. And because he was the one who
protected me from Katherine when Stefan wasn't paying attention to me. He
was too busy helping Caroline, he had said.
Taking Bonnie to the hospital to make sure she was okay, helping Caroline
with Tyler's werewolf issue, trying to locate Klaus...meanwhile, I was turning
into a vampire on the Lockwood Masquerade Ball, because Katherine had
attempted to kill me.
And Damon gave me blood to save me, but it was too late. So...I turned. And
now...I'm scared for the people I love. I'm scared for Damon, who Klaus will
haunt forever like he did to Katherine, and Trevor and Rose...because he
turned me into a vampire. I just wish...I just wish I could make another
doppelganger. But I can't.
Because...I'm a vampire, and Isobel is a vampire and there is just...no one
else. And we're all going to die for this. For this sacrifice. I'll die because of
what I am, Damon will die for what he did, and Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler...will
die for nothing. And I just wish Stefan would hold me to make it all go away.

I...hope Damon never reads this.

...
(Elena)
I opened my eyes to find the sunlight inside the room, coming in through the
open curtain and a sleeping Damon next to me. I smiled and reached to brush
his shoulder, his collar bone, his neck.
I kissed his shoulder, adoringly, and he stirred and turned to look at me,
blinking and smiling sleepily.
"Morning." I said, and moved closer to him, wrapping my arms around his
shoulders, and leaning in to kiss his lips.
I felt a stab of pain on my arm and flinched away, clutching it to me, flashing
back to returning Stefan's ring to him last night.
Damon was sitting up, leaning on his elbows and studying my face sleepily,
though through narrowed eyes.
"Where is your ring?" He asked me.
"I gave Stefan's ring back to him yesterday," I said to Damon and started to
shake the sheets frantically as I started to remember something else I had
forgotten. Where the hell did I put my diary last night?
"Elena...Elena." Damon called me, jumping off the bed. "Elena, what are you
doing?"

"My diary..." I whispered, looking under the bed, then coming up again to
shake the sheets. "I don't know where it is. I had it last night. I was writing in
it when I fell asleep. I can't find it."
I ran to the other side of the room, looking for it around the room frantically.
"Elena," Damon called my name again, but I was too desperate to keep him
from reading it to stop looking.
"What?" I said, still flying around the room. I closed the curtains and quickly
kept on looking.
"Elena, stop." I didn't even answer him. I needed to find it. "Elena, your diary
is here."
That finally stopped me, and I looked up and let out a breathless, relieved

little laugh. I flew to Damon and wrapped my arms around him, while
grabbing my diary and clutching it tightly to myself, burying my face in his
chest, while my breathing slowed.
Finally I pulled away to look at him, and was happy to see him smiling,
knowing he didn't suspect of my desperation to find my diary.
"I have to go and get you a new ring. I'll have Bonnie make one for you."
Damon said, already moving to the door and brushing his finger tips on my
cheek when he passed me and winking as he left.
I sighed in relief once I heard him close the door and sat on the chair in the
corner. I opened my diary and read over yesterday's entry.
"Dear Diary, I caught Stefan with a girl in his room. And...he asked me for his
ring back. When I broke up with him, told him that I loved Damon, not him, I
had wanted to give him his ring, but he looked so upset and I wanted to prove
to myself that I didn't want him anymore. Now I'm not so sure. I just came out
of his bedroom. I'm sitting in Damon's bed and crying. I miss Stefan. His arms
around me, his eyes.
And...when he looked at me, and spoke to me that way in his room, talking to
me like I was stupid and giving me that glare, so angry...and the smug look on
the girl's face when she looked at me...it made me feel horrible and useless.
Made me want to have Stefan's arms around me, made me want to wrap my
arms around him and beg him to come back.
But...I didn't because...I have Damon. And because he was the one who
protected me from Katherine when Stefan wasn't paying attention to me. He
was too busy helping Caroline, he had said.
Taking Bonnie to the hospital to make sure she was okay, helping Caroline
with Tyler's werewolf issue, trying to locate Klaus...meanwhile, I was turning
into a vampire on the Lockwood Masquerade Ball, because Katherine had
attempted to kill me. And Damon gave me blood to save me, but it was too
late. So...I turned.
And now...I'm scared for the people I love. I'm scared for Damon, who Klaus
will haunt forever like he did to Katherine, and Trevor and Rose...because he
turned me into a vampire. I just wish...I just wish I could make another
doppelganger. But I can't.
Because...I'm a vampire, and Isobel is a vampire and there is just...no one
else. And we're all going to die for this. For this sacrifice. I'll die because of
what I am, Damon will die for what he did, and Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler...will
die for nothing. And I just wish Stefan would hold me to make it all go away.

I...hope Damon never reads this."

I closed my diary and looked at it as I felt the tears start to roll down my face.
I lifted my head to the wall across the room, looked at the door and threw my
diary against the wall hard, sobbing once it was out of my hands. I just
sobbed for a long time, rocking myself back and forth on the chair.
Finally, I got up and walked to the bathroom. I looked at my face in the mirror
above the sink. My face looked worn out, like I had a bad night of sleep and
my nose was all red from the crying. I needed a shower and some sleep and I
would be okay.
I walked outside the bathroom and got my diary, tucked it under my arm, got
my favorite pajamas and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind
me.
...