Noriko Satsume

Free speech means the right to shout

'theatre' in a crowded fire.
Abbie Hoffman

1AC - Framework: This statement is false

1AR, If opponent drops FW (including attacking T): The opponent's only criticism of my
framework is that it is not topical, but says nothing of whether or not [The Framework] is a valid
statement, meaning he dropped the idea behind the statement, which is an illogical paradox. Therefore,
illogical statements, arguments, and paradoxes must carry across the flow as a valid argument.
1AR, If opponent attacks FW (not including T): Because my opponent is so in love with
mathematical logic, I will read to you from the greatest geometry textbook ever, Euclid's 'Elements'.
[Read Postulates of The Elements.]
1 AR, If opponent dropped FW - I WILL NOW ATTACK MY OPPONENT'S CASE IN ITS
ENTIRETY, USING ILLOGIC [Goto: C1]

1AR, If Opponent dropped FW Rebuttal C1: The Chewbacca Defense

(Parker, Trey & Stone, Matt. South Park, Season 2, Episode 14 Chef Aid. 1998)
this is Chewbacca.
Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now,
think about that. That does not make sense! (jury looks shocked)
Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: (pulling down a diagram of Chewie)

Why would a Wookiee -- an eight foot tall Wookiee -- want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot
tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!
But more importantly, you have to ask yourself: what does that have to do with this case? (calmly)
Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!
Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not
making any sense. None of this makes sense.

And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation
Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.
If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must [Affirm]acquit! The [Affirmative] defense rests.

2AR, If opponent dropped FW - I win because AMERICA!

2AR, If opponent attacked FW, attacks postulates - My opponent has attacked my use of logic.
Obviously my opponent is going back on [his/her] love of logic and has decided to retroactively
concede my framework of illogic. Therefore I win because AMERICA!
2AR, If opponent attacked FW, doesn't attack postulates - I win the round because I have
presented more mathematically logical statements, something that my opponent obviously loves so
much. So if the opponent is so great, you should vote for me instead because I'm basically the

Noriko Satsume

Free speech means the right to shout

'theatre' in a crowded fire.
Abbie Hoffman
opponent, but more so. The only reason you should vote for the opponent is if you think [he/she] really
sucks, because then I would suck even more.

Noriko Satsume

Free speech means the right to shout

'theatre' in a crowded fire.
Abbie Hoffman

CX Questions:
Q: Do you like logic?
A:
Q: Do you LOVE logic?
A:
Q: How much do you love/like logic?
A:
Q: If you love/like logic so much, why don't you marry it?
A:
Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A:
[Scoff at final answer, pause for a few seconds, shaking head, tongue in cheek. Look at judge in
disbelief, say in a judgmental manner:] No more questions.