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Bbrosn 05
Bbrosn 05
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the
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-=/*> Buzzz Bros. <*/=proudly present
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{
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the
Adventures
of:
SpAcEd-OuT Spliff
}
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Introduction
As long as there has been social progress, there has been a conservative
trying to undo it. In the first century A.D., the Roman Emperor Maximus
Tyrannus was known for his efforts to restore traditional values. He
reinstituted cannibalism, wife beating, and the crucifixion of disobedient
children.
In the twentieth century, the conservative ideal of a strong military,
respect for authority and old fashioned morality was achieved in Nazi Germany.
This tradition has been continued in the United States by the Republican Party.
The Reagan administration has facilitated the rape of America by business, the
military, and moral zealots, and then persuaded the American public that rape
is actually a good thing.
The conservative brain consists of:
conformity
intolerance
sexual repression
dishonesty
nostalgia
racism
paranoia
greed
Infancy
At this stage, the conservative is too young to help lynch blacks, burn
synagoges, or dump toxic waste into American rivers and lakes. However, the
toddlers soon begin mimicking their elders by giving their playmates plastic
bags to wear on their heads and taking the asphyxia
ted child's toys.
Adolescence
The adolescent conservative takes oe step further toward its responsibility of
harassing and maiming undesirables by experimenting on small animals or weaker
children. It is during this phase that he conservative experiences its brief
period of sexual activity, usually wih the same animals and children.
Old Age
Respected for their senility, elder members of the species are entrusted with
advancing the intellectual climate of the species. This is done by reaching out
to like-minded groups in South Africa, the German Nazi Party, and remote
villages in Eastern Europe that still practice feudalism, trial by torture, and
lopping off women's feet to keep them in their homes.
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WE NOW RETURN TO OUR FEATURE FILE...ALREADY IN PROGRESS
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...throwing a Microwave-safe bowl full of Spaghettios into the microwave
(because saving the world makes a dude get the munchies), our hero sits and
ponders the days events.
"Jeesh," says Spliff, "Mutant fascist pigs, gay narks from the north side,
and bogus shrooms! I think I'll just stick to alternate reality."
SpAcEd-OuT-Spliff
(c) MCMXC -=/*> Buzzz Bros. <*\=______________________