BAD GIRLS

THE MUSICAL
Book by

MAUREEN CHADWICK
& ANN MCMANUS
Music and Lyrics by

KATH GOTTS
Originally directed by Maggie Norris
Orchestrations by Martin Koch

LIBRETTO / VOCAL BOOK

Josef Weinberger Limited

12 - 14 Mortimer Street
London W1T 3JJ

Tel: +44 (0)20-7580 2827 Fax: +44 (0)20-7436 9616

general.info@jwmail.co.uk www.josef-weinberger.com

BAD GIRLS THE MUSICAL

Copyright 2007 by Maureen Chadwick, Kath Gotts and Ann McManus
All Rights Reserved
PHOTOCOPYING THIS COPYRIGHT MATERIAL IS ILLEGAL

Applications to perform this musical must be made,

BEFORE REHEARSALS COMMENCE, to:
JOSEF WEINBERGER LIMITED
12 - 14 Mortimer Street
London W1T 3JJ
United Kingdom
Tel: +44 (0)20 7580 2827
Fax: +44 (0)20 7436 9616
www.josef-weinberger.com

December 2008

BAD GIRLS

THE MUSICAL
CAST
THE PRISON OFFICERS
THE NUMBER ONE
Grade: Governing Governor

The Number One likes a quiet life and has always felt that the old boys network
is the best way of sorting things out to his satisfaction. The appointment of Helen
Stewart as Wing Governor has been imposed upon him and grudgingly accepted.
But it wouldnt take much briefing against her for him to recommend her swift
removal from Larkhall.
HELEN STEWART
Grade: Wing Governor (Grade 5)
As a graduate fast-tracker, Helen is held in contempt by old hands such as Fenner
and Hollamby who both firmly believe that there is no substitute for experience and
jailcraft. Shes idealistic and genuinely concerned about the welfare of the inmates
in her care, but good intentions arent always enough to win the battle. She soon
realises the old guard doesnt play fair and if shes going to beat them shell need
friends in low places...
SYLVIA BODYBAG HOLLAMBY
Grade: Senior Officer
As far as Sylvia is concerned happiness is door-shaped and it would make her life
a hell of a lot easier if prisoners were just kept locked in their cells 24/7. She admires
Jim Fenner immensely, and shares his conviction that the Wing Governor job
should have gone to him instead of to Helen Stewart. She is, however, blind to the
full extent of Jims misdemeanours with the prisoners, and would be genuinely
shocked if she knew.

JIM FENNER
Grade: Principal Officer
Jims a man who likes to run things in prison his own way, rather than by the book,
and hell use whatever means necessary. He can easily justify his pastoral role
with prisoners; the women have come on strong to him, hes got what they need and
hes happy to give it to them. So wheres the harm? His unholy alliance with Shell
Dockley keeps him in the picture about whats happening on the wing as well as
providing some on the job recreation.
JUSTIN MATTISON
Grade: Officer (Basic)
Justin is a new junior officer, a fresh young puppy dog who really does want to do
good, and thinks that Helen is absolutely perfect, not only as Wing Governor, but
maybe even something more . . . Bursting with integrity and rather shy, Justin is
easily teased by the older women prisoners in particular. But as he firmly tells
Yvonne, if you want to screw a screw, youve picked the wrong one.
Other Prison Officers (as required).

THE PRISONERS
NIKKI WADE
Sentence: Life for killing a policeman who was attempting to rape her girlfriend.
Most of the inmates on G-Wing look up to Nikki. Before her conviction Nikki used
to run a nightclub with her girlfriend. Shes intelligent and street-wise with a strong
sense of natural justice because of the injustice she herself has suffered. Shes no
ones fool and she easily sees through the likes of corrupt officer Jim Fenner. But
she doesnt always help her own case by being too quick to fly off the handle.
DENNY BLOOD
Sentence: 7 years for arson she burned down her childrens home.
Despite her tough exterior, Dennys upbringing has left her desperate for love and
attention, making her very easy to manipulate and thats something Shell Dockley
is expert at doing. Denny is Shells fixer and not being the sharpest knife in the
drawer shes always willing to do Shells bidding without question. One day,
however, shes going to have to find a voice of her own

SHELL DOCKLEY
Sentence: Life for the kidnap, torture and eventual murder of the woman who
stole her boyfriend.
Before sentencing Shell to life, the judge presiding over her trial described her as
evil personified, a tag she never has a problem living up to. Whether its taxing
another inmate for her drugs stash or the intimidation of a weaker prisoner, Shell
displays an equal amount of cunning and ruthlessness to get her own way. She
considers herself Jim Fenners right-hand woman and trades on the special
privileges she gets for services rendered.
YVONNE ATKINS
Sentence: 4 years for conspiracy to commit murder she hired a hitman to bump
off a business rival of her husband, Charlie.
Yvonnes as tough as nails; a working-class girl made rich through gangland boss
Charlies criminal gains. Shes intimidating, ruthless and glamorous. When she
arrives at Larkhall she makes a huge impression on the other women and wastes no
time in taking over the Top Dog position from Shell Dockley. Shes also warm and
generous and a force for good against G-Wings bullies officers and inmates alike.
NOREEN BIGGS
Sentence: 3 months for shoplifting ties from a department store.
Recidivist old-timer Noreen regularly gets itchy fingers in the shops and cant resist
the thrill of picking up a few treats. As times gone on shes more at home in prison
than anywhere else and shes been round the system so many times she knows
exactly how to play it to her advantage. Noreen loves a bit of bother and is
always ready to stoke a fight from the sidelines.
CRYSTAL GORDON
Sentence: 12 months for persistent shoplifting
As a bible-bashing Christian, Crystal often takes a critical view of her fellow
inmates and believes that the prison regime is too soft especially where drugs are
concerned. She can be self-righteous and totally blind to her own selfcontradictions and often comical as a result. But at heart shes a kind and caring
person who does believe in standing up for whats right.
RACHEL HICKS
Sentence: 30 months for possession (2 ecstacy tablets) with intent to supply.
When Rachel arrives at Larkhall as a first time offender shes scared and isolated
and distraught about the fact that her baby has been taken into care. Shes got
victim written all over her and is easy prey for prison bully Shell Dockley. She

naively trusts Jim Fenner to look after her, but soon discovers that his special
attention isnt quite the sort of protection she had imagined.
THE TWO JULIES
Sentence: 2 years for theft. Julie Saunders and partner-in-crime Julie Johnston
stole money from clients while working as hotel prostitutes.
The Julies have taken the same name and styled themselves as a sisterly double act.
Theyll always be there for each another and thats their lifeline for surviving
prison. Both are mums, and it was trying to make ends meet for their children that
drove them into prostitution in the first place. Julie S has a son, David, whose
private education is paid for with the proceeds from her life of crime. Theyve got
hearts of gold and will always help a friend in need.

Other Prisoners, incl. KAT, NATALIE and SPIKE

PLACE
H. M. Prison, Larkhall
TIME
The present
THE STORY
BAD GIRLS THE MUSICAL takes as its starting point the original core characters
from the first three series of Bad Girls on TV. Set in the fictional HMP Larkhall, its
the story of new idealistic Wing Governor Helen Stewart and her battles with the
entrenched old guard of Officer Jim Fenner and his sidekick Sylvia Hollamby. It
also follows the love story that develops between Helen and charismatic inmate
Nikki Wade. Other featured characters include Shell Dockley and her runner Denny
Blood, old-timer Noreen Biggs, The Two Julies and the ultimate Top Dog, King-ofGanglands missus, Yvonne Atkins.
A tragic death on the wing in which Jim Fenner is implicated leads to an angry
protest from the women and forces Helen and Nikki to their opposite sides of the
bars. But when its clear that Helen stands to lose her job over Jim Fenners
misdeeds, the race is on for the women to nail Jim once and for all.

BAND
INSTRUMENTATION
WOODWIND 1 Flute / Alto Saxophone
WOODWIND 2 Clarinet in Bb / Soprano Saxophone / Tenor Saxophone
TRUMPET dbl. Flugelhorn
2 KEYBOARDS
BASS
DRUMS dbl. Percussion
[Bell Tree / Tambourine / Crotales / Glockenspiel / Castanets]

SOUND EFFECTS [SFX]

Scene changes, unless music is specifically indicated, should be covered by a nonnaturalistic soundscape of echoing prison sounds Locks, Bolts and Bars loud
slamming doors, keys in locks, jangling key chains, the metallic scrape of metal
against metal all amidst the general background hubbub of prison life and
creating a sense of isolation and oppression by a relentless prison machine.

MUSICAL NUMBERS
ACT ONE
SCENE TWO
1.

I Shouldnt Be Here (Prisoners)

SCENE THREE
2.

Guardian Angel (Shell and Denny)

SCENE FOUR
3.

Jailcraft (Jim and Sylvia)

SCENE FIVE
4.

One Moment (Nikki)

SCENE SIX
5.

Life Of Grime (The Two Julies and Prisoners)

6.

The A-List (Yvonne and Prisoners)

SCENE EIGHT
7.

The Key (Jim)

SCENE NINE
8.

The Way It Is (Company)

8a.

Riot Music (Instrumental)

ACT TWO
SCENE ONE
9.

Freedom Road (Crystal and Chorus)

SCENE TWO
10.

The Future Is Bright (Jim, Sylvia and Officers)

10a.

The Future Is Bright Playoff (Instrumental)

SCENE FOUR
11.

Sorry (Julie S)

11a.

Scene Change (Instrumental)

SCENE SEVEN
12.

Every Night (Helen and Nikki)

SCENE EIGHT
13.

All Banged Up (Yvonne and The Two Julies)

14.

The Baddest And The Best (Nikki, Denny, Justin, Prisoners)

14a.

Scene Change (Instrumental)

SCENE NINE
15.

First Lady (Jim and Shell)

15a.

The Baddest And The Best Reprise (Shell and Chorus)

SCENE TEN / ELEVEN

16.

This Is My Life (Helen, Nikki, Yvonne and Prisoners)

16a.

This Is My Life Optional Playoff (Instrumental)

17.

Curtain Call (Yvonne and Prisoners)

18.

Playoff (Optional) (Instrumental)

BAD GIRLS
THE MUSICAL
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE

HMP LARKHALL Reception. [SFX: A loud desolate bang echoes across the prison soundscape.]
New prisoner RACHEL HICKS stands with her back to us, in her knickers, being strip-searched by
Senior Officer SYLVIA HOLLAMBY.
SYLVIA

Arms out. Lift your bosoms up for me.

(RACHEL complies, shaking with fear and humiliation.)

SYLVIA (contd)

Have to get the doctor to give you some pills, stop you leaking. Right, now
cover your top half and take your knickers off.
(She hands Rachel a towel. RACHEL is reluctant. SYLVIA rolls her eyes.)

SYLVIA (contd)

Dont worry, you havent got anything I havent seen a thousand times before.
(New Wing Governor HELEN STEWART enters. SYLVIA smarms.)

SYLVIA (contd)

Morning, Maam. (Holds out a file.) Hicks, Rachel. Eighteen months for
possession with intent to supply.
(RACHEL turns, holding the towel to her chest, teary faced.)

RACHEL

But I never its a lie!

SYLVIA

(to RACHEL) Eh, you, you speak when youre spoken to.

HELEN

(she takes the file, sharp) Right, I think were done here.

SYLVIA

But, Maam

HELEN

Thank you, Mrs Hollamby.

(SYLVIA exits.)

HELEN (contd)

Come on, Rachel. Ill take you through for your medical. Youre on G Wing.
(HELEN leads RACHEL away.)

SCENE TWO

HMP LARKHALL G Wing Landing and Servery.

TANNOY

Unlock will now commence.

[SFX: Locks, bolts and bars the clanking sounds of the prison machine
awakening for another day.]
(Welcome to G Wing the prisoners emerge from their cells to introduce
themselves, featuring: SHELL DOCKLEY, CRYSTAL GORDON, DENNY BLOOD,
JULIE JOHNSTON & JULIE SAUNDERS and NIKKI WADE.)
Music No. 1: I SHOULDNT BE HERE (PRISONERS)

SHELL

Shell Dockley. Lifer. Murder. Well just a bit of torture, really. Didnt expect the
dozy twat to go and die on me. Pathetic!
BUT NO-ONE MESSES WITH MY MAN
AND GETS AWAY WITH THEIR FACE INTACT
ITS AN OBVIOUS FACT
I WAS BOUND TO REACT
THAT DOUBLE D CUP SLAPPER WAS GONNA GET WHACKED
I SHOULDNT BE HERE . . .

CRYSTAL

Crystal Gordon. Twelve months. Shoplifting. But the good book says the Lord
helps them who helps themselves.
ALL THEM SHOPS GO FLAUNTING THEIR GOODS IN YOUR FACE
ITS ASKING FOR GRIEF, MAN
IN THE CIRCUMSTANCE OF MY CASE
ITS MY BELIEF THAT
I WAS DOING IT FOR JESUS
I WAS DOING IT FOR JESUS
LIKE HE DID IN THE TEMPLE STORY
FOR THE LORD GODS GREATER GLORY
BUT INSTEAD OF CHUCKING IT DOWN OFF THE SHELF
I STUFFED IT IN MY RUCKSACK
AND KEPT IT FOR MYSELF
I SHOULDNT BE HERE . . .

DENNY

Denny Blood. Seven years. Arson. It was a rubbish kids home anyway!
I WANTED A LIFE
I WANTED A MUM
THEY SAID IF YOURE GOOD, DEN
MAYBE ONE DAY SHE MIGHT COME
SO I WAIT
AND I WAIT
AND I START TO THINK THEY MUST THINK IM REALLY DUMB
COS SHE WERENT NEVER, EVER GONNA COME
SO I POURED PETROL ALL ROUND THEIR KITCHEN FLOOR

THREW IN A MATCH AND SLAMMED THE DOOR

AND NOW I DONT WAIT FOR NO ONE ANYMORE
JULIE S

Julie Saunders.

JULIE J

Julie Johnston.

JULIE S

Two years.

JULIE J

Two years.

JULIE S

Soliciting.

JULIE J

And thieving.

TWO JULIES

Together.
THE OLDEST PROFESSION IN THE BOOK
COMBINED
WITH A SIDELINE IN THE WALLETS THAT WE TOOK

JULIE S

DONT YOU FIND THESE DAYS

ITS ALL FOR THE SCHOOL FEES
AND NOT FOR THE FUN

TWO JULIES

YOU HAVE TO PLAN AHEAD NOW

FOR EVERY LITTLE ONE

JULIE S

FOR CHOICES PARENTAL

JULIE J

DOSH IS FUNDAMENTAL

JULIE S

THATS HOW MY TROUBLES FIRST BEGUN

JULIE J

GONNA GET OUR KIDS BACK ONE DAY . . .

JULIE S

BUT I THOUGHT I OWED IT TO MY SON

TWO JULIES

I SHOULDNT BE HERE . . .

NIKKI

Nikki Wade. Lifer. Cop-killer. But, hey, at least thats one less rapist in the
world.
(NIKKI screws up the letter she has been reading.)
NOBODYS HERO
SOMEBODYS FOOL
DONT GO MISTAKING ME FOR
SOMEBODY WHOLL
EVER GIVE A DAMN
FOR WHAT THEY THINK I AM
I SHOULDNT BE HERE

I DONT WANT TO BE HERE . . .

BUT HERE I AM
PRISONERS

HERE I AM
HERE I AM
HERE I AM
AND ONE THING IS CLEAR
ONE THING IS CLEAR
WHEN I TAKE A GOOD LOOK AROUND ME
I SHOULDNT BE HERE . . .
I SHOULDNT BE HERE
I DONT WANNA BE HERE
I SHOULDNT BE HERE
THIS ISNT ME HERE
THIS IS NOT MY LIFE!
GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE!
I HAD PLANS
I HAD DREAMS
MY LIFE IS NOT THE THREE-CAR-WRECK IT SEEMS
I KNOW IT MAY NOT BE MUCH
BUT I WAS SOMEONE
SOMEONES SISTER, DAUGHTER, MOTHER
JUST A GIRL LIKE ANY OTHER
SO MAYBE IM OUT OF TOUCH
BUT STILL IM SOMEONE
AND WHEN THEY SLAM THAT DOOR EVERY NIGHT
AND IM ALONE IN MY BED
I ESCAPE WHERE ITS SAFE OUT OF SIGHT
TO THE WORLD THAT I KEEP IN MY HEAD
THATS WHERE I HIDE MYSELF
OUT OF REACH FROM THE SCREWS

TWO JULIES

ON A BEACH WITH OUR KIDS KICKING SAND FROM OUR SHOES

NIKKI

THERES A BAR

CRYSTAL

THERES A BAR WHERE IM SINGING THE BLUES

SHELL & DENNY

GETTING WASTED ON CHEAP FOREIGN BOOZE

PRISONERS

I CAN GO WHERE I CHOOSE . . .

IVE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE . . .
(The prison officers interrupt to herd them off to breakfast, featuring:
Principal Officer JIM FENNER, Senior Officer SYLVIA HOLLAMBY and Junior
Prison Officer JUSTIN MATTISON.)

JIM

Right, you lot. Breakfast. Move it!

SYLVIA

(to the JULIES) You two serve out the swill. The rest of you line up at your
trough.

PRISONERS

I SHOULDNT BE HERE
THIS ISNT ME HERE
THIS IS NOT MY LIFE!

SYLVIA

Move it!

PRISONERS

GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE!

JIM

Shut it!
(Music underscore continues. The women start to move into place for
breakfast. JUSTIN unlocks the main gate to let in HELEN & RACHEL. JIM alerts
SYLVIA, whos eating a chocolate bar.)

JIM (contd)

Chocs away, Sylv, here comes little Miss New Broom.

SYLVIA

Flaming Nora! Why cant she stay in her office like any normal Wing
Governor?

JIM

(with intent) One day theyll pick the right man for the job.
(They snap into uniform mode and present themselves to HELEN.)

JIM (contd)

Morning, maam.

SYLVIA

Morning, maam.

HELEN

Weve got a new allocation . . .

(The prisoners pay attention.)

HELEN (contd)

This is Rachel Hicks. First-time Young Offender.

SYLVIA

(aside) Another drug addict come to join us.

JIM

Welcome to G Wing, Rachel. Im Principal Officer Mr Fenner. (Introducing

SYLVIA.) Youve met Senior Officer Mrs Hollamby.
(SYLVIA sneers.)

SYLVIA

You lot call me Miss.

KAT

No we dont, we call you Bodybag.

JIM

(introducing JUSTIN) And this is Junior Officer Mr Mattison.

JUSTIN

Hi. First days the worst. Soon get your bearings.

(RACHEL is trembling, on the verge of tears. HELEN hands JIM a folder.)

HELEN

Heres her file. Make an appointment with my secretary for her induction.

JIM

Dont have to take up your valuable time, maam. Just leave Rachel with me.
(With a patronising smile, he ushers RACHEL away and SYLVIA moves in to
usher HELEN out.)

SYLVIA

Heres the log book, Maam.

JIM

One more for breakfast, Julies.

TWO JULIES

(mechanically) One coming up, Mr Fenner.

(They fetch another bowl of porridge.)

JIM

(to RACHEL) Get yourself fed, Ill find you a bed.

NIKKI

Thats his speciality.

JIM

Ill find you a bed down the block if you dont shut it, Wade.
(She gives him a world-weary look as he exits to the POs office.)

SHELL

(to DENNY, re. RACHEL) Like hed be interested in that little minger.

NIKKI

Fresh meat? Better than leftovers.

(SHELL bristles. RACHEL sits down beside CRYSTAL, who erupts.)

CRYSTAL

I aint sitting next to this low-life. (To SYLVIA / HELEN.) Theres more doing
dealings in here than down Kings Cross.

SYLVIA

Oh skip the saint act, Gordon. I dont remember Jesus saying Blessed are the
shoplifters.

HELEN

(pushing past her) Mrs Hollamby! Ill deal with this.

(SYLVIA exits to the POs office.)

RACHEL

(to CRYSTAL) You got me wrong. I was only done for two Es.

CRYSTAL

Es for Evil!

HELEN

Right, thats enough. Nobodys here to be judged. Were all of us in this

prison to try and help you get out of it.

SHELL

Okay. Me and Dens up for that, Miss. Give us a key and well be off.

HELEN

Im trying to treat you women with respect. Please dont make me think you
dont deserve any.

NIKKI

Nice idea. Pity you dont tell it to the screws.

(Jeers. The NUMBER ONE Governing Governor enters. Helen glares at NIKKI
and goes to meet the NUMBER ONE.)

NUMBER ONE

Miss Stewart I was expecting to find you in your office.

HELEN

Its got a great desk, sir, but a lousy view of the prison. I prefer a more hands-on
approach.

NUMBER ONE

Indeed . . . Well, I came to inform you that your probationary period, though
not without incident, has been deemed a success. Congratulations.

HELEN

(shakes his hand) Thank you, sir. Now I can really hope to make a difference.

NUMBER ONE

Helen just remember whatever new ideas youve got in mind prison is a
place with two types of people in it: us and them.
(He exits.)

HELEN

MAYBE IM A FOOL TO THINK THAT I COULD DO SOME GOOD

BUT IF I DIDNT THINK I COULD
I WOULDNT BE HERE
NOW I HAVE A CHANCE TO REALLY DO THIS MY OWN WAY
I WONT LET ANYONE SAY
I SHOULDNT BE HERE
(HELEN exits, with determination. SHELL and DENNY sidle up to RACHEL.)

SHELL

Dont worry, Rachel. Well help you cope without your drugs, wont we Den?

DENNY

Yeah. (To RACHEL) Cos either you give em over to Shell, or Ill smack your
head open!
(She whacks the table with a pool-ball filled sock. They laugh as RACHEL puts
her head in her hands and sobs all the more.)

NIKKI

Leave the kid alone, Dockley!

SHELL

Why, fancy her yourself?

(Tempers flare.)

CRYSTAL

All you sinners is gonna burn.

PRISONERS

SAME OLD SHIT

TWENTY FOUR SEVEN

JULIES

(to RACHEL) WELCOME TO LIFE HERE INSIDE

PRISONERS

THIS IS IT

CRYSTAL

AND IT SURE ISNT HEAVEN

NIKKI

ALTHOUGH IT FEELS LIKE IVE DIED

PRISONERS

WHEN YOU NEED A HELPING HAND

DONT EXPECT THEM TO UNDERSTAND
WHATS ANOTHER DAY?
ANOTHER WEEK?
ANOTHER YEAR?
WHEN WE SHOULDNT BE HERE
WE SHOULDNT BE HERE
WE SHOULDNT BE HERE
WE SHOULDNT BE HERE.
(JIM and SYLVIA enter from the office.)

JIM

Right then, ladies. Slops and mops. Get ready for work.

SYLVIA

Meaning now, not next week. Shift it! Come on . . .

(NOREEN BIGGS (aged 65 going on 100) staggers in, fag in mouth.)

SYLVIA (contd)

What time do you call this, Biggs?

NOREEN

Im on me last legs, Miss. You got to get me to the hospital.

SYLVIA

Youve been on your last flaming legs since Ive been in uniform.

NOREEN

Not that long, Miss . . .

(She breaks into a hacking cough.)

SYLVIA

Oh get back to your cell and save your lungs.

(NOREEN gives the fingers behind SYLVIAS back and scuttles off.)

SHELL

I gotta be excused work too, Miss. Got the decorators in.

SYLVIA

Again?

JIM

All right, Dockley, take the morning.

(SYLVIA exits.)

SHELL

Thank you, sir.

JIM

(aside) Thank me later.

(SHELL gives him a smug smile and sashays off. Only RACHEL remains, all
adrift. JIM picks up her bag.)
JIM (contd)

This way, Rachel. Got you a cell of your own. Nice and private.
(JIM guides her away to her cell with a paternal arm round.)
[SFX: The sound of multiple doors slamming as Rachel is lost within the system.]
SCENE THREE

RACHELS CELL. RACHEL sits on the bare mattress beside a pile of bedding and her bag of
possessions, hanging her head as JIM shuts the door behind him.
JIM

Get your bed made up, put your own things out, soon feel like home, eh?

RACHEL

Wish Id swapped them two Es for a load of sleeping pills.

JIM

Come on, love. Its not the end of the world, is it?

RACHEL

It is! Ive lost everything now.

(She sobs. JIM finds her a hanky.)

JIM

Here. Have a good blow. Take a deep breath. Then tell Uncle Jim whats the
trouble and see what he can do.
(RACHEL takes his hanky and blows.)

RACHEL

Its Maddie.
(RACHEL shows him a photo.)

RACHEL (contd)

My baby. Im still meant to be breast-feeding her. She wont look at a bottle.

JIM

I didnt know you had a little baby.

RACHEL

Yeah, but Socials got her took into care.

JIM

Only till you get out of prison, love. Then theyll give her back to you, wont
they?

RACHEL

But what if they dont? Ill be chucked out my home by then cos the Social
stops your rent. They wont give you back your baby if you havent got a
home but Council wont re-home you unless youve got a baby.

JIM

Right . . . Have you ever heard of the Brotherhood of Freemasons?

RACHEL

No.

JIM

Well, Im going to let you in on a big secret, Rachel. Theres men like me in
every walk of life. Got the power to pull all sorts of strings for each other.

RACHEL

You mean, like youre all on the fiddle?

JIM

Not for ourselves! We use our influence to protect the weak and needy. And I
can jump you to the top of any housing list you fancy . . .

RACHEL

Really?

JIM

A place in the country, a cottage by the sea three bed semi with a little
nursery?

RACHEL

I just want a flat in Blackpool.

JIM

Well, youd better put a smile on that face for me, then. I can tell youre
special, Rachel. Thats why Ill be keeping a very special eye on you. And
thats a promise.
(He exits. RACHEL cheerfully kisses her baby photo.)

TANNOY

All inmates are reminded to make beds before movement.

(RACHELS prompted to get on with her bed-making.)

SHELL

Watcha.
(RACHEL jumps to find SHELL and DENNY there. SHELLS all smiles.)

SHELL (contd)

Thought Id come and see if theres anything you need. Being as youre not
carrying, youll be buying, right? Crack? Smack? Whatever you fancy . . .

RACHEL

Im going to report you to Mr Fenner.

SHELL

Oh yeah? And what dyou think hes gonna do for you?

RACHEL

Said hes going to keep a special eye on me.

SHELL

Did he now? (Bastard!) Well, Ill tell you what eye that is the one on the end
of his dick.
(RACHEL turns away, repulsed. SHELL puts an arm round.)

