FRANKLIN COVEY CO. ND SIMON & SCHUSTER DAILY Pag ae Le FOR HIGHLY aaron: nee am Habits of Highly Effective People 0863-5, $14.00 le-Centered Leadership 9280-6, $14.00 wer Principle 4616-0, $14.00 First Things First 0-684-80203-1, $14.00 Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People 0-671-88717-3, $1100 First Things First Every Day 0-684-84240-8, $11.00 What teens and others are saying about The HABITS of Highly Effective TEENS ‘Sean Covey's The 7 Halts of Highly Ect Toes is 9 tue ah fr the ‘teenage ou” Nosmatter seat lssues you may be struggling with inl, this book offers hope, vision, and the strength to overcome your challenges” JACK CANEELD snd ERY KRERCER, ‘hos of Cichen Sop eee Se) “This isan easy-tosnderstand book ul of intoresting stories. realy related to Sean's personal story about the fear of performing Front of people since Iam violinist im sure teonagees around the lobe will beable to eate a8 well ‘Sean Covey speaks to teenager in a way that i oth entertalaing, ans thought provoking, Fis message offers tens a solid read map to« Soest future. Thighly recommen it JOHN GRAY. ator Mor rom Mare, Mme ef Ve “Tac? Habits of Highly Efective Tens gives you new insight into ‘the meaning of being powerfully sucessful Ie teaches the importance ‘felting goals and sicking to tein inorder to achieve your dream: FICABO STREET member oO US Kan nd Ope old med ‘What? Sean Covey wrote a book? You've got to be kiding!” Sean ih hong char “Sean provides an appropriate adaptation of lelong values ad principles tht when embraced by toons will envi del lives earlier fn Tonger—very coll” MEK SHANNON. Presee CEO, Cian Mc NeneProactive or Reactive... Gach day you and 1 have about fhe Chokce sours” hnacsso chawe whabests be proactive oe reactive. In any given day the wet te ad, yom Ein tind ao, your iter sits your lowe, you ls an leon 31 school, Jour Een falls behind your back: someone cle yo amos your patents dan’ et you tke the cr (or no rss), Yo ga parkog chat on camps and you funk eso what ov fing te do about uZ"Are you nthe hab of reacting 10 Wa its of everday ting or be you protcve? the Choice yours I nly i You dort have to fegpond the sway eveone clos docs x the way people ENE you So How many times have you been driving chown the ro when suddcy somebody isin fet of Jour moklng you dan on Yon rast What doyou so? Do youl Mat the mouth? Give 'em he il Let ial yur ay? Lae blader conte” ‘Ordo yout etitg? Laugh about weave on Rencive people make choices based ‘on tpte Thee ke can of soda sup We shake hem upa Bethe pres SoRbulde an hey suddendy expe “yy sup fe Get ou 9 le” Protctive people mate choices based on values. They thnk before they sh They recoie they can't cont everything that Rappers hem, bot Reycan contol wh ley do abou! Uae relive people who ae hill of extbonation, proactive people ar ike wate Shake them up ll you wants tke of the ld and noth ing. Nofizaing cobubblieg. to prscue. They areca, cok and ingot Frm mot ging et hal guy ge me upset and ruin my day.” A great ny fo understand te proatve mindset compare poctve an fective response situation tat happen al the Scene One ons overhear your bestfriend bad-mouthing you in front of a ronp, She deat kw you averheard the conversation, Just five ‘was sweetlatking you to your face. Yeu food laut andl beteestas 50 GREAT BOOKS FOR TEENS ove case Seem gong ence a niente, Gevcanay Eiht a eee Ties selon Eien! = eae ese Seren Den eugene SoU ie a TER Bit Raine mans sew cir Sander Atony Burm: ‘les Armstrong Tee uate tne Dons 2 a Se Si jai Se aie eid he Sen Winds ‘a Beren Acie as Parra i the Oven —M Vet oa ® ies Beene Seams, Yes (oe ere Bae [Hw the Out Cat Bisa titima HN Ree row suitHelp Trepoey Vis The Fk Guien Calin Risks nae” i Cant Sop frie The Cmte ial Sal Exeytang Yo New 10 PEPER Mark vexoe Kass ant Poy Fratané Kine Oe a ‘Making College Count Bruce Harmon Nea Fw rey Teeny fone PR PeseggQuke phenacetin “A Book of Your On: Sete ou Oey Cl De Tht KepigeDinv or lural De tai ears Dati ard Lv ia We ey eo? at ed as aren Gravee Janet Badan Scorreer Gey he Bet Cony he Yarlng or ian Rawls ‘The Fate Sore sans Gan Mie en Mo The Bl Bae of Courage Stephen Cre he Creu Salman i ie vert Geandne Th co of Wate Aiac Nes Tate (HS Wine Meter Janes Merde Pai of Detar 19S ou and ising Vs Writs of ‘Pu Native ents Done teeter an Pa ‘The Wate Geo anne Ginalpher Pat Curse vt Wer er ee [ines Boos and ne Ro fama en Pe red Comoe Some Ei Wonnen iden fit Pal ey Are You Dug ora Dn cee ‘elecree Ft force Heri SEE ae savoournr 253 ‘Gneyling, Dan "The Way the Cookle Crumbles" Reprinted with ‘eric rom the uly 1960 Ra's Digest. Copyright© 1980 by The Reader's Digest Assciation, In. MacTeck Water. Resor Scouts Acton, Nasi: Abingdon Pres, 198. ‘rion, Bruce The Ma Nobaty Knows Now Yok: Colle Books 1925. -MAN INTHE MIRROR. Words and Msi by Glen Ballard and Siedah Garet © Copyright 1987 Music Cocporation of Americ, Aetostatin Corporation and Yllowbrick Read Musi Il ight or Aetostation Conporstion Contlied and Admunstered by MCA Muse Publishing ‘Avision OF Universal Sis, ne International Copyright Secured ‘Al Rights Reserves Teale, Bead, “The Man Who Went Be Defeated.” New York: Para Reprted with permission from Parade. Copyright© 198. ‘Nelson, Porta, “Autobiography in Five Short Chapter” From Thea Tle in My Siok Copyright© 1993 by Portia Nelson. Hillsboro, ‘Oregon: Beyond Words Publishing, Ine, 1800288 5675 ton, Porn. Tere Haein My Siew, Copyright © 198 by Petia [Nelson Hillsboro, Oregon Beyond Weeds Publishing, Inc. 0 281-9673. Tinseyea, Jcyes, An Tow Was Light Edinburgh: Farabola Books, 1s Reprinted with permission, ‘Acmtrong, Thomas. 7 Kas of Sat New York: Pune, 193. Rodgers, Richard and Ose Hammerstein I “You've Got to Be Carefully ‘Taught Copyright 199 by Richard Redgors aed Oscar Hammerstein I. Copyight Renewed. WILLIAMSON MUSIC owner of publication and Aled rhs Unougout the world lstrnational Copyright Secured. Reprinted by Perision All Rights Reserved, ‘Sanders, Bil, Coup: Deets fr Gis, Gran Rapids, Mich: Fleming Revel division of Baker Hook Howse 1958,Lo2- iE Whats | Insic Part [The Setup Get in the Habit 3 ‘They Make You or Break: You Paradigms and Principles 0 Wit You See is What You Get Part Il ~The Prvate Victory ‘The Personal Bank Account 3 ‘Starting with he Man ie he Mor Habit 1-Be Proactive, ” Art the Fore Habit 2-Begin with the End in Mind. 8 (Control Your Own Destiny or Someone Else Wil Habit 3-Put First Things First 105 ‘Will ond Won't Power Part III ~The Pubic Victory ‘The Relationship Bank Account bt “The Stuff That ie ls Made OF Habit Think Win-Win 5 [fs an AULYou-Can-Eat ft Habit 5-Seek First to Understand, ‘Then to Be Understood 168 You Have Two Ears and One Mouth. Heo! Habit 6-Synergize 181 The “High” Way———— What's Inside ——_———— Part IV — Renewal abit 7-sharpen the Saw 0s Who am? eatin Lam you sntant companion. Iam Al as , sei Me lia your gett helper oe haves bare Twill push you onward or drag you down, {o failure. [am completely at your command. “Half the things do you might just as well Acknonledgments aw Wain ove fo me and Til be abe to do Info Cate a9 them quickly and comet 50 Gps Books for Tes a2 Tam easly managet—you must merely ee 7 be frm with me. Show me exactly how You want something done and after afew Index 235, lessons Iwill doit automatically. Tam the sorvant ofall great individuals and, alas, of Aout ranklin Covey Co, 2 all failures, af well. Those who are great, Ihave mado great. Those who are faites, have made faluces Lam nota machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of human, You may run ‘me for a profit or run me for cuin-—it ‘makes no difference to me, “Take me, train me, be firm with me, and Iwill place the world at your fet, Be easy with me and Twill destroy you. Who am |?Get in . the }fabit THEY MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU Welcome! tig rane is Sean and I wrote tis book. cht now how you got t Maybe your non gaveit fo yos to shape you 0p Or oybe you bought it wth your own money becouse te ile cought gotr eg. Regardless of how it anded in your hanes Tn ely adit Now yoojet need to end Alot of ees rad books, but wast one of them. ida several Cs Notes book summaries, however) 80M yu'elike me, Sou may be ry to shelve ths book But before you dott heat rec yo promise orad th bok, promise o make an vette fact to leep fim Fe ted al of coos, Clever ese, great quotes and incredible soi ast val tens from all ove the word slang witha ew oher surprises So wil youguena ny? Seay? Oty! Now back fo the book. This bok is based on another book that my day Slophen i Covey, wrote sverl yeas ago ented The Habs of tghlyEfatoe People, Sarpiigy, Ha bok has ‘become on of the bese al ing books of alltime. He pee td my brothers and ster,however: You see, we were his guinea pigs, He tried out all of his paycho Experiments on us, and that’s why iy brothers and sisters have major femotional problems jst king sib Tings) Luckily, [escaped uninjured, ‘So why did 1 write this book? [wrote it Because life for tens is no longer a playground. I's a jangle out there. And if 've dane my job right, this Book ean be Tike a compass to help you navigate through it. Inadi- Won, unlike my dad's book, which was written foe old people (and ean _get really boring at times), this book twas svitten especially for teens and is always intersting Although I'm a retired teenager, I remembor what it was lke to be one, I could have sworn Tas eid- Jing an emotional roller coaster most ofthe time. Looking back, I'm sctualy amazed that I survived, Barely. never forget the time in feventh grade when I first fell in love witha gil named Nicole. 1 told my friend Clar to tell her that liked her (1 was too scared (0 speak direetly to girls 60 {used interpreters. Clar completed his ‘ission and returned and reported Hey, Sean, [told Nicole that you iked her” What she say!2"1 “She said, ‘Oooh 5 CClar laughed. I was devastated. 1 felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out again. I vowed to hate girl for bf. Luckily iy hormones prevailed and I began liking gels again. suspect that some of the stages tht teons have shared with me are also familiar 4 you: "Theres too much to do and not enough time. tre got school, ‘homework, Job, fiends, parties, and family on top of everything else ‘im totaly sessed out. Help!” “How can I fee! good about myself when I don"t match up? Every- where look | am reminded that someone ele is smarter, oF preter oF ‘more popular “glasses developed a Just as negative selt-paradigms can put {tmdtations an us, ponttiee saldgnemiaeapean tring ot the best in'us, a8 the following story about the son of King Louis XVI of France illustrates: king Louis had been taken from his throne and imprisoned. Mis young son, the prince, was taken by those wha dethroned the king. ‘They thought that inasmuch as the kings son was heir tothe throne, It they could destroy him morally, he would never realize the great ‘and grand destiny that life had bestowed upon him. ‘They took him to 2 community far away, and there they exposed the lad feveryfthy and vile thing that ife could foffer They exposed him to foods the Fichness oF whieh would quickly make him > sive to appente. They used vile language around him constantly. They exposed him to lewd and lusting women They exposed him to dishonor ‘and distrust, We was surrounded ¥ ‘twenty-four hours 2 day by every | thing that could cag the soul of 2 ‘man as ows one could slip. Forever Sk months he had this restment—but pot once did the young Tad buckle under pressure, Finally, after Intensive temptation, they questioned him. Why had enor submitted himself to these things—ny had he not partaken? These things would provide pleasure, satsy bis lusts, and were desi- able: they were al his. The boy sid“! cannot do whet you ask for | twas born to be a king.” Prince Lous ho that paradigm of ims tightly hat noth- ing could shake him, In ike anne, f you walk teh fe wea in glo tht say “I can dot or Tmatien that bb! wil puts elive pinon everything le ei pot you ay be wondering “I my paradigm of nyse is all contorted vha ean [Go fof #2” One way i 0 spend time wih one whe tsa you an bul ou up, hy eter as sucha pewon tome, When was growing op, my mom ays Telleved ine, expecially when outed myself She was always SSyiny stl ie “Sean, of couse you shoul run for clas pres “len and “Ask her out Fm sure se woul just det go ow ih Sou" Whenever I nl to be firmed talk to my mor and waa clsea th phones6 ‘Askany succes person and mot wl el you that hey hada eon who beeved fr font a techer fend pte, fulan 2 ster» gran I nly takes one person an it cast ely mater who ie Dot baad oan on ts person Shuto peta by dnote or avery 8 Yar ithe ay they ea you ON, wh dierencea new Pal of ges {an mae! Ae soma nce Saif yx coud env the pe of pervon God intended yout be, ou would rie ap an never be the Eneagtin” ‘Anes you may nt have anyone on on an aye 1 sok I thease wt yu, poy seca terion Be et Sap which wl give you some hay oboe bul oureleirage PARADIGMS OF OTHERS ‘We have paradigms not only about gurselves, but also about other peuple, And they can be way out of Whack too. Seeing things from 8 different point of view can help us understand why other people fact the way they do. Becky told me about her paradigm shit: As junior in high school, hada frend named Kim. She was essen tially @ nice person, but as the year progressed, t Became more and ‘more difful to get along with ber she was easy offended and often felt left out. She was moody and altfiut tobe around. it got to the ‘aint whore my friends and started cling her fess and less Eventually te stopped inviting her to things ‘Twat gone for 8 good part of the summer aftor that year and! when returned ! was talking to a good friend ef mine, catching up on ail the neve She was telling me about all the gossip, the diferent Tomances, who wos doting who, and soon, wen suddenly she sod, “Oh! Did! tell you about Kim? Shes been having a hard time ately because her parents are going through a really messy divorce. She’ ‘taking it really hard.” When { heard this, my whole perspective changed. Rather than ‘being annoyed by Kim's Behavior 1 Yl terrible about my awa. I fel ‘had deserted her in ber time of ned. Just