Rindys first visit with Carol and Therese as a couple/to Carols apartment.

One manicured hand let the phone receiver down, the other got lost in the process of pushing
back blonde curls.
Rindy is coming tomorrow. Here.
The words were slow and deliberate, like Carol needed to hear them herself.
Therese had known it was Harge on the phone by the way Carol had felt the need to stand to
take the call rather than sink into the lounge chair the way she did for anyone else. By the way
her hand had tightened around the receiver and the fingers on her other hand balled
themselves into a loose fist, fingernails digging into her palm.
Therese hadnt expected this outcome however, and it was clear, grey eyes lost out the
apartment window, neither had Carol.
Carol thats wonderful. Really.
A beat of silence then Carol slowly turned to face Therese, noting the warm smile that greeted
her. She sighed, one hand coming to rest on her hip, 'Harge said shes been asking for me.
Wanting to see where I live now.
Therese waited until Carol met her gaze, 'Of course she has, youre her mother.
Carol nodded, more to herself than Therese, hands sliding down over her skirt, searching.
A small smile playing on her lips Therese opened the flat drawer in the coffee table next to
her, sliding out a cigarette and extending it to Carol.
Stockinged feet took a few steps and Carol sat on the lounge behind Therese, leaning forward,
placing her mouth a few inches from Thereses outstretched hand.
Indulgent, Therese placed the cigarette between red lips and watched as Carol lit it, leaning
back and disappearing in a blue haze of smoke.
Therese went back to her set design, leaning forward over the cardboard model,
concentrating. Minutes of easy silence. Therese could only hear the slight huff of Carols
breath as she exhaled, the bitter smoke filling Thereses nostrils.
'He said hed allow me to have her for an afternoon. Hed allow it. Bastard.
Bent over her set Therese closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to join Carol on the
couch and rest her head on her shoulder. She stayed on the floor.
A bitter laugh left Carols mouth, 'Whats worse is that Im grateful.

Therese scooted backwards, spine resting against the couch. She pressed a quick kiss to
Carols knee, rested her temple on Carols leg. 'Ill find somewhere to go tomorrow afternoon.
Studio probably.
There was an ugly silence after that. A loaded one. One where Therese felt like her whole
body was gunpowder. A silence in which a small part of Thereses brain wondered if it was all
over. If Rindy was going to be back in Carols life would she be discarded? Are you going to
leave me again?
Therese wished Carol would put out her cigarette for fear it would ignite the air and burn
them up in the explosion. Dimly Therese realized she could no longer hear Carol exhaling the
smoke.
She turned sharply, noting the way Carols hand hovered between her mouth and her lap,
cigarette frozen halfway. When Thereses eyes flicked to Carols face she was rendered mute
by the sheer intensity of the grey gaze. Expressionless, Carols face gave no hint as to her
thoughts but Therese couldnt look away.
Finally, 'Dont you dare.
Therese felt a small thrill of nervousness run down the back of her neck at the ferocity of
Carols tone. She ignored it as Carol continued to speak.
'I want you here. With me. Rindy wanted to see where I live. You, are a very important part of
that.
Therese felt relief fill her body as quickly as though someone had turned a tap on above her
head. Then something deeper. Fear.
'Carol, Harge could-
Carol tossed her head and ground out the cigarette in the ashtray next to her, 'Let him. I am a
mother. But that does not mean that I should have to choose between who I am and my child.
I will not cut myself in half.
Therese exploded for a different reason.
**
Therese folded her skirt carefully and lay it over the back of a padded armchair in the corner
of the bedroom she shared with Carol. A combination of moonlight and the street lights on the
road below their apartment filtered in through partially closed curtains.
Therese hesitated as she moved, a moment of uncertainty, unsure whether to finish undressing

