Essay#1

Task
What are the benefits of taking part in sport at school and should it be compulsory? Discuss
yourviewsonthistopic.
Answer
Nutrition and fitness are becoming more and more important in our life. Mostpeople believe , that
sport can be significantly beneficial. There are various physical activities, so every person can find
somethingsuitable regardlessofhisability.Inthisessay I willbrieflydiscussthebenefitsofsports
activities.
Firstly,thereisnodoubtthatfitnessandhealtharetremendouslyimportant.Manyexpertsagreethat
participating in sport activities can definitely keep our fitness on a high level. Statistics show that
more and more children are overweight and obese resently, so we should promote the physical
activitiesatschoolandtoengageallstudents.

Comment: (notneeded)

Comment: Recentstatistics
Comment: (notneededhere)
Comment: sothatallstudentsengage
inthem.

Moreover,throughtheseactivities,childrencanimprovetheireducationaloutcomesanddevelopin
differentareas.Ithasbeenproven,thattakingpartinsporthelpstobuildcharacterandpersonality
especially during school years. Physical education assists in developing of discipline, precision,
balanceandcoordination.
Sport can also be very helpful in dealing with children who persistently misbehaviour during and
after school. Wee often observe how a child can transform from a difficult teenager to a great
sportsman. Lastly, I believe that sport is one of the best ways of interacting with other people.
Children learn how to cooperate and respect other peoples decisions. Even though most sport
disciplinsarevery competitivethey teachchildrenabout team valuesandrespecting other players.
Moreoverstudentslearnhowtolosewithgraceandhowtogetupandtryagain.
Takingallthispointsintoconsideration,Ibelievethatsportisveryimportantinourlifeandshould
playasignificantpartineveryschoolscirruculum.Inmyopinionphysicaleducationisasnecessary
asnumeracyandliteracyandshouldbecompulsoryinprimaryandsecondaryschool.Manypeople
wouldagreethatawellfunctioningstudentisonewholooksafterbothmindandbody.

Comment: misbehave
Comment: We
Comment: troublesome

Comment: disciplines
Comment: ,

Comment: curriculum

Word Count: 308

Teacher's comments:
This essay is too long (308 words instead of advised 250-280). Otherwise this work is a
good one; it covers the task, your position is clear, the ideas are well-organized,
expressed, explained and supported. The sentences show a range of language structures,
cohesive devices and the grammar is fine, although there are places where the sentence
formation is inappropriate (see comment [c2] and [c4]) there are incorrect spellings.
Overall, looks like a band 6.5 or higher essay.
Suggestions:

Work on spelling mistakes. The best way to improve spelling is to write several times
and learn by heart.

Keep the maximum word limit in mind while writing the essay; otherwise you are
likely to make more grammatical and spelling errors.

Proof-read the essay after writing it.

Essay#2
Task
Insomecountrieschildrenhaveverystrictrulesofbehavior,inothercountriesthey
areallowedtodoalmostanythingtheywant.Towhatextentshouldchildrenhaveto
followrules?
Answer
Peoplefromdifferentcountriesbehavedifferently.Thesedifferencesappearinseveral
aspects.Oneoftheseaspectsistherestrictiononchildrensbehavior.Childrenfromsome
countriesintheworld,suchasChinaorJapan,areexpectedtofollowrulessetbytheir
parents;whilechildrencomefromcountrieslikeAmericalivefreely.Inmyopinion,
controllingchildrensbehavioratanearlyagebenefitstheminthefuture.
Somepeoplemayarguethatrulesofbehaviordestroychildrenscreativity.Iftheyonly
knowhowtofollowrules,therearenotmanydifferencesbetweenhumanandmanmade
machines.
Ontheotherhand,therearesignificantbenefitswhichresultfromchildrenhaving
restrictions.Firstly,atayoungage,childrenlackwisdomandlifeexperience,whereas,
theirparentshaveexperiencedalotintherealworld.Therestrictionstheysetareto
protecttheyoungstersfromunknowndangerous.Furthermore,whenpeopleareyoung,
theyarecuriousabouteverysinglethingexposedtothem.Forinstance,ifachildiscurious
atthetasteofcigarettes,heorshemightbecomeaddictedafterattemptedtocigarettes
whichinturnresultinahighchanceofsufferingfromlungcancer.Infact,theageofpeople
addictedtocigarettesisgettingyoungerandyounger,especiallyincountrieswhere
childrencandowhatevertheywantto.
Allinall,Ibelievethestrictrulesofbehaviorinchildrenarenecessarybecausetheyareset
todirectandprotecttheyoungergeneration.However,therulesshouldbeabletorelease
stepbystepalongwithchildrensgrowth.
Word Count 260
Teacher's comments:
Essay starts with good introduction. However, candidate started making mistakes
which were mainly related to formation of sentences. One or two sentences
seemed irrelevant. Use of vocabulary is good. Grammatical mistakes could have
been avoided. Task completion is fine with sufficient arguments and good essay
format.
Estimated Band Score 7.0
Do not forget to proof read your essay to weed out clerical errors.
Practice indirect speech to fine-tune your sentence formation skills.