by knowing that ore itl it of information my whole autuce toward her changed. It was realy an ‘eye-opening experience ‘And to think that a i ook to change Becky's paradigm was smidgen of new information. We too often judge people without heserad ob hes: ‘Monica had a similar experience: | used tive in California, where hada lot of good frend. didn’t care about anybody new because | already had my fiends and 1 thought that new people should deal with Ie io their own way. Then, ‘when I moved, was the new ki and wished that someone would care {bout me and make me par of their group of filends see things in a very diferent way now. 1 know what it feel like to not have any frends. From now on, Monica will reat new kids onthe Block very dif- ferenily, don’t you think? Seeing things from another point of View can make such a difference in ouratinade toward others. AMC IE ty Tee ‘The following anecdote from Rewder's Digest (contributed by Dan P. Greyling) i a classic example of a paradigm shift: A filend of mie, returning to South Ara from a long stay jn europe, found herself with some time to spare at London's Heathrow “Aiport Buying 2 cup of coffee and a snail package of cookies, she Staggered, aden with luggage, 0 an unoceupied rable. She was read- ing the merning paper wien she bacame aware of someone rating at hor table. From behind her paper she was flabbergasted to see 3 nea0y dressed young man helping hte to her cookies. She didnot want to ‘make xene, 20 he leaned across ad took a cookie herselt. A minute ‘ors0 posted. More rusting, He was helping hinself to another cookie. ‘By the time they were down tothe last cookie inthe package, sho as very angry but stil could not bring herself to say anything. Then the young man broke the cookie in two, pushed haf across to her te the other half and fet. ‘Some tie later, when the publicaddress system called for her to present her ticket, she was stil fuming, Imagine her embarrassment {when she opened her handbag and was confronted by her package of ‘cookies. She had been eating his ”Consider this Indy felings toward the neatly dressed young rman before the turn of events: “What a rude, presumptive young Imagine her feelings after: “How embarrassing!? How kind of him to share his last cookie with me!” So what's the point? It's simply this. Our paradigms are often incomplete, inaccurate, or completely messed up. Therefore, we shouldn’tbe so quick to judge, label, or form rigid opinions of oth= fers, or ourselves, for that matter From our limited points of view, Weseldom see the whole picture, or have all the fats. Inaddition, we should open our minds and hears to new infor- mation, ideas, and points of view, and be wiling to change ou par- adigms when it becomes clear that they're wrong, “Most important, it is obvious that if we Want to make big changes in our lives, the key isto change our paradigms, or the glasses through which we see the world. Change the lene and tverything ele fellows. If you'll look closely, you'l ind that most of your problems (with relationships, self-image, attitude) are the result ofa messed- Lup paradigm or two. For instance, if you have a poor relationship with, say, Your dad, i’ likely that both of you have a warped pat adign of each other. You may see him as being totally out of touch ‘with the modern world, and he may see you asa spoiled, ungrate- fal brat In reality, both of your paradigms aze probably incomplete ‘and are holding you back from real communication. ‘As you'l se, this book will challenge many af your paradigms and, hopefully, wll help you create more accurate and complete ‘ones. So get ready, PARADIGMS OF LiF Resides having paradigms about ourselves and others, we also have paradigms about the word in genera. You can usually tll what your paradigm is by asking yourself, “What isthe diving force of my life” "What do [spend my time thinking about?” "Who or what is ry obsession?” Whatever is most important to you will become Your paradigm, your glasses 0: a5 ke tell it, your lfe-center Some of fhe more popular lfecenters for teens include Friends, Stuff, Boyfriend/Girlfiend, School, Parents, Sports/Hobbles, Heroes, Enemies, Self and Work. They each have their good points, but they ‘areal incomplete in one way or another, and, as 'm about 10 show ‘you, they'll mess you up if you center your life on ther. Luckily, ‘there is one center that you can always count on. We'll eave it for last. Friend-Centered ‘There's nothing better than belonging toa great group of friends and nothing worse than feeling like an outcast. Friends are Important but should never become your center. Why? Well, ‘occasionally they're fickle. Now and then they're fake. Some- times they talk behind your back or develop new friend- ships and forget yours. They have mood swings. ‘They move, ‘In addition, if you base your identity on having friends, being accepted, and being. popula, you may find yourself ompromis- ing your standards o changing’ them every weekend to accommodate your fiend, Teliewe i or not the day will come when friends will not be the biggest thing in your Ife. During high schoo! T hhad a fabulous group of fiends, We did everything together—swam in legal — canals, gorged at all-you-can-eat Duets, waterskied in the dark, dated each ‘other's gitifriends... you name it, Tloved these guys. [fet that we'd be fiend forever. ‘After graduating from high school and moving away, however, I've been amazed at how seldom wesee each other We live far apart, and new felationships jobs, and family take up our Hime. Asa teen, ever could have fathomed ths ‘Make as many frends as you can, but don’t build your life on them. I an unstable foundation. Stuff-Centered Sometimes we see the world dhrough the lons of possessions or “stuié” We live in a material world that teaches us that “He who dies with the most toys wins” We have to have the fastest exe, the nicest clothes, the latest stereo, the best hairstyle, and the many ‘other things that aze supposed to bring us happiness. Possessions ‘also come inthe form of tiles and accomplishments, suck as head ‘cheerleader lend in the play valedictorian, student body officer, ‘chief editor, of MVP. “Theres nothing wrong with accomplishing a enjoying our stl, ‘but we should never center our lives on things, which nthe end have tno laating valtin. Cun confidence needs to come from within, not from,20 TWET Hams oF moh erecrIVE Teens without, from the quality of our hearts, not the quantity of things we ‘wn After al he who cies with the most toys still dies Tonce knew a giel who had the most beautiful and expensive wardrobe I'd ever seen, She seldom wore the same outfit fice ‘Alter getting to know her better, [began to notice that she got much ‘of her self-confidence from her clothes and had. Bad case of “ele vator eyes.” Itseemed that whenever she talked with another gil she'd eye her from head to foot to see iFher outfit was as nice as her ‘own, which usually gave her a superiority complex. She was stuff ‘entored, which was a ral tamofl to me Tread a saying once that says i better than I can: “If who I am is what have an! what [have i ost, then who am I?" Boyfriend/Ginlfriend-Centered ‘This may be the easiost trap ofall to fall into, Cmean, who hasn't ‘been centered on a boyitienl or girlfriend at one point? Les pretend Brady centers his life on his gilfiend, Tasha, Now watch the instability i creates in Brody: NE sane Fi es rai Fd Toe on es Yelet ett Thne my pene "Tahink we shoul date “My if is over. You don't les me ayo.” “The ironic thing is that the more you center your life an some- Apr ‘one, the more unattractive you become to that per son. How's that? Well, fist of all, if you're centered fon someone, you're no longer hard to got. Second, whoa i's tenting when someone builds their entire ‘emotional life around you. Since their secur Sahat hove Somes from You and ot fom within themes and what Ihave is they always need to have those sickening “where lost then cdo we stand! talks. ‘who am ‘Whea Ibegan dating my wife, ane ofthe things ean that attracted me most was that she didn’t center ‘her life on me. I'l never forget the time she turned ‘me down (with a smile and no apology) fora very ‘important date, [loved it She was her own person and had her owen incsbalengli:Hersecudnsnmnindepetinbal Yous can tsully tell when a couple — becomes centered cn eich othe: Kecatse —/ TRACY they ae forever breaking up and getting (THINK YOU) buck together Although their relationship has deteriorated, thele emotional ives and identities ares intertwine that they an never fall et go ofeach other. Believe me, you'l be a better boy friend or girlfriend if you're nat cen- tered on your partner: Independence is more attractive than dependence Uesides, centering your hfe on another dosan't shovr that you love them, only that you're dependent on them. Have as many girlfriends or boy: friends as you'd like, just don't get ob- sessed with or centered on them Because, although there ae exceptions, these rela tionships aze usually about as stable as ayeye, ‘School-Centered Among teens, centering one’s life on School is more common than you might think. Lisa, from Canada, Fegtts sng school centered for so Tongs | have been so ambitious and so shool-centered that | haven't enjeyed my youth, Ie has not ony been unhealthy for myselt—ut its bbaan sash, because al cared about was me and my achievement. ‘Ae a seventh grader was already working as hard 352 college stu- dent, wanted to be a brain surgeon, just because It was the hardest thing | could think of. Fwould getup 9 si every morning al through School and not go to bed before two ait. in ore to achieve fl teachers and peers expected it of me. They would avo be sur prised if cin’ get perfect evades. My parents tried to loser me up, but Iny own expectations were as great as that of teachers and pees. Trealze now that could have accomplished what I wanted with- ‘out trying sa hard, and | could have hed a good time doing It. (Our education is vital to our future and should be a top prloety. ‘Hut we must be careful not to let dean's lists, GPA’, and AP classes take over out lives,School-centered teens often become so obsessed wamamenndapbetgnatin tai hey teeget thal the el pce ot aschoo! is to lean. As thousands of teens have proved, you can do extremely Welln school and still maintain a healthy balance i life ‘Thank goodness our worth isn’t measured by our GPA. Parent-Centered ‘Your parents can be your greatest source of love and guidance andl you should respect and honor them, but centering your life on your parents and living to please them above everything else can become real nightmare. (Don’t tell your parents I said that or they might {ake away your book. ust kidcin) Read what happened to this young, git fom Louisiana | worked so hardall semester |just knew that my parents would be pleased-shc At and one Bs, But al could seein thee eves was sap ointment. dey wanted to koow was why the B+ wasn'tan A, He was {could donot to ay. What did they want from me? That was my sophomore year of hgh School, and I spent the next ‘avo years tying to make my parents proud of me.I played basketball 4nd hoped that they would be proud—they never came to see me play made the honor roll every semester—but after awhile straight ‘AS were jst expected. ! as going 10 goto college tobe a teacher but there was no money in that, and my parents felt that I would be beiter off studying something else—s0 1d. [very dection | made was prefaced with the questionsWhat would Mom ‘nd Dad want me todo? Would they be ‘proud? Would they love me? But no mat ter what di, e was never good enough, 1 sd based my whole ife on the goals and aspirations my parents thought were good, and it n't make me hoppy. | hod lived to please my rents for so long that | felt out of contro. felt ‘worthless, useless, nd unimportant Eventually I realized that my parents! approval wasn't coming, and if didn’ get In ac together | would destroy mysel.1 ‘needed to find a center that was time: fess. unchanging, and realms center that couldnt shout. disapprove, or cit ‘ze 50 started to lve my own ie by the principles that 1 thought would bring me. happiness—tike honesty ahh eeatianciaaaiianss tei in _a happier life, hope forthe future, and belief in my own goodness. In the beginning Isort of had to pretend that ! as strong, but, over 2 ‘period of tie, I became strong. Finally struck out on my own and had 2 falling outwith my folks, butt made them see me fr who I was, and they loved me. They apo! ‘gized forall he pressre they put on me and expressed tei love. a5 ighteen years old before ever remember my dad saying “ove you,” bat they wore the sveetet worcs have ever hear and well worth the wait | ti eave about what my parents think, and am stl influenced by their opinions, but, utimately Ihave bacome responsible for my fe tnd my actions and ty to please myself before anybody es, Other Possible Centers ‘The list of possible centers could go on and on. Sports/hobbis- centered is a big one. How many times have we seen a sports-cen- tered jock build his identity around being a great athlete only Suffer a careerending jury? Ithappers all the time. And the poor uy is left to rebuild his life from Scratch. The same oes for hobbies nd interests, such as dance, debate, drama, music, or clubs. ‘And what about boing liew-centered? If you bulld your life around a movie or rock sae famous athlete, or powerful politician, ‘what happens if they die, do something really stupid, or end up in jail! Where aze you then? ‘Sometimes we can even become enemy-cntered, and build our lives around hating a group, a person, or an idea, like Captain Hook hove entire existence revolved around hating Peter Pan. This is ‘lten the case with gange and with biter divorces. What a warped ‘center this one is! Becoming trk-centered isa sickness that usually afc older peo- plebut ean also each tens, Workaholism s usually driven by a com- pulsive need to have more stuf like money, cars, tats, or recogni Fon which feeds us fora seascr but doesn't ever flly satis. “another common center is belng slfcenterel, or thinking the world revolves around you and your problems. This often results in hing so worried about your own condition that you're oblivious to the walking wounded al around you. [As you can see, all these and many more lfe-centers do not ro- vide the staiity that you and T need in life. Tm not saying we Shouldn't strive to become excellent in something like dance ot Achate, or strive to develop outstanding relationships with our friends and parent. We shoul But theresa fine line between hav- ing passion for something and basing your entire existence on it. ‘Ana that’s the line we shouldn't cross. 