and slip naked between the sheets or continue across the room to try and dig her pajamas out
of the wardrobe. She exhaled, shaking her head at herself. Turning, she gazed at the strip of
harsh electric light and steam that escaped the slightly ajar en suite door. Carol was taking a
shower, a habit shed developed whenever she was stressed, or needed to mull something
over. Normally a slight tug on Thereses hand was enough to get her to follow Carol to the
bathroom. Tonight Carol had just disappeared from the living room without so much as a
glance in Thereses direction.
Therese perched on the edge of the bed, wearing only her underwear in the grey halfdarkness, staring unseeingly at the sliver of light coming from the bathroom. Rindy was
coming tomorrow. Carol wanted her there. But since the call from Harge earlier that morning
Carol had been agitated, distant. Therese turned this information over in her head like it was a
coin that she could study both sides of. Nerves about Rindy? Harge? Her?
So absorbed in thought Therese nearly jumped out of her skin when Carol swung open the
bathroom door and appeared in the light. She was dressed in her robe, hair damp, slight
frown, 'Youre still up.
Thankful for the cover of darkness Therese blushed and studied her toes as they pressed into
the carpet, 'I couldnt decide whether to wear pajamas to bed or not. Isnt that ridiculous.
Carol flicked off the bathroom light and walked the few steps around to the opposite side of
the bed, her side. Before clambering in she removed her robe, tossing it on the same chair that
held Thereses skirt. Therese couldnt help her sharp intake of breath as pale, glowing light
from outside fell on the expanse of Carols skin.
Carols voice was almost husky when she spoke, 'No pajamas.
Therese cocked her head in subdued amusement as Carol slid into bed continuing, 'Didnt you
know that if I cant sleep with you naked then I dont want to sleep with you at all?
'Is that so?
'Mmmhmm.
Therese swiveled so her feet were up on the bed now, not underneath the sheets, 'What about
what Im wearing now?
On her side, propped up by one elbow, sheets only just meeting a hip, Carol appraised
Therese, 'No. Entirely too much clothing.
Therese threw back her head and laughed, simultaneously reaching back to undo and slip off
her bra, 'Hows this then?
Carols eyes glided over Therese again, lingering slightly longer this time, 'Still not quite
good enough.
Therese lay her head back on her pillow before lifting her hips and extending her arms out to
slip off her underwear. A manicured hand latched gently onto Thereses wrist before she had
even reached her hips, 'Let me.

Carol sat up and Therese simultaneously adored and hated the way her heart began to pound
in her chest.
Red fingernails slipped under the band of Thereses panties, one on either side of her hips.
Therese couldnt help the way her breath hitched slightly as the offending item was slid down
her legs and flung onto the floor. Carol remained sitting, appraising Therese as she lay flat,
'Much better.
'Is that so?
'Mmmhmm, leaning over the top of Therese Carol kissed her languidly, sensually, hand
creeping up her neck. Therese felt her stomach begin to unclench slowly, familiarly. Her
favorite thing about Carols kisses was how different they could be. One night theyd be like
the ocean, violent, rolling, relentless, deeply powerful and completely unfathomable. On these
nights Therese felt as though they were waves in a storm, dashing themselves repeatedly on
the rocks until they were destroyed in a fragmented display. On other nights Carols kisses
were like a river, slow moving and so deeply constant it was hard to imagine them ever
stopping.
Therese smiled against Carols lips.
'Whatre you thinking?
'About you, mostly.
Propped up on one elbow Carol used the other hand to run her fingers through Thereses hair,
combing it back from her face.
Therese shifted closer ensuring that her nose was mere inches from Carols. Extended a leg so
that her knee slipped between Carols own, intertwining them in the bed.
Carol lay her head down on the pillow and slid her arm across the small gap between them
which felt like millimeters and miles all at once. She slipped her fingers between Thereses,
knotting their fingers together.
Neither said a word. That night they were happy to just be, twisted around one another like
the roots of two trees that had grown together.
**
Shed smoked six cigarettes already that morning. Therese had found their butts, burnt out
and dying in the ash tray like the bodies of little enemy soldiers.
Shed also slipped out of bed, before Therese had awoken, one of the rare times Therese
hadnt been the first one awake. She hadnt realized how much she loved to wake Carol with
a little kiss to the sharpest angle of her jaw, right near her ear.
Instead, shed awoken to Carols steady gaze from the armchair in the corner of their
bedroom. Fully dressed, hair immaculate, nothing out of place. Except her eyes. Her eyes that
clung to Therese like a lifeline. Her eyes that were slightly wild around the edges. She hadnt

