Musings

and feels
trips
To the reader,
This is the first book that I am publishing. Please feel
free to comment and send me reviews at
soumikhlder@gmail.com. Your comment is extremely
valuable to me.

A special thanks to Ritrika Sasmal

for making this happen.

- Soumik Halder

Music

Bright like the Sun glowed lights in and out of the opera,
Musicians lined up in suits and instruments of all era,
With a plethora of sheets and paucity of soul,
Paper plays mind, melodies in heart dark as coal.
A little far away, a soccer field with a stage,
Yet a little space; holds a gathering of people,
Vision searching performers, as every person enrage,
Dancing on popular tunes, the music here is only a maze.
Distant from the attraction,
Amongst a nature of fiction,
A rigged violin plays atonal clusters,
A herd of drosophila dances together;
Under the moonlight brightening the theatre,
With no audience, and a lonesome player.
His thoughts know no bounds,
A hungry soul crying out loud,
Mind plays scribbles in his heart,
For hours and hours, it lasts.
Audiences applaud for the final time, the stage must vacate,
Musicians caught between uncountable hands at the gate.
Autographs, pictures and compliments for what they entertain,
They are stars of today, masses are certain.
The little boy plays alone,
No ears hear his tune,
With anger, he stares at the strings,
That for so long in solitude rings.
His chapped fingers sore and red,
No food, no friends but the music he made.
He throws away his violin as the flies wander away,
The gift of music falls on a brook and floats away.
"Back to the mines, Poor Richard," he says,
"Music is not for you if you want to survive today."

Winter is here

Winter is here, I cannot feel the Sun,

My tears are frosty now, they do not run.
Looking at the monotonous white, you sip some wine,
Silence is a routine until you hear me crying.
"My blood plays some tunes, but my heart beats another rhythm.
Mind circles fog at noon, reality and instincts are in schism."
You let out your arms wide open, invite me into your peace
palace,
You realise I was burning hot and there's no solace,
Yet you let me here to stay, gave me love and affection without me
having to say.
They are building a snowman today; it has ice all the way,
But both of us are warm now, and you say this is how we should
stay.
We sip some wine together; you hide your face in my chest,
You feel it beat faster than fish gills without water,
It was still dead inside and love scared me again.
Your eyes sparked in front of mine, until your lips touched mine.
You hugged me so tight, no air between us, and it was divine.
It was two of us or just one, I was confused,
As you whispered in my ears, "I love you."
I was happy and my life seemed so perfect,
I hugged you tighter and the light grew brighter,
The morning Sun fell on my eyes,
I woke up and there you were in front of me with smiles.
And for a moment there I was afraid I lost you,
But then my day again started with a warm text from you.

So Far Away

Shivers my skin, a foggy chill, morning

perspiration, dewy wet and cool.
Sun bathes the sky; fairness fills the
limitless horizon, no borders, and
unbound rule.
Leaves write odes in their awakening,
birds chirrup them rhythmically.
Lilies kiss the air in their awakening,
sweet dreams fade away slowly.
A colourful scene flushes my hazy eyes,
it's vivid, and Im pensive.
You were a treasure glowing inside my
eyelids shut,
And now I see my relic in my arms; my
peaceful, affectionate part.
I try to touch your head, comb your hair,
kiss your forehead,
But you disappear in air, my mind is
tangled.
Every day passes by, I keep longing for
your presence,
From this distant land, with dreams and
your essence.

In silence, you dream

Endless yellow arid land, with no water but

Sun,
No water quenches thirst, heat causes
perspiration.
Keep walking straight, along this road limitless,
No map in your possession, all around you,
still and lifeless.
Do you dream of cold and the fog, Wait until
dusk;
You will breathe out warmth, like in beaches
you bask.
In silence, you dream, an escape to a lost
river,
Invites your imagination, stronger you
quiver.
There are food and wine, in a hundred
tables lined,
Your benighted lost friends and foes seem
kind.
Candles in lamps, they lead way into the
darkness,
The fragrance of flowers and women entice
your senses.

But curtains catch fire, tablecloth starts

burning,
Your dreamy paradise, in swirly smoke, is
fading.
A moment of truth flashes your eyes,
Wakes your senses, the reasons that make
you thrive;
Your blood is warm and your skin cries,
A lone admirer you are, you have to walk
and survive.

Lament

Lamenting my time, I lie distressed on my bed,

Eyes open, I slip a blanket up from my feet to head.
Agony flashes as my light in the darkness of suffering,
In hunger, I ate myself to keep me from sleeping.
Forcing gasps of life through my bleeding lungs,
I remember the ordeal of my afflictions,
They torment me in my nightmare of emotions,
My greed has led to moribund me without cautions.
I hold in another breath,
I wish this time I meet death.
Choke and be free from my pain.
Hey Satan, I deserve all guilt accolades,
Why do you still disdain?
Seven months since, I eat sleeping pills,
My ears hear screams, loud and shrill.
Erodes my skin, leaves scars on my body,
That smile at me, the only vision that's happy.
Swallow me my pillow; let death come be my fellow.
Sink me in my endless sorrow, which I indulgently
wallow.
My eyes are deep-seated and forlorn,
And my thoughts are shallow,
Our whole race will be me soon, I know.
I hold in another breath,
I wish this time I meet death.
Choke and be free from my pain,
And yet again, I have failed to slay myself.

