Death of Amir

I woke up in darkness. It was almost like nothingness like a void. My hairs started to
stand up on the back of neck. I stood up and tried to maintain my balance. It felt as though I was
naked, and floating in thin air. Hello? I muttered. No response. Was I really dead? I thought, as
I began to trudge forward. My last memory was on my flight to peshawar, visiting Rahim Khan.
The plane didnt crash, no, I landed. This was just a dream. I was just sleeping. I tried as hard
as I could to just remember what happened, but there were only a few thoughts that came to
mind. They were the flashbacks of my life. I thought of Baba, Soraya, but most importantly
Hassan. My stomach began to churn. If I was dead, then was there even an afterlife? Would I
be able to go back and tell the truth to Hassan? I shook my head, and tried to get the thoughts
out. HELLO! I screamed, but my voice cut out. My body froze, and I started to panic.
Then something id never seen before happened. The darkness turned to a thick dark
red, that reminded me of blood. The air became musty, and as the darkness started to lighten
up, I saw that I was in a tight corridor. But in front of me, was a huge field of dead grass that
looked like it went on forever.
Out of thin air, a humongous gate had appeared. The gate had human-like shadows on
it, and there was claw marks that covered its entirety. I felt tears start to trickle down my face. I
studied a bit of catholicism in my lifetime when I lived in America, and it didnt take me long to
realize that this was the infamous hells gate.
Then the gate had began to open. I cupped my hands over my ears as the screech
intensified. It reminded me of when moalem Khoshat used to screech her long fingernails on the
chalkboard when the class had was disruptive. Though it was that multiplied by a thousand.
The gate was now fully opened, and I only had the feeling of dread, not knowing of what was to
come next.
A figure wearing iron armor came shooting out of the gate. As it began to come closer
into view, I saw that it was a man. He had a long neck with stitches bulging out, as though his
head had been cut off. He was tall, built, and his face had a menacing, yet sad look upon it.
I am Macbeth, Porter of Hell! He roared. I tried to run, yet my body held me in place. I
was in shock.
Please have mercy upon me I choked out. In hindsight, those werent the best first
words to say in that situation. Macbeths pale face met my eyes as if I was the sun and he was
the moon.
YOU MUST ATONE FOR YOUR SINS! He screamed, as he had started to choke me.
He lifted me up until my face turned purple, and threw me back down against the grass. I
gasped for air, and started to feel a sense of claustrophobia. You have tried to justify your sins,
and that has turned you into a horrible and sick man Macbeth said, as he gazed down upon
me.I wouldnt even call you a man he said, just an ignorant child. A child in a mans body,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND, PLEASE STOP THIS!
Macbeth shook his head. That was your choice. That weight on your shoulders has lead
you to inner turmoil
Inner turmoil I whispered under my breathe, as I began to realize what he was talking
about. How could I be so naive?

That wasnt my fault, I answered back. The things that I did in the past are over with. I
courageously spat out. I couldnt possibly understand how I was able to talk to this beast of a
man, but the things that I had on my mind at the time were beginning to fly out of my mouth.
Tell yourself that again!! Macbeth snapped back at me. I dare you. He began to
change his posture, and I could tell that he was getting more riled up than before. The past is a
reminder of our mistakes,
All the emotions from that situation came flowing back into me, like I was at the bottom
of a stream and the current had just hit me.This entity had triggered something inside of my
body. 40 years of my life, and I still cant forget. My voice cracked out, as I began to sob. I was
taught that time erased memories,I was taught that time had the power to make you forget. I
was taught wrong.
I was once like you too. I tried to justify my sins after killing my king, Duncan. I tried to
blame my wife and these witches for their manipulation and equivocation. I tried to not take
responsibility for my actions, but I knew that it was wrong, Macbeth stood in silence, staring at
the ground. I knew that it was wrong, but that didnt stop me. You have a chance to act in those
situations. We both failed to act. He pulled out his sword, and I panicked. I dropped my guard
though as he began to sharpen it with a stone. It was almost as if he was trying to take his mind
off of what he was just talking about. Nevermind about my past, youre the one of trial he said
with a cold look.
But what if Hassan had accepted my apology? I quivered out. No matter what Macbeth
said, I tried to ignore it. I wasnt in the wrong here. If I played my cards right, then maybe id be
able to apologize to Hassan when I found him, when I woke up from this horrible dream. No, not
dream- this nightmare. It was all too real though. The pain that I felt while I was getting
strangled, the vivid detail on the gate. It was like a lucid dream. Subconsciously I was telling
myself that I was dead, it was a feeling that I simply just couldnt put into words. That was
absurd. This Macbeth was a figment of my imagination.
Macbeth Laughed. You and I both died without taking the weight off our chests. Were
both failures. Just because he mayve accepted your apology doesn't change the fact that you
tried to repress it and let it go. Youre a coward Amir. I hope you enjoy hell.
I was starting to be sucked up into the gate. WAIT! I screamed. I REGRET
EVERYTHING, I AM SORRY I TRULY AM! I scrambled i words, but it had done the job. The
suction had suddenly stopped. This mans mercy had just saved me. I had fell to my knees to
show a sign of respect
If youre truly sorry, then you shall atone! he demanded.
I blanked out. I couldnt describe what happened next. It felt as if I was being beamed
up, into a spaceship, like the old Kabul cinema. I felt as though I was trapped in a cocoon, but
emerged into the light as a butterfly. I opened my eyes and felt a warm sensation. I was still
standing, but this time instead of the claustrophobic corridor and dead plain of field, I saw a
plain of this majestic and colourful grass. It was a polar opposite from where I just came from.
Amir agha? A voice rang into my ears from behind me.
I turned around, jaw dropped, and eyes widened. I saw the little Hazara boy that I had
been friends with so many years ago. Except he wasnt a boy now but a grown man. It was
Hassan.Has- I choked out.