shown even the slightest hint of embarrassment when Therese met her gaze. In fact Therese
had looked away first. Carol had risen, coming to sit at the foot of the bed. Therese had slid
down to meet her. Shed pressed that morning kiss to the exact same spot on Carols jaw and
felt a little of the tension slip from her shoulders.
'Shes going to love it. Love you.
A tiny dip of the blonde head, acknowledgement, 'Its after that I-
Then Carol had risen, leaving their bedroom, and Therese had watched her walk away. Still
stiff, but not as rigid as before, the Carol Therese knew, not the almost unrecognizable portrait
that sometimes took her place.
**
It had been one month since the divorce hearing and two weeks since Carol had been allowed
an hour with Rindy, supervised by Harges mother in his apartment. Therese knew this was
almost too long for Carol to bear, even though shed never said so.
The doorbell rang, loud and clear, startling Therese as she sat on the floor in her studio,
staring out the window, untouched set before her. She could hear the tap of Carols shoes as
she walked, slightly faster than usual, to the door. Hear the slight creak it made as it was flung
open.
'Mommy!
'My darling girl.
If Therese closed her eyes she could see Carol, knees on the floor, crushing Rindy into her,
pulling back only to press kisses to her cheeks, eyes, forehead.
'Carol.
'Hello Harge.
A silence in which Therese could only hear a giggle of Rindys. Tiny, as though Carol had
lightly pressed a spot on her ribs that shed known would create that exact noise.
Then Harges voice, 'Well, uh, Ill pick her up at four then.
Therese heard the door swing shut.
'How long can I stay mommy?
'Hours and hours my darling.
Another silence in which Therese could imagine Carol pressing her mouth to the top of
Rindys head. Then, 'Well, I guess Id better show you all around my new apartment hm?
Would you like to see your room?
A squeal of delight and then the voices got fainter as the two moved further away from
Therese, down the hallway towards the bedrooms.

Therese looked around at the open door of her studio, leading onto the kitchen. It would be
easy now, to slip out into the living room and be waiting there when Carol and Rindy
reappeared. But it wasnt her place. Carol would bring Rindy to her when she was ready.
Therese had disappeared into her studio a quarter of an hour before Rindy was supposed to
arrive. Her own decision, a small effort at allowing Carol a modicum of privacy with her
daughter. Carol had come in guns blazing, not even five minutes after shed left the living
room. Dont you hide in our own apartment, Harge be damnedIt had taken Therese the better half of five minutes to convince Carol that she just wanted to
allow her a moment alone with Rindy. Didnt want to ambush Rindy with her presence. Carol
had gripped her shoulder from behind so tightly that Therese had almost felt the need to check
for a bruise.
'And the kitchen in here. We can probably rustle you up a toasted cheese sandwich later. What
do you think?
A smaller voice, 'Youll burn it.
Even through walls Carols rich laugh gave Therese the shivers.
'Now darling what about I show you my favorite room in the whole place?
The bouncing of tiny feet.
'Just through here- now do you remember meeting Therese a couple of months ago? This is
her studio, its where she makes lots of little rooms for lots of different plays, and shes very
good at photography as well so theres loads of photos-
And then suddenly they were in the doorway and Therese was smoothing down her skirt
nervously, and, as if she wasnt struggling enough, the soft, easy smile that appeared on
Carols face when she saw her made her stomach twist.
'Hello Rindy, wide brown eyes were staring up at her, 'its lovely to see you again.
'Hi, Rindy looked around her uncertainly, 'you work in here?
Therese nodded, trying to get her heart rate to settle, 'I do, thats your moms desk over there
though. Wanna come and see what Im working on? A set?
Carol stayed in the doorway while Rindy walked towards Therese, slowly at first, then faster,
curious. She wanted to make sure Rindy knew she could go to Therese without
accompaniment.
An unconscious smile developed on Carols face, making the little laugh lines either side of
her mouth more prominent. She watched as Therese explained how she made the sets to fit in
with a story line, and that in real life there would be actors to say all the lines and an audience
to listen to them.
'These rooms are kind of like my doll house back at Daddys.
Carol watched Therese frown slightly at this, saw her lean over to a box of glue and knick-

