INT.

SIMPSONS HOUSE-MORNING
MARGE is in the kitchen leaned over the sink cleaning
something. MAGGIE is crawling around on the floor looking
for something to replace her pacifier. MAGGIE picks up a
fork and tries to suck on it, but spits it out.
MAGGIE crawls to the left wall and finds a building block.
MAGGIE sticks it in her mouth, but spits it out.
EXTREME CLOSE UP- MAGGIES MOUTH
GERMS start moving into MAGGIES mouth from the building
block.
GERM 1
(In a German accent)
Sagen, lassen wir HANZ, ve shall
make a new land here.
PAN OUT- BACK TO KITCHEN
MARGE picks MAGGIE up. MARGE is about to put MAGGIES
pacifier back, when all the sudden MAGGIE sneezes.
MARGE
Oh dear, you must be coming down
with something sweetheart.
HOMER walks in whistling a tune and an upbeat step.
MARGE
HOMER I think MAGGIE is coming down
with a cold. We need to take her to
see DR. HIBBARD.
HOMER
Come on MARGE that is too much
money that we dont have. Cant we
just give her a shot of whiskey and
wrap her in a bunch of blankets?
MARGE
HOMER, how dare you? This is our
child we are talking about not the
MILHOUSE boy. We will just have to
get the money somewhere.
HOMER
Ok MARGE you know best. You always
know whats right. Ill find the
money somewhere.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

BART and LISA come running into the kitchen yelling a bunch
of gibberish.
BART
Mom I want a new skateboard. You
also have to sign my homework that
the gerbil ate.
MARGE
Gerbil, what do you mean gerbil?
LISA
Yeah BART what do you mean gerbil?
Why dont you tell her?
BART
The gerbil ate it because the lousy
dog somehow got morals.
HOMER
Lousy dogs and their high morals.
Donald Trump is gonna fix their
wagons.
MARGE signs the paper and hands BART and LISA their lunches.
BART and LISA dart out of the kitchen to catch the bus.
HOMER takes all the plates off the table and mixes them into
one sandwich style concoction. HOMER eats all the food. He
then leaves for work. MARGE is left alone in a dirty kitchen
with MAGGIE.
MARGE
(MARGE groans under her
breath.)
I sure hope HOMER can get the
money, because there is nothing
worse in a home than a sick baby.
INT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT BREAK ROOM- DAY
HOMER, LENNY, and CARL are sitting around a table. CARL is
eating a sandwich. LENNY is eating sushi. HOMER is scarfing
down doughnuts.The break room is run down. There is water
dripping and rats running around.
HOMER
(Mouthful of doughnuts.)
Guys I need to make some extra
cash. MARGE is hounding me about
the baby being sick. You know back
in my day you just got better. We
didnt need fancy doctors to cure
us. We were tougher than germs.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

HOMER (contd)
Just a spoonful of whiskey was all
you needed.
CARL
Uh HOMER I dont think thats uh
how that goes.
LENNY
(Muttering under his breath.)
Geez, I wish CARL would bug me
more.
CARL
You know HOMER, you could always
ask MOE for the money. You just
better pay him back, because I
heard he took BARNEYS kidney for a
tab he owed on.
LENNY
Hey HOMER, you could ask MR. BURNS
for the money, but ide rather die
from sickness.
HOMER
(Jumping out of his chair.)
You had me at MOE.
HOMER starts to run out of the door when CARL and LENNY stop
him.
CARL
Wait HOMER its 10:00 a.m., you cant
leave right now.
LENNY
Yeah besides you would need a good
excuse to leave this early.
HOMER
Well boys, its not leaving if you
never clock out. Besides this is a
family emergency.
LENNY
You know how OLD MAN BURNS feels
about that?
HOMER
Exactly why Im not telling him or
clocking out.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

