be

1TPO

Weak:Thetreesarebare.Thegrassisbrown.Thelandscapeseemsdrab.Revision:The
browngrassandbaretreesformadrablandscape.()

Or:Thelandscape,bareandbrown,beggedforspringgreen.(
)

1)Weak:Theteammembersaregoodplayers.

Revision:Theteammembersplaywell.

2)Weak:Oneworker'splanistheeliminationoftardiness.

Revision:Oneworker'splaneliminatestardiness.

3heretherebe

1)Weak:Thereisnoopportunityforpromotion.

Revision:Noopportunityforpromotionexists.

2)Weak:Herearethebooksyouordered.

Revision:Thebooksyouorderedhavearrived.

1Poor:Mysupervisorwentpastmydesk.

Better:Mysupervisorsauntered(=walkedslowly)pastmydesk.

2Poor:Sheisacarefulshopper.

Better:Shecomparespricesandquality.

1Weak:Theorganizationhasbeensupportedbycharity.

Better:Charityhassupportedtheorganization.

2Weak:Thebiscuitswerestackedonaplate.

Better:Motherstackedthebiscuitsonaplate.

1Wordy:Mylittlesisterhasapreferenceforchocolatemilk.

Improved:Mylittlesisterpreferschocolatemilk.

2Wordy:Weareinreceiptofyourletterandintendtofollowyourrecommendations.

Improved:Wehavereceivedyourletterandintendedtofollowyourrecommendation.

3Redundant:Wehadaseriouscrisisatschoolyesterdaywhenourchemistry
laboratorycaughtfire.

Improved:Wehadacrisisatschoolyesterdaywhenourchemistrylaboratorycaught
fire.

4Redundant:MysisterandIboughtthesame,identicaldressindifferentstores.

Improved:MysisterandIboughtthesamedressindifferentstores.

1Weak:Theywillnotagreetohisproposalsinanyshapeorform.

Improved:Theywillnotagreetoanyofhisproposals.

2Weak:IneedherfinancialinputbeforeIcanguesstimateourexpendituresnextfall.

Improved:IneedherfinancialfiguresbeforeIcanestimateourexpendituresnextfall

TPO -



TPO QQ 1183177438

TPO QQ 2315846079