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Google Woman
Q. What do women and Google have in common?
A. They both cant ever let you finish a sentence without making a
suggestion.
My wife was complaining the other day saying that I never take her
anywhere expensive anymore. So I said come on, get in the car were going
to the petrol station.
When I was a kid my dad used to beat me with his camera, I still have flashbacks.
Cant believe how long my wife and kids spend on eBay. Its been weeks and
still nobody has made a bid for them.
A scientific survey recently revealed a horrifying statistic that 25% of the
women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That means that
75% of women are running around untreated!
My clever friend said that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So
I threw a coconut in his face.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit
salad.
People are really strange. When you scream in a library they tell you to shut
up but when you do it on an airplane everyone joins in.
Had a strange dream last night where I ate a gigantic marshmallow. When i
woke up my pillow was missing.
I recently got an alcohol tester fitted to my wallet to make sure I dont drink
too much when Im driving. Its a picture of my wife, when she starts looking
good I know Ive had too much.
Just started reading a book about anti-gravity. Its impossible to put down.
How come everyone loves it when when a magician makes stuff disappear
but when an airline pilot does it everyone freaks out?
After hours of thinking Ive finally decided on my new years resolution
1920 x 1080
What do you get if you cross a motorway with a flock of sheep?
A flock of dead sheep.