HOMER leaves the break room. He sneaks down a long hallway

to a four-way in the hall. HOMER looks left and then right
to make sure the coast is clear. HOMER tip toes down a dark
damp hallway. The hallway is covered in skeletons and rats.
There is biohazard stickers and radiation oozing everywhere.
A giant boa comes out of a hole and slithers by HOMER. At
the end of the hallway there is a door. HOMER walks through
it and is lead into the parking lot by his car. He walks to
his car, but sees his backyard is on the other side of the
car.
HOMER
Even more convenient.
HOMER hops the fence and runs off.
EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND- NOON
BART, MILHOUSE, NELSON, and MARTIN are sitting around the
playground talking. They are all huddled under the jungle
gym in a circle looking at some random nick-nacks. Other
kids are running around. Some kids are flying kites. Two
kids are playing tag. A bird flies over and lands on the
branch of the tree over the jungle gym that BART, MILHOUSE,
NELSON, and MARTIN.
BART
Ok boys empty your pockets for
trade. The store is now open. Come
one come all to the bazaar of your
bizarre dreams.
MILHOUSE
I want that broken balsa plane.
NELSON
Why do you want a broken plane
dweeb?
MILHOUSE
Everything else in my life is
broken. My therapist says it is
good for me to stay consistent.
NELSON punches MILHOUSE in the arm. MILHOUSE falls to the
ground crying. MILHOUSE is rolling on the ground back and
forth. NELSON stands over him showing his dominance.
MILHOUSE
(In a crying voice.)
Why did you do that? That hurt.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.
NELSON
(Rubbing his hand with a rag.)
I like to stay consistent as well.
I have beat you up everyday. I
dont see why this one should be
any different.
MARTIN
I would like that marvelous
cats-eye marble you have there.
BART
What do you have to trade for it?
Nothing here is free.
MARTIN
I dont have anything to trade.
BART
Well then, no deal.
MARTIN
(Scratching his arms like a
junkie.)
But I must have it to complete my
collection. Its beauty is flawless.
Please, what do you want?
BART
What do you got that I want? I
know. I want your Glenn Hubbard
baseball card, with him holding the
boa.
MARTIN
Do you know how rare it is BART?
BART
That or nothing.
MARTIN
Fine, Ill be back with it later
today.

MARTIN storms off angry and kicking dirt.

MARTIN
(Shaking his fist in the air.)
You havent seen the last of this
crude business man. In the immortal
words of John Dryden, "Beware the
fury of a patient man."
NELSON starts to head towards MARTIN.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

NELSON
(Holding a fist at him.)
If you dont get out of here, Im
going to patient you.
BART
Thanks NELSON, my man. With you as
my security, we are going to rake
in all the playground buy, sell,
and trade.
NELSON
Who said you were in charge?
BART
(Pulls his collar and gulps.)
Hey NELSON, we can talk this out.
See anything you like?
NELSON
Yeah twerp, all of it.
BART
(Backing up and sweating.)
What do you know buddy, I found all
your stuff.
NELSON takes all the knick-knacks and bundles them in a
scarf, ties it around a stick, and walks off whistling. BART
sits next to MILHOUSE on the bottom of the jungle gym. They
are both looking down and distraught. The kids around the
playground are laughing at them and pointing at BART and
MILHOUSE. They look at each other with disappointment.
BART
Man it took me all morning to take
that stuff, only to have NELSON
take all of it.
MILHOUSE
What are you gonna do BART to get
your stuff back?
BART
I dont know yet MILHOUSE, good ole
buddy, but I will think of
something.

