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    Introduction Teaching from Within ie ‘Ab not tobe cof, ot ahrugh the alight prion Shuto fom hen of hear “Theinner—t int? ronnie ky, hue through with ede an deep "wth he wind of hanesoming = Raonen Mata Ra, “Anno roe cur ore WE TEACH Wio We ARE [lam teacher at heart, and there ate moments in the classroom when I ea bardly bold thejoy- When my students and I discover un- charted territory to exploce, when the pathway out of thickec opens Up before us, when our experiences illumined by the lightning ie ‘ofthe mind-—chen teaching isthe finest work now. ‘But at ether moments the classroom is 0 lifeless or painful or confused —and I am so powerless wo do anybing about ita iny tdaim tobe a teacher seems a tranaparentaharn, Then the eneiny i ceverywhere:in chose students from some alien planet, in that subicct { choughe knew, and in the personal pathology that kee Jing my living this way. What a fol 1 was to imagine that I had mas tered this occult ar—harder to divine than tea leaves and impossible for mortals coda even pasa welll you area teacher who never has bad days or who as them but oes not care thisbook snot for you. This bok is for teachers who have good daysand bad, and whose bad days bring the suffering that comes foaly fom something one loves. eis for teachers who refuse robarlen ‘their hears because the love learners learning, andthe esching ‘When you love your work that much—snd many teachers othe oly way to get out of trouble is o go deeper in. We most ‘enter no evade, the tangles of teaching #0 we ean undeewand thems Sezer aud notte den with ace grace not only to guaed our ‘owe spirits ag serve our stents wel ‘Those tngles have three important sousces. The frst two are commonplace, but the tied, and most fundamental, is ately given fits duc, First the subjects we teach are a large and complex life, so our knovedge of them isahways Haste and partial. Na matter howe we devore ourselves to reading and research caching requires ‘command of content that always cde ur grap. Second the st. ‘ents we teach are larger than life and even move complex. To see ‘them clearly and see them whole, and respond to them wisely in the ‘momtent, requires a fusion of Freud and Solomon that few of us achieve students andl subjects sceounted forall the complexities of teaching, our standard ways of coping would do—kecp up with out Fckls as best we can and learn enough techniques to stay ahead of the student psyche. But theres another razon for hese complies: we teach who we are, ‘Teaching, ike any truly human actisity emerges fom one's in- watuness, for better or worse. As Teach, I project the canition of ny soul onto my students, my subject and our way of being togethe. ‘The entanglements | experience in the dlasstoom are often no more for less than the eonvolutions of my inner life. Viewed from this angle, sacking holds a mior tothe sou. IF am willing to ook in ‘that rrr and not run fom what ee, have a chance to gain self knowledge—and knowing myself crucial to good teaching as ‘knowing my students al my subject. In fact, nowing my students and say subjece depends heavily ‘on self knowledge. When Ido nt know myself cannot know who ny sdents ae. wl see them through glass darkly, in the shad ‘ows of my unexainined lfe—and when I eannot se them clearly, Teannor reach them well. When {do not knove myself, cannot know my subject--not atthe deepest levels of embodied, personal meaning Twill know only abstractly, from a distances a congeties ‘of concepes a far removed feom the world se Tam from petsonal truth ‘The work required to "know thysel™ ix either sli nor nae cissite. Whatever self-knowledge we atain as teachers wil serve tur seudents and our scholarship well, Good teaching. sesuires ef knowledge: it is seeret hidden in plain sight, LANDSCAPES INNER AND OUTER “Thisbook explore the teacher's inns but ita aes ques {onthe ges beyond the lade the eeher su: How ean the teacher slfied become aetna topicin education andi a Pe dialguc om educations era? “Teaching and earning are cre tour individual nd cls sive rival and othe qty of ones The peo change aed in complexe, cof and con tht wil nn is or do unin wed nt elrge oe eps to each lsc At tes ine teach hing at comes popes se, anicaickenby the Jemands of ou dye eed scape er the probleme we canner sie and then cannot bea. “Teachers make an ety age for hey ae wich a common soci ad se powere cori back, We mehr fr be Aisle oearc soc ll that none knows how ore wena Atte ivan dog tee nln har mon cy be once yout national panacen machine; ae nthe poet we ‘renaliae, en pariah ey teachers who col bcp od oy. Tn ou uso reform edvcaton we have forgsen 2 simple tent verb che ening sett string acho, eveting crcl and revking ei we con Cie to denn ond dst the burn resource called ee teacher on wom so mech depends Teachers nut be bee come pensted, red from burencratcharatment, given le inc Clic overnane and provided withthe be ole methods nd materi, But none of that wil wansform education if we a Cherith—and challenges harman beara the ure of go teaching We now ngepe in cei pli cmneio shoe ional pf, bu scooreration oa a geod athe qesans so sn soom une a ue 2800 aEhIng that goes uunasked in our national dilogue-~and ofien goes unasked even in the places where teachers re educated and employed. But ieshould beasked wherever good teaching is a stake, fo it honors and ehal- lenges the acer hart and i nwiten a deeper inguiry shan ou to sonal quenions don * The question we most commonly as is the “what” ques- tion-—wvhat subjects shall we teach? + When the conversation goes abit deeper, we ask the “how’ ‘question whut methods and techniques are required to teach wel? * Occasionally, when it goes deeper stil, we ask the “why*” ‘question —for what purpose and to what ends do we teach? + SBucseldom,ifever, do we ask the “who” question-—who i the self that teaches? Mow does the quality of my selfhood Form—or deforn—the way Frelace to my students, ny sub- ject, my colleagues, my werld? How ean educational ast {tions sustain and deepen the selfhood from which good teaching comes? "hase no quarrel withthe wht or how or why questions —ex- ‘ceptwhen they ate posed asthe only questions worth asking, Allo them can yield important insights into teaching and lesrning. But ‘none of them opens op the teritry Twant ro explore inthis bok: the inner landacape ofthe teaching sl Toachare that landseape