PROPOSAL ARGUMENT FULL DRAFT PEER REVIEW writer Abel Rna Reviewer__Heather Arce Address the following as you read the paper: 1. Highlight any use of 2" person in the essay.~ 2. Highlight words and phrases that are particularly effective, vivid, and memorable.“ 3, Which sentences seem particularly effective? Place (8) next to them 4 Circle words and phrases that seem dull, vague, unclear, or weak for the audience or the writer's purpose, and include suggestions for improvement. ” Underline any rhetorical questions in the essay Mark any errors in spelling, punctuation, or capitalization. ¥ Address the following after you have read the paper: 7. What is the defined need or problem that the proposal addresses? _ (a of auctioneda Ds Med. Is the thesis clear and concise? 1 N 9. Is itimmediately evident why the claim is important? 62 / N 10, Write the claim using the following formula A shoul do because of C assaf aheuld 11, How does the writer establish credibil . pats 12, What appears to be the strongest evidence tipped for the claim? Place (3) next to it in th€ document 13, What evidence needs to be strengthened? Place (4) next to it in the document. 14, Does the proposal appear feasible?() /N If not, what might the writer consider in order to address feasibility? 15, Who do you Feel is the intended audience? Does the paper appear to address that audience? OIN 17. How are th parts of the argument organized? Is this organization ead IN Will readers understand the relationships among the claims, supporting reasons, warrants, and evidence? (J / N If not, what could be one to make those connections clearer? Are more transitional words and phrases needed?20. Does the writer utilize the correct MLA formatting style and documentation for all parenthetical and bibliographical citations? (Y / N Provide suggestions in document, Are all quotations appropriately introduced with introductory signal phrases (such as “As Wilson argues,...") and blended smoothly into the writer’s sentence structure? (0) N Provide suggestions for improvement. Overall, what comments do you have for how this essay could be improved? Write comments on essay. Com tanger 2h: soo by plainig why voter fone at odllictine. Com obo oe om Leyte Oo wicker pom Hak hos Gem ohewen Le he eulelictis. Hod woud Micreoeft inclicle din Ahecr awareness pryprorn ?Abel Pena Professor Bevill ENGL 1302-06 21 November 2016 ‘Video Game Addiction Proposal. Video game addiction affects more than an estimated 15% of video game players. Video game addiction, like other forms of addiction, is a serious issue and can lead to many other problems socially, physically and financially. Those who play video games addictively may ‘eventually suffer from many social problems such as weakened relations with friends and family, a decline in social skills, and social awkwardness. These players may also suffer from problems physically, developing carpal tunnel syndrome, chronic back problems, sleep deprivation and in 9 very extreme cases, death. Video game addiction is a serious issue which is not as widely known as a serious problem even though those that are addicted can be seriously damaged by this addiction. There needs to be more widespread recognition of video game addiction to help those that may need it, Many parents may be unaware of the problems excessive video game playing may cause. The players themselves are also at fault due to their denial of the problem they may have. Microsoft should create an awareness program for all players to increase awareness of video game addiction and to help prevent it. Video game addiction isa serious issue that affects more and more people today. This, form of addition becan affect everybody who has acess to video gameslan lead to serious consequences. Pfayers will spend a large amount of their time playing video games;which leaves them with no time to put into other activities or responsibilities one may have. Some players get addicted due to the game’s addictive nature and will affect players in ways that are unnoticed andPena 2 denied by the addict. Player’s relationships with friends and family will decline due to not spending time with them and choosing to play games instead. Those addicted also neglect the social interactions with othersjinstead replacing them with in game relationships and social responsibilities. Physically, players will also suffer with an increased risk for developing carpal tunnel syndrome, chronic back problems and an unhealthy diet. Video game addiction is an unrecognized disease that must be recognized by gamers as a possible illness. In order to help prevent video game addiction and spread awareness of this problem, Microsoft should create an awareness program for players. An awareness program created by a large tech company who has a large share in the video game market will make a large impact in the gaming community, ACcording to Microsoft's earning release of the second quarter ofthe 2016 fiscal year, the amount of xbox live players increased 30% to a record 48 million active users (Earnings Release 1). Microsoft has a large amount of players they can possibly reach and inform on video game addiction. Microsoft can release mass messages to xbox live users through their consoles and the xbox app on computers that could redirect users to a video or website educating them on the consequences of video game addiction. Additionally, those who believe that they or someone they know could be affected find out how and where o get help. ‘New users will have to go through the website before being able to play on their console or computer so that all users understand video game addiction. This would help spread awareness to players and let them know of the consequences of video game addiction and how to prevent obsessive game play. Most games have a small disclaimer warning players to take a fifteen-minute break for every hour that you play but this disclaimer is not very effective at stopping players According to a poll on The Escapist, out of 153 players, only 8 players take breaks during gaming sessions (1).