For All #23

I woke up on the morning of my twenty-third birthday to a dead-end job, a failing relationship, an empty
wallet and a complete lack of direction. And Im sure Im not alone in that fate.
The years following college arent kind to us. We are thrust into the real world with a large amount of
student debt, jobs that barely pay enough to make rent, relationships that are rapidly changing and a
profound feeling of being lost on how to handle it all. Nobody likes you when youre twenty-three,
including your own life.
And yet, we pull through.
Most of us make it to our twenty-fourth year. Most of us make it out of the woods. Most of us are lucky
enough to say that by the end of our twenty-third year were no longer feeling completely and utterly
lost. But in case youre not there yet, here are a few things you may need to be reminded of right now.
1. Youre not going to be lonely for the rest of your life.
Twenty-three is a lonely and uncomfortable age. College is (probably) over. Your professional life is
(hopefully) just beginning. And your social life is doing an awkward, uncomfortable shuffle in response
to all the changes. Youre far away from the people who know you well and not yet emotionally close
with the people who physically surround you.
Give it time. Give your relationships the chance to evolve. Give yourself the chance to adjust to no
longer living with a group of your closest friends (yes, you will adjust). Loneliness doesnt last forever,
even when it feels like it will.
2. You dont need to be working your dream job right now.
Its okay to take a shitty office job because you need to pay the bills. Its okay to spend your spare time
volunteering to get the experience you need. There are a thousand different routes you can take to get
to where you want to go. Dont beat yourself up in the process just keep moving, steadily and slowly,
toward wherever you would rather be.
3. Everyone feels lost at some point.
No, seriously. Every single person you meet, interact with or think about in the course of a day has
almost definitely had a period of their lives where they had NO clue what they were doing. So this is
yours. Youre just getting it out of the way early.
4. You still have so much time to fail.
You have time to fail at love. At your career. At your creative aspirations. At your personal goals.
You are still young enough to fall and pick yourself back up, so many more times. So dont be afraid to
take those big, scary risks now while you still have the time and the strength and the determination to
start over.
5. Someone is going to love you again.

Youre going to feel that insane over-the-moon feeling again. Youre going to want to tell someone I
love you again. Youre going to have something real with another human being again, even if it doesnt
feel like it right now. The ability to love other people doesnt leave you, even if its a muscle you havent
flexed in a long while.
6. You are going to love you again.
Your self-perception is going to adjust to encompass the new, adult you: the one that you are still
growing into. Dont beat yourself up about who you are or are not yet at twenty-three you have so
much time left to grow into the person youll become, and to be damn proud of whoever that will be.
7. You are allowed to set and keep boundaries.
Being a young adult means saying Yes to a lot of things long work hours, demands from our partners
because you arent yet sure what youre allowed to say no to. But heres the deal you are allowed to
set whatever personal or professional boundaries you need to set in order to stay healthy and stable.
You dont have to earn the right to take care of yourself. You deserve it, as a basic product of your
existence.
8. You are never entirely without support.
You may not be lucky enough to have parents who are able to give you financial support or even friends
who are immediately available to give you emotional support, but rest assured, if things ever went really
wrong, youd have people there to help you out in ways you may not expect. If at least a few names
come to mind, youre doing better than a lot of people.
9. Being disappointed in yourself just means that you know you can do better.
If you were never falling short of your own goals, youd be living your life all wrong. Disappointment in
moderation means that you believe in bigger things for yourself. And holding that belief in life will take
you further than you could possibly imagine.
10. Its not your job to live someone elses dream.
You dont have to move to Asia to teach English if its not going to make you happy. You dont have to
move to a big city and get a mind-numbing office job because its going to impress your parents. The
choices you make now set the tone for the choices youre going to make the rest of your life. So youre
allowed to make the choices you want to make and only worry about impressing your future self.
11. No is a very important word.
Youre allowed to use it. Say no to jobs that dont entice you. Say no to people who bring out the worst
in you. Say no to all the opportunities that prevent you from pursuing the bigger, braver, bolder life
course that youd rather be on. Say no confidently, strategically and as regularly as you need to. It is
your right and in some cases, your greatest asset.
12. Nobody can read your mind youre going to have to ask for what you want.
Nobody is going to come hand you your dream job or your perfect relationship or your ideal lifestyle
because youve been obeying the rules so diligently. You have to ask directly and sometimes