Comment: thentheremayremainno
differencebetweenhumansand
machines.

Comment: Dangers.

Comment: aboutthe
Comment: tothem.
Comment: becoming

Comment: eased

Essay#3
Task
Nowadayshistoricbuildingsarebeingdestroyedtobuildnewconstructions,is
thisapositivedevelopment?Explainyourpointofview?
Answer
Somecountriesarepreservingtheirhistoricalbuildings,whilesomeareinvestingon
theirrenovationstogeteconomicbenefit.Ontheotherhand,somecountriesare
demolishingancientstructurestogivewayfornewconstructions.Thisessaywill
describesomeofthepositiveaspectsanddrawbacksofdestroyinghistoricbuildingsin
thefollowingpassages.
Mostofthehistoricbuildingshavetheirownstoryandshouldnotbedestroyedinthe
nameofmodernization.Thesestructurescanberenovatedinordertostrengthen
nationaleconomy.WecanconsiderIndiasTajMahalasaparagon.Itattractsmillionsof
touristseachyearanditisoneofthemajorsourcesofincomeinIndia.Italsoprovides
jobtothousandsoflocalpeople.Ourancestorshadspentafortunetoconstruct
splendidstructuretopassitovertofuturegeneration.Todestroythosemeansshowing
disrespectandwastingalltheirtime,moneyandeffort.
Demolishingoldandfragilehistoricalconstructionstomakenewbuildingsisagood
decisionespeciallyifmaintenanceofthesebuildingsdemandsagreatdealoftimeand
money.Sometimes,leavingthemwithoutmaintenanceordestroyingmayleadtotheir
collapseclaimingpeopleslifeandcancreatedisaster.Wecanhearnewsaboutthe
accidentsoccurredduetocollapseoftheoldbuildings.Thustopreventsuchdisaster,
governmentsshouldreplacethembynewstructure.
AsfarasIamconcerned,Ibelieve,countriesmustsavetheiroldandhistorical
structuresastheycanmakethemeconomicallyandculturallyrich.Ifincase,itisnot
possible,itshouldbedestroyedbutonlyfortheconstructionoflandmarksorpublic
properties.

Comment: revenuefor
Comment: employment
Comment: generations

Comment: whichoccur

Word Count: 271

Teacher's comments:
Essay displays a fair degree of command of the language on the part of its writer.
However, candidate has made a mistake while completing the task. Second sentence
in the question statement asks for explaining the reason for candidates point of view.
This task has been allotted insufficient attention. Overall vocabulary and grammar is
fine though.
Estimated band: 7.0
Suggestions:
Try reading the question statement carefully and give your reply appropriately.
You can increase your bands by using more appropriate vocabulary and at the same
time reinforcing your arguments.