folly, dare important paths must be tsken—intelletual, emotional, and spiritual—and none ean beige nored Reduce teaching to imtelleet, and it becomes a old abiteae. tion; reduce ico emotions, and ie becomes narcissist; reduce Ito the spiritual nd it loses is anchor to the word, Intelet, emotion, 1nd spirit depend on one another for wholeness, They at interwo, ‘ven inthe human self and in education at its best, and Ihave tied vo interwcave them in thi book as wel By imeltectust T mean the way we think about teaching and lesrsing—the form and content of eur concepts of how people know and learn, ofthe nature of our students and our subject By emo. ‘ona! mean the way we and our students feel ab we teach ood eaen—tectings that can either enlarge or diminish the exchange be toween ws. By spiritual [mean the diverse ways we answer the hearts longing o be connected with the largenes of ia longing tha te mates love and work, especially the work called teaching. ‘Rainer Maria Rtke gives voice wo hat longing jn the pes wt the head of this introduction: “Ah, no tobe cutoff.” He suggests that the spiritual quest for connectedness, rightly understood, will lead ws out from the hidden hear into the vast and visible world “The inner—ovhaisi?/if not intensified sky,/hared though with birds and deep/with the winds of homecoming.” ‘With king imagery, Rilke offers usa mystic’ map of whole- ‘ness, where inner and outer reality low senmlesly into each other like the ever-merging surfaces of « Mabiusatip,enllesly co-creating ‘sand the world we inhabit. Though this book is grounded in the teacher's inner terrin, ic constantly segues into the ter forms of ‘community that teaching and learning require. The inveatd quest for communion becomes a quest for outward relationship: at ine ‘nour own souls, we hecome more athome with each othe. My concern forthe inne landscape of teaching may sce n= dlgent, even irtlevant, ata time when many teachers are struggling simply to survive. Wouldn't be mvore practical, am sometimes asked, to offer tips, tricks, and techniques for staying alive in the My focus onthe teacher may seem passé vo people who believe that education will never be reformed until we stop worsying about seaching ad focus un learning ites. have nn question that students who learn, nt profesore who perform, is what teaching is all about: students who learn ate the Finest fruit of teachers who teach. Nor dof doubs that students lesen in diverse and wondrous ways, including ways that bypass the teacher inthe classroom and ways that require neither alae roca teacher! But Iam also clear that in lecture halls seminar roams field sexing lab and even electronic clasrooms—the places where most people receive most af their Formal education—teachers posses the ower to create conditions that can help students learn a reat deal— for keep thein fen learaing much at all Teaching isthe intentional act of eeating those conditions and good teaching requires that we ‘understand the inner sources of both the intent and the act. Most of my teaching has been in clleges and programs for ‘older adults, but in secent years Thave been entiched by working, ith pubic schoolteachers, fom kindergarten theough the cwelfth rade. Thave learned much from my K-12 colleagues, including these tw things: teachers a all levels of eduction have mein come ‘non than we think, and we should not be 0 glib about which level ‘weeall “higher” Kindergarten teachers often understand the ef beter tha ‘those of us with Ph.D.'s, pechaps because students inthe “owe syadesareike the child in "The Emperors New Clothes” They do not care what gradoate school you attended, who haved your d sentation commie, or how many books you have witten, but they ‘Quickly sense whether you are cea and cheyeespond accorcingly ‘The discerning innocence of young childeen deepens my convictions that at cvery level of ection, the slthood ofthe teaches i key. “Who isthe self that teaches?” i the question at the heat of ‘his book —shough answering that question in print hos be challenging than Imagined. In writing and rewriting this book many times over the past five years, Ihave learned how esping it istostay with the “whats and "bows" and "whys" these questions ace more easly answered in prose and translated ints propos for fundable progeams! But I have persisted with the “who” question because it macks sa seldom-taken tail in the quest for educational reform, a trail to ‘ward the recovery ofthe inner rexources that good teaching always Fequires Real reform iso badly needed —and we have restructure ‘education so often without ceaching that distant dream-—that we should be sealing expeditionary parties down every trail we ca id have persisted foe another reason closer tothe bone: "Who i the self chat teaches? isthe question atthe heart of my nen voea~ tion I believe tis the mor fundamental question we can sk aboot teaching and those who teach—for the sake of learning and those ‘who lesen, By addresing it openly and honerly alone and voter, swe ean serve our students more faithfully, enhance our own well- being, make common cause with cllesgues, and help education ‘bing more ight and if othe world Chapter I The Heart of a Teacher Identity and Integrity in Teaching a have ben dslved ad shaken May Season, Now Recon Msae™ ‘TEACHING BEYOND TECHNIQUE [Not long before I started tis book, at summer took a slow turn to= ‘ward fll walked into a college claeroom and into my third decade of teaching went to class that day grateful for another chance to teach teaching engages my soul as much a any work 1 know. But |eame home that evening convinced once again that! will never master this baling vocation. Annoyed with some of my students and embar- rasied by my own blunders, pondered a recurcing question: Might ibe possible, at my age, to find anew line of work, maybe even something T know how todo? ‘The students in my fis section were silent a monks, Despite ‘my shameless pleading, I could not buy a response fiom them, and T soon found myself sinking into one of my oiest phobias: I must he ‘ery boring to anesthetize, 0 quickly these young people who only ‘moments earlier had been alive with hallway chatter Ta the second section they talked, but the atk fared int con ict as one student insted thatthe concerns of another sudene were “pesty" and did not deserve attention, I masked my inriation sia tung open Tien to diverse view, but the ai was already pollated, and