Christina Connolly

W/R #5 TA #1
COMM231-0201
Dec. 1, 2015
A#3-Intro
Introduction
A. This story is about Sydney Kamil, a student at the University of Maryland who lost
her mother to cancer and is now living without any parents. Kamil used the obstacles in
her life to motivate herself and her twin sister, and she has come out a stronger and more
determined person.
Focus statement:
o General nut: With no close relatives and an absent father, Kamil was left
with her one sister who needed support as well, which forced her to look
at this time in her life as a time to become a role model.
o Specific nut: Although overwhelmed with grief and dispirited herself,
Kamil knew the moment her mother died she needed to stay resilient,
undefeated and determined.
B. The reader should care because this story is sadly a reality for many students. Kamil
is financially independent and working her way through college, which is a situation
familiar to many students in this country. Her positive attitude and perseverance can
serve as motivation for anyone in a similar situation.
Story techniques used:
o I pulled quotes from the interview that I thought added to the message of
perseverance.
o I followed the Wall Street Journal formula when writing my story, which
includes a soft lead, nut graphs, background information and a circle
kicker ending.
o I used the sections technique through my different subhead chunks in my
story. The background information and support for the nut graph were all
organized into different sections.
C. Diamondback target audiences
Students with financial/ family obstacles in college: This audience can benefit
from reading this profile because not only is it relatable to the struggling college
student, but the outcome shows Kamils ability to rise above her obstacles and
succeed academically and inspire those around her, which could have a positive
effect on those in similar situations.

(more)

Connolly, Introduction p.2

Students struggling academically: Even if a student does not have the financial
and emotional obstacles that Kamil faced, her will to succeed academically that is
outlined in this profile could serve as a good message for those who may feel
beaten down with work in college.

Those affected by cancer: Cancer is unfortunately very common and this story
can be directed to anyone who has battled or knows someone battling cancer.

D. News values
Human interest: The story describes the life of a student with some interesting
and emotional twists, which may pull the readers in. I showed how the obstacles
in her life have shaped who she is today and this transformation could be of
particular interest to certain audiences.
Conflict: Kamil faced a number of conflicts in her life. Although the conflicts
were not definitively resolved, Kamil became resolved as a person.
E. Soft/feature lead: I used an anecdotal lead and described the scene where Kamil
received a phone call that began a new chapter in her life. I tried to include details about
the visual scene, because Kamil described it very clearly in our interview. I then gave
some back up information that would explain the phone call.
How it hooks the reader: The descriptive scene makes the story sound as if it
may have a different route than I actually took. I quickly changed the direction of
the story when I included Kamils phone call with her aunt and what her aunt told
her.

Ws and Hs in lead
o Who: Sydney Kamil
o What: The situation Kamil was in with her mothers sickness
o Where: She returned to Middletown, New Jersey
o When: February

Why W/H priority used: I included the who and what because they are the most
important in a profile that focuses on a person. I included the location and time to
give the readers a more descriptive look into what happened to Kamil.

Transition techniques: I used subheads to denote changes in Kamils life. The

subheads represent different chapters in her life and how she changed in each.

Type of ending: Future action kicker. I describe how Kamil uses her past
experiences to inspire those around her and hopes to always serve as a positive
role model. Her goals are never far in sight, and she will continue to work
towards her professional goals not worrying about the obstacles she has faced.

(more)
Connolly, Introduction p.3

LORI
o Liveliness: I described Kamils well-known enthusiasm and positive
attitude to make the story lively
o Originality: I tried to describe Kamils experiences with descriptive
verbs to show the impact those experiences had on Kamil and those
around her. Describing her experiences makes the piece original because
her life events are unique, but the description made the story even more
distinctive
o Rhythm and sound: I attempted to
SEO CCT
43
vary the sentence and paragraph
WCT
869
lengths to give the story good flow
WPS
17.9
and rhythm
SPP
2.4
o Imagery/senses: I attempted to
describe the weather and setting in
Passive voice
6%
my lead to help readers envision the
Grade level
9.1
scene where Kamil received the
phone call
o Strong verbs: I used words like glistening whirled and battled to
help readers get a sense of the different scenes and some context for the
experiences Kamil and her mother went through

F. Readability stats

Mainbar:

Sidebar:

SEO CCT
WCT
WPS

59
265
20.6

SPP
Passive voice
Grade level

2.4
5%
10

(more)
Connolly, Introduction p.4
G. Tweet
Inspirational comm student Sydney Kamil motivates sisters at Alpha Xi Delta after ragic
year at UMD #SydMovesForward
CCT without hashtag: 99
CCT with hashtag: 116

###

Christina Connolly
W/R # 5 TA #1
COMM231-0201
Dec. 1, 2015
A#3-Mainbar:Fighting back

SEO: Sydney Kamil inspired after tragic death of mother

After a tragic start to her journey at the University of Maryland, Sydney Kamil
stands in front of her friends and loved ones determined to stay undefeated and inspire
greatness and perseverance.