7.
INT. DOCTORS OFFICE- DAY
MARGE is sitting with MAGGIE in the office waiting for the
doctor. MAGGIE is coughing. A receptionist is sitting at the
desk chewing bubble gum and talking on the phone. People are
sitting in the chairs around the wall of the waiting room.
Emergency workers keep bringing stretchers in full of sick
and injured people. One guy has a bullet wound in his arm. A
lady is blowing her nose and ringing the handkerchief out.
MARGE stands up looking annoyed. She walks over to the
RECEPTIONIST at the desk.
MARGE
Excuse me miss.
(MARGE waits for a second.)
Excuse me miss.
(MARGE waits another second
before screaming.)
Excuse me miss.
RECEPTIONIST
(With a look of irritation on
her face.)
Yes maam, is there something I can
help you with?
MARGE
Yes, I have a very sick baby here.
Now I have been waiting forty-five
minutes to see DR. HIBBARD.
RECEPTIONIST
(Bothered look on her face.)
Imagine that a sick person in the
hospital needs to see a doctor. A
person that thinks they are sicker
than everybody else in this waiting
room.
MARGE looks around to see a whole lot of sick people in the
waiting room. MARGE is holding MAGGIE very carefully.
MARGE
(Humble voice.)
Well I guess your right. There are
a lot of people sick for such a
pretty day.
RECEPTIONIST
(Sarcastic voice.)
Yes maam all the wonderful colors
and all. just have a seat and the
doctor will call you in when he is
ready for you.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

MARGE
(MARGE is moaning under her
breath.)
Ok, well make sure its fast. My
little baby is hurting.
DR. HIBBARD
MARGE SIMPSON and MARGARETTE
SIMPSON. What seems to be the
trouble here.
MARGE
(Panicky voice. )
MAGGIE is coming down with a fever
and I dont know what to do about
it.
DR. HIBBARD
Nothing a bunch of expensive tests
wont figure out.
(Gives his signature laugh.)
Well I will just have the nurse
start prepping the tests and the
test meter
MARGE
(Confused face.)
Test meter? What is that.
DR. HIBBARD
It is the correct way to tell
exactly the price of the test. Its
like a taxi cab meter for doctors.
MARGE
(Doubtful voice.)
ok DR. HIBBARD you know best.
DR. HIBBARD
Now I see on the form you left
method of payment blank.
MARGE
Yes, well HOMER will be here
shortly with the money.
DR. HIBBARD
Nurse im gonna need you to get the
medicine. Makes sure its the
experimental stuff, you know in
case they flake out on the payment.

9.

INT. MOES TAVERN- DAY

HOMER is sitting on a barstool drinking a beer. MOE is
standing behind the bar listening to him. BARNEY is passed
out on the bar. There are a couple of bar flys drinking as
well. MOE is cleaning a dirty mug with a dirty rag. There is
a boxing match on the television in the upper corner of the
bar. There are flies floating over all the people at the
bar.
HOMER
(In the middle of a random
story.)
And then I told him, thats a
lovely duck, but Im not attracted
to her.
Yeah,
story
is it
first

MOE
thats great homer with a
that started at the end. What
you came in here for in the
place?

HOMER
Oh yeah. MOE, I need some extra
cash for MAGGIES hospital bills.
MOE reaches under the bar nonchalantly, looking for the shot
gun. He stops when he hears about MAGGIE.
HOMER
Everything is always about the
kids. When is it HOMER J. SIMPSONS
turn in life? Anyway can you help
me out?
MOE
Gee HOMER, i would love to help you
out, but money is kind of tight
right now with the Chinese buying
everything.
(MOE opens a closet and money
comes falling out. He
scrambles to sweep it all back
in and shut the door.)
Ha haha. I really need to start
taking the trash out more.
HOMER
I understand MOE. It is hard all
over for everyone. I will figure
something out.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

