Barthes Pentagon; Home is Where the Heart is

Melanie Cucunato
Freshman Seminar: Ways of Love
Professor Lucio Angelo Privitello, Ph.D.
Richard Stockton College of NJ
November 25, 2014
Barthes was a French structuralist who published A Lovers Discourse: Fragments in
1978. Within this novel, Barthes has numerous beautiful quotes about falling in love and what
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the meaning of love is. He also points out many things that lovers should remember when in a
relationship or when falling in love. Some of the best quotes were chosen and put onto a
pentagon where each corner of the pentagon has a special quote. When the quotes were each
attached to its own vertex, a realization occurred. A pentagon looks a lot like a house with a
foundation, walls, and a roof. And so, welcome to the house of things lovers should remember.
In a house, the bottom most level is the foundation which provides support and stabilizes
the rest of the house. What lovers should remember to create a good foundation is to first
discover oneself and to provide support and stability in the relationship. Before anyone can be in
a relationship with another person, another mind, another existing person, one must first be able
to understand their own wants and needs and the influence that this has on the relationship.
Barthes says, the true site of originality and strength is neither the other nor myself, but
our relation itself...most of my injuries come from the stereotype: I am obliged to make myself a
lover, like everyone else: to be jealous, neglected, frustrated, like everyone else. When the
relation is original, the stereotype is shaken...i When two lovers are wholly themselves in a
relationship together, the stereotype of what everyone else expects a lover to be disappears
because the lover and the loved are not being held to any expectations. A relationship is original
and unique, and in this uniqueness, the lovers are able to be who they truly are, instead of just
walking around and being with people who are expected to be a their type.ii It is important to
be in love with a person for who they are and not some idea of what they can be. To try and put
this in perspective, if one dated another who had a crooked tooth, and they adored that crooked
tooth, but their other cheated on them. After some time goes by, they will start dating again and if
the only people date they are people with crooked teeth because they believe that is their type,
those relationships are not original. They are based off of something that once was. The whole

time that one is in the relationship with people who remind them of another other, they might
grow to be paranoid that they are going to not be loyal like the other person with the crooked
tooth. These relationships would then fall as a type that you're looking for because you're trying
to find something that you desired. However, if one dated someone with perfect teeth but with a
lazy eye, then that relationship becomes unique and magical because it is new and beautiful. One
would not have to feel scared of what happened in the past because this relationship is special
with different traits to relish.
So I shall suffer with the other, but without pressure, without losing myself.iii This is important
for lovers to remember, and is in the foundation because it is important to not lose oneself in a
relationship. Like Barthes puts earlier, His misery bears him far away from me, I can only
exhaust myself running after him, without ever hoping to be able to catch up, to coincide with
him.iv It would be exhausting to constantly try to be miserable when the other is miserable, and
at that, what good would come from that? It would just bring two miserable people into the
world. What is important for lovers to remember is to always be compassionate with the other,
and to feel the hurt that they feel or the joy or the sadness, but to still be oneself and to still be
support for the person with what they are feeling. If the other is sad, then recognize their sadness,
but be joyful and try to cheer them up and to move on.
The walls of a house protect the inside where people live, where the furniture is, where the living
goes on. What lovers should remember to make walls is protection and vulnerability. Without the
walls, the inside of the house would have to go through the destruction of the outside elements.
In a relationship, without the willingness to be vulnerable towards the other, the relationship
would suffer in intimacy.

To scrutinize means to search: I am searching the others body, as if I wanted to see

what was inside it, as if the mechanical cause of my desire were in the adverse body (I am like
those children who take a clock apart in order to find out what time it is)v Being vulnerable to
someone means being exposed to them. It is as if the lover cuts open the body and looks inside at
the organs in order to find out more about their lover. As if within the body is the secret to why a
lover loves the other. Being so vulnerable and so exposed to another person takes a lot of
courage. As Barthes puts it, I am calm, attentive, as if I were confronted by a strange insect of
which I am suddenly no longer afraid.vi When confronted with the choice to be vulnerable in
front of the other, one has to be no longer afraid as if being vulnerable was the strange insect. A
lover has to not be afraid to let the other inside the walls of the house. Lovers should remember
to not be afraid to open themselves up and let their other see even the darkest corners of their
heart.
Protection in a relationship should be remembered by lovers because protecting another person is
preventing them from suffering hurt or pain. When one recognizes that the loved is dependent on
the lover, then the lover should go through whatever it takes to protect them. These descents of
decisions are sometimes staggered, for the other, too, may be subject to an instance beyond his
powers, so that I am twice subject: to the one I love and to his dependencyvii When a person is
dependent on another person, there is a lot of power within the relationship. Protection does not
happen without trust too, and when a lover trusts in their other to not take advantage of their
dependency, the relationship becomes a beautiful story. Lovers should remember protection and
trust to build their walls because having the protection and trust of a lover protects the heart from
heartbreak, just as the walls of a house protects the inside from damage.