2Principle-Centered—The Real Thing Incase you were stating to wonder, there isa center that actually ‘works. What is? (Drumrol, please.) I's being prinipl-centered. ‘Weare all familiar with the effects of gravity: Throw a ball up and it comes down. I's a natural law or principle. Just as there are Principles that rule the physical world, there are principles that tule the human world. Principles aren’t religious. They aren't ‘American or Chinese. They aren't mine of yours. They aren't up for discussion. They apply equally to everyone, rich or poor, king ‘or peasant, male of female. They can't be bought o sold. If you live by them, you will excel. 1 you break them, you wil fail (hey. ‘that sorta’ chymes). If’ that simple Hire are a few examples: Honesty is a principle. Service is a principle. Love is a principle. Hard work isa principle. Respect sralitude, moderation, faimess, integrity loyalty, and responsibility fre principles, These are dozens and dozens more, They are not hard to identify. Just as a compass always points to tre north, your heat will recognize tru prineiples. For example, think about the principle of hard work, If you haven't pald the price, you may be able to get by fora while, but eventually i'l eatch up to yo | remember one time being invited to play in a golf tournament with my college football coach, Fle ~ was a great golfer, Everyone, including my coach, ‘expected that I'd be a fine golfer as well. After all Twas a college athlete and all college ge athletes should be great golfers. Right? Wrong. You see,Tstunkat golf. 'd ‘only played a fee times in my life, and I didn’t leven know how to hold a club propery. Twas nervous about everyone finding out how bad I was a golf, specially my coach. So [ was hoping that I could fool hia and everyone ese jto thinking 1 was ‘good. On the very fist hole there was a ‘small crowd gathered around. I was first up to tee off Why me? As [stepped ‘upto hit the bal, prayed for a miracle. Suuoonoossssshiih. It worked! A mizale! I couldn't believe i! 1 had hita long shot, straight down the middie ofthe fairway. turned around and smiled to the crowd and acted as if 1 always hit lke tha. "Thank you, Thank you very mach” Thad them all fooled. But I was only fooling myself because here wer 1774 mor ales tog Th fat boon aout fe ior shot for everyene eu id my conch eae that as» complte golf ner. twas lng un he conch os tying tochow mow to swing the club Been expened Ove Earcan' fake plying gel tuning speaking Arabic ifyou avert pid the pace fo pt goed. Thor's no shotet Har woke prinaple Ashe NBA get Lary Bird putt you dont {Go your homework, you won make your re ows Ce et aes a Ie takes faith to live by principles, especially when you see people close to you get ahead in life by lying, cheating, indulging, manip. lating, and serving only themselves, What you don't se, however, is that beaking principles altays catches up to them in the end. Take the principle of honesty. If you're a big lar, you may be able to get by Tora while, even fora few years. But you'd be hard pressed to find a liar who achieved success over the long ful Ks Cecil B. DeMille observed about his classic movie The Ten as26 THE waar oF stony rreervETEENE Commandments, “es seaposiie for us to break the Iw. We ean nly break ourselves againet the ave” Unlike all the other centers we've looked at, principles will never fail you. They will never talk Behind your bac They dont fet up and move. They don't sufer carcerending injuries. They ddan play favorites based on skin color, gender, wealth or body features. A pincipe-centere lies simpy the most table, immov- 25k, uta oundaton you can ut upon a well nd Tp grasp veh principles aivays work jst imagine living life bused on tel opponltes feof dishonesty, losing, indulgence, ingratitude, selfshness, and hate I cant imagine any good thing coming ow ofthat. Can you? cae Tronially, putting principles fist isthe key “a: to doing beter in all he other centre. I you live é the principles of service, expec, and love, for tis impossble In the upcoming chapters, you'll discover that each of the 7 Habits i based upon a basic principle or two, Ancl that’s where they get theie power from. “The long and short of itis principles ru COMING ATTRACTIONS Up nex well talk aboue how to get china way ou ‘probably never thougnt of So carry on! a instance, you're likely to pick up more friends and be a more stable boyfriend or giltiend. Putting for usto break the principles first is also the key to becoming a per flaw. We can only Eon of characte break ourselves Decide today to make principles you lie-enter aguinst he lav orpradig. in whatever atuation you find yours AWord About Que of my family’s favorite movies is What eeyagimas ss "Wali the principle in ply her?” Fa every Baby Steps about Bot? starring Bill Murray. and Richard problem, search fo the principle tht wil slve it If you're feeling wom out and beaten up by life, perhaps you should try the principe of bale. Ifyou find no ane truss you, the principle of honesty might just be the cure you need. pie ag ent ee i yy enthepe ciple in pay: One of two brothers fighting inthe same company in France fll by a German bullet The one who escaped asked permission of his officer to go and bring his brother in. “He is probably dead,” said the office, “and there is no use in {yur risking your ife to bring inh bod.” ‘But after further pleading the officer consented. Just a the zol- ther reached the lines with his brother en his shoulders, the wounded ‘man dled. “There ou se,” sid the officer, “you raked your if for nothing.” “No replied Tom. did what he expected of me, and have my ‘reward, When I crept up to him and took him in my arms, he sac, “Worm Chore yo trawl ante fut Sole ct ea Dreyfuss Its the story ofa dysfunctional, phobia-laden, immature, ppea-brained leech amed Bob who never, ever goes away. He ttaches himself to Dr- Marvin, a renowned psychiatrist, who wants nothing more than to pet rd of Bob and finaly gives him a book he ‘wrote called Baby Stops, He tells Bob that the est way to solve his problems isnot to bite of oo much af once but to just take “baby eps” to reach his goals. Bob is delighted! He no longer has ‘worry about how to get all he way home from Dz. Marvin's office, ‘big task for Bob. Instead, Bob only has to baby tcp his way out of the office, and then baby step his way onto the elevator, and so on, S50'll give you some baby steps the end of each chapter, stat- ‘ng with this nasal, easy steps that you can do immediately to help you apply what you just read. Though smal, these steps cen ‘become powerful tolsin helping you achieve your larger goals. $0, come along with Bob (he really becomes very likable after you “vcopt the fact that you can’t shake him) and take some baby steps.Py —s60—— & “The net time yu look inthe mirror say something posive about youre ‘Show appraiation for someone's pont of view ‘ody. say something ike "Hey thats 2 cool ea” “Think of limiting paradigm you might have of youre, such ‘asm nat outgoing.” Now, do something today that totaly ‘entries that parocigm, “Think of» loved one o¢ coe friend who has been acting out (of character lately, Consider what might be exusng ther to Sct chat way, © @6080 + |When you have nothing to do, what is it that occupies your ‘thoughts? Remember, whatever most important to you will become your paracigin or lfe canter ‘wnat occupies my time and energy? ‘Te Golden Rule rues! Segin today to teat others ‘you would nant them {o Yeet you. Don tbe impatient complain about leftovers, or bad-mouth someone, unles you wart the same treatment Sometime soon, find a quiet place where you can be atone. ‘Thank about what matters most you Lsten carefully to the is ofthe musicyou listen ‘to most Frequently Evaluate if they are harmony ‘with the principles you belive i ‘When you do your chores st home or work tonight. try aut the principle of hard work. Go the extra mile and do more than i pected 696000 6 ‘The net time you're in @ tough situation and don't know what to 10 ask yours, "What principle shoud | apply (ie, honesty, love, Toyalty, hard work, patience)?” Now, follow the prince ad dor took back. PART II The Private Victory ‘The Personal Bank Account ‘Starting with the Mare in the Mirvor Habit 2—Begin with the End in Mind Contral Your Oxo Destiny or Someone Else Will Habit 3—Put First Things First Will and Won't PowerThe Personal Bank Account STARTING WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR Before yout ever win in the public arenas of life, you aust first win private bottes within younsaf Al change begin with you Tl never foget how Tlearne this lesson. What's wrong with you? You're disappointing me. Where's the ‘sean Tonce knew in high school?” Coach glared at me. "Do you ‘oven want to be out there?” Twas shocked. "Yes ofcourse.” "Oy give me a brea, You're ast going dough the motions and ‘your heat’ not in it. You beter got your act together or the younger {terbacks wll pase you up and youinever play here” Tt was my sophomore year at Brigham Young University (YU) luring preseason football Camp. Coming out of high schoo, 1 was recruited by several colleges Dut chose BYU because they Thad tration of producing, all American quarterbacks ike JimMcMlahon ana Steve Young, bath of wha went or w the pros and led ther teams 1 SuperBowl victories Although Twas the Hie-sring quae backatthe time, wanted tobe } the next all American!2 ‘Wen Coach told me that Iwas stinkin’ up dhe fl" it ame ava hastap nthe ae, The thing that realy bugged me 25 that he wos ight ven though Teas spending long hows practic: ing. wasn't truly comand was holding back and [kev Thal a hard ection fo make~I had ether quit football or triple my commitment, Over the next several weeks, waged a war {nig my head and came ficet-face With any fears and self ddoubl, Bid | have what i tok to be the starting. quarterback? Could handle the peste? Was T big, enough? It soon became Sica ome that L wae scared, scared of competing, scared of being {nthe light, scared of trying and perhaps fang, And all these {ears were holding me back from giving ty Tread a pest quote by Amold Bennet that describes what 1 finally decided to do about my dilomma. He wrote, "The ral {raged Is the tragedy ofthe man who never ins ie braces him- saforhis one supreme efforhe never teches this fall cpa. ipemever stands upto Nef stature” Having never enjoyed tage decided to brace myself or one supreme son. 50 I commited (0 give itmy all decided fo stop Feldingack ant allen he ine Ta tkeow i would ever i Seta chace tobe fi sting, buf det, ent was going fo tke cut winging B- ‘No one heard me ay, “I commit” crregesy¢ There was no applause. was simply & Teresi vopes ate gi and wen de ny thetragedy of the Gin mind over a perio of several weeks ‘man who never in his ‘Once [committed myself, everything, fe braces himeelf change began taking chances and make forhisone supreme °—ingbigimprovements on the ik. fy heat othe eners ——Wasini And the cos fook atic stretches to his full ‘As the season began and the games crpadte eeser cand, {| ‘ole by ane by one, [sat on the bench up toi fl stature ‘Although festrated, kept working hard and kept improving, Midseason featured the big game of the year. We were to play nationally ranked Air Force on ESPN, in front of (65,000 fans. A week before the game, Coach called me into his fffce and told me that I would be te starting quarterback. Gulp! Needles to say, that was the longest week of my life ‘Game day finally arived, At kickoff my mouth was so dry 1 could barely talk But aftera few mites Isetled clown and led our a ore et wns even named the ESPN Player of the we rncanns ane ACCOUNT 33 Afterward, lots of people congratulated me on the victory and my performance. That was nice But they didn’t really understand. ‘They didn’t know the weal story. They thought that victory had taken place on the fed that day inthe public eye, new it hap- pened months before in the privacy of my own head, when | 'ecidec 4 Face my fears, to stop holding back, and to'brace Ai FORGET ysl for one supreme effort. Beating Air Force was 3 much tasirchallege than overcoming mysell. Private victo- ‘es always come before public vietores As the saying pes, "We have met the enemy and he is us.” Do SOME Atceeral INsibe OUT We crawl before we walk. We learn arithmetic before algebra. We must fx ‘ourselves before we can fix others. IF ‘you want to make a change in your life the place to begins with yourself, not with your patents, ar your beyfrend, or your professor. {All change begins with you. I's inside out. Not outside in. Tam reminded ofthe writings of an Anglican bishop: Wher Tams young and fre and my sagination had no ts T reamed of hanging te wre; As I gieooder aed ser velo the ‘worl would not change And | decided to shorten my sights somewhat and chenge only my country. ‘But 0 seemed inonooabe As Lentred my flight years, on ast ‘desperate tiem, sug fo change only my family, those loses to me but als they would have none of ‘Aad koe Tie on muy det bed and tealze perhaps forthe first time) hat ‘only 4 aged myself, then by ‘example Tay have influenced my family ra with ther encouragement ‘and support Tay have beltred my ‘ture and wh kno Fay ae bargained:‘This is what this booki all about. Changing fom the inside out, starting with the man or woman inthe mitt. This chapter ("The Personal Bank Account”) and the ones that follow on Habits 1,2, and 3 deal with you and your character, or the private victory. The ‘ext four chapters, “The Relationship Bank Account,” and Habits 4, 5, andl 6 deal with relationship, or the public victory ‘Before diving into Habit 1 Jets take a look at how youcan immedi- ately begin