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 Table of Contents

Summary
1. Chapter 1
2. Chapter 2
3. Chapter 3
4. Chapter 4
5. Chapter 5
6. Chapter 6
7. Chapter 7
8. Chapter 8
9. Chapter 9
10. Chapter 10
11. Chapter 11
12. Chapter 12
13. Chapter 13
14. Chapter 14

-3-
 Summary

I'm not vulnerable beneath his eyes, because I'm always beneath his eyes. Our
entire public relationship consists of sneaky looks and quiet warmness. And when
we are alone, we're usually fucking or fighting over the remote. E/J slash. Best
Comedy B/S 2.0

-4-
 Chapter 1

I do not own Twilight.

McFearless

Edward

"It'll be like I never existed." I bringing the neck of my beer bottle to my mouth,
taking a swig raising my eyebrows at her.

She looks ready to murder a motherfucker.

"Are you serious? Like you never existed? You're drunk." She crosses her arms
over her chest.

Bella is right, I'm fucking rocked, but I saw what I saw, and what I saw was my
girlfriend of two years hugged up on that douche-bag Embry Call. Even though I'm
fucking raging inside, I smile. She hates that I smile when we fight, but we're not
fighting, we're breaking up.

She can go do a rain dance around a totem pole with that motherfucker for all I
fucking care.

"Can we go inside, I'm cold?"

Kicking a rock, I stumble over the laces of my boots. "Do whatever you fucking
want, B. You're none-" I point a finger into my own chest. "-of my concern."

"Edward!"

"Shut up. I don't exist." Speaking into my beer bottle, I walk away from my own
house. Fuck her. Fuck all of them. High school will be over in a week, and in three
weeks I'll be in California attending USC. I'll never look back.

It'll be like Forks never existed; except when I have to come home for the holidays

-5-
and visit the parentals, then it will exist, but other than that

"Please come back!" Bella is chasing me.

She grabs my wrist.

"Bella," I groan, dropping my beer; glass shatters onto the muddy drive way.

"I'm sorry! I don't want to break up." She bites on to her bottom lip, stuttering.

"It was never going to work anyways, B. You're going to Brown, and I'm going to
California." She sure in hell went to brown cheating ass.

Now she's crying. I'm sick and tired of her fucking crying. She always cries.

"How long have you been fucking around with him?" I ask, pulling my arm away.

Wiping the tears from her face, she won't look at me.

"Answer me, B." I walk backwards while anger is boils in my blood. Something
tells me I don't want to know the answer to this question.

Bella continues to cry. She doesn't stop me from walking away so I turn my back
towards her and head back to my house. The closer I get, the louder the music is.
Parents are gone for the weekend, and they left me with permission to have a small
group of friends over. I would be in deep shit if they were here; there are people
everywhere. Sitting on my moms couches and on her counter tops. Red cups are set
everywhere, and I swear to fuck, if those are bubbles I'm killing someone.

Ignoring the bullshit, grabbing my ice chest from the kitchen, I head up to my
room to be alone and wallow in my own self pity. Bella might be a fucking cheater,
but she was my girl and this all hurts a little.

When I reach my room, I drop the ice chest to the floor, kick the door closed with
my foot, and turn my iPod on. Opening a beer, I lie on my bed and adjust my ear
phones. Closing my eyes, I don't think about her.

Three hours later, I'm thinking about her, my night stand is full of empty beer
bottles, and I have to piss like a fucking race horse.

I'm not crying - I got something in my eye.

-6-
 Stumbling off my bed, everything in my room is spinning to the left. Pulling my ear
phones out, I throw them onto the bed. Rubbing my eyes and tugging on my hair, I
feel a little sick. I make it to the bathroom and whip my dick out. I try to aim for the
toilet but I piss on the seat, on the wall, on the lid.

I'm fucked up.

Shoving my d-piece back into my jeans, I wash my face and run my fingers through
my hair, causing it stand up and look messy like it's supposed to. Looking at my
eyes, they're blood shot and heavy. My entire face has a haggard look going on. I
look fucking sad.

That cheating bitch made me sad. Note-to-self: next time your girl cheats on you
and spits on your heart do not listen to Sia and drink yourself into oblivion, this only
makes matters worse. Another note-to-self: delete Sia from your iPod before your
friends find out and call you a fag

I kick the bathroom door open; I put so much effort into that twat! I gave her
whatever the fuck she wanted, and she ends up fucking the native from La Push?
Bitch.

Accidentally pushing all of the empty beer bottles off my nightstand, I grab two
more full ones and head back downstairs. You would think since I broke up with her,
since I caught her cheating on me, that Bella would leave, right?

Wrong.

Time to wipe your vagina and grow a pair, Edward.

"Why in the fuck are you still here?" I throw my beer bottle at the wall above her
head.

Glass shatters, beer spills, she cowers the entire party gasps. I open my other
beer and take a drink. Walking through my house, kicking shit over, I turn the
stereo off. I yell for everyone to get the fuck out.

No one moves, they just stare at me like I'm the fucking idiot, so I yell again and
throw another beer bottle; they finally scatter. Bella is crying, she hasn't moved
from the couch so I go over to her.

"Leave," I spit.

-7-
 "Edward"

"Leave."

She doesn't move. She has beer in her hair and this shit makes me laugh.

"Leave."

Nada.

"Bella, leave."

Nope. She doesn't move.

"Fine."

Moving behind the couch, I tell everyone to get the fuck out of the way, and with
all the muscle I can get my lushy ass to use, I move the motherfucker to the door.
She's screaming like a chick, crying and begging for forgiveness.

Opening the door, going back behind the couch, I lift and I dump her ass out on
the front porch. She doesn't fall, she stumbles. I still laugh.

Slamming the door in her face, a few people are gathering their shit. My house is a
fucking mess, but right about now I really don't give a fuck. Going into the kitchen,
the counters are littered with half full beers and half empty liquor bottles. I grab the
tallest one; it has blue birds on it.

"Jazz!" I yell, knowing that fucker is still here.

I turn the vodka bottle upside down in my mouth. Fuck, this shit burns.

"Jasper!" I yell again, coughing my breath is like fire.

Sitting at the kitchen table, a random bag of Doritos is spilled across my mother's
precious oak. I eat one. Salsa Verde; my favorite.

"You're such a dick, Edward." Jasper laughs, pulling the chair out beside me. He
takes the vodka bottle from my hands, swigging coughing like a douche.

Coughing like me.

-8-
 "What did I do?" Chips are crunchy.

"I was getting my piece sucked by Alice until Bella came in crying, saying that she
really needs a friend. The rest is history." He takes another drink.

That bitch came back into my house after I dumped her on the porch?

"Sorry," I mumble bitterly.

I should have had Bella suck me off before I kicked her out. It's the least she could
have done. Deceitful skank.

"I tried to tell you about her."

Glaring. "Shut the fuck up."

Imitating my voice, Jasper makes me sound like a chick: "No dude, Bella would
never do that."

"Fuck off, Jazz," I warn him between gritted teeth.

"God, you're such a vagina." He laughs, tossing back another drink.

Standing up, I kick my chair away. He's my best friend but I'm way too fucking
bitter and way too fucking drunk to be having him rub this shit in my face.

"What are you going to do? Hit me?" Jasper is still laughing. Now he's eating my
motherfucking chips.

I attack.

Slamming into him from the side, my left arm hooks around his neck and my right
fist connects with his upper chest and lower face. We fall to the kitchen floor; I
manage to keep my arm around him and I keep the dominant position by straddling
his stomach and punching him with both fists.

Jasper swings back, hitting me in the arm and in the ribs, but he's in a fucked up
spot, and he can't reach shit.

"You stupid fuck!" I keep hitting him until his lip is bleeds. Now I feel bad. "Oh,
shit. Sorry, dude."

-9-
 He gives me about three seconds to feel bad before he sits up, tossing me onto my
back and jumping on top of me. I watch as his fists come down onto my face. I'm so
fucking drunk that I don't feel much, but one thing I do feel

Jasper in between my legs.

This is an awkward position to be in. When he threw me on my back, Jasper

jumped between my legs. He's punching me in my face, which tells me that he's
angry, but his schlong, that is noticeably hard, tells me something completely
different.

And I feel weird.

Like disgusted weird; my best friend is rubbing his dick all over mine, weird.
Intentional or not, I feel distressed, but maybe that's only because it kind of feels
okay...

It's my broken heart talking.

I like chicks; vagina's are my thing. Jasper's cock is gross, right?

Right.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Jasper stops punching me, he's breathing heavily, holding
himself up with his hands that are so intimately placed on each side of my head.
"Why did you stop fighting back?"

Now I'm hard, and I feel really fucking weird because our dicks are touching
through our pants.

The rational part of my brain is screaming for me to get the fuck out of dodge - run
and never come back. The irrational part of my brain is telling me to just go with it.
Which is peculiar because my dick is listening to the irrational part of my brain.

Fuck this, I'm not gay.

Jasper's not gay; we do girls, we like pussy. We, well, I've only had Bella's pussy
for the last two years, but Jasper, he gets a lot of it. Jazz and I watch porno
heterosexual porno. We used to stay up when we were ten and watch HBO after
dark.

We like tits.
- 10 -
 Not dicks.

So I close eyes, squeeze those motherfuckers closed tight and stay completely still.
Jasper remains between my legs, and I wondering if by playing dead I'm giving
mixed signals?

Are there even signals?

Does he even realize we're crossing swords?

Maybe it's all in my head. I am a man scorned by the way; we don't think
rationally, and I've already covered that this shit is all irrational.

By having my eyes closed, does Jasper take this as I want his schlong pressed
against mine? Or am I sending a message that says: I'm dead motherfucker, away
with the peen.

I'm confused, and feel awkward this is weird but not necessarily unpleasant.

What does that mean?

Jasper is kind of a girly-man; he gets manicures and shit. I swear to God, he gets
blonde highlights in his hair. He claims to be a natural blonde but I've known J since
we were five and that shit used to be light brown. He has a nice ass, even I've
noticed that. He wears this one pair of jeans that just hug his ...

Wait.

Does this mean that I'm a girly-man because I'm thinking about Jasper's ass in
tight jeans?

Nah.

I've never considered sticking my junk in the brown eye before. Especially
Jasper's, but this feels good.

This is odd.

I can feel his breath on my face, on my ear why is he breathing near my ear?
Did he just hump me again? Was that some kind of courtesy hump?

Is he fucking with me?

- 11 -
 He's fucking with me.

He wants me to hump him back so he can jump up, point fingers and call me a fag.

Fuck, he smells good.

I'm stiff.

Not only my piece, but my entire body, I can feel Jasper above me. He sighs loudly.
I'm afraid so I keep my eyes shut but then I feel his lips.

On my fucking neck!

I feel tongue over my fucking Adams apple.

My breathing is inconsistent. My heart is beating quickly. My brain is going

insane. I'm confused, but I cannot deny how nice his lips feel. I even moan a little.

Blame it on the alcohol.

"Jasp" I manage to moan the first syllable of his name.

Because lips are on my lips.

It feels nice.

Softer than I would have thought, if I would have ever thought. Jasper tastes like
Vodka, but he also tastes like lust

I'm lusting for Jasper.

I must be drunk.

His tongue touches my bottom lip. Gasping, he takes advantage of my breathless

outburst and sticks the entire motherfucker inside of my mouth and it feels nice.

I can't quite make my mouth function. My palms are flat on the kitchen floor. I'm
rigid; receiving but not giving, but he doesn't stop. While he gives me the fucking
kiss of my life, I try to wrack my brain, searching for evidence that suggests that
Jasper is a closet case. Other than the manicure and the highlights. I can't think if a
single thing.

- 12 -
 He plays football, he fucks bitches, he cusses and spits.

If he is gay, does it make me a bigot? Am I stereotyping what a gay male should

act like? Am I gay because I'm hard and not telling him to stop kissing me?

I think about vagina real quick - my dick twitches.

Yep, I still like girls.

Jasper humps me; my dick does a fucking back flip.

What does that mean?

Jasper's tongue swirls in my mouth. Biting my lip, he kisses my lips two more
times before sucking along my jaw, nibbling down my neck. Then he hitches my leg
over his hip, giving me one strong hump. I'm up on my feet with my back against the
kitchen wall.

I used to hitch Bella's leg over my hip; if I'm gay now I'm definitely not the chick.

Fuck that.

Jasper is on his knees, hand in his hair. He looks just as confused as I am. My
heartbeat is shaking my entire body, blood rushing through my ears. Jasper blows
out a huge breath. I'm stuttering, trying to find words. Suddenly feeling sober, I
don't want to be sober. Grabbing the vodka bottle, I chug, then I cry out because
that shit burned. Then I blush because the vodka tastes like Jasper's lips.

I'm not completely disappointed with Jasper's lips.

"Dude, what the fuck was that?" Is he accusing?

He better not be accusing. He kissed me fucking fa

"Are you," I whisper, "gay?" I ask. Not accusing, just asking just wondering.

Jasper's eyes snap towards mine;, he's pissed. Nostrils flaring, fists fisting, his
blonde fucking highlights shimmer in the kitchen light.

"Fuck you! You're the one who fucking pressed your junk all over me first." Jasper
stands, pointing.

- 13 -
 "Well, I'm not gay." I stand, accusing.

"Neither am I."

"Fine. We're not gay."

Jasper scoffs. "You're the fucking fairy with your highlighted hair."

What did he just say to me?

"Bitch, I don't highlight my fucking hair!"

"The fuck if you don't, that perfect shade of brown and red, that's not natural,
Edward. You get that shit done." He is laughing, and I'm suddenly self-conscious
about my hair.

"You're a fucking queen, Jazz, not me. Look at how your nails shine." Taking
another drink, I feel warm and fuzzy.

"Take it back," he threatens thorough clenched teeth.

I laugh.

"Take it back, Edward!"

I continue to laugh.

"Take that shit back, Edward!"

"Nope. I bet you wear woman's underwear too, huh? You're a total homo." I drink
some more vodka; Jasper pounces.

I run.

Losing the vodka bottle somewhere along the line, I reach my room. Trying to shut
the door with both hands, Jasper slams into the shit, sending me back about three
feet. Standing, bracing, awaiting the blow

It never comes.

But there are lips.

- 14 -
 More fucking lips and I moan.

I'm not really touching him, but his hands are on the sides of my face. He is kissing
me hard. Like fuck hard: teeth hit teeth, tongues battle, and saliva is swapped. This
time I kiss him back; I'm not sure what else I should do.

Because this is weird but not unpleasant.

Jasper is pushing into me. I'm walking backwards. His hands are hooked under the
hem; he's pulling my shirt up

My shirt is off.

My legs hit the bed. I fall back and he is on top of me kissing. We're still kissing
and I'm hard. Extremely, painfully, pulsating hard.

"I draw the line at the leg hitch motherfucker," I breathe lightly, his lips are
traveling down my neck. He bites my fucking collar bone.

Propped up on my elbows, I watch Jasper as he descends towards my jeans. With a

shaky hand, he unbuttons and unzips. Lifting my hips, he pulls, and my jeans are at
my knees; my cock sings a motherfucking symphony and springs to life, hitting
Jasper in the chin.

It's an awkward moment, and I'll bet money that Jasper has never sucked a dick
before. I've had my dick sucked, obviously, but never by a dude. To be completely
fucking honest, I'm not entirely convinced that I would ever blow a guy.

Jasper stares, studying my little man. His eyes cross from looking at the head for
too long.

"Jazz, you don't have to."

He doesn't look at me. He doesn't say a word. Jasper cringes but licks the tip. My
entire body trembles, my head falls back, and my eyes. He is slow, taking his time,
probably battling some type of internal, homophobic demon.

I am.

I think about twat again - my dick twitches. I still like girls. I plan on doing that
every ten minutes or so, just to make sure.

- 15 -
 When I think that Jasper has given up, opening one eye, I take a peek. He looks
determined, and when I feel his mouth cover my junk, I know he's determined. The
moan that escapes my lungs, it's animalistic like savage. It must be this taboo
situation Jasper and I are in because this shit feels better than any blow job Bella
ever gave me.

He isn't putting the entire thing in his mouth, he's hesitant, but his mouth is
strong. Taking me in about half way, when Jasper pulls back, it gives me chills. I'm
sure my mouth is hanging open, watching Jasper giving me a blowy, it's erotic. This
is all wrong. It even feels wrong, but fuck, it feels good. I'm tempted to put my hand
on the back of his head and push my stuff in a little further, but I have to respect
boundaries.

Truth, if I were him and he were me, I'd probably be crying like a little bitch.
Crying and sucking dick is not sexy. What Jasper is doing dead sexy.

Twat.

Twitch.

Not gay.

His eyes are closed, and as the minutes pass he relaxes. In a moment of bravery,
Jasper takes my entire length. My tip hits his throat and I fucking buckle. He laughs,
I buckle again. He's confident after my double buckle. My elbows ache so I drop to
my back and tangle my fingers into Jasper's hair.

He's going fast now, messy as fuck; saliva is leaking onto my balls but this
motherfucking wonderful, in a not-gay-sorta-way.

My stomach burns, there is pressure. My dick twitches, and not because I'm
thinking about pussy but because I'm thinking about Jasper's sexy mouth and I'm
about to cum. As a politeness, I'll let him decide where I jizz.

"Jasper," I moan loudly, thrusting into his mouth accidentally on accident.

This motherfucker smiles with my cock in his mouth. He probably thinks I'm
saying his motherfucking name in the throws of passion; which is only half true.
Douche.

My eyes are clenched shut. I have a closed fist on my forehead and the other is
wrapped in Jasper's hair. The moment is intense; all insecurities on both parts are
- 16 -
out the fucking window. There is only him, me, and my peen. He's taking all of me;
over and over I hit the back of his throat. Teeth glide down my shaft as he pulls
back, tongue swirling around the head before he plunges back down.

He is breathing hard, and I fill the air with an array of profanities.

Jasper holds my hips down, taking me into his throat with out gagging, and he
motherfucking hums.

I don't know if Jasper took Dick Sucking 101, but he is the master at this shit.

"Jazz, unless you want to take a shot to your throat I suggest you stop."
Blasphemy.

After one last hard suck, he pulls away. He doesn't leave me suffering though.
Gripping my dick at the base, he squeezes and pulls the fucking orgasm out of my
stomach. He pumps my shaft, aiming the splurge onto my stomach.

I can't open my eyes, this is the most mind-blowing orgasm I've ever had the
pleasure of experiencing; all I can make my body do is thrust and cuss. My arms
tingle, my lips are numb. I'm sure my toes are curled.

I see stars.

When it's over I am spent, unmoving and confused.

It takes me a moment to regroup myself. Jasper lies on the bed beside me; we are
not touching. His face is indescribable; a mixture of puzzlement and smugness.

"Jazz, can you be a friend and get me something to clean myself off with?" I
nervously laugh.

He looks at me, eyes angry, but what else am I supposed to do after that?

Jasper throws my shirt in my face. I don't particularly want to stain this shirt with
jizz but this is awkward enough. I'm not going to ask him to get me some tissue from
the bathroom instead.

Wiping off my load. "So, that was great, Jasper." laughing.

"Shut the fuck up, Edward," he grumbles, covering his face with a pillow.

- 17 -
 I'm aware that the rules are to return the favor; it would be polite and a kindness
on my part to give and not only receive in this particular situation. Looking down at
Jasper's bulge, I'm not necessarily excited about sticking his junk in my mouth and
kissing it. I'm actually pretty fucking clueless on what we do now.

"Jasper?" I whisper, pulling up my pants, shoving my semi away.

"Shut up."

"It's okay, Jazz. It's not a big deal..." My voice runs off at the end.

Jazz throws the pillow off of the bed. He adjusts his erection and stands back up
onto his feet. "I need more alcohol," he mumbles as he exits the room.

Thirty minutes later Jasper and I are back in the kitchen sitting at the table
drinking the night away. We haven't spoken about what happened; it's being avoided
like Jessica Stanley's herpes flare up. There is a definite tension, but for the most
part we're acting normal. Evading any topic having to do with Bella, we speak about
graduation and college. Jazz is going to college in San Diego; our intentions were to
get into the same college but that didn't work out. Fortunately, we're only a couple
of hours away from one another.

The more time that passes, the more we drink, the more incoherent and ridiculous
our conversations become. Jasper mentions the size of Mike's mom's tits and I recall
that time I hit Lauren with a water balloon when she wore a white tank top to
school.

Then it dawns on me; we're exchanging stories about girls. For some unknown
reason, we're securing our sexuality in a non-confrontational way. I'm suddenly a
little jealous of Mike's mom's tits. Not jealous in a "he's mine" kind of way but in a
"what about me?" kind of way. My d-piece is pretty. Jasper seemed to like it. I'm
comfortable in my sexuality.

He should be too.

Since I'm comfortable enough to understand that what happened upstairs in my

room doesn't make us gay, Jasper should be comfortable enough to remark on my
fabulous cock, not Mike's mom's saggy tits.

I'm needy.

I'm not a girly-man.

- 18 -
 Twat.

Twitch.

Not gay.

See?

"We need to talk," I blurt out in the middle of Jasper's boobie rant.

He blushes, taking another drink of his beer. "About what?"

"We're not gay. Just because you kissed me, that doesn't make us gay." I'm trying
to convince him and myself.

He nods. "I know."

Jasper refuses to look me in the eye. His gaze is at the wall behind my head. He's
deep in thought.

"What?" Looking behind me, seeing what he finds so interesting.

It's a wall.

"Jasper, what the fuck are you staring at?" I wave my hand in front of his face, his
eyes snap and lock into mine.

"If I'm not gay why do I want to kiss you again?" It's less than a whisper; he's
embarrassed.

"Because I'm dead sexy. I don't know?" I Laugh, trying to diffuse the situation.

Nervous because I want to kiss him again, too.

"Yeah, you're right."

Thinking. "I'm sure it's the situation. An adrenaline rush maybe, because I for one
still like pussy."

I'm tempted to tell him about the dick twitch I get every time I think about pussy,
but I don't because I don't want him to be jealous or upset that I was thinking about
cooter while he was sucking me off.
- 19 -
 Remembering Jasper sucking me off get me hard again.

Jazz gets up, he's pissed. "I have to get the fuck out of here."

I follow him out of the kitchen, trying to get him to come back. He is pulling on his
hair, cussing at himself, throwing shit around trying to find his car keys.

"You're not leaving."

He scoffs, calls me a fuck, and throws all of the pillows from the couch onto the
floor.

"You're not drinking and driving, Jazz."

Looking through the entertainment center, flipping red cups over. Jasper is
destroying my parents living room in the name of lost keys, but I think he's mad at
himself. Maybe he feels alone. Jasper told me he wants to kiss me and I didn't return
the sentiment. He is about to flip the couch over when I grab him by his wrist, hold
him from under his chin, close my eyes and kiss him.

Hard.

I initiate this time, sticking my tongue into his mouth and sucking on his bottom
lip. Jasper's hands are quickly on the side of my face. Holding, cuddling, hugging
while kissing seems too intimate for this. Hands on the face is safe.

Jasper leads me to the floor where we continue to kiss. His hands travel under my
shirt, taking it over my head. We're lying on the thrown pillows. My hands are
shaking but I'm turned on. This entire situation is larger than I am; there is no
controlling it. Call it curiosity, there isn't a doubt in my mind.