SHELL (contd)

Look, Rachel, Im just trying to be a mate, tell you how it works in here, right?
Music No. 2: GUARDIAN ANGEL (SHELL & DENNY)

SHELL

LOOK AT ME
LOOK AT HOW I TURNED OUT
USED TO BE A SCAREDY-CAT UNTIL I LEARNED HOW
TO STAND UP FOR MESELF
COS AINT NOBODY ELSE
WHOS GONNA MAKE YOUR LIFE WORTHWHILE
LOOK AT YOU

10

DENNY

THE GIRL CANT TAKE IT

SHELL

EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SAYS YOULL NEVER MAKE IT

AND GRASSING TO A SCREW
AINT A CLEVER THING TO DO
UNLESS YOU SUIT A CHELSEA SMILE
SUCH A PRETTY LITTLE THING
I WOULDNT LINGER IN THE SHOWERS
EVERY LEZZER ON THE WING WILL WANT THEIR GO

DENNY

YOULL BE STUCK IN THERE FOR HOURS

SHELL

THE DAYS ARE LONG AND THE NIGHTS ARE SCARY

DENNY

THEM GIRLS ARE STRONG AND SOME QUITE HAIRY

SHELL

MOST NIGHTS THE SCREAMING NEVER ENDS

SHELL & DENNY

THATS WHEN YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT YOUVE GOT FRIENDS . . .

SHELL

AND ILL BE WATCHING OVER YOU

DENNY

WELL BE WATCHING YOU

SHELL

LIKE A GUARDIAN ANGEL

ANYTIME YOU LOOK BEHIND YOU

DENNY

DONT LOOK NOW

SHELL

YOU KNOW ILL ALWAYS FIND YOU

ILL KNOW EVERYTHING YOU DO

DENNY

EVERYTHING YOU DO

SHELL

IM YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL

NOTHING HAPPENS HERE I DONT SEE
NOTHINGS SAID THAT WONT GET BACK TO ME
LUCKY YOU THAT IM GONNA BE YOUR ANGEL
ITS A FACT
PRISON IS DEPRESSING

DENNY

BETTER JUST ACCEPT IT THERES NO POINT IN STRESSING

SHELL

THE ONLY WAY TO COPE

INSTEAD OF LOSING HOPE
IS GET COMPLETELY OFF YOUR FACE
NOW IM A MATE
WHO BELIEVES IN SHARING

11

DENNY

PEOPLE DONT APPRECIATE THAT SHELLS SO CARING

SHELL

A LITTLE BILLY WHIZ

CAN REALLY DO THE BIZ
AND THEN ITS GONE WITHOUT A TRACE
WHEN YOURE CRAWLING UP THE WALL
YOU JUST CALL AND ILL COME FLYING

SHELL & DENNY

TAKE YOUR PICK WEVE GOT IT ALL

SHELL

JUST LET ME KNOW

DENNY

WE DO REGULAR SUPPLYING

SHELL

HAVE A WRAP
(RACHEL pushes it away.)

DENNY

NO ONES TOUCHED IT

SHELL

EXCEPT PERHAPS THE GIRL WHO CRUTCHED IT

JUST PAY YOUR BILLS AND YOULL BE FINE

DENNY

Shell, can I have that necklace?

(DENNY eyes up RACHELS necklace.)

SHELL

Yeah, go on, Den. Help yourself.

AND REMEMBER NOW WHATS YOURS IS MINE . . .
COS ILL BE WATCHING OVER YOU

DENNY

WELL BE WATCHING YOU

SHELL

LIKE A GUARDIAN ANGEL

ANYTIME YOU LOOK BEHIND YOU

DENNY

DONT LOOK NOW

SHELL

YOU KNOW ILL ALWAYS FIND YOU

ILL KNOW EVERYTHING YOU DO

DENNY

EVERYTHING YOU DO

SHELL

IM YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL

NOTHING HAPPENS HERE I DONT SEE
NOTHINGS SAID THAT WONT GET BACK TO ME
LUCKY YOU THAT IM GONNA BE YOUR ANGEL

DENNY

AH-AH-AH-AH-AAAH

12

SHELL

YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL

TANNOY

Movement to work will now commence.

(SHELL takes out a bag of pills.)

SHELL

(to RACHEL) Here leave you a coupla freebies.

(RACHELS left staring at the pills. She flushes them down the loo and sobs on
her bed.) [SFX: Locks, bolts and bars as the prison machine closes in.]
SCENE FOUR

PRISON OFFICERS OFFICE / G WING LANDING / MALE STAFF TOILETS. SYLVIAS in her
armchair, feet up, with her Take a Break magazine. JIMS on paperwork.
JUSTIN

(to JIM) Black coffee? (To SYLVIA.) Sweet tea?

SYLVIA

Id prefer a G and T, the morning Ive had.

JUSTIN

You never have a good morning, do you, Sylvia?

SYLVIA

Excuse me?

JIM

Justin better hop it down to reception. Theres a sweat box due back from
court.

JUSTIN

Why do they keep sending us prisoners? Dont they know Sylvias on her teabreak?
(He exits.)

SYLVIA

You can see who that little pups licking up to, cant you?
(RACHEL appears at the door.)

RACHEL

Mr Fenner?
(SYLVIA groans. JIM plays weary for SYLVIAS benefit.)

JIM

What is it now, Rachel?

RACHEL

I need to talk to you, sir. Private, like.

SYLVIA

This isnt a drop-in centre, you know.

RACHEL

Please, sir
(JIM heads RACHEL outside.)

13

JIM

(to RACHEL) All right (Tutting to SYLVIA.) Mr Popular!

(He shuts the door on SYLVIA and turns to tearful RACHEL.)

JIM (contd)

Whats the problem, Rachel?

RACHEL

That Shell Dockley . . .

JIM

What about her?

RACHEL

Her and her mates been trying to get me on the smack.

JIM

Dont you worry about Dockley, Ill deal with her.

RACHEL

Oh thanks, sir. I told her Id report her to you.

JIM

Well, shed better not find out you have or shell rip your tongue out.

RACHEL

But but youll stop her, wont you?

JIM

Rachel I cant give you special treatment if you go round telling everyone
about it.

RACHEL

Im going to report her to Miss Stewart.

JIM

Miss Stewart? Shes been in prison for about as long as you have, love. But
fine, if youd rather trust her than me . . .
(And he makes to go. RACHEL panics.)

RACHEL

No, sir please Im sorry if I said the wrong thing. I just

(She blubs. JIM lifts her chin.)

JIM

Its only me can keep you safe and help you get back your baby, Rachel. But
youve got to keep this shut. Okay? Trust me?
(RACHEL nods.)

JIM (contd)

Good girl.
(He gives her chin a little brush with his forefinger and winks at her, just as
HELEN appears.)

JIM (contd)

Go and report for work.

(RACHEL scurries off.)

HELEN

(suspicious) Problem?

JIM

Ask me, that ones got victim written all over her, poor kid.

14

HELEN

No ones a victim on my Wing.

JIM

Thats why Im taking her under my wing, maam.

(HELEN gives him a long look.)

HELEN

Book her in to see me first thing tomorrow.

(She heads into the office. JIM follows her, rattled. HELEN finds SYLVIA asleep.)

HELEN (contd)

Can I fetch you a footstool, Sylvia?

(SYLVIA jumps up.)

SYLVIA

Sorry, maam I was just . . . um . . .

HELEN

Skiving?
(SYLVIAS affronted.)

SYLVIA

Not me, Miss Stewart! I live and breathe for this prison.

HELEN

Well living and breathing isnt quite enough, Im afraid, youve got to move
about a bit as well. So when youve caught up with your other duties, I want
you to find Nikki Wade and upgrade her cell.
(SYLVIA and JIM snort in disbelief.)

JIM / SYLVIA

What?

JIM

Youre putting a known trouble-maker like Wade on enhanced?

SYLVIA

Giving her privileges?

HELEN

Her appeal came through today. Its our job to give her every encouragement
to win it.

SYLVIA

What, so she can murder another man in a fit of jealous rage? Shes lucky
were not allowed to give her a good hanging.

HELEN

Really?

JIM

Well you cant believe she stabbed a broken bottle in that coppers neck by
accident?

HELEN

That copper was trying to rape her girlfriend!

SYLVIA

Theyve always got an excuse.

HELEN

Oh, for goodness sake.

15

JIM

Um you sure youre not getting too personally involved here?

HELEN

Im saying shes not a homicidal maniac.

SYLVIA

(to JIM) No, just a homosexual murderess. Society needs protecting. We need
protecting.

HELEN

If youd rather execute prisoners, Sylvia, I suggest you apply for a job in Texas.
(She turns to go and JIM suddenly sees the future . . . )

JIM

Just a sec . . . you say youre worried about Rachel Hicks? (To SYLVIA.)
Howre we supposed to keep her safe with the likes of Wade let off the leash?

SYLVIA

Like throwing a chop to a Rottweiler.

HELEN

You dont know anything about any of the women in here, do you?

JIM

With all due respect, maam, us old lockhands know a bit about Jailcraft.
Bottom line is, you go soft on a hard case like Wade

SYLVIA

Well thats Good Order And Discipline dead and done for.

HELEN

Ill tell you whats dead and done for treating these women like children,
cancelling their visits, losing their letters the whole bag of dirty tricks
youve used to make their lives a misery. So stop living in the past and carry
out my orders.
(HELEN exits. SYLVIA shakes her head in despondency.)

SYLVIA

Thats it, then. End of an era, Jim. Time to bring on the chronic backache and
sign off on the sick.

JIM

Maybe not Sylv, I think shes just shot herself in the foot.

SYLVIA

Hows that?

JIM

Well, talk about high risk strategy! If Wade kicks off again, and lets face it,
that wont be hard to arrange, then Stewartll be in a right mess.
(SYLVIA sees the light.)

SYLVIA

And well clean up!

Music No. 3: JAILCRAFT (JIM & SYLVIA)

JIM

YOU WONT LEARN THIS ART IN A BOOK

THERES NO FAST TRACK TO IT

SYLVIA

YOU CANT SKIP THE YEARS THAT IT TOOK

THERES A REAL KNACK TO IT

16

JIM

JAILCRAFT
WEVE GOT IT!

SYLVIA

JAILCRAFT
YOUVE GOT IT!

JIM & SYLVIA

JAILCRAFT
THATS WHAT IT TAKES

SYLVIA

YOU WONT GET THIS WITH A DEGREE

IN CRIMINAL JUSTICE
DOWN THE SHARP END, TAKE IT FROM ME

JIM & SYLVIA

THE ONE THING YOU TRUST IS

JAILCRAFT
WEVE GOT IT
HARD GRAFT
BUT WEVE GOT IT
JAILCRAFT
THATS WHAT IT TAKES

JIM

ITS BASIC COMMON SENSE

SYLVIA

PLUS A LITTLE SELF-DEFENCE

JIM

MIX WITH PROFESSIONAL CALM

SYLVIA

ADD A DASH OF PERSONAL CHARM

JIM & SYLVIA

AND WHEN THAT OLD PROVERBIAL

FINALLY HITS THE FAN
WERE UP FRONT
BEARING THE BRUNT
JUST DOING THE BEST WE CAN
WE DONT GET THE THANKS WE DESERVE
DOWN AT THE COALFACE
WHILE THOSE WIMPS ARE LOSING THEIR NERVE
WE RUN THE WHOLE PLACE
JAILCRAFT

JIM

IRREFUTABLE

JIM & SYLVIA

JAILCRAFT

SYLVIA

GOD WERE BEAUTIFUL

JIM & SYLVIA

JAILCRAFT
THATS WHAT IT TAKES

JIM

Right. Get Wade back on the wing and tell Dockley to report for work.

17

SYLVIA

Dont worry, Ill wind up Wades welcome party.

(SYLVIA exits.)

JIM

AND IF THE POWERS THAT BE

ARE JUST TOO BLIND TO SEE
I KNOW A THING OR TWO
ILL PULL A STRING OR TWO
TAKE A LESSON FROM ME
(JIM enters the Male Staff Toilets. Hes joined at the urinals by the NUMBER
ONE.)

NUMBER ONE

So, Jim, off the record, hows the new girl Governor doing on G Wing?

JIM

(aside) WORRIED LOOK, FURROWED BROW

A SLIGHT . . . HESITATION . . .

NUMBER ONE

If you have concerns . . .

JIM

(to NUMBER ONE) I WOULDNT LIKE TO INTERFERE

NUMBER ONE

Any informations in the strictest confidence.

(Dramatic pause, then JIM flourishes a notebook.)

JIM

ITS ALL IN HERE . . .

YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
YOU UNDERSTAND . . .
(The NUMBER ONE takes the notebook and shakes JIMS hand.)

NUMBER ONE

Leave it with me, Jim. Enough said.

JIM

YEARS OF PERFECTING
A SHAKE OF THE HAND

NUMBER ONE

See you at the Lodge meeting.

(The NUMBER ONE exits and JIM goes to the mirror.)

JIM

MY BUT ITS GOOD TAKING CONTROL

SLIDING UP THAT GREASY POLE
(The urinals disappear and SYLVIA rejoins him back on the landing, both aswagger.)

JIM & SYLVIA

AND YOU WONT GET THAT OUT OF A BOOK

ON PRISON PROCEDURE
WHEN THOSE SUITS GET CAUGHT ON THE HOOK
THATS WHEN THEY NEED YA

18

JAILCRAFT
WEVE GOT IT
HARD GRAFT
BUT WEVE GOT IT
JAILCRAFT
THATS WHAT IT TAKES
WHEN YOURE SHORT-STAFFED
YOUR BACK NEARLY BREAKS
WE GET WELL SHAFTED
BUT WE STRUGGLE THROUGH
KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL
YOUR EAR TO THE GROUND
BACK TO THE WALL
WHEN TROUBLES AROUND
ITS JAILCRAFT
JAILCRAFT
JAILCRAFT
THATS WHAT WE DO
ME AND YOU!
(The JULIES enter to mop the landing, as a prison officer leads NIKKI to the
wing gate. NOREEN lurks. SHELL enters in a strop.)
SHELL

(to NOREEN) What you looking at, Asbo? Do one.

(JIM smirks to SYLVIA and exits to the POs office. PRISON OFFICER unlocks the
gate and NIKKI enters.)

PRISON OFFICER

One back on the wing.

(He re-locks it and exits.)

NIKKI

This has got to be a wind up.

SYLVIA

Governors orders.

NIKKI

To put me on enhanced?

SHELL

Eh? Whats this?

SYLVIA

None of your concern, Dockley.

SHELL

But whats she done to get given special privvies?

SYLVIA

Wait at the gate for escort to work. Wade, go pack your bags.
(SYLVIA exits to the office. And SHELL marches up to NIKKI in a fury.)

SHELL

You aint packing nothing cept my fist, you shitpiece.

(SHELL takes a swing at NIKKI, and NIKKI dodges.)

19

NIKKI

Whoah! Stay away from me.

JULIE S

Oi! Dockley

JULIE J

Watch out, Nik

(SHELL dives on NIKKI who is forced to fight back. They wrestle. SHELL is a
fireball of fury. NOREEN watches excitedly.)

SHELL

Turned guvnors grass, aintcha?

NIKKI

Whatre you on about, you crack-head?

NOREEN

Go on, Nikki, kick her in the fanny. (As SHELL kicks NIKKI.) No, not you, her.
Slap her tits.
(And all NIKKI can do to stop her is swing a punch as JUSTIN and PRISON
OFFICER arrive back at the gate to witness.)

JULIE S

Leave it, Nik

JULIE J

Shes not worth it.

JUSTIN

Nikki

TWO JULIES

Dockley
(SYLVIA returns.)

SYLVIA

What the blue blazes . . .?

SHELL

(to JUSTIN) You saw that, sir! She just went for me!

NIKKI

The stupid nutters off her face.

(JIM re-emerges from the office, casual as anything.)

JIM

Problem?

SYLVIA

Wades just attacked Dockley.

NIKKI

It was self-defence.

SYLVIA

Oh, that old line.

JIM

Youre on Rule 43.

NIKKI

No way!

JULIE S

Thats not fair!

20

JULIE J

S not fair!

NOREEN

It was just getting good.

JIM

And you can stop stirring and get back to your cell. Dockley, off to work.

SYLVIA

Shows over.
(SYLVIA herds them away, SHELL smug. JIM smirks as Control and Restraint
arm and leg locks are applied to NIKKI.)

JIM

You just cant control that vicious temper, can you, Wade? Shame, cos
apparently your appeal came through today.

NIKKI

What appeal?

JIM

Too late for regrets now. Take her down the block, Mr Mattison.

NIKKI

Get off me, you bastards!

(JIM exits. NIKKI is manhandled off.) [SFX: A deafening slam Locks, bolts
and bars.]
SCENE FIVE

PUNISHMENT BLOCK CELL. NIKKI is manhandled in.

JUSTIN

(to other officer) Thats enough.

(NIKKI is left on the bed and the P.O. exits.)

NIKKI

Whats this about my appeal?

JUSTIN

Miss Stewarts got you a court hearing. Theres new evidence against that
policeman.

NIKKI

Huh?

JUSTIN

But you just keep looking for trouble, dont you?

NIKKI

I didnt start it!

JUSTIN

Why the hell do you make it so hard for people to help you, Nikki? Dont you
want to get out of prison?
(JUSTIN exits. NIKKI is left alone to contemplate her fate.)
Music No. 4: ONE MOMENT (NIKKI)

NIKKI

DONT WASTE YOUR TIME ON ME

THERES NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO TO SET ME FREE . . .

21

ONE LIFE
ONE FATE
NOTHING I CAN DO
GOD KNOWS IVE WIPED MY TEARS AWAY
TOO LONG
TOO LATE
AND EVERYTHING I EVER HAD WAS BROKEN ON THAT DAY
ONE MOMENT AND LIFE IS CHANGED FOREVER
PATHS ARE CROSSED
DREAMS ARE LOST
DESTINIES COLLIDE
IN ONE MOMENT THE WORLD IS CHANGED FOREVER
THE GREAT AND GOOD DIVIDE
TRUTH WILL DECIDE
ONE CHOICE
ONE FIGHT
WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?
HOW COULD I LIVE AND LET IT BE?
TWO WRONGS
ONE RIGHT
AND EITHER WAY A PRICE TO PAY THAT ALL COMES BACK TO ME
ONE MOMENT YOU FACE THE WORLD TOGETHER
RIDING HIGH
DAYS GO BY
LOST WITHOUT A CARE
ONE LAST MOMENT OF HOLDING ON TOGETHER
AS ALL THE DREAMS YOU SHARE
MELT INTO AIR
AND LIFE PLAYS ON
BEYOND THOSE GATES
WHERE FREEDOM CALLS
AND NO ONE WAITS
THERE WHERE MY LIFE USED TO BE
THERES NOTHING BUT A FANTASY
ALL THAT I HAD LEFT OF ME
IS GONE
ALL GONE
LONG GONE
I WONT FORGET
I DONT REGRET
THERES NOTHING MORE THAT I CAN SAY
ILL PAY MY DEBT
AND LET THEM THROW MY LIFE AWAY
ONE MOMENT YOUR FUTURES GONE FOREVER
BRIDGES BURNED

22

A CORNER TURNED
YOU WALK THE LINE ALONE
IN ONE MOMENT WHATS DONE IS DONE FOREVER
WHEN ALL THE BIRDS HAVE FLOWN
YOURE ON YOUR OWN
YOURE ON YOUR OWN
IM ON MY OWN
(She slumps in despair. HELEN unlocks the door and enters, holding an official
letter.)
HELEN

Great timing, Nikki.

NIKKI

Just leave me alone, will you?

HELEN

Sorry, but Ive stuck my neck out for you. I need you to win this appeal.

NIKKI

Look, if youve got some Good Samaritan fixation, why dont you go and help
Rachel Hicks?

HELEN

Nikki this is your chance to get back together with your girlfriend. You
cant give up on her now.

NIKKI

Thats right, I cant cos shes got together with somebody else.

HELEN

Oh. Im so sorry.

NIKKI

Yeah well, dont worry, if Id known Id lose the girl, Id still have stabbed the
guy. Cant control my vicious temper, can I?

HELEN

So youre just going to play the martyr, are you? Feel sorry for yourself?
(NIKKI looks at her and can hardly fight back the tears.)

NIKKI

Thats right. Do you mind?

(She turns away. HELEN goes to her.)

HELEN

Yes, I do, actually. Youre going to work, then back on the wing.

NIKKI

What?

HELEN

Im over-ruling Fenner and Im moving you up to Enhanced. And I expect you

to go to court and bloody well fight for your freedom, Nikki. Not just for you,
but for all the other women in here.
(HELEN opens the cell door.)

HELEN (contd)

Deal?

NIKKI

Youre the boss.

(NIKKI exits with HELEN.) [SFX: Locks, bolts and bars.]

23

SCENE SIX

G WING LANDING. JUSTIN unlocks the gate for the JULIES to mop their way back on to the landing.
JUSTIN

On you go.

JULIE S

Any jobs you want a hand with, sir?

JULIE J

We dont mind getting dirty for you.

JULIE S

(snapping on her rubber gloves) But we do insist on using rubbers.

JUSTIN

Look, Julies (Sighs.) Do you have to keep this up?

JULIE J

Keep what up, lover boy?

JUSTIN

That! Harassing me. Respect works both ways, you know?

JULIE S

Sorry, darling. Only showing our appreciation.

(She goes off to the servery, but JULIE J hangs back.)

JULIE J

Were not used to blokes treating us nice.

JUSTIN

Well thats a good reason to try and change your ways, isnt it? Start afresh.

JULIE J

Do that every time we get out, innit? But were not educated like you, sir.
Only work we can gets against the bleeding law. Even when half the punters
out there are the bleeding law.
(She heads off after JULIE S, leaving JUSTIN feeling inadequate as HELEN
enters the wing, with a look of determination to JUSTIN.)

HELEN

Tell Mr Fenner Ive sent Nikki Wade back to work. Then shell be moving
cells.
(JUSTIN heads off to the POs office, gladly.)

HELEN (contd)

Julie? Can I have a word?

(JULIE S points to herself Me, Miss? HELEN nods.)

JULIE S

(to JULIE J) Bleedinell, what have I done now?

(She goes over to speak to HELEN.)

JULIE S (contd)

Yes, Miss?
(JULIE J earwigs in the background.)

HELEN

Ive had a call about your son. David.

24

(JULIE S panics.)
JULIE S

What about him? Hes all right, aint he, Miss? Tell me.

HELEN

Dont worry, Julie. Theres nothing wrong with him. But Social Services say
theres been a problem with the care arrangements you made for him over the
school holidays . . .

JULIE S

Eh? Whats my arrangements got to do with Social bleeding Services? My

Davids staying with his Auntie Sandra. Sorted.

HELEN

Unfortunately his Auntie Sandra has also been taken into custody.

JULIE J

Oh shit.

HELEN

Social Services have found him a foster home.

JULIE S

What? You mean theyre sticking my son in a house with a couple of strangers
to look after him?

HELEN

Hes too young to look after himself. Im sure your son knows how much you
love him, Julie. Ill try and get a number for you to call him.
(HELEN exits leaving both the JULIES in despair.)

JULIE S

Oh my God, Ju. What if I have to tell him the truth?

JULIE J

You cant do that, Ju. He thinks his mums a top international travel agent.
Why you got to spend all this time away and sent him to boarding school,
innit? You cant tell him youre on the game and in the nick?

JULIE S

Why do they punish our kids? Its not their fault what their rotten mums done.
Shouldve seen this coming, Ju.

JULIE J

(bitter) Yeah, since when did we never get shat on?

Music No. 5: LIFE OF GRIME (THE TWO JULIES / PRISONERS)

JULIE J (contd)

WHEN YOURE STUCK IN THE MUCK

AND NOBODY GIVES A

TWO JULIES

FRENCH CONNECTION

JULIE J

WHEN YOURE DOWN ON YOUR LUCK

AND YOURE RUNNING IN THE

TWO JULIES

WRONG DIRECTION
THERES NO ESCAPING FROM THE SLIME
YOURE LIVING A LIFE OF GRIME

JULIE J

BLOODY RUBBISH

25

TWO JULIES

A LIFE OF GRIME

JULIE J

WHEN YOU DOSS WITH THE DROSS

AND YOURE BANGED UP IN AN

TWO JULIES

INSTITUTION

JULIE S

NO-ONES GIVING A TOSS

ALL THEYRE GIVING YOU IS

TWO JULIES

RETRIBUTION
YOURE JUST A VICTIM DOING TIME
FOR LIVING A LIFE OF GRIME

JULIE S

WHEN YOURE FLAT ON YOUR BACK

WHILE SOME GIT GETS HIS ROCKS OFF

TWO JULIES

THATS A TIME TO REFLECT

JULIE J

YOURE MOANING AND GROANING

YOUR POOR LITTLE SOCKS OFF

TWO JULIES

THAT DOESNT GET YOU RESPECT

AFTER BLOWING HIS HORNPIPE
AND BANGING HIS DRUM
AND THANKING GOD YOURE NOT HIS WIFE
IT TAKES MORE THAN A WET WIPE
TO CLEAN UP THE SCUM
OF YOUR WHOLE STINKING MISERABLE LIFE

JULIE J

YOURE A SLUT IN A RUT

JULIE S

NEVER SHIFTING THE DIRT

JULIE J

ALWAYS LOOKING FOR SOME LUBRICATION

JULIE S

SICK AND TIRED OF THE SMUT

JULIE J

SICK OF LIFTING YOUR SKIRT

JULIE S

YOU COULD USE A BIT OF CULTIVATION

TWO JULIES

INSTEAD OF BLOOMING IN YOUR PRIME

YOURE LIVING A LIFE OF . . .
(The women at work appear at their production line, robotically sticking the
heads on dolls and passing them down the line as they sing.)

26

TWO JULIES
& PRISONERS
PRISONERS

GRIME, GRIME, GRIME, GRIME

CANT SHIFT IT
CANT MOVE IT
CANT GET THIS CRAP OUT OF MY LIFE
CANT SHIFT IT
CANT MOVE IT
CANT GET THIS CRAP OUT OF MY LIFE
LOW DOWN DIRTY LITTLE SCUMBAG SCRUBBERS
LOW DOWN DIRTY LITTLE SCUMBAG SCRUBBERS
LOW DOWN DIRTY LITTLE SCUMBAG SCRUBBERS
LOW DOWN DIRTY LITTLE SCUMBAG SCRUBBERS
(Lights down on the works production line, as JULIE S slumps in despair.)