Hassan had smiled.You look different, but you grew up to be very handsome. Hassan
said, laughing. I blushed. Did this mean that Hassan had died?
You- I awkwardly choked out again. This was one of the only times in my life where I
was full blown speechless. The detail in Hassans face. It was so real. The saggy dark lines
under Hassans eyes, his darkened skin. Everything so damn real.
Hassan had began to walk towards me. I stepped back. You know Amir, he continued
You dont need to be afraid to have a conversation with me, Ive always looked up to you
Stop it Hassan! I said sternly. Youre too humble. I sighed. A smirk began to form on
my face. Was I really feeling nostalgia? Im sorry Hassan I blurted out.
I accept your apology, but that was long ago Agha, He said this so flatly, that I had to
strain to hear him.
Well, now that youve accepted my apology, then I guess that ive atoned right? I said.
Youre not at peace with yourself, Amir. I can see it in your eyes. Hassan said looking at
me.
I unexpectedly became engulfed in rage WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME DAMNIT, I
TRIED TO FORGE- I stopped myself. I never told anyone about what happened because I
was scared to. You wouldnt let me get even with you, and that made me so mad. 25 years later,
and im still mad about that. I confessed. I looked down upon you, but I knew that you were my
best friend. To this day, I still try to imagine what itd be like if it didnt turn out like the way it did.
Maybe you, I, and even Baba couldve been living in the States right now.
Baba.. Hassan said under his breath. I knew that you saw me and Assef that day, Amir
agha. I knew that you tried to frame me for a crime I didnt commit.
We stood there in silence for a long time, both trying to process what was said. It felt as
though Hassan was looking into my soul. It was like he was trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle, but
couldnt find the last piece.
I was about to break the silence, but got interrupted.Amir? a voice asked from behind
me. I turned around and it was Baba. Beside him was a man I didnt know. The man was
wearing an old fancy suit. He had golden hair that was slicked back with gel, with a smug, yet
friendly look on his face. It was your time this soon? Baba sighed with a look of disappointment
on his face. Without even giving me the time to answer, he asked another question. Tell me
Amir, did you have a son?That was the last question I wanted to answer right now. An Afghans
pride, their legacy.
I dont get a hello Baba? I awkwardly joked with a sheepish smile. I looked at Hassan
again. He was spaced out. I wonder what he was thinking at that moment. Even now, I could
never guess.
Amir! Baba snapped me back in. Hassan has told me everything. My heart sank.
What would Baba think about me?
So you know about the-
I know about how you lied to me to get Hassan and Ali kicked out of our house He
angrily interrupted me. Know this Amir, I will never forgive you, for the things you did. It wasnt
only how you didnt stand up for him when he was raped, He pointed at Hassan But how you
used the thing that I hated the most, to take Hassan and Ali out of our lives.
Im sor- I cried out

NO! NO SORRYS. ALI DIED TO A LANDMINE, HASSAN WAS SHOT IN THE BACK
OF THE HEAD BY TALIBAN, AND YOU TRY TO SAY SORRY LIKE IT WILL MAKE A
DIFFERENCE? YOU STOLE THEIR LIVES. Baba yelled.
I started to hyperventilate. The man next to Baba came racing over to me, and put his
hands on my shoulders as I fell. Calm down ol sport, He said to me, then turned to Baba
Jesus you couldnt have been more subtle? I dont remember how I was able to calm myself,
but I did. Perhaps it was the embarrassment of doing this in front of a stranger--- Or maybe it
was a new acceptance of the person I was, and am now.
Stop crying, youre still my son. Now tell me, did you have me a grandson? Baba asked
No Baba. I said in a calm and relaxed voice.
I then blanked out again, and suddenly found myself in the dead grass. The man in
armor or Macbeth was leaning against the humongous gate once again. He began to pull me
in towards him.
No more conversation, its beginning to bore me. I will now judge you Macbeth said in a
low voice. Deep down youve accepted who you are, but you still havent gotten justice for your
sins, I started to feel a heavy pain in my stomach, like my stomach weighed down by a boat
anchor that I had just ate. He began to start sharpening his sword again, and became less
tense. You stopped trying to justify the things that youve done, so I will let you go. A wave of
relief came over me, But.. Macbeth continued. I started to feel that heavy pain in my stomach
again. I wanted this to be over with. You will not be able to see anyone of your past again.
WAIT WHAT? THAT MAKES NO SENSE, TELL ME WHY? I Screamed.
That is my judgement Macbeth declared, as he began to proceed back in the huge
gate. He then vanished into the gate leaving nothing behind but a trail of dread.
I used to think that id wake up from this nightmare. I never do wake up though. Ive
come to realize that there is nothing I couldve done to prevent that situation. With Baba, the
man in armour. Ive looked over every little part and ive analyzed it over a hundred times. I
knew what everyone was thinking but Hassan. I still write to this day. There isnt a point. I wont
be able to release a best-selling novel. I wont be able to hold Soraya in my arms again. I didnt
even think that I resolved things with my past, I just complicated them. The past is a chore, and
the future holds nothing.