CHAPTER FOURTEEN

“Boy have I met some people who can talk! They’d talk
the moons out of Uranus I can tell you! Yap, yap, yap,
yap, yap! By God, some people can go on and on and
on. Never catch me yapping on, no you won’t. Mind you,
I like a chat. A little chat. Just now and then. Reminds
me of the time we were down on the planet Rymos,
bloody freezing it was. Otto was there and we had just
lit a fire when I turned and said to him……”
DENNIS, KLINGER PRISONER

PART ONE
“Hey Lieutenant, we’ve got company,” the Klinger private said, spotting the
ship approaching on his scanner.
Basking in the glories that Draygo was predicting, the Lieutenant was irrita
ted by the interruption. “Put them on my monitor,” he snapped then turned back t
o listen to the General’s speech.
The Private sighed and began tapping in the order. “Why do I have to be on d
uty?” he moaned to himself. “Why can’t I be listening to General Draygo’s speech
with the others? Why can’t I--”
The Private’s complaints came to a sudden halt as the Federation ship Orion
appeared on his monitor. Eyes widening, he tugged at the Lieutenant’s sleeve.
“You’d better look at this, sir,” he said.
“Oh what the hell--” the Lieutenant began then stopped when he saw what was
on his monitor.
Just as he was reaching for the emergency alarm button, a voice came over th
e monitor’s small speakers.
“This is Klinger Captain Dennis Thrax to the Klinger battle fleet – respond
with Code IR5.”
The Lieutenant’s hand hovered over the button. “Tap in the Code,” he ordered
.
The Private tapped in the secret Klinger ship-to-ship Code and the Orion van
ished from the monitor and was replaced by a Klinger who was wearing the blue cl
oak of a Captain.
“Greetings Lieutenant!” Captain Dennis said, grinning.
The Lieutenant peered at the screen and his eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Wha
t are you doing on a Federation ship, sir?” he asked.
Dennis’s grin broadened. “A captured Federation ship, you mean!” he correcte
d. “We’re taking it back for Space Marshall Ruxell – he wants to study the weapo
ns system.”
The Lieutenant smiled and removed his hand from the alarm button. The mentio
n of Space Marshall Ruxell plus the fact that the Captain had used the secret sh
ip-to-ship Code had allayed his fears.
“Where’s your own ship, sir?” he asked.
“It passed a few minutes ago. Didn’t you see it?”
The Lieutenant shifted uncomfortably. “No sir, we didn’t. We’re all listenin
g to General Draygo.”
“Oh the General!” said Dennis. “I know him well. Can I have a word with him?
”
Standing well out of camera range, the Captain cringed. “Don’t push your luc
k, Dennis,” he muttered. “Don’t push your luck.”
Since he hadn’t yet told Dennis and Otto about his previous agreement with R
icky to let them go, the Captain had dangled their freedom in front of them if i
n return Dennis agreed to contact the Klinger battle fleet and convince them tha
t they were on a captured Federation ship on their way home.
The bait wasn’t necessary. Dennis had jumped at the opportunity to help and
with the promise of a trip to the seaside sometime in the near future, Otto was
hovering behind him, adding authenticity to the deception.
“No I’m afraid you can’t talk to the General,” the Lieutenant told Dennis. “
He’s making a speech before we go on our mission.”
Dennis affected convincing disappointment. “Oh well, pity about that. I have
n’t seen old Draygo for yonks. Last time I saw him he threatened to put me down
a rubbish chute!” he said, laughing.
“Get on with it, Dennis, get on with it,” the Captain muttered through gritt
ed teeth.
On the battle cruiser, the Lieutenant was also gritting his. He was missing
Draygo’s speech and wanted to get back to it.
“So you’re off on a mission, are you?” Dennis continued chattily, much to ev
eryone’s annoyance. “Must be something special with half the fleet there.”
“It is,” replied the Lieutenant. “We’re going to wipe out Earth. Draygo’s go
t hold of some Anti-Matter.”
“Has he?” said Dennis, raising his hairy eyebrows. “He wants to be careful w
ith that. It’s pretty dangerous stuff, you know. One spark and the whole fleet c
ould go up. Reminds me of the time we were exploring the other side of the plane
t Kedatryl. We had some terrible explosions there. Ever been to Kedatryl?”
Barely concealing his irritation, the Lieutenant shook his head. ‘Trust me t
o get stuck with a long winded bore in the middle of Draygo’s speech,’ he though
t.