to bud your seiconicence ad achieve a private veto: The Personal, Flow you fe att ear Bosckecoune Eo oat ae tatty fs et A) feel amg ees Seeger cs warren Be Sratvee SECS oan en oeatea. cetera simran ere eptahtepence bel ted imho ace ects ew jour PBA? How auch tc enn bne yo a abaaietape nese mesa eka nice ota '* You cave in to peer pressure easily. + You srrestle with felings of depression and inferiority + You're overly concerned about what others think of You * You act arrogant to help hide your insecurities + You self-destruct By geting heavily into drugs, pomography, vandalism, or gangs. ‘You get jealous easily, especially when someone close o you succeeds, ble Symptoms of s Healthy PBA * You stand up for yourself and resist peer pressure. * You're not overly concerned about being popular * You see life asa generally positive experience + You trust yoursel. * You are goal driven ‘0 ou ais Sapepyihe thiennatemnctcitiiil If your personal bank account is low, don't get discouraged about it Just start today by making $1, $5, $10, or $25 deposits Eventually you'l get your confidence back. Small deposits over & long period of time isthe way #0 healthy and rich PBA. ‘With the help of various ten groups, I've compiled alist of six hey deposits that can help you build your PBA. Of course, with ‘every deposit there is an equal and opposite withdraws ‘Keep promises to yourself Break personal promises Dosmallactsofkindness Keep to yourself Be gentle with yourself Beat yourself up Be honest Be dishonest Renew yourself Wear yourself out ‘Top into your talents Neglect your talents KEEP PROMISES TO YOURSELE Have you ever had friends or roommates who seldom come through? They say they'll call you and they don’t. They promise to pick you up forthe game and they forget. After a while, you don’t trust ther “Their commitments mean nothing. The same thing occurs when you continuslly make and break selt-promises, such 25 “Tm going 10 get ‘up at six tomorrow morning” af “I'm going to get my homework done right when I get hame” After a while, you don't trust yourself ‘We should treat the commitments we make to ourselves as seri- ‘ously as those we make to the most important people in our lives. It You feeling out of canto! in le, focus on the single thing you can ‘ontrol—yourself. Make a promise to yourself and keep it Start with ‘eal small $10 commitments that you know you can complete, ike commiting to ext healthier today: After you've built up some self trust, you can then go for the more dificult $100 deposits such as iin to breakup with an abusive Boyfsend oF not ey hoing after your sister for wearing your new clothes. Do SMALL ACTS OF KINDNESS 1 remember reading a statement by a psychiatrist who said that i you eras dichdapebaenpthatonst @:tog tn do te tnionencnatiing fosomeone else. hy? Because it gets you focused outward ntnwaed [Ws han to be depresed while serving somone ele. onal by product of helping oles eling wonderful youre. remember ating inanaleport oe da, wating fo my Aight. was excited because Thad been upgreded 0a fistlas cet. And Init clas the seats are biget the food is eb and the fight tenants are actly rice. Ifo Thad the best seat onthe entire plane Seat LA Before baring, note a young lay who had sy fal carry-on bags and was holding a crying baby. Having just n= {sted eading a Book on doing random aes of kines, Theat my iconslence speak tome, "You scumbag, Let hherhave your ticket” fought these prompt- ing fora while but eventsaly caved in “use me, but yt lock ike you could tse this fratclansHckst more than me 1 Ienow hove hard it can be fying wth fads Why don't you lt me trade you tskats” "sane you sure?” “Oh yeah Tally don’t mind. os jst sping o be working the whole ne anyway” “Wall, thank you. That's very kind of you she sid as we swapped tickets. ‘As we board the plane, Twas suc- prised at how good itmade me eel to watch hersit down in seat LA Infact under the citcumstances, seat 248 oF ‘wherever the heck Iwas sitting didn't seem that bad a all. At one point Sing he fight I eas 20 cueous see how she was dong that cou haa stand it So got up out of my seat walked the first-class section, and peeked in trough the can that separates fit class from coach. Mere she was with her baby, both asp in ‘gan conforiabe wt 1A. And Ti ik aon bch ey Cia cing ve gt to kop doing this Kilo hing “This sweet story shared by a toon named Taw is another ‘example of the joy of eres: There isa git in our neighborhood who lives in a duplex with her parents and they don't have a lot of money For the past three years, ‘when | grew out of my clothes, me and my ron took them over to her {Fd say something ike “I thought you might like these." oF“ ke 10 80 you wearing thi.” ‘When she wore something I gave her, think it was really ool Sine would say, “Thank you so much forthe new shirt.” reply. “That ‘colar fooks really good on yout" 1 tried to be sensitive so that ! didn’t ‘make her fel bad, oF give her the impression that | thought she was poor It makes me feel good, knowing that I'm helping her have 2 Dettori Go out of your way to say hello to the mest lonely person yout know, Write a thankyou note to someone who has male a differ cence in your life, like a friend, teacher, or coach, The next time you're aia tll booth, pay for the ear behind you. Giving gives life hot only to others but also to yourself. 1 love these lines from The Man Nobody Knows by Bruce Barton, which lustrate this point so well ‘There are {0 Seas In Palestine. One is fosh, and fish aro in It Splashes of geen adorn is banks. Tees spread ther branches over it nd stretch out their thirsty roots to sip ofits healing waters. The River Jordan makes this sea with sparkling water from the ‘ills So tTaughs inthe sunshine. And men bull their houses neat it ‘nd birds thet nests: and every kind of ei happier because ti ther The River Jordan flow on south into anther so, Hore sa splash of fish, no Futtering leat, no song of birds no chil en's laughter. Travelers choose another route, unless on urgent busi nes. The air hanes heavy above ies water, and nether man ner beast ‘nor foe wil drink. ‘hat makes this mighty difference in these neighbor seas? Not the ‘iver Jordan. itempties the same good water into both. Not the sil in which they lies natin the country round about. This the difference, The Sea of Galle receiver but doas not keep the Jordan. For every drop that flows into it another drop lows out The giving and receiving go on in equal measure. The ather sa is shrewee, hoaraing ts income jealously. twill not ‘be tempted into ary generous impulse. Every drop it gets, keeps. The Sea of Galilee gives and lives. This other sea gives nothing, Its named the Dead. There are two kinds of peopl In this word. Thee are two seas in Palestine. Be GENTLE WITH YouRsELF Being gentle means many things, It means not expecting yourself to be perfect by tomorrow morning, If you're alate bloomer, and many ‘of us are be patient and give yourslt time to grow. Tt means Tearing to laugh atthe stupid things you do. Thave a Selendis teheyinieetannelitneny scham it onsien te mashing8 athimealfand never taking life too seriously. I've alwaysbeen amazed {at how this hopeful atiuce of his attracts sends by the score. Being gentle also means forgiving yourself when you mess up, “And who hasn't done that? We should leaen ftom our mistakes, bit Wwe shouldn't beat the tar out of ourselves over them. The past ijust that, past. Learn what went wrong and why. Make amends if you need to. Then deop it and move en. Throw thar voodoo doll eut, with the trash, “One ofthe keys to happiness,” says Rita Mae Brown, “is a bad emery.” ‘A hip at sea for many years picks up thousands of bamacles that attach themselves to the bottom of the ship and eventually Weigh st down, becoming a threat to is safety. Such a ship ulti- mately needs ts harnacles removed, and the least expensive and ‘easiest Way is for the ship to harbor in a freshwater port, fee of tio ‘salt water. Soon the barnacles become : Joose on their own and fal off The ship £ is then able to retum to sea relieved of itp burden ‘Azo you carrying around bamacles {nthe form of mistakes, regrets, and pain from the past? Perhaps. you need to allow yourself to soak in fresh water for ‘while. Letting go of a burden and flving yourself @ second. chance may just be the deposit you need right now. ‘Truly “leaming o love yours.” as Whitney Houston sings, “is the greatest love ofall” Always be a fistrate version of yoursel, Instead of a second- rate version of somebody alse BE Honest Hooked wp the word honest in my synonym finder the other day tnd these are afew of the synonyms T ound: upstanding, incor riptible, mora, principled, trath-loving, steadfast, tre, real, ight, 00d, straight shooting, gensine. Nota bad set of words to be asso. lated with, don't you think? Honesty comes in many forms. First there's self-honesy. Is what people see the genuine artle or do you appear through smoke and mirrors? I find thet if 'm ever fake andl try to be some thing I'm not, [feel unsure of myself and make a PBA witheraval ove how singer judy Garland put it, “Always be a first-rate ver~ ‘doeiclyc.andl rated c's euciee.ctia winery don ‘Then there's honesty in our actions. Are you honest at school, with your parents, ad ‘vith your bas? If you webeen dishonest inthe past and [think we all have ty being nest, nd notice how suhole it makes. you fe Remember, you cant do wrong and feel right ‘This story by Jeff isa good example ofthat: In my sophomore year, there were three ‘las in my geometry cass who didn’t do woll in math. was really good 2t it | would ‘charge them three dollars for each test that ‘helped them pass. The tests were multiple ‘choice, 50 "d write on a litle ny piece of oper all the right answers, and hand them off ‘At fist fle ike | was making money, kind ofa nice job. | wasn" thinking about how it could hurt all of us. After 9 while | realized 1 shouldn'tdo that anymore, because wasn't realy helping them. They weren't Jeaming anything, and it would only get harder down the ‘oud Chatng cra washing me. It takes courage to be honest when people all around you are getting away with cheating on tess, lying to their parents, and Stealing at work. But, remember, every act of honesty is a deposit into your PBA and will build strength. As the saying goes, "My Strength i asthe strength often because my heart is pure” Honesty is always the best policy, even when isnot the rend, RENEW YounseLe You've gotta take time for yourself, to renew and to relax, If you don’t, you'll lose your 2st for life ‘You might be familar with the movie The Secret Gardes, based ‘on the book of the same tite I's story about a young giel named Mary’ who goes to live with her wealthy nele after her parents are killed in an accident. Her uncle has become cold and withdrawn since the death of his wife several years earlier. Inan effort to escape Ins past, he now spends most of his time traveling abroad, He has 2 son Who is miserable, sickly, and confined to a wheslchait, The boy lives in a dark room in the vast mansicn, ‘Alter living in these depressing conditions for some time, Mary lscovers a beautiful, overgrown garden nearby the mansion that aeleeeeindsatiitadicdin a demmadineanei de 38Degins to visit the garden daily to escape her surroundings. Tt ‘becomes her place of refuge, her secret garden. {snot long before she begins to bring her crippled cousin tothe ‘garden, The beauty ofthe garden seems to cast a spel on him, for he learns to walk agnin and regsine his happiness. One day, Mary's ‘withdrawn unde, upon returning from a tip, overhears someone laying in the forbidden gerden and angrily mishes to see who i ‘Could be. To his surprise, he se0s his son, out of his wheelchair, Taughing and frolicking inthe garden, He is ro overcome with sar prise and joy that he bursts into tears and embraces his Son forthe first time in years. The beauty and magic of the garden brought this family together aguin. ‘We all need a place we ean eseape to, a sanctuary of somesort, where we can renew our spirits And itdeest't Ihave to be a rose garden, mountaintop, or beachfront Ik ‘can bea bedroom or even a bathroom, just a place to be alone. Theodore, from Canada, had his hideout ener woul get to sresed ov or when as not grog tng wth pret woud it 90 ne Besamen rere nas hetero aba onda con eile on huh caus akscurny teeters would $atitooe etal for haan bourse bce opto reese ald wonder fo ny ty game, ba Be escvn ter tr my tamtyriooonhpa QD ‘ran od ee about i reuge. Whenever he goto tres cut he would spo is high ot ange our tush ck deur Altlne in th ui dar ad spoius aula, seco pctonay rol he bust havea food ry art la ‘Ae four a guden all her ov ‘My dad died In an industrial accident at work when 1 nas litle. | really dont know the deals because I have always Been afraid to ask ‘my mother very many questions about f- Maybe fs Because have cre- Sted this perfect piture of him in my mind that Idan" want to change. ‘To me he is this perfect human being who would protect me i he was ere. He swith me al the ine In my troughs, and | imagine how he would act and help me ifhe was here. When [realy need him go to the top ofthe slide atthe loca grade school playground: I hove ths sly feling that if | an go to tho high ‘ext place! wil beable to fee! him. So! climb upto the top ofthe side aad kien ethan. Atal taht eetaeE Riese o:my mind! want him to touch me, but of course krow that he can- ‘not | go there every vime something really is bothering me and [ust sine my burdens with him, Besides finding a place of refuge, there are so many other ways to renew yourself and build your PBA, Fxercise can do it like going for ‘walk, running, dancing, or punching a bag, Some teens have sug jested watching old movies, playing a musical instrument, Singer painting of talking o frends who uplift you. Numerous others ave Found that writing in ther journals does wonders to help them cope. Habit7, Sharpen the Saw, all about taking time to renew Your body, hear; mind, and soul Wel tak more about i when We get there. So hold your horses. “Ta INTO YOUR TALENTS Finding and then developing. talent, hobby, for special interest can be one of the single ‘greatest deposits you can make into your PBA. ‘Why ist that when we think of talents we Unk i terms of the “traditional” high-profile Taleo, such as the athlete, dancer, or award- winning scholar? The tuth i, alent come ina ‘orety of packages. Don't think small. You may have a ack for reading, writing, or speaking, You may have agit for boing creative, being, fat Tearner, or being, accepting of ‘thers You may have organizational, musi, or edershp sil It ‘dasa mater where your talent may ie, whether’ inches, ‘drama, or butterfly collecting, when you do something you Tike doingand have a talent fori extlarating W's form of velFexpression, And as this gil attests it builds eateem. ‘You might die laughing when | ell you that | havea real talent ane! Jove for weed. And fm 90t talking about the kind you smoke but weeds and flowers that grow everywhere | eallzed that | always no- "iced them, while others ast wanted them cut down. ‘So [started picking them and presing them—and eventually mak- Ing beautiful petures and postards and art objects with them. 1 have ‘been able to cheer up many 2 sad soul with ane of my personalized ‘ards. am often asked to do arangements of flowers for others and to share my knowledge of preserving prested plants Hs given me 50 NEw MUCH oy and contidence— just krowing Ihave the speci! gift citemreiidiebeiaides weitnennieteners nahn 42 9085 beyond that—its tought me that if there Iso much to just simple ‘weeds, ow mach more is thereto almost everything else in Ife? Its ‘made me look deeper It makes me an explorer And | actualy am ust {normal young gil. My botherinaw, Beye, told me how developing a talent hip ul his seleconficence an Sind a carer in which he could Taka ference His sory inset inthe Toon mourn range hat Sheesh above the pains of Idaho and Wyoming. The Grand “onthe tlet ofthe Ton pe, jas 1576 fet above sea level "As young bey, Byes ha the piture-peret baseball wing Ln his tage acedent. While playing with «BB gun one day, Bryce accidentally shot himosf inthe eye. Fearing that surgery tight permanenty impair hi vision, the doctors if the 8B in feeye Months later when Bryce returned to baseball, he began ti ing out each ine abt, He had lost his depth perespton and ch of his visi in one eye and cull no longer jg the Kall. Sid Beye, Twas all-star player the yer before and now eon Tit the ball Twas convinced that | would never beable todo aay= thing agin rw a big blow to my confidence” yee’ two older bothers were good atso many things, and he wondered what he could o nom gen his new handicap Since fe ved eat the Teton he decided fo give climbing a fy. S0 he dropped by the local Amy’store nd bought non rope, czshiner halls, phone and other climbing necesites He checkout climbing books and studied how He fot, hook up a hammss, Slappa Hi fist rea chibing experiance was appoing of is fend Soon hebegan cinbing omecf tramalle: peaks sSurtounding the Gand Teton ‘Daye soon realized that he had a knack fr it. Unlike many of his climbing pares, his body was stong and lightweight and Scere tobe perety but for rock climbing ‘After training for several months, Bryce finally climbed the Grand Teton ly himset Tetook him two days. Reaching this goal tras grea confidence builder ‘Cimbing partners were hard to come by, Bryce began tain ingen hs own ie wold deve tthe Tetons ron tothe bse oF ‘he timp, do the climb, and ranc own. Fe di hs so often he bocame very good at One day rend offs, Kim, si “Hey, You ought go ater the record onthe Grand Teton ‘He'tld ryce all about st A climbing ranger named Jock Pi isectpe narnia rien a We rencona, save acount 48 beck in four hours and eleven minutes. “That's absolutely imposs- ble thought Bryce. “Vd Uke to meet this guy someday.” But as Bryce continued to do these types of runs, his times became faster and Kim kept saying, "You must go after the ecard. I know you could doit” ‘On one occasion, Bryce finally met Jock, the superhuman with the insurmountable record. Bryce and Kim were sitting in Jock’s fent when Kim, a well-known climber imelf, ssid to Jock, "This guy here is thinking about going after yous record.” Jock gazed at bryce's 125 pound frame and laughed sloud,a83fto say, "Geta clue, you litle runt.” Bryce fet devastatod but quickly gathered himeol. ‘And Kim kept affinming him: "You can doit. know you can doit?” Early in the morning on August 26, 1981, carrying a small ‘orange backpack and a light jacket, Bryce ran to the top of the Grand and back in three hours, forty-seven minutes, and four sec- ‘onds. Fe stopped only torce: once to take rocks Out of his shoes and we 10 sign the register atthe summit to prove he had been there e felt marvelous! Fle had actually broken the record! acts, BP MY he A few years later, Bryce received a surprise call from Kim, “Bryce, have you heard? Your record has just been broken.” Of course, he added, "You need to got it back. I know you can do it” A ‘man named Creighton King, who had recently won the heralded Pike's Peak Marathon in Colorado, dashed tothe top and back in three hours, thirty minutes, and nine seconds. (On August 26, 1989, two years after his last assault on the mountain, and ten days after hs record had been broken, Bryce stood in the Lupine Meadows parking lot atthe base ofthe Grand Teton in brand-new running shoes, ready and eager to Break King’s record. With him were friends, family Kim, and a crew from the local television station to film his run. ‘As before, he knew the hardest part ofthe climb would be the ‘mental aspect. He didn’t want to become one ofthe two oF three ‘who die each year while attempting to scale the Grand, Sportswriter Russell Weoks describes running the Grand as follows: "From the parking lot you face a run of about nine or den Elia fe eee, fends Reena,‘ bec aa“ moraines, two saddles, @ gap between two peaks and a 700-foot self-esteem, It was my way oF expressing mysel.” “Today, Bryce is founder and president ofa very successful com- pany that makes high-performance backpacks for climbers and {ountain runners, Most important, Beyce is making a living doing ‘what he loves to do and what he is good et and has used his talent to bese his life andthe Kives of many others ‘Oh, by the way, the record stl stands. (Now, don’t et any wild Jdeas.) And Bryce stil has that BD in his eye So, my friends, if you need a shot of confidence, start making some deposits into your PBA starting today. You'l eel the results instantly. And, remember, you don’t have to climb a mountain 10 make a deposit, There ae a million and one safer ways. COMING ATTRACTIONS Up ahead wel alk about the many ways in which you and your dog are diferent. Read on and youl oe whae | mean! eo fo) ieee ry Cee eres ans aE Ce al 2 batch of laundry, or fading a book for an Englah assignment Decide when you wil dit. Now, Kaep your word and gat it one. Do Random Acts of Service Sometime today, do kind anonymous deed, ike writing a thank-you note taking out the Wash, ‘or making someones bed Look around and find something you can do to make a difference, like cleaning up a park in your neighborhood, volunteering in Senior etzens cantar, or reading to someone who can. ‘ap Into Your Talonts Lista talent you would like to develop this year. Write dawn spect stops to go there. Talent | want to develop this yaar How do! get there Make a ist ofthe talents you most admire in ther people, Peso: Talents admire: 6Ae THE HRs OF one ere TEENS TAA 3 AATF Be Gentle with Yours ! f ~ @ Think about on aes of fe you fel interior in. Now breathe desply and tall yoursaf, "ts not the end ofthe world.” Ty to go an entire day without negative se talk Each time You catch yourselt putting Yyoutselt dawn, you have io replace it with RR {hres positive thoughts about yourset. Ronow Yourself {© Desi ona fun acini that wl if your spits and do today. For example, turn up the music nd dance, @ Feeling emnaraie Get up vine how and go for a fast walk around the block Be Honest @ Tie nent time your parents ak you about what youre doing, share the complete story. Dont leave out information meant to milead or deceive (© Fore day, try not to exaggerate or embelis48 THEY Masts OF cnr eeecrveTEENE Growing tp: tone ws at tne ob pan My Becse ry dad always nace ne tale responslty for everything in my if ‘Whenever I said something like “Dad, my girfriend makes me s0 mad,” without fal Dad would come back with: “Now come on, Sean, no one can make you mad unless you let them. I your choice. You choose tobe mad.” OrifTsaid, “My new biology teecher stinks, 'm never going to learn a thing,” Dad would say, "Why don't you g0 to your teacher and give him some sugges tions? Change teachers. Get a rotor if you. have to, [f you don’t lear biology, Sean, is your own fault, not your teacher's People are just about as hapey_ 25 they make up ther mied e He never let me of the hook. He was pangs rice always challenging me, making sure that T never blamed someone else for the way 1 acted. Luckily my mom let me blame other people and ‘hings for my problems or I might have turmed out peycho. Toften screamed back, "You' se wrong, Dad! I dida’t choose 1 be mad. She MADE, MADE, MADE me madi Just get off my back and Teave me alone.” ‘You see, Dad's idea that you are responsible for your life was hard medicine for me to swallow as a teenager. But, with hind- Sight, [see the wisdom in what he was doing. He wanted me to Jean that there are two types of people inthis wotld—the proac- tiveand the reactive—those who take responsibility for thet lives and those who blame; those who make it happen and those who et happened to abit 1, Be Proactive isthe key to unlocking all the other habits and that's why it comes first. Habit 1 says "Lam the force. Lam the ‘aplain of my life can choose my attitude. 'm responsible for my ‘own happiness or unhappiness. Iam in the deiver's seat of my des Siny, not fast a passenger” Being proactive isthe first step toward achieving the private victory. Can you imagine doing algebra before learning, adaition ‘and subtraction? Not gonna happen. The same goes for the 7 Habits. You can't do habits 2,3, 4 5,6, and 7 before doing Habit 1 ‘That's because until you feel you are in charge of your own life, nothing else is really possible, now, is it? Hmmm Proactive or Reactive. ach day you and T have about the Chotes Ievours ” Btntel Qaane whee tbe eee ere Sr eae ee ee ener = ee eam et ames oe Soe ar hatae mania Deseete earners ae a eee stig Me eases Scene tere eer eras a ee eee rere my bo heyaconol ws te tosea Uae Reactive a Proscive Scene One: You overhear your bestfriend bac-mouthing you in front of a group, She doeen’t know you overheard the conversation. Just five minutes ago, this same Friend was sweet-talking you to your face You fel hurt and betrayed, ”Reactive choices ‘Tell her ff Then hit hes * Gointoa deep depression because you feel sobad about what she sai, * Decide that she's two-faced ar and give her the silent treat= ment fortwo months. + Spread vicious rumors about her. After Proactive choices Forgive her 4 Confront her an stmly share hove you fel. ‘Ignore it and give her scond chance, Realize that she has ‘weaknesses fant like you and that ccasionally. you lk Behind her bck without relly meuing any hah she did it to you. Scene Two: You've been working at your jb in the store for over a year now and have been extremely commited and dependable, Three ‘months ogo, 8 now employee joined the crew: Recenly he was {ee ott Satay afernoon shi he shi you wer hop ib Reactive choices * Spend half your waking hous complaining to everyone and their dog about how unit this detsion wes + Scrunize the new employes an find hi every weakness ‘Became convinced your supervisor has formed a cenapiacy and i out io get you + Bogin to lack off while working your shit Proactive choices ‘Tuk with your supervisor about why the new employee got the beter sit if are + Continue to bes hard-working employe. + Learn what you can do to improve your performance, + Ifyou determine you are ina dead-end Jb, begin looking for ar as roncroe 5 ListEN To YouR LANGUAGE ‘ou can usally hear the difference batween proactive and reactive people by the ype of language they use Reactive language usually Sounds ke this "That's me That's just the way Lam.” What they're really say~ ing im not response for the wy Tc. can ange Tans rede termina ob this oe. I my boss wast such a jerk, things would be diferent" What theyte realy Saying My bass theese of my prob dems, not me “Thanks aot. You ust ruined my da.” What eye really sayings a nar inl ofmy oer mons. You se “agony tended a dierent schoo had bette fend, made more money. lived ina ferent apastnent, ha 8 boyliend hen I be app” What they erally ying Pn incor Inlefny oun lppcs, “Bigs” ae. ©, {teething 0 eae ‘Notice that reectve languoge takes power away trom you and ives # to Something or someone elie As my fiend Jolin Bytheway explains in his book Wha! 1 Wisk Td Keown in High Sooo, when you're reactive i's ike giving someone else the remote contra to your fe and saying, “Here, change my tmood anytime you wish” Proactive language, onthe other hand, puts the remote contol back into your own hands. You ae then free to ehooee which channel you Want t Deon CANT HELP 17, MOM..1TS Just THE WAY T AM Hit it ‘Team do better than that ‘Theres nothing Lean do Le’ look at al xr options Thave to choose to eat ‘Then’ gota bea ey Tim no going oe your ta mot ri fon me You ruined my dayBy ‘THe VicriMTis ViRUS Some people suffer from a contagious virus I call “victimitis” Perhaps you've sen it. People infected with victmitis believe that ‘everyone has it in for them and that the world oves them some= thing which ist the case at al. ike the way author Mark Twain put it “Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing, It was here fst.” T played college football with a guy who, unfortunately, became Infected. His comments drove me crazy Tiel be starting, bt the cones hae something against re, toa abu 0 iercept the albu samebady ext mio.” Tou hace getter 40-yard time, uty ss ce ose.” “Yeah, sure," L always fl ike saying. “And I'd be President if ‘my dad weran't bald" To me, it was litle wonder that he never played. in his mind, the problern was always “out there.” He never ‘considered that perhaps his attitude was the problem. “Adreana, an henor student from Chicago, grew up in a home plagued by victmitis: 1 am black and proud of it. Color has not stood in my way and I learn so much from white and black teachers and counsels alk. ut in my own home ita diferent thing. My mater, who dominates the family i ify years ol, came from the South, and sll acts 35 though “slavery was just abolished, She ses my doing good in school aa threat, _asiflam joining the “white folk." She stil ses language ike “the man Is keeping us from doing this arc that. He keeping us Boxed up and won't let us co anything” 1 alnays rebut with “No man i Keeping you from doing anything, ‘only youselt, because you keap thinking the woy you think” Evan my boytiera falls into the wbite mar isbolding me-back attitude. When Ihe was recently tying to purchase» car and the sale didn't go trough, the remarked with frustration, “The white man doesn want us to Get anything.” lalmast los i¢ and confronted hi with how sly tat kind of thinking was Butt only resulted in him feeting that was aking the side ofthe white man. "remain convinced that the only person who can hols you back yours. Besides feeling like victims, reactive people * Are easily offended * Blame others © Get angry and say things they later regret * Whine and complain * Wait for things to happen to them * Change only when they have to Ir Pays To Be PROACTIVE Proactive people are a different breed. Preactive people: ‘= Are not easily offended 1 Take responsibility for their choices ‘Think before they act, * Bounce back when something bad happens * Always find a way'to make it happen “Focus on things they can do something about, and don’t worry about things they can't | romemiber starting new job and working with gay named Randy. dont now what his peoblem wa, but fr some reason any did like me, and be wanted me fo know it He'd oy rade tt italing things fo me. He ws contol talking behind my inc and petngvthes fo sde with hin agp mes {romenber feturing fom ¢ vacation ene tie anda fend teling me, “BOY, Sean if you ony Rnew what Randy has bes saying boc You Sour beter wath your bck” “Tre were tines I ented o pound the guy; bu I smchow managed to Keep my cool and ignote his sly attacks. Whenever he insuted me, Tine ita personal challenge to teat him wel terum: Th fit that things would work ein the end fated thi nz materofa ew months things began to change. Randy cou coat wasn ping to pay his gsie and began igen up He sen tad me onetime, “Lve ti To fon yon tye won he sifence” Afr being tthe company fr abot ayer we became fonds and guinod pect foreach oer. Had T reacted ts tac, which wan my fin instinct, certain wo woalde® be indo today. Often all ita sone person to create a ends. "Mary Bath saver or herself she benefit of being proses: ‘had taken a class at school wheve we had talked about proactivty ‘and {had wondered about how to realy apply it One day 95 1 was, ‘checking groceries fora guy he suddenly told me thatthe groceries {had jast tung up weren’this My frst reaction was to say, "You idiot,” then put the bar down between the other customer’ groceries. “Why 3ddn*t you stop me sooner?” So have to delete ial and call o get the ‘changes approved by a supervisor while he just stands there and thinks 1e funny. Mearwshile the a5 ring and m getting real tated. To top it off he then has the nerve to question the price | charged him Tor the brocoi, To my horror | discovered that he was right. had put the wrong code numbers in the register forthe broccoli New| was extrsiitated {and 50 tempted to lash outst him to cover for my own mistoke, But then thi idee popped into my mind: “Be Proactive” So sai "You ae right shes completely my fault, will correct the pricing 1t wil ust take a couple of second | aso remembered that being proactive doesn’t mean you're a doormat, 3! vemtinded him ely that to avoid this kind of thing in the future he would need 2 always put the bar down that separates orders. 'efelt so good. I hat apologized, but I had abo said what | wanted to say. ft was such @ simple ite thie, but I gave me Such inner com- version and confidence in this habit. At this point you're probably ready to shoot me and say, “Now come on, Sean. I's not that easy” I won't argue with you, Being active is 69 much easier. I¢s easy to lose your cool, That doesn't fake any control. And it’ easy to whine and complain, Without question, being proactive is the higher road, But, remember, you don't have tobe perfect. In reality, you and 1 aren't either completely proactive or reactive but probably some- ‘where in between. The key then i to get in the habit of being, proac- five so you can run on autopilot and not even have to think about it If you're choosing to be proactive 20 out of 100 times on average ‘ach day, try doing it 30 out of 100 mes. Then 40. Never underes- timate the huge iffrence small changes can make, WE CAN ConTROL ONLY ONE THING ‘The facts, we can’t contol everything that happens to us. We can’t ‘control the color of our skin, who will win the NBA finals, where we ‘were bor, who our parents are, how mic tuition willbe next fall, ‘or how others might treat us. But there is one thing we can contol how ee respond fo shat hapens to xs, And that is what counts! This is why we need to stop worrying about things we can't control and start worrying about things we ca. Picture two cicles. The inner circle i our circle of control. It includes things we have control over, such as ourselves, our atli- tudes, our choices, our response to whatever happens t0 us, Surrounding the circle of contol isthe cle of no contol It Inclds the thousands of ings we ean do anything bout Now at il happen we pen ine ad ee wor ying about things we Eat cone Like a rue comment © past Insta, or the weather You gues i We'l fe even more out of “nts if we were victims: For ntanee, if your ster Dugs you Si you says complaining about hee weaknesses (omeing Sou have no control over that went do ant to fk the probe Ten. if ony ease you to hee your problems on er an Tose power youre CONTROL ‘OURSELVES \o arrives Renata told. me » sory that sts tis point, A weak before her upcoming volleyball ame, Renatha lee that the tnother of a player on the opposing team had made fun of Kenatha's volleyball skis Intend of ignoring, the comments, Kenatha became angsy and spent the rest of the week sewing ‘When the game arived, her only goal was to prove to Wis mother the wat a good player. To make 2 fong story short, Renatha played poorly, spent mac of her time on te Bene, and her tea Tete game. she nas so forse n something she eosin tol hat waesaid about hr hat she lot contro the only ing aocaaaieeee ss56 Proactive people, on the other hand, focus elsewhere ..on the things they control. By doing so they experience inner peace and gain more control of ther lives. They learn to smile about and live With the many things they cant do anything about, They may not like them, But they know is no use worrying, TURNING SETBACKS INTO TRIUMPHS Life often deals us a bad hand and it 6 up tous to control how we respond. Every time we have a setback, i's an opportunity for us to fur it into a triumph, as this accoune by Brad Lemley fom Parade magazine iustrates “I's not what happens to you i Hf, it's what you do about it ‘or s0 says W. Mitchel a soifmade millionaire, a sought ater speaker, 8 former mayor, a river rafter and sky-diver, And he accomplished allthis after his accidents, you saw Mitchell you'd find this hard to believe. You se, this {guy's face isa patchwork of multicolored skin gras the fingers oF ‘ott his hands are either missing or mere stubs and his paralyzed legs lie thin and useless under his slacks. Mitchell says sometimes people try to guess how he was injured, Acar wreck? Viemam? The ‘eal tory is more astounding than one could ever imagine On June 19, 1971, he was on top ofthe world. The day before. hehad bought ‘beautiful new motorcycle. That moming, he soloed in an airplane forthe frst time. He was young, healthy, and popular “That afternoon, I got on that motorcycle to ride to work,” he recalls, “and at an intersection, a laundry tuck and | collided. The bike went down, crushed my elbow and fractured my pelvis and ‘the gas can popped open on the motoreyele, The gas poured out, the ‘heat of the engine ignited it, and | got burned over 6 percent of my body.” Fortunsily, a quick-thinking man ina nearby ear lot doused Mitchell witha fir extinguisher and saved his ite Even so, Mitchell's face had been burned off, his fingers were black, charred and twisted, his legs were nothing but raw, red flesh. 'W-was common for first-time visitors to look at him and fant. He was unconscious fer two weeks, and then he awakened ‘Over four months, he had 13 transfusions, 16 skin-gratt opera tions, and several other surgeries. Four years later, alter spending ‘months in sehabiltation and years learning to adapt to his new handicaps, the unthinkable happened, Mitchell was involved ina freak slgplane crash, and was paralyzed from the waist down. “When T tel people there were fwa separate accidents," he says, ‘Oey con hardly standtt ‘eri pralyzing plane ca ecient, Mil elo met ing a rneteetryeor- all Patient inthe hospital's gymnasium, “This zy had alo Been paralyzed. le had been « mountain climber, a ‘Mean vectors person and nace is ewok ‘ver Finally I went over to this guy and sald, You know some thing? Before ll this happened 0 me, there were 1000 things 1 Soule do. Nae there ae 9000 F could spend the rest of my life “iveling onthe 1400 that Tot, bu cheese to fcus on the 3.000 that ae eft” ical sae cert toll Fint show nor agement friends an family, and second isa personal phiosop iS Scand om vrteus sures He eased he id ot hae Say sod notin tat ne ms Haden hey 10 Be Happy. "Tam in charge of may own spaceship," he states emphat- Calle" my up, my down cou choooe to te this situation a a setback ora staring point Tike how Helen Keer pu it, “So much hasbeen given fo me "havea time to ponder tha which has been denied : “although most of ur sebacks went be as severe as Mitchel’, a of us wil have ou fair share. You might get dumped by a gi any may os am elton tach ou ay 68 ee up ty a gang, you may not get accepted tothe schol of your “Joie yay become Seno hope and elev that you will be proactive and strong in these define ing enoments Tremember a major set tuck of my ov. Two yeas ater had become the start ing quatebock in college seriously injred my nee, fell behind, and subsequent Ip lost my potion. vividly recall Conch aling me ito iis office jst efor the sea- = Rc son Began and teling me they were handing the star ing job to someone ene Pit side had work ny whole eto get this position. twas my Senior year. Ths supposed to appen. "Ava backup, Chad avchcce to make cou complain, bad inouth the ev uy, ane fol sory for mysel. Or could make a ee ciate 7Luckily, I decided to deal with i, I was no longer throwing. touchdowns, but I could help in other ways. So 1 swallowed my Pride and began supporting the new guy and the rest of te team. worked hare and prepared myself for each game as if I were the arte. And, more significant, I chose to Keep my chin up. Was iteasy? Not at all. often felt like failure. Sitting out every ‘game after Deing the starter was humiliating. And keeping a good altitude was a constant struggle Was tthe right choice? Definitely. Even though I wore out my bum on the bench all year, I contributed to the team in other ways. ‘Most important, | took responsibilty for my atitude. Teannot begin to tell you what a positive diferece hissing con made in my li RisING AsovE ABUSE (One ofthe hardest setbacks of al i coping with abuse. never for- get the morning [spent with a group of teens who had been sex ally abused as children, were victims of date rape or were otherwise abused emotionally ex physically, Heather told me this stor: | as seal abuse 3t fourteen. tt happened when I was at far ‘A boy fiom school cme up to me and 9, “Ireally need to talk to you, ‘ome with me fora few minutes” | never suspected anything because ‘skid was my friend ard had always been realy nice to me. He took ‘me on along walk and we ended up down at the dugouts atthe high School. That was where he forced and raped me. He kept telling me, if you tell anyone, no one wil believe you. You wanted ths 9 happen to you anyway.” He also told me that ‘my parents would be 50 ashamed of me. | Kept quiet about it for ‘we years Finely, | was attending @ help session where people who were ‘abused fold their stories and this one gil got up and told 9 story Similar to mine. When she said the name of the boy that abused ther | started to cry because It was the same one wha had raped Ime. It turned out that there were six of us who were victimized by him. Fortunately, Heather is now on the raad to recovery and has found tremendous strength in being part oF teen group that i try- Ing to help other abuse victims. By coming forward, she has also put ‘Ritu todnewe poids Babin bat by the eamce ‘Brldget’s story, unfortunately, is very common: At the age of five | was sexually abused by afarly member Too afraid to tell anyone wed to bury my hurt and anger. Now that have ‘ome to terme with what happened, ook back on nye and can see hhow it hae affected everything. In tying to hide something terrible 1 tended up hiding mel. wasn't und thirteen year ater that finaly ‘confronted my childhood nightmare. ‘Mary people have been through the same experience as | have or something that is related. Most hide i. Why? Some areata for their lives Others want to protect themselves or someone ese But whatever the reason, hiding i ent the answer eon (eaves a cut so deep in the Soul that it ssems that theres no vay of healing it. Confronting it s the ‘nly way to seu up that bleeding gash. Find someone to talk to, some- tone you fee! comfortable with, someone you can trust. is. [ong and thier process, but once you come to terms with it fs ony then that you can start clive. Ifyou have been abused, i's not your fault. And the truth has to be told, Abuse thrives in secrecy. BY telling another person, you immediately divide your problem in hal. Talk with a loved one or friend you can trust, take part in a help session, oF visita profes- sonal therapist. Ifthe first person you share your troubles with isn't receptive, don't give up-keep sharing until you find someone Wwho is Sharing your sccret with another is an important step in the healing and forgiving process. Be proactive. Take the initiative todoit, You don’t need fo ive with this burden for one day longoe. (Pence refer to the abuse hotlines listed atthe back ofthe book for help or information) BECOMING A CHANGE AGENT once asked a group of teenagers, Whe are you role models? One girl mentioned het mother. Anotiter kid talked about his brother. And Soon One guy was noticeably sllent. I asked him whom he fsdmired. He said quietly, “Idon't have arole model.” All he wanted to do was make sire he didnt turn cut like the people who should have been his role models. Unfortunately, this is the case with ‘many teens, They come from messed-up families and may not have anyone to patter their lives after. "The sary thing is that bad habits such as abuse, alcoholism, ant ‘welfare dependency are often passed down from parents to kids, cahsavethaea/daiienatteeds teeta beep tpealice Ghienecbess. 