The True Story of Lavender and the DinoDash

A long, long time ago, there was a dinosaur-filled land named

DinoTopia. Every year, there is the annual DInoDash, in which all
of the most courageous, most physically fit dinosaurs gather
together to test their athleticism. The DinoDash is an 100 mile
race which included various obstacle courses that even the most
agile of dinos fail to complete. Since the establishment of this
race in 1990, a female dinosaur has never completed or even
attempted to complete this race. You see, in Dinotopia, a female
dinosaurs place is supposed to be within the home. They should
be the caregivers to the wee dino children and should spend their
time gathering leaves and roasting animal carcass for their
omnivorous husbands. This was life. No one questioned it. As a
child, Lavender, an outspoken, independent, pink Triceratops
watched her mother, Dottie, as she trained for the DinoDash.
Every year, Lavender became saddened, knowing that her mother
would never end up registering for or competing in the race,
fearful that she would be totally isolated and negatively judged by
members of her patriarchal community. Not to mention,
Lavenders traditional father, Nevus, frequently expressed
disapproval regarding Dotties free-spirited nature and the fact
that she neglected her wifely duties on the days that she spent
training for the race. One day, upon returning home from a
tiresome day at work, Nevus sat down at the dinner table,

expecting his usual lizard-insect stew to be promptly delivered to

the table. He sat at the table for an entire hour, anticipating
Dotties entrance into the dining room holding on to the usual,
steaming bowl of stew, but Dottie never entered. LAVENDAR!
Nevus shouted, so loudly that a tremor was felt throughout the
cave. Yes, dad, Lavender said in a hushed, reticent voice.
WHERE IN DINOS NAME IS YOUR MOTHER? Nevus questioned
angrily. Well, dad, dont be upset. But mom went out to train for
the DinoDash today. I think that she really is going to register and
compete this year. Isnt that exciting? Exciting? EXCITING? No,
Lavender, it is far from exciting. It is terrible. Horrible. I would
rather a giant meteor come and land right on our cave. This is
awful. I have been waiting an hour for dinner. If she keeps training
then I will surely starve to death. As far as I am concerned, your
mother will never train again! And her mother never did.
10 years later.
Lavender, 18 years old, had just graduated from Dinotopia High
School as the Valedictorian of her class. With such an impressive
list of academic and extra-curricular accomplishments, Lavender
had developed lofty dreams to become the first female, dinosaur
on the moon or to invent the first T-Rex arm-extender or to create
the first meat-flavored leafy greens targeted towards herbivores.
As she reached for her diploma, dreaming about all of the things
she would accomplish in the future, she heard a faint sound
coming from someone in the front row. Who cares that shes the
Valedictorian? Shes never going to be anything more than a stayat-home dino. Her heart palpitated. Her blood boiled. She
recognized that voice: Vinny. Vinny was her arch-nemesis all
throughout high school. Vinny was in the Dino Chompers: a group
of Dino boys who spent most days skipping class and engaging in
illicit Dino activities. Jealous of Lavenders academic success,
Vinny constantly taunted her about her good grades and teased
her regarding her astuteness. Lavender, however, remained
unperturbed by his cruel words. However, Vinny knew the one
thing to say that would truly crush Lavenders spirit: No matter
how smart you are, I will always be more successful then you
because Im a man. I have the ultimate advantage Lavender

knew that these words did have an element of truth in such a

traditional village like Dinotopia and, of cousre, they made her
feel a bit hopeless.
A few days after graduation, Lavender saw a promotional poster
for this years DinoDash stapled to a lamp post outside of the
local pet store. As Lavender was reading the poster in order to
determine the date of the race, Vinny walked by and said, Hey,
Loser Lavender. Youre not really thinking of running that race,
right? Youre a geek AND a girl. Theres no way you can do it.
Lavender grew angered. Well, Vinny. I guess I will have to prove
you wrong because I will be there and I will win. Vinny laughed
maniacally. Dont be ridiculous, Lavender. You wont win if Im
running the race.which I am. Good luck to you, you silly girl.
Youre going to need it. Vinny walked away, his growing ego
palpable from a mile away. Lavender was no longer enraged. She
was inspired. She was determined. She was going to race. She
was going to win.
Lavender spent the next week devising a rigorous training
regimen that she would not stray from until the day of the race,
which was a mere four weeks away. She would run 20 miles every
day the first week, then 50 the next week, then 70 and, then 90.
On weekends, she would focus on strength training so she could
efficiently and successfully complete all of the obstacles. After
this regimen was completed, she took a look at herself in the
mirror and she said, I am Lavender, the first woman to ever win
the DinoDash.
The day after Lavender created this training regimen she began
training. Her mother observed with pride as Lavender ran every
day, sweat dripping down her scales and a look of perseverance
plastered upon on her face. More than anyone, even Lavender
herself, Lavenders mother wanted to see her daughter compete
in the race and do what she had not been brave enough to do.
Lavender became really dedicated to keeping track of her
progress, which she would quantify through the measurement of
her bodys length every time she came out of her seltzer-

infused bathtub. She realized that as she gained more muscle

mass, her body began to grow and lengthen. Slowly but surely,
she was making progress. Lavender began her training at a mere
1.75 inches long and progressed to 3.2 inches by the end of day 3
and 3.9inches at the end of day 5. Lavenders dream of becoming
the first female Dino to win or compete, for that matter, in the
DinoDash was turning into a tangible reality.

