Running Head: QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

Qualities in Cross-Sex Friendships

Alexis Luft
Marielle Mekkaoui
Alexa Parisi
Ryan Tombs
Lauren Verbinnen
Hanna Williamson

Bryant University

Abstract

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

This study examined the qualities that are most important in cross-sex friendships, and the
relationship between attractiveness and relational satisfaction in cross-sex friendships, amongst
college-aged students ranging from 18-22. Out of seven qualities provided in the scale,
trustworthiness, relational satisfaction, and commitment, yielded the highest mean scores,
respectively, in ranking importance of identifying these qualities in cross-sex friendship. The
correlation results varied between men and women, indicating significance between levels of
attractiveness and relational satisfaction for women, but no significance was found for men.

Keywords: relationships, cross-sex, cross-sex friendships, romantic relationships, qualities

Literature Review

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

College is a time for personal growth and maturity. It is a time where young, emerging adults
weed out the negative people in their lives, and replace them with people that promote that
personal growth. These new friendships have many overlapping qualities of romantic
relationships; but what differentiates the two? These relationships, while both extremely different
and complex, are almost always present in the lives of college students. As college students
ourselves who have all experienced romantic relationships while maintaining those cross-sex,
platonic friendships, we want to pin-point the qualities in platonic cross-sex friendships. Some of
the variables we have looked at are relational satisfaction, sexual attractiveness, physical
attractiveness, intimacy, trustworthiness, commitment, and dependability.
Importance of Relationships
There is an overwhelming abundance of research on the importance of relationships.
Aside from the obvious fact that relationships bring pleasure to those involved, there is research
supporting the physical health benefits. Whether it be a friendship, romantic relationship, sibling,
colleague, or acquaintance, relationships can act as social support during times of stress. Cohen
(2004) and Uchino (2009) discovered that social support actually has therapeutic effects on our
physical and psychological well-being (Fein, Kassin, Markus, 2011). Social support networks are
therapeutic by offering encouragement, advice, reassurance, and sympathy when necessary;
where someone in a stressful situation may fall into a slump, someone in his or her social
network can reassure that everything will be okay (Fein, Kassin, Markus, 2011).
Social Psychology textbook writers Fein, Kassin, and Markus (2011) focus on four different
models of social support theorized from different researchers. The first defined social support as
the sheer number of social contacts a person has (Fein, Kassin, Markus, 2011), which may be a
useful and easy way to measure, but disregards the quality of the support given (e.g., bad

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relationships) as well as the fact that having too many social contacts can decrease the support
given to the person. The second model focuses on diversity of social network. Cohen & JanickiDeverts (2009) concluded that people who are socially integrated (with different types of
relationships such as close family members, friends, coworkers and classmates) are healthier and
live longer lives. The third model, known as the intimacy model emphasizes quality over
quantity; where one close relationship (a best friend or spouse) is all a person needs. The fourth
and final model defines social support by its perceived availability (Sarason et al., 1983).
People cope better with the knowledge and understanding of the support that surrounds them,
unlike those who are uncertain of the resources available.
Attraction
Studies by Byrne & Clore (1970) and Lott & Lott (1974) that laid the groundwork for
attraction state that people are attracted to those people where there is a potential for a rewarding
relationship. Aside from the rewards gained, there are also many other determinants of attraction.
Familiarity is a huge factor in attraction; we are most likely to become attracted to someone we
have seen and become familiar with, (Fein, Kassin, Markus, 2011). The physical nearness or
proximity to a person is a huge predictor of a potential relationship. Hays (1985) has shown
through his research that college students who live in off campus apartments, dormitories, or
fraternity and sorority houses tend to date those who live nearby. There is convenience in
dating someone who lives close, because the close distance makes it easy to get together and
build a stronger, more intimate relationship. While proximity may not directly spark attraction,
exposure might. The mere exposure effect is the phenomenon whereby the more often people
are exposed to a stimulus, the more positively they evaluate that stimulus (Fein, Kassin,
Markus, 2011). Exposure can help influence attraction, while proximity increases exposure.

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

Researchers such as Montoya et al (2008) have consistently shown that people tend to
associate themselves with others who are similar to themselves (Fein, Kassin, Markus, 2011),
whether it be demographic similarities, personality similarities, or attitude similarities. Attitude
similarities can include political beliefs, religious beliefs, opinions, and other interests. These
similarities make it easier for two people to communicate about their different interests, and
provides a common ground for them to bridge off of. While others may disagree by believing
opposites attract, there is no true research or evidence that can back this claim. This calls to
question where two people with these similarities go in terms of their future relationship.
Relationship Qualities
A question that people often have is if their relationship with someone is considered good
or bad. How do they come to an answer to this question? It is sometimes hard to decide whether
to progress with a cross sex friendship and become romantic or just remain in the current
platonic relationship. Several studies have looked at these difficult questions concerning this
issue and have found that in order to come to an answer to these problems, you must look at
some major qualities in your relationship. The general judgments and decisions regarding a
relationship should be based upon the relationship standards and expectations. This means, what
qualities are important to the relationship? (Fletcher, Simpson, Thomas, Giles, 1999)
People develop ideas and come up with these qualities based not only on personal
experience and observation of other peoples relationships, but also on relationship oriented
information that they are subject to. This includes TV, films, books, etc. (Fletcher, et al. 1999).
These qualities directly affect the motives others have to either start or remain in a relationship
(Fletcher & Simpson, 2000). Some major qualities that people may look for or find important in
a cross- sex friendship or relationship are: relational satisfaction, intimacy, commitment,