knacks and pull out some wooden pegs and paint.

'Rindy, Thereses tone was serious, 'would you like to help me paint some little dolls to live
in this house?
Rindy nodded eagerly and Carol couldve melted.
They spent an hour together splayed out on the floor, painting pegs and acting out little scenes
with the characters they created. Rindy laughed for what seemed like entire minutes when
Carol leaned over and dabbed some paint on the end of Thereses nose. And Therese nearly
imploded when ten minutes later Rindy reached up to do the same thing.
When they decided to pack away the dolls, lunch cue taken from a gurgle in Thereses
stomach, Rindy had looked first at Therese, then at her mother, 'Can we go see this play in
real life?
The warmth that filled Carol at hearing the question was better than that of any cocktail,
'Darling we may have to go and see it twice.
And when Rindy had bounded into the kitchen, leaving Therese and Carol in the studio, Carol
had kissed Therese with an intensity that left Therese feeling like someone had stolen all the
air out of her body.
**
'Darling say goodbye to Therese, well go downstairs and wait for your father.
Rindy sighed, looking up from the drawing she was doing using some of Thereses pencils, 'I
have a room here.
'I know, and well try and organize for you to stay over soon okay? But for tonight your
Daddy wants you back with him.
Therese could nearly see the physical pain Carol was in at having to say those words.
Rindy placed the pencils carefully back in the box and ran over to Therese, busy looking in a
kitchen cupboard for the trays she would need to develop the photos from earlier that day at
the park.
'Bye Therese. Rindy pronounced her name differently to Carol, more like TA-rez.
Therese turned and smiled gently, 'See you later Rindy.
The girl turned, away and then glancing shyly back over her shoulder, 'You didnt burn my
sandwich.
Therese laughed, 'I burned you mothers.
A giggle, a roll of the eyes, 'I know.
And then she was gone, running towards Carol who bundled her up in her coat and out the
door.
Therese pushed out all the air from her lungs slowly, one continuous breath. She wouldnt

exchange their day for anything, but a place in her chest physically ached when she thought of
how difficult it was for Carol to keep having to say good bye.
There was something deeper too. An almost panic that she had to force back down her throat
whenever she thought of what Harge might say now. What he might do.
Not to her. He couldnt do anything to her. But Carol.
Therese leaned her head back against a cupboard and stared at the ceiling. There was hardly a
hope that Harge would stand for Rindy spending time with Carol and Therese as a couple.
She didnt even know if Harge knew they lived together. What she did know though, was that
there was no way in Hell Carol would ask Rindy to keep Therese a secret. Therese could hear
her voice now, I will not hide from my daughter. Nor will I sneak around like a school girl.
Therese cursed and adored Carols pride simultaneously.
She remained in the kitchen studying the ceiling until she heard the door to their apartment
open. Quickly, she took a single step out into the lounge room.
Carol, hanging her coat up in the cupboard.
Carol, crossing the living room quickly.
Carol, pressing a kiss to Thereses cheek and gripping her arms almost too hard.
Hair slightly windswept, Carol smiled, a watered down version of the one normally directed
Thereses way, and then, without saying a word she disappeared down the hallway towards
their bedroom.
A few seconds later Therese heard the shower being turned on.
**
It had taken Therese ten minutes to convince herself to go into the bedroom she shared with
Carol, and then shed spent another five just staring at the closed bathroom door. It wasnt
fear that she felt. Just an incredible discomfort at invading Carols privacy. But shed be
damned if she was going to let Carol brood in there alone.
Therese stripped slowly, unhurried, folding her clothes in a neat pile and leaving them on the
bed. She slipped inside the bathroom silently, making no noise as she opened and then closed
the door. White steam billowed around her and the air became muggy, almost hard to breathe.
The only thing that was clear was Carol, standing with her back to Therese, hands and
forehead leaning, pressed into the cool tiles in front of her, letting the water pour down behind
her, running in rivulets either side of her spine.
Therese closed her eyes for a second, the ache in her chest having returned. Then she crossed
the bathroom, almost slipping on a puddle of water just before the shower. Therese nearly

