But men process information very differently.

Before they talk or respond, they

first silently mull over or think about what they have heard or experienced. Inter
nally and silently they figure out the most correct or useful response. They fir
st formulate it inside and then express it. This process could take from minutes
to hours. And to make matters even more confusing for women, if he does not hav
e enough information to process an answer, a man may not respond at all.
A man doesn t realize that to a woman the little things are just as important as t
he big things. In other words, to a woman, a single rose gets as many points as
paying the rent on time. Without understanding this basic difference in score ke
eping, men and women are continually frustrated and disappointed in their relati
onships.
A man thinks he scores high with a woman when he does something very big for her
, like buying her a new car or taking her on a vacation. He assumes he scores le
ss when he does something small, like opening the car door, buying her a flower,
or giving her a hug. Based on this kind of score keeping, he believes he will f
ulfill her best by focusing his time, energy, and attention into doing something
large for her. This formula, however, doesn t work because women keep score diffe
rently. When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is,
it scores one point; each gift has equal value. Its size doesn t matter; it gets a
point. A man, however, thinks he scores one point for one small gift and thirty
points for a big gift. Since he doesn t understand that women keep score differen
tly, he naturally focuses his energies into one or two big gifts.
You cannot, nor should you ever try to, change your partner. That is his or her
job. Your job is to change the ways you communicate, react, and respond to your
partner.
Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings about her day, and her husba
nd, thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solution
s to her problems.