— Itvas Bitsy who chought up the iden of an Arnal Pasty That ‘was what she called it right of, that Bed ad to ask “A what, ow? Come spin? "A party to commemorate the date the gis arrived” she tld ‘im, “Ta wo weeks i wil bea year; can you belive i? Saturday, Angst teenth, We ought to mark the cceasin.” Would yoube up tot with your mother?” ity’ mother had sulfored a setback—a whole new tumor, this ‘sme ivolving her lver. They had a hgrd coupe of months. But Buy suid, “It would do me god. 1 would do sal god! Get our ‘mind off ou roubles. And we'd eonfine ito thet famies; no onreltves. Mak it kindof he bitday pay A date event, right after the gil’ naps when theye a their best and wouldn't serve afall mea, only dessert” “Maybe a Korean dessert!” Brad sd “Ob. Well” “Would that be neat °T checked Korean essers on the Internet.” Bly tld him “Spinach cookies, Fed hatin ree." ‘Brad started looking wore ‘She said, “Twas thinking maybe a sheet cake frosted ike en Ameresn ag.” Thar great deal” “With candles? Or one candle, fr one year. But absolutly no presents; remind me o tel the Yzdans that. They're alway bing tng presents, And we might ing some sort of song together. There ‘must be a suitable song about wating fr someone’ arrival” “There Shel Bo Coming Round the Mounts.” Brad ad. “Well... andthe gis can wear Korean outfits Shall weoffero lend Susan a sagusam? You en be sre she does ewn one” “That would be good” We could hive a ceremony, sort of. The girls would be in sncer room: we'd light dhe eake and stat singing: they would ‘walk through the door nd in hand. jut Hke arin all over gun. Dow you think?” “And, hey!” Brad sald. “We could show the video!” “Perfect The video,” Bitsy sid er brother Mac had taken all he diferent lor ides tobe ‘edited into single tape, Since then the taped ston self there never seemed tbe tie to watch even the news, amore — but hi was thelr chance to view it. “Maybe at the end ofthe ary, ‘wind things vp” Bitsy sid “Ts this to okey, maybe?” “Notabit” “You sure, now You would tll meifit was” “You coulda be hokey fyou tried” Brad ud “The nce thing wa, he meant i. She knew that Head thie ‘notion tit she could do no wrong, It was “Bitsy says this” and ‘Bit sys tha” and "Let ak By, hal we?” She took his face ‘between her hands and leaned forward to give im aksbicaina ro AMERICA 4 ‘Bitsy never ied for this to get around, but Brad was nt er fist Ihusband, Her fst husband had been Stephen Bartholomew, the ‘only son of her parents’ oldest fonds Bitsy parents and Stephen's parents had double-dted all the way through Swarthmore and kept devoted in touch ever sine, eventhough the Bartholomews lied clear aro the country in Portland, Oregon, Bib had seen Stephen precisely twice in hr Me—both times when ae was too young to remember-—before they entered Swarthmore them selves; but the idea was, they were bound to be instant sulmaes, The fist etter her mother woot her the frst week it’s eb ‘man year, began with “Have you met Stephen yet” And no doubt Stephens mother was asking him the same thing, Ofcourse they did mect, by and by, and to ack sorprise they prompely fl in ove. He was an ctherealybeautifl bo with rr, calm face and ser gray ees. She was plainer ut a born leader, the campus str, outspoken and impassioned. They went ‘through four year of college as an established, recognized couple, although they ha such diferent intrest chemistry for him end English for her, not mestin her various polite setts) at tat strug to find the time tobe together Christmas oftheir senior year they became engaged, and they mari the nest June, the day afer graduation. and moved to Baltimore, where Stephen Inada fellowship t Hopkins and Bitsy went to work om her educa- tion credits at College Park ‘Then she met Brad. (Or no fist she started noticing Stephen’ ars Actually, which ddd come fst? Now sho coulda sy, But she remembered sedi ng one day that Stephen'é moet consistent ection was disap proval. Oh, that mar face of i was more signlleant han shed guessed! This was a man who could gt all worked up about the ‘Paso “to simplistic” for Lords sake; a man who refused to be ‘moved by «haunting rendition of"| Wonder As I Wander" becste he was offended by the angrammatical cousin of ‘people [ike you and lke L” I moan, where wi ital end?” was hi favorite ‘question, and more and more he soemed to ask it about Bitsy bereelf—ber tendency to procrastinate, her offhand howsekeep- fing methods, her increasingly Inckadasl attitude toward her studies. He saw the ret of the world a «siding heap of ever sinking standards, and it made him frown and gett made him leur his throat in neg, portentous manner that drove her to Astron. Wel, certainly person could have worse als than that. twas notenough to justify divorcing him. But the fact was, they had mar- ried without mach more than.sn scquaimanceehp beforehand. She saw that belatedly. They hid been smiten withthe mene den ‘of each other—two ebedientcildren tying too hard to please ‘heir parents—and had spent four years keeping to oppose sides ‘ofthe campus just 50 they woulda’ ave to find out how very ill sulted they were. (Was ther marge almost aranged, real? ‘Was it so ciflerent fron Maryam Yandans? Maryam might have ‘eos happier, oven Bitsy would have ved to ask bout tat) ‘So anyway, along came genil contentod, easygoing Brad with ‘is fay ait ad his loopy sea is abot uth hat she ‘was the most wonderful person nthe worl They met at campus rly for John