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

trustworthiness, attractiveness, passion, and love. Each one is held at a different level of
importance, depending on the person and their sex.
Qualities such as commitment, trustworthiness, and intimacy are all items that are more
focused on the relationship itself and can be friendship related. They do not signify that the
relationship should be taken further than a platonic friendship. However, the qualities that are
attractiveness and passion both contribute to a sexual aspect of a relationship. If these are held to
a higher importance, than perhaps the friendship could turn into a romantic relationship. This
suggests that these qualities play a pivotal role in determining whether the friend has more
interest in either staying platonic or creating a romantic relationship out of the existing
friendship. Relational satisfaction and love can be held to a high importance in both platonic and
romantic relationships.
Commitment is an important quality to measure within the importance of a relationship
because it really signifies how important the friendship is to the person. If someone believes that
commitment is an important factor, then this person has a sense of devotion to their friend and
anticipates a long lasting relationship with them (Sternberg, 1999). If there is no commitment to
the relationship, then the chances of it progressing are low.
Intimacy is an emotional component that involves liking and feeling of closeness. This
implies that two people have a comfortable relationship that allows them to feel free to talk about
anything. Having an intimate relationship means that support and understanding are present
(Sternberg, 1999). Although intimacy can be found in romantic relationships, it does not
necessarily mean that the relationship is not only platonic.
Passion does not fall under an emotional quality as much as it is related to a motivational
component. This quality contains drives that trigger attraction, romance, and sexual desire. This

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could mean that even just seeing the other person is exciting or sexually arousing for someone.
Having this sense of euphoria in a friendship and believing it is important to the existing
relationship, could mean that there is intent to develop something more involved than just a
platonic friendship (Sternberg, 1999).
Love is a quality that can be found in both platonic and romantic relationships. This is
due to the fact that there are different types of love. There is passionate love, which is romantic
love that contains high arousal, attraction, and a fear of rejection. There is also companionate
love which means the partnership is secure, trusting, and stable. These two types of love can be
based upon the qualities that have been previously mentioned (Hatfield, 1988).
Trust is another quality that is important to both romantic and platonic relationships. This
means that the relationship holds a sense of dependability and honesty. One person can be
entrusted with anothers secrets or anything else of importance. If one does not believe
trustworthiness to be a major quality, then there is not really a chance that a romantic relationship
can occur.
Relational satisfaction just means how satisfied overall you are with the relationship
itself. If your friend or romantic partner is meeting the needs that you find necessary, then
relational satisfaction will be high. Relational satisfaction is extremely important in both
friendships and romantic relationships. If someone is not satisfied in the current friendship
though, the chance of the platonic relationship turning romantic is very small.

Cross-Sex Friendships; by Gender

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

Friendship, and more specifically cross-sex friendship, is defined in different ways,

according to various researchers. For example, OMeara (1989) defines a cross-sex friendship as
a nonromantic, non-familial, personal relationship between a man and a woman, where
sexuality and passion are not necessarily absent from the relationship (O'Meara, 1989). In
comparison to other definitions, Rawlins (1992) defines friendship as a voluntary, personal tie
with a spirit of equality, mutual involvement, and positive affect (Rawlins, 1992). Much of the
research regarding cross-sex friendship points towards strong sexual and romantic attraction as
part of the experience between male and female relationships.
The study of cross-sex friendships has received a lot of attention recently, but research
has not proved to be as conclusive as studying the qualities of same-sex friends. As a number of
studies suggest, people engage in cross- sex friendships to experience different viewpoints,
values and beliefs of the opposite sex. At a young age, it is common for children to engage in
same sex friendships, based on the roles of gender in society. Once an individual reaches young
adolescence, it is more common for these individuals to reach out and engage in more cross-sex
friendships, as they become more interested in dating someone of the opposite sex.
In general, it is common for people to have more same-sex friendships than cross-sex
friendships (Lenton & Webber, 2006). For a long time, researchers neglected the idea of platonic
cross-sex friendships, since cross-sex friendships were viewed as potential romantic relationships
(Lenton & Webber, 2006). However, with further study in recent years, cross-sex friendships are
not as closely correlated with romantic relationships, since they can be strictly platonic, nonexclusive and not ruled by passion (Lenton & Webber, 2006). In this way, cross-sex friendships
differ from same-sex friendships in the challenges individuals face, including: defining the