JULIE S

ALL THAT I WANTED

WAS ONE LOUSY BREAK
A CHANCE TO MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT
BUT DESPITE ALL MY TALENTS
THE BOOKS NEVER BALANCE
I KEEP ENDING UP IN THE SHITE

TWO JULIES

WHEN YOURE STUCK IN THE MUCK

AND NOBODY GIVES A FRENCH CONNECTION
ALWAYS PASSING THE BUCK
BUT YOURE NEVER GONNA PASS INSPECTION
NOW LET ME TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME . . .
IF CLEANLINESS
MEANS GODLINESS
WERE SCREWED ALREADY
SO SOD THE MESS
THE SLOPS IN THE BUCKET
YOU DONT HAVE TO SUCK IT
TO SEE THAT ITS A CRIME
LIVING A LIFE
LIVING A LIFE
LIVING A LIFE OF GRIME.
(The JULIES pack up their mops and buckets and get ready behind the servery
to dish up the next meal.)

TANNOY

Return from work will now commence. [SFX: Locks, bolts and bars the
sound of multiple gates and doors unlocking all round the prison.]
(The other prisoners return from work and start to queue for tea. CRYSTALS
reading her bible. JIM and SYLVIA emerge from the POs office to supervise. A
MALE NURSE enters with the drugs trolley.)

NURSE

Medication?

27

TWO JULIES

Buns and biccies.

(NOREEN queues up in the hope of getting some drugs.)

NOREEN

Im on the methadone.

SYLVIA

No youre not, youre on biccies. Get back in the other queue.

JIM

Mr Mattison one more to collect from reception.

(JUSTIN exits.)

SHELL

(to SYLVIA, re. NIKKI) Whats that snitch-bitch doing off the block?

SYLVIA

Miss Stewart insists on moving her to an enhanced cell.

CRYSTAL

Enhanced?! That sinner?

(SYLVIA folds her arms, as does JIM both playing poker-faced.)

DENNY

I dont get it.

(Shell barges up to JIM.)

SHELL

Neither do bleeding I! After what she done to me?

SYLVIA

Dont blame us, Dockley. Were just following orders.

(She heads off to the POs office.)

SHELL

Stewart must be shagging her!

NIKKI

Piss off, Dockley.

JIM

Wade, shut it! Dockley, move it.

(He exits. The JULIES join NIKKI, delighted. CRYSTAL walks amongst the
heathen, intoning from her Bible.)

CRYSTAL

Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and Gomorrah with brimstone and fire
from the Lord out of heaven.

JULIE S

Give us a break, Crystal.

JULIE J

We had enough rained on us from old men when we was working, innit?

CRYSTAL

All you heathens is gonna get stuffed with red hot pokers come Judgement
Day. When I is chilling up in Heaven with angels bringing me milk and
honey to sip off their golden spoon.

JULIE S

Only till you nick it off em.

28

JULIE J

Then youll get a poker like the rest of us.

(JUSTIN unlocks the gate and ushers in a new plastic-bag laden prisoner,
YVONNE ATKINS. In stark contrast to RACHEL, YVONNES entrance is sassy

and bold, dressed in a long red leather coat and high-heeled boots. The
womens heads turn.)
JUSTIN

New one on the Wing. Yvonne Atkins.

(He turns his back on her to lock the gate.)

YVONNE

Hi girls. Just popped in for a quick four years. But look on the bright side, I said
to myself. Least youll get a break from bleeding men. On the other hand
(Looks at JUSTINS arse.)

YVONNE (contd)

Nice firm buns, do you give em away later?

(She gooses him.)

JUSTIN

How would you like me to take you down the block?

YVONNE

Is that like up the Arsenal?

(JUSTIN flushes.)

YVONNE (contd)

(to the women) Bloody hell hes pushy, aint he?

JUSTIN

Wait there! Ill see what cell youre in.

YVONNE

Ive booked an en-suite double with a view of the bay.

(Prisoners laugh as red-faced JUSTIN hurries away to the POs office. YVONNE
spots a familiar face and approaches NOREEN.)

YVONNE (contd)

Hello? I thought you were dead!

JULIE S

Well what you waiting for, Shell? Gonna say hello to the new girl?

JULIE J

Like you do?

(SHELL sees her chance to regain face.)

SHELL

What, you think Im crapping it for some knackered old mobsters missus?
(To DENNY.) Insult, innit?

DENNY

Yeah, mentalist.

SHELL

(nudges DENNY) Go on, then, Den. Do the honours.

DENNY

Me?

29

SHELL

Yeah. Like you do.

(DENNYS nervous as shes bounced to the fore to give YVONNE the treatment.)

DENNY

(to YVONNE) Oi! Brung any gear in on you? Cos either you give it over to
Shell or Ill smack your head open.
(She brandishes the sock. YVONNE is unimpressed.)

YVONNE

And whos Shell when shes not at home?

DENNY

(pointing) Shell Dockley. Shes top dog in this nick.

YVONNE

Oh yeah? Woof woof. Well sorry, Fido. Its time to move you out of your
kennel.

DENNY

Listen, Grandma, you aint getting it. Shells doing life for topping the last tart
who got on her tits. You should be scared of her.
(She holds SHELLS stunned stare. Then quickly takes out a flick-knife which
causes DENNY to drop the sock with the pool balls in. YVONNE casually
manicures her nails with the knife.)

YVONNE

(to DENNY) I dont do scared. (Beat.) I think your balls are on the floor.
(All the prisoners laugh. DENNY bends to pick them up. SHELL finally covers
with a little laugh.)

SHELL

Okay. Just a joke.

(SHELL and DENNY retreat, the sound of jeering ringing in their ears.)

YVONNE

(to the other women) Thats all sorted, then.

(SYLVIA approaches, followed by JUSTIN.)

SYLVIA

You can wipe that smile off your face, Atkins. You might be famous on the
outside, but you wont be in here.

YVONNE

Wanna bet?

SYLVIA

Youre in cell seven. Move it.

YVONNE

(to JUSTIN) Whos the concierge?

SYLVIA

You call me Miss and you move, or youre on report.

YVONNE

Sylvia Hollamby, thats right. As in Mr R. J. Hollamby Funeral Directors,

care of number thirteen, Cherry Tree Crescent, London SW9 4PQ?
(SYLVIA is taken aback.)

30

SYLVIA

(to JUSTIN) How does she know that?

NOREEN

Shes a witch.

JUSTIN

Not from me.

YVONNE

From my husband, Charlie. He provides a lot of business for undertakers. If

you want me to put in a good word for your old man. Miss?
(SYLVIA flusters.)

SYLVIA

(to the women) Youre on free association until lock-up. (To JUSTIN.) Youre
on paperwork.
(She herds JUSTIN away to the POs office. YVONNE addresses the women.)

YVONNE

I hope you girls know how to party.

(To exclamations of gleeful amazement from the assembled crowd, YVONNE

opens her long coat to reveal an array of inside pockets lined with miniature
bottles and cigarettes.)
JULIE S

Blimey!

JULIE J

Wow!

NIKKI

Christ! I thought this dump was all bars and no booze.

YVONNE

The screw who was supposed to search me didnt fancy a visit from my
Charlie neither.
(Whoops of delight as she tosses bottles to the crowd. They immediately start
chucking it down their necks. YVONNE tosses a bottle for DENNY to catch.)

YVONNE (contd)

Heres an invite for you two an all. If you want to have a good time.
(DENNY and SHELL are dumbfounded.)

DENNY

Eh?

YVONNE

I only do nasty if I cant do nice.

(DENNY looks to SHELL, eager.)

DENNY

Shell?
(SHELL takes a sniff of the bottle and shrugs.)

SHELL

Go with the flow, innit? Only one here wants us to have a bad time is that
Bible basher.

31

DENNY

Right, Crys-taaal?
(CRYSTAL chucks away her Bible and grabs a bottle.)

CRYSTAL

Aint no commandment says thou shalt not shake thy bootie.

(Whoops and cheers as CRYSTAL joins the throng. YVONNE brandishes her
own hip flask and notices RACHEL left behind on her own.)

YVONNE

And whos little Cinderella, then? Aint you coming to the ball, darling?

RACHEL

I I dont know anyone.

YVONNE

You and me better stick together, eh? Here, have a swig of my special cocktail.
Soon get you in the mood.
(She offers her flask to RACHEL.)

RACHEL

Whats in it?

YVONNE

Two parts sweet dreams, one part dynamite.

Music No. 6: THE A-LIST (YVONNE & PRISONERS)

YVONNE (contd)

WHEN YOURE ALL DOLLED UP WITH NO PLACE TO GO

HEY! DONT MAKE A FUSS
IF WE CANT GET OUT TO THE PARTY
THE PARTY CAN COME TO US!
(YVONNE throws off her coat.)
ITS STRICTLY A-LIST
THISLL BE THE HOTTEST SPOT IN TOWN
SUN-KISSED CELEBRITIES WITH STYLE
CALL OK AND HELLO!
NOW WERE ALL SET TO GO
WERE GONNA MAKE A SPLASH
GET READY TO FLASH THAT SMILE
ITS STRICTLY A-LIST
EVERYONE WHOS ANYONE IS HERE
HEY SISTER, YOUR NAME IS ON THE DOOR
ROLL THE RED CARPET OUT
COS TONIGHT THERES NO DOUBT
WERE HAVING A GIRLS NIGHT IN
LIKE THERES NEVER BEEN BEFORE
IM GONNA BE THE PARTY QUEEN
GIVING IT UP ALL NIGHT
CRUISING AND SCHMOOZING WITH THE BEST
TAKE A LOOK AROUND THIS EXCLUSIVE SCENE

32

SO MUCH FLESH TO BE PRESSED

OH YES
ITS STRICTLY A-LIST
LISTEN TO THE WORD OUT ON THE STREET
DONT MISS THE PARTY OF THE YEAR
NO BS, NO CS
AND DARLING PLEASE, NO DS
NO HAS-BEENS, WOULD BES
WANNABES, COULD BES
I ABSOLUTELY MUST INSIST
STRICTLY AS ON THE LIST
WE NEED JHOOJH AND PIZZAZZ
AND SOME GLAMOUR IN OUR LIVES
OUT ON THE RAZZ
LIKE WERE FOOTBALLERS WIVES
LOW CUT
UPLIFT
YOU ARE
GODS GIFT
GO STRUT YOUR STUFF ON THE FLOOR
PRISONERS

GO STRUT YOUR STUFF

YVONNE

BIG HAIR
BLING BLING
HOT AIR
MINGLING
THIS IS THE LIFE I ADORE

PRISONERS

CANT GET ENOUGH!

YVONNE
& PRISONERS

ITS STRICTLY A-LIST

LISTEN TO THE WORD OUT ON THE STREET
DONT MISS THE PARTY OF THE YEAR
NO BS, NO CS,
BUT MAYBE I COULD SQUEEZE SOME ES
NO HAS-BEENS, WOULD BES
WANNABES, COULD BES

PRISONERS

HAS-BEENS, WOULD BES

WANNABES, COULD BES

YVONNE

I ABSOLUTELY MUST INSIST . . .

YVONNE
& PRISONERS

WERE ON THE A-LIST

COME OUT AND PLAY LIST

33

WONT STOP TILL WE DROP

COS WERE ON THE TOP TONIGHT
HEY, MISTER!
HEY, MISTER!
HEY, MISTER!
DONT TURN OUT THAT LIGHT!
PARTY ALL NIGHT
BAD GIRLS PARTY
PARTY ALL NIGHT
BAD GIRLS PARTY
PARTY ALL NIGHT
BAD GIRLS PARTY ALL NIGHT!
PARTY ALL NIGHT!
TANNOY

All inmates return to cells for lockup.

DENNY

Cheers, Yvonne! I aint had such a good time since I set fire to my first foster
home.
(Prison reality snaps back in as SYLVIA reasserts her authority, JUSTIN in her
wake.)

SYLVIA

Thats it, you lot. Bang up!

(Theres much bustling as bottles are tucked away and the prisoners start
heading off to their cells. SYLVIA gives YVONNE a wide berth.)

SYLVIA (contd)

(to JUSTIN) You take Atkins. (To all.) Move it!

(JUSTIN comes to fetch YVONNE.)

JUSTIN

(to YVONNE) Follow me.

(YVONNE picks up her plastic bag.)

YVONNE

You can take me anywhere, sweetheart.

(JUSTIN rounds on her, affronted, as she eyes his arse.)

JUSTIN

Look, if you want to screw a screw youve picked the wrong one, all right?
Thats not what Im doing this job for.

YVONNE

Ooooh, didnt mean to poke you in the principles. Just let me know when
you need a career break.
(She sashays off to her cell for JUSTIN to lock her in.)

TANNOY

Lights out in five minutes.

34

SCENE SEVEN
NIKKIS CELL. Inside her cell, NIKKI is unpacking her possessions mainly books. HELEN knocks at
the half-open door and looks in.
HELEN

Hi.

NIKKI

Hi! Welcome to my new apartment.

(HELEN comes in, pushing the door to behind her.)

HELEN

Happy with it?

(NIKKIS flirty / challenging.)

NIKKI

Be lovely when Ive knocked through.

HELEN

I know its still a cell but its the best I can do.

NIKKI

Well, hopefully I wont be here too long Ive decided to really go for this
appeal.

HELEN

That is such good news.

NIKKI

Its the least I can do after you sticking your neck out for me. Taking a hell
of a risk, arent you?

HELEN

I dont believe prisons should be about us and them, Nikki. I dont believe
most of these women should even be here. And Ive never doubted you were
telling the truth about your case. I hope you believe were on the same side now.

NIKKI

Apart from the odd set of bars and a ten foot wall . . . Seriously youve given
me the first hope Ive had in ages. Even lightened up enough to let my hair
down tonight.
(HELEN laughs.)

HELEN

Would that explain the whiff of alcohol I detected on the Wing?

NIKKI

Do I have the right to remain silent?

HELEN

No.

NIKKI

Do I have the right to tell you youre gorgeous?

(HELEN flushes and gets up to go. NIKKI hastens to reassure.)

NIKKI (contd)

All the women in here think youre brilliant, taking on Fenner. Well, except
for Dockley, but (shes a psycho . . .)

HELEN

Good night, Nikki.

35

(She exits and NIKKIS left in a spin.)

TANNOY

Lights out.
(And the main lights go out.)
SCENE EIGHT

G WING LANDING / URBAN STREET. The night calls start up out of the darkness unusually
merry.
JULIE S

Anyone know a good cure for hiccups?

JULIE J

Hiccups?

CRYSTAL

Imagine being married to Fenner. Give yourself a fright, right?

(Cackles of laughter.)

NIKKI

Theres hope for you yet, Crystal.

JULIE J

Yeah, keep shaking that bootie.

KAT

Can we have a party every night, Yvonne?

NOREEN

What about some Bingo?

YVONNE

Anyone for a nightcap?

PRISONER
(NATALIE)

Yeah, swing it over!

DENNY

Love ya, Shell.

SHELL

I love me too, Den.

(JIM and SYLVIA complete the final lock-up. HELEN enters, on her way home
and deep in disturbed thought. JUSTIN is waiting for her but she doesnt
immediately notice him. Hes trying to avoid attracting JIM and SYLVIAS
attention.)

JUSTIN

Helen?

HELEN

Oh, hi

JUSTIN

Fancy a drink?
(Beat. HELEN catches up with herself.)

HELEN

Yeah, why not?

36

(And they head off. JIM and SYLVIA call after her from afar.)
JIM & SYLVIA

Goodnight, Maam!
(JIM mimes swinging his golf club after her, smirking to SYLVIA.)

JIM

Soon be in the rough.

SYLVIA

Well, thats me off home happy. My Bobbys doing his braised meatballs
tonight.

JIM

Lovely. Ill hand over to the night shift.

SYLVIA

Night, Jim.

JIM

Night, Sylv.
(Music starts. SYLVIA exits happily, swinging her keys.
JIM surveys his domain and smiles.)
Music No. 7: THE KEY (JIM)

JIM (contd)

THE KEY TO HIDDEN TREASURE

THE KEY TO FORBIDDEN PLEASURE
AND HOW DO YOU MEASURE A MAN
IF ITS NOT BY WHAT HANGS FROM HIS FOB?
EVER SINCE JAILERS BEGAN
ITS BEEN ONE OF THE PERKS OF THE JOB
GOING TO WORK ON THE JOB
WHEN YOU HOLD THE KEY
NO FORCE
NO COERCION
PURE SATISFACTION FOR ALL
OF COURSE
SOME PERVERSION
BUT NOTHING THATS PAINFUL OR TOO OFF THE WALL
A MUTUAL SERVICE AND WHAT BETTER WAY
TO UNWIND AS YOU WEND AT THE END OF THE DAY
AND WHILE YOURE GETTING YOUR END WELL AWAY
YOURE THE KING
OF THE NIGHT
OUT OF REACH
OUT OF SIGHT
EVERYONES UP FOR A BITE, SO
DONT CALL ME GREEDY
COS THESE GIRLS ARE NEEDY

37

(JIM makes his way to SHELLS cell. SHELL, in a sexy nightie, drapes herself in
the doorway, and Jim follows her inside. MUSIC continues as lights go up on
HELEN and JUSTIN in the street outside, running from the rain.)
HELEN & JUSTIN

Taxi!

HELEN

The great outdoors!

(He puts his umbrella over them both.)

HELEN

Do you ever dream about doors?

JUSTIN

Nah, I can lock em or leave em, me.

HELEN

Why do we do it? Tonight when I locked Nikki Wade in her cell I thought
This is the shittiest job in the world. I mean, what kind of profession is it
where the occupational hazard is lockhand?

JUSTIN

Its the kind where you start your day with two prostitutes giving you the
come on, and you end it with a mobsters missus grabbing your bum.
(HELEN giggles.)

JUSTIN (contd)

Least thats one hassle you dont have to deal with getting propositioned by
the prisoners.

HELEN

Not every Juliets looking for a Romeo . . .

JUSTIN

Right . . . (The penny drops.) Right.

HELEN

Anyway, Nikki Wades going for her appeal so up yours, Fenner!

JUSTIN

Taxi!
(Lights down and back up on the landing as JIM emerges from SHELLS cell,
zipping up his flies.)

SHELL

Aint you ever heard of Ladies First?

JIM

If you play your cards right, pretty soon you could be shagging the Wing
Governor.

SHELL

What, that Scottish tart? Shed be lucky.

JIM

No. Me!
(JIM locks her in and resumes his patrol.)

JIM (contd)

THE KEY TO HIDDEN TREASURE

THE KEY TO FORBIDDEN PLEASURE
TO TAKE AT YOUR LEISURE AND BEND

38

TO WHATEVER YOUR FANCIES DICTATE

VIRGINS AND TARTS END TO END
ITS THE CREAM OF THE FEMALE ESTATE
AND YOU GET IT ALL ON A PLATE
WHEN YOU HOLD THE KEY
NO TIES
NO CONNECTIONS
FRESH SUPPLIES ALWAYS ON TAP
RECOGNISE
THEIR AFFECTIONS
YOULL SOON HAVE THEM EATING RIGHT OUT OF YOUR LAP
DESPERATELY GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOU CAN GIVE
ITS QUITE FAIR TO SAY YOURE THEIR REASON TO LIVE
FRANKLY ITS JUST IRRESPONSIBLE IF
I DONT TRY
TO PROVIDE
WHAT THEY LACK
HERE INSIDE
EVERYONES UP FOR THE RIDE, SO
WHO COULD ACCUSE ME
IF THEY CHOOSE TO USE ME?
(JIM unlocks the door to RACHELS cell.)
JIM (contd)

Whos got a smile for me, then?

(RACHEL comes to the doorway, dishevelled and snivelling.)

RACHEL

Oh sir, Im so glad to see you.

JIM

Doesnt look much like it, love.

RACHEL

Im sorry. The darks doing my head in. I get all scared. I have to keep the
light on at home.

JIM

Nothing to be scared about now Im here, eh?

(RACHEL brims with gratitude. She produces a piece of paper.)

RACHEL

Wrote this poem for you, sir. To tell you all my feelings about you.
(JIM covers his annoyance with a smile.)

JIM

Better look after it, hadnt I?

(JIM takes the letter and ushers her back inside her cell.)

JIM (contd)

Go make yourself look nice, Ill come and tuck you into bed.

39

(JIM blows her a kiss and pulls the door to but doesnt lock it.)
JIM (contd)

(reads) Dear Sir, you are my saviour.

Pardon me, for my behaviour.
If you could see . . .
(He scrunches up the paper and puts it in his pocket.)

JIM (contd)

I WATCH AND I WAIT

MR WOLF AT THE GATE
I LEAD AND THEY FOLLOW
I FEED AND THEY SWALLOW
I NEED IT
I TAKE IT
WHO CARES IF
THEY FAKE IT
A MANS GOTTA MAKE IT
AND MOVE IT
AND SHAKE IT
AND THIS LUCKY JIM
GETS IT ALL JUST FOR HIM
PICK ANY SLAG
EVERY SHAGS IN THE BAG
WITH THE KEY
THE KEY
SLIDE INSIDE
AND OPEN WIDE
FOR ME
(He begins to unzip his flies as he turns to go to RACHELS door.)
BEHOLD THE KEY
THE BIGGEST YOULL SEE
I HOLD THE KEY
(RACHEL appears in her doorway in her nightie. JIM is facing her. RACHEL
looks down at his groin and her smile fades.)

RACHEL

What you doing?

JIM

I said Id keep my special eye on you, love.

RACHEL

But I thought you meant youd look after me.

JIM

Thats right. Like I will every night. And this is how you say thank you, sir.
(RACHEL gasps in disbelief and backs into her cell.)

RACHEL

No! Please dont

JIM

Sshhhh . . .

40

(JIM follows, silencing her. And the door shuts tight behind them.)
(Blackout.)
SCENE NINE

G WING MORNING UNLOCK, next day.

TANNOY

Attention all ears. This is Control. Morning unlock will now commence.
(Multiple key chains jangle, keys turn in locks . . . The prisoners make their
way from their cells. SYLVIA notices that RACHEL is missing.)

SYLVIA

Wheres Hicks?
(JUSTIN is struggling to open RACHELS door. Some of the prisoners watch
him, YVONNE at the forefront.)

SYLVIA (contd)

Mr Mattison?

YVONNE

(to JUSTIN) Whats the matter, darling? Cant get it in?

(JUSTIN snaps.)

JUSTIN

Look, I told you

(JUSTIN calls to SYLVIA.)

JUSTIN (contd)

Mrs Hollamby
(SYLVIA joins him, tutting.)

SYLVIA

What is it?

JUSTIN

Something wrong with this lock. Peep-holes bunged up and all.

SYLVIA

Stand aside.
(She inserts her own key but cant open the door. She looks through the peephole.)

SYLVIA (contd)

Its not bunged up, its blocked off.

(She bangs on the door.)

SYLVIA (contd)

Hicks! Unblock this door immediately!

JUSTIN

Shes not answering.

41

(By now, all the women are gathering round and exchanging uneasy
mutterings, ad lib. SYLVIA calls to JIM )
SYLVIA

Mr Fenner
(And barks at JUSTIN.)

SYLVIA (contd)

Get that lot lined up with the rest of them.

(JUSTIN gestures to the women as JIM joins SYLVIA.)

YVONNE

How many screws does it take to unlock a door?

(The JULIES lead the women into line, keeping their eyes fixed on RACHELS
cell door.)

JIM

(to SYLVIA) Whats the problem?

SYLVIA

Its Hicks. Barricaded herself in, refusing to talk.

(JIM sighs.)

JIM

Okay, leave her to me.

(He knocks on the door.)

JIM (contd)

Rachel? This is Mr Fenner. Stop being a silly girl and clear this door. Then Ill
come in and you can tell me whats your problem.
(Everyone waits for a response nothing. JIM beckons JUSTIN.)

JIM (contd)

Give us a hand here, Mr Mattison. Count of three. One two

(JIM and JUSTIN heave their combined weight against the door the metal

locker behind it makes a deafening thud as it topples over and the door grinds
open, leaving JUSTIN and JIM filling the doorway to recoil in horror at what
they alone can see.)
JUSTIN

Jesus Christ

JIM

Oh shit
(Music starts. They step back and aside, unblocking the open doorway and
everyone gasps in ad libbed shock / horror except for SHELL, whose reaction
is more astonished glee.)

DENNY

(guilty) Shit, man.

SHELL

(aside) Kinell, Den. Dozy twat couldnt last a night.

SYLVIA

The stupid, stupid girl.

42

(JUSTIN makes to enter the cell.)

JUSTIN

Lets get her down.

(JIM gets his grip back and stands in JUSTINS way, pulling the door to.)

JIM

(to JUSTIN) No, you better get that lot back to their cells first. (To SYLVIA.)
Radio the medics. Ill sort this.

JUSTIN

Maybe she left a note?

JIM

Well if she did, Ill make sure I find it.

(JIM lets himself back into the cell, closing the door behind him. SYLVIA gets
on her radio as JUSTIN returns to herding the women.)

SYLVIA

(into walkie-talkie) Hello Hotel, this is Zulu, over . . . Hotel, are you
receiving? This is Zulu calling . . . Zulu to Hotel? Hello? Anyone there? . . .
Oh hurrah. Weve got a stiff on G Wing. Need it bagged up. Over . . .
(The women are horrified by SYLVIAS attitude.)
Music No. 8: THE WAY IT IS (COMPANY)

PRISONERS

NOW WE KNOW
WHERE WE STAND
THERE IS NO
NO-MANS LAND
TRUST IS TORN
A LINE IS DRAWN
AND THATS THE WAY IT IS!
MAKE YOUR MOVE
TAKE YOUR SIDE
THERE IS NO
PLACE TO HIDE
YOURE OUT ON A LIMB
NOW SINK OR SWIM
COS THATS THE WAY IT IS!
(Ad lib back-up No way / This is shit / Poor Rachel as JUSTIN pleads
with them and SYLVIA shouts into her walkie-talkie. Its chaos as HELEN
marches on to the wing, behind the backs of SYLVIA and JUSTIN. Everyone
jumps as she demands their attention.)

HELEN

What the hells the commotion?

(Hush as she takes centre stage.)

HELEN (contd)

(to SYLVIA) Well?

43

(SYLVIA almost relishes telling her.)

SYLVIA

Weve got a swinger, maam. Rachel Hicks.

(HELEN gasps.)

HELEN

Oh no . . .

SYLVIA

Mr Fenners cutting the corpse down now, if you want to take a look? (HELEN
balks. SYLVIA barks at the women.) Right, you lot Move it! Back to your
cells Now!

YVONNE

Were not going anywhere.

(The women are kicking off. SHELL joins in for the hell of it.)

SHELL

Aint our fault poor Rachels dead, is it?

HELEN

Listen, everybody, please . . . Now Im sure every one of you has had a terrible
shock. But you wont help anything by kicking off.

NIKKI

What do you expect? Rachels dead.

(Ad lib support.)

YVONNE

That kid was right as rain last night. Why would she suddenly go and top
herself?
(Ad lib support. JIM exits RACHELS cell, pocketing something.)

HELEN

I assure you there will be a full investigation into how and why this
happened.