UMD student determined to succeed

A heartbreaking story turned inspirational
The wind gusted and the glistening snow whirled into the sky on a bright
February day as Sydney Kamil received a phone call from her aunt. Kamil immediately
rushed back to her dorm room where she booked a train ticket to her hometown of
Holmdel, New Jersey. Her mothers sickness was taking a turn for the worse, and it was
time for Sydney to say her final goodbye.
For years, Kamils mother battled multiple forms of cancer. In February, the
disease spread to her brain, and her doctors knew she had a limited time left to live.
Kamil arrived at the hospital just a few hours after receiving that fateful call from her
aunt. She spent the next few days by her mothers bedside with her twin sister. Just a
week later, Kamils mother died.

With no close relatives and an absent father, Kamil was left with her one sister
who needed support as well, which forced her to look at this time in her life as a time to
become a role model.
(more)
Connolly, Fighting back p.2
I know that my sister is weaker than I am and I needed to be the sister that could
survive and come back stronger, Kamil said. Although overwhelmed with grief and
dispirited herself, Kamil knew the moment her mother died she needed to stay resilient
and determined.
The early years
Kamil is known for her buoyant and enthusiastic personality,

which

her friends say she has had her entire life. Because her mother was
diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2002, Kamil learned at a young age
the importance of staying positive and strong-willed.
Kamils strength has been tested since her mothers
diagnosis. The cancer had come and gone sporadically,
delivering Kamil and her family a multitude of
conflicting emotions. Kamils father has been absent
since she was 15, leaving most of her mothers caretaking

Kamil smiles for a photo at one of her

favorite New York City restaurants,
Buddakan.
Photo source: Sydney Kamil

and financial obligations to Kamil.

Kamil described her high school days as the hardest. I felt like I needed to be
home every second but it was depressing to be home. I kind of lost my mom as a person
a long time before she died. Kamil said.

Though emotionally distraught through the years, Kamil found the determination
to work two jobs, care for her mother and strive for academic excellence.
(more)
Connolly, Fighting back p.3
The need to be better
Kamil currently attends the University of Maryland. Her first semester was
challenging. Just before Kamil was to move onto campus, her mother was diagnosed
with another form of cancer, different from the ovarian.
Kamils grades began to drop and her well-known spirit
began to diminish.
I was trying to have fun [in college] but I felt so guilty,
Kamil said. Just a few months later, Kamil received the call
from her aunt, a phone call she had dreaded since her mothers
first diagnosis in 2002. After her mother died, Kamil was left
with no financial support, no home and no parents.
Kamil felt lost without her mother. It
was difficult for
spirit that she

Kamil poses for a photo with

her mother in the hospital.
Photo source: Sydney Kamil

her to find her well-known, enthusiastic

possessed all her life. However, Kamil

saw her mothers death as a reason to better herself.

I knew the second that [my mom] died everything was
going to be different, Kamil said. I had lost both the role
models, and now I needed to be a better person for my sister.

Did you know ovarian cancer

Affects over 22,000 women
each year
Is the 8th most common
cancer among women
Has a 45% survival rate

(more)

Connolly, Fighting back p.4

Kamil felt the need to protect her sister by showing her unending strength and
grit. She shifted her focus back to her academics, determined to power through her
remaining years at Maryland and keep her long-term goal of becoming a forensic
accountant in sight. I couldnt be the girl that was just defeated, Kamil said.
Just this year, Kamil signed up to participate in the universitys Reserve Officers'
Training Corps program (ROTC), which trains students to become military officers while
offering tuition scholarships. Kamil hoped this would further her career goals and give
her more financial stability at Maryland.
Desire to inspire

I couldnt be the girl that was

Today, Kamil is an active member in Greek life and

just defeated. I know that my

hopes to use her experiences and new outlook to inspire her

sister is weaker than I am and

sorority. Like I said, I need to be a role model, Kamil

said. I need to show everyone that you can make it

I needed to be the sister that

could survive and come back
stronger.

despite whatever may happen to make you feel like you

-Sydney Kamil

cant.