smiled. It was exactly like Carol to have started showering without remembering to close the
door.
She stood now, behind Carol, inside the shower, droplets of water bouncing off every surface
and almost burning her skin. She reached out with both hands and simply lay them on Carols
shoulders, letting them slide down to sit on her shoulder blades. Carols whole body stiffened
at the touch, hard, like cement. Therese couldnt even see the rise and fall of her ribs that
meant she was breathing. Therese left her hands where they were and stepped forward, water
pouring down on top of her now, slicking her hair down to her scalp, little streams running
into her eyes and down over her cheeks. Her whole body was only inches from Carols but
she kept her distance, instead pressing a soft, open mouthed kiss to the back of Carols neck.
She had no idea how long she stood there for, letting wet, messy kisses disappear up into
Carols hairline. And then, with no warning at all Carol softened, and if she had been cement
before then she was tissue paper now. She let her hands fall by her sides, and turned to face
Therese slowly and if Therese had been asked to describe her eyes the only word she couldve
said wouldve been anguished.
The back of Thereses throat felt like it was closing.
Carols whisper through the sound of the shower was still smooth, even when she was
breaking, 'What if that was the last time I-
And Therese couldnt think of a single thing to do but she couldnt let Carol finish that
sentence so she kissed her.
Carol took a few seconds to respond, Therese was almost about to pull back, but then there
was a grip on the back of her neck so strong that she couldnt help arching back into it.
Carols tongue was twisting against hers, and it was Carol who tipped her head back to allow
Therese to kiss her neck, scrape her teeth lightly along her jaw.
Both of Thereses arms were underneath Carols and wrapped around her back, fingers
contracting either side of Carols rib-cage. Therese was kissing her way up Carols neck when
she felt rather than heard Carol sigh, deflating a little in Thereses arms. Therese looked up
searchingly, was it just her or were Carols eyes a little watery?
But Carol leaned in and pressed her mouth against Thereses ear and even then Therese could
hardly hear her when she whispered, I need you.
A jolt of electricity pumped its way through Thereses lower stomach. She kissed Carol
again, deeper, harder, and at a slight pull she stepped forward, allowing Carols back to rest
against the tiles. Water poured over the both of them, the floor underneath them slippery.
One of Thereses hands stayed wrapped around Carols waist, the other slid up to Carols
chest, tracing little patterns and palming softly. Carols head tipped back as Therese kissed a