Repugnant as a
creature

I complicate juxtaposed benevolence,

Repugnant as a creature, a bewildered
illusion.
My stiffness is like exorbitant shivers,
A curse of all the unsurpassed antsy.
I planted a hum deep inside our brain,
That rhymes like ecstatic fairy tales,
Not long until your senses submit to it,
And get replaced by a plethora of utter
darkness.
Feel the warm chills until agony starts
feeding upon you,
Break your mirrors before your nails leave
scars on you.
There is no corner to hide, no poison to let
you die,
You are too heavy for a rope, and too light
to dope.
Trace back to when you were safe,
Unhappy you were, but undead.
Until you entered this maze,
And now you are trapped, there's no
getaway.

Intricate trips

Out of all the herbs you warm,

A leaf slips into your evening tea;
You have no idea what is wrong,
Swarms invade your brain, there's no
remedy.
Crimson eyes, burning lips,
Heartbeats rise, give me more intricate
trips.
Abnormal thirst and your delirium,
Leads you to chase the open window
sills.
The sky you see outside maybe blue,
But it won't heal your pharynx.
Crimson eyes, burning lips,
Heartbeats rise, more intricate trips.
Ornate music entices your soul,
Your mind desires every lyrical role.
Time passes by closing all your doors,
Until you don't know what is left of you.
Teary eyes, fumbling lips,

Heart beats numb, more intricate trips.

Barge that departed

A fleet of clouds flow steadily with the wind at storm, just like your life
and vision,
And you sit still under an air conditioner, windows sealed, watching your
hands work at unison.
There's a cloak in the air, pretty invisible and silent everywhere,
And there are time showing hopes and dreams, so beautiful and fair.
Do you see the stars at night, or,
A sunrise when the sky is just about bright?
Yet you dream of lying down on a carpet of fine fescue at midnight to
watch your favorite constellation,
Or relishing the unique moment when the morning Sun caresses your
face lying by your loved one.
There's an incessant fragrance that tingles your senses,
An unceasing series of words that blinds your sight,
You are alive to visions that cause dissension between tenses,
Sheer folly breaking promises of the past paradise.
You are on a barge that departed on a river among sand,
With an illusion of water you sail with a paddle to your dreamland.
You wake up to the voices as your canoe starts to toil,
In the midst of a barren sea where your dreams recoil.
In a horrid scream you search for a way to escape,
You pedal backwards, but to no avail,
All this movement was by the oil on an engine now thirsty,
The work on your sail was just another sadistic folly.
Your journey entails you to a heaven unreal,
It's noon now, there's no roof over your head,
They pull final gasps of culminated energy from your arid soul,
All your resources turn dry, for life you're too old.

Abandon

Abandon! Abandon! Burning houses, steam

streets!
Alarms every room, acid clusters inside, when
every lung breathes.
Monsters look scared; they have gathered their
fleets
Quick now normal beings, right to survive
belongs only to a few elites.
Slash to make you way, release the beast within,
Show caliber for masters will choose the best
dog to feed,
Others will eventually quit barking.
And then you get to ride a canoe, swipe the
water before the sails of your master,
The waste water before you clogs your way,
But you vie with other loyalties, to become the
best duster.
Not long, before the sea turns irksome,
Waves overpower our propellers; do they start to
look cumbersome?
Oh poor soul, tired you are, eyes are wary,
Dark nights and thunderstorms pass by, but you
are not yet scary.
Moments later a splash of salt water wakes up
your dim eyes,
You realize you are where you have abandoned,
And with nature, you have died.
Sights around you, lonely and destroyed,
Whom will you fight now brave heart, the
battlefield is now void!

Your heart still chores to run away and abandon

the grave,
But where will you row now, sailor, for all you
see, are dead waves!

Mother

(Child)
Hey, mother, I'm right by your side. I know what you're
trying to hide.
Don't you cry, I will take care of you. Don't you worry; I
won't let it hurt you. I'll keep you healthy and safe.
Hey, mother, I've locked the doors. I've curtained all
our small windows. Its summer but I know you feel
cold.
It's so airy but I've stopped its flow your son will keep
you warm as you sleep. He will gently rub your
forehead until you're asleep with your dreams.
(Mother)
I feel you, my angel, you're falsely hurt, dont you cry
baby, and Im fine,
Do I look like iron rust? It's just an impression of
ageing.
Nothing you should worry about anyhow, I have lived
like this for several years now.
Pardon me, sweet child, I couldn't feed you tonight,
Please heat the bread in the oven,
Don't burn yourself; be careful, since the fire might;
I will wait for you to sink into my arms, baby Sven.
The oven beeped thrice, a bitter odor filled the room.
Teardrops dripped from her eyes, her heart turned
finer and cold.
They say, all that we are loved in this life, is how bright
our stars shine.
Each night I search for you in the clouds, and silence
replies to my weeping heart sounds.

Mother, I still burn my food before I eat, my empty

hugs dream to be echoed your heart beat,
Will you come back to me if I close my eyes? Will we
still be the same before you close your eyes?