Lavender in her seltzer-infused bathtub.

On the other side of DinoTopia, Vinny had begun a training
regimen of his own. Although this regimen was just as rigorous as
Lavenders, Vinny believed that he was already mighty enough to
win this race. He didnt need to train. He was a man and
inherently had the strength to win the race and beat his most
hated opponent, Lavender. Vinny, like Lavender, enjoyed tracking
his progress after he took his milk-infused baths every day. After
each bath, he would measure his bodys length. Starting at 1.5
inches in length, Vinnys size increased to a whopping (or so Vinny
thought) 2.0 inches over 5 days! Vinny, unaware of his slow
progress in relation to Lavenders, began to brag about his more
sculpted musculature and his increasing length to anyone that
would listen.

Vinny in his milk-infused bath

Throughout the 5 days of progress-tracking, Lavender and Vinny

both created a line graph so they would have a visual
representation of their progress to show to passerbys, in Vinnys
case, or as a constant reminder of the progress that continues to
be made, in Lavenders case. They both kept these charts in their
pockets so they could access them whenever they wanted.

Vinny enjoying his

relaxing, slightly spoiled
milk-infused bath before
measurement (right)
Lavender enjoying her
seltzer-infused bath
before measurement (left)
One day, Lavender and Vinny
came across one another and
Vinny instantly began
boasting about his progress. He vigorously waved his graph in
front of Lavenders face so she could see how much he has
grown. Lavender grabbed his graph out of his hand and observed

it slowly and carefully, noticing a very gentle slope illustrating his

data. Lavender then saracastically said, Wow, Vinny. Looks like
you have been working really hard to train for this race. Would
you like to see the progress I have made? I made a similar graph.
Vinny ripped the graph out of Lavenders hand and superimposed
the two graphs together by placing his on top of hers. He was
stunned by what he was seeing (see below).

Vinny squinted. Maybe his vision was poor and he was not viewing
the graph properly. Nothing changed. He shook his head rapidly
back and forth. Maybe his brain had shifted and it needed to be
jolted back into place. Again, nothing had changed.
This graph is inaccurate. Let me see your data. Without
hesitating, Lavender offered up her data to Vinny and she
watched as he stood there, comparing their data. He glanced
back and forth at the two pieces of paper as if he was watching a
tennis match. This is what he saw.

Vinnys Data:
Day
1
(AM)
1.5
in

Day
1
(PM)
1.6
in

Day
2
(AM)
1.8
in

Day
2
(PM)
1.9
in

Day
3
(AM)
1.9in

Day
3
(PM)
1.9in

Day
4
(AM)
2.0in

Day
4
(PM)
2.0in

Day
5
(AM)
2.1in

Day
5
(PM)
2.0in

Day
2
(PM)
2.5in

Day
3
(AM)
3in

Day
3
(PM)
3.2in

Day
4
(AM)
3.4in

Day
4
(PM)
3.6in

Day
5
(AM)
3.9in

Day
5
(PM)
3.9in

Lavenders Data:
Day
1
(AM)
1.75i
n

Day
1
(PM)
1.9in

Day
2
(AM)
2.3in

Vinny was shocked at the progress that Lavender had made in

such a short span of time. She was a female dino so, to him, this
did not make sense. A female dinos place is in the kitchen. It is
not at the DinoDash. But even Vinny could not deny that Lavender
had a chance at victory.
The day of the race came soon after Lavenders encounter with
Vinny. The whole town of DinoTopia looked on as they witnessed
the first female to ever compete in the race. Lavenders mother
watched in suspense as her daughter lived the dream that she
had not achieved. Lavender leapt gracefully over each obstacle,
kept a respectable pace throughout the entire race and breathed
deeply as she accepted the possibility that she could win. After 99
miles, the final mile had approached. Lavender looked around her

and realized that no dino was ahead of her and none were behind.
Where was Vinny? She wanted to prove him wrong and, yet, she
wanted to see his look of defeat after she had won the race.
Suddenly, the finish line approached and she saw a blur of joyous
faces as her chest broke the golden tape of victory. She noticed
little girls holding up signs reading, Go, Lavender! Show
DinoTopia how its done! She stopped, exhausted and stunned,
and heard a little girl utter to her mother, Mommy, one day I
want to win the DinoDash, too. Lavenders heart fluttered with
merriment as she heard the inspired words of this mystery child.
They fluttered harder and harder as she realized that she was
losing consciousness from fatigue. A few minutes later, she
awoke. Her family and friends surrounding her, chanting her
name. Her mother, Dottie, received a tap on the back and turned
around but Lavender could not quite see who it was that had
touched her. Suddenly, Vinny appeared, looking broken and
saddened by his loss. He approached her slowly, leaned down,
and whispered, in the most genuine, delicate voice, I am
impressed, Lavender. You were a worthy opponent.