Jasper's legs are on the side of mine, his shirt is off. One hand holding his weight
above me, the other unbuttoning his jeans. Following suit, I unbuckle my jeans
toeing off my shoes, leaving on the socks.

If we're about to do what I think we're about to do, toes are too personal. I'm not
ready to play footsie with Jazz. Socks are good.

Socks are less gay.

I think Jasper gets my drift; he pulls his shoes and pants off but his socks stay on.

- 20 -
 Now we're both in our underwear, confused on what to do next, breathing
erratically, shaking and trembling. Harder than a fucking rock. A part of me, just for
shits and giggles, wants to brush a stand of his hair behind his ear.

But I refuse to be the girl.

"Maybe you should just take off your boxers and bend over." I blush saying it.
What the fuck do I know?

"I'm not playing bottom, Edward. You bend over."

"No way."

"I put your penis in my mouth, I'm not taking it up the ass too. That would make
me way more gay than you." His fingers are in the waist band of my underwear,
pulling them off. I feel extremely exposed.

"I never told you to do it. That was all you. Bend over."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." His eyes are locked on my peen; it bounces a little very time I say yes.

Sitting up, pulling a pillow over my junk. "Fine, we'll play for it."

Jasper stands, stepping out of his boxers. My eyes are wide open. His cock is huge
and he wants to stick that into me? I don't think so.

"Play what, Edward?"

"Rock, Paper, Scissors." Logical enough.

We both begin to laugh hysterically; too liquored up to be able to handle a

situation of this magnitude with any type of real seriousness. Problems that should
be solved with words are to be solved with Rocks, Papers, and Scissors irrational
remember?

Jasper is still standing above me, and I cannot, even if I wanted to, look away from
his massive schlong. Its humongous, long and thick. When Jazz and I were kids, after
puberty, we used to measure and compare our peens. We haven't done that in a
- 21 -
while; it's apparent Jasper went through a growth spurt.

My piece isn't anything to be ashamed of. It's straight, well groomed, well
proportioned. Its just obvious that I will have an easier time than Jasper trying to get
"it" in.

He sits next to me, wobbling a little. Jasper mumbles something about being too
drunk for this shit, under his breath.

"Ready?"

"Ready." I fist my hand, we face each other.

Avoiding his monstrous penis, we hit our closed fists on our opens palms. Jasper
reminds me that this will be best out of three. Our first round, I choose rock and
Jasper chooses scissors. I win and I couldn't be happier because I swear Jasper's rod
is growing by the second.

Second round of our game, I choose scissors and Jasper chooses paper. I do a little
prayer, my ass will forever be grateful.

"This is bullshit," Jasper scoffs, gearing up for round three.

I hit him with a rock, he chooses paper and we find ourselves in a debate. Does
paper cover the rock or does rock play paper weight? I'm convinced that I have won
this battle, but Jasper throws a hissy-fit and demands that we have a re-do.
Reluctantly, I agree and lose twice. Now we're tied.

"This is tie breaker motherfucker," I grumble, shaking Jasper's cock is taunting

me.

Between the alcohol, Jasper's monster peen, and nervous anxiety I watch our
hands in slow motion as our fists hit our palms. When I see that Jasper's fingers have
formed a pair of scissors and that mine have subconsciously chosen paper, I scream.

Like a bitch, I scream.

Loud.

Continuing the scream with a whimper.

Jasper is doing a victory lap around my mom's couch, his junk bounces mocking
- 22 -
me. I could cry and may be drunk enough for real tears to actually fall. Jazz takes my
hand. I'm scared.

"Don't be a bitch, Edward, we played fair and square." He is laughing, holding my

hand.

"Fine, whatever. Let's just get this shit over with."

We are back in my room, I brought the vodka bottle with us. We down a couple of
more shots until I am tingly and warm. I had Jasper turn all of the lights off because
I'm not really comfortable with him seeing me bent over the bed. He is kissing the
side of my neck, promising that I will be fine and that he will be careful.

I trust him. What I don't trust is his taunting, teasing super cock.

"Edward, you need to relax." His words are at my ear. His whispers send a chill
down to my toes.

"I'm trying."

"Get up onto the bed." He kisses the back of my shoulder.

Rolling my eyes. "Just so that we are clear, I'm not cool with ass smacking and shit
like that."

"You need to shut the fuck up and get onto the bed."

Lying on my pillows, I'm internally and externally shaking. I don't regret my

decision in Jasper, I don't understand it, but I want this. I'm only afraid ... afraid of
the pain, afraid of tomorrow.

Jasper is beside me. I can smell him: vodka, cigarettes and warmth.

Did I just say warmth? How gay of me.

He's holding my hand, offering comfort, but it's not until his lips are pressed
lightly onto mine that I finally relax. I feel like him and I have been thrown into a
cheesy eighties ballad video this is just too faultless.

I'm not kissing him back yet. Closing my eyes, I could easily imagine it's a girl that
I'm with instead of Jasper, but that's wrong. When I feel his tongue run over my
bottom lip I open my mouth wide enough for him to slip it inside. Its slower than
- 23 -
when I kissed him in the living room and more comfortable than when he kissed me
in the kitchen. He isn't touching, hovering above with his elbow holding his weight
on one side and his palm flat on the mattress at my other.

My arms are glued to the bed, but the more he kisses me the more I want to feel
him. Jasper's lips are soft, his kiss is strong stronger and more passionate than
Bella's. He is confident and he's persistent. I can feel his breath wash over my face,
but he is also being hesitant.

If we're going to do this I want all of it.

In a brave moment, I say fuck it, placing my palm on Jasper's sides. He gasps into
my mouth. Smirking, sitting up, I roll him onto his back so that I am above him at his
side. Without a clue of what to do next, my lips travel from his sweet mouth down
his neck. Biting on his ear lobe, I ask him if he wants me to touch him.

Feeling completely stupid for asking, he nods.

Bringing our mouths together, our lips are touching lightly. We're not kissing.
When my hand grips onto his monstrosity of a penis, he exhales sharply and I inhale
frivolously. Our breathes are shared, tongues touching sporadically. My eyes are
open, we're not really looking at each other. He watches my hand, I watch his face.

I've never touched another man's penis before. I touch my own all of the fucking
time so I know what to do, but seeing the reaction Jasper is having from me is the
most erotic, self-gratifying thing I have ever experienced. Drunk or not, I will never
forget the way Jasper's eyebrows crease in the middle, or the way it feels when he
takes the air from my lungs.

The way his tongue feels as it glides along my own.

Twat.

Twitch.

Still not gay.

"Edward, you have to stop," Jasper groans against the edge of my mouth.

Laughing under my breath, I like to watch him squirm. I quicken the pace of my
hand, pumping him even faster. He cusses, head arches back leaving me the perfect
opportunity to bite onto his neck. My thumb rubs over the tip of his junk. He's wet.
- 24 -
He's fucking soaked.

"Fuck, Edward."

Never once thought that the hum of my name from Jasper's lips would be so
fucking sexy.

The sound of my hand pumping Jasper drives me insane. I need to be touched. My

erection is fucking throbbing. Jasper also needs a little pay back for the leg hitch
bullshit he pulled earlier.

Giving him three more hard pumps, his knees come up just like I hoped.

"Does that feel good?" I laugh into his ear.

His head is turned, eyebrows creased. "Shut the fuck up," he moans.

Letting go of his dick, Jasper whimpers, followed by a loud "fuck." I don't give him
much time to catch his breath before I'm between his legs, hitching his
motherfucking leg around my waist and humping this motherfucker until I can see
goose bumps on his chest.

This time we're both cussing and groaning. I can easily slide into him from this
position but our cocks rubbing against each other is enough for now. Leaning down,
I kiss his lips. Our dicks are aimed up, side by side, flat on our stomachs. I hump him
like I would hump a chick it's all I know. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong.
When I feel his hands on my hips helping me thrust, I know I'm not doing anything
wrong.

"You're such a dick," Jasper says, kissing my neck.

Ready to see stars for the second time tonight, my eyes are closed lips pouty,
dick aching. "Shut up."

It's fucking amazing how good his dick feels against mine. Jasper's peen has all
kinds of silky, sweet, huge goodness and in this moment I am gay as a motherfucker.

Falling down onto my elbow, bringing our chest together, I hide my face in the
hollowness of his neck. I kiss and whisper and breathe. I hump hard, he moves my
hips harder. I can feel it coming on; pressure in my stomach, balls tightening.

I'm prepared to blow this load all over mine and Jasper's chest but he pushes me
- 25 -
away. Falling onto my back, my dick screams bloody fucking murder. The room is
spinning in a mixture of euphoria and drunk. I can't catch my breath. I think I did
something wrong. I think Jasper regrets this, and I think I must be super gay
because I regret nothing.

But Jasper doesn't regret shit.

He is up on his knees. He flips me onto my stomach, straddling the back of my

thighs his lips are at my ear.

"Don't you even fucking think about coming until I'm inside of you." His voice drips
lust and darkness and sex.

"Fuck." I bite onto my pillow, trying to control the urge to stick his dick in me
myself, I nod.

I'm on my knees, and Jasper is behind me. I'm still afraid, but more than ready.
Somewhere in the haze of "shit we'll regret tomorrow," Jasper ends up with a
condom on his dick and I have strawberry lube all over my ass.

Don't ask I don't know.

"Ready?" Jasper laughs, kissing the back of my shoulder. His dick pressed against
my right ass cheek.

I'm ready. I really want to elbow him in the fucking grill for mocking me, but it's
now or never. "Yeah."

When I feel his tip at my entrance, exit entrance whatever. When I feel his
dick about to penetrate my ass, I fucking whimper. My head hangs and my hands
are clenched onto my comforter. Jasper spreads my knees a little further, rubbing
his pinky along the under side of my balls.

"You're sorta beautiful, Edward."

"Fuck you, Jasper. Shut the fuck up before I change my mind."

He shuts up, adjusting himself pressing the slightest of pressures. Even this takes
my breath away. Jasper isn't even breathing. The room is silent with the exception of
myself making little noises.

I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but never once did I think it would be this
- 26 -
hard. It seems like it takes him an hour to even get his tip in, but in all reality it was
only a couple of seconds. He asks me if I'm okay. Jasper's voice is heavy, breathless.
Nodding, Jasper reaches around, my dick is remarkably hard. When his hand wraps
around my piece, I'm am stuck between the pain and the pleasure.

Pushing in a little further, I moan. The more Jasper fits in the more the pain
diminishes. He tells me he is half way in, and my mind is completely focused on his
hand whacking my junk that I forgot all about how uncomfortable this really is.

When Jasper slides completely in, when I feel his hips against my ass, balls
swinging against my own, I fucking grunt. And not only from the pain, it hurts like a
motherfucker, but I scream because of Jasper. The noises that he is making, the
moaning, the whispering of my name, the way that his hand is griped onto my dick,
and the way that his nails are digging into my side is so fucking sexy I can hardly
contain myself.

"Fuck! Mother of fuck! You feel fucking incredible." Jasper isn't moving, his hips
held tightly against me.

This shit is so fucking odd. I can feel Jasper inside of me. My body has adjusted for
him, but only enough for him to fit like a fucking glove. When he pulls back, it burns.
His hand is still gripped onto my piece but he's only holding it. I want him to stroke
me like he was before. It helped with the pain of having his dick in my ass.

Dropping down to one elbow, placing my forehead onto my forearm, Jasper is slow
and steady. After a couple of more minutes the string has gone away and while I can
feel how I will be sore in the morning, right now in this moment, Jasper is picking
up speed I can feel the length of his gigantic cock sliding in and out with better
ease. The hisses and the moans he makes causes my dick to leak. It's a feeling I
can't describe; not pain, not anymore. It feels good because Jasper is feeling good. If
only he would give my junk a good fucking tug.

"Sit up," Jasper says breathlessly. "Hold onto the head board."

He's back to a slow thrust. Looking over my shoulder, Jasper's cheeks are flushed,
his chest is rising and falling in a quick pace. The room spins a little. I'm still rocked
like a motherfucker, but seeing Jasper behind me, knowing that he is inside of me,
it's oddly sobering. My best friend Jasper has his dick inside of me! This is some
weird shit but so motherfucking sexy. I don't think twice before sitting up on my
knees making damn sure we never lose contact.

He scoots closer to the headboard behind me, kissing my neck, stroking my dick
- 27 -
lightly.

"I wish you could feel what I feel, Edward. You are so fucking good so good," he
whispers into my ear, sucking on my ear lobe.

With my hands on the head board, Jasper behind me, sitting me in his lap. He
laughs, I cuss, wrapping my own hand around his and making motherfucking sure
he pumps my dick this time. My knees are spread, his between my legs. Jasper lifts
my hips up and down. He is harsh, fast our skin slaps, he licks and kisses my
shoulder and the back of my neck.

My dick is hard, straining, ready to break off of my body stiff. My hand alone
strokes my piece while he uses both of his to lift me off of his dick. My sweaty back
slides along his sweaty chest. I have never wanted to cum so badly in my entire life.
I don't know what etiquette is for splurging when you're sleeping with another man,
but would it be completely rude to rub this one out and aim for Jasper's knees just to
be a dick? Or do I wait and we do this shit together?

Continuing to pump my junk, pressure building, I swear I feel his dick growing,
pulsating. Jazz growls and curses. "You have such a tight little ass, E." He bites my
neck.

Pulling the orgasm out of my stomach, I want to grab his fucking balls and pull
them off for teasing me but I can't - I can't do anything but feel. My head falls back
onto his shoulder, he kisses my lips. My eyes are closed and the constant rocking
in my body is comfortable, the pressure in my stomach is beginning to spread. My
nose tingles my lips tingle.

Numbness spreads through out my body I am no longer quiet. I sound like some
loud fucking bitch screaming for Jasper to do it harder. I have no clue what the fuck
is happening but he is touching something something inside and it took this
orgasm I feel to a whole new fucking level. I want him to touch me, everywhere.I
want him to thrust harder, and I want him to fucking kiss me.

He does everything I say with a smile. Just when I think I can't handle it anymore,
my dick fucking explodes. An eruption of cum squirts into the air landing wherever.
After the first squirt, Jasper pushes my hand away and works the rest of the cum out
himself. His fingers are sticky, he uses it to his advantage and wets my dick while he
continues to pump what is determined to be the hardest, longest, most monumental
orgasm I have ever had in my fucking life.

When it finally ends I can't move. Jasper releases my softening cock, pushes me
- 28 -
flush against the head board and slams into me. Over and over he pulls almost all of
the way out before thrusting back in.

"So good. Fuck this is the best." His words are slurred, tired sexy.

When his forehead is pressed in between my shoulder blades, he curses his

mother. I know he's coming. I can feel it. I can feel his dick contracting inside of me.
He doesn't pull out, only pulls me closer in small, hard thrusts. When he is done, his
cheek is flush against my shoulder. I collapse to my side, taking him with me. Jasper
laughs quietly, kissing me whispering about how good that felt. When he pulls
out, I hiss loudly. I'm going to be so fucking sore in the morning.

We're spent, bodies so tired either one can hardly straighten ourselves onto the
bed. Managing to get under the covers, the room spins quickly now. I am drunk
way fucking drunk, and I just fucked my best friend, who is a dude weird.

There are no words, just quiet and loud breathing. Jasper on one side of the bed,
me on the other. I'm almost asleep when I feel his hand clutch onto mine. I want to
pull it way and call him a fag, but I don't. I figure, fuck it, we're still in the moment
so I'll hold his fucking hand.

Jasper calling me a butt pirate is the last thing I remember before falling asleep.

Cracking my eye open, the room is full of evil light. Looking at the clock next to my
bed, it's noon. My mind is blank. I feel, remember, want nothing. Jasper's hand on
my thigh takes that peace away like a slap in the face.

I remember and feel everything.

Jasper pulls his hand away, balling into him self laughing. I lay back down, far
away from him with my arms flat and tight at my sides. Looking up at the ceiling,
the nights events play like a fucking low budget porn.

"How does that ass feel?"

"Fuck off, Jasper."

- 29 -
 He laughs louder.

We lie in bed without saying a word. A half hour goes by when Jasper finally gets
up and I make a point not to look at his naked form until I know he has pulled some
shorts on.

"Relax, Edward, tell me this when you think of pussy does your dick still
twitch?"

Twat.

Twitch.

Not gay.

"Yeah." I avoid his rock hard chest and his freshly fucked flushed face.

"Then we're good because my dick twitches too. Can we go eat, I'm fucking
starved. Ass fucking takes so much energy." Now he's joking and I owe him a karate
chop to the throat.

Getting out of bed, pulling on some shorts, I 'm sore - really fucking sore. Not
waiting for Jasper, I leave the room, ignoring the mess. I can't ignore the smack on
my ass. Hissing, I have to brace myself on the wall.

"Best I ever had." Jazz winks, moving past me.

Fucking prick.

- 30 -
 Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Edward

Being in pain is a understatement; I gave Jasper about an hour of my time before I

gave up on party clean up and came back upstairs to my room. There is shit
everywhere: red cups, bottles and food a big motherfucking elephant. Jasper is
not someone I can manage dealing with when my ass feels like it's both on fire and
stretched to the point of no return. After popping a couple of pain pills I decide that
taking a bath is the best plan of action. I also decide that jerking off to mental
pictures of boobs is the next best step in recovering the security in my sexuality.

I'm sitting in the bath, my ass thanking me over and over for the hot water, but my
dick is still confused. It's twitching, it just won't come to life so I give up and relax.
Closing my eyes proves to be a problem; behind my eyelids, instead of mental
images of big huge titties are memories from the night before. The ringing silence in
the bathroom only makes remembering the sounds of our bodies colliding as he
fucked me in my ass, as he french kissed my piece, as I wrapped his leg over my
waist and played swords with my best friend, who is in fact, a dude, easier to relive.

My dick, of course, comes to life with memories of that.

The pain in my ass and my wounded, perplexed pride keep me from pulling the
pipe to the recollection of Jasper kissing my neck and whispering in my ear while he
was fully inside of my body. Rubbing my face with wet hands, I wonder how much of
last night can honestly be blamed on alcohol? It could have stopped after we kissed
in the kitchen or after he sucked my pole on my bed. I didn't have to kiss him a
second time in the living room or play rock, paper, scissors. I can blame it on my
broken heart; my bitch girlfriend tore it out and spit all over it with her dirty saliva.
A broken relationship with a person you love can lead you into strange situations.

A broken heart and too much beer just doesn't cut it though. There was an
excitement I never felt before. Kissing Jasper was a huge confusing, adrenaline rush.
Even now, sitting in the tub like a little bitch, I regret nothing. I'm not entirely sure I

- 31 -
want to re-encounter the incident, but it is what it is: an experience for the books.

Why is my cock as hard a rock when I think about doing it again?

Submerging my entire body under the water, I scream. Screaming helps; I'm hung
over, my body hurts and I'm confused. Allowing the water to fill my ears, I keep my
eyes shut and pray while screaming for this inner battle to relieve itself so I can
move on. I'm leaving for college. Kids in college experiment with their sexuality all
of the time. I'll just file last night under experimentation. Maybe I'll dip inside of
Bella once or twice more before I move to California for college and close the book
on last night forever.

Coming back up, I gasp in a huge breath of air. I wipe my face off, running my
hands through my hair, Jasper is in my bathroom looking down at me with a
comfortable smirk.

I cover my junk. "What?"

"Your ma just called." Jasper walks to the toilet that sits right beside my tub.

I cannot remove my eyes from him, even as he pulls down the front of his shorts
and whips out his colossal sized schlong. He knows I'm looking. How can I not? His
dick is huge, causing my butt to pucker a little. Jasper worsens the awkwardness by
stroking his junk once before he starts to piss, then he winks.

"Like what you see, Cullen?"

Groaning, I look away and slide back down into the water leaving my eyes and
nose above the water line. My dick is swollen, so fucking hard. He needs to get the
hell out of my bathroom and leave me alone.

"Want to know what your mom called for?" He shakes his piece and tucks it back
into his pants before flushing and sitting on the edge of the bath tub with his back
towards me.

This usually wouldn't be a problem but shit's a little different after last night. I'm
not sure exactly where our friendship stands.

"Sure."

Jasper's head is down, face in the palms of his hands. He isn't wearing a shirt, only
a pair of black basketball shorts. I've always noticed Jasper's physique; he's athletic,
- 32 -
runs track and shit, but his back is pure muscle. As he rubs his face, his shoulder
muscles flex. I'm such a fag for thinking of this shit. I need to get my dick wet soon.
By a vagina.

"Her and your pop aren't going to make it home today. They said something about
traffic and ask that you call them when you wake up."

Leaning my head back, I can feel the alcohol seeping through my pores. I feel like
shit. I want to sleep. "Alright."

"I got most of the house cleaned up,.Alice offered her womanly duties so she's
coming over in a while to finish." Jasper clears his throat, "Are you cool with her
coming over?"

"Why the fuck would I care?"

Jazz looks back at me and winks before leaving me alone, making some comment
about returning the favor as he walks out. He better be joking. He's fucking high if
he thinks I'm sticking his peen in my mouth. He did that shit on his own. There won't
be the returning of shit.

Half hour later, my fingers are pruned and my ass is feeling a better. Wearing a
baggy pair of sweats, I go downstairs to see Alice mopping my mom's kitchen floor. I
nod at her, taking a water from the fridge and asking where Jasper is. Instead of
answering Alice drills me about Bella. Bella is so, so sad. Bella is heart broken and
sorry. She made a mistake. Embry means nothing. Bella loves me, and she wants me
to call her. We can work this out - don't act like you've never made a wrong
decisions before.

"I've never cheated on her," I counter, pissed I even have to justify why I threw
Bella out last night.

Alice, with her long brown hair, huge fake titties her dad bought her as an early
graduation present and a nose job that didn't heal too well, stands in the middle of
the wet floor giving me the "Fuck You" look. She's wearing a pair of Jasper's boxers
and his white v-neck from last night. She's delusional, and I don't give a fuck if
Jasper brought her over to get it on. Alice is his go to girl when it comes to getting
some. He's never committed to her and I doubt he ever will. I also have no problem
with little Miss Brandon, what I have a problem with is her standing in my fucking
house telling me what to do while holding my mother's dripping mop. Especially
when she's wearing a shirt that might have my cum all over it.

- 33 -
 Jokes on her I guess; maybe I should tell her Jasper is a fucking butt pirate to see
how long that smug look stays on her pretty face.

"That's not fair, Edward. You can't just throw everything away because she messed
up once or twice."

Watch me. "I don't plan on it." I chuckle. I plan on hitting it a couple of more times
for the sake of pussy.

Jasper walks past me, kissing Alice on the neck and asking what we are talking
about. His arms wrap around her from behind, kissing the side of her face. Alice
squirms, dropping the mop. Jazz squeezes her ass; the gesture reminds me of my
own throbbing ass and how exactly it got that way, so I turn and walk out of the
kitchen. With every ounce of effort I try my best to walk normally, it just isn't
possible and Alice notices.

"Hey, what happened to you?"

"Nothing," I mumble, sitting carefully onto the couch.

I can hear Jasper's laugh from the kitchen, whispering to Alice, "You know
Edward, he always has something stuck up his ass."