MOE
I do know one way, but you might
not like it.
HOMER
What is it MOE? Im desperate. Tell
me. Tell me now. Its not something
you know...
(Makes a flamboyant motion
with his hands and bats his
eyes while whistling.)
Because there have been some things
I have wanted to try.
MOE
No, god no, nothing like that. My
cousin is doing time in the pen for
helping an old lady alleviate some
of her burden. He left his cab for
me to watch until he gets out. You
can take it and run the fares for
extra cash.
HOMER and MOE walk out the back door of the bar to a
structure covered by a cloth. MOE pulls the cloth away to
reveal a yellow and black checker cab. HOMER looks very
happy.
HOMER
(HOMER is running around
gaily, giggling to himself.)
He he he. MOE my dream has always
been to be a cabbie.
MOE
I thought your dream was to find a
walrus for the belt, and you did
five years ago.
MOE points to a picture of homer beaten up with a ref
holding his hand up and a defeated walrus on the ground.
BARNEY is in the alley way peeing and burping.
BARNEY
Yeah HOMER, you sure gave that
donkey a good once over. BURRRRP.
He will never be back to threaten
your cubs again.
MOE
Well yeah, anyways everything is
here. You have your wheely that you
put your hands on, the little knob
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.
MOE (contd)
things that open the door and a
spare donut for a flat rubber round
thing.
HOMER
(He is daydreaming and
drooling.)
Mmmmm, spare doughnut.
MOE
Well she is all yours HOMER. Take
good care of her. My cousin doesnt
like me touching his things. He
tried to cut my finger off for
trying to force the rats to leave
his place once.
(MOE pulls up his hand to show
three fingers.)
See.
HOMER
Ahhh, not my nub.
MOE
(Pulls the fourth finger back
out.)
Nahh, im playing, but seriously
dont screw this up he is for real
about his things.
HOMER
Dont you worry MOE, HOMER is on
the job with the professionalism of
every cabbie before me.
MOE
Great HOMER, your a real TONY
DANZA.
HOMER
Whoo hoo, Im the boss.
MOE
No HOMER, I meant the other.. You
know what, just get out of here you
idiot.
HOMER
Thanks for the free tab MOE.

HOMER hops in the cab and peels off. There is smoke from the
burning of the rubber. MOE is left standing in the dust.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.
MOE
I should have shook him down before
he left.
BARNEY
Did I hear free beer?
MOE
No he said free fear, hes giving
out free fear or something. I dont
know get back in there you dogs and
drink.

EXT.CITY PARK- DAY

BART and MILHOUSE are in a tree spying on NELSON. NELSON is
sitting with JIM BO looking through all the treasure that
NELSON took from BART.
JIM BO
Dude all this stuff you snagged is
baby junk. You need to swipe some
beer or nudie mags.
NELSON
Give me a break. This is all the
kid had on him.
JIM BO
Your all the kid had on him.
JIM BO and NELSON start punching each other in the arm,
which turns into a full blown fight. BART and MILHOUSE jump
out of the tree and move in closer to the two bullies. They
tip-toe closer. They drop to the ground and crawl over to
the tree quietly. They sneak up and stick their heads out of
the side spying on the bullies.
BART
(Whispering.)
Look MILHOUSE, the bullies are
distracted. This is our chance to
get the stuff back.
MILHOUSE
(Whispering.)
I dont know BART, we could easily
be pulled into the commotion.
BART
(Whispering.)
I have a plan MILHOUSE. You will
create a distraction while I grab
the stuff and run off.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

MILHOUSE
(Whispering.)
What kind of distraction? You know
Im allergic to confrontation.
BART
(Whispering.)
You just stand there and ill do the
rest.
MILHOUSE
Ok BART.
MILHOUSE steps out from the tree in front of the two
fighting bullies.
BART
(Mimicking MILHOUSES voice.)
"Hey you guys better stop or Im
telling."
JIM BO and NELSON stop fighting and stand up. They start
walking over towards MILHOUSE.
NELSON
If we cut his tongue out he cant
tell anyone.
JIM BO
Yeah, come here little kid.
MILHOUSE takes off running with the bullies following after
him.
BART
(snickering to himself, he walks
over and picks the rag with all the
stuff in it.)
Suckers.
BART Picks up all the stuff and puts it in his bag. He
starts celebrating. He dances around the tree where he
recovered the nick-nacks. Suddenly NELSON turns around to
see BART jumping around.
NELSON
Hey, that little dork is poaching
our poach. Lets get him.
JIM BO
Ill chase this one you chase that
one.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