Anderson: Bitsy was very gung-ho for Anderson but Bra thought he might stick with Carter. He just wasnt sure. She reasoned with him, and went ou for cofee with him stro reson some more. He hung on her every word: They invented further excuses to meet. (Would voting Independent mean towing is vote in the garbage? Hmm? What was hor honest opinion?) She bd never known anybody so trustful. Even what others mightacne To aMenica ispange—his goe-whie syle of speech, hs beginnings ofa beer belly—varmed her het. Every tie they were out in public she word he would Bd Some other woman mor attractive How cou he not? She knew she was no beauty, That gl babind the counter at thee fvaite cleehouse,frnstance: she was so much buster than By butt ‘ast only that sho was so much softer, more yielding somichon. ‘And furthermore, she ws singe! Then the git suid, as she refed their cups, “Tam completly and toally bthed” and Bitsy felt a vindictive thril beceuse that was such a redundant, ignorant sounding phrase— ‘completly and toa” good gyef1—untl he realize that Brad hadnt even noticed it. He would notices he lucked that critical quality. But never mind: he wa looking only at Bitsy ayhow. His eyes were the same shade of blue ata babys recetving blanket, jut that pure and mil So told him her marrige hed been over for months, and he shouldnt gv ita thought. She was shameless, cutless, singe minded, without a shred of conscience. She spent the night a is sweatsekesmeling bachelor apartment and didnt even bother oferng Stephen an ali. And when Brad accepted a teaching job in Baltimore she dropped her education courses fat and never set footin College Pekan. ‘Of enue, both her parents and Stephen's were shocked wea they hear the news. Not so much Stephen himself he seemed ‘more relieved than anything elie. Bu ther parents could’ bieve that such perfect match had not worked out. They blamed it on “adjustment problems” afl ear afte the wedding). Her mother asked hor, rately; whether ae gven any thought to the gest, great imporance of intellectual compatiblity in & mariage, And ‘Bad parent, wel. Tho ess sald about ther, the beter. You coud tell they thought thee som had lot is and. Such a gangling, sgaceless gil not ro mention already mario and one year older than he and politically ridiculous The Donalsons voted Republ- can. They lived in Gullord. When they got together wth Bitsys rents, even no; you coud see them apen ther mouths and dase fn ther breath and then flo fnd a single subject they could imag ine dsussing with uch people. ‘Bitsy had assumed tht ax som as Bras parents became grand- parents, things would ease up. But then Hey did become grand- tens, (One more strike against Bitsy) She spent fteen years tnyngto get pregnant while other women, heodesly lucky women, ‘mised bithely past erin the supermarket wth grocoy eats fll of children, She endured every possble tet and grueling medial procedure, and more than once twas on dhe tp of er tangue to ss her doctors, "Could tis be my doing? I don't mean just my ‘dy ding, I mean, i my nature? ArT not sof enough, not receptive encugh—a woman who ditched her frst husband with- ‘out the Jeet ite twinge?” Absurd ofcourse. Aa see how welt had all tured out! They Ina thelr precious Jin-Ho, the most perfect daughter imaginable. Anda child in nes, besides—an cppertiniy todo god a ths wodd ‘When Bitsy looked back oa Ja-H's ars it dat seem ike a first meeting It seemed that Jn-Ho bad been traveling toward thom all along and Biss barrenness hud beea par of th plan, forwordned so that they could have their true daughter. Oh, you! Welcome home! Bitsy had thought when she fst saw that robust tle fee, and sho had eld out hor arms ‘But she eupposed no one would understand f she called this a eanion Party. 4 Bitsy two brothers were younger than she, but thei iden were IalEgroom. (That sed to ankle, bit) Mac and Laura had atecnageson—a certified genius, antisocial und geekyand a ds ‘urblogy sexy blond ten-yearold daughter. Abe and Jeanine had three gis ages eight, nino, and eleven but alike enough, tn looks and in temperament, that they could have been tiple, Poor Bra va orver ming up thet names (On the aflernoon ofthe party, these two fais arsved before ‘anyone else and even before the spectfed time bya good half hour ro, pling up in font ofthe houte one afte the other asi they ‘ad reveled in tandem, although they Bed in oposite directions, ‘At it Bitsy felt annoyed: she was stl eying to sul Jt-Ho into her costume, and the coffee ura had not ben started yet oF the cake set out on the tbl, Then she wondered if they bad cme with some agenda in mind, The wives seemed uncharacerstcally eager to ster the cildren toward the T room, and once the grows ‘were sete inthe ving om, Abe the yong ne) kept ooking expectantly at Mac. For some reson, Bity fl no particular nee to help thea out Infact, a the very moment that Mac sai, “So Well, ah. Sino we're all here" she wis seized by the urge to ‘hea him off She sad, "You know what I id thi morning?” ‘Everyone looked at her “Ilistened to the audiotape we made at the srport thet aight Goodies, it seems long ago allng into the makes F'n saying, ‘Everybody’ gathered around everybody brought presents, Mac nd Lauraare her, aed Abe snd Jeannine." Although actualy she hl no referred to them by name. She was jst trying to make it ‘more Sntresting I sounded so shaky and scared! Well, fie it: [ was scare to death. thought, What i tur out tha I