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

relationship, managing sexual attraction, establishing equality, and managing interference of

others (Lenton & Webber, 2006).
One of the primary reasons for engaging in and maintaining cross-sex friendships is to
gain a better understanding of attitudes, values and beliefs of the opposite sex (Canary &
Emmers-Sommer, 1997). Studies have suggested that there are differing perceptions of cross-sex
friends, depending on the males point of view versus the females point of view. As one study
concluded, females engage in cross-sex friendships in order to experience a more masculine
style of interaction in their friendship. In comparison, males reported the benefits of cross-sex
friendships as an outlet for intimacy, nurturing and emotional support (Reeder, 2000). Similar
research suggests that cross-sex friendships are more beneficial for men than women. Men report
they are more comfortable with intimacy and expression of feelings in cross-sex friendships than
they are disclosing these feelings to same-sex friends. In times of crisis, men are more likely to
seek out a female friend to discuss implications of the situation, rather than seek out a male
friend (Canary & Emmers-Sommer, 1997). In addition, some studies report that men are more
likely perceive a cross-sex friendship in a more sexual manner than women do (Canary &
Emmers-Sommer, 1997). Contrary to these findings, women may choose a same-sex friendship
over a cross-sex friendship in order to avoid suspicion of sexual intentions.
While studying various types of attraction in personal relationships, such as social, task
and physical attraction, most researchers have focused on the variable of sexual attraction in
cross-sex friendships (Reeder, 2000). Some studies revealed sexual attraction as a present
variable, viewing cross-sex friends as sexual partners, while other studies presented low levels of
sexual overtones and the potential for sexual attraction differing by gender (Reeder, 2000). For
example, Bell (1981) studied if sexual attraction in a cross-sex friendship was perceived as a

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

positive or negative impact to the relationship (BELL). In this study, almost half of the women
participants wanted a sexual element within their cross-sex friendship, but only 39% of women
respondents and 20% of men concluded they would refrain from sexual activity with their crosssex friend, fearing the element of sex would ruin their relationship (Reeder, 2000).
Romantic relationships; by Gender
From a young age, society has accepted general stereotypes that have been put on gender.
Women have accepted the stereotype of being emotionally communicative, emotional, caring,
and relationship oriented. Whereas men have stereotypes as being emotionally incompetent,
insensitive, and individually-oriented. These stereotypes have been accepted by society at large,
but it is unclear if these stereotypes actually affect behavior in romantic relationships. There are
four main characteristics in romantic relationships, and it is important to view each characteristic
from both the male and female perspective.
Sexuality
Men are stereotyped to be interested in only the physical aspect of sex, whereas women
are labeled to be more interested in the emotional aspects of the relationship. However, previous
research has indicated that there is no scientific research that has proved these stereotypes
correct. Hendrick and Hendrick (1995) found in comparing U.S. undergraduate women and men
that men reported more sexual partners, and women rated love as more important than the
number of sexual encounters. However, forty-nine of the sixty gender comparisons showed no
differences. Despite this study, other researchers like Tiegs (2007) and Canary (1997) suggest,
gender effects on sexual behaviors are contextual and may result solely from social pressures
and culturally-dictated gender roles. Men and women may not have differences about sex in a
romantic relationship biologically, but because of the cultural perception that women regard

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emotion higher and men regard sexual activity higher, this has become the norm and is widely
accepted.
Relational Support
Relational support is defined as the verbal and nonverbal behaviors that focus and help
solidify a couples partnership (Tannen, 1990). Tannen, (1990) stated that men seek
independence and women seek intimacy. Regarding relationships, he suggested, men do not
need women, but women need men (Tannen, 1990). Buss and Schmitt proposed that women
seek romantic partners that are willing and able to give resources in order to provide for
childrens needs. Biosocial models predict that women have been taught from a young age to be
nurturing and interpersonally focused to live up to gender roles that they will face in the future. It
is the gender roles that separate men and women in characteristics such as commitment and
emotional closeness in the relationship. Hook (2003) conducted a study of United States
undergraduates that found compared to men, women highly regarded qualities such as love,
affection, and emotional sharing. However, men and women had similar levels of comfort with
giving and receiving emotional support.
Verbal communication
Men carry the stereotype of being strong and hyper-masculine which can lead to a lack of
motivation to engage in necessary communication. Women, however, are stereotyped as more
verbally and emotionally expressive and are also more vulnerable. Tannen (1990) states that a
mans need for independence, in turn, causes them to communicate feelings less frequent than
women do. Buss and Schmitt (1993) would agree. Because women are dependent on the
relationship with their mate, they are much more concerned about sharing their feelings with
their partner in order to maintain and improve relationship strength. Men are far less

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

relationship-oriented due to their innate need to impregnate as many women as possible. Which
would leave men with a small need for emotional communication to keep continue a
relationship. Woods (1998) review stated that women favored to verbalize their feelings, while
men preferred to show affection through various activities. This lead Wood to believe that men
and women have contrasting ideas about which behaviors best communicate love within a
relationship. However, Burleson (2003) challenged Woods ideas saying that men and women
have a more in common than they have in comparison to each other. Aylor and Dainton (2004)
also supported the fact that they had more similarities than differences. In their study, they
compared men and women on many different communication elements, and discovered that the
only notable difference was that women were more open in relationships than men were.
Importance
The gender differences that exist within romantic relationships is a very complex concept.
It is important to look at gender through the eyes of society. In todays society, men and women
are stereotyped to fit into a mold that has been already created for them to follow. Men will focus
on the physical aspects of the relationship, and women will focus on the emotional side.
However, biologically speaking the minds of men and women are not very different. Both
genders care about emotion and physicality, but, men have a hard time with the emotional aspect
of the relationship because they do not want to break out of the mold society has created for them
to follow.
Hypothesis and Research Question
The goal of this study is to examine the characteristics of a platonic, cross-sex
friendships. We believe that there are many overlapping qualities between a cross-sex friend and
romantic partner, but want to have a better understanding of what qualities are important in

