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Pentagon Plumbing Newsletter 4 April 2016
Pentagon Plumbing Newsletter 4 April 2016
INSIDE
THIS ISSUE
TURN YOUR
SMART
PHONE INTO A
DUMB PHONE
THE LATEST
RETRO TREND!
IS SHAKESPEARES
SKULL REALLY
MISSING? WE
DONT THINK SO!
HERES WHY!
CLOWNS, CLOWNS,
CLOWNS! WHY
THEYRE
EVERYWHERE THIS
YEAR!
DO DIAMONDS
CAUSE DEMENTIA?
WE
INVESTIGATE!
PLUS
ALL
THIS AND
MORE! RIGHT
HERE! RIGHT
NOW! IN THIS
MONTHS EDITION
OF DOWN THE
DRAIN!
Plumber attacked by
drone
Dover, England
Local plumber Bernard
Call today to
schedule an
appointment!
702-876-5969
We do:
Repair &
Replacements
Water Jetting
Insurance Work
Remodels
Electronic Leak
Detection
Sewer & Drain
Cleaning
Water Heaters
Repiping
And so much
more!
Like us!
Click on our
logo to go to
our website.
You know you
want to!
April 2016
Twitter us!
Email us!
Pin us!
Yelp us!
Pentagon Plumbing, Inc. 5125 W. Oquendo Rd., Suite #5, Las Vegas, NV 89118
Tel: (702) 876-5969 Fax: (702) 876-0937
email: service@pentagonplumbingnv.com
NV License #58722
Taylor Swift fall down go boom! Ouch!
Call us today!
876-5969
Page 2
Adventures, letters,
A life in the
day of a
plumber
By CHIP CARPENTER
Ace Master Plumber
Last
month: Chip is
confronted by many men
in black suits before being
escorted into the company
conference room.
I looked around and,
there on a side table was
an industrial-sized urn of
coffee and two plates
piled high with donuts,
bagels, coffee cakes and
other pastries. Obviously,
someone had known about
this gathering before hand
and had made the
appropriate arrangements.
I figured it was probably
Melanie because she was
the only one in the
company who could put
together something like
this on such short notice.
Since nobody was
headed toward the coffee
and donuts, I helped
myself and found a seat at
the conference table,
which is when I realized
there were four other
people in the room, two
men and two women,
none of whom I knew and
all of whom were dressed
in black suits and all of
whom looked very
serious.
I took a sip of coffee, bit
into a chocolate donut,
and looked up to see that I
was sitting directly across
from the Countess and the
State Department guy.
Against the wall behind
them were the four
unknown factotums, or at
least I guessed thats what
they were.
I slid a glance toward the
boss, who was sitting at
the head of the table, and
he just nodded at me, a sly
grin on his face. Never a
good sign, that grin.
Youre
probably
wondering why we called
you here, said Joseph
Hardy, looking straight at
me. Very sincere he was,
too, though I couldnt
believe hed just said that.
I didnt know what to
say, and after looking at
the boss again, whose
eyes were by now
narrowed to slits and
drilling into my head, I
decided not to say
anything.
I understand the
Countess asked for your
help last night, Hardy
said, And you didnt feel
you could help her.
Another sip of coffee.
It wasnt a question of
what I felt, I said. It was
a question of competence.
She asked me to find and
stop a leak of a nonplumbing nature. Im not
competent to do that. If
its a leak in a pipe or a
fitting or a fixture, I can
do that. But Thats
where I ran out of steam.
I understand how you
feel, Hardy said, giving
me his best diplomatic
smile.
But this isnt about that,
he said. Its about trust.
To be continued...
Hofnerspitzel-Hoofnagle
(Thats me!) to be the next
senator to fill the soon to
be vacant seat of Senator
Whats-his-name.
We all know, men and
women alike, that a
woman is the best person
for this job, and that I am
particularly qualified for
this job, having raised
children, balanced a
budget, managed time
right down to the very
minute
on
many
occasions, not to mention
placating a husband who
is, as I write this, snoring
away on the sofa in the
living room after drinking
too many beers while
watching the football
game.
I know there are many
wom en who cou l d
probably fill the job of
Senator Whats his name,
but as I am the only one
actually running for the
job, I would sincerely
appreciate the support and
votes of everyone out
there reading this.
Brenda Bee
Hofnerspitzel-Hoofnagle,
Creosote Wells, Nevada
To the Editor:
Now I told you guys last
year right after that thing
happened to your office
that for a nominal fee I
could find the person or
persons responsible for
you, but you decided not
to use my services.
So it serves you right that
all these months later
youre still chasing the
Lovelace dame all over
the world even though
shes been hanging out in
a cheap motel room right
here in Vegas all this time.
So just because Im a
nice guy, I once again, for
a nominal fee, offer to tell
you exactly where she is.
Id bring her to you
myself in person, as it
were, but I am currently
involved in some highlevel, top secret stuff that
keeps me very busy and
wont allow me to be
away from my office right
now.
But you know where to
find me. Eh, eh, eh.
(Invoice attached for your
convenience.)
Vincent A. Lumbago,
Black Mountain, Nevada
The Birthday
Box
A special happy
birthday wish
goes out this
month from all
the crew at
Pentagon
Plumbing to
Gus Plumber to
the Stars
Andler!
Now go
celebrate!
Yaaaaaay!
Investigation into
Down the Drain
offices vandalism
continues
By Marlow Archer
Crime Beat Reporter
A spokesperson for the
Special Task Force
investigating the break-in
and vandalism of Down
the Drains offices
announced last week that
law
enforcement
authorities are close to
capturing fugitive gossip
columnist Bella Donna
Lovelace, who is a person
of interest in the
vandalism of Down the
Drains offices last
August.
According to the task
force, they have tracked
Lovelace from Las Vegas
to Fiji to the Hindu Kush
and from there to
Bazookastan, where she
apparently left disguised
as a refugee and made her
way to Germany via
Greece.
The trail went cold in
Germany, but authorities
think Lovelace re-entered
the United States last
month in San Francisco
on a tramp steamer out of
Singapore.
She is now thought to be
back in Las Vegas.
Authorities think the
purpose of her travels was
to avoid questioning in the
break-in of Down the
Drains offices, but that
she was also gathering
gossip and rumors for an
expos she is planning to
publish on the online
website Leakileaks in an
attempt to reestablish her
journalistic credentials.
Lov el ac e s p re ci s e
whereabouts are unknown
at this time, but authorities
are confident they are
closing in on her.
Pentagon Plumbing is
proud to be certified by
the American
Certification Association
and its Family of
Companies
Page 3
My
My God,
God, its
its full
full of
of pink!
pink!