the diahogue died, That ofcourse, sink me into another ancient ‘ngs how avshovard Iam at dealing wit eonlc when my students decide start talking! ‘have taught thousands of student sttended many seminars ‘on teaching, watched others teach, read about teaching, and reflected ‘on my own experience. My stockpile of methods is subsantia. But wen I walle intoa new clas, it eae iam starting over. My prob Jems are perennial, Familiar to ll eacher. Sil they take me by sur- vse an my responses ta themy—though outwaedly smoother with each yenr—fel alent as Fumbling a they did when fas novice After three decades of wying to learn my ceafi, every class ‘umes down to thiss my students and I face to face, engsed in an ancient andl exacting exchange called edueation. The techniques | have mastered donot disppea, but nether do they sfc, Pace to face with my students, only one resoute eat my immediate com- mand: my identity, my slthood, sy sense of thie" who teaches — withouc which I have no sense ofthe "Thou" who learas. ‘This book builds ona simple premise: good teaching cannot be ‘eed 0 rechnique; god teaching come: from the deny and integity of heteacher ‘The premine is simple, but its implication are ot. Kt wil tke ‘ime to unfold what I do and de nce mean by those words. But here sone way o pu its in every cas teach, my ably to connect with ny sdens, and tw connect therm with the subject, depends lesson the mets [wae than on the degree to which I know and ust my selon am willing to make ic available and wuloerable in the servie of leuening. My evidence for this claim comes in prt, from years of ashing student tell me about her god teachers. Listening to thor ores, it ecomes impossible clam tac ll goo teachers use similar tech niques: some leeture nonstop and others speak very itl some ay «lose to theie material and others loose the imagination; some teach with che aero and other with the sik, But in every story Ihave heard, good teachers share ane tata strong sense of personal identity infuses their work, "Dr, is tally ‘there when she aches," student els me, or" has such ents sia for his subject,” be "You can tll ha isis relly Peo. C's life” ‘One student I hear abou sid sh could not describe her good teachers because they difered so greatly one Fors another. Dt she ‘could describe her bad teachers because they were all the same "Their words lat somewhere in Font of tir fee lke the balloon speech inexroons” With one remarkable image she sid it all Bleachers die- tance themselves from the subject they ate texching-—and in the proces, rom their stodents, Good teachers jin self end subject and students inthe fabric of life. ‘Good teachers pasiess 2 capacity for connectedness. They are ableto weave a complex web of connections among themselves their subjects, and thei stodent so that students ca learn to weave & world for themselves. The methods used by these weavers vary widely: lectures, Socratic dialogues, laboratory experiments, collab. ‘orate problem solving, creative chaos. The connections made by ood teachers are held not in their methods but ia their hears— ‘meaning hearin its ancient sense, asthe place where intellect and tmotion and spirit nd will converge in the human sl. ‘As good teachers weave the fabri that joins them with st {dents and subjects, the heart isthe loom on which the thread are tied the tension is held he shuttle Bier, and the Fabre i rete tight. Small wonder, then hat reaching es atthe heart, opens the hear, even breaks the heart—and the more one loves teaching, the more heartbreaking it can be. The courage to teach ithe cotrage to keep one's heart open in thor very moments when the heart aed to hold more than is able that teacher and students and subject ‘an be woven into the fabric of community that leaening snd living, require teaching canner be reduced to technique its both good news and bad. The good news is that we no longer need suffer the bore dom many of us feel when teaching is approached as question of| “how to doi” We rarely talk with eachother about aching at any “depth—and why should we when we have nothing moe th “tps ticks, and techniques” to discuss? That kind of talk fails to touch the heart of teacher's experince ‘The good news gts even better. If teaching cannot be reduced to technique, I nolonger need ser the pain uf having my peculiar siftasa teacher crammed into the Proceustean bed of someone elie’ coe crn oy po OU ‘ut education tala a we glorify the method dow; leaving people who teach differently feeling devalued forcing them to measure up "wil neve forget one professor whe, moments before wast stare a workshop on teaching, unloaded years of pent-up workshop suimuscn we: “Tam an organic chemist Are you going to spend the next two days telling me that Tam supposed teach organic chem isc through role playing?” We must ind an approach te teaching, tha respects the diversiy of teachers and subjects, which methods logical elvtionism fis to do. ‘The pov news is very good, but the bod news is daunting. If entity nd integrity are more fundamental to good teaching than technique—and if we want to grow 3s teachers—we aust do some. ‘hing alien to academic cukure: we must tlk to each ether about our Jnnelves—rinky stfTin a profession that feas the personal and seth salty inthe technical, the distant, the absese, 1 wos reminded ofthat fear recently aU istened toa group of faculty argue about what to do when students share personal expe= ‘ences in elass-—enperienees that ate related tothe themes ofthe course but that some professors regard as “more suited to therapy session than toa college elassroon” ‘The house soon divided alony predictable lines On one side were the scholar insisting that che subjet is primary and must never becompromised for the sake ofthe stents lives. On the other side were he student-centeced folks insisting that the ies of students ‘nus alveays come fst even iit means thatthe subject ge short changed. The more vigorously these camps promoted tei polarized ies, the more antagonistic they became and the les they learaed shut pedagogy ve abou themalves. ‘The gap beewcea these views seins unbridgeable-—untl we understand what eeates it. At bottom, thee profesors were not Jes lating teaching techniques. They were revealing the diversity oF ‘enuy and integrity among themselves, sayings in various svaye, “Here ate my own limits and potentials when it comes to dealing ith the telation between the sujet