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

cross-sex friendships, for these relationships have potential to turn into something more. In an
attempt to look at the bigger picture of what someone looks for in potential romantic partner, we
ask the following research question:
RQ: What are the qualities that are most important in cross-sex friendships?
Furthermore, we have established that attractiveness is a huge factor of interest. If attractiveness
in a platonic friendship is a significant predictor of relational satisfaction, then the importance of
attractiveness in a long-term friendship would be confirmed. We pose the following hypothesis:
H1: The higher the level of attractiveness in cross-sex friendships, the higher the
relational satisfaction.
Methods
Design and Procedures/Sample:
For our experiment, research was conducted by handing out printed copies of our consent
form and our survey to participants ranging from the ages of 18 to 23. We chose to utilize printed
copies of our survey and consent form because we feel as though the target population, which is
college students will be better reached this way. Handing out printed surveys is effective and
room for error may be minimal compared to online data collection, which comes with the
potential risk of technological difficulties. We plan on consulting with friends as well as selecting
participants conveniently in classrooms, hallways, and housing of Bryant University to take our
survey.
Before the participants took our survey, we distributed a consent form to inform
participants about our study and why we are doing it. The consent form allows participants to
sign off in agreement to be anonymous for the data collection and results of our research study. It
also provides all the details and information about the reason and purpose for our study. In order

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to participate in our research and complete our survey to the best ability, participants must be
involved in some type of platonic friendship or relationship in which they can evaluate and
answer questions based off of. The informed consent section of our research is very important for
participants to carefully and thoroughly read before partaking in our survey because it will allow
them to completely understand what our study entails and what we are trying to get out of it
based off their answers of their particular relationship. The consent form is not meant to mislead
participants, but instead educate them on what our goal for our research study is.
Participants:
The demographics of the participants that will be included in our study will most likely
be in college as they will be between the ages of 18-23. We found that this was an accurate age
group to select for our study, simply because the answers and outcomes from our survey
questions will contain valuable information for us to analyze after the survey process is
completed. This age group is the most relevant to our variables in our study such as
attractiveness and relational satisfaction, simply because this is the age where participants begin
to date or are single and may or may not yet be looking for a serious romantic partner. It is not
vital for participants to have a dating partner in order to contribute to our survey. All they need is
some type of platonic friendship in order to add significant answers and results to our study.
There will be no risk involved in participating in our research study; we are simply conducting
this study to learn more about the behaviors that take place in cross-sex friendships and romantic
relationships. The participants in our study will consist of approximately one hundred and twenty
college students from the ages of 18-23. We anticipate most of these college students to be from

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

Bryant University as we will be distributing and conducting our survey on the university's
campus for about a week.

Measurements:
Our survey is four pages long and consists of various questions based on scales in order
for us as researchers to better understand the relationships that participants are reporting on.
There are five sections on our survey and each begin with directions and information on what we
will be asking the participants. We made sure to make the survey as clear as possible so that there
are no errors and misleading questions while collecting data and analyzing measurements.
In the first section of the survey, we will address the topic of relational qualities that the
participant finds important in their cross-sex friendship that they are rating. Based off of a study
titled Ideals, Perceptions, and Evaluations in Early Relationship Development by Fletcher,
Simpson, and Thomas (1999) we utilized a scale for participants to rate the importance of
qualities in their cross-sex friendship. The scale measures relational satisfaction, intimacy,
commitment, trustworthiness, attractiveness, passion, and love from very unimportant (1) to
very important (7); number ratings from 1-7. Some of the measures included in the first scale
integrate the independent variables being tested in our hypothesis and research question, the
main ones being relational satisfaction, and attractiveness. This scale is listed first in our survey
because it simply sets the standard of what the participant believes their relationship involves and
what they consider important in a platonic cross-sex friendship. As researchers this will help us
determine the basic qualities that participants deem as imperative in the specific relationship they
are evaluating.

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

In section two of the survey, based off of Koenig, Kirkpatrick and Ketelaars (2007) study
on Misperception of Sexual and Romantic Interests in Opposite-Sex Friendships we begin to
ask participants about certain relational satisfaction qualities that they may or may not have with
their cross-sex friendship. Again we use a scale that has anchors not at all (1) to extremely (7),
respectively. Some of the questions in this section include how satisfied are you with your
friendship, how intimate is your friendship, how connected are you to your friend?, and
how sexually attracted are you to your friend? These questions are more in depth and will
allow us as researchers to get a better perspective on each participants relationship that they are
assessing. The twenty-one questions in this section will show expected correlation with the
cross-sex friendship qualities. Cronbachs alpha provides the strong internal consistency in this
section, suggesting that the survey and its results are reliable.
In section three of the survey, again using Koenig, Kirkpatrick, and Ketelaars (2007)
scales, we begin to question the participant about the relational history and time evolved in the
friendship. We measure this by asking how long have you been close friends with your crosssex friend? From here they are able to answer this question by putting down the number of
months (up to more than 18) on an interval scale. We also ask them if they have ever brought the
discussion of being in a romantic relationship with their cross-sex friendship. This question will
help in better understanding the romantic terms that the participant has either discovered or not
discovered with his or her cross-sex friend.
In section four of our survey, we start to question the participants interest in his or her
cross-sex friend. As we did before, we use an interval scale from 1-7 when asking questions.
Most of the questions on this scale were determined and created by us but also with the guidance
again of Koenig, Kirkpatrick, and Ketelaars (2007) study. Some of the questions include how