Essay#4
Task:
Today,highsalesofpopularconsumergoodsreflectthepowerofadvertisingandnotthe
realneedsofthesocietyinwhichtheyaresold.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree.
Givereasonsforyouranswerandincluderelevantexamplesfromyourownexperience.
Answer:
Itisafactthatmanufacturingcompaniesspendahugeamountofmoneyinordertoadvertise
theirproducts.Althoughmanypeoplebelievethatconsumerspurchasevariousproducts
becauseoftheinfluenceofadvertisements,someothersargueagainstit.Thisessaywilldiscuss
botharguments.
Todaysadvertisementsarestrongenoughtoattractanykindofpeople.Mostofthe
advertisementsareoverexaggeratedrepresentationoftherealproduct.Vulnerablepeopleoften
fellinthistrapandpurchaselowqualitymaterialsunnecessarily.Moreover,advertisements
sometimestargetcertainagegroups,suchasschoolchildrenandadolescents.Inordertoattract
suchimmaturepopulation,advertisingcompaniesmakeuseofprominentsingersoractors.
Sinceadolescentshaveatendencytoimitatetheirfavoriteicons,theypurchasetheproduct.
Apartfromthis,manypeoplegrabthenewlylaunchedproductsinordertoincreasetheirpride
inthesociety.

Comment: fall

Ontheotherhand,manypeoplepurchaseproductsbywatchingtheadvertisement,iftheyare
likelytoimprovetheirlifestyle.Forinstance,ifabusypersoncomestoseeanadvertisement
aboutanewtimesavinghomeappliance,heorsheismorelikelytopurchasethatitem.In
addition,iftheproductisgoodinqualityandreallymeatstheexpectationofthebuyer,itwillget
mouthpublicity.Thiswillsurelyimprovethesalesoftheparticularproduct.Furthermore,there
aremanypeoplewhoarekeenonadvancedtechnologies.Suchpeopleoftenbuylatestproducts
bythinkingthattheysimplifytheirlife.
Toconclude,Ithinkadvertisementplayanimportantroleinimprovingthesalesofaproduct.
Despitethefactthatadvertisementsarenotreal,anincreasingnumberofpeoplestillfallintheir
trap.
Word count: 280
Teacher's comments:
Well done! There are minor mistakes, which can be improved by proof reading the
essay after writing it. Other wise there is proper cohesion and coherence. Appropriate
vocabulary has been used.
Estimated Band Score: 7.5

Comment: advertisements

Essay#5

Task:

In some countries, it is common for women to find a job when their

childrenareyoung.Whataretheadvantagesanddisadvantagesofthis?
Answer:
Inthisdayandage,womenarenolongerrestrictedtoonlybeingahomemaker
as compared to the past. Instead, many have become working mothers. This is
occurringbecauseofgrowingeconomicalpressure,personalpreference,andso
forth.Therearebothprosandconsofthisissue.

Being a working mother can be beneficial in many ways. Firstly, working

mothersbringinregularpaycheckwhichcouldgreatlyeasethefinancialburden
of the household. In other words, working mothers can have some extra
spending than their domestic counterparts. Further, women who work are
generally believed to be less depressed. By constantly exposing to tasks like,
Problem solving, pressure handling, women are more encouraging and their
selfesteem and self confidence are greatly enhanced. Conversely, those
homemakers usually feel stressed and unhappy in doing repetitive household
chores.Inaddition,workingmotherssetuparolemodelfortheirkids.Kidsare
instilledwithasenseofachievement,responsibilityandhardworkingspirit.This,
inturn,mayhavegreatimpactinshapingyoungchildrenspersonality.

On the other hand, there are certain downsides to being a working mother. To
begin with, young children whose parents both work outside the home are
believed to be alienated from their parents. They can not enjoy a balancing
family life. They are often sent to nursing school. This may be advantageous in
termsoftheprofessionalcaretheyreceive butisfarfromconstructivetotheir
psychologicalwellbeing.Moreover,workingmothersattimesfinditdifficultto
work due to discrimination in workplaces. And this leads to a deepened
homesickness.

Inconclusion,thequestiondiscussedisrathercomplexasbothsideshavemerit.
However,animportantissuehereismotherwhodecidestoworkneedstomake
sureworklifeequilibriumisachieved.