cant warm 'o this ld? What sfwel, we'd seen that one photo and we lead new she was beau, bt what in person she was some~ how olf-piting or unappealing? These things ean happen, you now! Although no one likes to admit it. And look at Susan. Of ‘course se adring bat Tv always wondered didn't the Yezdans ‘ol mayb the faintest bt iseppointed when they saw how homely she was? With tha sallow shin an bald forehead? And then later came to lve her I don't mean we wouldnt have loved her, bat sell, Ob, Las a nervous wreck that day! And you ean hear tin nay vole. Then Ty, "Ob! She's here! Ob, she's lovely and there's this catering sound; that woud be me letting go of the tape reorder" “Say, maybe we should play tat tae today tthe party” Brad ssid “Wel 1 don Jno; think fea otf stupid if ether poople Dard” “hw hoa, would’ be stupid. Ie ould be sweot™ “Bitsy” Laura sid ina declarative tone. (She was a rade-school Principal the wat accustomed totaling charge) “We ned to have ‘talk about your parents” . "My parents?” ‘Lanna loked at Mac He straightened and sid, “Right, Mom and Dad. [guess we dort have to tell ou that Mom soem to be sinking” “1 say you don't have to tell el” Her brothers and their wives had not een a attentive as hey ‘might hive been in Biss opaion. She dicted a spedal gare toward Jesnnin, who had once declined to drive Connie to a chemo appointment beste her youngest ha ply. And you can soe tha is wearing on Dad,” Mac went on. “This samme been bad enough, but with clases starting in September, ‘well I'm not sue how he’ going to manage He talling about ak ‘ng eal retirement, But you Inow how much he loves teaching. Td hate to ee him gv tht up just when. just before hes going to need something to do with is days you know? We think he ‘ought to bir some kindof sing help for Mom.” “Oh” Bitsy sid. She was relieved. She had word theyight ask her tobe the muse, or evento take er mother into her house “But for sure they both gong to argue, Dad wil sy he wants ‘wcarofor Mom on hisown. Mom willsyshe does needany care” She’ so obstinate!” Laura bust ot. “Doesnt she realize how ict she makes thing? People who refuse to accep her nic tatlons: obi all very ama al very brave and hero, but in Practica terms infuting! Geting into aes he can got out of refasing canes and walkers, insisting on gong to places where the restrooms undred miles away and up thee ght of tain—" Boy new ently what she meant, but to hear i oan a mere ‘Ssterinaw—someone not even related, so efent and profes: sonal inher cat-eye hisses and squae-eut pantaut— seemed an ‘sult She snd, “Oh, Laure, who knows what we'd do ourselves in hee stunt?” “Weld bow gracefilly to cicumstance, I would hope,” Laure snapped. Her husband sent her a warning glance and Abo started Fook aio, but she ignored them both“, she sito Bitsy “Are we agreed? We offer to hire caretakers?” “Givers” Bly sid stomatal. Pardon” “Caregoers ts what they're called these days.” “And around the clock, dont you agree? So your da wont have togetupaighs” ‘ow much wok! that cost, exactly?” Brad asked. “I meen, of ‘course we do agree—dont we, Bisy?—but would’ this cost an semand alg?” ‘Not if weal hp,” Laur sd. Bveryone looked st Bitsy. ‘She sid, “Well, of couse we would chip in. But I dont think they! accept it, And the iste init money, anyhow. 'm sure Dal snakes enough money “Yes, ut offering to pay is & way of bringing up the subject,” Laura fold her “Here sat you dos sy for your sake. Say ote losing sleepover this snd t woud make ou fel beter you and your brothers could pay for some belp.” Me?” Bi asked. “Tm Supposed to say? What about the rest of your "Wel atrally well hacky sp" "Backine wp?" ‘But then the doorbell rang and she sprang to her fet, pad for the interruption. Tis ws supposed tobe apart A celebration for JIn-Hot (Who had boon hastid of tothe TV room with the most minimal of greetings, just s0 the growmps could) conspire together) ‘On the porch she found Zibs paronts—Mr, and Ms. Hakim, oartng, a sti dar thes Mrs Hakim mul held outa bug, extravagantly wrapped git, contrary to all instructions, while Mr Hakimi cred, “Feistations, Mrs. Donaldson!” They were 50 oti, 0 blesey distant fom the serich-seratching itation of the sone beck nthe Ising rom, Bitsy si, “Ob, what pleasure to ee you!” and then she said, “Please, Bitsy,” and tok the gift fiom Mrs. Hakim and kissed her on the check. Mr. Hakinis check was as soft as anol velvet purse, Mr. Ham's parchment- colored bead resembled an antique globe, They entered the house In hesitant, respctal manner, even though the fon all was it- tered with toys and yesterdays Dyper Dele delivery sat by the vunbrela stand, “Such an oocasion! Such & joyous occasion!” Mr. Hakini nounced in the vog-toom doorway Iwas Uke a stage direction, Immediately the men stood up and pat on weleoming faces, and the sistereinaw begun string snd busing, and the cidren streamed in from the TV room clamoring for something to et, The oorbell ang sgn, and again, and then again—de Yardans withMaan, then Brads parents, and list ofall Bay's pareat, her ‘mother quite alert today and steady on he feet—and it realy taro fel lke a joyous ocason. 