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

much do you desire to have casual sex with your friend, how frequently do you think about a
romantic relationship with your cross-sex friend, how attractive do you find your friend.
These questions will be indicators of what relational variable we are trying to correlate and
examine in our study when it comes to participants and the qualities they deem as important in
their friendship.
Finally, in the last section we begin to collect general information on demographics of the
participants taking our survey. We collect the age (ratio), gender (nominal), and college year
level of the participant (ordinal). We also ask if the participant is in a committed romantic
relationship, or if their romantic relationship started from a platonic cross-sex friendship. We
found it would be most effective to ask these general questions at the end of the survey so that
the participant was not mislead in any way shape or form. It is important for us to use all of these
scales prior to collecting general information about the participant so that their answers are not
skewed. We anticipate that all five sections and the scales we utilized in this survey will
accurately measure our research and determine our results to compare back to our hypothesis and
research question.
As our hypothesis states, people are more satisfied in their cross-sex friendship when
there is more attraction between the individuals. To back this up, our research question is
specifically looking for the qualities of cross-sex friendships and the level of importance they
hold. Finding the traits that are unique to a platonic cross-sex friendship will allow us to provide
evidence to support our hypothesis and find an answer to our research question.
While conducting research, our main goal is to find the most important qualities in
platonic, cross-sex friendships and to potentially discover the reasoning why in some cases those
friendships turn into romantic relationships. As stated before, some of the variables we are

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

focusing on in this study are attractiveness and its influence on relational satisfaction and the
way in which friendships transgress from it.
Data Collection:
Prior to deciding to research this topic, a lot of preparation was involved in figuring out
what exactly we wanted to study and the direction we wanted to take it in. We were given the
broad topic of interpersonal relationships and then had to narrow it down to a certain aspect and
specific variables. This was our brainstorming period, where we just threw out whatever ideas
we had in regards to relationships. Our ideas ranged from family relationships to friendships to
romantic relationships. After writing out possible topics for the different categories, we came to
a consensus that the majority of our interests lied in learning more about friendships and what
qualities are important in them and romantic relationships. Our first option was to examine
whether people had more relational satisfaction in their romantic relationship if the individual
and their partner started out as strangers or friends. After doing some research, we realized we
needed to zone in on more of a narrow topic. We then built upon the idea of cross- sex
friendships and decided to focus on the relational qualities that our participants find the most
important in them. Finding articles on the topic sparked our interests and helped us come up
with more constricted ideas of what to research. We then created multiple hypotheses and
research questions to get our ideas flowing. After looking at each one, we chose our most
effective hypothesis and research question. In the end, we chose to focus on platonic cross-sex
friendships in relation to levels of attractiveness and the satisfaction it has on the relationship.
Along with this, we decided we wanted to find the qualities that hold the most importance in a
platonic cross-sex friendship. Now that we had a specific hypothesis and research question, we
had to identify the variables.

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

Some of these variables are sexual attractiveness, physical attractiveness, communication

of feelings, levels of self-disclosure, and different types of love. To specify, our independent
variables

consist

of

seven

qualities;

relational

satisfaction,

intimacy,

commitment,

trustworthiness, attractiveness, passion, and love. After researching other studies, we found
scales to match our variables that would help support our study and would allow us to gain
further information.
Outcome Expectancies:
As described previously, we are using surveys as a method to collect data. To gain the
information we needed, we thought these surveys would be the best way to collect material from
our target audience. We felt as though gaining this data from around one hundred college
students would provide a substantial amount of evidence for our research. It allows us to
examine who is currently in a romantic relationship and who is not. If the specific relationship
that the participant is assessing was built off of a platonic cross-sex friendship, we would then
conclude what qualities and level of satisfaction involved are deemed as important to them in
their relationship.
As discussed earlier, the participant taking the survey is asked to rate the importance of
different qualities they feel with their cross-sex friend. Each participant taking this will most
likely think of a specific cross-sex friend rather than a group of them. This cross-sex friend must
be significant enough in their life to be chosen and evaluated, and the rest of the survey could be
based on their feelings towards this friend. Our survey then delves into interval scales involving
levels of commitment, satisfaction, dependability, attraction, closeness, and passion that
participant feels towards this friend. All of these questions will reveal answers in regards to how
the participants truly feel about their cross-sex friends, and if some of these friendships have the

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

desire to become romantic. By analyzing to see which participants desire more than a platonic
friendship with their friend, we will be able to see if there is a pattern or trend in the way they
rated the importance of certain qualities. This will allow us to examine which qualities can be
attributed to romantic relationships, platonic cross-sex friendships, or both. In hopes of finding
these trends and patterns, our goal is to support our hypothesis and answer our research question
through the data we collected.
Results
Preliminary Analysis:
The first research question asks what qualities do college aged participants deem as most
important in cross-sex friendships. The hypothesis states that the higher the level of
attractiveness in cross sex friendships, the higher the relational satisfaction.