NIKKI

It happened because she was banged up in prison. (Pointing at JIM.) With

bastards like him on the loose.

JULIE J

His last one ended up down the muppet wing.

JULIE S

Yeah, hes the one should be swinging.

PRISONERS

NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO SWEEP US OUT OF SIGHT

WE WILL NOT LET THIS DAY GO BY
ALL OF YOUR MIGHT CANNOT FIGHT WHAT IS RIGHT
AND THATS THE WAY IT IS NOW
BRING IT ON DOWN

HELEN

I want every one of you to go back to your cells. Quietly and calmly.
(The NUMBER ONE enters.)

NUMBER ONE

What is going on here?

44

YVONNE

A bloody crime. And youre not gonna get away with it.
(Ad lib clamour. HELEN despairs. JIM steps in to back up HELEN.)

JIM

(to the women) Miss Stewarts given you a Governors order here. Return to
your cells now or the riot teams coming in.
(The women resist.)

HELEN

(to JIM) Wait.

(HELEN approaches the chanting women.)

HELEN (contd)

Nikki can I talk to you a minute, please?

(NIKKI takes a step forward but SHELL suddenly shouts her down set on allout rabble-rousing.)

SHELL

Oi! Whose side are you on?

HELEN

Im asking to talk to Nikki on behalf of you all!

YVONNE

Then talk to us all.

PRISONERS

Yeah. / Go on.

YVONNE

Explain to us why Rachels dead.

PRISONERS

COS IF YOU THINK WELL WALK AWAY

AS IF NOTHING REALLY MATTERS
THEN THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO SAY . . .

JIM

Ask Wade. Thats who Rachel was scared of.

(NIKKIS goaded to make her stand.)

NIKKI

Go screw yourself, Fenner!

(The women jeer in support. Its Us and Them, with HELEN and NIKKI facing
each other on opposite sides of the divide.)

PRISONERS
& OFFICERS

THATS THE WAY IT IS!

COME ON, COME ON
THATS THE WAY IT IS!
COME ON, COME ON
THATS THE WAY IT IS!
COME ON, COME ON
THATS THE WAY IT IS!

45

BRING IT ON DOWN
THATS THE WAY IT IS!
COME ON, COME ON
THATS THE WAY IT IS!
COME ON, COME ON
THATS THE WAY IT IS!
COME ON, COME ON
THATS THE WAY IT IS!
THATS THE WAY IT IS!
PRISONERS

COME ON, COME ON

JIM

Return to your cells now!

PRISONERS

COME ON, COME ON

DENNY / JULIE S

This is shit! / Weve had enough of your crap.

SYLVIA

Move it!

PRISONERS

COME ON, COME ON

JULIE J / SPIKE

Get screwed. / No way.

JIM

Last chance.

PRISONERS

COME ON, COME ON

(HELEN reaches out to NIKKI, desperate.)

HELEN

Please dont do this.

YVONNE

Better tool up, girls!

(Ad lib cheers and jeers from the women as they break away to arm
themselves with snooker cues and anything else they can find.)

NUMBER ONE

Report situation out of control.

Music No. 8a: RIOT MUSIC (INSTRUMENTAL)
[SFX: Riot mayhem alarms sounding, letting off fire extinguishers, furniture
being kicked over, etc.]
(The officers retreat from the wing. Riot.)
(Blackout.)
END OF ACT ONE

46

ACT TWO
A few days later . . .
SCENE ONE

HMP LARKHALL G WING / CRYSTALS CELL night. Out of the dark come the sounds of
chaotic kicking off behind locked doors angry protest and anguished wailing. CRYSTALS on her
bunk, with her guitar.
YVONNE

How much longer are you going to keep us banged up?

NOREEN

I havent had a fag for three days.

JULIE S

Its Fenner should be locked up twenty-four seven!

JULIE J

Yeah, bet Rachel strung herself up to get away from him!

PRISONERS

(ad libs) This is bang out of order. / They never listen to us. / We got rights. /
Yeah, what about our civil liberties and that?

NIKKI

They dont give a toss about us. Nor about Rachel either.

CRYSTAL

Youre at peace now, girl.

NOREEN

Shes well out of it.

SHELL

Sod Rachel Hicks. I need some bleeding peace.

JULIE S

I could string you up, Dockley.

JULIE J

Yeah, you evil cow.

(The cacophony increases and CRYSTAL covers her ears and sings out from her
soul )
Music No. 9: FREEDOM ROAD
(CRYSTAL & CHORUS chorus remains unseen throughout)

CRYSTAL

FREEDOM ROAD
LEAD ME HOME
(She falters, tearful. But silence descends.)

JULIE S

Go on, Crystal. Sing it, girl

JULIE J

Yeah, sing it for Rachel . . .

(CRYSTAL channels all the anger and anguish into a lament.)

47

CRYSTAL

FREEDOM ROAD
LEAD ME HOME
I HAVE TRAVELLED SO LONG
NOW MY JOURNEY IS THROUGH
I WILL COME HOME TO YOU
ALL MY TROUBLES ARE GONE
FREEDOM ROAD

CHORUS

FREEDOM ROAD

CRYSTAL

LEAD ME HOME

CHORUS

LEAD ME HOME

CRYSTAL

I HAVE TRAVELLED SO LONG

CHORUS

LORD, I HAVE TRAVELLED SO LONG

CRYSTAL

WHEN I LAY ME TO REST

CHORUS

LAY ME DOWN

CRYSTAL

MY SOUL WILL BE BLESSED

CRYSTAL
& CHORUS

ALL MY TROUBLES ARE GONE

FREEDOM ROAD
LEAD ME HOME
TAKE ME OUT OF THIS DARKNESS

CHORUS

LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE DOWN ON ME

CRYSTAL

LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE ON ME

FREEDOM ROAD

CHORUS

FREEDOM ROAD

CRYSTAL

LEAD ME HOME

CHORUS

LEAD ME HOME

CRYSTAL

I HAVE TRAVELLED SO LONG

CHORUS

LORD, I HAVE TRAVELLED SO LONG

CRYSTAL

NOW MY HEART FEELS NO PAIN

48

CHORUS

NO MORE PAIN

CRYSTAL

I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN

CRYSTAL
& CHORUS

ALL MY TROUBLES ARE GONE

ALL MY TROUBLES ARE GONE
FREEDOM ROAD
LEAD ME HOME
[SFX: Sounds of the prison machine relentlessly throbbing in the background.]
SCENE TWO

PRISON OFFICERS OFFICE next day. SYLVIA paces.

SYLVIA

Flaming Nora how long does it take for the buck to stop these days?

JUSTIN

Maybe Jims being told its stopped with him.

SYLVIA

Youd like that, would you?

JUSTIN

How can they blame Helen? She didnt drive Rachel Hicks to kill herself.

SYLVIA

Oh its Helen now, is it?

JUSTIN

I think the whole thing stinks.

(JUSTIN exits. JIM enters, smug. SYLVIA looks at him expectantly.)

SYLVIA

Jim?
(JIMS cryptic.)

SYLVIA (contd)

What? Tell me!

JIM

Youre looking at a man who has just been given the nod.

SYLVIA

Do you mean everything I hope you mean, Jim?

JIM

A new day dawns, Sylv. (Tic.) Just a shame you wont be part of it.

SYLVIA

Not part of it?

JIM

I thought you were putting in for early retirement. Bad back.

SYLVIA

A girl can change her mind. A bit of good news and I think a full recovery is
very much on the cards.

JIM

Looks like well both be moving up in the world, then. Soon as Stewart moves
out.

49

SYLVIA

You mean theyve sacked her?

JIM

Sacked? A senior civil servant? Dont be daft. Theyll just show her out the
side door. Long as she carries the can with her when she goes.

SYLVIA

Oh Jim I hardly dare believe it you in a suit and me by your side its a
dream come true!

JIM

No stopping us now, Sylv. Were going to show them how a prison really
should be run . . .
Music No. 10: THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT (JIM, SYLVIA & OFFICERS)

JIM (contd)

COS IF THE POWERS THAT BE

IN ALL THEIR WISDOM AGREE
NO OTHER CANDIDATE
CAN SWING THAT GATE LIKE ME . . .
(JIM offers SYLVIA his arm as they exit and a chorus of all singing / dancing
PRISON OFFICERS, waving batons, enter in a glamorous black and white vision
of JIMS fantasy.)

OFFICERS

THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT AGAIN

THE WORLD IS BLACK AND WHITE AGAIN
WERE KEY HAPPY
TOE-TAPPY
NEVER THOUGHT THAT WED BE SO HAPPY
ONE OF OUR BOYS HAS MADE IT
SHINING OUT LIKE A STAR
STAKING HIS CLAIM
MAKING HIS NAME
JIM YOU WILL GO FAR
(JIM enters in a spangly suit.)

JIM

THE FUTURE IS MINE AGAIN

IM SWINGING FROM A VINE AGAIN
LORD AND MASTER
OF A NEW DAY
HOLD ON FAST
WERE ON THE RUNWAY
HERE AT LAST
AND ILL BE HERE TO STAY

OFFICERS

YOUR LOYAL ARMY SALUTES YOU, SIR

(SYLVIA enters spectacularly transformed and wearing tap shoes.)

SYLVIA

I MUST SAY, THAT SUIT REALLY SUITS YOU, SIR

(JIM sits at his executive desk.)

50

JIM

COME IN
PULL A SEAT UP
PUT YOUR FEET UP
THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE
THE WITCH IS GONE
AND FROM NOW ON
THE MAN OF THE MOMENT IS ME
NOW ITS CREAM CAKES WITHOUT WARNING

SYLVIA

TEA BREAKS THAT LAST ALL MORNING

JIM & SYLVIA

NO, ITS NOT A DREAM

BUT THE START OF OUR NEW REGIME

OFFICERS &
JIM & SYLVIA

ITS LOOKING GOOD ITS LOOKING GOOD

ITS LOOKING GREAT ITS LOOKING GREAT
WERE GETTING RID WERE GETTING RID
WE COULDNT WAIT WE COULDNT WAIT
LETS GO WERE ON OUR WAY NOW
WE KNOW HES HERE TO STAY NOW
HEY HO EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OK NOW
(SYLVIA has a tap solo over the following.)

OFFICERS

OFFICERS &
JIM & SYLVIA

OFFICERS

ONE OF OUR BOYS HAS MADE IT

NO ONE ELSE COULD COMPARE
HOLDING THE FLAME
PLAYING THE GAME
WHO SAID WED PLAY FAIR?
THE DEED IS DONE THE DEED IS DONE
ITS IN THE BAG ITS IN THE BAG
THE BATTLES WON THE BATTLES WON
PUT UP THE FLAG PUT UP THE FLAG
WERE GONNA SPREAD A LITTLE HAPPINESS ALL OVER THE PLACE
LOCKING UP THE LOSERS WITH A SMILE ON OUR FACE
NOTHINGS GONNA STOP US NOW WERE BACK ON THE CASE
AND HOW
JUST LOOK WHOS THE BIG CHEESE NOW!
ITS LOOKING GOOD ITS LOOKING GOOD
ITS LOOKING GREAT ITS LOOKING GREAT
WERE GETTING RID WERE GETTING RID
WE COULDNT WAIT WE COULDNT WAIT
LETS GO WERE ON OUR WAY NOW
WE KNOW HES HERE TO STAY NOW
HEY HO EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OKAY NOW

51

JIM

THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT AGAIN

THE WORLD IS BANGED TO RIGHT AGAIN
IM KEY HAPPY
TOE-TAPPY
NEVER THOUGHT THAT ID BE SO HAPPY

OFFICERS

ONE OF BOYS HAS MADE IT

NO ONE ELSE COULD COMPARE
HOLDING THE FLAME
PLAYING THE GAME
WHO SAID WED PLAY FAIR?

JIM

HERE I STAND
WITH ALL THE WORLD AT MY FEET
JUST LIKE I ALWAYS PLANNED
VICTORY IS SWEET

OFFICERS

THE DEED IS DONE THE DEED IS DONE

ITS IN THE BAG ITS IN THE BAG
THE BATTLES WON THE BATTLES WON
PUT UP THE FLAG PUT UP THE FLAG
WERE GONNA SPREAD A LITTLE HAPPINESS ALL OVER THE PLACE
LOCKING UP THE LOSERS WITH A SMILE ON OUR FACE
NOTHINGS GONNA STOP US NOW WERE BACK ON THE CASE
TODAY

JIM

THE FUTURE IS MINE AGAIN

IM SWINGING FROM A VINE AGAIN
LORD AND MASTER
OF A NEW DAY
HOLD ON FAST
WERE ON THE RUNWAY
HERE AT LAST
AND ILL BE HERE TO STAY
FOR THE GLORIOUS

OFFICERS

UNMISTAKABLE

JIM

VICTORIOUS

OFFICERS

STILL UNBREAKABLE

OFFICERS & JIM

P - O - A!
(The union banner of the Prison Officers Association unfurls and all salute.)
Music No. 10a: THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT PLAYOFF (INSTRUMENTAL)
SCENE THREE

HELENS OFFICE. HELEN is at her desk studying the incident report. The NUMBER ONE enters.

52

NUMBER ONE

Miss Stewart?
(HELEN looks up. He gives her a patronising smile.)

NUMBER ONE
(contd)

I know how you must be feeling, but let me assure you one tragic mistake
need not be the end of a promising career. Providing youre prepared to cooperate.

HELEN

Co-operate? With this pack of lies?

NUMBER ONE

Helen

HELEN

Oh well obviously, if the Government wanted us to tell the truth about what
happens in prisons, why would it insist we all sign the Official Secrets Act?
(The NUMBER ONES mobile rings.)

NUMBER ONE

(into phone) Yes? Almost Certainly, your Ladyship. Ill be there. Goodbye.
(Ends call. To HELEN.) The important thing is knowing when to move on.

HELEN

Youre talking about covering up what caused a young womans death!

NUMBER ONE

Had you followed Mr Fenners advice about Wade, she might still be alive.

HELEN

Nikki Wade wasnt a threat to Rachel.

NUMBER ONE

Well she was certainly instrumental in causing a riot.

HELEN

This is all from Fenner, isnt it?

NUMBER ONE

Helen, you made the mistake of becoming involved with a dangerous and
manipulative inmate. The case is closed, whether you like it or not.

HELEN

Well I dont like it. I dont like it one bit!

NUMBER ONE

Your only option is where you go from here. But face it, Helen. You are going.

HELEN

And Ill tell you where to a tribunal.

(The NUMBER ONES taken aback.)

NUMBER ONE

Dont be ridiculous.

HELEN

Im not leaving those women with Fenner. Im going to fight this all the way.

NUMBER ONE

Then youll lose. Everything.

HELEN

Not my principles. And theyre worth more to me than a bloody pension.

(She turns away, determined. The NUMBER ONE fumes.)

53

NUMBER ONE

I sincerely advise you to think again, Miss Stewart. And swiftly.

(He exits, leaving HELEN to consider her fate.)
SCENE FOUR

G WING LANDING / SERVERY.

TANNOY

Unlock will now commence.

[SFX: Locks, bolts and bars the sound of multiple doors unlocking as the
women are finally let out of their cells.]

YVONNE

Bastards should be giving us silver service.

JULIE S

Thought they was waiting for us all to top ourselves.

JULIE J

Top ourselves.

NIKKI

Theyd just better tell us whats been done about Rachel.

PRISONERS

Yeah!
(JIM and SYLVIA enter and the women confront them.)

CRYSTAL

We want an explanation for this situation.

NIKKI

And we want it now!

PRISONERS

Stop pissing us about! / Bastards! / Been on holiday, have ya? / What about us?
/ What about Rachel? (etc . ad lib protests)
(JIM quells the tumult.)

JIM

Shut it! Ill tell you whats what.

YVONNE

You do that. And it better be good.

JIM

Theres been a tragic set of circumstances on this Wing which should never
have been allowed to happen. And, rest assured, Miss Stewart will be taking
full responsibility. So no more bending the rules from now on its back to
basics. Meaning you lot better start behaving like good girls, got it?

NIKKI

Total bollocks!
(The women are outraged, except for smug SHELL and DENNY.)

PRISONERS

This is a joke! / Bloody rubbish! / Tragic set of circumstances?! / Bleedin

whitewash! / I dont believe this.
(JIM nods to SYLVIA.)

SYLVIA

Johnston, Saunders serve out the slop. The rest of you form an orderly
queue. Move it!

54

(Nobody moves. The JULIES exchange looks in the servery then they rip off
their aprons and sling them on the floor.)
TWO JULIES

Shove it!

JULIE S

Were going on strike.

JULIE J

On strike.

SYLVIA

Youre what?

TWO JULIES

You heard.

JULIE S

So if you want that served

TWO JULIES

Serve it yourself!
(The other women cheer, except for SHELL and DENNY.)

PRISONERS

Yay! / Go for it, Julies!

JULIE S

We aint doing our jobs

JULIE J

Till hes lost his!

(They stand aside, arms folded.)

SYLVIA

Well youve lost your marbles if you think thats going to happen.
(SYLVIAS walkie talkie goes off.)

SYLVIA (contd)

Hello Control, Zulu receiving. Over.

(SYLVIA goes to one side to continue her conversation. JIM picks up the JULIES
aprons.)

JIM

Dockley Blood put these pinnies on and get serving.

(SHELL and DENNY are delighted.)

SHELL

Yes, sir!

DENNY

Wicked, man!
(The JULIES are taken aback and the other women are aghast.)

TWO JULIES

Eh?

JIM

Its you thats lost your jobs. And your visiting rights. (To the women.) Now
all of you get the message and get on with it.

55

(He leaves them to mutter amongst themselves as SHELL and DENNY take over
the servery. SYLVIA excitedly returns from her walkie talkie conversation).
SYLVIA

Jim! The Number One wants to see you. Urgent!

JIM

Well talk about fast-track.

(SYLVIA bundles him towards the gate where JUSTIN is about to enter.)

SYLVIA

Open the gate for your new Wing Governor, Justin. And look happy about it
or you might find yourself just out.
(JIM smirks.)

JIM

Very good, Sylvia.

(JIM exits, SYLVIA waves him off then turns on the women.)

SYLVIA

You heard your orders. Move it!

(She exits. JUSTIN locks the gate and despairs.)

SHELL

Grubs up.
(NOREEN approaches the counter with a tray.)

NOREEN

Mines a full English.

JULIE S

(to NOREEN) Eh? What dyou think youre playing at?

JULIE J

Wheres your solidarity?

NIKKI

Im with you, Julies.

CRYSTAL

Dont live by bread alone, innit?

(They all four stand aside in protest. The other women look to YVONNE.)

KAT

What you reckon, Yvonne?

YVONNE

Id rather be dead than fed by Dockley.

(The other women fall in behind her. SHELL and DENNY challenge from
behind the servery, brandishing their ladles.)

SHELL

Yeah? Well you aint gonna get fed by nobody else.

DENNY

This aint meals on wheels, Grandma.

SHELL

So, seeing as how weve got something you want, I think we need treating
with a bit of respect.

56

DENNY

Yeah, respect, man.

SHELL

(to the other women) And if we dont get it, you lot dont get nothing.

DENNY

Geddit?

YVONNE

(to DENNY) You lost the plot or something? Dont you care what happened to
Rachel?

DENNY

Nothing happened to her aint happened to me.

SHELL

Tell her to piss off, Den.

DENNY

Piss off.
(This is top dog stakes, and YVONNES not bending the knee.)

YVONNE

Right, Ladies. Clear the decks. Were all done here. (To JUSTIN.) Tell Fenner
were all going on strike. Hunger strike.

PRISONERS

Yeah! / Hunger strike!

NOREEN

Eh?
(But NOREENS swept out as the women exit the servery. SHELLS triumphant.)

SHELL

Whatever. Like we give a shit.

(And she slams the servery hatch closed. JUSTINS aghast, grabs NIKKI.)

JUSTIN

Nikki youve got to stop this.

NIKKI

Who the hell do you think I am head bloody prefect?

(She joins the rest of the women in clearing away. JUSTIN throws up his
hands.)

JUSTIN

This isnt going to help anything . . . (Firm.) Look, just wait by the gate.
(He hails the JULIES.)

JUSTIN (contd)

Julie (They both turn which one?) Miss Stewart asked me to give you this.
(He hands JULIE S a note.)

JUSTIN (contd)

Its the number of the foster home where your son is.

JULIE S

Eh? She remembered?

JUSTIN

(for NIKKIS ears, too) Shes not giving up on any of you women.

57

JULIE S

What, like theyre really going to let me speak to him?

JUSTIN

Youre still his mum, arent you?

(JULIE S looks at the note and quakes. JUSTIN rejoins NIKKI.)

JUSTIN (contd)

Miss Stewart wants to see you.

NIKKI

Good, because I want to see her.

(He leads her out. JULIE S turns to JULIE J.)

JULIE S

Shit, Ju. What am I gonna say?

JULIE J

Say youre overseas. And the lines bad. Tell him youll sort everything out
when youre back in the country. Honest, Ju, lyings best.
(JULIE J gives her a squeeze and goes. JULIE S picks up the phone and dials.)

JULIE S

(into phone) David? Its your mum . . . Watcha, mate. Gotta be quick cos its
long distance . . . Yeah, Im abroad . . . What? . . . er . . . Taiwan . . . I dont
know, Japan innit? We just fly in and go straight to the hotel and that never
know where we are half the time . . . Yeah, it is a good line, aint it?
Music No. 11: SORRY (JULIE S)

JULIE S (contd)

(music intro starts) . . . What? . . . You mean everything? . . . Oh, David

Ive been such a stupid cow . . .
IM SORRY
SORRY YOU FOUND OUT THIS WAY
No, listen
LISTEN
THERES SOME THINGS I NEED TO SAY
GOD KNOWS, I AINT NEVER BEEN PROUD OF WHAT I DO
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW
IM ALWAYS SO
SO PROUD OF YOU . . .
AND IM SORRY
SORRY I CANT HOLD YOU AND SQUEEZE YOU TIGHT
LOVE YOU
MISS YOU
ITS ONLY YOU THAT GETS ME THROUGH THE NIGHT
GOD KNOWS, THINGS DONT EVER TURN OUT THE WAY I PLANNED
BUT I HOPE AND PRAY
THAT SOME DAY
YOULL UNDERSTAND

58

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE THINGS GOOD

TO GIVE YOU THE LIFE YOU DESERVE
ID HAVE TOLD YOU ONE DAY YES, I WOULD
BUT I KEPT LOSING MY NERVE
AND IT SEEMED SO MUCH BETTER
I SHOULD BE
TRAVELLING THE WORLD
IN SOME FANTASY
STEAD OF WHICH IM A LIAR AND A CON
BUT YOURE THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME HOLDING ON
SORRY WHATS THAT YOU SAY?
Course you can if you want to, darling
YOU CAN COME VISIT ANY DAY
GOD KNOWS, THERE AINT NOBODY ELSE ID RATHER SEE
SO, THERE YOU GO
YOUR FIRST V.O.
Got to send you this form called a Visiting Order Ill put it in the post
straight off, then you can come in (soon as) oh shit, David, I forgot
Fenners stopped our visits . . .
(She puts on a brave face.)
BUT IM GONNA MAKE THINGS GOOD
NO MATTER HOW BAD IT SEEMS
ILL BE THERE LIKE A MOTHER SHOULD BE
SO YOU CAN FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS
YES, THINGS WILL GET BETTER
WAIT AND SEE
WELL WORK IT NOW
JUST YOU AND ME . . .
COS I DONT EVER, EVER WANT TO BE
SO SORRY . . .
AGAIN.
(JULIE S puts the phone down and despairs.)
[SFX: Prison sounds merge into the hissing cistern of the urinals.]
SCENE FIVE

HMP LARKHALL MALE STAFF TOILETS. The NUMBER ONE is at the urinals with Jim,
updating him on the concerning turn of events.
NUMBER ONE

We have a problem, Jim. Helen Stewart is refusing to fall on her sword. She
wants to go to tribunal.

JIM

Tribunal? You cant let her do that, sir.

59

NUMBER ONE

If she insists, how can I stop her?

JIM

But thatd drag out the aggro for months. Cost the taxpayer a fortune. Not to
mention the damage she could do to this prisons good reputation.

NUMBER ONE

I think you should know its your reputation shes gunning for, Jim. Ive got to
go and assuage the Board of Governors.
(He sprays breath freshener in his mouth and makes to leave. JIMS rattled.)

JIM

Just proves what I told you, sir how shes got too close to the cons and let
herself be influenced.

NUMBER ONE

Then other influences will have to be brought to bear. My responsibility is

simply to ensure that a head rolls. And much though Id prefer it not to be
yours, Jim, whatever happens its not going to be mine.
(He exits, leaving JIM with the burden.)

JIM

Shit . . .
(SYLVIA sneaks in.)

SYLVIA

Jim

JIM

Sylvia!

SYLVIA

Just tell me how did it go?

(JIM fronts up.)

JIM

In the right direction, just a slight unforeseen hold-up.

SYLVIA

Whats that?

JIM

Stewart still thinks shes got a leg to stand on.

SYLVIA

What, after a suicide and an all-out riot?

JIM

Take one more cock-up to clinch it.

SYLVIA

Any tips such as?

JIM

Such as a load of Class A turning up on the Wing, for instance? Due to her
stopping our routine searches?

SYLVIA

Well, a nods as good as a wink to me . . .

(SYLVIA exits on dancing feet. JIM straightens his tie with satisfaction.)
Music No. 11a: SCENE CHANGE (INSTRUMENTAL)

60

SCENE SIX
HELENS OFFICE. HELENS at her desk, stewing over paperwork in the red file. JUSTIN enters.
JUSTIN

Nikki Wade for you.

HELEN

(He ushers NIKKI in. Shes bristling with hostility.)

Thanks, Justin. Will you wait outside?
(JUSTIN nods and exits. NIKKI confronts HELEN.)

NIKKI

So what did they give you? Cushy desk-job in area management?

HELEN

I wish youd shut up and stop giving Fenner another excuse to send you down.

NIKKI

I dont need to give him one, do I? Hes a rapist whatever he wants he takes.

HELEN

And all youve bloody well done is play into his hands, Nikki.

NIKKI

Me? Youre the naive do-gooder who thinks she can turn this place into a girl
guide camp.

HELEN

I stupidly thought if I gave you another chance, at least youd have the sense to
stay out of trouble. But no, you go and kick off a full-scale riot.

NIKKI

I had no choice. Rachel Hicks died! Has anyone asked Fenner what he was
doing that night?

HELEN

No. Everybodys asking me what I was doing bringing you back on to the
wing. And I cant answer them, can I?

NIKKI

Well you cant let Fenner win. Nobodyll be safe in here if he gets your job.

HELEN

Dont think I dont blame myself.

(She turns away, choking back tears.)