Comment: become

Comment: become

Comment: being constructive for their

psychological well being.

Word Count 297

Teacher's comments:
This is a very well written essay. It displays a good command over the
English language. Expression of opinions is good. Use of vocabulary is
fine too. Connectives have been used properly.
Estimated Band Score 7.5

Report#1
Task
ThegraphbelowshowsthewaypeopleofSomecountryinvestedtheirmoneyduringthe
years20012006.Writeareportforauniversitytutordescribingtheinformationshown.
Youshouldwriteatleast150words.

Answer
Thebargraphcomparesthewaypeopleinvestedtheremoneyinstockmarketinsome
countriesduringtheyears2001to2006.Thereisanincreasingamountofmoneyinvested
instocksandbondeveryyear.

Comment: their

Itcanbeclearlyseenthatpeopleinsomecountryinvesttheirmoneyonstocks.Thereisa
gradualincreasedintheamountofmoneyinvestedinthestocksduringtheyearsof2001
to2003(210,216and227billiondollarsrespectively).In2004,asuddenincreaseof
moneywasinvestedinastockwhichis289billiondollarsrespectively.Itwasfollowedby
anincreaseintheyearof2005to2006(297and311billiondollars).Thehigheststockwas
311billionintheyear2006.

Comment: Somecountry

Theamountofmoneyinvestedinbondsissmallerascomparedtostocks(100versus210
billiondollars).Althoughbondhaslessinvestment,thetrendofitsinvestmentisincreasing
fromalmost1030billiondollarseveryyear.From100billionitwentupto188in2006.
Inconclusion,peopleinsomecountryinvesttheirmoneymoreinstocksthaninbonds.

Comment: Investedmorethroughout
thegivenperiod.
Comment: Increaseorrise(anounis
required)

Comment: In2001
Comment: Somecountry
Comment: invested

Word Count: 187 words

Teacher's comments:
Overall the graph is well elaborated by having a close look at the details of the
trend. However, the candidate failed to use some words appropriately. There are
also some problems with tenses.
Estimated Band Score: 6.0
Suggestions:
Needs to work hard on the correct use of tenses, word choice and punctuation.
Vocabulary needs to be enriched.
Must try to use different linking verbs such as "in the same way, likewise,
similarly, on the other hand, whereas, however".
Must try to use different adjectives or adverbs for showing various trends such
as "a slight increase or increased slightly, a sharp rise or rose sharply, a
considerable decline or declined considerably".

Report#2
Task
Thetablebelowdescribesthepercentagesofhomeschooledstudentsin
SomeCountryin19992004.Writeareportforauniversitylecturerdescribingthe
informationshown.Youshouldwriteatleast150words.

Answer:

Thetableshowsthepercentageofstudentsstudyingathomeinsomecountryin
19992004.Itcanbeclearlyseenthatthekindergartenareconsistentlyhighinpercentage
ofstudentsstudyingathome(2.4to2.9respectively).

Adeclineinpercentageofhomeschooledstudentswasnotedamonggrades12to
grades78fromyear19992001.Thelowestpercentagewasinyear2000amongstudents
ofgrades12whichisonly1.2%.Anincreasingnumberofstudentsdoingthehome
schooledstudywerenotedintheyear2002to2003amonggrades34togrades78.
Studentfromgrades18remainedbelow2%fromyear1999to2001.Intheyear2004,the
highestnumberofpercentageof2.9wasnotedamongkindergartenstudents.Italso
noticedinthesameyearthatstudentsfromgrade18increasedithomeschooledstudyas
comparedfromtheyear1992003.

Comment: Variationinthe
Comment: Somecountry

Comment: was
Comment: from
Comment: notneeded
Comment: wasalso
Comment: their
Comment: to

Tosumup,thekindergartenremainsthehighestpercentageofstudentsfrom1999
2004.