We surveyed 120 college students ranging in ages from 18-22, with the mean age of
participants 20.64. Our sample included 49 men, and 71 women, who made up 41% and 59%
respectively. Looking at grade level, there were .8% (1) freshman, 5.8% (7) sophomores, 37.5%
(45) juniors, and 55.8% (67) seniors. 59.2% of participants reported currently being in a romantic
relationship, while 40.8% reported currently not being in a romantic relationship. 66% of
participants reported that their romantic relationship began from a platonic friendship, while 44%
reported that it did not begin from a platonic friendship.
Looking at the first scale, which asked participants to rate how important various
qualities were in their cross-sex friendship, which was trustworthiness was rated most important
on a 1-7 likert scale (1= very unimportant; 7= very important), with a mean of 6.44. Relational

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

satisfaction came in as second most important with a mean of 5.92, and commitment, came in as
the third most important quality in a cross-sex friendship with a mean of 5.34.
Attractiveness and Relational Satisfaction:
Our main hypothesis was intended to examine the relationship between attractiveness and
relational satisfaction. It predicted that the higher level the attractiveness in a cross-sex
friendship, the higher level of relational satisfaction. To conduct this analysis two Pearson
correlations were conducted; one specifying women, one specifying men. The correlation
between attractiveness and relational satisfaction for men deemed insignificant. For women,
attraction was found to be positively related to relational satisfaction, r (71) = .28, p <.05, which
is considered to be a weak relationship.
Regression; Frequency of thinking about romantic relationship with cross-sex friend:
A multiple linear regression was conducted for women to evaluate how well the
independent

variables

(relational

satisfaction,

intimacy,

commitment,

trustworthiness,

attractiveness, passion, and love,), could predict the dependent variable, (how frequently do you
think about being in a romantic relationship with your friend?), the combination of the
independent variables were significantly related to how frequently one thinks about being in a
romantic relationship with a friend; F(7,63)= 5.68, p < .05. The model summary correlation
coefficient, R, .62, which indicates that approximately 32 percent of the variance how frequently
do you think about being in a romantic relationship with your friend could be accounted for by
the linear combination of relational satisfaction, intimacy, commitment, trustworthiness,
attractiveness, passion, and love. However, only intimacy (t = 2.41, p < .05 = .31) and passion

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

(t = 2.10, p < .05 = .31) accounted for any of the unique variance in how frequently one thinks
about being in a romantic relationship with a friend.
A second multiple linear regression was conducted for men to evaluate how well the
independent

variables

relational

satisfaction,

intimacy,

commitment,

trustworthiness,

attractiveness, passion, and love, could predict the dependent variable, how frequently one thinks
about being in a romantic relationship with a friend, the combination of the independent
variables were significantly related to the how frequently one thinks about being in a romantic
relationship with a friend; F(7,40) = 2.37, p < .05.The sample multiple correlation coefficient, R,
.54, which indicates that approximately 17% of the variance of how frequently one thinks about
being in a romantic relationship with a friend could be accounted for by relational satisfaction,
intimacy, commitment, trustworthiness, attractiveness, passion, and love. However, unlike the
multiple linear regression ran for women, no specific relationship quality took an account for the
variance.
Discussion
Qualities:
Initially, the main goal of our study was to determine the qualities that are considered to
be most important to people in their platonic cross sex friendships. Our results show that the
three most important qualities to our participants are trustworthiness, relational satisfaction, and
commitment. With that being said, these results could mean that a friendship that contains more
trustworthiness, relational satisfaction, and commitment could more easily transform into a
romantic relationship.
According to our study, trustworthiness is the number one quality that people find
important in their cross sex friendships with a mean score of 6.44 out of 7. As previously stated,

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

trustworthiness means that there is a sense of both dependability and honesty within the
friendship. In order to have a sustaining relationship, having the ability to trust someone is
extremely important and our results support this. Relational satisfaction is the second most
important quality to people in their cross-sex friendship with a rating of 5.92. If there is no
relational satisfaction, then not only will the friendship never progress to romantic, but it may
also mean that the friendship itself could diminish. Commitment came in as the third most
important quality in the participants cross-sex friendships, scoring a 5.34. This quality signifies
how important the relationship is to each person and if they anticipate a long lasting friendship.
Our results show that the top three qualities college aged students find most important are
all relative to more of an emotional connection to their friend. Qualities such as passion,
attractiveness, and love were not considered to be central for people in cross-sex friendships.
Perhaps this is because what people are looking for in a friendship differs greatly from what
people are specifically looking for in a romantic relationship. We believe that if someone were
measuring important qualities in a romantic relationship, rather than a platonic friendship, then
qualities such as passion and attraction would rate much higher.
Although intimacy, passion, love, and attraction are not part of the top three qualities
college aged students look for in a platonic cross-sex friendship, we believe that as the
relationship progresses, and if a romantic relationship is something that is potential for the future,
then these qualities will begin to gain more prominence. If two friends have growing intentions
to become romantic at some point, then passion and attractiveness are present and will continue
to increase. A romantic relationship will less than likely last if passion and attraction are not
existent at all.