I could rush him, fuck his shit up, maybe kick him in the junk and cut all of his hair
off like a spiteful bitch ex-girlfriend. The only problem with that is that Jasper can
easily assume I'm the ex-girlfriend. I played bottom last night; Rock, Paper,
Scissors? Who the fuck does that? If either one of us is gay it's Jasper, he started it,
he's gay. Plus, my dick still twitches with the thought of vagina; I'm safe.

Taking the hard walk back upstairs, I hate my life with each step. Bella can go
fuck herself after that shit I found out last night ... I'm just hoping she'll fuck me
first. Doubt I would have a problem getting asserrr pussy from any of the other
girls in town. I've been with Bella for a while, but I see the way Lauren, Jessica, and
the rest of the mob look at me. I'm just not interested in sticking my piece in some
unknown hooha. Bella is familiar, and I can push all of the feelings away if it means
recovering my manhood.

When I call her she's crying, sobbing and sniffling. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean
to hurt you. I have had the worst day ever. I'm a mess without you. I couldn't sleep
and I need you in my life I love you, Edward. I'm hurting so badly."

There is a lot of "I" in this short conversation.

- 34 -
 "Just come over."

"I'm glad you forgive me, Edward. I was so upset last night and I totally forgive
you for throwing me out of your house."

Her whispers disgust me and they give me the chills for all of the wrong reasons. I
should have thought this over a little longer before I invited my cheating girlfriend
over to my house. Now she's straddling my lap - her red blotchy face all in my grill.
Bella rotates her hips in a slow, sloppy circle and its doing nothing for me. I love
her, that won't change after last night, but this is gross.

"I'm going to make this work because I need you. Maybe I can transfer to
California so we can put this behind us and move on."

I never noticed before but Bella is utterly self-centered and completely superficial.
She is kissing my neck, I'm looking past her. She has to be able to feel my hesitance,
maybe she is ignoring it on purpose.

"Bella." I pull my face away.

Bella leans back, acting like she never heard her name. Her hands are on my
sweats, untying the string. "I'm going to make this up to you. I promise."

Watching Bella pull out my dick, brings flashbacks of last night - Jasper doing the
same thing to me - I'm hard in seconds. Bella smiles thinking its hard for her. I
should stop her but I can't. When she leans down, lips hovering over the head of my
cock, I close my eyes and reminisce

It's totally fucked up, having the girl who was my lady for so long french kissing
my schlong while I'm thinking of my best friend. His mouth was strong; he was
messy as fuck but it was good. This is pathetic, Bella is trying so fucking hard
swirling her tongue around the head, sticking my junk so far down her throat that
she gags. This is what I brought her here for but neither one of us is gaining
anything from this. I don't feel more at peace about last night, and Bella is fooling
herself.

- 35 -
 "Bella, stop." I sit up, but she doesn't stop. She tries harder and maybe it feels a
little bit good. It feels excellent when she rubs my balls, but that is beyond the point.
"Bella, come on." I don't want to rip my dick from her mouth, so shaking her
shoulder works.

"What?" she asks, looking confused.

My dick shines in light coming through the window. Bella's lips are swollen. She
wipes her mouth and sits up. I'm quick about putting my piece away, shaking my
head. If she was able to cheat on me then our relationship has been over for a while.

"We can't do this. We have to break-up." Her eyes make me sad. She makes me
sad. Being betrayed is a sad situation.

"What? No, I thought you wanted to work it out?" Bella is crying again, it hurts my
heart to see her cry, but I can't do this.

"You should probably go. I'll call you before I leave."

"Edward."

This is where I should stand up and open my door for her but I can't. Things
become a little awkward because Bella won't get up and go. She's staring at me,
crying lots and lots of crying. I don't know what to do other than to call for
reinforcements. As subtly as I can, I text Jasper; holding the phone to the bed and
typing with my right thumb.

We might have fucked but he's still my best friend. I've rescued him from Alice's
death grip more times than I can count. On brotherhood, his ass better get the fuck
up here and safe my ass errr, never mind.

Not even thirty seconds later Alice and Jasper are knocking on the door. Bella
locked it earlier. I lie down and pretend I'm trying to sleep. Thankfully she takes the
hint and opens it. Dramatically and overwhelming, Bella runs into the arms of Alice.
Together they give me the "Fucking Dick" look. Bella is saying some shit along the
lines about me not wanting her. Alice calls me a dick, and still, they don't get the
fuck out of my room.

"Okay, girls, it's time for you to get the fuck out."

I laugh into my pillow, Jasper is such a dick.

- 36 -
 Bella cries louder. Alice is whispering into Bella's ear that she will call her later
and they will talk about everything. I don't think Alice quite understood exactly what
Jasper said.

"Sorry, babe, that means you too. My friend is brokenhearted and in need of some
guy time." Jasper lets her down easily.

I have to press the other pillow over my head to keep from laughing out loud. He is
such a dick to her but she keeps coming back for more. Alice whines, but eventually
he walks both Bella and Alice down stairs. I'm left alone to breathe, knowing I can't
deal with this shit all night I start calling people over.

"We're drinking?" Jasper asks, excited.

"Yeah, we're drinking."

Three hours and half of a bottle of tequila later, I;m fucked up. My family owns one
of the only pools in Forks. Summers around here are not usually hot enough to enjoy
it more than once or twice a season but today is one of those days. The sun is out,
my friends are scattered all over the place, and my ass is feeling exceptionally
better. Jasper made some food earlier and I'm drunk enough that I feel okay about
last night.

"You good?" Jasper hands me a beer.

I nod, clicking beer necks with him before taking a huge swig. Jazz sits next to me,
our feet are in the water. He's so fucking close. Together we watch as Lauren struts
her shit around in the tiniest black bikini I have ever seen. I'm aware of how good
her tits look and how great my dick would be between them but I'm also hyper
aware of Jasper proximity and how he smells like hamburgers and chlorine.

I am also aware that our arms are barely touching.

"About last night," he starts, but I don't want to talk about it so I shake my head.

This is good, being drunk with a semi I can blame easily on Lauren. I'm not
thinking about Bella and I'm at peace with Jasper. Talking only causes things to
become complicated. Jasper nods in agreement, smiling while he puts the beer to his
lips. He's making me feel weird again.

Getting a closer look, and I mean closer than I have ever really taken the time to
see. I see exactly what I already knew, Jasper highlights his fucking hair. This
- 37 -
sneaky bastard, he has roots. A dirty blonde at the top and about a half of inch down
the lighter blonde begins. This shit makes me laugh, and by laugh, I mean holding
my stomach and falling over laughing.

"What? Do I have something in my teeth?" Jasper looks at me, second guessing

himself.

"You're such a homo, bro." I push him by his shoulder.

Jasper eyes widen like he cannot believe I just said hat shit out loud. None of these
motherfuckers know he was sucking my cock last night. The thought would never
even cross their minds.

"Fuck you," he counters.

"I thought you didn't highlight your hair?"

"If you tell anyone I swear I'll fuck you up."

Drinking my beer, nodding my head. "I thought so."

The day passes into night; Jasper and I drink more and awkwardly hover around
each other every step of the way. The more drunk I get the more at ease I am about
what we did. It's not even a big deal. No one will ever find out and it won't happen
again. One time doesn't make you a fairy - multiple times makes you one. One time
means we were drunk.

Yep, that's my excuse and I'm fucking sticking to it.

At least until midnight rolls around and I'm so fucking rocked I can't tell up from
down. Some people have left but a lot remain. Lauren is in my living room dancing
to the music blaring from my speakers, taking off her bikini. Jasper is next to me,
adjusting his sitting to get comfortable. I do the same.

Unconsciously leaning into him.

News that Bella and I split-up spread fast; Lauren takes off her top and throws it
at me, wasting no time in her effort to help me recover from the blow of a cheating
girlfriend. Landing over my head, Jasper takes it off and drapes it over his shoulder.
Lauren has nice tits, really nice tits. She shakes them in my face and kisses Jasper
on the lips. I laugh. I can't fucking help it. Leaning my forehead onto Jasper's arm, I
lose it in a nervous hilarity. He's laughing too, but when Lauren actually crawls onto
- 38 -
my lap and grabs my junk we both stop.

The sexual tension in this room is suffocating. Jasper leans back, watching Lauren
shake her tits and bite along my jaw line. He looks at me with dark eyes, pushing
down on himself, but I see it, he's hard and fuck me if I'm not too. Briefly kissing
Lauren back, Jasper's eyes are glued onto mine. His cheeks are red and his
breathing is ragged. The rest of the room is full of testosterone; Mike, Tyler and
Seth are whistling and begging Lauren to give them a shot, but she's stuck on me.
Her hips grind onto my erection, running her nipple over my lips. She is every guys
wet dream and I can't bring myself to stop looking at Jasper.

Its not a secret that Lauren gets around; she also never made it a secret that she
would let me hit it either. All I have to say is the word and she's mine. I'm not
putting it past her to fuck me in this room full of people. When she stands and drops
her bottoms to the floor, I sit up, fixing my dick in my shorts.

I'm looking at Jasper and he's looking at me. I have no fucking clue what the hell is
going on but the smirk that is on his lips is sexy as fuck. The fact that there is a
vagina in my face is nothing compared to what his look alone is doing to me. Its
weird and strange and fucked up but right now, I can give a fuck.

Lauren is shaking her ass in my face; I smack it because that's what I'm supposed
to do? Jasper groans causing my nerves to go ape-shit. Chills run up my arms and
it's not because Lauren has climbed back onto my lap, it's because Jasper is making
these stupid fucking noises. He's teasing me and it's working, my head is swimming
in a drunk haze and all I can think about is last night.

Lauren kisses me, and I remember kissing him.

Her chest rubs against mine, and I wish it was Jasper.

She grabs my dick, and I can't take it anymore.

"Go on, baby. I got you later," I whisper into her ear.

Lauren kisses me again before jumping on the lap of the next person. I waste no
time getting up from the couch. going upstairs to relieve myself. I stumble and trip;
the stairs spin and my body is on fire. Once I reach my door, I open it and slam it
shut behind me, heading straight to my bathroom. My beer spills on to the counter. I
can't get my board shorts untied quickly enough. My heart is beating uncontrollably.
I'm so fucking drunk that I didn't even bother turning the bathroom lights. All I care
about is getting my dick out and making this tension go away.
- 39 -
 Finally getting my shorts undone, I close my eyes and wrap my hand around the
base of my dick. I'm three pumps in and leaned against the cold counter when I feel
Jasper come up behind me and place his chest against my back. It's wrong, it feels
so fucking wrong, but I can't bring myself to care. His hand moves mine away and
he takes over the pumping; it feels so damn good.

Opening my eyes, I give them a chance to adjust to the dark. I can see Jasper in
the mirror standing behind me. His lips are right beside my ear. Our breathing is
shallow and echoing through my bathroom. Hips lips press lightly to the top of my
shoulder. My chest is heavy and the burning is quick to form in the very pit of my
stomach.

Back and forth with the perfect amount of pressure, Jasper pumps my cock. With
both of my hands planted onto the cold counter, my head falls between my arms and
I watch him doing it to me. His hands are larger compared to Bella's, compared to
Lauren's. Jasper presses his hard on into my ass. I'm still sore so I whimper. He's
kissing my neck and pumping harder and faster. My knees feel like they're about to
collapse. The burning is starting to dominate.

"Fuck," I breathe, unable to contain it.

Jasper is kissing the back of my shoulder, grinding himself against me while his
hand does me good. Closing my eyes tightly, I listen to the sound of his hand and the
pace of his breathing. I decide not to give a fuck and let go, releasing so hard my
knees buckle and crash against bathroom cupboards. Jasper's free arm wraps
around my waist, pulling me closer to him while keeping me from falling. My head
falls back onto his shoulder, he kisses the side of my face while I cum all over the
bathroom floor. Jazz laughs lightly against my cheek and doesn't stop pumping until
every drop is splurged.

The high of the orgasm is the best I've felt in a while. I can't breathe and I can
literally feel my blood pumping through my veins. Jasper doesn't waste time with
allowing me to recover, he turns me around and places his hands on the counter
beside my hips. He's close, so fucking close I can taste the beer on his lips. They
hover above my own, heat radiating off of them. When he licks his lips his tongue
lingers over the bottom and briefly makes contact with my top.

"I don't know what to do." Jazz isn't looking at me, he's looking at my mouth

My dick is still out of my pants; his is bulging against his board shorts. They touch
as Jasper moves himself closer to me. I feel his hair tickle my face and his lips
suspended over the skin on the side of my neck. With lips at my ear and his chest
- 40 -
against mine, my dick doesn't need much to become hard again.

"This is fucked up, right?" he asks. His lips touching me with each word.

Jazz sounds intense, confused and mislaid. His actions are just as confusing.

The last two nights have been the worst and best of my fucking life.

"Yeah, it's fucked up," I answer. My arms are hanging at my sides.

I would wrap them around his neck but that's way too gay, and I'm not gay
remember? Jasper and I are not a couple. We're whatever the fuck we are. Even
friends with benefits sounds much too gay. I'm not planning on doing this multiple
times. My ass cannot handle it, and I'm not gay; I'm drunk and experimenting.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Jasper places his hands on the side of my face giving me no other option but to
look at him. Then he kisses me.

Just as hot as it was yesterday; his lips are full and warm and fucking forceful. His
tongue slides between my lips, colliding with my own. He breathes out of his nose
and moans into my mouth. Stupid motherfucker tries to get me to sit up on the
counter but I'm not the chick! I don't know why he just assumes I like my leg hitched
or I like sitting on counters with him between my legs.

I push him away, tell him to knock it the fuck off. We laugh for three seconds, then
we're kissing again. Jasper's arms surround my back, his palms are not flat but
fisted. It's a confused anger that him and I both share. Kissing is so fucked up and
personal and sort of intimate. Kissing like this, just the two of us in my dark
bathroom with my schlong hanging out, it's a lot to handle. But being this drunk
makes it's easy to forget, so we just go with the flow.

Deal with the ramifications tomorrow.

Our kiss is deep; Jasper kisses the corner of my mouth before trailing his tongue
down my neck. The fucker even bites onto my Adams-apple. He's begging in my ear;
he wants it and he wants it bad, but I can't. There is not a chance in hell I can do
that again, not because I don't want to. Maybe I do, physically I can't.

So I drop to my knees in a rush of adrenaline, but as soon as I'm there I'm fucking
scared and regretful.
- 41 -
 "Oh fuck," Jasper whispers pulling the front of his shorts down.

Being drunk, our balance and our trajectory is a little off. He stumbles and his
cock slaps me right across the forehead. Jasper finds this funny, I'm pissed and
ready to get up and leave. He just fucking cock slapped me across the forehead.
What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

"Dude, I swear I didn't do that on purpose." He stands there with his junk out. It's
as big as it ever was, and now I have to put that in my mouth? "Are you mad? Don't
be mad."

"I'm not mad." Lies.

I stare at his monster cock for about a minute. It's looking me straight in the eye;
huge and long his peen is massive and I'm having doubts that it will even fit. The
girth on this motherfucker is unbelievable. It really should be considered for Ripley's
Believe it or Not or the Guinness Book of World Records.

Jasper Whitlock, Largest Cock in the World.

"Are you just going to stare at it?"

"No," I scoff. "I'm thinking."

"Sucking dick isn't that hard, slide it in your mouth and suck." He laughs. Stupid
ass.

I nod, still on my knees and determined. Slowly and cautiously, I bring my face
closer and closer to what should be considered Jasper's third leg. There's problem,
when I get there, I don't open my mouth and now his junk is pressed against my lips.
This is so weird.

"Open your mouth, Edward."

I nod again, opening my mouth. Now my mouth is open and his penis is just there.
Maybe I need some help. Jasper must register my need with the pleading in my eyes
because he slowly guides his shaft past my lips and into my mouth. He makes a
grunting noise. I close my lips around his piece and take a moment to understand
what is really going on right now.

It's not as bad as I thought it would be. His dick tastes like skin and swimming. It's
huge but it fits nicely in my mouth, but I know I'm supposed to be doing something,
- 42 -
so I suck a little and drag my lips back until he is almost all the way out. I then lean
back in, wrapping my hand around the base.

"Fuck, Edward." Jasper breathes.

My back is against the bathroom cupboards. Jasper hovers above me with his
hands on the counter. Finding a pattern with my mouth and with my hand, I am
convinced I'm doing okay. Jasper isn't complaining, in fact he is praising. Happy
with my progress, I go a little deeper and a little harder. I gag and decide deeper is
a bad idea, but Jasper likes harder.

That is until my jaw starts to hurt. I pull away and wipe off my mouth. I'm face to
face with his gigantor cock, and I'm scared all over again.

"You're doing good. I'm almost there."

I'm almost there, why did that sound so fucking sexy?

Without hesitation, I take him again. Jasper was right - he's almost there. His hand
is on the back of my head, and I can feel his eyes beating down on me. Knowing he
watching me strains on my dick. Not even Bella could keep me hard for this long,
not after busting ten minutes ago.

I should have known when his piece began to move and pulsate that it was
coming. Jasper gave me no real indication that he was about to cum other than
telling me how good my mouth felt. I just figured that since I gave him the common
courtesy of the "cumming now" notification yesterday, that his stupid ass would do
the same for me.

Wrong!

He fucking cums in my mouth.

At first squirt I back the fuck away, but not far enough. Jasper spills his load all
over my face and neck. I start to scream, he's saying sorry, and I'm spitting cum all
over the floor. Its awkward for Jasper, he's still cumming when I stand up and punch
him in the face. Both of our dicks are hanging out, now we're going for blows.

I start crying. I cant take it anymore. I'm confused and heart broken and drunk. All
I want to do is lie in bed and listen to John Mayer.

Jasper doesn't punch me twice; he sees my turmoil and hugs me. "I swear I didn't
- 43 -
do it on purpose."

"This is so fucking weird." Now I'm crying loudly. No wonder why he thinks I'm the
chick.

Jasper helps me clean off my face and chest. I don't know who is in my house or
how long we've been upstairs, all I'm concerned with is wallowing for a while. Jasper
tells me he's going to lock up the house. He throws me a pair of pajamas and leaves
the room.

This is when it dawn on me: I am a cock sucker.

I cry harder.

Jasper comes back into the room. He sees me crying and sits beside me. We talk
about Bella some, avoiding any topic on the relationship between him and I. He
understands, tells me it will be okay. Jasper even flips on the John Mayer and lies
beside me in bed. I'm so fucking drunk the room is spinning. I feel like a complete
pussy.

"Don't tell anyone I'm crying," I warn him with my most manliest tone.

"Don't tell anyone I highlight my hair and we have a deal."

I nod and close my eyes. I can't believe I sucked his junk. I'm still not gay.

Twat.

Twat.

Twat.

Twitch.

See, still not gay.

- 44 -
 Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Edward

I Wake up this morning to a motherfucking sight.

I choose to ignore The Sight for a while, getting up and going downstairs, noticing
that my ass feels a lot better today then it did the previous day. I grumble to myself
about Mike Newton and Lauren shacked up on my mother's couch, but happy that
Jasper seemed to have cleaned the place up before he came to bed last night.

Came to bed last night? That sounds way too fucking intimate for my liking.

Happy Jasper seemed to clean up the place before he fell asleep last night. Now I
don't have to worry about the parentals questioning the fuck out of me when they
get home. The blinking light on the answering machine is my mother. She and dad
will be home by noon. I have three hours.

Grabbing the Coco Puffs off of the top of the refrigerator, pouring some milk into
bowl. Pissed that I got some on the counter and that there are no clean spoons in
the drawer. Fuck it, I'll use a fork.

Forks and cereal don't work well.

Fuck it, I'll use the ladle.

Taking one step at a time, I head back into my room, back to The Sight. Passing
my dad's office, I take a bite of my Coco Puffs. My older brother, Emmett's door is
open. He's at College in Massachusetts, and he won't be home for another couple of
days. His door shouldn't be open. I sneak a peek in. Tyler and Seth are crashed out
on his bed. As long as they don't touch anything.

Finally reaching my bedroom, I stand in front of the shut door for a while. Taking a
few bites of my cereal, I wonder if The Sight is still going to be so sightly when I

- 45 -
open the door. Wiping the milk off of my chin, with my right hand I open the door.
Jasper is still asleep and his sight is still on display.

I turn on the TV, sit on my side of the bed. The whole fucking bed is my side of the
bed because it's my bed. Jasper and I are not a couple so he doesn't have a side, but
I'm letting him borrow the left side for right now, the right side is my side. We don't
have sides. It's all mine. We are not a couple, we're best friends. No sides.

Jasper was watching cartoons again last night. I must have passed out but Sponge
Bob is on so I watch. I've been convinced for a while that Sponge Bob and Patrick
are gay. The way they run around in their underwear and go jelly-fish fishing is so
gay. Looking down at myself, I'm in my underwear and Jasper is in his "sight." We're
good, though, because we were sleeping, not fishing, and I'm not a sponge, but I'm
not sure that Jasper isn't a star.

With a mouth full of Coco Puffs and a stomach full of laughs, Jasper wakes up. He
doesn't even bother covering up his "sight" he just laughs along with me. I look at
him, he shrugs and starts laughing again. I am extremely aware of his one eyed
monster, it's huge and hard and on display. It's making me a little uncomfortable but
my cereal is so good I let it pass.

"Can I have a bite?"

Bringing the ladle to my mouth, I eye Jasper. "No," I say with a mouth full of food.
"I don't share cereal, dick."

"Whatever, turn it up. I can't hear." He still does nothing to cover up his sight.

I continue to eat but now I'm distracted because Jasper is laughing and his schlong
is bouncing with his laughter. It's taunting me again, teasing me I had that
monstrosity in my mouth, what the fuck.

"Jasper, this isn't going to work out."

He sits up, still not covering himself; at least he kept his socks on. "What am I
doing? I'm watching Sponge Bob."

Setting my bowl down on the table beside my bed, I turn to my friend. "This," I
wave my hand over his pelvic area. "Isn't going to work. You can't just have your
junk out like this. It's a sight, and if anyone were to walk in here, what would they
think?"

- 46 -
 He shrugs. "That I have morning wood?"

"You're fucking stupid, put some clothes on. Why the fuck would you sleep naked
anyway?"

"Because it feels good?" he shrugs.

Jasper stands up, raising his arms above his head and stretches. My eyes lock on
his junk; it's at full attention and demanding to be recognized. Jasper is making all
kinds of morning noises, he even scratches his balls. Its gross, but I can't stop
looking. I might even be blushing.

"You're such a douche." He laughs, walking towards the bathroom. Now his ass is
demanding the same kind of attention his junk just was.

At least he left the socks on.

I try to return my focus back on Sponge Bob but it's no use, Jasper is peeing with
the door open. He whistles and starts singing 'Love is a Battlefield'. Jasper is a shitty
singer. He sounds like crap and I feel like attacking him, but we all know where that
leads and I'm not down for that shit.

Tell my erection that.

Putting a pillow on my lap, Jasper tells me he is taking a shower. I tell him that I
don't give a fuck, but when the water turns on I am oddly curious. Turning the
volume on Sponge Bob all the way down, I can tell when the water is hitting his skin
and not the shower floor. He is still whistling. I pull my wood out and pump it once
for good measure.

It becomes harder and won't be ignored.