Kamil hopes to encourage her sorority sisters to reach their full potential. She
feels the same responsibility she felt with her twin sister and wishes to serve as a
motivating role model for those who feel beaten down.

At 19 years old, Kamil has faced more adversity than most have seen in a
lifetime. Rather than succumb to the pressure of her many hardships, Kamil decided
instead to serve as an inspiration to others.
(more)
Connolly, Fighting back p. 5
Kamil says her most important goal is just to stay positive, something that has
been difficult given the events in her life, but has pushed her to be the person she is today.

###

Christina Connolly
W/R #5 TA #1
COMM231-0201
Dec. 1, 2015
A#3-Sidebar: Maryland ROTC

SEO: Marylands ROTC program provides career opportunities for

students
College program trains students for military and government professions
For some students, waking up at 6 a.m. is one of their largest struggles. For
Reserve Officer Training Corps students, its a daily grind. ROTC programs are a widely
popular addition to many universities in the United States and offer students the
opportunities to enhance leadership skills through their military education and training.
The University of Maryland is
known as one of the top public
universities in the country for its
academic excellence, innovation and
career opportunities. Its ROTC program
has a similar reputation, ranking among
the highest programs in the nation.

ROTC students pose in front of Testudo.

Photo source: armyrotc.umd.edu

Marylands ROTC program has

earned itself the MacArthur Award, a prestigious honor awarded to ROTC programs
based on the achievement of the programs commissioning mission, the students
individual successes and the programs ranking on the National Order of Merit List.

(more)

Connolly, Maryland ROTC p.2

Students in Marylands ROTC program participate in intense physical training

and attend classes for military and government education. Students are also exposed to
valuable experiences and are eligible for reduced tuition, which are reasons why student
Sydney Kamil first joined.
The program provided me with opportunities to further my career goals and get
my education paid for, a combination that is so helpful for a struggling college student
like me, Kamil said.
ROTC programs have seen a recent increase in enrollment all over the nation. The
programs provide numerous career opportunities and experiences for those interested in
working in the military or closely with the government. The programs are expected to
expand even more in the near future.

###

Christina Connolly
W/R #5 TA #1
COMM231-0201
Dec. 1, 2015
A#3-Background
Background
Source list:

Primary- Sydney Kamil

o Phone: 732-865-5770
o Email: sjkamil@gmail.com
o First interview: Monday, November 16
o Email interview: I asked Sydney for any additional information through
email.

Secondaryo Mackenzie Genthe (friend of Kamils)

o Phone: 973-647-9567
o Phone interview: Genthe and I texted or called to discuss Kamils life
experiences and how Genthe observed her behavior change through it all.
o
o
o
o

Mel Kamil (Sydneys twin sister)

Email: Melzy937@comcast.net
Phone: 732-865-5783
Email interview: I contacted Mel just once to get a little more
background on the situation she was put in with her sister, but most of the
information she provided Sydney provided as well.

Source of another culture: Kamil and her sister practice the Jewish religion, a
culture different from my Catholic background. I was able to see the differences
between the two religions, but did not include her religion in the profile because it
was not relevant to the story.

(more)

Connolly, Background p.2

Secondary references:
http://www.armyrotc.umd.edu/index.html
o I used the University of Marylands Army ROTC website to get
information about the program to include in my sidebar story.
http://www.ovariancancer.org
o I used a website about ovarian cancer to put statistics into my fact box.
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/ovariancancer/detailedguide/ovarian-cancer-keystatistics
o I used another website for more statistics about ovarian cancer and also
included these in my fact box.