(Pointing at BART.)
Get him before he gets away with
all the stuff.
BART takes off running. NELSON runs after him. They run
through the park. BART takes a left out of the park and into
the street. He runs through downtown. NELSON is still
chasing him. He dives into the comic book store. He looks
left and right. He runs up to the counter and finds COMIC
BOOK GUY.
INT. ANDROID DUNGEON COMIC BOOK STORE- DAY
COMIC BOOK GUY
(Arrogantly sounding.)
What can I do for you carbon-based
loser life form?
BART
(Panicky sounding.)
You have to hide me man. These
bullies are trying to get me. My
arch nemesis is trying to take my
plan down.
COMIC BOOK GUY
The key to your survival is in the
purchase of anything in the store.
If no money, your fate is sealed
outside the door.
BART
I dont have any money. Please,
they are going to kill me.
COMIC BOOK GUY
Well then weary and panicky
traveler. I have no quarter for
you.
BART
Wait I might have something to
trade for refuge.
BART pulls out the bag full of nick-nacks. COMIC BOOK GUY
looks around at all the stuff in the bag. COMIC BOOK GUYS
eyes fixate on an action figure. COMIC BOOK GUY tries to act
nonchalant.
COMIC BOOK GUY
Well, I guess I could take this for
a few minutes of refuge.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

BART
Yeah, whatever man. Just take the
damn thing and hide me.
COMIC BOOK GUY takes the action figure and cuddles it up to
his face. BART looks around panicking. COMIC BOOK GUY takes
the action figure and puts it in a miler bag. COMIC BOOK GUY
points to a door in the back.
COMIC BOOK GUY
You may use the safe house in the
back.
BART runs into the back room to hide. NELSON comes running
in to the store. NELSON walks around to the store looking
for BART. He approaches the counter.
NELSON
Hey there tons of fun, have you
seen a wormy little dork hanging
around here.
COMIC BOOK GUY
Worst fat joke ever. You will have
to be more specific about the dork,
as we are a safe haven for them.
Nerds start peeping from every magazine rack in fear.
NELSON
This one has spikey hair and a
cool, calm and collected demeanor.
COMIC BOOK GUY
No proprietor of pain. There has
been no one of that description in
here today.
NELSON leaves out of the store. BART comes out of the back
room and looks around. He walks up to the counter to find
COMIC BOOK GUY caressing the action figure.
BART
Thanks for the safe haven.
COMIC BOOK GUY
It was strictly business. Now
unless you are buying something.
You may see yourself out.
BART leaves the store.

16.

INT. TAXI CAB- MOVING

HOMER is driving around singing "Im a fool for the city."
The car is swerving all over the road. HOMER is not paying
attention to the road. People in other cars are honking and
shaking their fist at him. DUFF MAN flags the cab down.
HOMER pulls over the cab. DUFF MAN gets in.
HOMER
Whoo hoo, my first fare. Where to
sir?
DUFF MAN
DUFF MAN needs to get to the ball
park. DUFF MAN tied one off last
night and cant remember which party
girl took his hatch-back. DUFF MAN
is a little late, so if you can
step on it there is a great big
stout tip for you. Like the taste
of Duff Stout. the native beer of
Croatia.
HOMER
You got it super hero.
HOMER burns rubber and flies down the road. HOMER is driving
reckless. He takes a hard right. DUFF MAN flies around the
back and tumbles around.
DUFF MAN
DUFF MAN instantly regrets the
decision of getting in this cab.
DUFF MAN can feel round two of
puking coming on.
HOMER pulls into the parking lot of the baseball stadium. He
pulls up to the front gate and slams on the breaks.
HOMER
Here we are DUFF MAN. That will be
$14.58. Dont forget to tip your
local cabbie, because at one point
we can find where you live.
(Holding his hand out.)
You said I would get a special tip
if I got you here fast enough.
DUFF MAN hands HOMER the money and a six pack of beer. DUFF
MAN runs off into the stadium.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

17.