Steam begins to seep from the open bathroom door. Jasper's singing stops and I
swear to Grilled Chesus I hear a moan. Then another, then another and another.
There's no hiding it. Jasper is jerking off in my shower.

One side of me says to get the fuck up and shut the bathroom door, the other half
is saying to get undressed and help him out like he helped you last night, and the
third half, and I know that makes no fucking sense at all, but what in all of this
fuckery does, is telling me to just whip it out, jerk off and be done with it all.

I take option number three.

- 47 -
 I have some of that strawberry lube, the one that Jasper went squirt happy with all
over my ass the other night. I rub a little in my palm and go to work. Jasper isn't
even trying to be quiet about his shower activities. I, on the other hand am being
silent. Rubbing my thumb across the head of my dick, digging my heels into the
mattress. Holding my shirt up under my chin, squeezing my peen so fucking tight.
I'm panting, breathing in my nose and out of my mouth. Goosebumps rise on my
arms, dick twitches in my hand.

I know exactly when Jasper cums because he starts to laugh. I'm no where near
there but sense the urgency of hurrying the fuck up or risk the chance of being
caught. I'm pump, pump, pumping really fucking fast and really fucking hard. The
thrill of Jasper seeing me turns me on more.

He turns off the water. I hear the towel as it's pulled off of the rack.

"Fuck," I breathe, relief in the slight burn building in my stomach.

Jasper is whistling again, humming the words to Freedom by George Michael. He

walks past the bathroom door, I see him and groan really fucking loudly because he
is so fucking sexy and right now, in this mess I can't even deny it.

He sees me, smiles and stand in the doorway of my bathroom with my towel tied
around his waist. Jasper crosses his arms and leans onto the doors frame. Not
moving, only looking, Jasper's body language screams smug and condescending. My
head falls back. I close my eyes and try my hardest to forget he's there.

The only problem is that I can feel his eyes on me.

"Slow down, Edward," he whispers.

For some fucking reason I listen and slow the speed of my hands down until I'm
stroking so fucking painfully slow that I whimper.

Jasper doesn't say another word as I start to cum; biting onto my bottom lip,
releasing it, I breathe through clenched teeth. White streams squirt out onto my
own stomach. I tug and rub until it's all out. When it's over I'm left with heavy
breathing and a sticky stomach. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling for a while. I
know Jasper is at the door, but I can't bring myself to look at him.

This shit has been confusing and maybe a little humorous all along. Two boys
getting shit faced and fucking is a little funny given the way we have handled things.
What just happened right now, that makes this serious. I feel more than confused;
- 48 -
dumbfounded maybe. Disappointed and ashamed. How the fuck am I supposed to
ever look him in the eye again?

Then he shuts the bathroom door, him on one side and me on the other, without
another word. The silence echoes, and I feel like shit. Taking off my shirt, I wipe off
my chest and throw it in the corner. Grabbing some pants and a shirt from my
closet, I go into my parent's bathroom and take a long hot shower. I stay in until the
water runs cold and my fingers are pruned.

Brushing my teeth with my mom's toothbrush, I use my dad's hair brush to fuck
with my hair a little. I forgot socks so I use my dads. I lie on their bed for a while
and think about what has been done.

Jasper is my best friend, always has been. We have one week of high school and a
couple of weeks to get our shit together before we both move to California for
college. We'll be a couple of hours away from each other but the point was to be
together. Together has a whole different definition now and it makes my stomach
fucking turn.

Our families are friends, Emmett and Jasper's older brother, Peter, are best
friends just like we are. They went away to college together; did everything
together. I haven't heard any stories about them getting drunk and fucking. We
definitely messed everything up. Shit is going to be awkward and uncomfortable
now. Our families might not guess what happened between Jasper and me, and I
hope to God they don't, but they will know something is off. With graduation and
shit we'll be spending a lot of time with the Whitlock's.

I lie in bed longer than I thought, even caught a few minutes of sleep. I wake up to
the sound of my mother cooing in my ear. I open an eye and she's crying, rubbing
my hair out of my face and kissing my cheek.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she wails.

I hug her back, trying not to laugh in her face. "Mom, it's only college. I'm not
dying."

The word dying causes her to cry louder. Dad walks into the room, laughs at the
shenanigans before dropping his suit case to the ground. "Esme, leave the boy
alone. You're smothering him."

Little does my dad know that I really need my mommy right about now.

- 49 -
 "Shut up, Carlisle. What the hell do you know?" She kisses the top of my hair. I'm
loving it, basking in it.

Dad walks into the bathroom, grumbling about me leaving his towel on the floor.
He's telling me about his conference, and mom is still crying but I'm trying to listen.
Jasper comes into the room at the part where my dad is telling me about the joke he
told and no one laughed.

"Can I come in?" Jasper asks, so fucking polite in front of the parents.

Mom cries louder because she loves Jasper like a son. He runs into her open arms,
lying between my mother and me. His head is leaning on her shoulder but his arm is
lying across my lap.

I stiffen like a motherfucker.

"Do you think my joke is funny, Edward?" Dad asks, putting his clothes away.

I didn't hear shit past Jasper's arm on my lap.

"What Dad? What joke?" I swallow, slowly pushing Jasper's arm off of me.

He puts it back.

"The one about the brain surgeon and the cat. You didn't hear me? I told it at the
conference and no one laughed."

"I heard it, Dr. Cullen. I thought it was funny," Jasper chimes in, saving my ass
umm.

This is the part where my mom brings Jasper and me into a group hug. She kisses
our faces and tells us she loves us both so much. So, so much and that we better
take care of each other in California. She hears that California is full of gang
members and Lakers fans. That comment causes my mom and dad to get into a
debate on the Lakers and the Raiders: Two different sports but which fans are more
violent?

When things start to get tense, I leave and Jasper follows. My parents are so
weird.

I'm almost to my room, doing a good job of avoiding Jasper. He grabs my hand,
pulling me back. Jerking my hand back. I tell him to leave me the fuck alone for a
- 50 -
while. Jasper doesn't take this for an answer and pushes me up against the wall
beside my brother's room.

He's close, so fucking close. His chest is pressed again mine. His nose skin along
my jaw bone and his hands, fist angrily into my shirt. "You're going to listen to me."
he breathes into my neck, lips near my ear.

"Fuck you, I'm not listening to shit."

Jasper pulls me forward by my shirt and slams me into the wall. My back hits hard,
making a thumping sound. Jasper waits a few minutes, making sure my parents
don't hear us before he does it again.

"This isn't only happening to you. Don't leave me out."

His words are frustrated and his hands are livid but the rest of his body language
is patronizing. His knee is between my legs, our bodies completely flush and his lips
so fucking close I can practically taste them. His arousal is apparent, evoking my
body to have it's own reaction.

"I don't want to talk about it," I tell him, struggling to get out of his hold.

"Well, I do." He struggles to keep his voice from breaking.

We're both breathing, practically sharing breaths. My cheeks heat up, and his
hands become less irate. He loosens up his grip, and I've totally lost my fucking
mind. I want to kiss him so badly, so fucking badly it literally hurts. My arms are at
my sides, palms flat on the wall. Jasper pushes himself into me; I close my eyes and
just feel.

His lips touch slightly, only briefly at the corner of my mouth and right when I'm
about to give into this chaos and say fuck it, my brothers bedroom door opens.
Jasper is quick to move away from me. I try to stand normally and control my
breathing.

Tyler and Seth walk out of the room, hair all fucked up and tired. "What's up,
dudes?" Seth asks as they walk past.

"See you guys at school tomorrow," Jasper says, following them down stairs to
shut the door.

I go straight into my room and shut the door. I turn on my X-box and zone into
- 51 -
another world. My reality is too fucked up right now, but it's nothing that Grand
Theft Auto cant fix. I turn the volume up high and steal some fucking cars while
killing hookers and shooting at the cops.

I can't believe they sell this shit to kids.

Jasper comes in twenty minutes later, he tells me that my parents are still arguing
over the violence in California and all of our friends have left.

"Oh, and Bella has called you six times."

I press pause, throw him the second remote and without another word we play
X-box for hours. For a little while shit is back to normal. We fight over who has the
best car and I catch Jasper using cheat codes. He bitches because I have the better
game chair.

My mom orders us pizza for dinner. The entire day passes and all we did was play
X-box. I turn it off to eat and we watch some TV but the tension is back. Mom comes
in and complains about us eating in my room. I shower her with my trademark smirk
and she leaves us alone.

"You're such a mama's boy," Jasper scoffs, giving me his pepperonis.

I take them and give him my olives, he takes my olives and wipes off all of the
cheese. Jasper likes bread, sauce and olives on his pizza. I like bread, cheese and
pepperoni.

"Fuck off," I mumble, taking a big bite of my pizza.

We're both pretending to watch TV. I can hear every bite he takes. I listen while
he chews and when he swallows, when he drinks and when he wipes his face off on
my fucking blanket. Aware of every single move he makes. When he asks me about
the show were watching, I don't have an answer because I forgot what we're
watching in the first place.

A little more time passes, we've eaten the entire pizza. Both of us throwing our
crust into the box because we both hate the crust. Jasper clears his throat. I give
him my attention.

"I don't think I'm going to fuck around with Alice anymore."

Awkward.
- 52 -
 "Why?"

Jasper stands, tying his shoes and grabbing his keys. I want to ask him to stay. We
stay the night with each other most nights, but he's been here all weekend and we
have school tomorrow.

"I don't know. I'm just not."

Standing in the center of my room, in front of the TV with his keys and his shoes
on, I feel like one of us should say something but what the fuck is there to say other
than I'll see you tomorrow?

I go to bed, can't close my eyes for shit. My mind is running with my thoughts
racing. Over and over and over the weekend plays over and over in my mind. I fidget
and toss, turn and grumble. I want sleep but I can only think about Jasper. I find
myself sleeping on the right side of the bed, leaving the left side untouched. The
more and more I think about it Jasper always sleeps on the left side; it's the same
when I sleep over at his house too. This conclusion makes me laugh out loud. We
have sides.

How fucking gay.

It's one in the morning, I pick up my cell and turn the power on. Before I have a
chance to text Jasper my phone goes ape-shit with text messages from Bella, Lauren
and who ever else was over my house during the weekend. My mind is so fucked
over by Jasper, I almost forgot that my heart is still a little wounded over Bella. Her
apologies mean nothing. Her confessions of guilt and her remorseful words are shit.
I erase all of them until my in-box is empty. Three words are all I need to say,
hopefully he'll understand that I know nothing and he isn't alone: You're a fag-E

Almost right away he replies: Can't sleep either?-J

I text him that I'll see him in the morning, plugging my phone in and falling into a
half-ass sleep.

Waking up without Jasper's morning wood is a somewhat pleasant surprise. I slept

- 53 -
like shit, not exactly looking forward to the school day but it's almost over. Five days
until graduation, and a few weeks after that I'll officially live in California and none
of this will matter.

Showering, I dress in a pair of jeans and a gray v-neck. I rush downstairs,

grabbing a banana. I take a good hard look at it and trade the banana for an apple.
Dad is already out the door on the way to the hospital and Mom is making some
coffee while watching some girl nonsense on the TV.

I pat the top of her head. She kisses my cheek and Jasper walks through the front
door.

"Good morning, Cullen family. I am here."

I nod, throwing him an apple. Mom greets him and we're ready to leave out the
front door but Dad comes running in through the back.

"Edward, I need you to mail this." He hands me an envelope, addressed for

California. "It's the down payment for your apartment. I sent the tuition but this you
have to do for me."

This makes all of this a little more real.

"I'll do it after school."

After a manly hug, Dad kisses mom and is back out the door. I stuff the envelope
into my backpack and walk out ahead of Jasper. His car is still running. I open the
door and get in. Shit is still a little odd but not as bad as yesterday.

We arrive at school and talk to the same people and go about our day like it was
any normal Monday. Jasper and I hang most of the day, avoiding any type of physical
or eye contact with one another. True to his words, Jasper stays clear of Alice. Bella
is a little harder to out run but I go most of the day without running into her.

Rumors run like crazy: Bella and I broke up because I caught her having sex with
Embry Call. Bella and I broke up because she is having a baby with Embry Call.
Bella and I broke up because I caught her on a phone call with Embry. Bella and I
broke up because I cheated on her with Lauren. Lauren and I are having a baby.
Lauren and I have been dating behind Bella's back for a year and Embry Call caught
us.

It's ridiculous and fucking stupid.

- 54 -
 By the end of the day I am exhausted and ready to leave. Being my senior year and
the last week of school I have nothing to do in class but stare at the wall. My last
class, Government /Economics, is one of three classes Jasper and I share together.
He sits right next to me, looking as exhausted as I feel.

"Alice is such a bitch," he mumbles.

"At least you didn't make a baby mama out of Lauren Mallory."

He looks at me with raised eyebrows. "That shit is true?"

If we were not in class I would punch him in the fucking face for being so fucking
stupid. Besides, he knows exactly who I was with after Lauren pulled her stunt in my
living room, and it wasn't her.

Class passes by slowly, I try to concentrate on the lecture but this shit is pointless.
I've already gotten into college, it's paid for and guaranteed. Jasper must sense my
restlessness; he draws stupid pictures of titties on the cover of his book. We laugh
and get into trouble. Next Jasper draws a vagina and writes Mike's name above it.

Taking his lead, I draw a vagina on my book and name it Jasper. He draws a
schlong and names it Edward. We're giggling like a couple of school girls, all red
and snorting. We sit in the back corner along the wall so no one can see how
childish we're being. Halfway through class our book covers are covered in dongs
and titties. Our teacher is getting frustrated but leaves us alone.

I didn't even realize that Jasper and I were fucking gravitating towards the other.
Our chairs just seem to have moved themselves and our legs and thighs are
touching. We both notice at the same time, both blushing some. Jasper pulls out a
pack of Red Vines from his back pack, offering me one.

I take it because licorice is fucking awesome.

Here we are, all close and touching, vagina's and peens drawn all over our stuff,
eating candy. We are completely silent. The class has forgotten about us, but I'm
super aware of Jasper yet again.

He moves his foot over until his shoe is touching mine. Maybe I spread my legs a
little wide so that my thigh can lean on his. He slouches down in his chair, our arms
are completely touching.

I eat my candy, watching him from the corner of my eye. His hand slowly sneaks
- 55 -
its way over to me. My dick must know what coming before I do because it reacts to
the nearness of his hand. Jasper's hand is between our chairs. His hand is on my
knee. It moves up my leg. My licorice is hanging on my lips. My eyes glued on his
hand.

My heart is beating disturbingly fast, like way too fucking quickly. Shoving the
entire licorice in my mouth I chew while his hand creeps its way onto my junk. I
react quickly, grabbing my back pack and setting it on my lap, over his hand. This
girl, Bree, who sits in front of us looks back like we're disturbing her education or
something.

Jasper's hand rubs over my aching hard-on, eventually unbuttoning my jeans and
unzipping my zipper like he's fucking Houdini or some shit. His exterior plays it
cool, eating his licorice and looking around the room like nothing is happening,
meanwhile his hand is gripped around the base of my cock.

I lean forward, folding my arms on the top of my back pack and hiding my face in
my arms.

"You're such an asshole," I whisper to him.

He laughs, giving me one good pump. I turn my head to look at him, he isn't
looking at me. He's eating candy and acting like a smug mother fucker. What he is
doing feels good, getting your dick touched feels fucking fantastic. He is good with
his strokes, being in the middle of a full classroom makes it that much more
stimulating.

But fuck him.

Taking the heel of my foot, I bring it down hard on top of his foot.

Wrong move; Jasper grabs a hold of my dick in a strong man grip, pulls that shit
and practically makes me scream. I have to bite on my back pack to keep from
crying, but like nothing happened Jasper is right back to making me feel good and
now I'm keeping myself from moaning. He's fast, in it for the win pumping fast,
using my pre-cum to lubricate the head of my dick.

Bree looks back at us again. I've got my face buried in my back-pack, but I hear
Jasper ask her what the fuck she is looking at.

Falling further forward, I lean onto my desk and lay my warm face on the cool
desk top. Jasper still isn't looking at me. I close my eyes and go for the ride. I've
- 56 -
never been jerked off at school before but it's cool as fuck. Only a couple of minutes
go by before I'm cumming in my pants and all over Jasper's hand. I pound my fist
down on the desk. Jasper coughs to cover the noise. I'm practically fucking his hand
at this point, looking to have the orgasm last a little longer. Managing to keep my
breathing under control, I look up and scope the class. With the exception of Bree no
one even took the time to notice Jasper and me.

The bell rings as soon as I'm done cumming. Jasper pulls his hand away. I button
my pants and get right out of my seat.

I'm a little pissed; what if someone would have caught on to what he was doing?
What if Bree realizes we were fucking around?

Jasper is calling me, but I'm out the door before he pronounces the 'ward' in
Edward.

Out in the parking lot, everything kind of comes at me all at once. Bella is in my
face, Lauren is here and Alice is bitching about Jasper. I'm over whelmed and tired. I
don't want to deal with any of it.

I'm ready to lose it.

When Jasper grabs me by my arm, I decide that I'm sick and fucking tired of him
grabbing on me and I lay him out. One good punch to his mouth, his lip busts open
and he is on his back.

Alice screams like a typical bitch, Lauren takes my hand and in spite of everything
I go with her while ignoring Bella and looking Jasper right in the eye. Lauren tells
me she can take me home. I want to feel bad for my behavior but I'm too upset to act
on my shame.

What the fuck is he doing to me?

Lauren takes me by the post office on the way back to my house. I smile while
handing the envelope over to the postal worker. That envelope with that check is my
way out, it is the answer to what has become my life. I don't know what kind of cruel
joke is being played on me but a small white envelope is the light at the end of a
fucked up tunnel.

Being polite I invite Lauren in. I don't want to mess around with her, wanting only
to sleep. I let her look through some of my music and shit while I lie in bed. She is
talking. I give her short yes and no answers. My dumb ass wasn't even listening for
- 57 -
the front door, I should have guessed he would come here, but I was still taken off
guard when Jasper came crashing through my bedroom door.

His mouth isn't bleeding anymore but he's visibly angry. "What the fuck, Edward?"

"Lauren, you should go," I say in a calm and collective tone not even bothering to
lift my head from my pillow.

Thankfully she doesn't put up much of a fight and just goes. Jasper kicks the side
of my bed. I open a eye and look at his face.

"What?"

He laughs. "What? That all you have to say to me?"

I lean up on my elbows, taking a good look at his face. His lips is busted and
swollen, I feel bad. I really do, but I'm fed up. I've reached my limit of bullshit and
need a time out.

"What do you want me to say, Jasper?"

He only looks at me, searching for something I don't think I can give him. The
anger glides off of his body, the only thing left is disappointment.

It's disappointing, this entire situation is fucking disappointing.

I owe him more than this.

Jasper closes the door on his way out. It takes about point three seconds before I
start feeling like a prick. I try going down stairs and eating Salsa Verde Doritos but
it's not the same without Jasper. I play some X-box but I hate X-box without Jasper. I
take a shower and brush my teeth but none of it is as cool as it used to be.

My mom comes home, makes me dinner. She asks about Jasper and I get mad. I
yell at her, then I say I'm sorry.

Lying in bed, watching cartoons with my arms crossed over my chest, I feel like a
punk. I am a punk. I punked out. I couldn't deal with a little pressure, hurt my
friend's feelings and took it all out on him.

Never once did I consider his feelings.

- 58 -
 Picking up my phone, I text him as fast as I can.

Want to come over and watch Rambo?-E. It's the manliest thing I can think of.
Although, Chuck Norris is even more masculine.

He doesn't reply so I try again.

We can eat steak and work out-E. Again, sticking to the tough man activities.

Two minutes later he replies: Only if we can do steroids and look at titties on the
internet-J

- 59 -
 Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jasper

I have been in love with Edward Cullen since we were nine years old.

Just kidding.

The Cullen's moved in next door when Edward and I were kids who still played in
the mud. When Dr. Cullen was offered a job at Forks General, he swiftly and eagerly
accepted, fearful of his children growing up in a big metropolitan like Seattle, where
they originally lived. He craved a small town life, safe and cozy for his wife and kids.
And what better place to move other than here?

Barf.

Our parents got along, Emmett and Peter got along, but Edward and me - I didn't
want anything to do with him. I felt bad for Edward; his mom dressed him in
suspenders and velcro shoes. He had a bowl haircut and crossed eyes.

Yeah, he got that shit fixed when we were twelve.

Edward was a geek.

As if his bowl haircut and crossed eyes weren't enough, as a child he was allergic
to everything. Edward was always sick, complaining about getting sick, or getting
over a sickness. His mom caked him in sun block, shoved him full of vitamins, and
made Eddie wear elbow pads and a fucking helmet in order to jump on the
trampoline.

Esme and Dr. Cullen are cool but they babied Edward to the point of ridicule. I
used to make fun of him, throw rocks and make him cry. I felt bad. but Edward was
a nerd, and he didn't do boy shit like the rest of us did. Edward was the strange tall
kid with the fucked up hair and eyes. Mom had to start bribing me with cookies to

- 60 -
get me to even give him the time of day. I really wanted those cookies so I allowed
Edward to tag along while me and my other friends built jumps and lit ants on fire.
Who would have thought years from the very first day I invited him over I would be
fucking him in his bedroom?

He's my best friend. My best friend to death.

Some corrective surgery on his eyes and a decent hair cut later, Edward turned
out to be pretty fucking cool. His mom still wipes off his face with a little spit and
her thumb, but he isn't the recluse he was when he and his family moved to Forks. I
can't imagine my childhood without him. Every memory I have includes Edward
because the truth is, even when his eyes were all jacked and his hair was all lame, I
felt stupid for never playing with him. I even apologized for throwing rocks and
making him cry.

Don't tell anyone, but when he did have that surgery to fix his crooked eye I
cried. Yeah, I did. I cried all fucking day because I thought he was going to die. My
mom, brother and dad all tried to convince me the surgery was only minor, but I
didn't believe them. I didn't stop crying until they took me over to the Cullen's when
Edward got home. He had this bad-ass patch on. I was all jealous. I was also relieved
he wasn't dead.

Besides my family, Edward is the most important person to me. We do everything

together, always have. Before he met Bella we both got our dicks blown by Jessica
Stanley at the same time. It was the first time either of us got our wankers sucked. I
should have known then that some bullshit like this was going to happen. Thinking
back on that day, I remember looking at Edward's cock I remember thinking that
it looked pretty cool glistening in the low light of the movie theater. How fucking
gay is that? Pretty gay if you ask me.

How in the fucking, fuckity was I supposed to know that our friendship and duel
cock sucking was going to land me here? I'm so damn confused I don't know which
way is up and what direction is out.

I kissed him first!

It started off with some mutual wrestling, some cuss words and Doritos the next
thing I know I'm kissing Edward and sucking on his Adams-apple like it's the mother
fucking key to life. Like sucking on his Adams-apple was the answer to all. I was
licking that shit ... kissing it a bunch. I may have even moaned against it.

His Adams-apple is pretty fucking extraordinary, though. It's all dominant and cool
- 61 -
looking.

Point? I started this shit, now I don't know what to do.

Edward is being strange and distant. I jerked him off in class, and who the hell
does that? He liked it. though. I know he did. There was some distinct love behind
that punch he gave me in the parking lot at school. He and I have a tendency to
speak with our fists. I know what an anger punch from Edward feels like and that
wasn't it.