and my students lives | we stopped lobbing pedagogieal points at each other nd stoke about who we are as teachers, a remarkable thing might Bap en identiy and integrity exighe grow within us and aang i stead of hardening as they do when we defend oue fixed prsituns From the losholer of the pesagogy wats ‘TEACHING AND TRUE SELF ‘The claim tha good teaching comes from the leiy a inter ‘of the teacher might sound like tiem, anda pious one ati [eed reaching comes rot good people. Burt by identity and itegety Ido not mean only our ne ea tures, or the good deeds we do, othe brave faces we West fo conceal ‘ur confusions and completes. Ment and integrity have a much ‘tl with our shadows nd limits, our wounds sl Fear, with nt strengths and potentials. By identity mean an evolving nexus where all he Forces thse constiruce my life converge in the mystery of sell) my genetic makeup, the nature of the man and woinan who geve me life, the culture in which I was raised, people who have sustained me atl people who have done me harm, the good and il {have lone to o> cis and to myself, che experience of love and sallering-—and mach, much more. I the midst ofthat comples field, entity is moving intersceion ofthe inner and outer forces that make me wh F amy converging in the reducible mystery of being husnao, By inzerty T mean whatever wholeness [arn able to ‘within thar nexus a es vectors form and e-form the patcera af ny Iie awry eeguirs that I cliseen whats integral tomy selon, ‘what fits and what does aot—and that I choose lfexiving ways of relating tothe Forces that converge within me: Dal welcome them (or fear them, embrace cher oF reject thems, move with theth or against them? By choosing integrity, Tbecome more whole, but wholeness does not mean perfection. fe means heconing more real by acknowledging the whole of who Lam, dentity and integrity are not the gr heroes are hewn. They are subtle dimensions ofthe eon ‘manding, and lftong proces of self-discovery. dentiy isin the ia- ‘ecscton ofthe diverse forces that make up my life, dignity ies Jn relating to those forces in ways that bring me wholeness an life rather thaa feagmentation aad death, te From which fictional they always come out coo pat. Kdentty and integrity can never be filly named ur known by anyone, ineluding the person who bears then, They constitute that familar strangeness ve take with us to the grave, elusive realities that can be cught only orcasionally out of the earner ofthe eye Stories are the best way o porteay realities ofthis sort, so here isa ale of ewo teachers a ae based on people have known, whose lives ell me more about che subsleies of entity and integrity than ny theory cou Alan and Erie were born into two diferent fais of skilled «raftspeopl, rural fas with ile formal sehooing but gifted inthe ‘manual acts. Bh bors evinced chi gift rom elildhood onwaed, and sw cach grew in the sil of working with his hands, ach developed sens of selFin which the pride of erat was Key. ‘The wo shred another gas well: both excelled in schoo and became te ist in their working-clas families ogo to cellege, Bath dd well ar wucergradates, both were admited to graduate school, both enced dactarates, and bath chose academic creer ut here ther paths diverged. Though the gift of erat war en= ‘eal in bods men's sens ofl, Alan wat able to weave that gif ito his scale weation, where the frie of Eric life nraveled ee on, ‘Catapolted from his rural community int an et private col- Jegeat age eighteen, Eric suffered eultute shock and never overcame it He was insecure with fellow students and, later, with academic calleagues who came Grom backggouuds he saw 3s more "euleored”™ ian is own. He learaed to speak and act like an intellectual, but he always ele fravdulent among people who were, in hie eyes, 10 the anor horn ‘ut insecurity neither altered Erie's course nor deew him ino selfclecton. Intsd, he bullied his way ate professional life on the ‘theory thatthe best defense ie good offense. Fle made pronounce- ‘ments eather than probes. He listened for weaknestes rather than srengtsin what other people said He argued with anyone about anything-—and responded with veiled contempt to whatever was ‘si in return. Inthe classroom, Fee was eral and judgmental quick to pu down the “stupid question,” adept at trapping student with (ick questions of his own, then merciless ia mecking wrung answers. He seemed driven by a need to inflict his stent the sane went that academic life had inflicted on himn—the wound of being Darrased by some essential patt of one's all But when Eri went home to his workbench an lst himself in raf he found himself as well. He became warm and welcomin at home in the world and glad to extend hospitality to vthers Re connected with his rts, centered in bis tre self, he was se 10 reclaim quiet and confident core—shich he quickly low 3 som a he reuened 1 camp. ‘Alaa’ Uiffeent story. His leap Fom county ew camps id notinduce culture shock, in par because he attended a late grant university where many students had backgroud mic ke his own. He was not driven to hide his git but was abe co hone a transform itby tuning it towed things academic: he brought o hie sud, and later to his teaching and reseaeh, the sae senae of crit ‘that his ancestors brought to ther work with metal and wood Watching Alan tach, ou flethat you were warching a rai man at work and if you knew his history, you underston hat this feeling was more than metaphor. In his lectures, every move Alin made was informed by atteation to detail and respect for the mate I at hand; he connected ideas with the precision uf dovetail on ‘ery and finshed the ob witha polished summary. Bur the power of Als teaching went wll beyond crated per formance. His stdents knew that Alan wold extend hime with reat generosity eo any of them who wanted to become a appre ‘cei his eld, use a the elders im his owe Family hal extend themzcves to help young Alan grow in his original ea Alan aught ftom an undivided seif—an ieteyel sate of being ‘ental to ood teaching and 3 concept central to this book. Ta the ws divided self, every major theead of on’ ie experiente i hurd, ce- ating a weave of such eaherence and strength that itcan hol stents ‘and subjects wells al. Such self insearly integrate, is able ro make the outward connections on which good teaching depen, But Eric failed to weave the central strand of his identity ito his academic vocation. His was self