HELEN (contd)

I failed. I shouldve talked to Rachel sooner. I just didnt think for one minute
shed go and kill herself . . .
(NIKKIS pulled up.)

NIKKI

Hey, look.
(NIKKI moves closer.)

NIKKI (contd)

Were on the same side, remember? Well fight together. Dont beat yourself
up. Helen please . . .

61

(NIKKI touches HELENS teary face and HELENS that close to falling into her
arms. Then JUSTIN is suddenly at the door and they spring apart as he looks
in.)
JUSTIN

Sorry, just you went very quiet and I wondered

(NIKKI flares.)

NIKKI

What, if Id returned to my murdering ways?

(HELEN grabs up the red file, her bag and her coat.)

HELEN

Take Nikki back to her cell, please. Im going home to work on my case.

JUSTIN

Right. Ill be round straight after my shift, then?

HELEN

Yeah, thatd be great.

(The penny drops for NIKKI.)

NIKKI

Ill come too shall I? Bring a bottle . . . ?

HELEN

Goodnight, Nikki.
(HELEN exits, leaving NIKKI bristling with extra resentment.)

JUSTIN

(to NIKKI) Right

NIKKI

See you didnt waste much time, then. How cosy.

(NIKKI exits. JUSTIN follows, shaken. Day turns to night and we hear the night
calls start up, led by protesting YVONNE. MUSIC STARTS.)

YVONNE

You cant kill us all, Fenner!

JULIE S

Got nothing else to lose now, have we?

JULIE J

Be scared, you bastard!

SPIKE

Save your breath, hes not listening.

NOREEN

Were all going to starve to death cos of you Two Julies kicking off.

KAT

Yeah, least we got fed all right before.

JULIE S

You cant blame us how its went.

JULIE J

Aint our fault Dockleys a scab.

SHELL

Eat shit, Wade! And you, Atkins.

(Stormy sky, dark clouds rolling past the moon.)

62

SCENE SEVEN
HELENS FLAT / NIKKIS CELL night. HELEN and NIKKI are in their separate spaces, both equally

distracted and disturbed . . .

Music No. 12: EVERY NIGHT (HELEN & NIKKI)

NIKKI

WHY DOES SHE DO THIS TO ME?

HOW DID I LET HER IN?
WHEN I SHOULD KNOW BY NOW TO BEWARE

HELEN

WHY DOES SHE DO THIS TO ME?

HOW CAN I EVER WIN?
AND THOUGH I TELL MYSELF I DONT CARE

BOTH

SHES ALWAYS THERE . . .

NIKKI

EVERY NIGHT I SEE HER

THE MOMENT I CLOSE MY EYES TO SLEEP
SHES THERE IN THE DREAMS I KEEP
IN MY HEART

HELEN

EVERY NIGHT I SEE HER

SOMEHOW SHES ALWAYS ON MY MIND
AND MAYBE IVE JUST BEEN BLIND
FROM THE START

BOTH

ALL MY DEFENCES
LIE HERE BROKEN IN TWO
I TRY TO WAKE UP AND COME TO MY SENSES
BUT THERES NO WAY THROUGH
WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
EVERY DAY I SEE HER
DARING MY HEART TO CROSS THAT LINE
IGNORE EVERY DANGER SIGN
AND FALL
HOPELESSLY LOST
TO RISK IT ALL
WHATEVER THE COST
BUT INSIDE I KNOW
I AM ONLY FALLING APART

HELEN

EVERY NIGHT I SEE HER

NIKKI

EVERY NIGHT I SEE HER

HELEN

THE MOMENT I CLOSE MY EYES TO SLEEP

NIKKI

SHES THERE IN MY DREAMS

63

HELEN

THIS SECRET IS BURNING DEEP

NIKKI

BURNING DEEP

BOTH

IN MY HEART
BUT THIS IS CRAZY
WHAT AM I THINKING?
IM LOSING MY WAY IN THE DARK

HELEN

ITS JUST TOO MUCH

NIKKI

ITS NOT ENOUGH

HELEN

TO SEE HER FACE EVERY DAY

NIKKI

WHEN THERES SO MUCH TO SAY

HELEN

TO FEEL HER SO CLOSE YET SO FAR

NIKKI

TO FEEL HER SO CLOSE YET SO FAR

HELEN

WHEN NOTHING CAN CHANGE WHO WE ARE

NIKKI

WHEN NOTHING CAN CHANGE WHO WE ARE

BUT I CANT LET HER GO

HELEN

BUT I CANT LET HER KNOW

BOTH

EVERY NIGHT I SEE HER

THE MOMENT I CLOSE MY EYES TO SLEEP
THIS SECRET IS BURNING DEEP
IN MY HEART
(The lights go out in the prison and the door bell rings in the flat. HELEN pulls
herself together and goes to let in JUSTIN. He hands her a bottle of vodka. Hes
out of uniform and has made an effort with his appearance.)

JUSTIN

Hi.

HELEN

Hi.

JUSTIN

Ready for a drink?

HELEN

Yeah, a large one.

(She takes the bottle and fetches glasses.)

HELEN (contd)

You look nice.

64

(JUSTIN gives a gawky thumbs up in response then picks up the red folder and sits
on the sofa.)
JUSTIN

Hows it reading?

HELEN

I can fight till I drop, Justin, but Im never going to win without a scrap of
evidence.

JUSTIN

I cant believe Rachel didnt leave a note. Kicking myself I let Fenner go into
her cell on his own. I swear the women are right about him.
(She hands him a filled glass and raises her own.)

HELEN

Well heres to hopeless causes.

(She slugs it back, pours another and joins him on the sofa.)

JUSTIN

Youre not that, Helen. Youre . . . (He loses his nerve.)

HELEN

Maybe theyre right I dont deserve this job. Get too emotionally involved.

JUSTIN

Because you care!

(She bites back tears and he moves closer to her on the sofa.)

JUSTIN (contd)

Im only staying in the job myself because of you.

(He moves in for a kiss but HELEN moves away, which causes him to topple.)

HELEN

Justin, dont

JUSTIN

Oh, shit, sorry. I know youre well out of my league.

HELEN

No, its not that, its me Im not Oh Jesus . . .

(She turns away.)

JUSTIN

Look I know youre under a lot of pressure . . .

HELEN

Its not that.

JUSTIN

What? What is it?

(HELEN decides to bite the bullet.)

HELEN

Its Nikki Wade . . .

JUSTIN

Dont let Nikki Wade get under your skin.

HELEN

She already has.

65

JUSTIN

What do you mean

HELEN

(pause) I think you know what I mean . . .

(She looks at him. He looks at her. And they both slug back their drinks as the
lights dim to black.)
SCENE EIGHT

G WING LANDING next morning.

TANNOY

Unlock will now commence. [SFX: Locks, bolts and bars echoing sounds
of multiple keys in locks as another day begins.]
(Lights up on the landing. The hungry women are slumped at the empty
tables. Justins on duty at the gate, lost in his own troubled thoughts. SHELL
and DENNY are stuffing their faces at the servery as they tidy up. SYLVIA
patrols, a spring in her step and a smirk on her face.)

SYLVIA

Last orders for breakfast. Any takers?

(NOREEN steps forward, but is pulled back by CRYSTAL.)

CRYSTAL

The Lord fasted for forty days and forty nights.

NOREEN

I might not live that long.

(NOREEN reluctantly falls back into place.)

SYLVIA

Well, its your funeral.

(She exits into the office.)

SHELL

Time and motion, innit Den? Less serving out, less clearing up.
(She cackles as she exits with a tray of food. And YVONNE gets to her feet.)

YVONNE

Im gonna work on the weakest link.

(She pitches up in front of DENNY.)

YVONNE (contd)

Youre making a big mistake, Denny. Running around with that screws slag.

DENNY

Yeah? Well a tray of sausages to meself says you dont know shit, innit?

YVONNE

Is that all you want out of life Dockleys leftovers?

DENNY

Itll be you lots screwed when Fenners boss. Me and Shells gonna get special
everything then.

66

YVONNE

Listen to me, Denny. I know youve had a tough life childrens homes and
that. No wonder you want to be special to somebody. But what youre really
looking for is a mum, yeah?

DENNY

What are you? Some sort of undercover probation officer?

YVONNE

Im trying to give you a break, Denny.

DENNY

Why dont you leave me alone?

YVONNE

Cos maybe I need a second chance an all. For being a lousy mum to my own
kids. But I cant make it up to them cos ones dead and the others doing life
for murder. So what do you reckon?

DENNY

(rattled) Reckon youre just trying to mess with my head.

YVONNE

Oh do yourself a favour, love. Do Dockley one too. Cos if she thinks shes
anything special to Fenner? You know what that bastards about. Hell bin her
off like a shot. And where will you be then, Den?

DENNY

(gesturing with a sausage) Up yours, Atkins.

(And she exits after SHELL. YVONNE returns to the table, frustrated.)

YVONNE

Shes her own worst enemy, that one.

NIKKI

She cant see past Dockley.

(She heads off to brood by herself.)

JULIE S

Were stuffed, aint we?

JULIE J

Stuffed.

YVONNE

Thats the one thing we aint.

(As Justin crosses in front of them, going about his duties, they eye up his
passing bum.)

YVONNE (contd)

(to the JULIES) You know, I can do without food. I can even do without booze.
But I cant do without . . .

JULIE S

Dont go there.

JULIE J

I dont

JULIE S

Nor me.

JULIE J

No way.

JULIE S

Who needs it?

67

TWO JULIES

Not us.

YVONNE

Oh yeah? I cant think about nothing else most nights.

JULIE S

Well you should be ashamed of yourself at a time like this.

JULIE J

Should be thinking about what happened to poor Rachel.

(Drum intro starts and all three are gazing at JUSTIN.)

YVONNE

Yeah. But lets face it, aint nothing like death to whet your appetite for life.
(They give up pretending.)
Music No. 13: ALL BANGED UP (YVONNE & THE TWO JULIES)

YVONNE
& JULIES

WERE ALL BANGED UP WITHOUT THE BANG

WEVE GOT THE GO BUT THERES NO FAN DANG
HOWS ANY GIRL MEANT TO DO HER THANG
WHEN SHES ALL BANGED UP ALONE?

YVONNE

WERE ALL BANGED UP WITHOUT THE BANG

JULIE S

THIS LITTLE CHASSIS NEEDS A FULL FRONT PRANG

JULIE J

IM LIKE A VAMPIRE WITHOUT A FANG

YVONNE
& JULIES

AND WERE ALL VAMPED UP ALONE

AND THOUGH WE TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT
ALL THE PLEASURES WE MISS
THERES BUGGER ALL ELSE TO THINK ABOUT
WHEN YOURE DUMPED IN A HELLHOLE LIKE THIS
DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY
THESE ASSETS ARE WASTING AWAY
WERE ALL BANGED UP WITHOUT THE BANG
WE GET THE TWINGES BUT WHERES OUR TWANG?
WHIPPED TO A PEAK LIKE A STIFF MERINGUE
BUT WERE ALL WHIPPED UP ALONE
(They make a bee-line towards unsuspecting JUSTIN.)

YVONNE
& JULIES (contd)

BANG BANG!
BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!

68

(YVONNE toys with him.)

YVONNE

I WANT TO FEEL THE WEIGHT OF A HANDSOME HUNK

LYING ON TOP OF ME IN MY BUNK
AND WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN, SO DOES HE
TIL EVERYTHING GOES TING-A-LING INSIDE OF ME
DONT WANNA FALL IN LOVE, I DONT EXPECT ROMANCE
I JUST WANT SOME ACTION INSIDE MY PANTS
I NEVER THOUGHT DESIRE COULD BE SO STRONG
NEVER THOUGHT ID EVER HAVE TO GO SO LONG

JULIES

ITS JUST

YVONNE

ITS JUST

JULIES

A LITTLE THRUST

YVONNE

A LITTLE THRUST

YVONNE
& JULIES

IT MUST BE THE LEAST YOU CAN DO

JULIES

YOURE A SCREW

YVONNE

YOURE A SCREW

JULIES

WE CAN TRUST

YVONNE

WE CAN TRUST

YVONNE
& JULIES

JUSTIN

AND OUR WELFARE IS ALL DOWN TO YOU

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT
THINK OF OUR DESPERATE PLIGHT
You really should try and eat something.
(JUSTIN escapes.)

YVONNE
& JULIES

WERE ALL BANGED UP WITHOUT THE BANG

WEVE GOT THE GO BUT THERES NO FAN DANG
HOWS ANY GIRL MEANT TO DO HER THANG
WHEN SHES ALL BANGED UP ALONE
WERE ALL BANGED UP WITHOUT THE BANG
NOBODY WANTS TO BE IN OUR GANG
WE COULDNT CARE LESS IF SPRING JUST SPRANG
IF THE QUEEN JUST RANG
THEY CAN ALL GO HANG

69

COS UNTIL WE GET OUT AND GET OUT WITH A BANG!

WERE ALL BANGED UP
WERE ALL BANGED UP
WERE ALL BANGED UP
ALONE
(They slump, in bitter frustration. JUSTIN makes a decision and goes to join
NIKKI for a private word during which SHELL and DENNY reappear at the
servery to finish cleaning up.)
JUSTIN

Nikki can I talk to you? About Helen?

NIKKI

No thanks. Spare me the details.

JUSTIN

For gods sake shes risking everything for you women. And if you want to
help her beat Fenner youd better act before its too late.

NIKKI

Look, she doesnt give a toss what I could do for her, darling.
(Shes about to move away JUSTIN grabs her and blurts.)

JUSTIN

Yeah? Well I wish you were right about that. But she cant tell you what she
feels about you, can she?
(Pregnant pause.)

NIKKI

Eh? What are you talking about?

JUSTIN

The point is youll never find out if we dont put a stop to Fenner. And hes
going to use every dirty trick in the book now.
(SYLVIA exits the office and hails JUSTIN.)

SYLVIA

Mr Mattison weve had a tip-off theres a large stash of illegal drugs on the
Wing.

NOREEN

(excitedly) Where?

SYLVIA

Which I sincerely hope, for Miss Stewarts sake, we dont find . . .

(The women exchange disbelieving looks as SYLVIA snaps on rubber gloves
and JUSTIN nods to NIKKI.)

JUSTIN

What did I say?

NIKKI

Okay.

SYLVIA

(to JUSTIN) This way. (She marches towards the servery.) Dockley, Blood
stand aside.

SHELL

Eh?

70

SYLVIA

Were conducting a drugs search in this servery.

SHELL

There aint no drugs round here.

SYLVIA

Then we wont find any, will we? But if we do, well obviously know whose
they are.
(CRYSTALS self-righteous.)

CRYSTAL

What I been saying, innit?

(SYLVIA bobs under the counter and produces the sugar jar.)

SYLVIA

Whats in here?

SHELL

What it says, innit? Sugar.

(SYLVIA removes the lid and peers inside.)

SYLVIA

And since when did sugar come individually wrapped by the gram? Looks like
cocaine to us, Dockley.

NOREEN

Dyou want me to do a taste test, Miss?

SYLVIA

Shut it, Biggs.

SHELL

Well someones lying if they told you its mine. And it aint hers, neither, is it
Den?

DENNY

Give mine to Shell to stash in her cell, innit?

SHELL

No you never!

DENNY

Eh?

SYLVIA

Take Dockley down the block, Mr Mattison. Ill take this off to the lab and
report to Mr Fenner.

CRYSTAL

Hallelujah!

SYLVIA

Then get the rest of them banged up.

CRYSTAL

Eh?
(SYLVIA exits with the sugar jar, leaving SHELL reeling and the other women
protesting. NIKKI takes YVONNE and the JULIES aside for an urgent word.)

PRISONERS

Cant bang us up? / Whatve we done? / Its Dockleys brung drugs in. / Do
her! / Aint our bleeding fault.

SHELL

They aint my drugs in that jar! I been framed, innit? Somebodys frigging fit me up.

71

NIKKI

Got it in one, Dockley.

SHELL

Eh?

NIKKI

Who do you think?

SHELL

Its you, innit! (To JUSTIN.) Its her, sir!

JUSTIN

Nikkis not your enemy, Dockley. And Im not taking my orders from
Bodybag.

YVONNE
& JULIES

Whoooh!

NOREEN

Shit me, whats this? Screw against screw?

NIKKI

Hes trying to help us screw Fenner.

SHELL

You what?

YVONNE

Who is it wants to shaft Miss Stewart so he can get her job? (To SHELL.) And
the pick of any new girl he fancies?

PRISONERS

Fenner!

JUSTIN

Who else?

YVONNE

(to DENNY) Trust me now?

(DENNY does. And confronts SHELL.)

DENNY

Like obvious, innit Shell?

SHELL

Dont talk dribble. Me and hims got a deal.

NOREEN

Hes just using you, you soppy cow.

SHELL

No, Im his eyes and ears, right?

JULIE S

Tits and arse, more like.

JULIE J

As in yesterdays, right?
(Music intro.)
Music No. 14: THE BADDEST AND THE BEST
(NIKKI, DENNY, JUSTIN & PRISONERS)

NIKKI

YOUD BETTER WISE UP

TO THE WAY THIS IS GOING DOWN
FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE USE YOUR BRAIN

72

PRISONERS

Yeah, get real, Shell. / Dont be thick. / Its obvious innit. / Like I told you. etc.

DENNY

LIKE A BAD DREAM

THAT KEEPS ON COMING ROUND
HES GONNA SCREW YOU OVER AGAIN

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

AND YOULL BE HISTORY BEFORE YOU KNOW WHATS HIT

GIRL, YOU NEED A WAKE UP CALL AND THIS IS IT

YVONNE

SO YOU BETTER LISTEN UP

COS WERE ALL GONNA BEAT THIS RAP

JUSTIN

IF HES OUT TO GET YOU GET HIM FIRST!

YVONNE

WE NEED A QUEEN BEE

TWO JULIES

SITTING IN A HONEY TRAP

NIKKI

SHARPEN UP YOUR STING AND DO YOUR WORST

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

AND HELL BE HISTORY BEFORE THE DAY IS THROUGH

SO MAKE YOUR MIND UP NOW ITS UP TO YOU!

NIKKI

DO YOU WANNA BE BAD?

PRISONERS

DO YOU WANNA BE BAD?

NIKKI

DO YOU WANNA BE THE BADDEST AND THE BEST?

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

YOUVE BEEN MESSED AROUND AND TRAMPLED DOWN

GET IF OFF YOUR CHEST

NIKKI

NO YOU DONT GET MAD

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

YOU DONT GET MAD

NIKKI

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

SHELL

YOU JUST GET BADDER THAN ALL THE REST

NO ONE ELSE COULD TAKE THAT CROWN
YOURE THE BADDEST AND THE BEST
THE BADDEST
THE BADDEST
THE BADDEST AND THE BEST
Well its obvious Im the best, innit?

73

NIKKI

So? Are you in with us?

YVONNE

Or just out for yourself?

DENNY

Go on, Shell . . .

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

THE BADDEST
THE BADDEST
THE BADDEST AND THE BEST
(SHELL considers for a moment.)

SHELL

Yeah, all right.

(A big cheer goes up.)

SHELL (contd)

(to DENNY) I could get used to this solidarity shit.

NIKKI

Right, everyone? Lets go to work.

(The women disperse. YVONNE gets on the phone to her gangster husband.)

YVONNE

(into phone) Charlie, its me. Do us a favour, darling? I need a state of the art
wireless minicam and receiver unit, some extra-long-length line-out cable, a
couple of male and female adaptors to link it up to the main security system,
and like yesterday, yeah?
(A parcel flies over the prison wall, to be caught by JUSTIN who unwraps it.
Its the minicam, as requested. JUSTIN gives the camera to KAT.)

YVONNE (contd)

(ending call) Thanks, Charlie.

IMPRESSED?
IF YOURE GONNA BE BAD

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

IF YOURE GONNA BE BAD

YVONNE

YOU GOTTA GET THE BADDEST AND THE BEST

NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO ITS WHO YOU KNOW
PUT IT TO THE TEST

YVONNE (contd)

NO YOU DONT GET MAD

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

YOU DONT GET MAD

YVONNE

YOU JUST GET BADDER THAN ALL THE REST

HIT HIM HARD AND HIT HIM LOW
DO YOUR BADDEST AND YOUR BEST!

74

(YVONNE enjoys a cigarette while the others do their bit: CRYSTAL and
NOREEN break into the filing cabinet in the P.O.s Office, using a hairpin from
CRYSTALS headwrap and NOREENS lock-picking skills to steal the keys to the
security monitor room.)
CRYSTAL

AND IM SURE THE LORD WILL UNDERSTAND

IF WE HAS TO BE A LITTLE BIT UNDERHAND
WHEN YOURE OUT TO SMITE THE DEVIL
YOU GOTTA SINK DOWN TO HIS LEVEL
(SHELL takes up position for her makeover, while Denny stands lookout at the
door. The JULIES kit SHELL out in a sexy corset, stetson and cowboy boots.)

TWO JULIES

WELL FIX YOU UP TO LOOK SO NICE

HE WONT THINK TWICE
BEFORE HE MAKES HIS MOVE
ITS AN EASY CASE TO PROVE
(JUSTIN and NIKKI connect the cables to the prison security monitor system.

Meanwhile, KAT is experimenting with the now live camera and the shots she
gets are seen on the bank of monitors that JUSTIN and NIKKI have been
working on. Extreme close-ups in true rock n roll video fashion form the
backdrop to the rest of the song as KAT experiments with the camera.)

JUSTIN

AND WHEN ITS UP THERE ON THAT SCREEN

WHEN THE TRUTH IS FINALLY SEEN . . .
(DENNY gets carried away by the excitement of it all.)

DENNY

YOURE GONNA BE A TV STAR

AND THE WHOLE WORLDS GONNA KNOW WHO YOU ARE
YOULL BE THE BEST THERES EVER BEEN

SHELL

Now that bad, bad man is gonna rot in hell

DENNY

HES GOING ROT AWAY IN HELL

SHELL

ILL MAKE HIM WISH WED NEVER MET

DENNY

HES GONNA WISH HE NEVER EVER MET YOU

SHELL

COS IM IN THE MOOD

DENNY

IN THE MOOD

SHELL

FOR A GOODNIGHT KISS AND TELL

DENNY

FOR A GOODNIGHT KISS AND TELL

SHELL

THISLL BE A FACE HE WONT FORGET

75

DENNY
SHELL & DENNY

HE AINT NEVER EVER GONNA FORGET YOU

AND HELL BE HISTORY BEFORE THE DAY IS DONE
WE MAY BE CRAZY BUT REVENGE IS FUN
IF YOURE GONNA BE BAD

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

IF YOURE GONNA BE BAD

SHELL & DENNY

YOU GOTTA BE THE BADDEST AND THE BEST

ALL

DONT GET MESSED AROUND AND TRAMPLED DOWN

GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST

SHELL & DENNY

NO YOU DONT GET MAD

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

YOU DONT GET MAD

ALL

YOU JUST GET BADDER THAN ALL THE REST

SHELL

WHOS THE BADDEST GIRL IN TOWN?

PRISONERS
& JUSTIN

THE BADDEST, THE BADDEST

THE BADDEST AND THE BEST
THE BADDEST, THE BADDEST
THE BADDEST OF THE BADDEST
AND THE BADDEST AND THE BEST!
(Theres a flash / bang as the wiring sparks, the screens go fuzzy and then
return to normal.)

NIKKI

(to YVONNE) Your camera may be state of the art, but you cant say the same
about that wiring.

JUSTIN

(to SHELL) All set?

SHELL

You bet.

DENNY

Good luck, Shell.

SHELL

I dont need luck.

YVONNE

Just dont screw up.

JUSTIN

Okay, everybody else get back in your cells, yeah?

(JUSTIN leads SHELL out and the other women hurry off to their cells.)
Music No. 14: SCENE CHANGE (INSTRUMENTAL)

76

SCENE NINE

SEG BLOCK CELL. JUSTIN is putting the camera up on the seg block wall.
JUSTIN

Make sure you get his face in view.

SHELL

Hell be ready for his close-up, dont worry.

JUSTIN

Hed better be. When I flick that switch to over-ride I dont want the Number
One looking at a blank screen.

SHELL

You deliver the audience, Ill deliver the show.

(JUSTIN exits. Shell removes a bag of white powder and a straw from her
cleavage and snorts a quick line on the lid of the toilet. Then SHELL hears a
key in the door, and sits on her solitary bunk, disconsolate, as JIM unlocks
and enters, impatient.)

JIM

Shell?

SHELL

Jim!

JIM

Yee-ha!

SHELL

Been doing my nut waiting for you. Bodybags set me up on this drugs rap.
(JIM shoves the piss pot at her.)

JIM

Just piss in the pot, will you?

SHELL

Eh? Saying you want me to test positive?

JIM

Look, Im trying to get rid of Stewart for being soft on drugs. But if you dont
trust me, love well, thats the end of it.
(He makes to go and she leaps after him.)

SHELL

No Jim wait.

JIM

Too late.

SHELL

No no you got me wrong. Course I trust you to do right by me. Always

have done, yeah? I was just you know just thought youd gone off me.

JIM

Better make me believe I can still get what I want from you, then.
(Music intro starts up.)

SHELL

All yours for the taking, innit?

(SHELL takes the lead and coaxes JIM into action.)

77

Music No. 15: FIRST LADY (JIM & SHELL)

SHELL (contd)

I NEED A MAN WITH HIS HAND ON THE WHEEL

WHO HAS THE POWER TO GO FAR

JIM

Yep. You bet. All the way to the top.

SHELL

YOU NEED A WOMAN TO SHOW YOU THE WAY TO REVEAL

WHAT KIND OF MAN YOU TRULY ARE

JIM

Oh Ill reveal everything, darling.

SHELL

ITS JUST THE TWO OF US WITH NO ONE ELSE TO SEE

SO WHY NOT START REVEALING YOURSELF TO ME?
ILL BE YOUR
FIRST LADY OF THE NIGHT
WONT YOU COME OUT AND PLAY
IM TAKING YOU ALL THE WAY
IF YOU CAN GO THE DISTANCE
ILL OFFER NO RESISTANCE
YOU KNOW WEVE ALWAYS BEEN SO RIGHT
IM YOUR FIRST LADY OF THE NIGHT

JIM

BUT LETS NOT FORGET, LOVE, THAT A MAN NEEDS HIS SPACE
TO COME AND GO AS HE MAY PLEASE

SHELL

Dont you worry about that, Jim.