Pissed me the fuck off, though.

Maybe I don't blame him; knowing only one way of loving your entire life and
having it change on a whim leaves one pretty interrupted and baffled. I'm ready to
talk about it, clear the air and move on. Edward, being the stupid sissy bitch he is
sometimes, is hiding from me. He hid in his parent's room earlier and after he
punched me he left with Lauren instead of driving home with me like we do
everyday

I've always been the strong one of us two; Edward gets his feeling hurt quickly,
and he isn't as open with his emotions as I am, and he doesn't deal well under
stress. The way Edward deals with tension is to hide and listen to sappy love songs
all day. I, on the other hand, want to hit this head on.

We fucked, deal with it.

Don't let it ruin our friendship.

It's not like we're some closet cases. I still like tits and vagina, there is nothing
better than a good pussy. I love women; I like the way girls smell. I love their shiny
lips and rosy cheeks. There is nothing better than a big set of fake titties, or the
sounds a pretty girl will make when you cause her to moan, or the way she screams
out my name in vain in the heat of passion.

I don't love Edward, not like that. Everything is all screwed up; we crossed some
sort of line, but I don't think it's as bad as Edward is making it out to be. We're not
gay, not in a relationship, and no one other than the two of us will ever have to
know. I just need him to speak to me. Leaving his room earlier stung; he had nothing
to say.

Like a crazy ex-girlfriend, I left his room and drove home ready to burn every
single picture of him and I together. I gathered all of his shit and threw it into a box
- 62 -
labeled, Edward. Mom was banging on my bedroom door, screaming at me to turn
the music down and to watch her walls. I was tempted to smash Edward's
skateboard through her fucking wall; two birds, one stone. But as I sat there,
pictures of Edward and I scattered all over the place and all of his belongings in a
box, I felt bad.

Edward has always been one Leona Lewis song away from slitting his wrists
(hypothetically of course). He's a momma's boy and a sissy, emo crybaby. Edward
requires hugs, not burnt pictures and a broken skateboard. I've dealt with him and
his closed off emotions since we were kids. He isn't an open book, so this is where I
need to be understanding and give him some space.

I went to bed, stared at the ceiling, and beat myself up over the stupidity of our
situation. Wide awake and anxiety ridden, I was about to give up and call the
asshole myself.

He called me first.

Technically, he texted.

Texts are less gay.

Texts are definitely less gay when their contents are about Chuck Norris and
steak.

I was up and out of bed by the time I sent my reply; Edward only lives next door,
but it's not like that. Next door on this side of Forks is really half a block, so I drove.
My car was freezing, my breath made the air turn white, and I was shivering like a
motherfucker. Edward was standing on the porch waiting for me when I drove up
his driveway. No words were said and no touching was exchanged. We didn't even
look at each other; went upstairs, got on our sides of the bed and went to sleep.

Two days passed and shit slowly returned to normal. Edward and I didn't fuck
around; we didn't even talk about fucking around. We went to school, I grabbed
Alice's tit once, and Edward played hide and go seek with Bella; he was constantly
hiding. We were back to being best friends like, except I have a constant boner I'm
always trying to hide.

Let's blame it on the Alice titty grab, it's less gay.

Edward and I sleep together; sleep not fuck, every night. Me on the left side of
the bed, him on the right. No words, just sleep. Wednesday night after dinner with
- 63 -
the Cullen's, I'm ready to go home but Edward gives me a look. He is a needy
wanker, so I stay over and we watch The Ultimate Fighter until we both crash.

It's Thursday morning when the fun really begins.

There has been a constant banging on the door for the last ten minutes; if it
doesn't stop I might attack a motherfucker.

"Edward," I groan, shoving my head beneath my pillow.

Edward sleeps like the dead; the pounding on his door won't stop. Turning over
onto my back, kicking my feet and swinging my arms in the air, I sit up. The sun isn't
even up, it's four in the morning and I'm tired. I shake Edward. His eyes open but
only for a moment before he turns over and snores really fucking loudly.

"Somebody better be dead!" I scream, pulling on a pair of shorts.

"Oh, come of you fags open the door for me."

Emmett?

Reluctantly, I unlock the door and swing that shit open. Standing in front of me in
all his glory is Edward's brother, Emmett. This can only mean that my brother Peter
isn't far behind. The slap to my stomach indicates that my suspicions are correct.

I crouch over, coughing while my brother and Emmett laugh their asses off at my
expense.

"So, what's going on?" Peter pats my shoulder, moving past me to ball tap Edward
in his sleep. "You boys all shacked up in here? It smells like sex."

"That was last week," I mumble, playing along.

Edward is gasping for air, holding his balls I swallow hard because that shit
turns me on.

Our brothers are drunk; we have been through this our entire lives. Soon they will
get tired and leave us alone, until then I have to get back into bed before they
realize I'm sporting wood over Edward's dick grabbing.

Emmett is hitting Edward in the head with a pillow - over and over. Peter has
successfully passed out in the game chair. I give a small thanks to the Lord; he
- 64 -
wouldn't ever have let it go if he discovered my wood.

Cuddling back into my blankets, I watch and even laugh as Emmett fucks with
Edward. He finally gives up after a couple of minutes and falls between us on his
back. Edward elbows him but it does no damage, only makes Emmett laugh.

"What are you doing here?" Edward mumbles.

"Got here last night, you chicks were already locked up and sleeping." He points a
thumb at Edward and me.

Edward rolls his eyes, and I pretend to be sleeping. They talk a little about our
high school graduation that's in two days. Emmett tries to talk Edward into ditching,
but falls asleep before Edward can tell him no. Now I have this two-hundred pound
monster snoring in my face, smelling like booze.

I am no longer sporting wood.

I manage to fall asleep for another couple of hours and get out of bed when
Emmett drapes his leg over my body. The morning is a lot like the last two mornings
have been. Edward and I shower, separately and with the door closed. We eat no
bananas. I drive to school, he runs from Bella, and I act cool in front of Alice.

She is starting to wonder why I haven't called her all week. Alice wants my
schlong but she can't have it.

"Why?" she whines.

Throwing my arm over her shoulders, Alice lifts her chin a little higher. "Why
what, baby?"

She likes this shit, being my arm candy. Alice doesn't care about me; I'm sure she
cares about my well being, she might even like me, but not in a way two people
should care about each other when they're having sex.

Why do I suddenly care about this shit?

I have no fucking idea, but it breaks my heart. There is no better sight then my
dick between Alice's fake titties. I will miss her tits when this is all over and Edward
and I are in California.

"Why don't you want me anymore?" Her lip is pouting; it's so damn cute I want to
- 65 -
bite it then stick my dick between them.

I laugh, stopping our stroll in front of her next class. My fingers run along her
collar bone. I kiss her cheek. Moving her long hair off of her shoulder, I kiss her
neck.

Looking up, Edward is at his locker.

Backing away from Alice, my cheeks are flaming red. I can feel his eyes on me,
piercing through my fucking skull. He is just standing there, looking interrogating
and harassing me with his big green eyes. My heart is pounding against my chest,
palms sweating, and the hairs on the back of my neck are standing straight up.

Alice is doing a better job about making sure everyone is seeing me touch her than
noticing my obvious distress. I whisper into her ear that I will always want her, that
she is beautiful, and her tits are fucking amazing. Alice giggles. Edward shuts his
locker and walks away. That is when I whisper into Alice's ear that I've just been
busy and I promise to call her this weekend. I won't, it's just the best I can come up
with at the moment.

Waving her into her classroom, I chase after Edward. He is all the way down the
hall, but I catch him before he goes into his room.

"Umm that was nothing."

Edward runs his hand through his hair. "Okay."

All of those avoided feelings and evaded conversations have returned to the
surface. The hallway is empty; leaving only Edward after the bell has rung.

We're face to face, all jittery and shit. His hand keeps running through his hair. I
just stand in front of him with my hands in my pockets, whistling.

"I have to go."

Coughing, clearing my throat. "Yeah, me too."

We turn around at the same time. I let out a huge breathe and head straight for
the bathroom. There is nothing wrong with whacking off in the boy's restroom in the
middle of a school day.

There may be something weird about thinking about your best friend and his fuck
- 66 -
awesome hair while you're doing it, though.

After making love to myself, I head back to class. The day flies by; it's the last day
of school for us seniors and that doesn't leave us with much to do. I flirt with the
girls; eat lunch with Edward and at the end of the day we book it. I'm not interested
in hanging around after school and crying while making up bullshit stories about
keeping in touch after I leave for college. I save Edward from Bella's crying grip and
we leave. Peeling out of the high school parking lot, we leave everyone in a cloud of
smoke.

"Still upset about Bella?" I can tell by his face he is. Girls have a way of breaking
your heart before spitting on it.

Edward laughs; it's the first time in three days he has authentically laughed about
something. He reaches forward, digging through his backpack; Edward sticks a
cigarette between his lips and lights it with a lighter we keep in the ashtray of my
car. If this were another day, another week or month when shit wasn't already so
fucked up, I would punch him in the mouth for lighting up in my baby.

Smoking in my Chevelle? Fucking blasphemy!

My hands tighten around the steering wheel; I keep them held tight in order not to
pull his hair like a school yard bitch.

I should burn his eyes out with his own cigarette.

Edward doesn't catch my drift; slowly he rolls down his window, clearing the cab
of my car of cigarette smoke. I watch him from the corner of my eye, afraid that if I
look him dead on I might murder him.

Edward runs his hand through his hair, letting his smoke hang from the very
edges of his lips. Leaning back, he rests his head on the seat and closes his eyes.
After a couple minutes of watching him, I notice how the cigarette relaxed his entire
body, and I'm not so mad anymore.

The first time Edward smoked a cigarette was when we were fifteen. It was our
- 67 -
first party, Emmett and Peter made us go. I think Emmett did it to be a dick, forced
Edward to smoke and at first Edward thought it was cool. Three cigarettes later,
Emmett was teaching Edward a lesson and Edward was puking his guts out in the
front yard of Rosalie Hale's house.

Edward never gave the habit up. He isn't a chain smoker. He only does it when we
drink or when he's stressed. Watching him now, the way his lips wrap around the
butt of his smoke and how smoothly the smoke exhales through his nose He's
making me hard again.

"I'm past being upset over Bella, Jasper." A small puff of smoke escapes his mouth
with the "sper" in Jasper.

My hand holds the steering wheel unbelievably tighter. Only this time I don't want
to murder him, I want to stick my dick in his mouth.

I wonder if smoke would come out of his mouth while he was sucking my cock?
Fuck that would be so sexy.

"You okay, bro?" Edward pushes me by my arm.

"Yeah?" I squeak, making it sound more like a question.

"Oh, fuck. Sorry, Jazz, I didn't even realize." Edward puts the cigarette out in the
ash tray before flicking it out the window.

My mind is screaming bloody murder for two reasons: A) he just put a fucking
cigarette out in my pristine ash tray. B) He no longer has his lips wrapped around
anything

My dick would be a wonderful replacement.

"It's alright." Throat. So. Fucking. Dry.

My dick is so hard, so freaking hard. I kind of fidget and spread my legs wider,
trying to get my pole to fall between my legs so I can trap it between my thighs. I'm
coughing; Edward probably thinks I'm humping my seat. He doesn't seem to notice
my colossal hard-on, he's too busy complaining about Bella and her new stalking
ways.

I take a more obvious route; pretending to scratch my balls. It doesn't work, the
moment my hand presses down on my junk, I moan. I cover the moan with a cough,
- 68 -
smiling at Edward when he stops talking.

Lifting my eyebrows, I encourage him to continue.

Cautiously, he does.

Edward is very animated with his dialogue, using his hands and making weird
faces. It's all good; he keeps himself occupied while I drive with one hand on the
steering wheel and the other on my dick. I'm subtle with my hand movement, giving
myself just enough friction to sooth the pain.

"She's a crazy bitch!" Edward exclaims.

I nod, and stroke a little, saying, "I hate to tell you I told you so." Shits and giggles.

I'm driving, stroking, and listening when it dawns on me, this is the second time
today I have touched myself with the thought of Edward.

Am I gay?

Nah, I like cooter and my dick still moves at the thought of vagina.

Pussy, pulsate not gay.

My pulsating cock supports my stand on remaining heterosexual.

Or is it pulsating because I just creamed my pants, stroking myself thinking about

Edward?

Pulling into Edward's drive-way, he is still blabbing about Bella. I turn the car off
and run to the front door. I hear him call my name and ask me what the fuck? I keep
running, through the door and up the stairs, into Edward room and then his
bathroom.

Seriously, I jizzed my pants.

After cleaning myself up, I open the bathroom door. Edward is standing in the
middle of his room with a confused expression. I walk past him, jumping onto his
bed face first. I can feel him looking at me, more words hanging in the air. I'm about
to say something, anything when our brothers come crashing in through the
bedroom door. Peter jumps on my back, Emmett puts Edward in a headlock.

- 69 -
 After Peter has shoved my face into the mattress for an entire five minutes he
finally backs off. "You're coming out with us tonight."

I shake my head, Edward chest kicks Emmett and they fall to the ground. "No, we
have graduation tomorrow."

Peter snorts, Edward agrees with me, but Emmett tells us to stop being fags and
to live a little.

If he only knew.

Emmett has Edward in a rear naked choke hold. "Graduation isn't until tomorrow
night, get dressed bitches we're going out."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me?" I laugh, looking up at the fine
establishment our brothers have brought us to.

Peter pats my back, hard. "You're about to get schooled in vagina, Brother. Tuck
your dick and get in there." He pushes me forward and laughs when I bump into the
security guard.

They all laugh when Emmett pushes Edward into me.

"Welcome to Girls, Girls, Girls," the humongous bouncer, with crossed arms and
an eye patch says.

Emmett hands him a wad of cash, pushes us through the door and tells the guy it's
our first time seeing pussy, we're a little nervous.

Edward and I are eighteen, neither one of us have ever been to a strip club. The
closest one is here in Seattle and we never took the time to drive this far, but it's
exactly like how I imagined. Strippers smell like flowers, glitter is everywhere
there's a pole and a DJ and weird guys with mustaches and a group of college boys.
Girls are walking around in thongs and high heels.

My dick is pulsating like a motherfucker.

- 70 -
 Edward wears the same expression as me.

We've hit the pussy jackpot and may never go back!

After taking our seats at the front of the stage, Peter and Emmett are throwing
bills at the girl in the black fishnet body suit. She is twirling and swirling on the
pole she even shoves Peter's face between her titties.

Edward and I can't help but laugh, it's a nervous laugh. We've both dipped in
pussy enough times to know what it's all about but these girls, they're different. It's
like porn in real life, they whisper dirty words into your ear and pull your hair.

And let me tell you, strippers love Edward's hair.

Emmett and Peter buy us each a lap dance and it's a spiritual experience. Look but
don't touch it's tantalizing. Halfway through the night, we've blown our savings
and smell like flowers. Our brothers take us out back and we get high. Now Edward
and I have the fucking giggles.

The weed kind of shifts the mood.

I'm aware of the excessive amount of vagina that is flowing around the room, but
I'm also highly aware of Edward. I think he is aware of me, too.

Our brothers are too far gone to notice what we're doing. Edward and I take a seat
in the back while they have themselves surrounded by strippers and glitter.

"I'm so high." Edward laughs, his head falling onto my shoulder.

"Me too!" I yell over the bass of the music.

He takes a drink of his water the drink turns into a gulp. Gulps that cause his
Adams-apple to move so fucking nicely. It bobs up and down with each drink, a small
drop of water falls from the corner of his mouth down his chin and onto his shirt.

"I Googled gay sex."

Edward coughs out his water, eyes wide open. "Why?"

Laughing, this is so fucking stupid. "I don't know." I laugh some more. Edward has
water running down his chin. "I just did."

- 71 -
 We're both laughing; I'll leave out the part about feeling bad for his hurt ass the
other day. I never went into that night with intentions of doing it again, even after I
jerked him off in the bathroom, I never thought the actual sex was ever more than a
one time fuck up. I just couldn't help myself. Edward was asleep, Sponge Bob was
over, and I had my Blackberry.

I Googled gay sex.

It was nasty; the images that popped up we're enough to make me gag. Cocks,
cocks, and more cocks. Dicks were everywhere all over my blackberry. Gay sex is
fucking gross, but it wasn't like that when Edward and I were doing it. The cocks on
the screen of my phone were not a turn-on either, however, the simple thought of
Edward's is enough to make me whack off three times a day.

The girly-men don't do it for me either.

I understand having an identity crisis and being born the wrong gender. No one
understands that more than myself - Especially now, but just because you're gay
doesn't mean you have to trade your dick in for a vagina.

I was about to give up. I wasn't into the different sized peckers and images of
weird homo-sex when I found what I was looking for although, I didn't even know
what or why I was looking for it.

"I can't believe you Googled gay sex." I can hear the hysteria behind his comical
tone; Edward is nervous, but so am I.

I begin ripping apart a napkin, tossing the pieces onto the floor. "Yeah, turns out
we did it all wrong. That's why you were so sore the next day."

"Oh, yeah," Edward mumbles.

Does he realize he is sitting so fucking close? That every time he laughs his
shoulder rubs against mine. His hair is in a disarray, so many different girls have
run their fingers through it but all I can imagine is pulling that shit while I fuck him,
hard. Our knees touch and our breathing becomes haggard, raspy.

Fuck.

Placing my lips at his ear and whisper, "Technically I took your virginity." I watch
as the goosebumps rise on his arm, Edward leans into me. I kiss the spot right under
his jaw bone. "Technically that makes you mine."
- 72 -
 Sweet mother, I am so fucking high what the hell is happening?

Edward clears his throat. "Fuck you." Not so convincing.

I back away, laughing a little. Our brothers are two seconds away from getting
their dicks sucked by a line of strippers. They aren't paying attention to us, so I get
up and walk to the bathroom. It's not until I reach the actual restroom and have to
look myself in the face when I freak the fuck out.

I'm staring at my reflection, not even recognizing the person looking back. I run
my hands through my hair, wet my face, on the brink of tears when Edward walks
in, and suddenly, it doesn't matter anymore.

It is what it is.

This is definitely a "What the fuck" moment. What the fuck am I supposed to do
next?

"This is weird." Edward turns to leave the restroom but I stop him, pulling him
back by his arm.

His body is pressed against mine; he is a tall motherfucker, strong and well built; I
can feel his strength and his nervousness. Can he feel mine? Does he know how
fucking scared I am? That my mind is running wild, my bones shake and my blood
flows so thickly I can feel it beneath my skin? Does he notice my uneven breathing
or my shaking hands?

Reaching behind his body, towards the bathroom door - I lock it. Edward's breath
catches. I don't give him a chance to breathe before I have him pushed back and
pressed against the cold tile wall. His back hits with a slight thump and his fingers
tighten into my shirt on my back.

I'm looking him in the eye; such a smug motherfucker. Lame crooked smile; same
smile all the girls swoon at. Let's see if he's still smiling when I have my cock so far
up his ass he'll forget he even has lips to smile with.

Hesitation is thrown out the door, my lips crash onto his. It's awkward for about a
split second before I dive my tongue into his mouth and demand his fucking
attention. My hands are under his shirt, running up his ribs. It pisses me off, it really
does. All this gay shit pisses me the fuck off. I don't want to want my best friend;
fucking Edward was never in the cards. He fucks with my head and leaves me
vulnerable.
- 73 -
 We're fooling around in a mens' restroom for fucks sake, it doesn't get more clich
that this. How many times have you seen senators and rocks stars get busted with
their gay lovers? Tons, and always in a fucking restroom. Edward and I are skipping
the foot touch under the stall part and going straight into the fucking if that
doesn't make me one gay son of a bitch, I don't know what does.

I'm digging my nails into his skin; Edward is kissing me back, his anger also
noticeable. He pulls my hair and groans into my mouth. Our tongues swirl and
tangle. I kiss down his jaw and laugh into his ear. He tries to push me away after I
laugh, it's a dick move but there is something less intimidating about making this
out of anger. He can have my body as long as he knows my mind isn't completely
here yet.

I laugh again, holding his wrists and pushing his back against the wall for second
time. I bite the area beneath his ear, licking Edward's ear lobe. His erection presses
against my own, inadvertently thrusting against him; we both moan.

"I fucking hate you," I whisper into his ear, only for him to return the sentiment.

In one quick motion, I turn Edward so that his chest is pressed against the wall
and his back is pressed against me. I'm kissing the back of his neck. My hands under
his shirt and my fingers digging into this skin. With my foot I part his legs wide
enough for me to fit between them, rubbing my dick against his ass.

One hand on his back, I tangle the other into his hair so I can pull his head back. I
kiss the side of his face, his jaw bone his lips.

Edward is flushed, eyes hooded and lips pouty. Dropping my hand from his hair, I
reach forward and drop it into the front of his pants. Grabbing his dick at the base;
Edward practically screams out. I whisper in his ear to be quiet, to keep it down, all
while stroking his length until his eyes roll into the back of his head.

"Unbutton your pants, Edward."

His hands go from the wall to his pants in a flash. The sound of him undoing his
belt, unzipping his pants is tormenting. When he is all undone, Edward's hands go
back onto the wall. His palms are flat, set beside his body

Given more room with his pants unfastened, I stroke him good and long. Rubbing
my thumb over the head of his dick, Edward's fingers dig into the tile wall. He
curses my name, leans forward until his forehead is resting beside his hands.

- 74 -
 This is all good, everything feels good, and I've more or less decided, for the
moment, that I'm going to be with Edward again. I like his cock, he some what likes
mine he is a good kisser, has strong arms and shit. But the one thing I can't get
over, and this is really stupid and petty at a time like this, is Edward's head on the
nasty tile wall.

I'm stroking his dick, my own piece dying to get some of that ass Edward is
moaning, fighting for composure. I'm looking at the wall, at his forehead while
having an inner battle on whether or not I should inform him about germs and
bacteria. Hands on the wall was bad enough, forehead is borderline disturbing but
I'm thinking I can let it pass. It's not until Edward's body slacks and his cheek
touched the tile wall where I interfere.

Releasing his cock, I leave Edward standing by himself.

"What the fuck?" he asks all breathless.

I'm heating up the water from the sink and wetting a shit ton of paper towels. The
soap here sucks balls but hey, nothing is perfect and it will have to do. Edward is
beside himself, cussing and bothered. He is five minutes away from running home
and drowning himself in Michael Bolton when I touch his face with the warm paper
towels. I go on and on about strippers and viruses.

"I bet there is vagina juice all over these walls, Edward."

He laughs, reminding me that we're in the mens' restroom. His laugh his so damn
cute I kiss him.

Fuck, I just said cute. How fucking gay.

After a quick Edward wipe-down, I do the same to the wall. All this talk about
germs and vagina juice has done nothing to reduce my erection. My dick is still
achingly hard and Edward is looking better than ever. His lips feel fantastic and the
anger has boiled over, turning into pure unadulterated lust.

I'm quick, flipping his back against the now clean wall. I pull his pants down to his
knees, releasing my own length from the confines of my skinny jeans.

They're not that skinny, just sayin'.

Edward whimpers, eye closed so fucking tightly. My heart pangs some. I care for
my friend, that's why I Googled gay sex.
- 75 -
 "Edward, I got you." I remind him and then I rip open the package of lube I have in
my back pocket and squirt that shit all over his perky little ass.