HOMER
Hey, I thought you meant money, not
sweet, delicious, cold,
(Starts daydreaming and
drooling.)
satisfying beer.
HOMER looks in the back seat to find a wallet. He looks in
the wallet. to find ten thousand dollars.
HOMER
I know I shouldnt keep it, but
when do you find this kind of
money. Besides he hasnt come for
it. I think the law is finders
keepers. Better be safe and take it
to the police station.
HOMER takes the wallet and puts it in his pocket. He pulls
off headed for the police station.
INT. SPRINGFIELD POLICE STATION- DAY
HOMER walks into the police office. SNAKE is in a jail cell,
standing against the bars. HOMER walks over to CHIEF WIGGUMS
desk. He sits down in the chair in front of the desk. HOMER
pulls the wallet out and throws it on the table.
HOMER
CHIEF WIGGUM, I found this wallet
in my cab and was wondering if I
can keep it.
CHIEF WIGGUM
What do I look like? A cop.
Seriously, can you tell me< because
I dont know.
(Takes his gun out and
scratches his head with it.)
Ok, lets see. Found money? Ill hold
on to it and if no one claims it by
the end, it is all yours.
HOMER
(Frustrated voice.)
You mean I have to wait all day.
Ohhhh, that is like forever.
HOMER leaves the police station. He hops back in the cab and
burns off. HOMER is driving down the road when he sees KIRK
VAN HOUTEN. KIRK flags him down. HOMER pulls over to pick
him up.

18.

INT. TAXI CAB- MOVING

KIRK gets in the car.
HOMER
KIRK, old friend, old pal. Where
you headed to?
KIRK
I need to go down to the law office
of LIONEL HUTZ. LUANN is trying to
bleed this turnip. She and her new
boyfriend have been robbing me of
my money for too long. It is time
for old KIRK to put his foot down.
HOMER
Ill take you where ever you need
to go. Just please stop talking.
HOMER steps on the gas and the tires screech. He is swerving
all over the road and the car is bouncing around all over
the road. He pulls up to a run down strip mall. There is
broken glass everywhere. LIONEL HUTZ office is in the
middle. KIRK gets out and goes to the window to pay HOMER.
KIRK
How much do I owe you?
HOMER
Your tab is $27.94. Dont forget to
tip your local cabbie.
KIRK
That price is as sharp as the knife
LUANN and MARK are sticking into my
back. Do you take food stamps?
HOMER
(Annoyed voice.)
No, grow up man and get more money.
HOMER pulls off and putters down the road. His phone rings.
He picks it up. MARGE is on the other line.
MARGE
HOMER, where are you? They are
running tests on MAGGIE. They keep
asking me for the money, and I keep
stalling them. I think they will
kick us out soon if we dont get
that money.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

19.

HOMER
Dont you worry sweet MARGE, I am
getting the money still. I will be
there soon.
MARGE
How long do you think it will be?
HOMER
About 5 more minutes.
HOMER hangs up the phone. The car hits a big bump and
HOMERs wallet falls out of the window. HOMER doesnt notice
it. He just keeps singing and driving. BART comes across the
road still running from the bully. He sees the wallet, picks
it up, looks inside, and puts it in his bag. He continues to
try and find a safe passage back to his house.
BART
Nice, a wallet with money in it. I
wonder whos it is?
INT. SPRINGFIELD HOSPITAL- DAY
HOMER pulls up to the hospital and runs inside. He runs down
the hall. He comes to the room where MAGGIE, MARGE, and DR.
HIBBARD are. There are machines every where. MAGGIE is
hooked to a whole lot of machines. There is a lot of BEEPING
going on the room. MARGE looks worried. HOMER walks up to
her.
HOMER
MARGE, I got here just in time.I
have the money.
MARGE
Oh HOMIE, I thought you would never
get here.
(Hugs HOMER with a sigh of
relief.)
You brought the money? They have
been asking for It or they would
not help MAGGIE.
HOMER reaches into his back pocket. He looks panicked. He
searches all over his person. He searches frantically. MARGE
starts to look nervous. HOMER starts to look everywhere for
his wallet.
HOMER
Uh, hold on my dear MARGE. I know I
have my wallet around here
somewhere.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

20.