YOU CAN BE SURE THAT A WOMAN LIKE ME KNOWS HER PLACE
ILL BE HERE WAITING ON MY KNEES

BOTH

AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TREATS YOU HAVE IN STORE

IM GONNA HAVE YOU LIKE YOUVE NEVER BEEN HAD BEFORE

SHELL

ILL BE YOUR

BOTH

FIRST LADY OF THE NIGHT

TURN ALL THE LIGHTS DOWN LOW
WERE IN FOR AN ALL NIGHT SHOW
JUST GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION
COS IN THIS SITUATION
YOU CANT DENY IT FEELS SO RIGHT
YOURE MY/ IM YOUR
FIRST LADY OF THE NIGHT.
YOU REALLY ROCK ME OFF MY FEET
MAYBE ITS MEANT TO BE
TOGETHER WE COULD HAVE THIS WHOLE WORLD IN OUR HANDS
BABY WERE TURNING UP THE HEAT
THIS IS YOUR DESTINY

78

YOU AND ME
WE GOT SOMETHING NO ONE UNDERSTANDS
(As JIM melts under her spell, SHELL removes the key chain and handcuffs
from his belt, under the guise of sex play. Meanwhile JUSTIN leads SYLVIA,
HELEN and the NUMBER ONE into the security room.)
FIRST LADY OF THE NIGHT
TURN ALL THE LIGHTS DOWN LOW
WERE IN FOR AN ALL NIGHT SHOW
JUST GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION
COS IN THIS SITUATION
YOU KNOW WEVE ALWAYS BEEN SO RIGHT
YOURE MY / IM YOUR
FIRST LADY
JIM

MY FIRST

SHELL

AND ONLY

BOTH

LADY OF THE NIGHT.

(The number concludes with SHELL sitting astride JIM, who is now handcuffed
to the bed. As JIM grunts and SHELL grinds, JUSTIN flicks the switch in the
security control room to override the system. The bank of security monitor
screens starts to fill up with images of illicit officer /inmate activity, oblique at
first, then becoming more and more explicitly sexual. Then, for the first time,
JIMS face is clear for all to see on the screens.)

Jim

Ah-ah-ah-ah . . .
(Music [No. 15a] continues under the following.)

NUMBER ONE

(over tannoy) Mr. Fenner!!!

(JIM jolts, aghast, and SHELL points to the camera with triumphant glee.)

SHELL

Smile for the camera, sir!

(The screens fill with big close-ups of JIMS face, frozen in horror, as he
realises how spectacularly he has been caught.)

NUMBER ONE

(over tannoy) Security to the seg block now! Detain Principal Officer
Fenner. And call the police!
(Then all the screens suddenly fill up with a flaming flash which sizzles along
the circuitry and the whole scene goes black.)

SHELL

(to JIM) Ooops! Looks like the electrics just went on the blink.
(She flicks on her lighter. JIM panics.)

79

JIM

Give me the key.

SHELL

The what?

JIM

Give me the bloody key, you stupid bitch. Ive gotta get out of here.
(SHELL takes stock. This is an interesting situation.)

SHELL

Well that aint a very nice way to talk to your special lady.

JIM

Please, Shell.

SHELL

I dunno. These old electrics, they was an accident waiting to happen, innit?
Shell flicks her lighter and considers for a moment . . .

JIM

What . . .?
(She holds the lighter to the mattress and proceeds to set fire to it.)

JIM (contd)

What the hell are you doing?

SHELL

Sparks can catch hold anywhere . . .

JIM

No! Shell! Stop please Im begging you.

SHELL

Since when did them words mean anything to you?

JIM

Ill fess up to everything I swear just unlock these cuffs!

SHELL

I tried to, didnt I? But I just couldnt find the key.

JIM

For Gods sake, Shell.

(She swings his key chain up in the air and drops it down the loo.)

SHELL

Help! Fire!
(And she leaps out of the cell as it bursts into flames.)

JIM

Aaargh!!!
Music No. 15a: THE BADDEST AND THE BEST REPRISE
(SHELL & CHORUS chorus remains unseen throughout)
(SHELL sings against a wall of fire.)

SHELL & CHORUS

IF YOURE GONNA BE BAD

YOU GOTTA BE THE BADDEST AND THE BEST
DONT GET MESSED AROUND AND TRAMPLED DOWN
GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST
NO YOU DONT GET MAD

80

YOU JUST GET BADDER THAN ALL THE REST

WHOS THE BADDEST GIRL IN TOWN?
THE BADDEST AND THE BEST!
(She legs it in distress and the scene dissolves in smoke, as a cacophony of
fire, police and ambulance sirens rise and fall . . . )
(Blackout.)
SCENE TEN
G WING The end of a new day. The women and JUSTIN are gathered in an uneasy mood as
SHELL returns, jubilant.
PRISONERS

Couldve killed us all! / What if the whole place had gone up? / We could all
get done for it, now. (etc.)

SHELL

Big me up, sisters!

(Shes bemused as they blank her. She grabs DENNY.)

SHELL (contd)

Bothered? Ere Den, youdve loved it. Fenner was screaming and crapping
himself. Idve pissed meself laughing, but I didnt wanna put the fire out!

DENNY

Youre sick, man. You shouldnt have done it. It wasnt part of the plan.
(SHELL is gob-smacked.)

SHELL

It was pay back time!

YVONNE

Youre on your own, Dockley.

(She puts her arm round DENNY. SYLVIA enters, followed by the NUMBER ONE
with HELEN.)

SYLVIA

Quiet, you lot!

NUMBER ONE

Thank you, Mrs Hollamby.

(He addresses the assembled inmates of G Wing, flanked by HELEN, SYLVIA
and JUSTIN. SHELL stands to one side, head held defiantly high.)

NUMBER ONE
(contd)

I have here the report resulting from the official inquiry into events subsequent
to the previous and I can only say I wish that your concerns about Mr
Fenner had been brought to my attention earlier.
(The women hiss and jeer.)

NIKKI

Why didnt you listen to us before then?

81

CRYSTAL

Too busy playing golf!

NOREEN

You should be sacked, you old bastard!

NUMBER ONE

Silence!
(The women hold fire.)

NUMBER ONE
(contd)

(to ALL) I assure you, Mr Fenner will be brought to Justice as soon as hes fit
to be discharged from hospital.

NOREEN

Aw what, he didnt snuff it, then? Better luck next time.

NUMBER ONE

Michelle Dockley the report commends your bravery under duress, for
which you will be granted all due consideration by the parole board. And
now, I entrust you all to the good governance of Miss Stewart.
(The NUMBER ONE goes to leave as SYLVIA hurries after him and they both
exit.)

SYLVIA

Oh, sir. I need to talk to you about my back. I really dont know if Im up to
these double shifts . . .
(SHELL crows.)

YVONNE

Hey, girls. We got something else to celebrate today. Somebodys twenty-first

birthday isnt it, Denny?

DENNY

How do you know that?

NOREEN

Told you she was a witch.

DENNY

I aint never had a proper birthday.

YVONNE

You aint never had a lot of things, love. But Im gonna sort that. If youll let
me. (She looks at her watch) Just right about . . .

ALL

Five, four, three, two . . . one!

(And suddenly we hear fireworks going off outside the prison window.)

YVONNE

Happy Birthday, Den. The key to the door.

KAT

Fireworks!
(Oohs and aahs from the women.)

YVONNE

Can we go outside and watch em, Miss?

HELEN

Mr Mattison? Would you ?

82

JUSTIN

Right, you lot. Youve got five minutes. Be good.

JULIE S

Oh, we will, sir!

JULIE J

We will, sir!
(JUSTIN ushers the women outside.)

JUSTIN

(to YVONNE) After you.

(Music begins. HELEN waits.)

HELEN

Nikki can I have a word.

(NIKKI hangs back.)

HELEN (contd)

So, you could be out next week, now Fenners not around to screw up your
appeal. Theres nothing stopping you. Right?

NIKKI

Im not stopping. Im going to start up the mother of all campaign groups,

fight the whole bastard system.

HELEN

So were not going to get rid of you that easily, then?

NIKKI

Im hoping you wont want to.

HELEN

I think I know what I want . . .

(They kiss. Then HELEN pulls back.)

HELEN (contd)

When youre free.

Music No. 16: THIS IS MY LIFE (HELEN, NIKKI & PRISONERS)

NIKKI

IM GONNA BE THERE
THATS A PROMISE I WONT BREAK

HELEN

IM GONNA BE THERE
WATCHING OVER EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE

NIKKI

THIS IS MY LIFE
IM LIVING IT

HELEN

THIS IS YOUR LIFE

KEEP GIVING IT
EVERYTHING YOU CAN

NIKKI & HELEN

AND IM GONNA BE THERE . . .

(HELEN exits. NIKKI is left in a dream.)

83

SCENE ELEVEN

EXERCISE YARD EVENING. The other women are cheering the fireworks, as NIKKI joins them.
And now shes feeling the odd one out. The JULIES bring her into the group.
JULIE J

Come on, Nik.

JULIE S

When one of us gets out

TWO JULIES

She gets out for all of us, yeah?

NIKKI

Yeah . . .

NIKKI (contd)

ALL OUR TOMORROWS START TODAY

GOTTA THROW THOSE FEARS AND DOUBTS AWAY
COS NOBODY TELLS YOU WHO YOU ARE

YVONNE

THE PAST CANT HURT US NOW ITS GONE

THIS IS THE TIME FOR MOVING ON
DONT HOLD BACK NOW WEVE COME SO FAR

NIKKI

AND WE ALL KNOW JUST HOW HARD IT CAN BE

WHEN YOURE FACING THAT TEN FOOT WALL
BUT IF YOU ALL STAND TOGETHER WITH ME
WERE GONNA SEE IT FALL
IM GONNA BE THERE

PRISONERS

IM GONNA BE THERE

NIKKI

I WILL BE THE FIRST IN LINE

IM GONNA BE THERE

PRISONERS

IM GONNA BE THERE

NIKKI

IM GOING OUT AND TAKING BACK WHATS MINE

ALL

THIS IS MY LIFE
IM LIVING IT
THIS IS MY LIFE
IM GIVING IT
EVERYTHING I CAN
TO MAKE IT GOOD
I HAVE PLANS AND I HAVE DREAMS
THOUGH MAYBE SOME OF THEM ARE JUST CRAZY SCHEMES
BUT STILL I
WANNA TRY
TO BE SOMEONE
JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE AND IM GONNA TAKE IT
TO ESCAPE FROM THE CYCLE AND BREAK IT

84

I WANNA SHOW THEM WHY

I AM SOMEONE
AND WHEN I MAKE IT OUT OF THIS PLACE
FROM THE MOMENT I WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR
WHATEVER SHIT LIFE THROWS IN MY FACE
I AM NOT GONNA TAKE ANY MORE
IM HEADING ON MY WAY
TO WHERE I WANT TO BE
JULIE S

ON A BEACH

JULIE J

WITH OUR KIDS

TWO JULIES

KICKING SAND FROM OUR SHOES

NIKKI

THERES A BAR

YVONNE

THERES A BAR

CRYSTAL
& YVONNE

WHERE IM SINGING THE BLUES

SHELL & DENNY

GETTING WASTED ON CHEAP FOREIGN BOOZE

ALL

BUT IF THAT IS THE LIFE I CHOSE

IF THAT IS THE LIFE I CHOSE
IM GONNA BE THERE
IVE GOT TO BE THERE
IM GONNA BE THERE
I WANT TO BE THERE!
(As the song reaches its climax, we suddenly see the overhead light and hear

the deafening noise of the propellers of a helicopter as it descends. A rope

ladder is lowered down.)
PRISONERS

Eh? Whats going on? / Bloody Hell! / I dont believe it! / Magic! (etc.)

YVONNE

Sorry, girls. Looks like my cabs arrived. Oi, Den fancy a ride?

DENNY

Wicked, man!
(YVONNE leads DENNY over to the ladder and they both grab hold.)

YVONNE

(to NIKKI) Say sorry to Miss Stewart for me, Id love to stay and help but Im a
bit old for all that bollocks. Im doing my time in Spain.
(SHELL tries to remonstrate with DENNY.)

SHELL

Oi Den! Where the hell dyou think youre going?

85

YVONNE

Shes going home.

Music No. 16a: THIS IS MY LIFE PLAYOFF (OPTIONAL INSTRUMENTAL)
(The helicopter starts to rise again and they are lifted up and out over the wall
to freedom.)
THE END
Music No. 17: CURTAIN CALL (YVONNE AND PRISONERS)
Music No. 18: PLAYOFF (OPTIONAL INSTRUMENTAL)

86

BAD GIRLS
THE MUSICAL
Book by

MAUREEN CHADWICK
& ANN MCMANUS
Music and Lyrics by

KATH GOTTS
Originally directed by Maggie Norris
Orchestrations by Martin Koch

VOCAL BOOK

Josef Weinberger Limited

12 - 14 Mortimer Street
London W1T 3JJ

Tel: +44 (0)20-7580 2827 Fax: +44 (0)20-7436 9616

general.info@jwmail.co.uk www.josef-weinberger.com

BAD GIRLS THE MUSICAL

Copyright 2007 by Maureen Chadwick, Kath Gotts and Ann McManus
All Rights Reserved
PHOTOCOPYING THIS COPYRIGHT MATERIAL IS ILLEGAL

Applications to perform this musical must be made,

BEFORE REHEARSALS COMMENCE, to:
JOSEF WEINBERGER LIMITED
12 - 14 Mortimer Street
London W1T 3JJ
United Kingdom
Tel: +44 (0)20 7580 2827
Fax: +44 (0)20 7436 9616
www.josef-weinberger.com

December 2008

MUSICAL NUMBERS
ACT ONE
SCENE TWO
1.

I Shouldnt Be Here (Prisoners)................................................... 1

SCENE THREE
2.

Guardian Angel (Shell and Denny) ........................................... 13

SCENE FOUR
3.

Jailcraft (Jim and Sylvia) .......................................................... 18

SCENE FIVE
4.

One Moment (Nikki) ............................................................... 22

SCENE SIX
5.

Life Of Grime (The Two Julies and Prisoners).......................... 25

6.

The A-List (Yvonne and Prisoners)........................................... 31

SCENE EIGHT
7.

The Key (Jim) .......................................................................... 39

SCENE NINE
8.

The Way It Is (Company)......................................................... 44

8a.

Riot Music (Instrumental)........................................................ 46

ACT TWO
SCENE ONE
9.

Freedom Road (Crystal and Chorus) ........................................ 47

SCENE TWO
10.

The Future Is Bright (Jim, Sylvia and Officers) ......................... 52

10a.

The Future Is Bright Playoff (Instrumental)............................ 59

SCENE FOUR
11.

Sorry (Julie S) .......................................................................... 59

11a.

Scene Change (Instrumental) .................................................... 62

SCENE SEVEN
12.

Every Night (Helen and Nikki)................................................. 63

SCENE EIGHT
13.

All Banged Up (Yvonne and The Two Julies) ........................... 67

14.

The Baddest And The Best (Nikki, Denny, Justin, Prisoners) .... 73

14a.

Scene Change (Instrumental) .................................................... 80

SCENE NINE
15.

First Lady (Jim and Shell)......................................................... 81

15a.

The Baddest And The Best Reprise (Shell and Chorus)........... 86

SCENE TEN / ELEVEN

16.

This Is My Life (Helen, Nikki, Yvonne and Prisoners) .............. 87

16a.

This Is My Life Optional Playoff (Instrumental) .................... 93

17.

Curtain Call (Yvonne and Prisoners) ........................................ 94

18.

Playoff (Optional) (Instrumental) ............................................. 95

BAD GIRLS
ACT I
1. I Shouldn't Be Here
(Prisoners)
Shell: Shell Dockley
Lifer . . .

q = 105

Kbd. 2

Murder . . .

Well, just a bit of torture, really . . .Didn't expect the dozy twat
to go and die on me! . . .

Shell

Pathetic!

mf

But

face

dou - ble

It's an

15

cup

my

And gets a - way with

I was bound to re - act,

gon - na get

q = 128

whacked!

That

mp

Crystal: Crystal Gordon . . .

their

should- n't

12 months . . .

here.

Shoplifting . . . But the good book says the Lord helps

them who help themselves, innit?

Crystal

mf

All them shops

man,

Was

19

with

ob - vi - ous fact,

slap - per,

mess - es

be

no - one

in - tact.

12

22

face,

It's ask - ing for grief, man,

Copyright 2007 by Maureen Chadwick, Kath Gotts and Ann McManus

Orchestrations Koch & Gilpin
PHOTOCOPYING THIS COPYRIGHT MATERIAL IS ILLEGAL

go

flaunt

ing their goods

in

your

In the

circ

um - stance

of

my

26

case,

do- ing

33

36

it

do - ing

it

my

for

It's

29

Je

in

the

glo -

44

stuffed it

48

mp

52

Arson...

ry,

in

my

But in - stead of

ruck- - sack

should - n't

that

life,

ry,

here.

want - ed

For the Lord

God's

kept

it

mum,

for my - self,

q = 100
Denny: Denny Blood . . 7 years . .

Denny

chuck - ing it down off the shelf,

be

was

55

sto

was

And

It was a rubbish kids home anyway....

sus.

ple

great - er

39

lief

Je

tem

for

did

sus,

he

be-

q = 184
f

Like

want - ed

They

said

if

you're

3
57

good,

Den,

May - be

one

59

day

wait,

61

start

to

63

ne -

think they must think

ver,

she

And

wait,

- ver

69

now,

73

all roundtheir kitch - en

I don't wait for

no

come,

Threw in - a match

Julie J:
Julie Johnston

Julie S:
2 years...

So

she

weren't

poured

and slammed the door,

And

a - ny - more.

Julie J:
2 years...

Julie S:
Soliciting...

Julie J:
And thieving....

Fl / Cl / Tpt

Julie S.
Both:
Together!

mf

The

q = 100 (poco pi mosso)

Julie S:
Julie Saunders.

And

one

'Cos

floor,

gon - na

dumb,

So

real - ly

come,

65 Colla voce q = 92

pet - rol

might

I'm

Julie J.mf

The

77

old - est pro - fess -ion

in

the

old - est pro - fess - ion in

the

book,

book,

Com bined

Com - bined

with a

side - line

in the wall - ets that

we

with a

side - line

in the wall ets that

we

4
80

took, Don't you find

these days it's

all

for the school

fees and

not for the fun,

took,

have to

plan a - head

now

to

plan a - head

86

now

for

ev - 'ry

89

That's how my trou - bles first be - gun,

it

to

q = 140

pa - ren - tal,

son,

should- n't

"Cop killer" . .

be

here,

be

here,

should - n't

But, hey, at least that's one less rapist in the world.

Nikki

my

Nikki:
Nikki Wade. Lifer . . .

choi - ces

Gon - na get my kids back one day,

owed

I thought

92

98

lit - tle one,

fun - da - men - tal,

But

For

ev - 'ry

is

lit - tle one,

for

Dosh

You

You

83

have

mp

No - bod - y's he - ro,

Some - bod - y's fool,

103

Don't

go

mis - tak - ing

me

106

ev - er

110

am,

113

be

be

here,

don't

All Prisoners

Here I

wan - na

take

take

a
3

a
3

take

am,

And one thing is

3

good look

good look

good look

am,

a - round

a - round

And one thing is

a - round

me,

me,

clear,

should - n't

clear,

be

When I

When I

me,

When I

Here I
3

Here I

am,

am,

am,___

Here

121

But here

For what they think

here,

some - bod - y who'll,

a damn,

I should - n't

117

give

for,

here!

should - n't

be

should - n't

be

here!

here!

6
125

I should -n't

128

be

here,

be

I should- n't

here,

don't wan - na

be

here,

not

my

135

not

my

life,

had

dreams,

here,

be

here,

my

is - n't

here,

me

This

is - n't

here,

me

here,

mp

life!

had plans,

mp

Give me

back

my

life!

had plans,

Give me

back

my

life!

had plans,

mp

is

My life

here,

Give me back

me

My life

be

is - n't

I should - n't

be

This

life,

had dreams,

here,

be

I should - n't

life,

ff

This is

I don't wan - na

This

ff

This is

I should -n't

my

be

here,

not

be

ff

This is

here,

don't wan - na

131

I should -n't

is

not

the three

car

wreck

not

the three

car

wreck

it

seems,

it

seems,

139

(unis.)

know

know

it

may

it

may

142

not

be

much,

Some one's

sis - ter, daugh - ter,

mf

And

I'm

out of

a - lone

a - lone

in

in

I'm

out of

when they

was

some

Just a

my

my

when they

touch,

touch,

like

But

But

girl

still I'm

still I'm

a - ny

like

a - ny

some

one,

some

one,

door

that

door

slam

bed,

ev - ery

that

bed,

girl

one,

one,

slam

mf

And

I'm

some

moth- er,

So may - be

I'm

was

Just a

So may - be

But

But

And

much,

moth- er,

150

And

be

sis - ter, daugh - ter,

oth - er,

oth - er,

153

not

Some one's

146

ev - ery

es - cape

night,

night,

where it's

safe

es - cape

where it's

safe

156

out

of

out

159

sight,

of

the

To

hide

the

On

Julie J.

bar

where I'm

fo - reign

my

in

head,

Out

kids

kick - ing sand

of

reach

of

from

mf

head,

Out

my

kick - ing sand

reach

from

the

the

from our shoes,

Nikki

from our shoes,

There's a bar,

Shell/Denny

sing - ing the

All

booze,

keep

168

my - self,

Crystal

There's a

that

With our

in

screws,

165

keep

my - self,

hide

beach,

world

Julie S.

screws,

that

mf

world

That's where

162

To

sight,

That's where

Get - ting wast

All

blues,

can

go

where

can

go

where

ed

cresc.

cresc

chose,

chose,

on cheap

H
171
f

f

175

I've

got

I've

got

no - thing

no - thing

to

lose.

to

I should -n't

be

I should -n't

179

This is

This is

This is

Sylvia: Move it!

not

my

life,

not

not

my

my

life,

life,

Sylvia:
You two - serve out the swill.

I should -n't

Jim:
Right, you lot. Breakfast. Move it!

lose.

The rest of you - line up at your trough.

This

be

be

Give me

Give me

Give me

here,

is - n't

me

here,

here,

This

here,

This

is - n't

me

is - n't

here,

me

Jim: Shut it!

here,

back

back

back

my

my

my

life.

life.

life.

10

1b. I Shouldn't Be Here - Part Two

q = 127

Kbd

Kbd

Cue:
Fresh meat? Better than leftovers.

[Vamp]

13

Kbd

33

40

37

Exit Cue:

[Vamp] Helen, just remember . . . place with

Kbd

two types of people in it: us and them.

11

1c. I Shouldnt Be Here - Part Three

[Cue:
. . . us and them.]

Helen

May - be

be

this

14

if

23

my

own

did - n't

think

way

that

Prisoners

could,

be

Two Julies

Wel - come

to life

here

old

in - side,

won't

real

let

ly

do

a - ny - one

Exit Cue:
Leave the kid alone!
Why? Fancy her yourself?

[Vamp]

Kbd

shit,

would - n't

here,

to

good,

chance

some

do

should - n't

mf

could

I have

Shell: Don't worry, Rachel. We'll help you cope without your drugs, won't we Den?

Same

26

think

Now

say,

to

here,

fool

11

18

But

I'm

Twen - ty - four

Prisoners

This

is

se - ven,

it,

Crystal

And

it

sure

12
29

is - n't

When you need

Al - though it

When you need

35

help

39

year?

year?

43

here,

47

be

be

ing

died,

a - noth - er

a - noth - er

un -

un -

A - noth - er

A - noth - er

We should - n't be

here,

week,

them to

week,

them to

here,

here!

We should - n't be

here!

I've

Don't ex - pect

day

like

Don't ex - pect

day

We should - n't be

feels

hand,

What's a - noth - er

hand,

When we should - n't be

ing

When we should - n't be

here,

What's a - noth - er

der - stand,

help

der - stand,

hea - ven,

Prisoners

32

Nikki

here,

We should - n't be

here,

We should - n't

We should - n't

13

2. Guardian Angel
Warning:
Watcha . . .
Cue:
Look, Rachel, I'm just trying to be a mate,
tell you how it works in here, right?

(Shell & Denny)

q = 140

Shell

Look

Used to

Ain't

11

be

suit

21

else who's gon - na

you,

The

make

it,

And

er

in

the

show

ers,

how,

your

life

it,

at

how

turned

to

stand up

for

worth - while.

me - self,

a - bout you says you'll

cle - ver thing to

Shell

Shell

a pret - ty

out,

Eve - ry - thing

a screw, Ain't

Such

Shell & Denny

take

a Chel - sea smile?

learned

to

Look

grass - ing

me,

make

girl can't

at

ne - ver

17

un - til

no - bod - y

Look at

cat

Denny

14

scare - dy

lit - tle thing,

Shell

Ev - 'ry lezz - er

on the wing

do

un - less you

I would - n't

ling -

will want their

14
25

Denny

28

nights

32

go,

You'll

be

scar - y,

need

40

know

that

got

you,

A - ny time

you look

be - hind

I'll

know

the

you

I'll

be

Guar - di - an

An -

gel,

look

ev - 'ry - thing you

do,

be watch - ing

you,

Don't

47

Most nights

And

Like

the

Denny

friends,

We'll

43

Shell

and

That's when

you've

ver

Shell

quite hair - y,

long

some

are

ends,

watch - ing

And

The days

ne - ver

to

hours

Denny

Both

there for

Denny screams in Rachel's face

scream - ing

36

in

Them girls are strong,

stuck

are

Shell

you,

You know I'll

al

ways

find

you,

now,

I'm your Guar - di - an

Ev - 'ry - thing

you

do,

An - gel,

15
51

(Shell)

Noth - ing happ - ens here

54

back

58

to

don't

Luck - y

61

64

stead

67

just acc - ept

of

Shell's so

car

73

gone

is

get

with - out

stress

ing!

trace,

is

de

An

gel,

press

ing,

Shell

ing,

The

off

on - ly

your

way

face,

to cope,

In -

shar -

Peo - ple don't ap - pre - ci - ate that

Bill - y Whizz,

your

Denny

litt - le

be

Pri - son

Shell

gonn - a

com - plete - ly

I'm

mate who be - lieves in

hope

that

point in

los - ing

Now I'm

70

it there's no

fact,

Noth - ing's said that won't get

Denny

Bett - er

you

It's

see,

me,

ing,

Will

reall - y

do

the

biz

and then it's

When you're crawl - ing

up

the

16
76

wall,

79

You

82

Take

your

pick

we

92

96

got

ing,

ber

Have

the

what's

girl

ver

you,

We

do

one's touched

it,

Shell:
Help yourself, Den

Like

pay

your

And

bills

'Cos

Just

it,

re - mem -

I'll

be

Guar - di - an

An -

gel,

Denny

you look

know,

mine.

is

A - ny time

who crutched

No

Denny

Denny

me

wrap,

We'll

99

let

Denny:
Can I have that necklace, Shell?

yours

Just

fly - ing,

fine,

now

come

all,

Shell

Shell

I'll

it

per - haps

watch - ing

supp - ly -

and you'll be

and

Ex - cept

88

call

Shell

just

reg - u - lar

85

Both

be - hind

be watch - ing

you,

Don't

look

you,

You know I'll

now,

al

ways

find

you,

17

103

I'll

know

eve

ry - thing

you

do,

I'm

Ev - 'ry

106

Guar

- di - an

An -

gel,

Noth - ing

happ - ens

here

your

thing

you

don't

see,

do,

109

Noth - ing's said

that won't get

I'm

gon - na

be

112

back

to

your

Luck - y

me,

you

that

rall.