“It’s a strange place,” Dennis went on. “Got two atmospheres, you know, bit
like a double rainbow. Ever seen a double rainbow? Gorgeous, aren’t they? All th
ose lovely--”
His chatter was interrupted as Otto thrust a note in front of him.
“Oh excuse me till I read this, Lieutenant,” he said, unfolding it.
‘GET OFF THE FRIGGING SCREEN NOW!!’ said the note.
Dennis smiled at it then glanced up. “Sorry about this, Lieutenant,” he said
, “but I’ll have to go. Something’s cropped up. Well, good luck on the mission.”
“Yes, thanks sir,” the Lieutenant replied, relieved that he was finally gett
ing away. “See you when we return.”
“Oh hang on a minute,” Dennis said, just as the Lieutenant was about to swit
ch off his monitor, “you don’t happen to know if there’s a Corporal Brick along
on the mission, do you?” he asked, then glanced to the side as something caught
his eye.
Off camera, General Bradley had one of his laser pistols pointed at him and
his finger was tightening on the trigger.
“Forget it,” Dennis said quickly. “Must dash. Good luck.”
“Thanks sir – bye,” the Lieutenant replied, seizing his opportunity and flic
king off his monitor. He breathed a sigh of relief and turned to the Private. “R
elay a message through the fleet,” he ordered. “There’s a captured Federation sh
ip passing. Anybody who contacts them is liable to be talking to its Klinger Cap
tain for the rest of the night.”
Back on the bridge of the Orion, Dennis turned and beamed at everyone. “Well
how did I do, gents?” he asked.
“Wonderful,” replied the Captain. “You’re a natural.”
“Talker or liar?” grunted General Bradley, holstering his laser pistol.
Dennis grinned and took off Simon’s blue cloak. “Glad to have been able to h
elp, gents,” he said. “Really enjoyed it. Anytime you need me, just say the word
. Having a bit of a party are we?” he asked, taking in the American football shi
rts, baseball caps and Mr Sprock’s frilly pink dress. “Must be a bit naughty goi
ng by that stuff you’re wearing. Bit on the kinky side is it, eh? I’ve been to s
ome wild parties in my time I can tell you.”
“Tell us some other time,” the Captain said wearily. He nodded to the two En
signs who escorted him and Otto from the bridge.
“Right – everybody back to their posts!” General Bradley ordered. “Let’s get
 this show underway!”
The depleted bridge crew returned to their positions and everybody watched t
he rear observation screen as the Orion drifted away from the Klinger fleet. The
plan was simple enough – to give the impression they were moving past and then
double back and fire.
“How far off the firing position are we?” the Captain asked Mr Sprock.
Mr Sprock glanced at his monitor. “Eighty space miles, Jim,” he replied.
“Let me know when it’s one hundred and fifty,” the Captain said, “then we’ll
double back.”
Sprock nodded and the Captain strolled over to the Weapons Console.
General Bradley grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Get the nukes warmed
up, boy!” he ordered.
“Yes General,” said the Captain. He slid back a metal panel on the console a
nd punched some buttons underneath. The buttons glowed green then moments later
turned red. “Weapons ready,” he announced.
“One hundred and fifty space miles,” Mr Sprock said calmly.
“Turn us around!” yelled the General. “Let’s kick some Commie ass!”
“Let’s hope the Klingers are too busy listening to Draygo to bother with the
ir scanners,” muttered the Captain.
“Agreed, Jim,” said Sprock.
Crackers swung the Orion around and as they headed back towards the Klinger
fleet, Mr Sprock continued to watch the figures on his monitor.
“One hundred and twenty space miles,” he announced.
The Captain leaned forward at his console and contacted the Engine Room. He
had warned Jocky earlier that they would require Warped Speed and now he was rea
dy to implement the order. “Ready for Warped Speed?” he asked.
“Anytime surr,” came Jocky’s reply. “Just say the word.”
“I’ll leave the line open,” the Captain told him. “Go to Warped Speed on my
command.”
“Eighty spaces miles,” said Sprock.
The Captain punched some buttons on the Weapons Console. “Lasers locked and
ready for firing,” he announced.
“Fifty space miles,” said Sprock.
The Captain punched some more buttons. “Shields up,” he announced.
“Forty space miles to our firing position,” said Sprock. “How is our approac
h angle?” he asked.
“Locked on a thirty seven degree approach,” replied Crackers. “Ready for fir
ing.”