The roof of the house is all encompassing. Think of it like this, one can still have a house with
only floors and walls, but without a roof, one will still be rained on. The roof completes the
house.
The other is my good and my knowledge: only I know him, only I make him exist in his
truth....Conversely, the other establishes me in truth: it is only with the other that I feel I am
myself.viii It is important for lovers to remember this, because when in love, the other seems to
complete the lover and vice versa. If the love is real and if the love is true, one will not be able to
go through a day without talking to the other, without thinking of the other. When the other has
completely consumed all thoughts, feelings, and actions, that is when one can say, I am in
love.ix Lovers should always remember the roof to their house because they should find an other
who completes them, a person who compliments their existence. Once one has found their roof,
their house is complete.
Ever heard of the saying home is where the heart is? Well, in this pentagon, home is literally
where the heart is. The heart is the most important organ in the body, it is the central driving
power for living organisms. In this pentagon, right in the center, there is a heart inside the house.
This heart is what turns a house into a home. Barthes says, But the other is absent; I invoke the
other inwardly to keep me on the brink of this mundane complacency, a temptation... I make the
others absence responsible for my worldliness: I invoke the others protection, the others return:
let the other appear, take me away...x When the other is absent, Barthes literally thinks of his
love to take him away from wherever he is to take him home, which is anywhere he is with his
lover. Wherever a lover goes, they should always remember that the other is always close to
them in thought.

A pentagon looks a lot like a

The other is my good and my knowledge: only I know him,

only I make him exist in his truth....Conversely, the other

house, and when one adds quotes

to it and metaphors, it could work
out to be a beautiful paper of what

establishes me in truth: it is only with the other that I feel I am

myself...I am in love
SR 76

lovers should remember. Lovers

should remember to build a house. They need a foundation to provide stability and support.
Stability within themselves to know what they want in a relationship and what they are searching
for is new and unique. Support within the relationship for when life throws obstacles at the lover
and the loved. They will need walls to keep the insides protected and to learn a lesson in
vulnerability. Protection because trust and dependency in a relationship can lead to a lot of power
within a relationship. When protected, the lover and loved are prevented from suffering hurt. A
lesson in vulnerability because when a lover is falling in love, they must be open with the other.
They need an all encompassing roof to complete the house. The completion of the house is like
To scrutinize means to search: I am

the completion of having another who compliments ones personality

searching the others body, as if I

and life. Most of all, lovers should always remember to turn a house

wanted to see what was inside it, as if

into a home.

the mechanical cause of my desire

were in the adverse body (I am like
those children who take a clock apart
in order to find out what time it is)...I

These descents of decisions

am calm, attentive, as if I were

are sometimes staggered, for

confronted by a strange insect of

the other, too, may be subject

which I am suddenly no longer

to an instance beyond his

afraid.

powers, so that I am twice

subject: to the one I love and

to his dependency
SR 62

End Notes

the true site of originality and

But the other is absent; I invoke the

So I shall suffer with the other, but

strength is neither the other nor

other inwardly to keep me on the brink

without pressure, without losing

myself, but our relation itself...most of

of this mundane complacency, a

myself....His misery bears him far away

my injuries come from the stereotype:

temptation... I make the others

I am obliged to make myself a lover,

absence responsible for my

like everyone else: to be jealous,

worldliness: I invoke the others

neglected, frustrated, like everyone

else. When the relation is original, the
stereotype is shaken...

from me, I can only exhaust myself

running after him, without ever hoping to
be able to catch up, to coincide with him.

protection, the others return: let the

other appear, take me away...

SR 57

SR 51

i SR 54, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

ii SR 54, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

iii SR 57, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

iv SR 57, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

v SR 59, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

vi SR 59, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

vii SR 62, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

viii SR 76, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

ix SR 76, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse

x SR 51, Barthes, A Lovers Discourse