Marriage, Love for a Lifetime

#12

November 7, 2000

Marriage
Love for a Lifetime

Have you ever met anyone who has been married for a long time? Say, fifty years? How about
twenty-five years? Even ten years in todays society seems like a long time. People think that
everything is disposable today. Not just pens and paper plates, but people as well. Were conditioned
by short-term relationships.
It used to be that students had one teacher from first grade until they left school for a job. Today,
elementary students have a different teacher for every grade and in the higher grades they have a
different teacher for every subject. Before, students used to go to school with the kids who lived next
door. Today, you go to school with kids from across the city, or in boarding school, or your
classmates may come from across the country. In high school you might change jobs more often than
racecar drivers rotate their tires.
Change is the name of the game. Even marriages have not escaped unscathed. The divorce rate
outside the church has been climbing, but now, even among Seventh-day Adventists, divorce is on
the rise. Couples who have been together ten, twenty, or fifty years have really achieved something.
Whats their secret?
Actually, its no mystery. If a couple takes the time to study, think, and pray about what Gods
plan is for marriage, a lifetime of happiness is within their grasp. Taking time now to prepare for
your marriage will help make sure that you and your spouse will be one of the successful, happy
couples who celebrate many, many anniversaries.

Marriage, Love for a Lifetime

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November 7, 2000

Your parents may have divorced, but you dont have to experience the same situation. The road to
a contented and long-lasting marriage doesnt begin on your wedding day or during your honeymoon.
It begins early in your teens. When you take a successful trip, you dont just get on a plane or in a car
and go. You lay plans, read maps and study guidebooks. You spend time learning about your
destination. As Christians who are looking forward to finding a spouse, we must have a plan of
action for a successful relationship.
God has given clear instructions about marriage and what to consider in the character of the
person we intend to commit our life to. The book of Proverbs speaks of attributes which Christians
will want to see in their spouse. In Proverbs 31, the mother of King Lemuel told him what he should
seek in a wife. The woman described has since become known as the famous Proverbs 31
superwoman.
At first glance this woman can be overwhelming. Chances are, you dont know a single woman,
or man for that matter, who could stand up next to her. The Bible tells us shes worth more than
rubies. Most of us are lucky to be worth more than minimum wage without a college degree. Dont
look for a woman who has each and every one of these attributes. Instead, look for one who lives
according to these principles, one who strives to serve God and her family. This is the true Proverbs
31 woman.
In their book, Best Friends for Life, Michael and Judy Phillips write, Look beyond that young
woman surrounded by a crowd of male admirers, whose eyelashes flutter, who well knows the power
of her smile and bewitching expression and enjoys using it, whose eyes flash with flirtatious intent
and who is caught up in the romantic feelings of her youth. Look instead to the girl at the edge of the
crowd, perhaps not so pretty, who wears no heavy perfume or makeup, who does not flirt but is loyal

Marriage, Love for a Lifetime

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November 7, 2000

to her friends, and who can talk comfortably with guys and girls equally as friends without hint of
turning on the feminine charm. She is one whose character is likely years ahead of the other. Perhaps
she is one capable of a lifelong and best-friend marriage. She may be one to seek outnot for
romance, but for a true friendship.
There are other texts in Proverbs and Psalms that help to define the godly person to marry. The
first chapter of Psalms talks about the man who walks in godly ways. As you think about your future
spouse, consider whether this is someone who seeks Gods wisdom and not the worlds.
Young women will want to look for someone who will fill the role of protector. A husband must
fill the role of wanting to watch and care for those whom God has put in His care. Again in Best
Friends for Life, the Phillips advise, Look beyond that dashing young man with broad shoulders
and strong arms, whose wit and handsome face cause the hearts of all the girls in your school or
church to melt, that athlete whose casual manner and captivating smile make him the object of the
crushes of dozens of your friends. Look instead to him on the edge of the crowd, perhaps not so
good-looking, perhaps not such a great athlete, who shows no romantic interest in girls yet always
treats them with kindness and respect, who can talk comfortably with anyone equally, girl or guy, but
who never tries to impress. For he is one whose character is likely far ahead of the other. Perhaps he
is one capable of a lifelong and best-friend marriage.
The New Testament also gives interpretations on what to look for in a spouse. In Titus chapter 2,
Paul gave directions to Christian men and women about how they should live their lives. He depicts
godly men as those who are worthy of respect, are self-controlled and patient, and have a strong
faith. Watch out for the woman who gossips. Self-control and purity, along with kindness and
efficiency, are areas that should be evident in the life of a godly woman.

