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SHAME ON SHARING

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P A R E N T H PO RO E D G N A N C Y

Shame on Sharing
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HARPER SPERO JULY 11, 2016

I was the third person to know my best friend was pregnant.

First was her husband. Second was her yoga teacher in response to, is anyone pregnant? [in the
class].
Then the following day after eating brunch, she said, I cant keep this in, Im pregnant.
After the initial excitement of the news subsided, I couldnt help but ask her why she was telling me this
information. Arent you not supposed to tell anyone that youre pregnant until youre three months
in? I asked.
If something was to happen, Id want you to know. Id want you to be with me during that time. she

said.
Those were words I didnt expect to hear.
Yes, of course I would be there with her but I hadnt thought about the fact that so many women dont
tell their friends and family that theyre pregnant for three months because of the fear of
disappointment.
My best friend was beyond excited so she wanted to share. She also knew there was no chance she
could keep a secret from me for three months. She knew it was going to come out and why not tell me
immediately so we could celebrate together.
Miscarriages, complications and other challenges happen throughout pregnancies and theres an
unspoken stigma around sharing this information with people. According to the American College of
Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), 15-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriages within the rst
trimester.
Theres shame.
Why does my body continue to fail me? Does this make me a fit wife? Does this make me a fit
mother? are questions that Lizz Choi, co-founder of Onnix Bags and startup consultant asked herself
after having a miscarriage.
Lizz (along with many women) start to doubt themselves. They doubt their body and their capabilities.
Lizz shares her story because she recognizes how many women walk around silently shaming
themselves. By sharing she knows she can empower other women to share as well, and not carry the
emotional burden alone.
On Valentines Day another friend sent an email letting me know that she had miscarried. She wanted
to share with her closest girlfriends and acknowledged the stigma around the topic. She didnt want to
hide. She wanted to be supported. She wanted the people who loved her the most to be there for her
and help her through this difficult time.
Many couples are not as open with this information as we are, and understandably do not share the
news as freely. But that also means that the loss happens in silence, and I can only imagine the
unspoken pain and sadness that is held inside without anywhere to go. she wrote.
My friend who lost her baby shortly before Valentines Day recognized that by telling her girlfriends
about her situation, she would be supported and encourage others to come out and acknowledge that
theyve been there too.
What value does keeping silent bring to your life?
What do you get from holding in a secret? From holding in your emotions?
Gretchen Fox is co-founder of social media agency, [made to order] specializing in helping clients
rene their message and content for authenticity and emotional connection. The challenge is that often
when it comes to social media, most people make their lives out to be perfect and unrealistic.
Someone recently showed me a mommy blog and said, Look, they have a perfect life. They have it all.
The thing is, we dont know what happens behind closed doors what are the things happening that
they dont share on the blog? Social media has become a highlight reel of peoples lives. Theyre not
showing every aspect of their lives only the positive times. Research shows that peoples reactions to
social media have led to anxiety, depression and anger issues
When the dark times come, we stay silent. And those who dont stay silent are considered downers,
unworthy of our newsfeed. And the consequences of our lack of knowing how to share when we are in
our darkest places is worth acknowledging. I have recently come to believe that its setting us up for
isolation and limiting our abilities to connect when it matters most. said Fox.
Facebook opens people up to criticism and unwanted advice. You have to in a sense be ready to take
on other peoples viewpoints if you choose to post on social media about some of the dark times in
your life. People expect to see cute puppies, cute babies, engagement shoots and vacation photos.

They dont expect to learn about miscarriages and pregnancy complications.

My general rule of thumb is this: go with your gut. There is no right or wrong answer as pertains to
when or when not to share the amazing news of a new pregnancy. The same people that will support
you in your joy, are the same ones you may need to console you if things dont quite turn out as
planned. Says Dr. Angela of askdrangela.com
Im really happy that my best friend told me she was pregnant so early on because I was able to enjoy
the whole nine months of her pregnancy and now life with her adorable son. I care about her so much,
and really appreciate that she told her closest friends and family, knowing that if something would have
happened there would be a lot of loved ones there to support her.

Are you pregnant or a new mom?

Expectful is a digital platform that makes meditation easy for expectant and new moms. Each one of
our guided meditations has been created to support you throughout your pregnancy and motherhood
journey.
Our mission is to help you give your baby the best start in life. Go to expectful.com and sign up for our
free 30-day meditation trail.

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