It's mint flavor and it's supposed to tingle.

He'll like that shit.

Then I stick my finger up his ass.

"Oh, what the fuck, Jasper!" Edward squeals.

I wiggle my finger a little, laughing at the look on his face. "It's what we did wrong
last time. I need to stretch you first." I add a second finger.

Edward squirms and wines, we're both still high so it's a little funny. I'm scissoring
his ass, it's comical. Google said to do this until he loosens up, neither one of us can
stop laughing so I'm not sure what loosened up feels like. All I know is that my dick
is so hard it hurts and Edward's red cheeks are sexy as fuck.

Have you ever tried to put a condom on with one hand? It's not easy. Still
scissoring, Edward is so kind to lend his teeth to open the condom. Someone tries to
walk into the bathroom; we get real quiet before we laugh really loudly. Edward is
also kind enough to lend a hand in the rolling of the condom. His pinky rubs my
balls, taking the funny out of all of this, leaving nothing but feel-good behind.

Edward catches my flow; he holds his breath while I line my dick at his hole.
Kissing the back of his neck, he moans, reaching back to hold onto my shirt.

"Jasper, you have to hurry," he breathes.

Slowly pressing the head of my penis into him, an overwhelming sensation leaves
me paralyzed. I remember this so fucking well, how good it felt to be inside of him.
Edward is tighter than any pussy I've ever stuck my dick in. I'm sure to take my
time, we have to hurry but with the way Edward is gasping for breath, I don't want
to hurt him.

"Are you okay?" I ask, finding it hard to form the simple words.

He nods, I press into him further. My eyes roll into the back of my head, teeth
biting into the top of his shoulder. I press my chest against his back just as I'm
filling him with the rest of my cock. Goosebumps form up and down my arms, my
knees shake and my breath is shallow.
- 76 -
 Pressing my forehead against his shoulder. "Fuck you're so fucking good." I pull
out, I slide back in.

It's other worldly and completely fucked up how good Edward feels and how much
I like it. He turns his head, our lips touch briefly I groan loudly against his cheek.
After taking it slow for a couple of strokes, Edward feels lose so I up my pace.

Then I up it some more.

Without resistance, I pull out and slam in. My balls clashing with Edwards, our
bodies moving together. I place my hands over his and we hold on while I fuck him
relentlessly. Neither one of us is quiet, the room is filled with half moans and loud
breathing. The sound of my dick gliding in and out of him is music to my ears. My
eyes roll when my pelvis smacks his ass and when I actually look at where we are
connected, my balls climb back into my body and that little burning in the pit of my
stomach explodes into a fucking nuclear disaster.

Grabbing a hold of Edward length, I pull while I start to cum. Our bodies are
completely flush, lips lingering along his jaw. Edward assists in pumping his dick.
My strokes are turned from long and hard to short and deep.

"What have you done to me?" I ask, condom beginning to fill.

I'm completely useless, orgasm cutting off my senses. My hand is still on his dick
but Edward is the only one doing any hand movements.

Hiding my face into his neck, I push into him until his feet nearly come off of the
floor. My dick pulsates in his pretty little ass, Edward cums not long after me, and
together we are a mass of useless boys, fucking in a strip club bathroom.

This high lasts, and lasts, and lasts

It's so fucking right, I almost cry. I could cry this feels so good. We're kissing and
touching and cumming. Edward splurges all over the wall and floor, the condom is
beyond filled and our bodies are past relaxed we're fucking reenergized.

When we do finally fall, minds returning to our bodies and limbs regaining
sensation, I slowly pull out and throw the condom into the trash can. We're both
fighting for air; I help Edward lift his pants. Turning him to face me, brushing the
hair out of his face.

"Are you alright?" I ask, pulling him towards me.

- 77 -
 We're hugging, it just seems fitting. Edward actually hugs me back, arms linked
around my lower back.

"Yeah," he sighs.

Glancing over, I get a good look of the two of us in the mirror as quick as I see it
I look away, hiding my eyes in Edward neck. We stay this way until we calm. We've
been in the bathroom for at least twenty minutes so we got to get going.

"We should get out of here."

Edward nods, he even kisses my temple. It's sweet and totally awkward.

"That's was gay, dude." I laugh; Edward pushes me away by my face.

Laughing, we get ourselves situated and when we're about to leave the restroom, I
remember something, I stuck my finger up his ass!

I turn the fucking water on until its boiling hot, stick my hand under it and then
scream because it's too hot. Edward is beside me getting a kick out of my pain. He
asks me what I'm doing and to stop being such a freak.

I smile, douche bag.

"Hey, Edward," I say, smiling at him through the reflection of the mirror.

"What?" He smirks; so smug.

"Smell my fingers!"

- 78 -
 Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Edward

After Jasper and I performed our best George Michael bathroom impersonation,
we went back out into the strip club where our douche bag brothers never even
registered our absence. We're hardly a blip on their radar; not with all the vagina in
their faces. I think it's safe to say that they'll both need a hose down, a dose of
antibiotics, and a tetanus shot before they're allowed back into the house tonight.

My dad can hook them up, he knows the drill.

Not interested in the pussy for obvious reasons, leaving sounded like a reasonable
option. Unfortunately for Jasper and I, Peter is chin deep in a strippers honey pot
and refuses to move from that particular position until he is motherfucking good and
ready, fuckin' motherfuckers!

His words, not mine.

Did I mention he is chin deep in a stripper's hooha as he says this?

Jasper takes my hand, and my first instinct is to pull it away so I can punch him in
the grill for acting like a fucking homo in public. He asks me to calm down, telling
me that no one is looking. Reminding me that Peter is chin deep in a strippers pink
taco and Emmett is contracting a serious case of pink-eye from a pretty little
brunette who currently has her legs wrapped around his head.

"You need to trust me," he whispers into my ear before gripping onto my pointer
finger and leading the way back to our booth in the back.

Not nearly as sore as I was the first time Jasper and I had sex, I'm definitely
uncomfortable. Sitting down takes more effort than it normally would, but I keep a
straight face and act like everything is fine.

- 79 -
 "You're such a pussy," Jasper snorts, laughing at my obvious discomfort.

Choosing to ignore his ignorance, I pull out my cell and pretend to be busy. I don't
appreciate him teasing me; he has no idea what me or my ass have been through.
He better not assume that I'm going to remain on the receiving end of this deal. I
lost fair and square last time, tonight was a fucking fluke. Jasper took advantage of
me, stupid mother

"What? I know that fucking look Edward, what's your deal?" He's laughing; he
thinks I'm funny.

"Nothing." I'm shaking my head, trying my best not to smile.

Jasper scoots over until his knee is pressed into my thigh and his arm is laid over
the back of the booth. I take a quick look around to make sure no one is watching.
I'm not sure what's up with Jasper but he's being weird.

"What's the matter?" he asks again, scratching the back of my neck.

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" I ask, even if the neck scratch is probably
the best thing I've felt in a while. I want to tell him to do it again, but I think he's
fucking with me. First, the hand holding, then the arm over the back of the booth,
and now with the neck scratching. He wants me to give in so he can call me out,
make me feel like I'm the one going soft.

Not happening.

Jasper clears his throat and sits so that his legs are parallel with mine, keeping his
arm behind me. Slouching, he looks straight ahead. "I'm not doing anything, fag."
His tone is defensive and despite his arm still being so close, his body language is
shifty.

After a couple minutes of silence, bored with the brick-breaker on my blackberry, I

put it away and lean back. My arms fall to my sides and my eyes close. "Scratch my
neck again," I mumble, not giving a fuck anymore. I'm tired and my high is worn off.
I'm ready to go home.

Jasper laughs under his breath and situates his seating so that he's closer than
before. He's warm, he's inviting, and he smells good. I fall into his chest, liking his
familiarity in such a dirty place.

He runs his long fingers through my hair, scratching and pulling right at the scalp.
- 80 -
Music continues to blast through the strip club but it all fades into a buzz the longer
he touches me. My mom used to do this when I was younger when I couldn't sleep. I
forgot how great it feels. I think Jasper calls me a queer and kisses my forehead, but
I can't be sure and I'm too relaxed to even care. I concentrate on his hands, counting
how many times his fingers glide through my hair. I'm done for before I even reach
the number ten.

"Now would you look at this." Laughing, more laughing continued laughing.
"How fucking cute. Jasper and Edward all cuddled up like a couple of pussies."

Now there is hitting and kicking, a little shaking.

I open my eyes, and it takes me a moment to remember exactly where I am. My

head is in a lap, assuming its Jasper's, I take a few more seconds to analyze the
situation. I remember getting really high, fucking in a bathroom and holding hands.
There were fingers in my hair, a kiss in the forehead and sleep. Jasper must have
crashed out and fallen back onto the booth, which left me no where else to go other
than face first into his crotch.

Sounds about right.

"Wake up, time to go." Emmett kicks the booth; Jasper finally wakes up and
pushes me off of him.

We rub our eyes and straighten out our clothes. My head is heavy but I feel better
after the quick nap, ready for the long drive home. The club itself has quieted down;
there are no longer girls hanging from poles or walking around naked. All of the
lights are on and waitresses are cleaning up their tables. We're not the last group to
leave but it's apparent we're no longer welcome to stay.

"I need you to drive, I drank too much." Emmett dangles the keys in my face,
dropping them into my lap and walking away.

"Em!" I call, sliding out of the booth and stretching.

"What?" he snaps, alcohol catching up to him.

- 81 -
 "I think you have some leftover vagina on your face." I point to the corner of my
mouth indicating that that's where his leftover vagina is.

Jasper laughs, patting me on the back. Emmett, he turns a little green.

Side by side, Jasper and I walk outside. It's a little after two in the morning; with a
two hour drive back to Forks, I'm thankful that graduation isn't until six this
evening. The vibe between me and Jazz isn't as awkward as it usually is. We've done
a pretty good job of avoiding any sort of conversation about what's going on
between us, becoming used to the discomfited silence. I'm not ignorant enough to
believe that this is something that we'll be able to actually avoid speaking about.
Talking about it is unavoidable, only because it's no longer a one time event.

In the parking lot Emmett is puking all over the place. Peter is laughing, throwing
pennies and shit at his head whenever my brother takes a go at emptying his
stomach. It's fucking gross. I should have known better. We should leave their sorry
asses here.

The drive home is quiet; Jasper plays with the iPod every now and then, but other
than that we're back to dodging each other. The only problem with driving on a
dark, mostly empty highway and having nothing to talk about is that my brain won't
shut off. Again and again images of Jasper and I together replay inside of my mind.
Something needs to be said, and I guess I'll have to be the first to say something.

"Maybe we should just kiss," I spill, cringing after the words left my mouth.

Jasper looks at me like I grew a second and third head, making sure our brothers
are really asleep before even looking at me.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he whispers harshly.

Reaching around for my cigarettes, I stick one from the pack onto my lips and
press the lighter in. "Don't act stupid, J. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

With his arms crossed over his chest, Jasper acts like I'm not even speaking to
him. The lighter pops, I light my smoke and roll down the window enough let the
smoke out of the cab of the car. I wait patiently for him to say something, anything
I feel like a fucking idiot.

After about five minutes he finally caves. "Why would I kiss you? What would that
prove?"

- 82 -
 I shrug. "I don't know, it was just an idea."

"I don't like boys, Edward. Kissing you wouldn't do anything other than fuck with
my head more than you already have."

This causes me to laugh, taking another hit from my cigarette before flicking it out
the window. "I fuck with your head? You're so full of shit, Jasper."

"I'm not fighting with you, Edward. I'm not your boyfriend."

The way his words come out, the tone he used and his facial expression is meant
to hurt me. He said it on purpose looking for a certain reaction; shock value.

Yeah, fuck him.

"Sissy motherfucker." I swing my arm back and I back hand his stupid ass right in
the chest. When he crouches forward in order to catch a breath I punch him in the
back.

Takes him a second to recover, hitting me in the side of the face. The car swerves,
our brothers shift back and forth but never wake up. Jasper and I are going for
blows; eventually I'm left with no other option other than to pull over on the side of
the road. We both get out of the car and meet in front of the head lights. Jasper pulls
my shirt over my head and punches me in the back, I tackle his legs and we both fall
to the floor.

We roll around, kicking and punching, grunting and cussing. Jasper manages to
get me on my back and because my shirt is still all fucked up from when he pulled it
over my head I can feel the asphalt cutting into my skin.

"That hurts, dick!" Jasper groans, trying to pry my fingers away from his hair.

I'm past punching; I'm just trying to hurt him hair pulling hurts.

Unfortunately for me, Jasper smartens up and pulls my hair back. Each of us
telling the other to let go, we only pull harder. I can feel it ripping from its roots, I
pull harder.

"I fucking hate you. You've ruined everything!" I yell, shaking his head.

Jasper has a slight advantage only because I'm on my back and he's on top of me.
He's slamming my head on to the road over and over. "No, I hate you. You've ruined
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everything!"

"You started this, not me." Sticking my finger into his cheek, I pull until he
screams and starts banging my head on the road even harder than before.

"That hurts!" I scream, pulling on his cheek as hard as possible.

We go at this for a couple of minutes. A few cars pass, one even honks but no one
pulls over to help. It's not until we both get tired that we loosen our grip but don't
completely let go.

"I'll let go if you let go," Jasper mumbles; my finger still hooked inside of his cheek.

"Okay, but no fucking around."

"Deal," he agrees easily.

"On the count of three: one, two" I can't see his eyes through my fist and his
hair, I just have to trust him on this one. "Three."

We both let go and scramble to our feet. I'm all fucked up, my head hurts and my
back is burning. Jasper's lip is bloody and his hair is all over the place. Looks like a
huge tangle, it's fucking funny so I laugh. We both get into the car without another
word. my shirt is ripped and we're both breathing heavily. Another situation left to
be avoided; I drive us home while keeping my words to myself.

It's after five in the morning when we arrive at the house. I drag my ass up to my
room, leaving Emmett and Peter in the car to rot. Jasper, despite everything, follows
me into the room. With the sun rising, he shuts the curtains so that it is dark in the
room and we both fall into bed.

Him on the left, me on the right.

The next time I open my eyes it's already noon. My body aches and my head hurts.
Jasper is out. As carefully as I can, I crawl out of bed and take a quick shower. When
I get out Jasper is standing in the bathroom with a towel looking like shit. He
mumbles something about turning the water back on before letting his pants drop
and stepping past me.

I fall back into bed, managing to get a pair of flannel pajama bottoms on.

The next time I open my eyes, it's after three in the afternoon and my mom is
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standing over me with a thermometer and the Robitussin. "Edward, are you sick?
Are you feeling ill? Do you need me to call Daddy?

Lifting my head, I look for Jasper. He is laid out at my feet, on his stomach and still
in his shower towel.

Mom gasps, touching my face and kissing my cheek. She's asking what happened
to my face and she can't believe this is happening an hour before graduation. "Who
would hurt you?" she asks, pulling me up to inspect my body, freaking out when she
she's the road rash on my back.

Jasper wakes up, jumping out of bed and holding onto his towel. He blushes in
front of my mom.

She only shrieks and runs over to Jasper to inspect his injuries.

He is way more fucked up than I am.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he tells my mom, gripping onto his towel for dear life. "It was
nothing. I swear we're fine."

"I thought you guys were sick, and then I come in here and find you two in this
condition. Where is your brother? This is his fault. What kind of people does he hang
around? Thugs?" Mom looks back at me, still holding Jasper's face in her hand, "Is
Emmett in a gang?"

I laugh falling back into bed. "Mom, what is it with you and gangs?"

She doesn't really answer as she storms out of the room looking for Emmett and
Peter and other evidence of gang activity.

"Bro, your mom is something else." Jasper drops his towel, standing in front me
naked without socks! He gets a kick out of my reaction, sliding his legs into his
jeans, putting his dick in last. "I have to get home; see you at school?"

I nod, relieved when his socks and shoes go on next.

After another shower and a shave, I put on the slacks and long sleeve button up
my mom wants me to wear, but I ditch the dress shoes for my black, unlaced boots. I
brush my hair to the side, grab my yellow cap and gown, and head downstairs where
my family is waiting.

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 Mom is already crying, Dad is taking pictures, and Emmett is dry heaving into the
kitchen sink.

After a shit ton of pictures they finally allow me to leave, arriving at the high
school an hour before the actual ceremony. I've looked forward to this day for so
long, even more recently. Now I'm just a little sad. With high school goes childhood;
not that I consider myself a child, it's just the innocence of oblivion is no longer an
option. In three weeks I'll be living on my own, responsible for myself and my
actions. I won't have my mom waking me up with cough medicine and questioning
me about Forks gang activity.

Jasper won't be two minutes away anymore.

I find Jasper with our group of friends; everyone is questioning us about our faces.
He re-tells a story about strippers and too much to drink, leaving out the part where
we fucked in a bathroom and he massaged my head until I feel asleep. When Bella
and Alice show up we both kind of stiffen. Months ago when we signed up for
walking partners I chose to walk with Bella during the graduation ceremony, and he
chose to walk with Alice.

"Dude, don't make me walk with her," I beg, wide eyed as Bella approaches.

Alice throws herself into Jasper's arms, kissing all over his face, arms tight around
his neck. Bella stands in front of me; she smiles like nothing has changed.
Sometimes I wonder if she even registers that we've broken up. She's a crazy stalker
girl, even if I did love her once.

"Baby, change of plans," Jasper swoons into Alice's ear, avoiding her lips.

I smile, patting the top of Bella's head; it's all I have for her.

"What?" Alice cries, falling to her feet.

"Our parents want Edward and I to walk together during graduation. They made a
huge deal about it back at home, so I can't walk with you, Alice." He lets her down
easily, touching her cheek and smiling at the right time. She is disappointed,
pouting her lip and stomping her foot, but I can see that she's going to let it slide.

Bella is looking up at me with puppy dog eyes; I tell her it's true before patting her
head for the second time.

"Will I see you later?" Alice whispers, pushing herself against Jasper grabbing
- 86 -
his dick.

I want to punch her in her fucking teeth.

"Sure, baby," he says, removing her hands from his genitalia.

"So that's it? You're seriously not going to forgive me?" Bella asks, arms crossed
foot tapping.

I don't know what to say. There isn't anything to say. I just smile and pat her head
again for a third time.

Jasper laughs, grabbing me by my arm and pulling me in another direction. We

stand around waiting for graduation to start. It takes a while and before I know it,
it's over. Parents are happy that Jasper and I decided to walk together; our mothers
cried and our fathers patted our backs. I took my diploma with a heavy heart, but
acted like I was the king of the world.

Three more weeks and all of this is over.

After a quick dinner, some more pictures and presents in the form of cash, the
parents left the house like they promised they would and we got ready to party.

Emmett picked up the keg from the store and Peter put on some music. Rosalie
Hale, Emmett's old girlfriend, is one of the first people to show up with her were five
of her closest friends: Tanya, Angela, Leah, Bree and Emily.

To say these girls are beautiful is a fucking understatement, they are gorgeous,
stunning and in college.

College chicks: they make my dick twitch.

As the night rolls on and more and more people show up. Eventually, my house is
full. Tanya has been following me around all night and for some fucking reason I
have put the brakes on moving in and getting my dick wet. She wants it. She wants
it badly. She and Lauren even got into a shouting match over it.

Emmett broke them up, and I took another shot.

Stumbling through my house, talking to whomever, I end up on the couch and

Jasper ends up bedside me. His arm is over my shoulder, we're both too fucking
drunk to give a shit. I'm sure anyone walking by will file our touching away as
- 87 -
nothing more than friendship anyways.

"I have something for you," Jasper whispers into my ear.

It tickles. I laugh.

"It's upstairs so whenever you're ready let me know." His eyes are heavy; Jasper
has had a lot to drink.

Leaning back into the couch, we watch as the party goes on all around us. His arm
continues to lie over my shoulder. He kisses my temple a couple of times but I feel
like it's more out of friendship and nothing more.

I take a drink of Jasper's beer, and he drinks out of my whiskey bottle. We're just a
couple of friends whose stint as 'Unstoppable and Unbreakable' is about to end.
Before I know it, Jasper and I are into the 'I'm going to miss you's' and 'We'll be best
friends forever's.' The inevitability of the end is harder to swallow than I imagined it
would be. I always anticipated running for the door once high school was over, but
this isn't turning out as planned.

Add it to an already long list of shit I didn't fucking predict.

Jasper and I talk about when we used to be kids: my fucked up hair cut and his
fucked up teeth. He had the worst gap between his two front teeth, it stayed that
way until we were fourteen and he finally got braces. The Christmas after he got
them put on, Jasper decided to be festive and got green and red colored braces. I
ripped into him for so hard and for so long that he made his mom take him back to
the dentist early and got them changed.

"You're such an idiot!" Jasper laughs until he cries at the memory, only to throw
my overbearing mother in my face. "At least I didn't have to wear a face mask to
school when the swine flu broke out."

"I only wore it out of the house just so she wouldn't cry." I felt like such an idiot
but I did it for her.

Taking a swig out of my bottle, I'm not entirely interested in the party anymore.
This is the same shit we do every weekend, only at my house. As hard as I find this
to deal with, the only person I feel like being around is Jasper. I look at him from the
corner of my eye, watching as he laughs at something that his brother is doing. His
arm is still hung over my shoulders; our legs are touching my arm is lying against
him.
- 88 -
 It's too fucking much. I don't know what the hell is going on with me but I cannot
allow myself to get used to the idea that this is okay. It's not, it's not okay, and I
can't fucking do it any longer.

"I'm going to get a beer." I sit up from the couch. My footing is unstable, but I
book it for the kitchen before Jasper has a chance to say anything.

My kitchen is packed, bodies compacted and everyone has a red cup full of
something. My name is being called from every direction, but all I really want is a
cold beer and some fresh air.

Grabbing a beer out of the fridge, I head for the backdoor only to be approached
by Tanya. She's so pretty and her mouth is lovely. My dick would look
fan-fucking-tastic on those lips.

"Hey baby, where are you going?" she mumbles.

Drunk college chicks are hot.

"Outside." I smirk, knowing how much the girls love it. Forcing the thought of my
dick on Jasper's lips out of my head.

"Can I come?"

Looking around for Jasper, I don't see him so I take Tanya by the hand and lead
her outside. The cold air feels good on my face, but does nothing for my mind set. I
have small guilt pangs inside of my chest for being out here with the girl; like I'm
cheating on Jasper.

Twat, twat twat, twitch There, not gay.

"So, now that we're outside, what do you want to do?" Tanya pulls on the collar of
my shirt; her breath smells like booze and her eye make-up is smeared.

Forcing myself to mentally and physically be here with Tanya and not inside with
Jasper, I entertain her bullshit and tell her we can do whatever she wants.

She giggles, running her fingers through my hair and grabbing my junk. I roll my
eyes and hug her back, telling her how pretty she is. I can't help but to think about
how small her touch is and how weak it is compared to Jasper's.

"This is fucking ridiculous," I speak into my beer bottle, taking another swig.
- 89 -
 I don't quite think Tanya registers that I'm not into it; she's kissing my neck and
pulling at my belt. There are a few other people out in the backyard with us but for
some reason I don't think it would stop her from sucking me off right here and right
now.