divided, engaged ina civil wae ‘He projected thinner watfare onto the outce world and his tea ing devolved ince combat instead af erat. The divided set wil lays 5 “stance sett from others and may even ty to destroy them, to de- Fead its faye inti, ric had not been alienated a an ndergraduate—ot if his alienation hd led ro elf-efletion instead of self defense—itis pose sible that he lke Alan, could have found integtity in his academic ‘vocation, could have wovea the major strands of his Went into his ‘work, But part of the mystery of selfhood ithe fac that onesie Jos oc fit al: what is integral to one person lacks integrity for another, ‘Throughout his life chere were persistent clues that acidemia was rot iegiving choice for Eri, nota contest in which his teu self ‘oul emerge healthy and whole, nota vocation integral to his ‘igus nature, The sls not infinielyelastie—it has potential and it as Him fit Hae work we docks icepity for then we the work, and the people we doit with will suffer. Alans elf was enlarged by hit aca ‘emi voation, and the work he did was joy to bebolé, Exc self 2 diminished by his encounter with academia, and chocsing a if Fecent vocation mughe ave been hi only ways recover integrity es ni called his life “experiment with truth,” and experi menting inthe complex Bel of forces that bear on ox ives i how wwe learn more about our integrity.” We leaen experimentally that we Live on some connectionsand wither with others, that we enhance ‘ous integrity by choosing relationships that give us life ad violate assent vo those that do aot. Experimentation inky. We nrely know in advance wht wil sive ustifeand whae will sap ie a6ay, Buti we want to deepen oor tniersaning of our own inegrity experiment we stand then bowling co make choices a5 we view the experimental results. "Al eal living is meeting” suid Martin Buber, and teaching, isenless meeting’ Staying open to new meetings, tying to ditine ish those tha have icegrity from those that do no, i tring and sometimes frightening task. aun often tempted to protect my sense of self beh barricades of status or role, to withhold myself ‘com colleagues or students or ideas and frm the cllsions we wil surely have ‘Wren I succuin otha temptation, my identity and imegrty ae diminished —and U ose the heat 10 tench, ‘Wrten TEACHERS Lost HEARt ‘Many of us became teachers for reasons ofthe heart sinned by a fasson for some subject and for helping people lara. But any of tus Tose heareas the year of teaching goby. How ean we take heart in teaching once more so that we eat 38 good teachers always do, give hear tour students? ‘We lose hear, in part becaute reschis vulnerability I need nt revel personal secrets to fel naked! in frm ofa clas. need only parse a sentence o work 2 prof on the bose hile my suadens doze off or pats notes No matter uw technical iy subjece may be, the things T teach are things I care abouts ‘what Lear about helps define my slDhood Unlike many professions, teaching is always done atthe dan serous intersection of personal and public ie A goa therapist must ‘work ina personal way, but never publi: the therapist who reveals as muchas a client's narme ie derelict. good trial lawyer must work ina public forum but remain unswayed by personal opinion: the lawyer who allows private felings about a client's guilt ta weaken the clients defenses guilty of malpractice. ‘Buta good teacher must stand where personal nl public mee, eal with the thundering flow of raffc a an intersection where “weaving web of connectedness” fels moe ike crossing a feeway con fot. As we ty to connect ourselves and our subjects with ours dents, we make ourselves, as well as ove subjects, vulnerable toi Aiference, judgment, ridicule “To reduce our vulnerability, we daconnees From stuns rom subjects, and even from ourselves. We build wall between inner truth and outer performance, and we pla-aet the teacher part. Our words, spoken at remove from our hearts, become “the balloon speech i eatoons" and we becone caricatures of ourselves. Wed tance ourselves from students and subject to minimize the danger forgectng that distance makes life mare dangerous sil by ioloting thet This “self protective" spit of personhood from: practice is ‘encouraged by an academic culeure that distrusts personal truth, “Thovgh the academy aims to value multiple made of knowing, ‘honors only nne—an “objective” way af knowing that takes ws into the “eal” word by taking us "ust of ourselves” To thinculture objective facture regarded ss pure, while sub- jective feclings are sospect and sulle. le thi calkure, the selfs not source te tapped but a danger w be suppressed, nota potential to ‘fli bu an obstacle wo be overcome, In this culate, the pathol ‘ogy of speech caconnected from selfs egatded, and rewarded, a8 my sketch ofthe academic bias against selfhood seein over done, here 2 story from a class that | taught ata large university some years 3g Tassigued my seudonts series of bref analytical essays involy- inghemes inthe rats we were going to be reading Then I ssigned a pale series of autbiogeaphical sketches, lated o thos thetnes rothit my students could se connections Between the textbook com ceptsand their own ives. Alier the first ass, a stent caine up tome and inquired, “In those autnbiographieal essays you atked ust wit, it OK to use the wond 1?" aid ot ther to laugh or ery—but I knew that my response woul have considerable impact on a young man who had jst opened himself 0 vidicule. toll him that at only could be use the word "h” but} hoped he would use it freely and often. Then 1 asked what had ld wo his question. Tova histary major,” he sid, “and each per they knock wha rade ‘The academic bias against subjectivity ot only frees our stu- dents to write pry Cle beicved =," instead of “I Believe». ") lbutalsodeforas ther thinking about shemzeves ad thee world. In a single stroke, we delude ous students ito thinking that ba prose ‘an turn opinions int facts and we alienate them from their own | inne ives aculy often compa tha students have n regan for he gifts oF insyht nd neerstanding that ze the trae payofl of education— {hey care only ahour short-term autcomes in the el” world: "Wil ‘thse pet nea jo?” “Hla will dhs asignment be sein ite” But those are not the questions deep in our students heart, “They are merely the questions they have been tage to ak, not aly by tution-paying parents who wont their children is he empyale btalsoby an