2or succeed shall be WED Maas oF wou crreerivE ENS For example if you have ban sbused as child th ais how that yu te ely to Become an aber as we Sometines these bling uc ox genio ay Cre a mg ie Ef alcohol drug abuser. You may come tro Lng Ine of dependency on welfare Pethaps no One in your aly has ever srtdunted from cllge or even high chao, “he god new sat yu ca stp te ofl. Because you ae proactne you an sp these ha hab rom blag pase on You Ein become a “charge agent” an pass om good fabs fo future aeration staring wih your own aa. A tenacious young nae Hide shared with me how she has become'a change agent er family Education was never vk ted in her home, and Fda could soe the conse Guencrs off. Says Fda: "My mom worked 9 theory sewing, for very litle money, and my father srked orally qver ini wage would hear them arguing over the money an how they were going to pay the rests highest grade ny Whether | fail oman'sdoing parents went ton school was the sixth grade.” bout my own, ‘As a young gitl, Hilda vividly remembers her lamthe rel dad being unable to help her with her homework becaube he cunt nd Englch, The ws hard When Hilda was in junior high, her family moved om California bak to Mexico Hilda soon realized tha there wer limited educational options for he ther, so she asked if she could move back othe State fo live with hey fn Forte nent seer years Hida made reat arcs tay “It was hard toe crowded into oom with my cousin” she sy “and have to share bed and work to pay them tent a well as {0 #0 school butt was worth it “ven though had kd and got marred in high school {kept going 0 school and working foward nlshing my education’ 1 Wanted to prove tomy dad that no malter what, he was Weng ‘hen he sald no one in ou family could become professional.” Hilda will soon be graduating with a university degre in finance. Se wants her ecucational vales to be passed ont her Ls: Today. evry tne cn, when am notin thoi the sofa and Tread to my son Tm teaching him how to speak English and Spanish 'm tying to save money for his euaton: One ly he wl ned ep eth Komework, an wil be thre tp & Asy | interviewed another sixteen-year-old kid named Shane from the Midwest who is also becoming a change agent in his family. Shane lives with his parents and two siblings ina poor section of town called the projects. Although his parent are still together, they‘recon- Stantly fighting and accusing each other of having affairs, Fils dad Grives a fruck and is never home. His mom smokes weed with his twelve-year-old sister His older brother failed two years of high ‘School an finally dropped out. At one point Shane had lost hope. “ust when he'd thought he had hit roc bottom, he got involved ina character development clas at schoo! hat taught the Habits), tnd he began fo see that there were things he could do to seize cone {tol of his life and ereete a future for hime Fortunately Shane's grandfather owned the upstairs apartment here Shane's family lived, so Stane paid him one hundred dollars | month zent, and he moved to that apartment. He now has his own Sanctuary and is able to block out everything he doesnt want to be part of on the floor below. Says Shane: “Things have gotten better how for me.I treat myself better and I show myself respect. My Family doesn't have very much respect for themselves. Although old in my family has ever gane to college I have been accepted fo thece different universities. Everything I do now is for my future. My future is going tobe different I know L won't sit down with my twelve-year-old daughter and smoke woed.” ‘You have the power within you to rise above whatever may hhave been passed down fo you. You may not have the option of, moving upstairs to escape from itall as Shane di, but you can fig- tratively move upstairs in your mind. No matter how bad your predicament is, you can become a change agent and create a new life for yourself and whatever may follow: Gnowine YOUR PROACTIVE MUSCLES The following poem is a reat summary of what it means to take responsibility for one’s life and how a person can gradually move fenanaieianetiontenne cbciiti. o62 HET Haas oF wont erecrie TEENS Five SHORT CHAPTERS rom There's Hole i My Side ‘Porta Nelo walk down the street. ‘There isa deep hole inthe sidewalk, Tallin Tam lost... Tam helpless. isn't my fault takes forever to find a way out, walk down the same street. ‘There isa deep hole inthe sidewalk I pretend I don't see it, Tallin again Tean't believe Lam in the same place ‘Bt i isn't my fault, i sil takes a long time to get out. | walk down the same stret ‘There isa deep hole inthe sidewalk. sce itis there. 1 offal in, 15a habit. My eyes are open, know where 1am, is my faul.I get out immediately. {walle down the same street, There is a deep hole inthe siewalk, T wale around it walk down another street, You, to, can take responsibilty for your life and slay away from potholes by flexing your proactive muscles. Is a “break- through” habit that will save ‘your bacon more often thar ‘You could ever imagine! cave Being, things. ltt, you take responsibility for your life. Second, you have a “canvdo” attitude. Cando is very different from “no-can-do.” Just take a peek “Take initiative Wait for something to tomake it happen happen to then ‘Think about solutions ‘Think about problems and options snd barriers Aa Arcected upon If you think can-do, and you're creative and persistent, i's amazing what you can accomplish. During college, [remember ‘being told that fo fulfill my language requirement, would “have to” fake a class that Thad no interest in and was meaningless 10 ‘me, Instead of taking this class, however, I decced to create my ‘own. 50 I pat together a list of books I would reed and the assign tents {would do and found a teacher to sponsor me. I then went to the dean ofthe school and presented my case. He bought into ‘my idea and I completed my language requirement by taking my selbuilt course ‘American aviator Elinor Smith once said, “Ithas long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back anl lot things happen t them. They went aut and happened to things” Iv'so true To reach your goals in ie, you must seize the in itive. If you're feeling bad about not being asked out on dates, don't just sit around and sulk, do something about it. Find ways 10 ‘cet pepe. Be friendly and try smiling a lt. Ask them out. They ‘eeana tannniceana ies oie.Dont wait forth pero fain yourlp, goat it Send cut your teu, networ volunteer 0 nero ee, Tryout ata tore and nao tse don wat fr te ales pero toting you, you tnd hem Some pefte mistake ean fr being pushy, aggresive, et cbnexiou Wrong Cando i sours purslane ‘tern cs popestch then maken Noto, Cane tke are eave enuping ed eee Nuala Tra wok sce min eh allowng sory. Alou it took place a long time ago, the principle of can-do is the same: ss 135.8 young journalist ina big city in Europe, working fll time 25. reporter for United Press international. Iwas inexperienced and always nervous that | wouldn't be able to ive up to the expectations ‘fF a tough and much older male press crew The Beatles were com ing to town, and to my amazement | was appointed to cover thelr stay (My editor didnt know how big they were) They were the ‘hottest thing in Europe in those doy. irs fainted by the hundreds ‘st bythe presence and here | wos going to cover thelr press con The press conference was exciting and I was elated to be there. ‘but! realized that everyone would have the same story—1 needed something more, something meaty, something that realy would ‘make front page. | just couldnt waste this opportunity. One by ane, Al the experienced reporters went back to thelr papers to report and the Beatles went up to their rooms. | stayed behind Ive got to 9. ‘ure out a way 10 get to these guys. | thought. And there no time fo lose | walked t0 the hotel lobby, picked up the house phone, ond dined the penthouse. | quessed they would be staying there. Their ‘manager answered. “Ths is ia Jensen from United Press Inter ational would ike to come talk tothe Beatles sad confidenty (iat did Ihave to lose?) ‘Tomy amazement he said, "Come on yp." Trembling and feting like | had hit the jackoot, | entered the ele ator and went up to the royal suits ofthe hotel. [was ed into an area 2 big as an entire floor—and here they all at Ringo, Pau, John, are George. !gulped down my nervousness and inexperience and tried 10 ect ikea worlélas reporter {spent the next wo hours leughg, listening, talking writin. and ving the best ime of my lite. They treated me royally and gave me ail the attention in the workd! _My story was splashed on the frontpage of the leading newspaper | Inthe country the next morning. And my more extended interviews ‘with each of the Beatles appeared asa feature in most ofthe newapa- pers of the worid within the next few days. When the Rolling Stones ‘ame to town after that—guess wi they sent? Me, a young Female, Inexperienced reporter I used the same approach with them and worked again. S007 realized what {could accomplish by being pleas- ntly persistent. pattern was stn my mind, and was convinced any thing vas possible, With this approach, I usally got the best toy and ny news creer took on 3 new dimension. George Bemard Shaws, the English playwright, knew all about can-do, Listen to how he said it "People are always blaming their ‘cumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances, The people who get om in this word ate the people who get up and look forthe ercumstances they want, and if they can't find them, ‘make them.” Pay attention to how Denise was able to create the eircum- stances she wanted: 1 know its strange for 2 teenager to want to work in a brary, but | realy wanted that Job-more than | had ever wanted anything, but they werent hiring. would goto the library every day and read, hang ‘ut ith my friends, and ost get away from home—wiat beter place to werk than someplace | already hung out at? Although I didnt have jab there, 1got to know the office stand I volunteered for special ‘events and prety s00n was one ofthe regulars. Itpaid off. When they finaly had an opening ! was ther fist choke, end found one of the est jobs ever had. Just PUSH PAUSE So when someone is rude t you, where da you igo the power to resist being rude back? For Starters, just push pause, Yep, ust reach up and push the pause button to your life just as you trould o your remote conta (HI remem- ber right, the pause button is found some where in the middle of your forehead.) Sometimes life is moving 0 fast that we instanlly react to everything out of sheer habit, 1H you can learn to pause, get control, and think se aeeeeenEEitiaend. sancti anata ro“6 ‘smarter decisions, Yes, your childhood, your parents, your genes, {and your environment iluence you to ac in certain ways, but they can't mn you do anything, You are not determined Dutare fee to choose ‘While your life is on pause, open up your tool: box (the one that you were bom with) and use your four human tools to help you decide what to do ‘Animals don't have these tools and that’s why: you're smarter than your dog, These tools are selt- awareness, conscience, imagination, and willpower. ‘You might want to cal them your power tole © snmne gy eget eae matenaet Lean listen to my inner voice to know right from wrong ean envision new possibilities. Conscience: Dacron: Gown Let's illustrate these tools by imagining » teen named Ross and her dog, Woof, as they go for a walk “Flere, boy. What say we go outside,” says Rose as Woot leaps up and down, wagging his tal, W'sbeen a rough week for Rosa. Not only has she just broken up with her boyfriend, Eri, but she and her mom are barely on speak- Bias she stolls down the sidewalk, Rosa begins thinking about the past week. "You know what?” she ruses f0 herself. “Breaking up with Eric has relly ‘been tough on me. Is probably why I've been so rude to Mom and taking out all my frustrations on her” You se wha! Ros doing? Sk’s sanding apart fom hevslf and evaluating and mesouring her actions. This proces is called self-oareness t's. tol thet is native to all Iunanoids, By using her self-awareness, Rosa is able to recognize ‘tha she's allowing her breakup wih Ere to affect her relationship wih her mov. This obseroaton is the frst step to changing the ey she has ‘os SERS hie eens 1 have the power to choose Meanwhile, Wot sees cat up ahead and instinctively aks of ina lanoy ater "Aol Mesa loa dog, he compel ire of hint He dea eo tn ta fen He ncapt of hing pe orn timalnd sng, You bow ch? Evers Sey ie dg fre net thay) owed Teche ng on my ange onal i nightoroat ee” ‘Ae de continues he tll, Rous’ thoughts Bogin fo wander. she ca arly wat forthe schol concert tomorow when she wll te pesfoming solo, Musie i her fe. Reon imagines hess Singing atthe concert She sees hese dazling the iene then btwing to ecive a ming sanding ovation Kom all of het iy, Miers an tenor. ao coune alle cate guys 3H this scene, Resa is using another one of her human ge) ts imagination. arate if ll tap our rent crcunsencs nl cre 0 ose snow hal gies use Gane sul