guns feel much heavier when youre carrying them,

i must say.

i blew his head up. after the blast, i blanked out.

i saw my pastpresentfuture wrapped up in a single flash.
i dont know what i saw.
i only know guns feel much heavier when
you are the one killing.
i started running. i had to.

images come back to my mind as i run faster.

i look to my hands. punching his face left red strokes on my knuckles.
there is snow all around me now. but the blood drops on the white.
and everything is grey - me, the ground and the sky.
why did i?
why did i kill?
why did i run? why anything at all?
i am just running and where i am going answers
dont seem to be.
i dont even know where i am going. i am just running.
because ive killed and i know why.
i know it felt good and
that scares me
now i dont feel anything.
that scares me too
i started running, i repeat.
i had to.
why did i? ive killed a man and that is scary.
that is why i am running.
but i dont know where to go.

who was that man i killed?

was he a devil?
his head fell to his chest as a broken rusty jack-in-the-box.
and then there was a lot of blood.
a lot.
why?
i am just//
i am running.
i am running out of myself.
was he a father?
was he a man?

the past feels much heavier when you are killing.

his washedupscum face must be pretty messed up now.

did he deserve that?
i think he did.
am i happy now?

i had to, i repeat.

why am i dizzy?
my pastpresentfuture wrapped up in a single blast of a gun
through someones brain. less than a blink of an eye.
i didnt blink when i killed him though.
i think