Comment: had

Word Count: 156 words

Teacher's comments:
Overall the report is well attempted. However, the candidate fails to use a variety
of sentence structure and certain words have been used repeatedly. Moreover,
the task displays some problems with prepositions.
Estimated Band Score: 6.0
Suggestions:
The candidate needs to work hard on the correct use of preposition especially
from, to, etc.
Must use connective words such as "similarly, in the same way, likewise,
whereas, on the other hand, however" wherever these words are needed.
Avoid repetition of words like "noted, among" etc.
Begin each paragraph of the task from the left margin

Report#3

Task

Thegraphbelowshowshowpricesof"hightechgadgets"changedovertimein
Somecountry.Writeareportforauniversitytutordescribingtheinformation
shown.Youshouldwriteatleast150words.

Answer

ThegraphcomparesthepricesofnavigationsystemsandsmartphonesinSomecountry
betweenJuly2004andDecember2006.Asitshowsclear,althoughatfirstnavigation
systemshavebeenmuchmoreexpensive,overtheyearspricesfornavigationsystems
andsmartphonesbecameidentical.

In2004anavigationsystemcostalmost4000USD.Inthefirsthalfof2005theprice
dropedto3200USDdecliningsteadilyto3000USDinthesecondhalfof2005.Inthe
followingyear,2006,itfirstcametoanincreaseupto3500USDbetweenJanuaryand
JunebutfromJulytoDecember2006priceswentdownevenunderthelevelof2005
andreached2750USD.

Asitisshownsmartphoneshavebeencheapercomparedtonavigationsystemsduring
thewholeperiod.Startingat3000USDinthesecondhalfof2004thepriceforasmart
phonedeclinedsteadilydownto2750USDduringJanuarytoJune2005.Afterasmall
increaseto2900USDattheendofthesameyearthepricewentdownby300USDto
2600USDmaintainingstabilitythroughout2006.

Althoughtherewasabigdifferenceinthepricesfornavigationsystemsandsmart
phonesin2004andthefirsthalfof2006therewasnodifferenceattheendoftheshown
period.

Comment: It has been shown clearly

that

Comment: ,
Comment: dropped

Comment: ,
Comment: cheaper as compared to

Comment: in

Word count: 221 words

Teacher's comments:
Overall, the graph is well written although there are some minor mistakes. The
candidate has exceeded the word limit.
Estimated band score: 7.0
Suggestions:
Try to keep the word limit up to a maximum of 180 words. Use a comma
wherever necessary.

Letter#1
Task
Youarerentinganapartmentandtheneighboursaredisturbingyou.Writea
lettertoyourlandlordexplainingwhattheproblemis,whatdoyoudotosolve
theproblemandwhatactionyouwanttheownertotake.
Answer
DearSir!
Iamwritingyoutocomplainaboutournoisyandobstinateneighboursinadjacent
apartment.
Theynormallybangtheirdoorsinsteadofgentlyclosingthem.Itmakesaloudsound
whichisverydisturbinganddistractsmefrommystudies.Theythrowapartyalmost
everyweekendnightsandplaydeafeningmusicwhichsometimesendsatnextearly
morning.Becauseofthiswecannotsleepinpeaceduringweekendnightswhichmakes
mesleepyonmyworkonfirstdayofweek.
Werequestedthemanumberoftimestoclosethedoorsoftlyandtokeepvolumedown
duringpartiesbuttheygaveusadeafear.Willyoupleasecomehereandtalktothem
personally.Hopefully,theywilllistentoyou.Iftheystilldonotbehavethemselveswe
mayhavetosendacomplainlettertotherealestateagentandrequesttotakeaction
againstthem.

Comment: Missingcomma

Comment: the

Comment: night
Comment: (Avoidstartinganew
sentencewithBecauseorBut)
Comment: feelsleepyatworkonthe
firstdayoftheweek.
Comment: the
Comment: Irequestyoutocomeand
talktothempersonally.

Lookingforwardtohearingfromyou.
Comment: YoursSincerely,

Jackson

Word Count: 157 words

Teacher's comments:
Letter displays lack of concentration on the part of the candidate. Some of the
mistakes could have been easily avoided. Grammar and vocabulary seem fine.
Estimated Band Score 6.0
Suggestions:
-Divide the letter into three parts
1. Explain why you are writing the letter
2. Details - the body of the letter
3. Action to be taken

-Do not ask questions in a Semiformal letter. Write a request (refer comment
[c5]).
-Always add a comma after the salutation (and not an exclamation mark),(refer
comment [c1])
-Always end your letter with appropriate sign off phrase (refer comment [c6]).