An -

gel,

Denny

Ah - ah - ah - ah - ah - ah -

116

ah,

ah,

Your

Guard - i

an

An

ah.

gel.

18

3. Jailcraft

Warning:
That's it,then. End of an era, Jim.
Cue:
And we'll clear up.

(Jim & Sylvia)

A Swing q = 146
Jim mf

You won't learn

this

Sylvia

You can't skip

Jim

Jail -

Jail

Sylvia

Jim

Down the sharp

Both

Jail

Jail

that it

craft,

it,

this with

it

We've got

book,

There's

took,

takes!

it,

Hard

That's

what

craft,

real

knack

to

to

it,

it,

crim - in - al

jus - tice,

graft,

one thing

takes!

you

trust is

But we've

it,

The

it

track

In

fast

You've got

me,

from

no

There's

Sylvia

de - gree

end, take

Jail

craft,

29

That's what it

You won't get

25

craft,

21

years

We've got

17

in

the

craft,

Both

13

art

got

it,

19

33

Jim

It's

37

bas - ic

Jim

Both

And

We're up

49

While

those wimps

Both

Jail

craft,

are

Ir

los

That's what

it

per - son - al charm,

the

do - ing the

fan,

nerve,

Both

best

we

Down at

can.

the coal - face,

We run

the whole place,

Jail - craft,

God

we're beau - ti - ful,

Jim: Send and escort to fetch Wade and tell

Dockley "to report for work".
Sylvia: Don't worry, I'll be sure to wind up
Wade's welcome party.

takes!

Sylvia

de - fence,

ing their

- re - fut - a - ble,

hits

de - serve,

Fin - al - ly

Just

we

self

of

thanks

a dash

Jim

Jail - craft,

61

the

i - al

Bear - ing the brunt,

53

Add

front,

We don't get

57

pro - verb

a litt - le

Sylvia

old

- sion - al calm,

when that

45

Plus

com - mon sense,

Mix with pro - fes

41

Sylvia

x3

20

65

Jim

mp

And

if

the pow

I know a thing or two,

be,

Are

just

ers that

I'll pull a string or two,

too blind

to

84

like

to

les - son from

88

It's

92

all

in

shake

100

me.

of

mf

hand,

tak

ing

Years

the

would - n't

Years of

Number One:
See you at the next lodge meeting.

brow,

fere.

here.

Fur - rowed

Number One:
Leave it with me, Jim. Enough said.

un - der - stand.

96

Number One:
Any information will be treated in the strictest confidence.

hes - i - ta - tion,

in - ter

slight

see,

Wor - ried look,

80

Take a

Number One:
So, Jim, off the record, how's the new
girl Governor doing on G Wing?

73

69

ex - per

of

con - trol.

i - ence, You

per - fect - ing

but

it's

good

Slid

My

ing

up

104

that

108

greas - y

out

of

on the

We've got it,

He's

But

we

strug - gle

to

131

Jail

135

Sylvia

Jail

Back

to

Keep

your

when

Jail

Both

That's what

Jim

craft.

craft,

the wall

Jail

we

do,

craft

Jail -

craft,

That's

well

shaft - ed,

on

the

ball,

Your

troub - le's

It's

(unis.)

We get

eye

get

ya,

When those suits

through,

the ground,

But we've got it

pro - ce - dure,

short staffed, Your back near - ly breaks

128

ear

when you're

That's when they need

daft,

124

120

what it takes

pri - son

hook,

On

book,

116

f (unis.)

You won't

112

get caught

pole.

that

21

Jim & Sylvia

a - round

craft.

mp (unis.)

Me and

you!

22

4. One Moment
(Nikki)

Warning: That's enough.

Cue: Don't you want to get out of prison?

Nikki

Rubato

Don't waste your time

do

to

me

me,

q = 74

One

11

fate

14

world

23

is

Too

day.

mo - ment

and

Des - ti - nies

coll- ide,

Truth

ev - 'ry - thing

ev - er.

will

de

life,

cide.

a - way,

ev - er

had

was

life

is changed for ev - er,

In

one

The great and good

And

One

late,

for

God knows I've wiped my tears

mp

changed

do?

are crossed, Dreams are lost,

20

can

on that

Paths

long.

bro - ken

17

No - thing

Too

One

can

Verse 1

free,

There's no - thing a - ny - one

set

on

mo - ment

di

vide,

the

23

C Verse 2
p

26

One

choice,

One

How could

let

it

be?

ei - ther way

35

face

38

price to

Two

mo - ment

of

Melt

free - dom

calls

gone,

on

me,

right,

And

One

go by,

mo - ment you

Lost with- out

a care,

to - geth - er,

in - to

air,

and

no - one

but a fan - ta - sy,

One

Days

As

all

the dreams

you

mf

waits,

Long

And

life

49

comes back to

Rid - ing high,

46

no - thing

all

hold - ing

44

that

do?

D
mp
3

wrongs,

share,

pay

to - geth - er,

last

One

41

the world

32

What else could

live and

fight,

29

There where

plays on

be- yond

my

life

used

All

that

had left

of

me

gone,

is

those gates,

to

be,

gone,

Where

There's

All

24
52

mf

54

won't

say,

for - get,

don't

cresc.

I'll

pay

my

debt,

In

62

one

mo

your

68

rit.

When

65

all

own,

birds

done

have

on

life

a - way,

more

that

mf

A cor - ner turned

can

One

mo - ment your

is

done

my

own.

flown,

a - lone,

for - e - ver,

You're

Slower

You walk the line

ment what's

the

There's no - thing

And let them throw my

Bridg - es burned,

I'm

re - gret,

fu - ture's gone for - e - ver,___

57

60

You're on

on

your

own

25

5. Life of Grime
(The Two Julies & Prisoners)

Warning:
Oh my God, Ju.
Cue:
Yeah, since when did we never get shat on?

Julie J.

q = 132

mp

When you're stuck

Both

French

When

And you're

10

run - ning

ing

from

Blood - y

16

in

the

the

slime,

you

Both

And

you're banged up

in

life

cresc.

There's

liv - ing

life

of

luck,

(unis.)

no

an

doss

with

in - sti - tu - tion.

- cap -

grime.

grime.

dross,

Julie S.

es

the

of

Julie J.

19

mf

no - bo - dy gives a

your

Both

When

down on

You're

dir - ec - tion,

rub - bish!

wrong

Julie J.

13

you're

Both

And

Julie S.

Con - nec - tion,

in the muck,

No - one's

giv - ing

26

22

toss,

All

25

You're

just

31

life

vic

giv - ing

do

gets

his rocks

Blood - y

40

pect,

Af - ter

thank - ing God you're

not his

ing

time,

Both

you're

flat

time

to

wife,

pipe,

It

For

Julies

(unis.)

life

of grime.

on

takes

your

back

some

Julie J.

You're

Both

That

And

while

re - flect,

poor lit - tle socks off,

horn -

tri - bu - tion.

blow - ing his

mf

and groan - ing your

rub - bish!

That's

re

off,

is

Prisoners

Julie S.

you

tim

When

moan - ing

43

grime.

37

of

git

34

they're

28

liv - ing

Both

does - n't

bang - ing

get

his

you

res -

drum,

And

more than a

wet

wipe, To

27

46

clean

49

up

the scum,

your

Julie J.

52

slut

in

rut,

in

ing

mp

61

use

58

mis - era - ble

your

bit

prime,

of

of

dirt,

Al - ways look - ing for some

the smut,

FB9

You're

Sick

of

lift - ing your

Both

cul - ti - va - tion,

F#7

Julie J.

and tired

life!

Julie J.

Sick

You could

Julie S.

Julie S.

skirt,

Ne - ver shift - ing the

lub - ri - ca - tion

55

whole stink - ing

Julie S.

You're a

Of

In - stead of

liv - ing

life

bloom -

of

Two Julies + Other Prisoners

Grime

grime

grime

grime

28

mp

65

Grime

Can't move

crap

out

of

grime

it,

Can't move

grime

it,

Can't

get

this

crap

out

of

grime

Can't

shift

it,

Low - down

dir - ty

grime

Can't

lit - tle

my

move

it,

Can't

my

grime

this

Grime

life,

get

73

Can't

mp

it,

Can't shift

mf

grime

mp

grime

it,

69

grime

Can't shift

Grime

scum - bag

scrub - bers

get

this

Low - down

dirt - y

lit - tle

29

76

mp

grime

Grime

crap

out

of

mf

my

life,

scum - bag

scrub - bers,

79

get

it

Can't

Low - down

it,

dirt - y

lit - tle

Low - down

lit - tle

it,

dirt - y

lit - tle

scum - bag scrub - bers,

dirt - y

Can't move

scum - bag

rall.

scrub - bers,

out.

dirt - y

Low - down

shift

grime

82

Can't

grime

Low - down

grime

Low - down

lit - tle

dirt - y

lit - tle

scum - bag

scum - bag

scrub - bers, -

scrub - bers, -

Colla voce

Julie S.

All that

want -

ed

was

one

lous - y

break,

chance

to make

ev - 'ry - thing

30

85

right,

des - pite

all

my

tal - ents,

keep

end - ing

91

up

in

the

97

pass

no - bo - dy

in - spec - tion,

101

mf

the

clean - li - ness

see

111

Liv - ing

slop's

in

that

it's

life,

means

The

let

French

me

tell

one

We're screwed

the buck - et,

You

Liv - ing

crime,

life

of

ne - ver

time,

al - rea

to

it,

life,

so

suck

dy

(unis.)

grime!

gon - na

don't have

more

God - li - ness,

Liv - ing

you

Con - nec - tion,

in the muck,

But you're

mess,

108

Both

buck,

Now

If

105

sod

gives

bal - ance,

Al - ways pass - ing the

When you're stuck

94

books ne - ver

shite!

And

The

A tempo q = 136

88

But

To

31

6. The A-List
(Yvonne & Prisoners)
Warning:
And who's the little Cinderella, then?
Cue:
Two parts sweet dreams, one part dynamite.

Yvonne

Rubato

mp

When you're

Hey,

don't make a

par - ty

13

fuss,

can

we

can't

mf

17

Sun

22

K!

26

make a

and

Get

us!

ce - leb - ri - ties

Now

be the

with

The

we're

all

set

that

hot - test spot

in

to

smile,

town,

style,

to flash

go,

par - ty,

read - y

to

to the

This - 'll

get out

place

q = 180

list,

kissed

Hel - lo!,

to

splash,

no

with

If

come

It's strict- ly

dolled up

Latin

all

Call

go,

We're

It's

O.

gon - na

strict - ly

32

30

Ev - 'ry - one who's

Hey,

Sis

ter your name

is

on

the

red

car

pet

red

car

pet

night

in

night

46

par

Oooh

Ooh

in

out,

ty

like there's ne - ver

like there's ne - ver

Queen,

to - night

'Cos

to - night

been

been

Broader

Roll

on the

name is

'Cos

here,

out,

be -

there's

there's

fore.

no

no

door,

Roll

the

a girls'

doubt we're hav - ing

I'm

a girls'

gon - na

be

the

be - fore.

Giv - ing

it

up

all

night,

oooh,

ooh

doubt we're hav - ing

the

Broader

ooh

42

is

Prisoners

a - ny - one

door,

Your

38

List,

34

oooh,

33
50

Cruis -

ing

and

schmooz - ing

round

Ooh

58

So

much

It's

strict - ly

whah

clu -

sive

to

be

A -

scene,

ooh,

Take

ooh,

pressed

Oh

yes,

mp

It's

strict - ly

whah - ooh!

whah - ooh!

List - en to the word out

List,

whah

Ooh,

ex

flesh

Ooh

62

ooh,

this

Ooh

ooh,

best,

ooh

look

the

54

with

ooh

Oooh,

Oooh,

List,

on the

List - en

street,

to the

word out

on the street,

34
66

Don't

miss

the

par - ty

Don't

of

the

miss

year,

the

No

par - ty

of the

year,

(Yvonne)

mf

70

B's

no

C's

and

dar - ling

Has

beens, Would be's,

78

We need

A's

on

and

the

jhoosh,

Chorus

on

whispered

Out!

ab - so -

No

lute

- ly

must

in -

And

some

glam - our

in our lives,

Pi - zazz!

the

pi - zazz,

Out

D's,

mp whispered

no

list,

Jhoosh!

87

mp

Wan -na - be's, Could - be's,

Strict - ly

83

sist,

please,

74

razz

like

Razz!

we're

Foot - ball

ers'

Wives!

35
92

Low

cut,

Up

mp whispered

lift,

God's

gift,

Go

strut

You

are,

Aaah!

Oooh!

97

mp

your

stuff

on

the

floor.

Prisoners

Go strut your stuff!

101

Big

105

109

hair

Ming - ling

Yvonne

Bling

This

is

the

bling,

Hot

life

air,

- dore.
Prisoners mf sung!

Can't

It's strict - ly

A -

List,

It's

strict - ly

A -

List - en to the word out

List,

get

e - nough!

on the

street,

List - en

to

the

36
113

Don't

word out

on

the

par - ty

the street,

No

B's

no

126

Has beens, Would be's,

the

part - y

of

the

year,

But

miss

year,

may - be

the

122

of

Don't

C's,

broader

mf

miss

117

cresc.

could

squeeze

some E's, No

Wan - na - be's, Could be's,

Has bins, Would be's, Wan - na - be's, Could be's,

q = 90

Yvonne

ab - sol -

H Jazz 8's

130

List,

ute - ly

must

in

Come out and

top

We're on the

play

'til we drop, 'Cos we're on the

sist.

134

stop

Yvonne & Prisoners

to - night

list,

Won't

37

Yvonne & Prisoners

138

Hey Mis- ter,

Hey Mis- ter,

Don't

Don't

148

turn

that

out

ty

all

Par - ty all

that

Hey

A tempo q = 172

light.

Mis- ter,

night!

light!

night!

Par

ty all

night!

Bad

152

out

Par

Mis- ter,

Hey Mis- ter,

turn

Hey

Hey Mis- ter,

143

Par

ty all

all

night!

night,___

Par

ty all

night!

Girls Part -

Bad

Girls Part -

38

156

Par

160

night!

Par

night!

all

night,

Par

ty

all

all

night!

night,

night!

Bad

Girls

Part

on,

Part

Girls

Par

ty

all

Girls Part -

Bad

ty all

163

Bad

ty all

all

Par

ty

Par

Par

night,

all

night!

ty

all

ty

night!

all

night!

39

7. The Key
Warning:
Fancy a drink?
Cue:
Night Jim. / Night, Sylv. (A beat.)

(Jim)

Intro h. = 61 la "trouser-snake"

[Vamp]

20

27

you

trea - sure,

13

how do

hid - den

mea - sure

The

man

if

jail - ers

since

Go - ing

to

not

the

Pure

47

ver - sion,

sa - tis

fac - tion

it's been

But

for

all.

no - thing

of

bid - den

the

pleas - ure,

And

perks of

the

that's

pain - ful

or

job,

you hold the

key,

No

fob?

When

force,

one

job,

No

41

by what hangs from his

be - gan

work on

for -

to

it's

Ev - er

Key

to

Key

34

The

(last time)
mp loose

co - er - sion.

Of

course,

too

off

Some

the

wall.

per -

40
53

mu - tu - al

60

ser - vice and

day.

And

66

of

73

the

what bet - ter

while you're

Ev - ery - one's

up

for

your

Out

of

reach,

well

of

sight.

so,

these

97

138

146

girls

are

(cue)

trea - sure,

lei - sure

King

Don't

call

me

gree - dy,

Underscore

'Cos

(Helen & Justin pub scene)

(after Jim emerges)

Jim

Last Time

The

The

Key

and

bend

to

to

what - e - ver

your

fanc - ies

take

at

you

hid - den

to

plea

- sure, To

dic - tate,

Key

for - bid - den

TILL READY

the

need - y.

154

160

of

end

You're the

out

(Jim goes into Shell's cell. Scene change)

way,

the

Underscore transition
79

wend at

a -

bite,

you

end

To un - wind as

get - ting

way,

night.

41
166

Vir - gins and

tarts end

173

And

you

180

187

204

say

al -

They're

you're their

rea - son

if

don't

try

Here

in - side.

the

No

ties,

tap.

grate - ful

for

to

live.

to

es - tate,

you

hold

the

key,

con - nec - tions,

Re - cog - nise

all

you

Frank - ly

fe - male

soon have them

the

When

You'll

No

on

ways

cream of

plate,

des - perate - ly

it's

216

af - fec - tions,

210

end

on

sup - plies

198

lap.

all

their

it

Fresh

192

get

to

pro -

can

eat - ing

right

out

of

your

give.

It's

quite

it's

just

vide,

Ev - ery - one's

up

for

the

fair

to

ir - res - pon - si - ble

What

they

lack,

ride,

so,

42
223

229

235

Who could

ac - cuse

me

261

move

267

Pick

it

it

and

Rall

wait,

And

gradually faster

lead

and

they

take

it,

cares

if

Who

shake it,

And

fol - low,

feed

they

fake

it,

this

luck - y-

Jim, Gets

a -

ny

slag,

Eve - ry

in

side,

shag's

in

the

bag

The

280

And

and

they

it

with

At

the

all

just

for

make

it

and

him,

Tempo 1

mp subito

the

key,

swall - low,

man's got - ta

Slide

key.

Wolf,

Tempo 1

Mist - er

pp

me?

x3

(cue)

273

use

gate,

to

need

watch,

they chose

E h. = 52

255

if

242 Slower

249

(Jim/Rachel dialogue)

pen

wide

for

287

rall.

me.

294

big

300

307

312

Be -

- gest

you'll

see.

hold

the

(cue)

key.

hold

The

43

the

key.

pp

ff

Cut as leave stage

44

8. Thats the Way It Is

(Company)
Warning:
Count of three. One . . . two . . .
Cue:
Low drone sound dies after door break

Exit Cue:
Oh hurrah. We've got a stiff on
G Wing. Need it bagged, over . . .

q = 144 [Vamp]

Prisoners

mf

Now we

There is

no

is

drawn,

12

And

There is no

No

20

you

24

this

28

try

it

that's

place

the

day

is!

Make your move,

to

it

go

out

Take

Cue: He's the one who

should be swinging.

[Vamp]

sight,

what

Prisoners

We

right,

All mp

And

will

not

how

let

All

is

Now sink

by.

line

your side,

No mat - ter

is!

of

torn,

You're out on a limb,

is

hide,

can - not fight

way

stand,

Trust

Where we

land,

to sweep us

man's

that's the way

'Cos

know,

16

or swim,

of

your might

that's the

way

it

is

45

32

now,

Bring

37

it

43

'Cos

if

thing

you

think

you

we'll

think

no -

if

no -

to

to

thing real - ly

mat

thing real - ly

mat

ters,

E Prisoners & Officers

say.

That's

the

way

it

a -

Then

52

That's the way

it

is!

Come on,

come on,

there

is

no -

is

no -

is!

Prisoners

way

it

come on,

That's the

way,

there

way,

Come on,

a -

walk

Then

ters,

say.

walk

we'll

if

more

if

As

48

more

- thing

As

[Vamp]

down,___

'Cos

40

on,

Exit cue: Then talk to us all.

Explain to us why Rachel's dead.

is!

Come on,

come on,

46

56

That's

59

the

way

it

is!

Prisoners & Officers

That's

Bring it

Come on,

come

down,

it

way

the

way

it

Bring it

is!

Bring it

down.

way

it

on

come on,

is!

That's the way

it

is!

come on,

come on,

70

it

is!

That's the

on

down,

66

Come on,

on

is!

Come on,

Come on,

it

Bring

Come on,

62

That's the way

That's

on,

down.

the

on

Prisoners

Come on,

come on,

come on,

Come on,

come on,

Cue: Report situation

out of control.

[Vamp]

SEGUE
Continues into Riot Music . . .

8a. Riot Music

Dead segue

q =144

Saxes / Tpt

End of Act 1

Repeat till cut

47

ACT II
9. Freedom Road
(Crystal & Chorus)

Cue:
I could string you up, Dockley.
Yeah, you evil cow.

Crystal

p a capella - very freely

Free

me

12

jour - ney

is

through,

have

trav - elled

will

come

so

Lead

Road,

long.

home

Now

to

you.

me

my

All

my

trou - bles

are

gone.

mp

Free

dom

Chorus

dom

22

Gospel style q = 93

Free

Lead

home.

home,

Swing 8's

Road,

17

dom

Road,

mp

Free

dom

(unseen throughout) mp

Free

dom

48
27

Lead

me

Road,

lay

Lead

me

to

long.

long.

home,

trav - elled

so

long.

will

Lay

me

down,

be

down,

have

have

blessed.

When

Lord, I

me

Lord, I

soul

Lay

My

have

home,

rest.

me

me

Lead

home,

Road,

33

All

my

All

my

All

my

trav - elled

trav - elled

so

so

trou - bles

are

trou - bles

are

trou - bles

are

C
39

gone.

gone.

gone.

Free

Free

dom

Free

dom

dom

Road,

Road,

Road,

45

Lead

Lead

dark - ness.

dark - ness.

Take me

out

of

this

home.

Let

your

light

Let

home.

me

dark - ness.

home.

me

51

me

Lead

49

your

Let

your

out

of

this

Take me

out

of

light

shine

on

on

me.

shine down

light

Take me

shine down

me.

on

this

me.

Chorus plus Crystal improvising soulfully & totally free to the end

57

mf

Free - dom

Road,

mf

Free

Lead

Free

Road,

home,

Road,

dom

me

dom

mf

Lead

Lead

have

trav - elled

me

home,

me

home,

so

50
63

long.

have

trav - elled

have

heart feels no

Lord,

Now my

Lord,

so

long.

trav - elled

so

pain,

I will

All

my

long.

All

my

All

my

gone.

gone.

gone.

trou - bles

gone.

are

trou - bles

are

gone.

pain.

All

my

All

my

All

mp

Free

a - gain.

my

Free

mp

dom

dom

dom

trou - bles

are

trou - bles

are

trou - bles

mp

Free

gone.

75

are

you

pain.

No more

trou - bles

No more

69

see

Road,

Road,

Road,

are

51

80

rit.

Lead

Lead

me

home.

me

home.

me

Lead

home.

52

10. The Future Is Bright

(Jim, Sylvia and Officers)

Warning:
A girl can change her mind.
Cue:
No stopping us . . .
. . . really should be run.

Jim

q = 148 (Swing)

mp

'Cos

if

No

me,

ers that

be,

key

di - date

all

their wis

dom a - gree,

can

swing

that

gate

ture

is

hap - py,

One of

our

boys

bright a - gain,

Toe

has

The

tap - py,

21

made

Stak - ing his

claim,

Jim

The

world

like

Officers mf

is

his

fu -

name,

white

a - gain,

is

out

like

We're

hap - py,

star,

you will

go

mine

so

Jim

ture

Ne - ver thought that we'd be

Shin - ing

black and

it,

Mak - ing

25

In

The

17

29

can -

13

fu

oth - er

the pow

a - gain,

I'm

far,

swing - ing from

33

vine
a - gain,

Lord

and

mas

Here

at

37

We're on the run

- way,

40

stay.

45

Officers

Sylvia mf

ter of

a new

loy - al

arm

must say that suit real - ly

last,

sal - utes

you

And

Pull a seat

up,

gone,

Now it's

cream

be

Sir,

last

all morn - ing,

from now

cakes,

This

on,

The man

With - out warn - ing,

No it's not

mp

Jim

Come

is how

No it's not

to

suits you, Sir.

here

And

fast,

of

the

a dream,

a dream,

But the

But the

it's

gon - na
3

mo - ment is

Sylvia

Tea

63

on

Put your feet up,

The witch is

I'll

Hold

be,

day,

55

Your

in,

me,

52

59

53

breaks

that

start

of our new

re -

start

of our new

re -

54
67

gime,
mf

mf

It's

gime,

go,

We

We're on our way now,

It's

look - ing

good,

know,

He's here to stay now,

mp

else

could com - pare,

It's

look - ing

It's

look - ing

wait,

Let's

We could-n't wait,

Hey

look - ing

look - ing good,

We could -n't

Ho,

Eve- ry thing is gon - na

One
of
our boys
has made
mp

One
of our boys
has made
83

else
could com - pare,

77

It's

We're get - ting rid,

It's

rid,

It's look - ing great,

73

good,

70

We're get - ting

look - ing

Jim and Sylvia

Officers,




great,
Officers

It's

good,

Officers

look - ing

it,

it

be

o - kay now.

No

- one

No

one

Hold - ing

the

flame,

Hold - ing

the

flame,



87

Play - ing

the

game,

Play

ing

the

game,

fair?

play

Who

said

we'd

play

won,

It's

mf

Put up the

The

done,

99

o - ver the place,

o - ver the place,

us now

stop

the

los - ers with

102

Noth - ing's gonn- a

up

us now

up

we're

we're

the

los - ers with

the

case

back on

the

case

lit - tle hap - pi - ness all

smile on

our face,

smile on

back on

lit - tle hap - pi - ness all

Lock - ing

stop

spread a

Put up the flag, We're gon - na spread a

Noth - ing's gonn- a

It's in the bag,

We're gonn- a

Lock - ing

The batt- le's

flag,

bat - tle's won,

in the bag,

The deed is done,

96

fair?

we'd

mf

The deed is

said

Officers, Jim & Sylvia

92

Who

55

and

and

our face,

how,

how,

56

105

look

look

The

fu

mp

the

big

cheese

the

big

cheese

ture

now.

now.

is

bright

a - gain,

good,

It's look- ing

The

is

banged

to

right

116

a - gain,

hap - py,

tap - py,

I'm key

Let's go,

We could-n't wait,

- ver thought that

I'd

be

It's look -ing great,

Hey

so

hap

Eve - ry

thing is

gon - na

We know,

py,

Here

One of

be

o - kay

now.

our

One of

He's here to stay

Ho,

Toe

We're on our way now,

We're get - ting

We could- n't wait,

We're get -ting rid,

great,

mp

It's look -ing good,

rid,

Officers

Ne

Officers + Sylvia

world

who's

It's look - ing

112

mf

Jim

who's

Just

109

Just

our

now,

boys

has

boys

has

57
119

stand,

With

all

made it,

- ways

planned,

Play - ing the game,

127

Play - ing the game,

feet,

sweet,

Who

said

we'd

play

Who

said

we'd

play

mf

It's

in the

The deed is done,

130

flag,

a - gain,

The

mf

The deed is

fair

The

mf

fair

swing - ing

bat - tle's won,

from

Put up the

Lord

and

It's in the bag,

vine

bag,

fu
ture
is
mine
a - gain,
I'm

done,

Hold - ing the flame,

is

like

Hold - ing the flame,

Just

could com - pare

Vic - to - ry

could com - pare

No - one else

my

made it,

al

at

No - one else

123

the world

The

mas

bat - tle's won,

ter of

a new

We're gon - na spread a

lit - tle

hap - pi - ness all

o - ver the place,

Put up the flag, We're gon - na spread a

lit - tle

hap - pi - ness all

o - ver the place,

day,

58

Hold
on


133

Lock ing up the

fast,

los - ers with a

We're on the run - way,

smile on our face,

los - ers with a

136

And
I'll


back

on

back

glor

139

be

on

here

the

case

the

case

ous,

day,

Vic - tor

gon - na

stop us now

the

ous,

Still un

break - a - ble,

Still un

break - a - ble,

A!