academic euleare that distrust an devalues ner e- ality. Ofcourse our students are nica about the inner outcomes of ‘education: we each them that the subjective self is wnvalued sad {even unreal Their eyicism simply proves that when aeslemic el tore dsmisesinneeteath and honors only the external worl st dents 35 well as teachers love heat low can we who teach reclaim our heat forthe sake of our students, ourselves, and educational reform? That simple question challenges the assumprion that drives most reforss—that meaning fal change comes not from the human heart but fom fats external ro ourselves, fom buclges, methodologies, curricula, a instit- ‘onal estucturiag. Deeper ail ichllenges the ssumprions about realty and power that drive Western culture ‘The foundation of any cultuee lies in the way it answers the ‘question “Where do reality and power reside?” For some eultures the answer is the gods: for sme iis acute for some itis tain, Inoue cultue, he answer isclea: reality and power reside inthe ex- ternal world of objects ani events and in the sciences that sty that ‘word, wile the inner realm of the heart ie a romantic Faas, a cape from harsh realities, perhaps, but surely noc a source of lever age over the “real” word. ‘We are obsesed with manipulating external beeause we he lieve that they wil give ur sme povter over reality and win us sme freedom from its constaits, Mesmerized by a technology that seems tohave done just that, we dismiss the inward workl, We wen every question we face into an objective proilem tobe solvedl—and we be lieve that for every objective problem chere is sme sot of technical fix. Thats why we eain doctorsto repair the body bur not to honor ‘the sii clergy tobe CEOs but not spiritual guides ter techniques but aa engage thee students souls Yet at this point in history it should be elene that extern "te ‘will ot come son enough to sustain the deepest psions of perple ‘who care about caching: Institutions eeform slowly, and 2 longs ‘ve wait, depending on “them” to do the job for us-—forgetting hae res or nesta pape REE sow sli into cynicism dae characterizes wo many teaching earers. ‘There isa alternative to waiting: we ean relaim our belie ia the power of invardnes to transform our work and ue lives. We bocame teachers because we ance believe that ideas and insight ate at east as real and powerful sche word that surrounds us Now we ‘must ein ourselves that inner reality can give us leverage inthe ‘cal f objects and events We wil ind such » reminder io the testimony of Wiclav Flael, poet and man of practical affair lead inthe Velvet Revolution tha berated Czechoslovakia from Soviet cule, twas a revelu- "ion that succeded in the face of obstacles considerably more davnt- Jing thon those sacked against edocational form. Havel, aw president ofthe Czech Republi, writes about spending yeats “under a rock” of institutional eppresion that was slroppel onthe Czech people in the Communis cop of 1968, Then he speaks of the inward aed of human consciousness and how it ew into lower of zform that cracked and erumbled the granite of tatiana mere twenty yeas later “The... experience Vm talking aboot has given me one certainty... the salvation ofthis human wld les nowhere else dan inthe human hear, in the hu smn power to reflect, in human meekness and in human tesponsi- bility. Without a global revolution in... human consciousness, thing will change for the beer an the catastrophe toward which this word is headed ll be unavoidable" Hel helped the Czee people reclaim ther hearts by teind- them who they. and all aus, ste not vite of external forces tbat yersns psssed of an dane power that cannot be taken frm us, though ween and do give aeay Remembering ourtelves and our power cn lead to revolution, butic requires more than recalling a fee Facts. Remembering ineoves putting ourselves hack together, recovering identity and integrity fe= aiming she wholeness of lives, When we forget who we are we ‘donut merely drop some data. Wedli-miember ourselves, with une happy conseyenees For ove putes, our work, our heart, ‘Academics often suffer the pin of dismemberment, On the surface, hiss the pain of people wo thought they were joining & comunity of scholars but find themselves in distant, competitive, a «and uncaring relationships with colleagues and stents, Deeper down, this pain i more spiritual hin social i comes (eon ‘being disconnected from our own tuth from the posions tha took us int teaching from the hea tha is the source of al goad work we have los the heart tec, bow can se take est apn? “How can we fe-membee who we are rout vin se al the ke ofthose we serve? Menrors Wxo Evoxen Us [density an integrity ae found st the intersection of the Frees tha converge in ou ives, revisiting some of the canvergences that ell ‘ustowad teaching may allow uso reclaim the sell fran whi good teaching comes. In this section and the next, {wnt to reflect fon two such encounters—with the mentors who evoked i with ‘the subjecs of study that chose us. ‘The power of our mentorsis nor necessaily in the mils speed teaching they gave us, models chat may tara ou to have litle todo with who we ateas teacher. Thei power isin to awoken a truth within usa truth we ean reclaim yes: liter hy = ‘calling their impact on our fives. If we discovered a teachers hear in ‘ourselves by meeting a great teacher,resling tha meeting ny help ‘ertake hear in teaching once more. Tnfaculty workshops, often ask people to nteaduce themselves by talking about a teacher who made difference in thei ives. As there stories are told, we are reminded af many facts about joo! teaching: that itcomes in many foems thatthe inprine of goa ech xs emainslongafter the fat they gave us have fided, and thatitis important to thank our mentors no matter how belcely—parly be- ‘ause we owe them graitade and partly 3-4 cosine outer to the apparent ingratitude of our oven students! ‘Then {ask the question that opens tothe deeper purpose of tis ‘exercise: not "What made your mentor great?” but "What was it shout you that allowee grea mentoring to happen?” Mentoring mutuality that requires more than meeting the right teacher the teacher must meet the right stent In this encounter, no only are the qualities ofthe mentor revealed, but the qualities of the talent aredraven out ina way that in equally revealing incapacity (One of my most memorable mentor was a man who seemed ‘o break every rule” of good teaching, He