4 Why wast that Bitsy loved San snd iba so? The two couples had ite in common, other han thetr daughters. And the Yardans were s0 much younger Teo much youngest semed at times. Se ad ‘hat very young habi of taking hse too serious) although that could have been just hls freiganess showing. (Even though his accent was dyedsinthe-wool Bakimore, something studiously, ffortily xsl nhs manner marked him as on- American.) And “ib, with her noticeably manicured, dark red nal and her hen ‘med air and two-tone lipstick why, Bitsy herself had no bothered ith such concerns in ear! Or eves as a matter of Face Bren on sues pertaining to thelr daughter, the Yazdans took a very diferent approach. Imagine changing tit charming name, ‘Sooki part of her native heritage, to plain old Sus! “Su-zun Yaz. hand ven sound right. ("az an,"Zibwhad corrected he, when Bitsy once wondered aloud low well that realy worked. ‘Okay: ut sill...) Not to mension the outfit Susan was wearing today. party dress fom one of thse grandimether stores ove in D.C. The sagas Bitsy had lent hee was bing now on the coh, shucked off as soon as everyone had had chance to adie it. And ‘hetr child-rearing phlosophy in general: the working mothe, the regimented bedtime, the singyong, uy-voiced baby talk “Sue. Su! Sunejune!” as if Susan belonged to some whole othe, lest Intligent spoctes of bain. Sill they were the frst ones Bitsy thought of when she was ‘he mond for company. “Let al the Yardans! See what the wp 10." And Bid seemed to fel the tame way. Maybe thal toda with the Yadans" geatleness, They were so plant and accepting: they lucked sharp edges (Bits dda include Maryam inthis, Maryam ‘could act very superior Sometines.) And also... wast true that those women who'd actually given birth formed a complacent tort of sorry, ith ther talk of sonogram and lbor pains and ‘breastfeeding? None of Bits othr fiends had adopted, sit Ihappened. They were very supportive and all hat, very diplomat, ‘ut she could tell dat underneath, they Flt that to adopt was to setle for second-best. Ob, o many secret hurts apd braies lay Ibebind his Arrival Party! And Sari and Ziba must have exper- enced them too. “iba had told her once that her parents believed tht people who ‘oul ve children should have een; wast meant to ‘be. "Destiny!" ibs had sid with laugh, but ity had not nughed with her. Instead she hu reached out and coved iba hand with Ihe own, nd iba yes had ooded suddenly with tars. [Now the two litle girls were rling ars the dining oom rag and gyging. They had started noting each other ltey. They ‘were beginning to play together instead of back to ack. And Sami was asking Brad how he ike his new Honda Che, nd Ziba was Delping Bay set out the refreshments tad become the custom for Ziba to be the one to make the tea when she was visiting. Surely the Yalan could ot cally taste the paper on tes bag, but Zia ‘maltained that they could and 0 Bitsy kept a box of lose tea in her cupbonrd (box she regularly had to discard beeanse anther thing the Yezdans could taste was ol te, in theory) and Ziba brewed it hersclin a compliated process that volved «prac: (08 tower of teapot on top of keto and a period sniffing for the proper “melting smell” tothe leaves, Jeannine and Laura were ft: inated, They hovered around the stove, geting i evenane way and aeking questions, “Shoulda there be some easer method? ‘This soem all makeshif." "Why not jst dump the leavesrectly in the letle? Streamline the operation” Ziba merely ‘mild. Bitsy fel secretly prov, a ftom of the Yazdans matey ‘ad transforred tel to her. ‘The one boy cousin, Linwood, wat asked to ight the cade on the cake. Bity hed thought his would make him feel more Included. He was such an awhvard resture, all Adan’ apple and knobby pints, with thick, smodged glasses and to-short he. But even stepping up othe table tamed his fcea deep re and hen the fnlly got a match ithe somehow managed to drop it athe wat Farching toward the cake Bitsy’ father, who was closes, suff it ‘out easily with one palm and sd, “No harm done,” which wasnt (git trve becanse a charred spot showed on the tablecloth, not ‘hat Bitoy care about such things; but Abe’ three daughters squealed as if ed se the house on fe. “God, Linwood, you's such a dor,” his sister si, tsing her adulelooking mane of blond ha and Laur sad, “Thats quite enough out of you, young Indy” and Linwood wheeled blindly and tied to escape throngh the rng of relatives, leading wih is overed hea. I took while for people to persuade him to try again. Meanubie, Brad as watiog out inthe htchen wth Jn-Ho and Susan, stening fo their ontranoe eve, but evidently nether eld Understood the station. Bitsy eould hear Susan asking, “Mama? Mana? “Jst igh the dama thing, Linwood,” Macs, and Lara ‘id, “Mac!” and Linwood strack another match and lithe exe om is fit try. was fortanat there was just ne candle. Bitsy was already calculating that new year, when there were two, the glk ‘might be old enough todo it themsehee—sith proper supervision, of cour, Allright, everybody” Bitsy aid, and she started singing “They be coming round the mountain when they come "She had been searching til the very lt minute fora more appropiate selection. There must be a song in grand opera about «long swat arrival Or almost certainly in The Messiah, i tht was’ sergio, But nothing had occured to het, and this atleast was 4 song the children Ine. Everyone but the Haims (who were samely selling) fined her halfway though the fst line—even Linwood, in « mumbly underone—kile Brad fing open the Jatchen door and called, “Ta-dat They're here!” The two gils— |Ho-Ho resplendent in rod-and lu sain, Susan i pink rgandy— ‘chung this troaser legs ane loked bewthered Oh, well all go out to meet them when they come” sy sang, “Come on, honey!” she called to Jin-Ho, “Come on, Susan! See youreake?