P.

O.

A!

P.

O.

A!

For

O.

we're

P.

Un - mis take - a - ble,

143

we're

Un - mis take - a - ble,

day,

to

- i

last,

stop us now

to

gon - na

Noth - ing's

stay.

at

to

Here

smile on our face,

Noth - ing's

Lock ing up the

59

10a. The Future is Bright Play-off

11. Sorry

Warning:
David? It's your mum . . .
Cue:
Yeah, it's a good line, ain't it?

(Julie S)

q = 120

Julie S: What...?

Kbd

. . . Oh, David . . .

13

Sor - ry

Julie S: No, listen . . .

20

you found

God

knows,

ain't

But

List - en,

17

you should

ne - ver

know,

out

been

I'm

this

There's some things

Rubato Julie S mp

I've been such a stupid cow.

sor - ry,

You mean . . . everything? . . .

way,

proud

need

to

say,

of

what

do,

I'm

60

23

al - ways

27

So

proud

Sor - ry

31

Love

you,

34

through

the

40

the

way

un - der - stand,

51

life you

kept

los - ing

my

you

that

turn

hope

don't e - ver

and

pray,

day,

I'd

But

just want - ed

to make

de - serve,

knows, things

mf

47

the

And I'm

squeeze you tight,

'S'on - ly

But

you,

some

God

give you

You'll

night,

That

planned,

43

you,

out

of you,

can't hold

Miss

me

37

sor - ry,

gets

so,

nerve,

have told you

one

day,

things

good,

To

Yes,

would,

And it seemed so

much

bet - ter,

61
54

I should be,

58

keeps

me

67

71

79

first

83

I'd rath - er

V.

O.

Julie S: Sorry?

Julie S: 'Course you can if you want to, darling . . .

day,

ly thing that

You

mf

God

knows there

see,

say?

I'm a

can

come

ain't no - bod - y

So there you go,

Your

Julie S: Got to send you this form called a Visiting Order - Ill put it in the post straight off, . . .
Kbd

. . . then you can come in (soon as) - oh shit, David, I forgot - Fenners stopped our visits . . .

87

a - ny

'Stead of which,

on.

vis - it

else

you

But you're the on -

What's that

hold - ing

fan - ta - sy,

And a con,

75

62

Trav -'ling the world in some

liar,

But I'm gon - na

make

things good,

No mat - ter how

bad

it

62
91

seems,

94

So

you

can

fol - low

97

Wait

and

see,

don't

I'll

there

be

your

sor - ry,

out

now

e - ver,

should

will

Just

wan - na

you and

me,

So

pp

bet - ter,

be

be,

get

e - ver

things

Yes

moth - er

dreams,

work it

rall.

like

104

We'll

100

'Cos

a - gain.

11a. Scene Change

Warning:
Don't worry, you haven't got anything.
Cue:
Well, a nod's as good as a wink to me.

q = 140

last time ]

63

12. Every Night

(Helen & Nikki)

Warning:
Sorry, you just went very quiet . . .
Cue:
See you didn't waste much time, then. How cosy.

[VAMP - Vocal last time only]

q = 120 Nikki mp

How does

let her

she

Helen

e - ver

does

she

do

The

She's there

in the dreams

keep,

In my

don't

Nikki

close

ways

can I

mo - ment

How

al

be - ware.

my - self

to

tell

did

me?

Ev

her.

27

to

She's

How

now

Both

q = 95

24

this

by

And 'though I

care.

there.

me?

I should know

win?

to

15

19

this

When

Why

12

do

in,

my

heart.

eyes

'ry

night

to

sleep,

see

64
31

Helen

Ev

And

may

fen

- 'ry

night

34

my

see

Both mf

All

40

my

de -

try

to

wake

But there's no

47

that

54

fall,

mp

And

Lie

come

see

Hope - less - ly

in - side I

lost,

To

risk

know,

am

it

ways

bro

to

my

sens

else

can

ken

do?

fal

to

sign,

cross

And

What - e - ver

on - ly

er

all,

in

es,

Dar- ing my heart

dang

on

from the start.

cresc.

al

her.

ev - 'ry

blind

here

What

But

been

ces,

Ig - nore

just

line,

57

cost,

though.

I've

up,

Ev- 'ry day

51

be

way

Some - how she's

two,

her.

mind.

37

43

ling

a - part.

the

E
61

65

Helen mp

Ev - 'ry

night

see
Nikki

mo - ment I

close

my

eyes

sleep,

to

She's

67

ing

deep

75

deep

in

But

los - ing

my

way

los - ing

my

way

this

is

cra

is

cra

in

dark,

in

in

my

see

dreams,

cret

is burn -

mp

Burn -

heart.

the

This se

this

there

night

heart.

my

But

78

my

'ry

ing

in

her,

The

her,

mp

Ev

64

the dark,

zy,

zy,

am

think - ing?

What

It's

What

am

I'm

think - ing?

just too much,

I'm

To

It's not

e - nough,

see her

66
81

face

ev - 'ry

day,

When there's so

84

To

feel

much to

no - thing

can change

her

close yet

I can't

her

who

we

are,

91

let

close

her

mo - ment

98

ing

ing

close

deep

deep

my

who

yet

so

we

are,

I can't

her

let

know,

eyes

sleep,

eyes

to

sleep,

to

my

heart.

heart.

night

see

my

close

Eve - ry

in

in

so

go.

my

mp

Eve - ry

mo - ment

can change

But

no - thing

95

When

feel

But

far,

To

so

say,

mp

When

far,

so

87

night

see

her,

her,

The

The

This

se

cret

is

burn -

This

se

cret

is

burn -

67

13. All Banged Up

(Yvonne & The Two Julies)
Warning:
We're a, ain't we?
Cue:
Yeah. But lets face it, aint nothing like
death to whet your appetite for life.

Yvonne + Two Julies

q = 124

[VAMP]

last time

We're

We've got

do

the

her

all

13

full

but there's

thang,

10

go,

When she's

banged

up,

front

prang,

all

all

all

up,

no

fan - dang,

all

the

vamped

up

up

the

bang,

How's a - ny

up

girl

meant to

a - lone.

With - out

banged

With - out

Yvonne

We're

Julie S

bang,

This litt-

le

chas- sis needs

Yvonne

And we're

vamped

banged

Julie J

I'm

16

mp

a -

a -

like

vam - pire

with - out

lone,

lone,

fang,

And though we

Two Julies

And though we

try

try

And we're

not
3

not

to

to

68

19

think

think

All

else

else

Day

this!

Day

28

ass

31

all

all

ets

are

wast - ing
3

ets

are

wast - ing

banged

up,

banged

up,

af-

ter

af-

ter

day

way,

With - out

the bang,

With - out

we

miss.

hell - hole like

When you're dumped in

aft-

er

aft-

er

hell - hole like

day,

the bang,

These

day,

These

We're

way,

miss.

we

When you're dumped in

day

a - bout,

think

pleas - ures

a - bout,

pleas - ures

think

to

this! -

to

all

the

There's bug - ger

25

all

All

There's bug - ger

the

a - bout,

22

ass

a - bout,

We're

We get

the

We get

the

twin - ges

But

twin - ges

But

69

34

where's

our

twang?

all

whipped

up

whipped

41

Whipped to

twang?

all

our

37

where's

up

peak

stiff

But we're

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

D q = 100

I want to

Bang!

Bang!

Yvonne

bang!

bang!

Bang

But we're

me - ringue,

Bang!

lone.

me - ringue,

Bang!

stiff

Bang

Bang!

46

lone.

like

like

Whipped to

peak

feel

theweight

of

Bang!

50

hand - some

hunk,

go

down,

Ly - ing

53

lights

So does

on

top

he,

of

'Til

me

in

my

bunk,

And when - the

ev - 'ry - thing goes ting - a - ling

in

70

56

side of

59

slow accel. to a tempo

me,

fall

Don't want to

be

so

ac - tion

in

strong,

pants,

e - ver have to

de - sire

so

could

go

thought

ne - ver thought I'd

ro - mance,

ne - ver

don't ex - pect

in - side my

love,

just want some

62

long!
2 Julies

It's

E A tempo q = 124

65

It's

just

just,

thrust,

You're a

wel - fare

is

wel - fare

is

all

down

all

down

to

to

you.

the

must be

the

We

mf

can

Night

mf

Night

least

you
3

least

you

screw,

you.

must be

Who we

screw,

It

It

You're

lit - tle

thrust,

do,

do,

71

lit - tle

68

can

And our

af - ter
3

And our

trust,

can

can trust,

af - ter

night

night

af - ter
3

af - ter

74

Think of

night,___

78

all

all

banged

up,

no

up,

no

all

all

banged

up

up

out

out

the

the

bang,

bang,

girl

meant

meant

lone.

do

to

do

all

We're

wants

wants

all

to

be

to

her

We're

lone.

No - bod - y

to

girl

No - bod - y

the

be

go,

her

the

go,

thang,

When

When

banged

up,

in

our

gang,

in

our

With -

With -

she's

up,

she's

thang,

banged

but there's

but there's

We've got

a - ny

We're

We've got

bang,

bang,

How's

87

a - ny

the

We're

the

plight,___

How's

banged

With - out

fan - dang,

84

fan - dang,

With - out

81

our des - per - ate

Pause

plight,___

banged

our des - per - ate

Think of

night,___

71

Justin:
You really should try & eat something.

gang,

72

90

We could - n't care less

if

spring just

We could - n't care less

93

all go

hang,

all go

97

hang,

all

all

101

all

sprang,

out and get

the

If

the

queen

just

queen

just

out with a bang,

'Cos un - til

banged

we get

out and get

up,

banged

up

up

banged

up,

We're

rang,

They can

rang,

They can

all

banged

We're

We're

all

out with a bang,

We're

We're

up,

We're

q = 170
f

lone!

If

we get

up,

106

'Cos un - til

sprang,

banged

banged

spring just

if

all

lone!

Bang!

Bang!

73

14. The Baddest and the Best

(Justin & Prisoners)
Warning:
Shit me, what's this? Screw against screw?
Cue:
As in yesterday's, right?

Rock q = 161

Nikki

mf

You'd

A Verse 1

wise

He's

28

gon - na

screw

All except Shell

you'll

you

be

his

So you'd bet - ter

lis

C
-

Verse 2

ten

up,

wake

up

gain.

round,

be - fore

Denny

com -ing

ver

For

Like

ry

ter

brain.

to

Girl you need

Yvonne

on

your

keeps

And

That

go - ing - down,

use

is

dream,

17

this

bet

the way

life

bad

24

in your

To

13

21

up,

once

call

you

and

'Cos we're all

gon - na

know

what's

this

beat

is

this

hit.

it!

rap,

74
32

Justin

If he's

36

Yvonne

40

48

52

he'll

mind

be

and

up

bad - dest

Bad - dest

and

the

the

now

it's

best?

best?

up

worst.

be

You've

been

You've

been

bad?

messed

messed

the

day

is

to

through.

you!

Do you wan - na

and

Do you wan - na

55

be - fore

trap,

do your

to - ry

hon - ey

bad?

Others

sting

his

So make your

Do you wan - na

be

And

first!

Sit - ting in

up your

All except Shell

Denny f

Get him

bee.

Sharp - en

44

you,

queen

Nikki

get

Two Julies

We need a

out to

be

the

a - round

and

a - round

and

tram -

tram -

75
58

pled

pled

don't

get

Nikki

No - one

bad - dest,

Denny: Go on, Shell...

your

crown,

The

bad- dest

The

bad- dest

the

rest,

bad - dest

the bad - dest

and

the

the bad - dest

best,

and

the

best,

and

the

best!

The

The

The bad - dest

and

the

best!

best!

Yvonne: Or just out for yourself?

the

and

The bad - dest

Shell: Well it's obvious I'm the best, innit?

get

rest,

the

You're the

don't

chest,

Nikki: So? Are you in with us?

bad - dest,

(Cue)

that

The bad - dest,

No you

Bad - der than all

take

chest!

bad - der than all

The bad - dest,

73

could

else

pp

77

pp

off

All except Shell

69

it

You just get

mad,

your

65

off

Nikki

You

it

Get

mad,

Get

down,

61

down,

76
Shell: Yeah, all right.

80

83

(Cue)

Yvonne (on phone): "Charlie, it's me. Do us a favour,

darling? I need a state of the art wireless mini-cam . . .

97

Shell: I could get used to this solidarity shit.

Okay, so what's the plan?

(until ready)

93

(A big cheer goes up

from the other women.)

Yvonne

If you're gon - na

be

100

the

and

the

best,

If you're gon - na

No mat - ter

it

to the

test,

No you don't get

bad?

get the

where you go

be

it's

who

you

know,

104

Put

best,

Bad- dest

You got - ta

Others f

and

bad,

bad - dest

. . . and like yesterday, yeah?"

(A package flies over the wall.)

mad,

You

You don't

get

mad,

just get

77
108

bad - der than all

the

112

the

Hit him

rest,

Do your

Lord

will

un - der - stand,

When you're out

to

the

We'll

fix

you

up

127

be - fore

131

whole

fin

If we has to be

to

look

his

world's

gon - na

up

there

Denny

who

un - der - hand,

nice,

on

are,

to

his

He

won't

think

twice

It's an

ea - sy

case

T.

V.

star,

And the

You'll

prove,

When the truth

to

that screen,

le - vel,

you

lit - tle bit

You're gon - na be

mp

And I'm

seen.

know

so

move,

Crystal

You got - ta sink down

al - ly

hit him low,

De - vil,

Justin

is

139

makes

And when it's

135

and

your best!

he

hard

smite

124 Two Julies mf

and

120

bad - dest

116

sure the

rest,

Bad - der than all

be

the

best

78
142

there's

ver

Is

gon - na

rot

Now

in
Denny

we'd

hell!

(Very free)

ne - ver

met,

rot

in

the

mood,

157

face

way

he won't

he

and

And he'll

be

his

'Cos

I'm

ver

met

For a good - night

kiss and

tell,

you,

tell,

for - get!

Shell & Denny

hell.

He ain't ne - ver

161

in

ne - ver

make him wish

kiss

the mood,

a -

man,

bad

I'll

In

This - 'll be

wish

For a good - night

He's gon - na

bad,

153

that

He's gon - na

150

mf

been!

146

Shell

to - ry

be - fore

e - ver

gon- na

the day

is

for - get

done,

you,

79

165

We

169

may

be

cra

zy

but

re - venge

You got - ta

Others f

If you're gon - na

be

172

Don't get

Don't get

176

180

is

messed a - round

and

mad,

tram -

Who's

the

If you're gon - na be

bad - dest

and

get mad,

the

and

the

best?

the

best!

pled down,

pled down,

Shell

You

You don't

tram -

you don't get

and

messed a - round

Bad - dest

be

No

bad?

fun!

bad?

just get

it off

your chest!

Get

it off

your chest!

bad- der than all

the rest.

bad - dest

Get

bad- der than all

girl

in

town?

the rest.

80

184

pp

The

The

bad - dest,

bad - dest,

the

cresc.

cresc.

the

est

and

est

and

the

bad - dest,

The bad - dest

and

the

best,

the

The

Bad - dest

The

Bad - dest

bad - dest,

And

bad - dest

The

And

best,

of

the bad -

cresc.

the

cresc.

bad - dest,

and

The

The bad - dest

The bad - dest,

bad - dest,

The bad - dest,

pp

188

192

bad - dest

the bad -

The

Best!

The

of

Best!

14a. Scene Change

Cue:
Okay, everybody else get back in your cells, yeah?
(Justin leads Shell out and the other women hurry off to their cells.)

q = 165

[Vamp]

81

15. First Lady

Warning:
Just piss in the pot, will you?
Cue:
Better make me believe I can still get
what I want from you, then.

(Jim & Shell)

Gentle Country Rock feel

q = 130

Shell

mp freely

wheel,

Who

10

way

21

25

self

Night

to

to

of

the

mf

to

me,

I'll

be

your

Won't you come

out

us

with

start

re - veal - ing

First

La

play,

tru - ly

of

the

you

you

and

man

show

two

So why not

who'll

far.

wo - man

see,

go

29

need

the

It's just

else

on

Jim: Yep, you bet.

All the way to the top.

What kind

no - one

re - veal,

with his hand

wer

Jim: Oh, I'll be revealing everything, darling.

man

po

to

are.

the

You

13

17

has

need

your

dy

Of The
3

I'm tak - ing

you

82

33

all

37

I'll

the

way.

41

no

right.

45

Night.

49

53

needs

space,

me

61

your

his

knows her

knees,

place . . .

come

Shell

be

be here

And you

can

I'll

and

have no

Jim

And you

have no

ways been

dy

The

luv,

go

so

Of

- tance,

for - get,

dis

not

let's

Shell

al

La

You

the

To

go

First

You knowwe've

C Verse 2
Jim mp

Shell: Don't you worry about that, Jim.

I'm

please

57

But

man

If you can

re - sis - tance,

of - fer

That

as

he

may

sure that

wo - man like

wait - ing

on

- dea

my

what

dea

what

83

65

treats

you have

treats

69

you have

had

in

be -

fore,

night,

night,

all

77

all

81

be

your . . .

Turn

all

the

Turn

all

the

have

you like you've ne - ver been

mf

First

La

down

down

show,

in

this

'Cos

in

this

sit

sit

u - a - tion,

u - a - tion,

low,

mf

lights

'Cos

gon - na

I'm

lights

you like you've ne - ver been

show,

night

have

First

night

gon - na

73

I'll

I'm

store.

fore,

store.

be -

had

in

La

of

the

dy

of

the

We're

in

for

an

We're

in

for

an

Just give in

to

Just give in

to

temp - ta

tion,

temp - ta

tion,

so

it

so

You can't de - ny

dy

low,

You can't de - ny

it

feels

feels

84

85

right.

night.

night.

93

to

meant

to

mf

mf

You

des

des

no -

no -

one

one

ti

ti

me

feet,

un der

we could

stands.

my

have

up

this

have

the

this

You and

the

me,

me,

of

the

it's

May - be

it's

whole

world

whole

in our

world

in our
3

This

heat,

the

heat,

up

of

May - be

feet,

is

your

This

is

your

We've got

We've got

some - thing

stands.

my

You and

un der

turn - ing

off

we could

off

turn - ing

ny.

Ba - by we're

rock

ny.

dy

me

La -

To - ge - ther

rock

To - ge - ther

dy

be,

La -

105

real - ly

Ba - by we're

mp

First

hands.

real - ly

hands.

First

be,

97

101

your

You

meant

I'm

right.

89

mp

some - thing

First

First

85

109

La

La

113

dy

of

the

dy

of

the

all

night

all

night

temp - ta

tion,

temp - ta

tion,

it

feels

feels

so

so

La - dy,

My

First

125

La - dy,

129

in

in

lights

all

the

right,

I'm

give in - to

Just

give in - to

You can't

de - ny

You can't

de - ny

your

First

Just

sit - u - a - tion,

right,

low,

sit - u - a - tion,

low,

down

lights

this

show.

this

down

show.

'Cos

it

'Cos

the

Turn

all

night.

We're in for an

Turn

117

night.

We're in for an

121

First

and on - ly

La

La

dy

Of

The

dy

Of

The

Night.

Night.

86

15a. The Baddest and the Best Reprise

(Shell & Chorus)

q = 165

Shell

Exit Cue:
Give me the bloody key

[Vamp]

be

and

Bad - dest

the

and

the

11

best?

- pled down,

best!

15

just get

You

in

get

Don't

messed

get

messed

No

you don't get

chest!

chest,

town?

the

the

rest.

rest.

and

tram -

and

tram -

You don't

mad,

cresc.

a - round

all

a - round

all

be the

Bad - der than

girl

Don't

bad?

Shell

get mad,

Who's

The

19

bad - dest

be

bad - der than

Get it off your

you're gon - na

Get it off your

- pled down,

You got - ta

bad - dest

[Vamp]

If

Exit Cue:
Help! Fire!

bad?

Chorus (unseen)

[Vamp] Kbd

If you're gon - na

Exit Cue:
What the hell are you doing?

the

Bad- dest And

The Best!

87

16. This Is My Life

(Helen, Nikki, Yvonne & Prisoners)

Warning:
Five, four, three, two, . . . one!
Cue:
- Be good.
- Oh, we will, sir.
- After you.

q = 100

Cue

13

Exit Cue:
When you're free.

q = 120
Nikki

I'm gon - na

be

I'm

there,

Helen

29

[Vamp]

25

17

21

gon - na

be

That's a prom - ise

there,

This is

my

life,

Helen

Start liv - ing it,

This

is

your

I won't

Watch - ing o - ver ev

Nikki

life,

'ry

break,

move

you make,

keep giv - ing it

88
33

Ev - 'ry - thing

37

you

40

our

a -

47

50

rows

is

now we've come

the

time

so

far.

57

can

all

60

When

stand

tells

to -

geth

hurt

ing

that

we

foot

er

with

Nikki

now it's

gone,

know just how

Prisoners

hard

But

We're gon - na

there,

Don't hold back

wall,

be

you

if

see

you

me,

all

those

who

us

throw

you

Nikki

ten

on,

I'm gon - na

And

you're fac - ing

mov

be,

can't

no - bo - dy

past

there,

Got - ta

for

54

- day,

be

Yvonne

'Cos

gon - na

to

The

it

start

This

way,

are.

43

Exit Cue:
She gets out for all of us, yeah?
Yeah.

q = 135
[Vamp]

And I'm

to - mor

and doubts

can.

Nikki

All

fears

Both

it

fall.

I'm gon - na

be

there

89

64

will

be

the

first

67

I'm gon - na

70

be

I'm

is

my

life,

my

life,

is

is

giv - ing

ev - 'ry - thing

I'm

I'm

go - ing out

my

it

giv - ing

it

giv - ing

it

life,

I'm

and

tak - ing

back

it,

liv - ing

what's

mine,

it,

This

it,

ev - 'ry - thing

liv - ing

I'm

there

liv - ing

ev - 'ry - thing

I'm

This

be

I'm

gon - na

73

I'm

This

line,

there.

Prisoners

This

in

This

This

is

is

can.

can.

my

is

can.

my

my

To

To

To

make it

make it

make it

life,

life,

life,

90

77

good.

good.

81

And

84

91

cape

cape

dreams,

But still

me

me

from the
3

cy - cle

and

from the

cy - cle

and

Wan - na

try,

Wan - na

and

I'm

I'm

it,

gon - na

it,

them

are

them

are

be

some

take

just

some

take

gon - na

be

To

it,

just

one,

one,

To

it,

To

wan - na

show

them

wan - na

plans,

To

and

I have

some of

chance

plans,

break

try,

I have

some of

chance

break

'Though may - be

'Though may - be

give

But still

give

Just

have

Just

cra - zy schemes,

88

dreams,

cra - zy schemes,

have

And

show

them

es -

es -

why

why

91

94

am

some

am

some

one,

97

make it

And when

make it

100

door.

door.

103


not

not

take

106

take

out

of

e - ver

shit

e - ver

a -

a -

life throws

shit

ny

ny

life throws

my

my

mo - ment I

walk through that

mo - ment I

in

my

in

my

more,

face,

face,

I'm

more,

I'm

walk through that

way,

way,

To where

to

be,

To where

want

want

to

be.

am

head - ing

am

on

head - ing

on

Julie S

On

From the

gon - na

From the

gon - na

place,

this

place,

What

of

this

What

out

one,

And when

beach,

92

109

Kick - ing

sand

from our

Yvonne

shoes,

There's a

Nikki
Julie J

With our

kids,

kick - ing

112

sand

from our shoes,

Shell

sing - ing the

blues,

Get - ting wast - ed

sing - ing the

that

that

is

is

the

the

life

life

118

I'm

I'm

122

be

be

there,

there,

Crystal

bar,

Where I'm

All

fo - reign booze,

But

Get - ting wast - ed

chose,

chose,

gon - na

gon - na

cheap

If

If

be

I'm

that

is

that

gon - na
3

the

life

if

chose,

is

gon - na

the

there,

But

be

fo - reign booze,

there,

I'm

on

if

All

on cheap

Where I'm

Denny

blues,

115

There's a

bar,

life

I've

I've

be

got - ta
3

be

chose,

there,

there,

got - ta

93

125

wan

wan

na

be

na

there.

be

129

there.

16a. This Is My Life Playoff (optional)

94

17. Curtain Call

(Company)

Latin q = 180

Cue

10

15

36

(Cue)

q = 90
41

21

Yvonne &
Prisoners

We're

D Jazz 8's

45

49

stop

List,

'til

Come out and

we drop, 'Cos we're

play

on the

top

to

- night

on

list,

the

Won't

95
(Cue)

53

Hey

Hey

Mis - ter,

Mis - ter,

Don't

Don't

out

that

light.

turn

out

that

light!

3
3
3
3

18. Playout (Optional)

60

Freely q = 172

turn

56

Les Petits
Rats
Music by

PETER ALLWOOD
Book & Lyrics by

JEREMY JAMES TAYLOR

& DAVID SCOTT

Tuba

JOSEF WEINBERGER LIMITED

12 14 Mortimer Street
London W1T 3JJ
Tel: +44 (0)20-7580 2827 Fax: +44 (0)20-7436 9616
www.josef-weinberger.com

IMPORTANT:
DO NOT DEFACE THIS MATERIAL!
Should you find it necessary to mark cues
or cuts, use a soft black lead pencil only.
All markings should be erased BEFORE
your material is returned.

THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR SALE

It is rented for the period specified in
your contract. It remains the property of
Josef Weinberger Limited.