###

Christina Connolly
W/R #5 TA #1
COMM231-0201
Dec. 1, 2015
A#3- Background blog
Profile writing techniques
When writing my profile on Sydney Kamil, I used the Wall Street Journal formula, which
starts with a soft lead before moving to the nut, which explains the main point of the
story. The nut must be supported with background information and the formula ends with
a circle kicker. I used a future action kicker in my profile.
When writing a profile, Carole Rich suggests writers

Observe descriptive details

Do background research
Find a unifying theme
Check social media
Plan an order for the story

GOAL method
A great way to provide background and support for your profile is by using the GOAL
method, which focuses on the profilees goals, obstacles, achievements and logistics.
This method provides an organized outline for your profile and detail that supports your
nut.
I incorporated the GOAL method into my profile by outlining Kamils long-term
professional goals and the many obstacles, such as her unfortunate family situation, that
stood in her way. I also included that she overcame those obstacles and how she did so.
Tips for profile success
Julie Sullivan, a reporter for The Oregonian, suggests eliminating extraneous information
and keeping profiles concise. This means limiting the number of quotes used to maintain
reader interest. Alan Richman, a writer for GQ magazine, says it is important to prepare

for your interview by doing research and being familiar with what you are asking your
profilee.

(more)
Connolly, Background blog p.2
My interview
I heard about Sydney Kamil through a friend who lived near her last year. I was
fascinated by Kamils story so I received her number from our mutual friend and set up a
time to meet her. I had my laptop and typed all the information she told me to make sure
I included every detail. I repeated her answers back to her to ensure accuracy.
After the interview, I emailed her with any additional questions I had to finish up my
story. When writing this profile, I knew there was some information that may have been
too sensitive to share, which handed me an ethical dilemma. I tried to remain as
respectful and sensitive as possible.
###

Christina Connolly
W/R #5 TA #1
COMM231-0201
Dec. 1, 2015
A#3- Storyboard
Homepage
The homepage of the website would include a
series of photos of Kamil in a slideshow for
artistic effect.

Photo source: Sydney Kamil

The homepage will also include Kamils full

This page would include
a solo
name and
an inspirational quote from her.
picture of Kamil smiling to show her
positivity.

Sydney
Kamil

I need to be a role model, I need to show

everyone that you can make it despite
whatever may happen to make you feel like
you cant.
Photo source: Sydney Kamil
Sydney Kamil grew up in Holmdel, a
small town in central New Jersey with
her mother, twin sister and father. In
2002, her mother was diagnosed with
ovarian cancer, changing Kamils life
forever.
For 13 years, Kamils mother battled
different forms of cancer, forcing Kamil
to grow up at a very young age. When
her father was no longer a part of her
life in 2011, Kamil and her twin sister
were forced to take on the household
responsibilities while providing for the
family financially. Kamil worked two
jobs while still attending high school.
Kamil graduated high school in the
spring of 2014 with academic honors
and an acceptance to the University of
Maryland. She attended the university in
the fall of 2014.

This page would also include a

description of Kamils past
experiences in a short biography.

(more)

Connolly,
Storyboard p.2
About Sydney
page

(more)
Connolly, Storyboard p.3
The winter of 2015 brought more trouble to
Kamil. Her mothers cancer had spread, and
doctors predicted she had a short amount of
time left to live. Kamils mother died in
February of 2015, leaving Kamil with just
her twin sister.
Kamil is now financially independent and
working her way through college while
striving for academic excellence.

Sydney Inspires page

Biography continued

This page would include a

picture of Kamils sorority,
Alpha Xi Delta at the
University of Maryland.

Photo source: http://alphaxiumd.tumblr.com

Sydney Kamil hopes to inspire her sisters in Alpha Xi

Delta with her experiences and positive attitude.
Kamil says her most important goal is just to stay
positive, something that has been difficult given the
events in her life, but has pushed her to be the person
she is today.

The page will also include a

description of how Kamil
has inspired her friends in
her sorority. I am including
a line from my profile.

(more)

Connolly, Storyboard p.4

What is ovarian cancer? page

Ovarian cancer is the irregular and abnormal growth

of cells in the womans reproductive glands, the
ovaries.
The causes of ovarian cancer are still unknown.

This page will include a

description of ovarian cancer
and its statistics as well as a
link to donate for this type of
cancers research.

Ovarian cancer is the 8th most common type of

cancer in women, giving women a 1 in 75 chance of
developing the disease in their lifetime.

Statistics provided by:

http://www.ovariancancer.org

Over 22,000 women are diagnosed with ovarian

cancer each year.
Ovarian cancer currently has a 45.6% survival rate.
To donate, visit
https://web.charityengine.net/Default.aspx?tsid=1232
I will also include a photo of
the ovarian cancer ribbon.

Photo source: https://news.usc.edu/56463/uscresearchers-to-study-genetic-risk-of-ovarian-cancer/

###