A week ago I wouldn't have cared. A week ago I would have let her, but tonight, I
can't let this happen.

The funny thing about irony is that it always happens when you least expect it.

"What the fuck do we have here ladies and gentlemen?" Jasper slams open the
back door, tipping his beer in my direction before stepping beside me.

Tanya isn't fazed; I'm thoroughly embarrassed and my ears are on fire, but she
keeps struggling with my belt.

"What's your name?" Jasper asks, smiling at the poor unsuspecting girl.

"Tanya," she purrs, finally giving up and connecting herself to my side.

"Hey, Tanya?" Jasper, looking right at me but his intentions set for the pretty
college chick. "You have something on your shirt."

He isn't even smooth. He's rusty as fuck and if the girl wasn't so drunk she would
have seen it coming before Jasper pretended to trip and accidentally spill his beer
all over the front of her shirt.

Tanya screams like a typical girl, pointing her finger in Jasper's face. I find myself
rolling my eyes again while he laughs, pretending to clean off her chest with a few
napkins he just happened to have on him.

When she runs into the house, Jasper tosses the napkins and drinks the remainder
of the un-spilled beer. "I have something for you," he reminds me, not bothering to
give me a glance before he walks back into the house.

I follow, staying a couple of steps behind as we climb the stairs up to my room.

He's upset, that much I can tell. My heart beats at a rapid pace; I can feel the pulse
in my hands and in my eyes Jasper kicks the bedroom door open and I follow him
inside.

When I step into the room, it's dark and the only sounds are our breathing. The
bedroom door isn't shut, allowing me to see his silhouette. I'm not sure if he's mad
- 90 -
about the girl, the situation or both. I could make a joke out of this so we can laugh
and avoid the topic for another week, maybe two maybe three.

I'm tired of avoiding it, we can either do this or we can stop, but this in-between
limbo bullshit can't happen any longer. I'm exhausted and emotionally drained.
"Jazz, I'm sorry"

He doesn't allow me to finish what I'm going to say; pushing into me until my back
hits the door causing it to slam shut. His forearm is under my jaw, choking me. His
face is close and his breath is warm. The tension radiates away from him in waves
and through trembling limbs, trembling lips.

When he backs away, I cough, trying to catch a breath. I'm not mad because I
understand what he is dealing with, the anguish smeared across is face is an
expression I wear a lot myself. It's difficult not being able to identify yourself clearly
but we can't keep beating ourselves up about it. It has to be dealt with.

Jasper's hands are in his hair, pulling on the ends while he watches me take a full
breath. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm fucked up."

I nod, understanding.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow, please?" he asks, taking a step in my direction.
His face has softened and his voice has lost its aggressive edge. "Can we act like
none of that happened?"

It's a loaded question and one that can mean a million different things. Act like
what never happened? The girl? Our first kiss our first fuck?

His hands are in my hair, pulling at their roots. Jasper presses his forehead against
mine, locking the door and pulling me closer. "Can we rewind and go back to the
two of us on the couch, nothing after that happened, alright?"

"Alright," I whisper.

Jasper walks away, leaving me confused and breathless.

"Stay there, I have something really important to give you." Now he's laughing and
the mood has shifted dramatically.

The tension between us isn't as thick and the anger isn't as noticeable. Jasper is
definitely conflicted about something but his smile throws me off. I'm more than
- 91 -
willing to go with the lighter frame of mind.

I ask him if I can turn the light off, but he tells me no.

It's not long before he is standing in front me. He's laughing like an idiot and
promises me this isn't anything he really had planned. Jasper is fucking with me,
giving himself away.

"Okay, turn on the light," he says between laughs.

"Nope. Do it yourself."

"I can't. Edward, just turn on the fucking light."

I flip it on quickly, anticipating being electrocuted or punched in the face

anything other than what I get.

"What is it?" I point toward the blue wrapped box, complete with a red bow.

Jasper shakes the box, held in his hands and at his waist. "Just open it, fucker. I
can get you a graduation present if I want."

I'm not stupid; Jasper has never given me a present. He has gotten me shit, but
never like this never presented this way.

"No fucking way. I'm not opening that." Knowing Jasper, a Black Mamba will jump
out, latch onto my neck and he will only laugh while I die a slow and painful death.

The way he is holding the box is giving everything away. It's held low, close to his
body but away from his face. I'm going to regret this. "You better not be messing
with me, Jazz," I warn, slowly moving towards the blue wrapped gift.

He's giddy, absolutely excited about what is about to happen to me.

Slowly lifting the top away from the box, I toss it to the side and duck for cover.
Hiding my face with my hands, I wait for something to happen.

"Edward, take a look inside my box you fucking idiot. You're ruining this for me."

Uncovering my face, moving away from the door, I slowly peek inside of the box. I
can't really see anything, so I step closer and closer and close until I am right over
the box and I can see directly inside of it.
- 92 -
 "You have got to be kidding me." I break out in a laughter that can't be controlled.
I even take a second look just to make sure I really saw what I think I saw.

"Do you like it?" he asks, shaking his box. "First, I cut a hole in the box. Second, I
stuck my junk in the box It's my dick in a box."

We're both laughing; he's standing there holding the stupid fucking box and his
dick is inside of it. I will never forget this for as long as I live, ever. I can't believe he
took the time to do all of this.

It's even funnier when he drops the box and his dick is hanging, but he really
surprises me when he asks if I want to play Rock, Paper, Scissors.

"No!" Jasper screams, feeling a little defeated a little scared.

It's my turn for a victory lap, and I lap the fuck out of this victory, not hesitating to
stand up and unbutton my shirt. I rip it off and throw it to the side. The undershirt
goes next along with the belt, dropping my pants to the floor. "Get up, Jasper. I won
fair and square."

I wait for him in my boxer briefs and socks; Jasper whines but eventually gets up
and unbuttons his shirt. He bitches about being the one who Googled gay sex, that I
don't know how to do it, and that I better not hurt him because he'll rip my balls off
and feed them to Peter for breakfast.

I won't let his pouty bullshit get me soft. It's my turn to get it in, and I can care
less if he whines the entire time.

Jasper is entirely too sexy for his own good. He's acting like a fucking chick at the
moment and it only makes it easier to kiss him. "Quit being a bitch, Jazz," I mumble
against his lips, helping him out of his shirt.

I'm waiting for him to stomp his foot and flip his hair but he doesn't. He unbuckles
his slacks and kisses me back. We're still weird about the groping, his hands are on
my sides but mine keep to myself. Jasper is definitely better at this than I am; he
isn't shy about kissing along my jaw or down my neck.
- 93 -
 Or sliding his hands to my lower back and pulling me against him until our chests
are touching.

"Is the door locked?" I ask, the party still going on downstairs.

"Yeah." Jasper breathes, pushing me down onto the bed.

"What about the light?" I'm gripping onto the comforter; Jasper makes his way
down my body.

He stops right above my navel with a raised eyebrow and a stupid smirk on his
lips. "You're such a fucking pussy, Edward."

After the lights are off I think we both feel more comfortable. The music from the
party echoes into my bedroom, but all I can manage to hear in here are the sounds
of our breathing and the occasional moan.

I'm fucked up; more drunk than I have been in a while and everything is
happening in snapshots. Jasper is kissing me; Jasper is kissing my neck and my
chest. Jasper is pulling down the front of my boxers, his mouth wrapped around my
cock.

My feet hang off the bed and Jasper is kneeling down between my legs. He looks
at me but it's hard to see his face in the dark. I feel his tongue when it swirls around
the head of my dick, though.

Propped up on my elbow, I tangle my fingers in his hair and he lets me guide his
motions. I cause him to gag once, but he's cool after that. He is braver than he was
the first time; he isn't so skittish and uncertain.

He takes me, all of me.

Biting my lip until the point of pain is the only thing I can do to keep from
cumming inside and all around his mouth. When my lip starts to bleed, I think of
Bella and that helps keep my load in check too.

"Jasper Jazz, you have to stop," I whisper, head falling back, dick sliding into his
throat.

He hums, nodding his head but doesn't stop. He only sucks harder, and when he
grabs my balls I know I'm a fucking goner.

- 94 -
 But that's what he wants.

He wants me to cum so I can't dip inside of him, sneaky fuck.

As much as it saddens me, I keep thoughts of Bella in my head and work to push
Jasper away. I curse his name and pull his hair. I think of Bella killing puppies and
pulling the wings off of lady-bugs.

It helps, but his mouth feels better.

"Please!" I beg, "Jasper, please stop." Worst words ever spoken.

He finally lets me go; my dick glistens in the low light from under my bedroom
door. Jasper wipes his mouth clean with his forearm. "Are you sure?" There's a
vindictive smile in his tone.

My dick pulsates, throbs and screams bloody murder. My lungs can't keep up with
my gasps, and my heart can't keep up with the rush of blood even though it feels
like every ounce of it is centered in my dick.

I'm hard and trying to keep my dick hole closed so I won't bust all over the place is
difficult. Thinking about Bella eating road kill isn't even working.

In one swift motion I'm up, pulling Jasper onto the bed. He's a heavy son-of-a-bitch
so I require some help; he isn't so willing because he's afraid of my schlong

He's dead weight, amused with my effort of getting him onto the bed. He even
giggles like a little fucking fairy.

"Dude!" I complain, trying to lift him from behind resulting in nothing more than
dry humps to Jasper's upper back.

If I didn't want to stick it to him so bad I would probably laugh, this is funny as
fuck but I do want to stick it to him so I might cry instead. "I didn't do this to you," I
groan, attempting to lift him again.

Jasper remains on his knees, playing dead while I hump his back.

I give up; ready to karate kick him in the back of the head when he caves. Jasper
stands to his feet and crawls onto the bed. "Fine, sorry just," he clears his throat,
"be careful."

- 95 -
 I smack his ass for being a fucking pansy.

It's not hard to pick up where we left off, rock hard and gasping for air.

I kiss his back, along his neck to the corner of his mouth. Jasper lays on his
stomach with shut eyes, gripping the bed spread.

"I'll be careful, I swear." I whisper, pulling his boxers down to his knees.

Flipping him over onto his back, I sit back on my calves. The situation catches up
to me when I see he's hard. Even after seeing Jasper's dick a couple different times
it still takes a moment to get used to the idea.

Holding myself above him, I dip my head down and kiss his lips. My knees are
placed beside his legs. I crawl carefully between them. His hands are flat on the
mattress; he's kissing me back, and I can sense his anxiety. It's a lot like my own the
first time we were in this position.

Jasper was considerate of me; I can offer him the same kindness.

I'm slow, sliding my tongue between his lips, kissing the corner of his mouth.
Carefully lowering myself between his legs. Jasper makes the first move by taking
off my boxers. He is able to slide them down mid-thigh before I have to kick the
them the rest of the way off.

When our dicks cross, I laugh, it's all I can really do. My d-and-b's are touching
Jasper's d-and-b's; it's a mind fuck.

How good is feels is a bigger mind fuck.

With our dicks pressed together and between our stomachs, we get lost in what's
happening; anxiety and apprehension isn't holding a fucking thing back. We touch
and kiss and stroke, I even catch myself moaning when he pulls my hair. I bite on his
ear lobe and thrust for the friction.

I like his roughness; this isn't soft and curvy, he is strong and durable. There isn't
any of that leg hitching bullshit or anymore games to select who's on top and who is
on the bottom. We're doing what feels good, what feels right and maybe, just maybe,
tomorrow we'll decide to have a fucking conversation about the results of our
actions maybe.

The familiar burning spins in the center of my stomach; Jasper's hands are on my
- 96 -
hips pulling me against him. His eyes are closed and his lips are swollen, he isn't
quiet. Jasper is loud and begging for more; back arching when I stroke up, chest
falling when I stroke back. All of this and I haven't even gotten it in yet.

He tells me he's going to cum soon. I don't know if I should have him wait or put
him out of his misery.

Back up on to my palms, Jasper wraps his hands around his dick and pumps
relentlessly. I hear someone walking past the door, and look in time to see a shadow
walk by. I put my hand over Jasper's mouth, but he doesn't stop, he goes harder. The
shadow walks by a second time, and I should care. I should be afraid of getting
caught, but Jasper is getting off, and it's the same kind of excitement I felt when he
caught me rubbing one out when he was taking a shower the other day.

The thrill of getting caught takes this up a notch.

"Get onto your stomach," I whisper into his ear, removing my hand from his
mouth. "They don't know we're in here, Jasper, keep it that way." I position myself
behind him, rubbing the head of my dick along the skin of his lower back.

He's on his hands and knees, palming his cock again. The sound of him stroking
his own piece echoes throughout the quiet dark room. I sit back on my calves and
watch for a second, refusing to touch myself, biting my lips and groaning. Jasper
whimpers but lets go of himself before whispering that I have to hurry because he
isn't going to last much longer.

There is laughing in the hallway; a couple of girls running past my bedroom door,
hopefully looking for Emmett and Peter.

Back behind Jasper, my penis is excruciatingly hard; pressing against Jasper, it

rubs along his crack while my left hand rubs up his back and over his shoulder.
Using my right hand to grip onto his cock, he whimpers again. I tell him to shut the
fuck up before pushing him back onto me by his shoulder.

I'm not inside of him, not even close, but I wasn't even trying. I only wanted to
show him how strong I really am.

I kiss the back of his neck, whispering that I'll take care of him. That I need him to
be quiet unless he wants me to cover his mouth again. I whisper into Jasper's ear
that he is so fucking sexy, so fucking hot bent over this way, that he's lucky I didn't
fuck him a long time ago.

- 97 -
 "Ready?" I ask, reaching past him for the lube that is under my pillow.

"Yeah, yes I'm ready, so fucking ready," Jasper pants, head has fallen between
his arms.

I squirt the mint flavored lube into the palm of my hand; I rub it along my shaft
and over the head. Jasper is literally shaking on his hands and knees, his cock
bulging and straight up.

"Jasper?" I ask, completely serious. "I do it to you like you did it to me in the
bathroom?"

He nods, unable to speak before falling down onto one of his elbows. "Yes,
Edward, come the fuck on," he begs, the laughing outside of the door stopping for a
moment.

"You're killing me, Edward; I need to cum so fucking bad," Jasper says through
clenched teeth, falling down onto his second elbow.

My heart is beating inside of my chest, adrenaline pumping through my veins.

Whoever is out in the hallway knows that there are people inside of my bedroom.
They're asking each other if they heard something. They're wondering whose
bedroom it is. One of them thinks that it's my bedroom.

The door handle jiggles.

There is more laughing.

More whimpering from Jasper.

I slowly sink my finger into him, unbearably slow.

"Oh, fuck!" he breathes, head falling to the mattress, ass sticking up towards me.

The girls in the hallway hear him, the door handle wiggles again, but it's locked.
My heartbeat echoes loudly. I can feel my cheeks as they heat and my hands shake
from the excitement.

This time I lean over Jasper, my wet dick pressed against his ass cheek. I pull him
back up on to his hands and cover his mouth again while I try and slide in a second
finger. This time it's a little slower, a little more painful. Jasper bites the inside of my
palm and his eyes roll into the back of his head. He groans but it's muffled by my
- 98 -
hand. I attach my mouth to his neck to cover my own groan. He continues to bite the
inside of my hand until the second finger is all of the way in. He lets go and gasps
for air. I release my hold on his neck and see the size of the hicky I gave him,
deciding to tell him about it later.

I pull back my fingers, and Jasper breathes out of his nose while my hand remains
loosely over his mouth. The door handle isn't being bothered with but there are still
shadows outside my door.

When Jasper's moans and whines lessen, I know that this is getting easier for him.
I work my fingers in and out trying to mimic what he did to me. Remembering the
difference between the first time we had sex and the second, the second being much
more comfortable.

Stretching, bending and twisting my fingers; Jasper is beginning to enjoy himself.

The way his face contorts, his harsh breathing and lip biting causes my dick to leak;
it's now or never. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing, but as long as we both get
off and no one gets hurt or caught, then it's all good.

I feel confident;, I'm sure I can do this and do it correctly. Pulling out my fingers, I
wipe them off on my bed and line myself up with Jasper. I ask him if he's ready,
receiving a small nod and a whispered yes in return.

With a hand on my dick and a hand on his hip, I help guide the head of my cock
into Jasper. He reacts immediately, taking in a sharp breath, falling down onto his
elbows again. He jumps right back up, arms and legs shaking. The bed squeaks
under our weight, and small cries leave Jasper's lips.

Someone knocks on the door; I don't let it faze me or what we're doing, until
someone asks Emmett whose bedroom this is. I can hear my brothers laugh, telling
the girl that it's my bedroom and that I'm probably inside of it getting my rocks off
with some chick.

Jasper stiffens at the sound of my brother's voice, but I keep going, pushing in a
little further. Jasper grabs my pillow, holding it to his face while I gently push in
deeper and deeper. I'm only half way in when Jazz throws the pillow and moans
between his teeth. It's loud enough for my brother to hear. He begins to knock on
the door, telling me that he knows I'm in here.

"Edward," Jasper whispers, head falling forward. "I cant. I can't fuck!" He
thrashes and moans.

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 With my lips right beside his ear, I push in more and more. "Do you want me to
stop?"

He shakes his head no, dropping completely onto the mattress onto his stomach. I
fall with him, laying my chest onto his back, between his legs, and almost completely
inside.

"Cover my mouth, please," he cries, gripping onto the comforter.

I do as he asks, kissing the corner of his mouth before I do. With one last push
we're both done for. His mouth opens against my hand but nothing comes out. My
head falls forward between his shoulder blades and my entire world fucking
explodes.

Never, in any sexual encounter have I ever felt this good ever. It's almost
impossible to move, my face tingles and my hands shake. I kiss and suck on Jasper
back to keep from screaming out.

Fuck moaning, fucking groaning I want to fucking scream his name so everyone
can hear.

Spreading my knees and lifting up on my free hand, I regrettably pull out about
half way before falling back in. My dick glides and pulls against his stretched
entrance; his body literally sucks me back in. He is tight and hot, and his skin smells
so fucking good. I watch as I stroke in and out of him. The more I do it, the better it
feels.

I don't know if anyone is outside the door any longer. I can give a fuck if they know
Jasper and I are in here together. I may never give him up after this.

Picking up speed, I love the sound it makes when my pelvis smacks into his
cheeks, but I hate not seeing his face so I stop and pull out.

"Jasper, roll over," I breathe, helping him out.

When he's on his back, I grab a hold of his dick and pump him a few times while I
position myself back between his legs. I'm not sure if this position works for two
dudes fucking but I'm going to try anyways. I cover his mouth with my lips instead of
my hand. Pulling his hair and stroking his cock, he withers beneath me.

"You're so sexy," I whisper to him, rubbing my thumb over the head of his dick.

- 100 -
 Easily sliding back inside of him, his back arches and legs wrap around my waist.
He exchanges my hand for his own, working himself while I use that hand to lift up
his hips for a better reach.

His arm is hooked over my neck and our lips brush together while we fight for air.
Inhaling his exhales, he whispers my name and asks me to go harder.

So I do.

I lift his knee and push it back, thrusting into him again and again. Our skin slaps
and Jasper's dick streams. He cums with fluttered eyes and swollen lips. He strokes
himself he has cum all over his stomach. His body goes limp after, hands falling to
the bed and his eyes completely closing.

A few more deep strokes and I'm done for, propping his knee onto my shoulder I
kiss the inside of his thigh while I empty inside of him. I try to hold his knee up while
keeping myself together, but it's no use. I eventually fall while continuing to ride out
the end of my orgasm. Jasper pulls on my hair and kisses my mouth while talking me
through the best orgasm I have ever had. He tells me to keep going until it's over,
push harder deeper. Jasper bites my bottom lip and sucks on my neck, and when
it's finally over, I collapse.

Not pulling out right away, my dick continues to pulsate but I don't have the
strength to move my hips. We're both covered with sweat and cum but neither one
of us does anything about it. We lay and we breathe in a tangled mess of what the
fuck was that?

Eventually I roll over, and lie beside Jasper. As my head clears and my heart rate
returns to normal I remember that my fucking brother was outside of my door while
all of this was happening. I look up, no one is in the hallway anymore.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, Jazz," I answer; my lungs burn and my head still feels light.

"You liked that. I saw it on your face. You're a fag." He laughs.

I would hit him, but I'm too tired. I just had the fucking of a lifetime. I'll let it slide
for tonight, but in the morning I'm going to karate chop him in the mouth.

- 101 -
 Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Edward

"If you ever tell anyone about this, I will kill you, slowly."

How am I even supposed to take him seriously when he looks this ridiculous? I
already figured out that Jasper highlights his hair a while ago, but for him to wake
me up at eight in the morning and drive me to Port Angeles so I can sit with him
during his hair appointment is fucking lame.

This isn't the fucking Jersey Shore; boys don't go and get their hair done together.
Not like this, not with foil and bleach and hair dryers.

If he asks me to go tanning, I swear I will ball punch him so hard.

"You're fucking serious with this shit, Jazz?" I ask, poking at his foil.

He swipes my hand away, hitting his forehead on the hair dryer. "Yeah, my natural
blonde is ugly."

He is dead serious.

I spin in the salon chair that Jasper's hairstylist, Story, said I could sit in. She
offered me a soda and a stack of magazines. Story has a nose ring and tattoos on the
back of her neck and up and down both arms. She has these huge titties; they're real
too.

I'd fuck her.

While I spin and read gossip magazines, Jasper sits under the hair dryer with a
shit ton of foil in his hair and a black cape draped over his body. He isn't even
embarrassed; everyone knows him by name. When we walked in, he was greeted
with hugs and gasps of horror. Apparently, Jasper suffers a mean case of

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'Horrendous new-growth.' Jasper agreed, blushed, and ran his hands through his
hair while apologizing for missing his last appointment. I asked what the fuck
'new-growth' is and everyone laughed at me like I was the idiot.

I watched as Story placed Jasper's hair on sheets of foil and wiped this white shit
all over it. Story is tolerable. She is talented and able to keep up a decent
conversation without skipping a beat. She giggles, brushes her tits against Jasper's
back, and whispers into his ear. She flirts, and she's convincing. I want to punch her
in the tits because I'd fuck her, but I think Jasper might have already.

Now, Jazz is under the dryer drinking a sparkling water. It seems that chicks dig
this homo shit. Every girl in this salon, client and stylist alike, including the dudes,
are giving Jasper their best 'fuck me' eyes. He's eating it up too, blowing kisses and
winking.

Chicks are walking by, touching Jasper on the shoulder and bending down in front
of him. Story sat on his lap earlier; the dude stylist brought him a refill on his water.
It is annoying as fuck.

"How much longer, I'm hungry." I spin in my chair, over and over.

Jasper sighs, exasperated with my annoyance. "We're almost done."

Choosing to sit in the dryer next to Jasper, I get up and settle next to him. He
offers me a drink of his water, I accept. Alcohol from the night before is swooshing
around in my stomach, sweating out of my pores. I didn't even have a chance to
shower or get dressed before we left. I'm in a green v-neck, black basketball shorts
and my chucks with no socks. My hair is dirty and my head hurts I did brush my
teeth, but my mouth still tastes like vodka.

"You look fine," Jasper says, flipping through his magazine.

"What?" I snap. "Don't tell me how I look, Jasper."

"Quit being such a pussy."

I laugh. "I'm the pussy?"

