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Quotes About Humor
Quotes tagged as "humor" (showing 1-30 of 3,000)

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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and
I'm not sure about the universe.

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Albert Einstein
tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
112368 likes

So many books, so little time.

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Frank Zappa
tags: books, humor

104689 likes

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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Mae West
tags: humor, life

93990 likes

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Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting
different results.

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humor

Narcotics Anonymous
tags: humor, insanity, life, misattributed-ben-franklin, misattributed-mark-twain, misattributed-to-einstein
55810 likes

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a

good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

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Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

tags: aliteracy, books, classic, humor

42861 likes

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog

it's too dark to read.

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Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About

Groucho Marx
tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor

33973 likes

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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

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Steve Martin
tags: humor, obvious, simile

32862 likes

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after
tomorrow just as well.

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Mark Twain
tags: humor, procrastination

32076 likes

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they

go by.

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Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing

28550 likes

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian

must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

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Garrison Keillor
tags: humor, religion

27397 likes

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea.

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 Robert A. Heinlein
tags: cats, humor, women

26480 likes

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't

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hurt.
Charles M. Schulz
tags: chocolate, food, humor

24751 likes

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary

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from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a

black eye.
Jim Henson
tags: humor

24570 likes

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it

happens.

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Woody Allen
tags: death, fear, humor, life

23141 likes

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

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Paul Terry
tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins

23052 likes

Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that
you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be
thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things
that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why
is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are
pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like
saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's
done all right for himself.

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John Green
tags: humor, nerdfighters

21611 likes

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on

the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

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Groucho Marx
tags: books, humor, reading, television

20447 likes

The story so far:

In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely
regarded as a bad move.

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Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

tags: humor, scifi

19380 likes

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they

must lead.

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Charles Bukowski
tags: humor

18814 likes

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people

will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

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Terry Pratchett, Diggers

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking

18765 likes

Reality continues to ruin my life.

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Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life

I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!

18410 likes
Like

 Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 5: 1959-1960

tags: humor, mankind, people

17647 likes

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

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Benjamin Franklin Wade

tags: humor, misattributed-mark-twain, philosophy, theology

17573 likes

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose

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answers I accept.
George Carlin
tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth

17518 likes

Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me

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anytime you feel like it.

Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
tags: humor

17381 likes

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

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W.C. Fields
tags: humor, sinister

17241 likes

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to

love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

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Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

tags: humor, love, romantic, women

15597 likes

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all

could.

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Charles J. Sykes, Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children

Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write or Add
tags: humor, misattributed-to-bill-gates, nerd, nerds, work

15360 likes

Its no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different

person then.

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Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

tags: alice, humor, inspirational, philosophy-of-life, psychological, yesterday

14445 likes

Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal

spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.

Like

J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

tags: humor, rebellion, sarcasm

13546 likes

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