path down her neck, collarbones and chest, letting her mouth slide over Carols breasts as
though they were sacred ground. To Therese they were.
Back up to Carols mouth and Therese couldnt help but wonder if her lips were going to be
bruised in the morning. She almost hoped they would be. A semi permanent tattoo made by
Carol.
Water ran down Carols back in rivulets and Thereses hand lost its grip sliding lower. Her
heart began to pound in her chest when Carol widened her stance. Mouth still moving against
Carols Thereses hand froze. This all still felt relatively new to her. Shed been inside Carol
before, but this felt different. This felt important. Carol was too fragile for a mistake tonight.
Noticing the pause Carol pulled back, the up and down movement of her chest slightly more
pronounced than usual. Her mouth, tantalizingly close to Thereses ear, was heavy and
breathy but firm, 'Its okay. She punctuated her point by scraping her teeth gently against the
shell of Thereses ear, and spreading her legs wider.
Therese groaned, pulling Carols mouth back down to her own, feeling Carol press even
harder against her as one hand trailed down Carols ribs, over a hip and then, finally between
Carols thighs.
The slight intake of air Carol took when Therese slipped her fingers inside set Thereses
abdomen on fire. The slight gasp Carol made when Therese almost immediately slid her
fingers out again was kindling.
Eventually they found a rhythm, Therese pressing in and up, Carol with both arms around
Thereses shoulders, left leg hitched up over Thereses hip. Therese swallowed Carols groans
with kisses and fought hard not to let her knees go weak whenever a particularly guttural
moan escaped the blonde before her. And when Carols arms started to loosen around
Thereses shoulders, and her legs started to shake Therese managed to press them hard into
the tiled shower wall so theyd stay upright, even though it wouldve been so easy for them to
melt into a puddle on the floor.
They kept kissing. Even after Carol came and Therese had slipped her fingers out, forearm
aching. They just stayed under the shower each tracing the lines of the others body with
fingertips, and lips moving together. Unhurried.
**
That same evening, once theyd wrapped each other in robes and moved slowly out to the
living room Therese had poured Carol a rye without even having to ask. Now they sat,
Therese reading a book, Carols feet on her lap, Carol sipping her drink and staring at nothing.

Carol could hardly fight the feeling of apprehension that sat deep in her chest. Her life, as
shed known it had already been ripped to shreds and had been lying in pieces at her feet for
some months. Mostly, she enjoyed treading on it. Tonight, she felt like Harge was going to set
fire to the scraps. Carol knew shed be caught in the flames.
The harsh shriek of the telephone made both women jump, part of Carols drink leaping from
her glass and sloshing down her hand. The phone continued to ring, and Carol stared at it
unmoving. Therese stared at Carol.
Then, in one swift movement Carol was up, snatching the phone from its hook, 'Hello? A
shaking hand set the glass down.
'Is that Mrs Aird? Carol didnt recognize the voice.
'Yes. Breathless.
'Its Susan Rankin. Im Rindys nurse. Anyway uh- Mr Aird is out so I hope its okay that I
called but Rindy insisted she say goodnight to you-
'Put her on.
'Mommy?
'Hello my darling girl, Carols voice was almost hushed, like she didnt want to ruin the
moment by speaking, 'Its almost past your bedtime.
'I know, but I had to say night.
'Im glad you did. You got Teddy there with you?
A small giggle, 'Yes. Silence, then, 'Mommy?
'Yes? Breathless again.
'Is it bad if I didnt tell Daddy something? He didnt ask but-
'What is it darling?
'I didnt tell Daddy about Therese.
Carols head jerked up and she looked over at Therese, who sat a little straighter under the
grey gaze.
Rindy continued, 'Its just that he might get jealous, because he didnt get to make dolls with
us or doanything. And-and Therese seems kind of, Rindy whispered the last word, 'precious.
Voice normal again, 'Like she could be just a thing for you and me. Unsure, 'Maybe?
Carol exhaled for a long time, 'I think its fine if shes just a thing for you and I Rindy. For
now.
Rindy laughed on the other end of the line, relieved. 'Daddy said I could come again next
Saturday? If-
'Yes. Yes. Yes. My darling. Carol closed her eyes, 'Ill see you then okay? Sleep tight.
Carol placed the phone back on the hook and stared at it almost incredulously. Hours couldve
passed before she looked up to meet Thereses hopeful smile.
Finally, face glowing with wonder, 'Shell be back next Saturday.