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

Most friendships are based on items such as trust and the idea that the relationship is
secure. These qualities should also have a large impact on the success of a romantic relationship
as well. A romantic relationship cannot be completely based upon qualities that are solely sexual.
A successful romantic relationship would most likely stem from two people exhibiting qualities
such as trust, relational satisfaction, and commitment. Further study focusing on the important
qualities of a romantic relationship, rather than merely just a platonic, cross-sex friendship, could
bring more reasoning to this question.
Attractiveness:
As we have found in past studies, attractiveness is a very important part of any
relationship. The same holds true for our study. Our hypothesis examined the relationship
between a high level of attractiveness and whether or not that was associated with a high level of
relational satisfaction. For men, the correlation was found insignificant, so we fail to reject the
null hypothesis, thus rejecting the alternative hypothesis. For women, the higher the level of
attractiveness did in fact lead to a higher level of relational satisfaction. With this being said, in
regards to women, we are forced to reject the null hypothesis, since our findings are, indeed,
significant. This challenges our prior research, which was mentioned in the literature review. As
previously stated, men and women tend to accept the roles that are generally recognized in
society. Men have been strongly associated with the ideals of attractiveness as the driving factor
for entering a relationship with the opposite sex, whereas women tend to care more about the
emotional aspect of relationships. Comparing the research conducted previously and the research
that we have orchestrated, the results did not add up.
In order to have a better understanding of how we arrived at these unsuspecting
conclusions, we ran a t-test comparing the two groups, men and women, and how attractive they

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

rated their cross-sex friends on a scale of 1-10. On average, men rated their cross-sex friend a
7.8, while women rated their cross-sex friend an average of 5.97. This was a very intriguing
finding because men, on average, rated their cross-sex friend well above average, compared to
women who considers their cross-sex friends to be average, with various ratings on the likert
scale provided, from 3-7. These results conclude that while men are saying that attractiveness
does not matter in regards to relational satisfaction, it just so happens to be that (on average), the
men surveyed are friends with attractive females. On the contrary, while there was a positive
correlation of attractiveness and relational satisfaction for women, it is important to note that the
women surveyed are not friends with highly attractive men. We can conclude from these findings
that for women, attractiveness is not a driving factor for cross-sex friendship initiation. Instead,
as previously researched, they are more concerned with relational satisfaction, commitment, and
mutual respect and trust as key aspects of their cross-sex friendships.

Possible explanations for men:

There can be various explanations as to why our initial correlation of attractiveness and
relational satisfaction deemed insignificant for men. Perhaps, men rated relational satisfaction
lower because maybe the surveyor was in a dispute with their cross-sex friend during the
timeframe in which the survey was distributed. This would entail that men would still rate their
friend attractive even though they were not satisfied with the relationship. Another explanation,
could be that the surveyor completed the survey in terms of a friend who they found attractive,
but they were not particularly close with. We would have to assume that the relationship is an
early stage, and the surveyor has plans to become closer with this cross-sex friend.

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

Some explanations for attractiveness, would be that men rated higher because they did
not want to rate too low, so they gave the benefit of the doubt and rated higher. There are five
female researchers and one male researcher conducting the present study. The men taking the
survey from one of the female researchers could have felt rude or shallow by rating the
attractiveness of their cross-sex friend too low, resulting in a higher score. There could have
easily been some sort of bias from the participant that would obscure their true feelings, resulting
in higher ratings.
Although men might not be satisfied with the relationship they are in, attractiveness could
be one of the deciding factors for entering and remaining in that relationship. This is significant
because it exemplifies the results of the t-test. According to the research conducted, men value
attractiveness higher than women, so even if a relationship between cross-sex friends has a low
relational satisfaction, men could overlook it and choose to keep the relationship going, solely on
the fact that their friend is attractive.

Possible explanations for women:

As for women, one possible explanation for their lower attractiveness ratings than those
of the men, could be that they were more realistic and honest in their ratings. As previously
stated, because there are five women researchers conducting the present study and only one man,
the women taking the survey may have felt more comfortable and, in turn, answered more
honestly than the men. Another possible explanation for the lower attractiveness scores could be
that those women surveyed who are in a relationship could have put a lower score for their crosssex friend.
Multiple Linear Regressions:

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

Based on the results of the multiple linear regressions, evaluating both men and women
on how frequently they think about being in a romantic relationship with their cross-sex friend,
significance was found for both regressions by sex. The independent variable assessed the
following seven qualities: relational satisfaction, intimacy, commitment, trustworthiness,
attractiveness, passion and love.
Looking at the data collected for women, there was more conclusive findings about
which qualities attribute to the frequency of thinking about being in a romantic relationship with
their cross-sex friend. As the results conclude, about 30% of the variance of the dependent
variable is accounted for by the independent variables of intimacy and passion, both of which
displayed significance. Passion presented a beta coefficient of 0.314, while intimacy presented a
beta coefficient of 0.311, yielding a moderate relationship between the independent variables
(qualities) and the dependent variable (frequency). Positive relationships between these variables
were found between both intimacy and passion and frequency. Therefore, as intimacy increases,
the frequency of a woman to think about being in a romantic relationship with their cross-sex
friend also increases. Similarly with the positive relationships, as passion increases, frequency in
the dependent variable also increases. Both of these qualities significantly account for about 30%
of the variance in determining why women think about being in a romantic relationship with
their cross-sex friend. Additionally, the same regression was run for men in determining their
frequency of thinking about a romantic relationship with their cross-sex friend. Although the data
concludes there is a significance between the dependent variable and the qualities presented in
the independent variable, there was no clear indication about the importance of specific qualities.
The total variance in Adjusted R Square only about 17% of the dependent variable. That being
said, only 17% of the frequency of thinking about being in a romantic relationship with a cross-

