WP2 Revisions

My first paragraph before revision I felt was jumbled and not to the point at all. I
didnt introduce my topic very well or describe what my article will look like at all. My
first paragraph is also a mess between trying to introduce immigration as the main issue
but also introducing the articles theme of genres and genre conventions. Thus in my
revised article I split the intro paragraph in two and organized my material and arguments
much better.
In the body paragraphs of my paper I did a lackluster job linking topics together
and relating each individual topic to the main argument I was trying to present. I tried to
give my topics more contextual sentences without summarizing too much. My essay in
general also lacked enough evidence to adequately reinforce the many claims I was
making. In my revisions you can see a few added sources such as Investopedia and
quotes from a Global Studies class syllabus. Also in my essay I sometime presented
arguments without providing any additional commentary. I imagine my reader wouldve
been somewhat confused as to why I went into detail on only a select amount of the
points I made. With this in mind I deleted some sentences while adding in more dialogue
other points I made. I felt my original essay was not aimed enough and thus by reducing
the amount the number of arguments while at the same time bolstering the arguments I
had already made my revised essay would than be much stronger and more coherent.