™ ‘Te wat « beau cake—a ge Stare and Stripes. “The lady st the bakery counter thought we were as ely really ate forthe ‘Fourth of July” Bra told Sani. The to of them were hoisting their deughtrs in thelr rms now so that thoy could havea view of the table, Abe stepped forward to am his camera at them. "You get 4 this to” he told Bitsy. "You to, Ziba, get into the plture, Okay. altogether now! Sail!” -Bveryboay smiled (wel, exept for the gl, who stil seemed afl), and the camera flashed "Well et the cousins blow the candle ou” Bitsy said. “Tm not sur the gl are up to that ye. And Jeanne, yeu would pour the tea, and Laura can serve the coffe, and I ack you toe the cake, Pat.” For once, she refused to do everything her oom. ‘She was celebrating the most important anniversary in here es, een more important than the anniversary of her marsage), and she intended to enjoy. Proditably Linwood held back from the candle blowing but ‘he four gel eosin flint the spt things, shoving each exer and sputtering wth laughter unt mare or les by chance the can- dle happened to go oat: Then Brad's mother cut precise tle squats of cake and Bitsy’ father handed them around, He started‘vith Bisy$ mother, probably out of solitude, but she had not ‘een able to eat much lately and she waved the plate aside. She was settled atthe table ina laddor back chain The others remained on thei eet, Reepng tothe sll groups they flt most comfortable ‘with but Maryam pulled out the chai net to Connie and sat don sho“ imagine tea would go well ight now” Bitsy hear er say, sand Connie said, “Ob, you Io, I believe it might” Maryam placed her own cup infront of Connie and tured t Jeannine for ‘other, and Bitsy sent her a thankful snide even if Maryam dit notice. Maryam was dressed in oneof thor upersysh oats she favored —cigartte legged whit sacks and a black seoop-necked top that showed off hor tanned ars—but al atone she seemed ‘mach more Mlable than ul ‘The gi cousins were competing at lagging the litle anes here and there, staggering around with them af Jn-Ho and Susan were giant dlls. Linwood was hud ina comer gumly wolf, ‘down his cake. The men were discussing baseball, nd Pat and the ‘oo sisters-in-law were making more of the busines of serving than scomed cae fr. Only Ziba and her parents, standing eighty to ‘one se, speared at ose ends Bitsy went over to them. “Did you get tea” se ashe the Hakim, although both were holding cups and saucers. “Are you not having any cake?” Mrs. Hakint smiled even more broadly and Mr. Hak! sid, “Soin of you, Mes. Donaldson" “Pease: its Bits” she tld him forthe dazenth ie, Also, she ‘had kept her maiden namo, but no sense getting int that now. "Mrs. Hak and Tare watching our waistline,” he sai. He patted his stomach, which certainly could have sed watching, although bis wife had one of those shor, cory figures that made calore-counting eer beside the point. “ib said, “It does look delicous, though. Did you bake it your sell ity?” ‘Ob, my heavens no! I've never ben god at pasty” ‘Me neither” Ziba sud. “My mother’ the pasty expert. She sakes dlitos bald” "Is that cght” Bity tamed to Mr, Makin. She nw twas Inughable to think tht louder tone of vole would make her more cay understond, bat someliow she coulda top here tit ‘hat wonderfll Baklava” she sai, with more animation than she'd shown ice hgh schoo ‘Mrs, Hakimt sad,“ do not ever buy the..." and then she ‘zed helpless Ziba and disolvedin ase of Fars. “She doesnt uy the flo dough, She makes her dough from scratch” ib sai, “She rolls tot here thin enough tose day ihe through.” “Taha. wonder” Bitsy dug. “My wif ta ery talented perton” Mr: Hain announced, Mr. Halimi made a taking sound and looked down into her “We next we gingto sharia. Ste - ured it would cout fo someting if he faced the Hakim she spoke, eventhough her words were mean for ibs. "My brothers si one of Brads uncles and, oh, just lots of people, some of our fiends too, brought video cameras to the sxport when we went to ‘meet Jn-H. So we're going to show the tape, but I want to splo- Bae sight now forthe fact tial Jno and no Susan. We id know back then that Susan would be Uhre! Otherwise we'd have ned her oo” Oh, that’ okay” iba uid. “ave the memory in my ead” Yo oP” By asked “Tn it funny, the whol ever such ‘lurto me, Hremember whe 1 fists foo fae remember reaching out for her. But then what? Hw did she reat? I ll seems kes dream now Mr. Hakint poked iba arm “Tell about Susan" she orderedWhat about ber, Munnany?” “Tell about when we fret met he “Oh,” Zia sud. he tured eo Bitsy. “My parents dd come to the ror, remember. They hada prior engagement." She lowered hr sweeping lashes a fraction of an inch, (rior engagement Right) “They visited later that week, and shen thy walked in, Susin was siting inher high chai and she raed her eyebrows at them and si, “Ho? Only babbling you understand, She dit ‘mean anything by it. Bu i sounded Uke a Farsi word, hob. The ‘word for ‘well’ “Well? she wns eying, ‘Do T past inspection, or don't 17> ‘Mes, Hakim said, "Khob?” and doubled over wih lager, coe fring her mouth with one hand. Her husband si “He, Ha.” He looked aerss the room toward Susan. “A child of sir,” he sad "We Huakimis are known for our spt, We have, how do yu sy. ‘Webave backbone.” Bay smiled and fllowod his gaz, It astro that Susan gener- lly showed certain daunssnes, pony though she was. A the ‘moment she seemed to hive decided thet she had been tote around long enough and she had planted herself in in-Ho hide sizod rocker and was gripping its ams so stebborly that when one of the cousins tried to iter, the rocker came along with her Mrs. Haims was stl eying, “Kicb?” and laughing behind her ‘cuppa pel, and Ziba was watching her fond “Now they doe on ‘hex she told Bit. “She thee favorite gandhi" ‘Ms. Hakim std, No, no, no, no, no. No fortes," and wagged thick index finger at his daughter, but dnt scem he really “Well why dont we go watch the video” Bitsy tod them “Everybody” she called, lapping her hand, “Shall we mene into the TV room forthe video?” ‘She threaded through the crowd, rounding up those wh hung —o ck to continue thelr conversions. “Brad, are you coming? ‘Laue? Jeannine? Somebody bring the gil in they havent seen this eter” he had strghtened the TY room earier that morning, but dread the children hal managed to wreck i. Vous cushions ‘were tren onthe rg, anda Teen People magazine ay inthe oat ofthe armchair. (Stefano, no doubt-the ten year-old gong on went) Bity placed i up between thumb and forefinger and Aropped ton the windows. Sit hee," she tld her mother. “Will this be comfortable? Somebody hand me cushion for Mon.” Brad meanwhile was rummaping though thevdeotapesheaped (on top of tho TV “You kids took my tape oat of the machin,” he complained thd ital ready to roll Now; where... Ah, Gott” Some of the older people packed themselves in row on the sofithe Hakimis and Brads parents. Dive settled on one ar of Connie's chai and everyone ese ston the Boor—even Maryam, ‘suming alist a lots poston with her back very straight. Abe offered to bring her char fom the dining room, but she sl, "T prefr thi, thank you and sho drew Susan onto her lap and ‘wrapped her arms around her Awhile go, Sami and Zh ad gone sway forthe weekend and left Susan with Maryam, Bitsy was razed when she ard about it. Daring her wm bref absenoer—never longer than «couple of hour, and only for unavoidable reatone such as doctor appnt- rmente—she used a peton fom Sites Centra, woman cert {in infant CPR. Anyhow; her mother was too fal to babysit and her ‘arava bad nade plain that they ad their oom busy ives. But under no circumstances would she have considered leaving Js Ho ‘ovemight She would have beo fant wth wor Caren were so fragile. She realize that now: When you thought ofall that col Ihappe, the electrical sockets and the Venetian-lnd cords and the salmonella chicken and the toxe fumiture posh and the\indpipesied morsels of fod and the uncapped medicine bores and the lethal two inches of bathtub water. it semed miraculous hat any child at all mad throught auld, She reached for Jin-Ho and pulled her closer, even though it meant pling her eosin Pll along wth he. Brad sud, “Here we go” and stepped back From the TV. On a Aatedlooking, pale blue vateredaile background, copperplate seript spelled out The Arica! of Jno. “Clas someone me ‘mured, and Mac called, “This was a frm I found tn the Yellow Pages. Very reasonably" “Soh” everyone tld him, cause now a vice could be head fiom the TV set—Mac’ own voce, bot mare publicsounding. “Okay, fll, ete atthe Baltimone/ Washington Airport. Pid vening,Augist teenth nineteen rnety-sven Its seven thi nine pm. The weathers warm and hut The plane is ue to and say lotesee..." ‘Brad closed the curtains, tuning the watered sik deeper ble, tnd then settled onthe floor nest o Bite. “Watch, sweetheart.” he told fn-Ho, She was sucking er thumb and her eyes were at al ‘mas. (She hadnt slept during er nap today. perhaps sensing the excitoment) A jumble of figures appeared: Dickinions and Donaldson, {intermingled wearing summer clothes. You could tll t mst have ben hot becase people had a eazeed ay lok, even the rt attractive of them not quite a thelr best, Wel, excep or Pat and ‘ou. as co! and chalky as wo bisque figurines. (Alhogh Pat was ‘heard to sy, rom her place onthe couch, “Good heavens f'n 39 ld” Agi cousin searmpere eros the sorcen, green plald shir. ‘ais ying. “Thats me! Thats my od hit tte Deir shouted, and Jeannine sai, “eh “Howe that shit! “Straight abead you see the proud parents” Mac’ onscreen ie ting “Dr ad ty bth er ag: iy Cpatte tmorng Ths an encom npn in et tre Tuten in ae wr made By i ay To seal thngh he bk tse muh hy teed ed so ned Sete ed yi wo ke mattin tim rine gmap Sh ma cng e pe ere tt omy her chin ted ma enbsoning wy Sones Badlioccatieeisbuther ceed ‘a dng pn te eres “he swe bole oi nen, contin, Mac Kime pre Heywood Census Un Orval we ining a ‘Then Bs tgif he lidioe Css whe she nd Patter es ga Ea ecm ig lee akytegserbepreenepre fat chooer bale ‘ees ior nol “sels ucmanen reine teste jot wang fen oe et er ep cee erie any Toop code ke cereal ee Cipro king nie nh adi rts Diener snd hen Lino poppet lint der ooppeer inp eae a ard then, "No hr yor Aut ie, Here Bl, yor peep le rege nd yo ad pd a i od Your ge ae wthing ti 85 order ef {et nop hn ter ple te per mast ve hh ae, ee toege Abe aig at Mogan Al igh lt usbiceinc 70 AMERICA hile later Been abit of dla. But the plane has landed, sd we're watching the fs passengers come in off the jetway. Big ‘moment! Big, big moment” Bitsy awa very tall young man and realized that she'd seen him before, Ske sew two businessmen, boy tha backpack a woman dropping ber briefcase to hug two children in pajamas. How od these people were so familie, and yet she had given themn ‘ought ince that night and had