Letter#2
Task
Youmovedtoanewplace.Writetoyourfriendtoinformheraboutyourmoveto
anewplace.Writeherwhyyoumovedanddescribeaboutthenewplaceand
invitehertovisityou.
Answer
DearSmita,
IamwritingtoletyouknowthatImovedfromKensingtontoStratifiedaweekago.I
feelsorelievedtogetagoodunitnearmyoffice.
Asyouknow,Ihadtospendabout3hourseachdayintravellingtoandfromthework.
IrregularityofbusservicesinKensingtonwasagreatproblemforme.Iusuallyusedto
getlateforworkthoughIleavefromhomeearly.Itcausednegativeimpressionand
createdriskforlosingmyjob.So,Idecidedtomove.
FromStratified,ittakesmeonly30minutestomywork.Shoppingcomplexisnearby
andmyunitisabout5minuteswalkfromthestation.Soitisasaferplaceforustolive
incomparisontothatofKensingtonwhereIhadtowalkforabout15minutesfrombus
stop.

Comment: havemoved

Comment: usedtoleave
Comment: inthemindofmy
employer
Comment: reach

Iwouldlovetoshowyoumynewapartment.Whydontyoucomehereforlunchon
comingweekendandspendawholedayhere?
Lookingforwardtohearingfromyou.
Comment: missingcomma

Withlove
Word Count: 177 words
Teacher's comments:
The essay is quite good. It has been well arranged with good ideas. Student
has clearly displayed the understanding of writing informal letters. However,
better vocabulary use and more structured sentences could have helped in
getting higher bands.
Estimated Band Score 6.5
Suggestions:
Use more vocabulary in your sentences. e.g. (commuting to office place had
been a big hazard for me. / My new accommodation is in proximity to my
office.) Proof read the letter in order to eliminate mistakes.

Letter#3
Task
Youhaveapenfriendlivinginanothercountryandhe/sheiscurioustolearn
aboutthemajornewsitemsinyourcountry.
Answer
DearSam,
Iamsorry,ihavntbeenwritingyouforsuchalongtime.Irememberinyourlastletter
youhavementionedcurrentaffairsandmanyothergossipsaboutyourcountry.Nowits
myturn.
AsyouknowthatIndiaisoneofthehottestcountry,andsummersaregoingonthese
days.Manyofthepoorpeoplewithoutshelteraredyingbecauseofextremelyhot
atmosphere.Recessionseemstobeacalamityinthecountryandleadstoaterrible
blowonpeoplesjobsaswellaspropertyrates.MybusinessisgoingdownasimaReal
Estateagent.Anyway,Thereisaclamourofpoliticiansontheroads,theyarebeingso
nicethesedays,inordertogetthevotesfromthepublic.
IndianteamsnameresoundedallovertheworldregardingitsvictoryonEnglandinthe
worldcup.Governmenthasmadestrictlegislatesagainstthedisparitybetween
religionsandcasts.Togetridofheavypollution,especiallyinmetrocities,manyofthe
carswhichrunonbatteriesareavailableinthemarket.Guesswhat?Iboughtone.
DoletmeknowifyouplantovisitIndiainyouupcomingholidays.Takegoodcareof
yourself,beintouch.GivemygreetingstoUncleandAunty.
Withlove,
InderGrewal.
Word Count 214
Teacher's comments:
Letter is well written. Student has displayed a good understanding of writing
informal letters. Use of vocabulary is fine. Grammatical knowledge is good.
However, coherence and cohesion could have been improved by using
connectives.
Estimated Band Score 7.0
Do not forget to proof read your Task after finishing it.
Avoid using (dont , havent) and use (do not, have not)

Comment: I
Comment: havenot

Comment: Iam
Comment: there

Comment: religionandcaste