General Bradley grinned and strapped himself into his seat. “Hang on boys!”
he yelled happily. “Let’s nuke them sons of bitches!!”

PART TWO
On board the Klinger battle cruiser the Private who had earlier spotted the
Orion joined in the cheering and whistling at something General Draygo had just
said.
At first he had watched his scanner closely but as the small dot which repre
sented the Orion began heading away from the fleet he had lost interest and his
attention had drifted back to the observation screen and Draygo.
He had leapt to his feet to join in some applause with the others and now th
at it was dying down he turned and took his seat again. Still grinning he glance
d casually at his scanner and the grin died on his ugly face.
He reached out and grabbed the Lieutenant’s sleeve again, his eyes on the sm
all dot which had turned back and was rapidly approaching the fleet. Not wanting
to be bothered a second time, the Lieutenant shook him off.
“Sir!” the Private persisted, grabbing his sleeve again and shaking it.
“What the hell is it now!?” the Lieutenant snapped.
The Private pointed a thick finger at his scanner.
 The Lieutenant’s hairy eyebrows shot up his forehead. “Jesus!” he exclaimed.
“They’re attacking!” He hit the alarm button then turned and started shoving hi
s way through the crowd of warriors watching Draygo. “Captain!” he yelled. “Enem
y ship on the scanner! We’re being attacked!”
“Raise Shields,” the Captain ordered calmly then turned to his open ship-to-
ship line. “Fleet under attack. Raise Shields,” he relayed.
“Fire!” announced Mr Sprock on the Orion.
“Fire!” echoed General Bradley. “Nuke the bastards!!”
The Captain hit the red buttons on his Console then turned to his open line
to the Engine Room. “Warped Speed!” he ordered Jocky.
Crackers veered the Orion away and seconds later they hit Warped Speed as th
eir laser shot was deflected off the Shield of the Klinger ship in the second ci
rcle.
“Fleet under attack! Raise Shields!” the voice ordered over the ship-to-ship
line on the Mother Ship but enthralled by General Draygo’s speech, nobody heard
it,
Except Kharg.
His oval yellow eyes flicked to a nearby scanner and he saw the dot racing a
way from the fleet. He turned to warn Draygo as the Orion’s laser shot deflected
off the Shields of the ship in the fourth inner circle.
“So let’s get this mission under way!” Draygo announced, finishing his speec
h. “And we’ll show the Universe what we Klingers are made of!”
The deflected laser shot hit the Mother Ship. It exploded in a huge billowin
g red and yellow ball. A millisecond later the Anti-Matter exploded as well.
“Son of a bitch!” muttered General Bradley, watching on the rear observation
screen. He un-strapped himself and jumped up and down excitedly. “Fry you Commi
e Mothers! Fry!” he yelled.
The force of the exploding Mother Ship hurled the Anti-Matter outwards and s
econds later the innermost circles disintegrated in bright orange flame.
The Captain glanced over at Mr Sprock who raised an approving eyebrow.
The circle of gigantic supply ships was next to go, their massive fuel holds
igniting and spraying burning fountains across space into the next two rings of
attack ships.
The attack ships tried to flee but in their panic to get away several of the
m collided with each other or with some of the ponderous battle cruisers which w
ere also intent on escape.
“Look at then Commies burn!” General Bradley yelled, dancing around.
The Orion’s rear observation screen now showed a mass of billowing, shooting
flames as ship after ship exploded fiercely. The darkness of space was lit up a
s the entire Klinger fleet erupted in thundering explosions.
“Distance?” the Captain asked.
“Seventy space miles,” Sprock replied. “We should feel it shortly.”
Moments later the outer wave of the massive explosion broke over the Orion.
Although their Shields deflected most of it they were badly buffeted and thrown
off course.
The Captain, Mr Sprock and Mr Crackers were jolted around in their seats but
that was the worst they suffered because they had wisely remained strapped in.
General Bradley however was dancing up and down in front of the rear observation
screen when the ship started getting thrown around.
Some continuous rocking knocked him off balance and he fell, striking his he
ad on the edge of a console. When the buffeting stopped the others quickly un-st
rapped themselves and rushed over to him.
Sprock was first there and he knelt down and checked his breathing and pulse
. “He’s knocked himself out, Captain,” he said.
The Captain strolled back over to his command chair and contacted the Sick B
ay. “To the bridge immediately, Doctor Malloy,” he requested, a smile on his fac
e. “General Bradley has just resigned his commission!”