Marriage, Love for a Lifetime

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November 7, 2000

You may believe that looking for all of these qualities in a person takes all of the romance out of
your relationship. That simply isnt true. When you find a person who has the characteristics
mentioned, romance will come naturally.
Remember though, romance doesnt carry you through the tough times that come to every
marriage. Psalm 1:3 (The Clear Word) says, He will be like a tree planted by a stream which always
bears fruit and which will not die in times of drought. The difficult times in marriage are the
droughts. Dont choose a spouse who will pick up and leave when the romance is temporarily on the
back burner. Make commitment a priority.
Love doesnt stay the same throughout your entire life. When you fall in love, your feelings are
very strong, yes, but they are also mixed up with a lot of other emotions. As your relationship grows,
your feelings of love and those of romance will even out. You wont feel so head-over-heels
anymore. With patience and work, your love will stand the test of time and live through problems
that threaten it
As your love deepens, it wont lessen. But it will be more mature and steady. The excitement
wont stay unless you work at it. Successfully married couples care about their marriages. They work
at it like they work at anything else. But its work that they enjoy. And they wouldnt trade their
married relationship for anything. If you ask them, theyll tell you that they are happier and more in
love today than they were when they first got married.
At any wedding, the bride and groom make vows to each other. These are more than nice
sounding phrases. The couple is promising God that they will live with and love each other for
whatever time He gives them. It may be one day or fifty years. They arent at liberty to decide to get
out after five years if they dont feel happy in the relationship any more. When the going gets tough

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November 7, 2000

the tough do not get going. They stick it out and weather the storm. In the end their relationship is
stronger because of what theyve been through.
If a couple agrees before they are married that divorce is not an option, when hard times come,
they are still committed. When you truly make God a part of your marriage, there is nothing that you
cant work out.
Frequently, the words unequally yoked are used when talking about marriage. When farmers
harness a horse and an ox together, confusion and disaster occur. The horse moves at a different rate
of speed than the ox. Both animals try to pull in different directions, and end up going nowhere. The
same type of behavior is seen when a couple is unequally yoked in marriage. In 2 Corinthians 6:14,
15, Paul warns against believers becoming partners with unbelievers.
If you are a Seventh-day Adventist Christian who marries a non-Seventh-day Adventist, you are
going to have problems. Someone will have to compromise. When you are mismatched you struggle
with many issueshow to raise your children, what entertainment to participate in, going to church
alone, and sometimes even who you will have as friends.
God wants us to be happy in every aspect of our lives, including our marriages. If the parents are
content, their children will be too. Knowing their parents wont get a divorce increases the childrens
security and happiness. Its never too early to study and listen for Gods principles in marriage.
Begin now to pray for your future mate. Have your parents pray also. Ask God to guide your
future spouse in each choice they make. Look at your own life and see which areas you need to
improve.

Marriage, Love for a Lifetime

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November 7, 2000

Spend time studying the men and women in the Bible whom you admire. Discover the traits that
made them Gods chosen. Look for those same qualities in the person you will marry. Most
importantly, ask God every day to show you the path He has for you.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, This is
the way, walk in it Isa. 30:21, NIV. When we are walking in Gods will, we can confidently move
forward, knowing that what He provides will be the best for us.

Discussion Questions

1. What qualities should a Christian young man look for in a wife?

2. What qualities should a Christian young lady look for in a husband?

3. How do you know when you have found the right person?

4. Whats the difference between love and infatuation? How do you determine which one youre
feeling?

5. What are the secrets of developing a good relationship with someone?

6. Why do you think its important for people to marry someone of the same faith? In what
other ways can two people be unequally yoked?

Marriage, Love for a Lifetime

#12

November 7, 2000

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