lectured a uch length, an with seh enthusiasm, that helefe ite coor for questions and comments, Pronecupiel withthe woed of tough, he iene poorly twatudents, not Because he disdained them but because he was 50 ‘ager to teacs chem by the only way he knew—shatiog his knowl ‘ge and passioas. His castes were monly monologues ad hits slots rarely payed any role or than audience, ‘He nay sound like a pedagogical nightmare, but fr reasons Teould not articulate at the tate, I wae powerfully drawn eo bis teaching —indeed, he esange my life, Only years later did T under stand my atraction and in that understanding are some elves to my identity. {was the frst in any Family to attend eee My Family ved cation, butt offered no exemplars ofthe otellectal ie that has ‘wurned ut tobe my birthright gif kept that gift ele inthe box iccamein all dhe way through high schoo, graduating somewhere below the median of ny cas, wth a major in extracurricular atv ites, Not unt the secon srestr of cllege dif open the bon get ‘excited about what was in it, and start doing well st schoolwork, ‘ing vata grote school snd into an academic career, ‘My loquacious profesor in allege gave mea fst glimpse into this part of myself My excitement in Hstening a hin lay les in what he sid—though bis ideas were exbileating—than in discovering a dormant dimension of my identity. Redd aot mater to me that he ‘iolated most rules of good geoup process an! even some rules of considerate personal telations. What mattered was that he generously ‘opened the life of hi mind to mie, giving fll voice tothe gift of thought. Something is me knew that this gift was mine a8 well, thong it was yeas before coal flly rus that kaowledge Long into my career T harbored secret eee tha thinking nd cading and writing, as mud a owed them, did ot qualify “eal work.” Haught snd wrote but “justied” myeelhy working as an «alministatr for various institutions and projecte—work tha was practical and cus word, ike that done by honored members of my fail, Only in my mis-oeties was Fall blero clan the ie of the mind asthe mainstay of ey vocation, co tase the ealling of my soul, 2 true thae deepened when T was able to decode this carly cxperience of being mentored. ‘Are recill ur mentor notall four sl-issghts re a happy asthe one [have jst drawn. We sometimes take the wrong lessnas from te mentces who deaw us shen we are young ud impressionable Ttnessed sucha ease a a faculty works fel fee yents ago. My oneampos host had taken paine ro warn me about Profes: sor X, 2 curmudgeonly and unpopular teacher shough brat in his Scholarly field. OF the forty people inthe workshop, my hast si, Profesor X had probably signed wp not to learn about teaing but todebuik what we were doing, Tn trepidation, I began the workshop with something soft” {iting people to incroduce themselves by talking abet their met tors By the time we got to Profesor X, tor eight peopl had pe ‘ken, many with insight nd fesing, nda spit of openness fled the oom, [tensed 3 he began speak, fearing that this pit was about tobe killed. But it soon became clea that he, too, had heen touche by the quality ofthe exchange He told the story of hit mentor with the hesitancy that comes. from speaking of sacred things andas he talked about how hard hea rid to made his own eater afer his mentor'—he surprised ‘oh and surely himself by choking up “Later in private conversation wich himy leaened the eso for his emotions. For ewenty year, Profesor X had tried! to imitate his mentors way of taching and being, and ithad been a disaster, He fd his mentor were very differen people, and X's attempt lone bis mentor’ syle had distorted his own identity and integrity. He had lore himselF in am identity aot his own—a pain insight shat took courage toembrace, but one with the promise of grovel, Profesor Xs story gave me some insight ito myself,an exam le ofthe mutual lyminaton that ofen ocaurs when we are willing twexplore our inner dynamics with eachother. Esly ia my cree to, had tried to emulate my mentor with nonstop lecturing, until realized that my students were even les enthralled by my cheap i= tation than some of my classmates had ben bythe genuine original Taegan to Took fora eay to teach that was more integral to my own nature, away that would have as miveh integeiy For me 36 sy mann 9 ne h—a0E ANE REY TOMY MenHOe POET WAS the ‘coherence berween his method and himsel, [began the lng process cof tying wo understand my own nature asa teacher and tolenn the techniques that mighe help it along. ‘Though {nee sometimes to lecture and may even enjoy doing ft leetusing ll che vie snaply bores me: Tuslly know what am s0ing wo sy and {have heae stall before. But dslogical methods of teaching help keep me alive. Forced t listen, respond, and impee= vise am mor likey hear something unexpected and isightfel from myset a6 well as others, “That doesnot mean that eearng ie the wrong way teach, I simply means that my deat, unlike my snentor' is moe fallled indlalogue. When 1 was young ad did nor know who Cas. I needed someone ra model the intellects gif tht might be mine. But now, in midi, owing myself beter, my klemity demands that I use ry pin interaction and interdependence with others. Here; I believe, ithe proper and powerful role af technique: at ss fern mere obout who we are, eco len techies tht reveal ithe ‘than eoncel the personhood from which good tacking comes, We no longer nee to use technique to mask the subjective ells the clare ‘of profesionasin encourages us todo. Now we ean us technique to ‘manifest more fully the gif of self fom which our bes teching comes, ‘The sel-hnovledge shat comes from these reflections icra ‘mn teaching, frit revealsa complexity within me hati within my srueors a well Je ny eae the “I” who caches is both itimidated boyand anracted wo the life ofthe mind for along time it was bedey- ie by 9 sense shat the intellectual wore fl called todo was none theless fama. This." despite it intrigue with ideas, was once 30 ‘unsure ofits tht i weleomed mento whote performance bated pticipacn.But today, tis same "” nds own performance bot ingand neds to be nuttured in dialogue ‘When I Forget my own inner mlkpity and my on fong ane ‘contin journey toward selfhood, my expectations of students he- fone excensive and unreal, II ean remember the inner pluralism of my own soul and the slow pace of my own sel-emergence | will be boner able t serve the pluralism among my