fates and ean phate woul i fo fcome leas taining vane of grander Woof busy dg- ngup thecarth yg tga ata woe, is imagination Saat slo ck Zilch He a ink Aegon he mrt He nn enti new psi, Cn pon aie "ef tinting, Somat moog ae ae copped "> “Hi, Rosa, whatcha doin’” says Heide, palling up alongside Rosa inher car "Oh, hello, Heide," replies a startled Ross, as she brings hee thoughts back to earth. “You surprised me. I'm just taking Woof for awvale” Hey, Iheaed about you and Eric. What a bummer.” Rosa is bothered by Helde's reference to Eri. I's none of her business. Although she is temp to be cu! with Heide, she knows Heide is new at Schoo! and desperately in need of friends. Rose fs that being warm and ee Lae.Yeah breaking up with Bchas ben ough So how re things with you, Heide?" ‘Rost has just used er human ool ciled conscience. A ceonscince is am “inner dolce that wo atays teach we ‘ight fram wrong. Each of us has a conscience, Ad tl) either grow ov sronk depending upon wheter or not we fle lo ts promptings. “Meanishile, Woof is relieving himself on Mr, Newman's newly painted white picket fence. Woof as absolutely ro moral sense of right and wrong. After all, he is just a dog. And dogs wil do whatever their instinc!s compel them ‘oo. Rosa's walk with Woof comes fo an end. As she opens the font door to her house, she hears her mom yell from the other room, "Resa, just where have you been? I've bee looking all over for you.” Rost had aiready made up her mind to not lose her oo th er ont, despite wanting fo yell ack “Get out of my fe,” she esposcally, “Just out for a walk with Woof, Mom.” "WWoal! Woof! Come back her,” screams Rosa ae Woof rts out the open door to chs thelocal paper boy on his bik, While Rosai using her fourth uma tol of willpower fo control her ager, We, who has ba fold not to chase the paper 0 oy, i overcome ty is instincts Wiener is the poor fo det 1 says that we have the power to choose, to cantrl our emotions, and to ‘orcome our habits an instincts. "As you can ace in the above example, we either use or fail fo use ‘our four human tools everyday of our lives. The more we use them, the stronger they become and the more power We ‘have to be proactive, However, if we fail to use 7 them, we tend to react By instinct lke a dog and not act by eice ike a human. HUMAN TOOLS IN ACTION Dermal Rew one tld me how is proactive respon oa fami cris change is Life forever Dermell was eiced in one of East Oakland's roughest neighborhoods, the fourth in a family of seven ds, No-one inthe Reed family had ever gzaduated from high School before and Dermell wasn about oe the fist Derm wae our abou his future. His fay was strgling His sect was fed with gangs and drug dealers: Could he ever gt out? Whilein ts house, on a ail suruer nigh before his senior yeu, Dermal Prot gap Pear certia Its an everyday thing to hear gunshots, and I did't pay it no sind,” said Dermell ‘Suuddeniy one of his frends, who'd been shot in the leg, burst trough the door and began hollering that Dermell's litle brother, Kevin, had just been shot and killed in a drive-by shooting. “T'was upset and L was angry and I as hurt and [lost some- body Tain’ never going to see again in my life,” Dermell told me. “He was only thirteen years old. And he was shet over a pety litle street seule. T can’t explain how life went after that Tt was just Straight downhill for the whole family.” ‘Dermel’s natural reaction was 19 kill the murderer. Afterall DDermell was raised in the streets and this was the only zeal way he could pay back his dead brother. The police were sil trying to fg- lure out who did it, but Dermell knevt. On a muggy August night, a few weeks after Kevin's death, Dermell got hold of a 38 caliber revolver and Went out in the steets to get revenge on Tony "Fat “Tone” Davis, the crack dealer who had killed his brother. “it was dark, Davis and his fiends couldn't see me. There he wasting talking, laughing, having fan, and here Lam within itty feet of him, croched behind car with 3 loaded gun. Iwas sitting there thinking, ‘could just pull this litle trigger and bill the guy ‘cho killed my brother” Big decision. At this point, Dermell pushed pause and caught hold of him self Using his imagination, he thought about his past and his Future, °T thought about my life in a matter of seconds I weighed my options. I weighed the chances of me escaping, not geting ‘aught, the police tying to igure out who Lsvas. [thought about the times Kevin would come waich me play football. He always told me I was going ta be a pro foottall player. [thought about my future, about going to college. About what [wanted to make of hte" PPausing, Dermell istered to his conscience, “’m holding a gun, ‘vo shaking, and I think the good side of me told me to getup and [39 home and goto school. I took revenge, I'd be throwing away Iny future I'd be no better than the guy who shot my brotier.” Using raw willpower, Dermell, instead of giving into his anger and throwing aveay his lie, got up, walked home, and vowed that Ihe would finish college for is dead brother ‘Nine months later Reed had made the honor roll and was grad- ating from high school, People in his school coulkin't believe i. Five years late, Reed! had become a college Footbal star and a col |v ey by °Like Dermell, each of us will face an extraordinary challenge or two along the way, and wee can chonce whether to rise to those chal lenges orto be conquered by them “laine Menvell sums up the entire mater quite well “Whether [ fall or sucoed shall be no man's doing but my bu. am the fore: [ can clear any obstacle before me or Iean be les inthe maze, My choice; my responsibilty win or lose, only Thad the key tomy destiny” Wkind of ike the eld Velkswagen commercials "On the road of Iie, ther are passengers and there are divers. Drivers wanted” ‘So let me ask you, are you in the driver's set of your life or axe you merely a passenger? Are you conducting your symphony or ply being played? Are you acting ikea can of soda pop or abot le of water? ‘Afterall thats been said and done, the choce yours! COMING ATTRACTIONS In the chaptor that follows lake yeu on ade youl never forget ‘alld The Great Discovery Come long, e's tril minuce! @ Oo ° vr ae nerve 71 Koen ee COC ‘The next tim someone flips you off, give them ‘the peace sign back LUsten carefully to your words today. Count how many times you use reactive language, such 33 ‘Nou make me" "Ihave to." "Why cart they leant Reactive language use most: Gf something todoy that you have wanted todo boat nover dared. Leave your comfort zane and 90 [fort Ase someone out on a dat, raise yout hand in dass or join a team, Write youself a Postit note: “Iwill not let ecide how rm going to feet Place tin your locker, fon your miras on your planner and reer to Rotten At the next party, don't just sit agains the wall nd walt for exetement to find you, you find ‘Walkup and introduce yoursl fo someone new. “The net time you receive a grade that you think Isunfa, don tbiow tof o ery about it make ‘n appointment with the teacher to dius itand thon See what you can learn. I you gt in fight with 2 parent ora fiend, be the frst twapologize,72 HED Haars OF Wenuy ererIVE TEENS (5 9 & ‘dotity Something in your crcl of no control that you are fivaye worying about. Decide now to drop it ‘Thing that tant control that always worry about: ‘Push the pause button before you react to oy. {omeone who Bumps ko youtn the hal, Ee ‘einyou ame. ors ie ve. ao Use your tool of stt-awarenes right now by aking yournell, "Whats my most unheelthy habit Make up Yourmind todo something about Most unhealthy habit: ‘What rm going todo about: HAL (1-1 Begin with the E74 1WE MARTE OF McneYereTWE TEENS "Would gostei pease wich wo Loup fo wok ronhere” “That depends a good deal on where ? sida fiend up the 13,776 fot Grand Teton twas tery ing! As we ascended, the mountain tumed vertical. Ar tha point ‘we “oped up," or ted ourelves together with ropes to ad'us in “Smbing and to save ou ives if ne of ts ell On two occasions that rope kept me from taking thowsandfoo falls to my death Believe me, I loved that rope as I've never loved a rope before. By assisting each otter and relying on theropes, we fitally reached the sums "Yu secbmplish much morein fe youl rape up and borrow strength fom ethers. Let's suppose you seta gal to ge in great shape Now tink. How could you ope up? Wel, maybe you could find a ren! wha has the sme goal and the oof yo could work ‘out together and become each others cheerleaders. Or maybe You ould tll your parents about your goal and get their Day in Or Inaybe you! could sare your gol with an athletic tener ot your fmcoach nd ak him or er advice Gt creative. Rope tp with frends, Brothers Stor gfsends, por enls,courelos grandpa exis pastors or whomever che you can, The more ropes you have ot he ise Jour chan GoaLs INACTION When Iwas a sophomore in high school, I weighed 180 pounds My ‘eactheb David, 4:feuthennt) uelehed-0,scaiiaiaialiapeunde. We’ ‘were only one year apart yet 1 was twice his size. But David had a Imounlain of a spirit and did incredible things to get to where he ‘wanted fo go, This is his story | wi never forget when | tied out forthe freshman footbell team at Povo High. At fie fee two inches and weighing only 0 pourd was even smaller than the stereotypical 98-pound weakling. I could’ find any football equipment tof me: it was all too bi. Iwas sued the mallet helmet they had but sil Pad to tape three ear pads together ‘on each side of it 0 make Itt my head. poked ike @ mosquito with ‘balloon on its head. "uted to dread football practice, especially when we had to crack ‘heads with the sophomores. We used to line up facing each othor ‘about fen yards apart with the freshmen on ane side ad the sopho- ‘mores on the opposite side, When coach blew the whistle, you Were {upposed to hi your opponent untl the whistle biew again. used to count the players in my line to see wien my tarn would come up, and then count the players the sophomore line to see who ‘would have the privilege of teaching me how to fy. I'seemed that 1 always ended up getting the biggest meanest sophomore as my eppo- nent “tm dead meat.” was my corstant thought. would line up, wait Tor the whiste, and in a moment find myself fying backwards and Upwards through the az That winter I tried out forthe wrestling eam. | wrestled inthe 98- ‘pound ainson. Even though | weighed in with al my clothes on after ‘ating a big meal, Isl could’ tp the scales a 98 pounds Infact mas the only guy onthe team who did't have to lose weight to wrestle. My brothars thought / would be 2 goad wresier because, unlike Footbal ‘ereting allowed me to compete with gus about my own weight. But ta make» long stry chore gat pinned almost every match. In the spring | went out for track, But a luck would have I, was ‘one ofthe slowest guys on the team. Little wonder you should have seen my pencthin les. (One day after track workouts I just couldn't stand it anymore “Thats "said to myself. "1am sick ofthis” That night inthe prive= \y of my room. f wrote down some goals | wanted to achieve during highschool To be succesful in my athletes, I knew had to get bigger and stronger 50 set goals in these areas fist By my senior yeor set @ ‘jon! 0 be six feet tal to weigh 180 pounds and to bench press 250 ‘pound In football, set a goal to be the starting wide receiver on the Varsity football team. Ard in track 'se¢ a goal to be an afstate sprinter {also enuisioned mysei being captain on both the football team and ‘thnoesh teen ”Alot of nice dreams, wouldn't you say? At that moment, however ‘was staring reality in the fae. Alf 90 pounds oft. But stack with my plan from my freshman until my senior yea Let me ilusrate. As part of my weight gaining proces, | made 2 ‘ule that my stomach would never be empty. $01 ate constanty. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were merely three meals In an eight-meal dy. | mace a secret agreement nith Cary, the starting varity nebacker {or Provo High, who stood sx feet three inches tal and weighed 235 ‘pounds. He promised me that if helped him with his algebra ! home: Work, he would allow me to eat lunch with him everyday for weight {g2in and protection purpases. ‘Iwas determined to eat the same amount he ate, so each day at lunch bought two lunches, three mils, and four rll. Wee must have been a hilarious sight together! | was alsa taking my Gain Weight Fast protein powder along with my lunch. I would me the sikening pow. der in each of my miks and nearly barf each time I rank it uring my sophomore year | began working out with my good Iriend Edie who mas elo yearning to get big, He added another ‘requirement 0 my food Ist: fen ful teaspoons of straight pears but ter and three glasses of milk eoch night before bed. Each week we were ‘required to gain tno pounds If we didn’t “make weight” on the off: ‘cal weigivin day, we were required to eat or drink water until we di. |My mom read an article that said i young kid slept ten hours 3 ight ina completely dark room and drank two to three extra glasses ‘of mika day be could grow one te two inches more than he normally would. believed ths and followed itrigidy. Attra needed to reach ‘my goa! of six foot and my dads height of five fet ton inches wast ‘going to help me. “Dad,” I said “I want the darkest roam in the ‘house.” | got Then I put towels under the door cack and aver the ‘window: No light was going to shine on me! ‘ext I seta sleeping timetable: went to bed around 8:45 nw and ‘got up around 7:15 aie Ths ensured me 10% hours of sleep Finally ‘rank all the rl | could. 1 alo began fiting weights, running, and catching the football ach day | would work outa least two hours. When Ede and Ife atthe weight room, we would check out the XL shirts in hopes that one Gay we would fill them. At Fist | could only benchpress 75 pounds, Silly more than the bar [AS the months passed | bagan to see results. Small results. Slow result But reulte By the time I vas 9 sophomore Iwas five fet five Inches and about 120 pounds. had grown three Inches an gained 30 ‘pounds. And Iwas mach strongec ‘Sivnse she | taht thee a tc wen cones Vint east

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