incessantly for those things. Its unfortunate that the adult world works this way, but it does. The
sooner you get comfortable asking for things, the sooner you start getting big results. Results other
people dont get because theyre too afraid to ask for them.
13. You dont have to be embarrassed.
Not by the job youre working or the person youre dating or where you are in life, in relation to the
people you graduated college with. Embarrassment is a choice. And the prouder you choose to be of
yourself no matter where you are in life the further youre going to go. Confidence is a major
predictor of success.
14. Your body is not seventeen anymore.
You cant exist on a steady diet of beer, burritos and power-naps forever. Your body is starting to change
and you have to change to accommodate it if you dont want to feel just a little bit worn-out for the rest
of eternity. Treating your body properly is going to have more of a positive impact on your life in the
coming years than you could possibly imagine right now.
15. Youre probably hotter than you think you are.
Something I hear over and over again from middle-aged people is that they cant believe they ever
thought they were unattractive in their early twenties.
We are our own harshest critics at this point in our lives and its more likely than not that your most
unattractive quality is the lack of confidence you have in your own appearance. Start believing in
yourself a little more right now, so you have to kick yourself a little less aggressively later.
16. You arent done changing yet, and you probably wont be for a while.
There are those rare, beautiful moments in our early twenties where it feels like weve got it all figured
out and were entirely out of the woods. But those moments never last for too long. Life is constantly
changing but thats far from being a bad thing. Your brain is still developing. You are still developing.
And the worst thing you can be right now is stagnant.
17. You have to give yourself a break.
At 23, its easy to get so caught up in the working and progressing and forming relationships and finding
ourselves that we forget to ever take a moment to just breath. To relax. And to take a brief break from
frantically dashing toward the future. You still deserve to live and enjoy your life. Your future will come
soon enough.
18. Losing friends is a natural consequence of this stage of your life.
Losing touch with your old college roommates or your hometown friends or the loved ones who settled
down earlier or later than you did is a natural consequence of growing older. It isnt solely up to you to
keep every friendship youve ever had alive some things fade out naturally, because they should.
Because some of the friendships you shared were meant to last a season, not a lifetime, and thats okay.
19. There will be people you have to leave behind as you grow, and that doesnt make you a bad person.

Everyone grows up and grows into themselves at different paces. And the older you get, the more you
will notice that some people almost deliberately choose to stay stuck or hold themselves back. And it is
not your job to rescue these people from themselves. You can love them, you can support them and you
can encourage them but at the end of the day you just cant hold yourself back on their behalf. They
have responsibility over their lives and you have responsibility over yours. You are not selfish or horrible
to keep moving forward without them.
20. Comparisons are completely senseless, unless you use them as a motivator.
Comparisons are a great thing if youre using them to motivate yourself to rise up to someone elses
level of greatness. If, however, youre only using them to beat yourself down, they are the single
greatest waste of your time and energy. You are not your friend or your college classmate or your coworker who just got a raise. You are you. And if you want to rise above the rest, you have to use the
skills that are unique to you, rather than pining after what comes naturally to everyone else.
21. Everyone fucks up.
No, seriously. Everyone has made at least one big, huge mistake that they wish they could take back. Its
just that we tend to not talk about our fuck-ups, which creates a culture where everyone believes that
theyre the only ones who ever encounters them. Trust me: youre not alone. Weve all done some
royally screwed-up stuff. And weve all survived it. Which means that youre probably going to as well.
22. Everyones terrified.
Nobody really knows whats coming next. Nobody actually has a foolproof plan. Nobody is 100% sure of
how to get where they want in life and nobody has it all figured out.
Even the most confident people are a little bit unsure and a little bit terrified sometimes. Lifes just like
that. Uncertainty is a key ingredient to the whole shebang.
23. If you had it all figured out right now, the rest of your life would be boring.
If you had the rest of your life locked and loaded at twenty-three years old, the rest of your life would be
a let-down. The ups and downs are just a natural part of what keeps things interesting. And the truth is,
now is the best time imaginable to ride out those fluctuations. A period of struggle prepares you for a
future of resilience. So struggle away at twenty-three. The future has plenty of time to fall into place.
By Heidi Priebe
Artwork by Helke Rah