erty not been avare that they ‘were stored in er brain. Tt was something ike rereading «book and coming cross a passage where you can real every word split second before you see it, even though you could neve ave sum- ‘moned itup oa your on ‘The woman from the agency, for instance. The Korean woman in the navy suit that resembled an aiine uniform, with har broad cheekbones and hee stem, ofl manner. Bitsy hat mentally se missed her the instant sho and Brad tok possesion oftheir dangh- ter—she’d exorcized her, yot could almost say—and yet now the two ine creases below the woman’ eyes were so well known ‘her that she wondered if she had dreamed about her every single night of this past year And the diaper bag! Oh, look. Pink vay, ‘cheap and poorly made, already begining to pel lng the edges ofthe strap. They had discarded it imately i favor of the ‘one that Bitsy had sewn from her own handwoven fabri, but thre it was, back again, lke a statesman casket reappearing on the evening news after you have spent the day watching it beng bred ‘And Jin. Ab there: the camera zoomed inom her face and held stead: She was so much smaller! He features were 0 much closer together "Look st you, Jn-Ho,” Brad aurnired, but to ‘Bitsy, the cid asleep in Pols lap bore almost no connection to the baby on the screen. The sudlen ache she flt was very ike ef, as ifthat fis Jn-Ho had somehow pasedoutof existence “The woman from the agency was handgthe baby io Bitsy. ity ‘was hugging the baby close and er rlasver were smiling and dab- Tang thei eyes with snes. Everybody both onseroen and af making sof cooing sounds ike bagi of mourning doves (Ob, wasnt adoption better than childbirth? More dramatic, sore meaingfil. ity Flt sorry for tho poor women wo had merely delivered, Evidently someone ele was fling now, beenase Mac could be seen making oop eyes a the infant Jnl, Maybe it was Uncle ‘Osvald wbo was sweeping his camera across the assemblage one lustine and then drawing back, ack to tak inthe ftway dor and the ina ie ofpassngors, the man with the ean and the ay- ‘aired couple and oh! “There wae Susan, “We did got her inl We dd!” Bitsy cred. “There she is hor ‘Av there were Sam and Zia, to, There was Maryam fallow- fing behind with her faMesepostre and her imperious, bgle- clear “Here we are, Yanan.” All three were remarkably fee of sppurtenances. No camera, video cameras, tape recorders. ‘They traveled light, these people, have the memory in my bead—vas’ that how Ziba had putt? Al at once Bay elt eve cs) The photographer tracked their progress toward the jtway and then focused again on Susan, o on what ite coud be sen of hes, which was most pink T-shirt and a tuft of seanty Black hae Bas leaned past Brad to search out Ziba in the andence, She fund her sting net to Sami on the Boor near the bookcase, “Doesnt this bring al back? she ele and Zia sai, "But shes tay” without taking ber eyes fom the seen, “She ikea whole “ther person! she sai, “Tow” “Temes mesa”“Oh, nowt” Bitsy cid, and if hed been nearer to Zia she ‘wouldve hugged her, and hugged Sarl too with bis sweet ile lasses ghterig ke teas in the Hight fom the TV. ‘Then she turned backto the move and found sthad ended with. ‘ther. Credits wore gliding across the watered silk, Speil thanks (0 the Loving Hears Korean-American Adoption Center. Bra Clicked the remote control and ross to open the curtsns, and light ooded the room. People blinked and stretched, Ja-Ho was sill asleep her head olin against Polly’ ches, bt that was ll ight; she woud have many more chanes to watch Ui movie in years to come. Bitsy patted Jno satin-deaped leg and then stragged to her feet and made her way toward Sami and Zia. Saws holding 4 wide-awak,squlrmy Susan and listening to Mac advice onthe ‘est brand of video camera, bu iba tamed to Bitsy nd threw her ‘rms around bet. “Why do I fee 040d?" she aed Bit. “Isn't sll She collected horslf and wiped her eyes, Shed eft a damp spot on Bitsy shoulder," was the happiest ay of my hl Is a day lh neve forget.” "Me ether, but would you wan! to go backtoit” Bitsy asked her, “Neverl™ ‘They both laughed, "Come help me brew another pt of ex.” ity told he. ‘They made thee way through the crowd, which wasnt cay Other people were damp-eyed to; ether people wanted to hug them. Bitsys mother ssid, “It broke my heart to see our Jin-Ho scvingall ae ik tha," and Bitsy father sai “Alone? She had that nce Korean wor” “Yes, but you know what mean” “Maybe thats why woe sud” Bit old iba they entered the ltchen. "We're so sed to having tho gil by now; we forget they havent abways been with us. We see them coming off the plane snd we sy, ‘Oh, no, they made tha lng tip without ue! Where were se?™ “Aad they ved those fst months of thet lives without us," Ziba ssi, “A above! Coping fr themsehes!