BART walks into the hospital room. He is eating an ice cream

cone. There is candy debris all over his face. HOMER and
MARGE have a look of curiosity on their face. BART is
whistling "Im in the money"
BART
(Relaxed tone.)
Hey mom and HOMER. Whats the haps
on the craps.
HOMER
Where did you get ice cream money?
MARGE
How did you know we were here?
BART
LISA told me you guys were here.
The ice cream is the product of
good fortune. You know how it goes,
walk down the road, money falls out
of the sky.
HOMER
(Angrily speaking.)
Ill show you falling from the sky.
HOMER runs over to BART and starts choking him. MARGE tries
to solve the problem. DR. HIBBARD is checking a chart and
laughing to himself.
MARGE
HOMER, let him go its not his fault
he found some money.
BART
(Catching his breath.)
I found a wallet on the road when I
was going home.
HOMER
Let me see the wallet.
BART pulls the wallet out of the bag. HOMER sees it and gets
a sigh of relief, recognizing his wallet.
HOMER
Sweet Poseidon, thank you for
bringing my wallet from the depths
of the sea.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

21.

MARGE
HOMER, Poseidon didnt rescue your
wallet. You lost it, and BART found
it. Just be thankful that we have
it back. Now we can pay for
MAGGIES hospital bill.
HOMER looks in the wallet and sees there is no cash in it.
He starts to moan and cry.
MARGE
Whats wrong HOMIE? Dont you have
the money?
HOMER
(Looking at BART angrily.)
What did you do with all the money
boy?
BART
I spent it on sodas and candy. I
also bribed a cop to let me take
his shift for a bit.
HOMER
Ill show you a bribe around your
neck.
HOMER chases BART around the hospital room. He tries to
catch him to punish him. They are jumping over the bed. BART
is running around MARGE and Dr. HIBBARD playing keep away
from HOMER.
BART
Dont have a cow man. It was just a
few fun tickets.
HOMER
Ohhhhh, now what are we gonna do?
That was all the money I earned
slaving in that hot taxi cab.
MARGE
(Confused tone.)
Taxi cab? What are you talking
about?
HOMER
I took an extra job driving a taxi
cab that MOES jail-bird cousin
left. It was the only way I could
get the money. I didnt tell you
because I wanted it to be a
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22.

HOMER (contd)
surprise. But now the boy has done
what he does best, ruin it.
Just then CHIEF WIGGUM walks in with a bundle of cash. He
walks over to homer.
CHIEF WIGGUM
(Dopey tone.)
Here you go HOMER. Here is the cash
you found earlier. No one claimed
it all day, so now it is yours. How
about that.
HOMER
Huh? Oh yeah I forgot that I had
found it. Whoo hoo, we are saved.
Thank you baby Jesus for this and
wonderful T.v.
CHIEF WIGGUM
(Nervously talking.)
Yep, all $3,500 of it.
HOMER
(Confused look on his face.)
$3,500? there was $10,000. What
happened to the rest.
CHIEF WIGGUM
Taxes.
(Sarcastically.)
Why dont you fill out a report. We
will get right on it.
DR. HIBBARD
$3,500, that is just the right
amount for the tests.
DR. HIBBARD takes the money out of HOMERS hand. HOMER falls
to his knees crying. MAGGIE wakes up and crawls over to
HOMER. She gives him a hug. HOMER picks her up and gives her
a kiss.
HOMER
I guess it was worth it, just to
see my little MAGGIE healthy.