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

sex friend was accounted for by the seven qualities presented. Although the same seven qualities
were assessed for both men and women, there were no significant qualities found in men
determining the frequency of thinking about being in a romantic relationship with their cross-sex
friend. The beta coefficients were not individually significant, so no individual qualities could
account for the total variance of the dependent variable.
A potential reasoning for these findings in the multiple linear regressions could be the
difference in sample size, differentiated by sex. We surveyed 120 participants, collecting data
from 71 women and 49 men. If the sample included more collected data from men, the qualities
presented with the independent variable might be more prominent in the explaining the reasoning
for the dependent variable.
Correlations:
Correlations were conducted for both men and women with the scale that we created
about the desire of having sex and being in a romantic relationship with your cross-sex friend, as
well the frequency of having casual sex with your cross-sex friend.
Once all of our data was compiled and we ran tests, we found that one of our correlations
that we ran for both men and women regarding sex and intention of romantic relationship with
their cross-sex friend. As a group, we decided not to include this correlation in our results
section, since the results did not directly pertain to answering our research question or
hypothesis, since we were more focused on the qualities of cross-sex friendships. Although both
of these correlations presented cases for significance between the dependent and independent
variables, the results did not conclude evidence in defining the purpose of our research study.
Limitations:

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

While conducting research on friendships and the qualities that impact relational
satisfaction, there were certainly some limitations that were encountered throughout our study.
We initially were going to look at the different qualities between romantic relationships and
platonic friendships and the correlation between them; further examining what limits friendships
from not turning into romantic relationships. However, we decided that a more effective route to
take in our study would be to simply look at the relational qualities that participants deem as
important in a platonic cross-sex friendship. Based on the results found on friendship qualities,
we could then get an idea of what romantic qualities may be important for those who are crosssex platonic friends. Towards the middle of our survey, we ask participants on a likert scale how
attractive they think their cross-sex friend is; on the contrary, one limitation we found was that
including a scale that allows participants to rate how attractive they think they are would be
valuable data to add to our collection. This could present some of the participants level of
confidence in themselves and allow us to correlate their rating of the cross-sex friends
attractiveness with their rating. Another limitation we found in our research was that conducting
another survey after our original survey would have been helpful. For example, after participants
filled out the survey based on qualities in a cross-sex friendship, we then would have them fill
out a survey, which would require them to think about a romantic partner. This would be very
helpful for us to compare data and statistics in the participants answers. It would be interesting to
look at the correlation between what is important in a cross-sex platonic friendship versus a
romantic relationship; if any of these qualities intersected in importance it would be valuable to
our research and findings overall.
Further Research:

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

With the limitations aside, our study offers direction for further research regarding
platonic cross-sex friendships and romantic relationships. As previously stated, our initial focus
in this study was to see what qualities in a platonic cross-sex friendship could correlate with a
romantic relationship. For the most part, our survey dealt with qualities that can pertain to both
cross-sex friendships and romantic relationships. However, as we progressed, our main goal
shifted in finding out which qualities were most important in a cross-sex friendship. Our
research focused on the importance of certain qualities such as, relational satisfaction, intimacy,
commitment, trustworthiness, attractiveness, passion, and love. As stated previously, qualities of
trustworthiness, relational satisfaction, and commitment were most important to the participants
in regards to their cross-sex friendships. Since our survey only asked participants to base the
importance of these qualities on a certain cross-sex friend of theirs, we were not able to see if
their views on these qualities would have changed in regards to a romantic relationship instead.
As stated in our limitations, another survey with the same scales and questions, but based on a
current or potential romantic relationship instead of a platonic cross-sex friendship, would be
useful for further research.
Furthermore, at the end of our survey we asked participants to check off if they were
currently in a romantic relationship or not. Depending on if the participant was in a relationship
or not, the results could give insight on future romantic relationships between platonic cross-sex
friends. The last two scales in our survey are more personal and ask the participant to rate their
view on casual sex and a romantic relationship with their cross-sex friend. We asked participants
to think of their friend and rate the likeliness of casual sex to occur, the desire for it to occur, and
the frequency of how much they think about it occurring. The same questions were asked, but in
respect to a romantic relationship instead of casual sex. Since the only decisive findings for

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

which qualities attribute to which dependent variable was found in the data for women, further
research could focus more on the men. We were able to see there was a significance between the
dependent variable and the qualities in the data for the men, but a further in depth study of this
will be able to determine exactly which qualities account for the variance. Future research for
this could be done through collecting data from a larger sample size of men, or asking more
specific questions about qualities male participants look for and value in a romantic partner
compared to a cross-sex friend.
In addition, future research could be done to include the topic of friends with benefits.
Although our study does not focus on friends with benefits, finding the qualities that pertain and
hold importance in a friends with benefits relationship could help determine which qualities
overlap and correlate with those of a platonic cross-sex friendship and of a romantic relationship.
Through our findings, emotional qualities took importance over physical qualities for cross-sex
friendships. Assuming that a friends with benefits relationship would attribute for more of the
physical qualities, and a romantic relationship would attribute for a mix of both emotional and
physical; future research could help pinpoint which specific qualities have the most importance
in which style of relationship. Not only could this research support which qualities affect which
aspects of a relationship, but it also helps determine whether there is the possibility of a future
romantic relationship, based on if the participant rates the other person in regards to more
emotional or physical qualities. Future investigations will be enhanced if romantic qualities are
focused on just as much as cross-sex friendship qualities. The comparisons will help define the
importance of those qualities and how they impact a participants satisfaction in the relationship.

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

QUALITIES IN CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS

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