™ “They fellint each thers arms gan, crying and laughing both “Oh, Zba, who else understands how it fel” Bitsy asked as she leaned bck agains the snk a fshed inher pocket for atu "T wah you lined lover I hate that Ihave to get my car to go sae ot. Tike tobaveyou next door, We coud call o each ater over ‘the fence, andthe gins could play together whenever they wanted ‘wthout ll these formal arangements” She could see is her rnd: He cata coming and goings, the sereen door slamming a the gil raced out to meet the Bist hing tor breakfast. Maybe the Sansoms at 2430 could sll othe Yaz- dane. They were geting on in years, aftr, an thee Cape Cod ‘was mach, much nler than any McMansion ut in Hunt Valley. She blew her nose snd said, "We cond bays for each other Soon the gee woud hardy notice fone fue wat gone” “When they gota ltl oder they cou have sleepovers Ziba ssid. Maryam bad joined them by now: She was gently sting Bitsy to ome sie so she cou il the kel. “Being together so meh,” Bitsy sid, they would think adoption was natural. T mean they would know i ws. They wouldnt have any sol doubts or sense of inferioiy” “Does this stove need a match to ight 7” Maryam asked. “Oh, Yim som No, just that one bummer: the others are fine” ‘Bitsy told her. "You know” she sai, turing back to Za, “when I ‘was in that poetry group 1 red about these two women poet who Jad 0 much they wanted to share wth eachother, they installed a septate telephone ine and lf ther receivers ff the hook a all‘times so as to keep in constant contact. Not that Fd want to do that myself but dont you sympathize withthe urge?” “They lft them of night and diy?” Ziba ask, Would the telephone company send one of those beeping signals? “Wel I dont... nay have some ofthe deals ite wrong.” By sid. “Tm just talking theoreti here, I did wonder how they could hope to catch everylast word, What if one of them hap pened to speak while the other was in a ferent room? They surely coulda have heard from everywhere ia th house.” From he place atthe stove, Maryan sid, “How interesting that thats what you would wory about.” “Pardon?” Bitsy sad. “Why woulda you wom too muck wonkd be heard ether than too itl? Privat things, cht familes should hee separate” “Oh, Bitsy sid. Well, of course” She glanced toward iba. “OF ‘course, that wold be... Well, maybe they dd ave the phones ‘ofthe hook every single instant” “Ah,” Maryam sid “Inthet case then” “Len, it ist something I would wan to do mysel. said a. 1 sit was jus the general urge that I understood “Maryam ide comment. She bad a disconcerting way of lating ‘comerstion drop, Bitsy had noticed. All she dd was spoon tea Teaver into the teapot. twas Ziba who spoke up ne! “Another thing bout the video” she sid “Thept thinking {could smell the sells. membered how Susan stlled when [ft held er, ke A spice Kind of vail, and now she does smell that way tl She’ more ike regular vail, Did you think ofthe smells, to?” “Well, no... now what you mean, though” Bitsy sid, But thr heart mis no init A sort of dullaess el over he, anal st ‘noe she felt out of place in her own Hitchen. She was underfoot here. She had nothing todo. In sense she had nothing odo with her iff you dda count Jin-Ho, She had never completed her heaton course, never hl filth had ase ee ‘ef with rb and das Hk teaching op and atten poet seminar and hrowing ptr wevng ile mado ac tethout sty py or bear bonefts Brad ihe wou ‘nga fal, bth wel fo nat she ada tt terloo in wont an at we hon se wa wearing oe her cli cretion sh ad appenod to etic rl nthe alent tor apt ad ll atone she sa tht eng a wl be raring ig. The fbi was so conse and so oly sped, tours fectange fom whch her bare ars ane emerged al srg and. “Oh shes shuld set..." end she ted andthe then She dete hog hen rom where aan be soy dghter wer ising teach ether vert efoe un She paved Linweed, sacked in the dons cheng «thumbnl, ted Bridget ing Se ovr the iia rc: Int co ter charinthe ing room sh sa her nether the penon sd boon liking for, she velaed Sho sided pat Mi end Mis ali who aparently ad oon to ta to tre but what coner wath ober? Sho std on the arn of er mothers thai “Ob, gpd her moter id itt ed Bit tok confor. fromthe hough tht one pero i chon tet, wa pleat tose her Bit nether mother i, Hee" and handed ber sp ‘of paper. Wars thst ake th he nae of won eth Maca, Bitsy red and lepine bey, nc fa rounded band “Awoman who come tothe hon her mothers “Comesto th boas?” Her meter gr pat her unligated changed sage. The meres ad roped nd pce, whichsomehow ge har an espresion of epreuch althugh she ws not the kind of woman whe had ever reproached anyone, She sd “I dont believe sb’ nun, exactly. She mist be sme so of ie, but dhe licensed, She ben tne. Adah bs couple of ters who might tke th other shits. vide the twenty-four any are ded no thre shi “Whee id you got ti?” iy aed “Mayan ge ito me, Ths woman rid Marys shand ‘when he ws dying” ‘he word “éhng” hada shar, shocking sound, bt Conn seemed not ont, She passed snot on," Maan se the ‘woman stil working. They ill kepin touch. She nese boat the sites, but they aren wal, Marya hk the wean ‘wold kzow ther people who re” ‘She took Bitsy’ and. Connie skin ws 0 dy these dys hat ter fngerps hala pucered fel shed jst ppd oat ofa ath “Wilyouhlp me wih your father? she ted lp you how. Moni” “oul he’ oingto objet. es going tell me e can tke care fe inslf Bath can tall iy. Na ming oon, snd nig. And want tobe bleak or things Laat as ot ave to wort im asking to much" Bitsy uid, “Oh, Mon,” and eat ay er cheek on topo her nthe head. ons’ poor ar was oth hat fl san.“ couse help" shed, “Thankyou, due” Bitsy aw he should fel gratflto Maryam, bunt all of resentment se up wi er. It eee ht some belonging hers oe taken ava from her Or sme plan fer bad been feed: that woul be more accurate, Aug tft he had not Jad any pln, an it shld ve ben a hg reef at someone else bad come fore with one ‘he crn wee Inghing and tumbling and the men were tring technical eiftons, ad Me Hakim ws epereaty tel Mi. ak something itv alhough be wa pk ingin Fr and Bity couldnt enertand tis wor She bd pease easing fom histone ashe wea fle toni county,