students a the pace oF thcir young ves. y remembering our mentors, we remember our- selves—anil by remembering ourselves, we remember our stodent. “Looking back, realize hat Iwas blest with mentursat every ‘crucial stage of my young life, at every point where my identity ‘ceded to grow: in adolescence, in ellege, in graduate schol and carly in my professional career. Buta funny thing happened on the ‘way to fall adulthood: the mentors stopped coming, For several years waited for the next ane ia ain, an for several yon ‘growth was on hol ‘Then I realized whar was happening. I was nolonger an p= prentce, 501 ao longee needed mentors. esas my tun sn become ‘mentor to someone else. needed to tuen around and lak forthe ev life emerging behind me, co offer to younger pple the gif that tha been given to me when I was young. As I eld ny identity and integrity had new chances ro evolve in each new encounter with my sudent lve, Mentors and appreatices ate partners in am ancient hua dance, and one of teaching’ great rewards is the daly chance it gives ‘esto get back on the dance foo. eis the dance ofthe sizaling gen- cation, in which the ald empower the young, with their experience and the young empower the old with new lif, reweaving the Fabric ofthe human community as hey touch ad ue vown Sunjects Tuar Cuose Us Many of us were called to teach by encountering not only a mentor but also s pactcular field of study. We were draw wos body of knowledge because it shed light on our identity a8 wel as onthe ‘world. We did not merely find a subject to tach=—the subject also found us. We may recover the heart t teach by remembering how thar subject evoked a sete of elf that was only dormant in us before ‘we encountered the subjects way of amin sad framing ie Alice Kaplan is teacher of French language at literature, and she has done this kind of ermembering ina buck called French Lesons, "Why do people want co adopt another cular” dhe asks as she summarizes her joueney into teaching and ive life, "Because there's something in their owe they don't ike, that docsw’t name them.” French culture gave Kaplan way of claiming an ilenity and integrity she could nt find in the culeavero which she was orn Recalling a course she taught in which 2 bigoted young man learn to appreciate the stranger through encountering ance peo- Me in another language, Kaplan reflects: “Moments ike thie make me think shat peaking forign language is... chance for geowth, for Freed, foe liberation from the ugliness af our eeceived ideas ‘an inentalicer But Kaplan also understands the shadow side of borrowed ilemity: "Learning French did ae some harm by giving me a place ‘white. lite yor to messy, could take of into my second word.” Pr, she sys, “weting abour it has made me air my soapicions, my anger, my longings to people fae whom is come a¢ total surprise.” ‘The self-knowledge she gained by asking why she war attracted to her fl helped her reconnect, wrestle wit, and even gedeetn trou bing evens an elationships in he lif, renewing her teacher's hea Reading Kaplaa’s elections richer by arin shadow and light than ny beet review suggests), was encoutaged to make my on, [My undergraduate majors were philosophy and sociology, and enany ofthe details Tonce knew about thove Fels have long since leached vay, But Ill really thityfive years later, dhe moment F discov= cred C, Wright Mis idea of the “sociological imagination." Twas rnotmerely akoa with iI war postested by i “The essence uf hie ides simple, butt wos lel to mese an- note whats "out there” merely by looking around. Everything de- pendson te lenses through which Wwe view the word. By puting on new lenses, wecan se things that would otherwise remain invixibe Mills aught me how to view the world through the lenses of soci theory. nd when [took my firs ook, the world jumped oot stmeasif had donned the 3-D movie gles that Hollywood was hasrhing at he time. [saw the invisible structars and secret signals that shape our soil lives, that hate power over us that I thought reside only in fce-tface reatonships. Twas astonished 2 this new ‘sion of lie in which people walked about, nt freely, 8 Ud imag ‘nd, ht conteolled by strings attache to thee minds and hestts by invisible puppeters ‘Why was Iso deeply drawn tothe ides of the scilogiea image ination? Why dd ic become such a delining Featare of my world. ‘view? By reflecting on those questions, Ihave re-membered some key featutes of who Lai, Intellectuals the idea ofthe sociological imagination sper sme because at age eighten I had begun to understand that what you see is nar necesavily what you get 1 wasa child ofthe 1950s with ts any socal tions, it took tie for me to wee that the visible per formance of individuals and groupe was only the “on-stage” sspce of things, hat realty has "backstage" dynamic fe more influential ‘than the performance we se up fron. But my attraction to Mills concept was more than inllectual— ithelped me come terms with same of my deepest portonal fear. ‘Aca young perso, {found the on-stage word both sucive aia \imidating Teas an arena of visibility wheee I wanted to perform and become known, but als an arena where my competence wonkl he texted and surely found wanting, As Tcame to understand the back- stage celts revealed by the sociological imagination, twas able wo shake off some of my performance fears By looking backstage and seeing how human, how ky, howe ‘ordinary the mechanics of performance really are—how wale the ilitand glamour of on-stage performance itself—I could ask my sel" they can doi, why not me?" This backstage knowledge gave sme the comnforc of knowing that ll heroes have fet of cay had the calming effect ofthe counsel given wo nervous public speakers, “Ingine your audience naked. ‘Buc my attraction othe sociologeal imagination went deeper sillbeyond intellectual interest, beyond performance Fears t0 gop in my own sou. Mills dstinetin betweca the on-staye show and backstage reality mirrored a great divide in my inner life, Out ‘wardly, {had learned how to male my performance scem relatively smooth and accomplished, but inwardly, fet anxious an funbling and inept “The constant contradiction between how I experienced mysell and how other people viewed me created «painful, sometimes crip pling sete of feaudulence, Bu the sociological imagination and ts ew of societal duplicity helped me understand how common

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