Jasper kicks my foot and tosses his magazine to the side. "Just shut the fuck up.
I'm almost done."

An hour later, his hair is washed out and cut. I didn't give a shit until Story pulled
- 103 -
out the clippers and started to shave off Jasper's hair. I may have squeaked a little. I
may have gasped or whimpered. I just couldn't believe he was cutting off his hair
not that I care or anything. It's just that he has had longer hair since we were kids.
Maybe I kind of liked it long.

"What do you think?" Jasper and Story look at me expectantly.

Jasper's hair is styled into a messy fauxhawk on top and cut shorter on the sides.
He looks a lot like me, only blonde.

I clear my throat. "Good. It looks good."

Truth? My dick is hard and I want to pull on his hair while I fuck him stupid.

In fact, fucking Jasper is all I have been able to think about all morning. I'm man
enough to admit that last night was erotic and sexy as fuck. Being a top gave me a
completely new perspective on this fucking game Jasper and I are playing. Taking
isn't so bad, not once you get past the soreness and the inability to walk normally.
But giving, that's where it is. Just thinking about the faces and noises Jasper made
while I stroked into him

"I like it." I shrug, trying to hide my hard on with a magazine.

After Jasper pays for his new cut and color, he and Story, share a long hug
goodbye. I swear she's crying, but I can't be sure. He kisses her face and takes the
time to say goodbye to all of the other stylists. I just wave and go outside to light up.
My stomach his growling and my cigarette taste like shit. Jasper is taking forever. I
almost decide to leave his fruity ass when he finally steps out of the salon.

"Sorry," he apologizes with his head down and his hands in his pockets.

With his new haircut, Jasper moves past me in the direction of his Chevelle.

"What? You're sad or something?" I call out, flicking my cigarette into the street.

He shakes his head.

Jasper is walking a little bit funny and a little bit slow, making it easy to catch up
to him. I throw my arm over his shoulder and bring his ear to my lips. "What's the
matter?" I ask, immediately distancing myself from him.

"Nothing," he says, unlocking the passenger door for me.

- 104 -
 I stand outside the car door with my hands on the top hood while Jasper walks
around the front of his car to the driver side door. "Are you mad because I was
making fun of your foils, J? I was just kidding. You're foils looked awesome?"

Jasper snorts, opening his car door and getting in. I follow, putting on my seat-belt
while feeling the sadness radiate off my friend in waves. He takes off on to the road
and lights a cigarette of his own before finally giving me any type of answer. "Story
has been doing my hair for four years," he says, blowing smoke out the window.

"So?"

Jasper looks at me with scrunched eyebrows. "So, she's my friend and we're
moving. She won't be able to do my hair anymore." He takes another hit from his
cigarette. "Do you even realize that in three weeks we won't live here anymore,
Edward?

"I fucking understand, and I realize you're upset because you won't be able to dip
your dick inside of her anymore."

He breathes out. "Yeah, that too."

I lean my seat back, close my eyes and let the wind from the open widow hit my
face. Jasper is an idiot; I'm fully aware that we're moving away from home. I fucking
get it, and I have people I'm going to miss, too. This is a huge deal; California will be
different from Forks, much different. I won't have my parents there monitoring gang
activity and I'll have to do my own laundry and make my own dinner.

Jasper won't be around all of the time.

"Are you jealous? You're mad because I've slept with Story?" Jasper asks his tone
humorous.

I crack open one eye, just enough to look at his crooked smile. "No, dick. I am not
jealous because you slept with your hair stylist."

"Oh," he says smugly.

"Oh?"

He laughs under his breath. "You just seem a little put off. I saw how you looked at
her when she sat on my lap. You're so fucking jealous."

- 105 -
 Swinging my arms back, I karate chop Jasper in the mouth. Jasper moans and
groans, swerving a little to the left. I remind him that the chop was for his stupid
comments the night before and that he's lucky I don't do it twice for calling me
jealous.

The rest of our trip is in silence.

I must have fallen asleep because before I know it we are parked outside of my
house. After I stretch and yawn, I look at my cell and see that it is past two in the
afternoon. My body hurts and my stomach his empty. Jasper's car smells like
McDonald's and he is eating with his mouth open.

"I tried to wake you up, but you mumbled something about sucking your dick and
went back to sleep. I got you a Big Mac." Jasper winks and tosses me my hamburger.

I'm tempted to eat my food through the wrapper. I'm that hungry.

"And I got you a soda." He hands me the large Coke.

I sit up in my seat, already understanding that we're eating inside of the car
because if we go inside and our brothers are up they will eat our food. If that
happens, Jasper and I will have no other choice but to eat cereal.

"God, I could fucking kiss you," I say, moaning as I take a huge messy bite of my
Big Mac.

Jasper laughs, handing me a napkin. "Kiss me or the hamburger?"

"Shut up," I say with my mouth full of food.

When he shows me that we have fries, I do kiss him.

After I've been fed, Jasper and I sit in the car for a little while longer. He bitches
about his ride smelling like fast food and smokes. There is salt all over the carpet
and I might have dripped some ketchup onto the center console. I help him clean up,
apologize for the ketchup and the salt, and point out that there is a small piece of
lettuce on his steering wheel.

My brother must have woken up and cleaned the house this morning. The house
was a fucking mess when we left but now everything is back to normal, spotless and
pristine, just the way my mother would like it.

- 106 -
 Emmett is on the couch watching a movie. "Where have you been?" he mumbles
from behind a sleeping Rosalie.

"Jasper got a hair cut." I fall onto my dad's recliner. Jasper stumbles and falls onto
the love seat.

Emmett pops his head up long enough to check out Japer's new cut. He nods, says
he likes it and lies back down. We're watching some lame chic flick; I nod in and out
of sleep. The house is silent with the exception of the low volume on the movie and
the ice-maker in the freezer dropping ice every so often.

That is until Emmett remembers.

"Who were you fucking last night, Edward?" he asks, only sounding half-curious.

"Huh?" I play stupid.

Jasper shoots up from his spot on the love seat. He coughs and chokes on his
breath, trying to act nonchalant.

"Don't lie. I heard you in your room with someone. Who was it?"

I almost forgot about the girls in the hallway and Emmett messing with the door
handle. I was so caught up in Jasper that I didn't give a fuck. Now I am starting to
regret my lack of caution.

Jasper and I share a panicked look. "No one Em, leave it alone."

When he sits up and claps his hands together, I know that I'm in trouble. His laugh
echoes through out the living room, rocking my ears. "Fuck! You were in the room
too, Jasper. I fucking remember hearing your voice."

He goes on and on about threesomes and how fucking awesome they are. Rosalie
swats him in the chest before rolling over and going back to sleep. I'm dying,
mortified and scared that Emmett will find out that it was only Jasper and me in the
room. I don't know what I would do if he found out the truth. If he learned that Jazz
and I like to fuck each other occasionally more than occasionally, often, three
times often.

"It's not gay if you don't cross swords. Did your dicks touch? Did they, because if
they did touch then you guys are rookie as fuck at threesomes."

- 107 -
 "Emmett, stop." I stand up from the recliner with intentions of going up stairs.

Jasper follows.

My brother continues. "Was it Tanya? I saw you two talking to her on the patio."

I want to agree just to get him off if my back, but can't because the world is evil
and I'm being tortured.

"Wud up, bitches." Peter scratches his bare chest as he walks down the stairs with
Tanya at his heels hand in hand.

They pass us at the bottom of the stairs. Peter pulls her in front of him and they sit
on the couch Jasper was just occupying. Emmett has wide eyes, looking from Peter
and Tanya to Jasper and I. Emmett is thinking one of two things: that both Jasper
and I had sex with Tanya and then she went and fucked around with Peter
afterward. Or the truth, that Jasper and I were the only ones in the room having sex
with each other, without Tanya. Just me and Jazz.

I don't stick around to listen to his theories.

Back inside of my room, I lock the door and push my game chair in front of it just
in case Emmett or Peter try to come in. Jasper is in the bathroom dry heaving into
the toilet and my heart is beating out of control. I don't know what to do or to think,
but I'm sure that if my brother were suspicious he would have said something.
Mouth filters did not come included with Emmett.

If he figures it out. If he realizes that he only heard me and Jasper in my room,

behind a lock door in my dark room with a locked door, then he will tell Peter.

I should have been more careful last night.

"Do you think he knows?" Jasper dries off his washed face with my towel.

Running my hand through my hair, I say, "I'm not sure, but I don't think so."

He drops the towel, jumping face first onto my bed. "Dude, I thought I was going
to fucking lose my mind for a second."

I lie next to him, holding my pillow over my face. "If you weren't so loud when I
was fucking your brains out we wouldn't have this problem." I attempt to keep my
tone light.
- 108 -
 I lift the pillow and smirk; Jasper relaxes and flips around onto his back. We fall
into an easy conversation; I tease him about his dick in the box, and he makes fun of
me for patting Bella on the head. We talk about the end of school, graduation and all
that we have planned for the next few weeks. All of which count down to our move
to California.

"I thought I'd be balls deep in Alice every day until the move change of plans, I
guess," he mumbles, flipping through the channels on the TV.

It's awkward. He should be able to sleep with who ever he wants. I've never cared
before, why would I care now?

I have no idea, but I do.

"Jazz " I start, interrupted.

"It's cool; don't even say anything because if we talk about it then shit will get
weird again. I'm over weird, I just want to be."

"Alright," I mumble, fidgeting; relieved he won't be with Alice and glad that we're
past weird.

"But if I'm not fucking anyone else, neither are you." Jasper sits up, his face in his
hands. "We're not together; this isn't a relationship but " he trails off.

"I get it."

He laughs. "Do you? Because I'm confused as fuck."

He is looking at me, new hair cut looking all kinds of sexy. I still hate myself for
feeling this way towards him. I'm still fucked up in the head over it, but as time
passes, even over night, I feel more at ease with what ever the fuck is going on.

At least we're going through this together.

I didn't even realize that Jasper had moved, but he's right in front of me. His lips
so close, eyes focused on my mouth.

"Kiss me," he whispers.

I swallow, nervous and confused. My body reacting in ways that betray me.
"What?"
- 109 -
 "Kiss me. Kiss me and we'll see what happens." Jasper licks his lips, coming
unbelievably closer.

"Ummm" I stumble.

"Edward," he groans, "just fucking kiss me."

I nod and close my eyes. "Okay."

I don't have to go far; he's already so close. Pushing through the short distance,
our lips touch briefly before I pull back. We haven't fucked around while sober, not
really.

This might be more fucked up than I thought.

I don't have a chance to collect a coherent thought before Jasper's lips are back on
my own. He pushes down onto me, causing me to lie on my back. His palms are flat
on each side of my head, holding himself up above me. His head dips in, kissing me
with a closed mouth at first. Kissing my lips carefully and slowly, kissing me
cautiously until my tongue glides along his bottom lip; he gives up and I give in.

I can feel the heat coming off his body. My dick is hard and can't be hidden
underneath the thin fabric of my shorts. I open my mouth, our tongues touch and
then touch again. Jasper places one of his knees between mine, kissing me without
reluctance.

"Edward," he breathes, sitting back on his heels. "Edward, take off your shirt."

I do. I take that shit off and toss it across the fucking room.

Jasper smiles arrogantly before pulling down the front of my shorts and plunging
my dick down his throat.

My hands dig into the bed, my back arches like a fucking chic and I whimper. I do.
I whimper because his mouth feels so fucking right. It's a sweet relief, and now that
we're fucking around again. I come to terms with how badly I've wanted to be with
him all fucking day.

Foils included.

But we're sober, we will have no other choice but to deal with these fucked up
feelings we have. It is no longer a one-time deal, or something that happens when
- 110 -
we're drunk or high. This is real life; this is us with a clear head. This is us being
together in this way because we want to be.

This is beyond me.

Jasper's tongue swirls around the head of my dick before his lips glide back down
my shaft. He looks at me, and I find it hard to look him in the eyes but I don't find it
difficult to admire how sexy his lips look wrapped around my piece.

I place my hand on the back of Jasper's head; he hits my hand away and gags on
my dick.

It's so fucking sexy. So, I do it again.

Jasper lets my dick go from between his lips. His hands are holding my hips down;
my dick is wet from his spit and throbbing as a result of being so damn hard.

He looks up at me, mouth still so close to my Johnson. His eyes are watery and his
lips are swollen and red. His cheeks are flushed, and his hair is fucked up just
enough to know he was messin' around.

His face, his posture the way he is leaning over my dick and positioned between
my legs is too much. Jasper is so fucking hot; I can hardly contain the growl that rips
from my chest. My breathing hitches and my hands fist into the bed.

"I'm sorry, just touch me. Please," I whimper with every ounce of blood headed
towards my dick.

I try to prop myself up on my elbows but fall right back down. My eyes begin to
roll to the back of my head; Jasper's lips are on my hip bone. He slowly kisses his
way back to my piece, massaging my balls as he goes. Jasper pulls and tugs on them,
almost to the point of pain but it feels so fucking good I have to cover my own mouth
with my hands.

I'm quick to give up on my hands and use a pillow to cover my mouth instead.

I hear him laughing under his breath. I can feel his breath on my wet dick, too.
When I finally feel Jasper lick along the vein on the underside of my dick, I look. His
eyes are glued to mine, the tip of his tongue licking me where it feels best. Pre-cum
seeps from the tip of my cock. Jasper licks it right off, his tongue slides between the
slit on my dick and I fucking die.

- 111 -
 I cover my head with my pillow and literally scream as Jasper takes me all the way
into his throat.

Jasper bobs his head up and down, each pull stronger than the last. My gasping
breath is hot beneath the pillow; I can feel my face heating up. Jasper's mouth feels
so good; too good it's overwhelming. My eyes water and my teeth clench. It's
almost too good I want him to stop almost.

When it gets to the point where I feel like I might really die. When I am convinced
that if it feels any better, I'll strike me dead because I've experienced a goodness I
can never come back from. The ultimate feel good; a gift from above, but then I start
to cum and realize I haven't really felt good until this point.

Now, I can die a happy man.

"Fuck!" I throw the pillow off my head, placing both of my hands on the side of
Jasper's face and guide him through my orgasm.

He allows me to literally fuck his face while I cum inside of his mouth. My eyes are
closed and my head is back, my arms tense and flexed while I guide Jasper's head up
and down over my pulsating cock.

I whisper profanities, thank whoever, and promise to be a good man if I can

experience this kind of righteousness for always.

I'll paint a motherfucking pony pink and dance around in purple leggings if I can
get my dick sucked like this everyday.

Can I take a mouth on a date? Buy it flowers? Maybe marry it? Can I do that with a
mouth?

The rest of Jasper is cool, but it's his mouth that I love.

When it ends, I fall flat onto my back and pray for air. I look up at Jasper and his
pretty mouth; they're smirking at me. Jasper wipes his lips off with his arm.

I shake my head because there are no words. "Never," I breathe heavily. "Never
like that." A smile rips across my face "I love your mouth; I want to meet its
parents."

We both laugh.

- 112 -
 "You're welcome," Jasper says into my ear before kissing my lips quickly and
falling flat beside me.

He gives me sometime to recover. One arm behind his head, the other hand
holding the remote he uses to flip through the TV. He is hard, I can see it though his
jeans. Oddly enough, I want to help him out with his problem.

Call me a selfish prick but want to fuck him again, badly.

Between his mouth and his ass, I may never recover from this. His sex is all I can
think about, and I'm sober. It's fucked up.

My dick is hard before it has time to dry. Jasper laughs at me, pretending to be
uninterested. I should kick him in the balls; he has me by mine and fucking knows it.

His awareness is obvious in the smug, crooked smile that plays on his lips - lips
that we're just wrapped around my cock.

I roll off the bed, pull up my shorts and go into the bathroom. It's becoming too
much to deal with, my head is light and my chest feels funny. I splash some water on
my face, trying to look myself in the eyes to see if I even know who I am anymore.

My face is flushed and blotchy, eyes lazy and my lips swollen. I look like I just got
fucked; I look like I was in bed all day getting my hump on.

And it was a with a fucking boy.

Thinking about vagina still sparks a flare. I'm down with pussy I even miss it a
little. I'm past worrying about not liking girls anymore; I do and I always will. I'm
just not sure what I am supposed to be doing with Jasper. We agreed not to fuck
around with anyone else. We also made sure the other knew that this isn't a
relationship, but it's something. It's safe to say we are more than friends.

I can't deal with the term boyfriend. That is too fucking odd; I'm not gay. Only gay
boys have boyfriends. Besides, other shit comes with calling a person your girlfriend
or boyfriend. Like feelings and obligations. Hand holding, cuddling, talking on the
phone into all hours of the night, dates, gifts, and love.

I'm not even trying to go there, not with him.

Jasper appears in the mirror behind me, a strange feeling of dj vu.

- 113 -
 "What's up?" he asks, leaning on the bathroom counter beside me.

"Nothing, I just needed to wash my face." I pull the towel down from the rack and
dry off the water.

"Freaked out, or what?" Jasper asks, looking down at his feet.

Socks are still on.

"Yeah, a little."

"Me too, but I'm sick of worrying about it, Edward." He looks up at me, eyes full of
honesty. "The way I see it, we have three weeks left. We can fight this and let shit be
awkward, or we can go with the flow and do what feels good." He blushes. "To me,
you feel good."

The silence between us is deafening and again, the conversation is left in my lap. I
can call him a fag and we can go that route, or I can answer him honestly and move
on. I feel like if I admit to liking this, it makes me a bad person. I've never been one
to judge another person for who they are sexually attracted to. People should be
able to love whomever they love. Fuck whomever they want without being
condemned for it.

I think its cool as fuck when two girls kiss. Porn is awesome; dicks in porn do not
bother me. Gay porn is not my thing, two boys kissing and fucking was always kind
of gross, but it is only because I'm not attracted to that sort of thing.

So, then why is this okay? Why does this work for Jazz and me?

I'm afraid of what it means to admit that I like being with him. What does that say
about me? That I'm bi-sexual? That I'm a little bit gay but not that much? Am I gay
for Jasper? Other dudes don't do it for me. Jasper may never have done it for me if
he didn't kiss me in the kitchen that night. Why is this so much easier for him?

"I don't know how much I can give you, Jazz."

He runs his hands though his new short hair, smiling. "Hey, I only want one thing
from you, Edward. This isn't about love and hearts, bro."

He looks convinced, his words sound truthful but there is a little bit of softness on
the side and it's the softness that scares me. But it's Jasper I want, so fuck it.

- 114 -
 "Alright, but if you start going soft on me, I'm pulling your dick off." I laugh, trying
to lighten the mood.

Jasper looks down at his dick. "I don't think becoming soft is going to be a
problem."

After I take a piss, I join Jasper back in the bedroom. He is in bed, on his back,
erection pressed against his jeans. I wouldn't know it if I wasn't looking for it. But I
am because Jasper makes me hot as fuck. Now that we're out in the open and have
admitted to liking each others cock, I am allowed to look for erections.

I'm still not down for cuddling and shit. Maybe I'll hold his hand when we're
sleeping but not during the day. I will not be whispering sweet nothings, and there
will be no dates unless it's with his mouth.

Settling in next to Jasper, I feel bad for his hard-on, but I'm tired and refuse to
bring it up. It's cool if we're fucking but I'm still not comfortable with openly talking
about it. Which I guess isn't a problem since Jasper seems to be much more
comfortable with this entire set-up than I am.

He's on me as soon as I'm on the bed, kissing my lips and humping my leg. He's
asking me please, and telling me he really needs it.

"Need what?" I ask in my own stupidity.

Jasper answers my question by sitting up on his knees and releasing his monster
cock from his pants. I swear his piece has its own soul and it's a living being. I
wouldn't be surprised if it was issued a Social Security number when Jasper was
born. His schlong is that big. I'm sure his dick will be expected to pay taxes one day.

"Please?" Jasper begs. "Please, Edward."

I've put it in my mouth before fuck it. "Okay."

I should have known better with Jasper. Nothing is easy with him. He's a fucking
freak and I'm his victim. I try to stay calm as he straddles my chest. Feeling a little
bit claustrophobic, I take deep breathes and wait to see what it is exactly he is
doing.

He pins my arms down to the bed using his knees, his dick is almost poking me in
the face, and his balls are touching my chest.

- 115 -
 "Jazz," I argue.

"Shhhh," he whispers, smiling while he pumps his shaft over my face a couple of
times.

I'm sort of okay with this, being pinned down and jacked off over. That is until he
grips his rod and lifts it up. He hold his dick up and thrusts his hips forward. I want
to scream but I can't because I get a mouth full of balls.

Jasper isn't laughing at me, not really. He likes it; he likes his balls in my mouth.
He is fucking tea bagging me and taking it seriously.

Who teabags?

Balls are weird. They're kind of gross and their texture is funny. The wrinkles are
not attractive. Jasper's are pretty big, and once they're in my mouth, I'm not sure
what I'm supposed to do with them. I kind of roll my tongue around and french-kiss
them a little. I don't have use of my hands so my mouth is my only tool.

In one swift motion, Jasper, pulls his balls from my mouth and shoves his dick in
their place. He doesn't give it to me fully because he knows I can't fit the entire
thing. And I'm still okay with this.

It's only the second time I've had a cock in my mouth but I feel better about it than
I did the first.

Jasper slowly strokes in and out of my mouth. His balls hit me in the chin, and
there are a couple of times when he strokes too far and I gag. He tells me I'm doing
a great job. He whispers that he loves my mouth and that I feel so fucking good. We
work ourselves into a good rhythm. My jaw hurts but making Jasper feel good, feels
good.

I want more because, fuck, I want him so bad.

The movements in his hips are fluid and smooth. He moans and whispers drive me
crazy. I want to touch him I want to be touched. And just as it seems that Jasper
and I have worked up to a good place, he pulls his dick from my mouth and trades it
for his balls for a second time.

This time he is fucking with me; lifting his balls in and out of my mouth. He asks
me if I want milk with my tea before releasing the grip on his dick and letting it
smack me right in the center of my face.
- 116 -
 His piece is big, it is heavy and it made my eyes water a little bit. Before I can
fight back, Jasper is off my chest and pulling off my shorts. Everything is happening
so quickly. We're both naked; his dick is wrapped and lubed. He kisses my lips,
whispers to me that he wants to fuck me, and flips me over onto my stomach.

Jasper squirts lube all over my ass; it is cold but then begins to warm and tingle.
He's kissing the back of my neck, teasing with his finger before plunging one inside
of me. I gasp, burying my face into my pillow.

"Is this okay? Does it feel good?" he asks, working his fingers in and out.

I can't think; I nod but then get scared. Butt sex is scary and I've only done it
drunk his dick is so big!

Jasper inserts another finger, then another, but it hurts and he pulls away. I'm
trying to catch my breath and wrap my brain around what is about to happen.

"Are you alright?" Jasper kisses the back of my shoulder; his erection sliding
between my butt cheeks.

"Do you realize how fucking sexy you are, Edward? You're so fucking good; you
feel the best. The best I've ever had. I fucking swear."

His hands are on my skin, and his dick rubbing up and down. My eyes are still
closed; I nod my head because I want him. I want this, I'm just lacking my liquid
courage.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say; my body and mind having two different opinions on the matter.

I'm mentally ready to get ass fucked, not physically go figure.

"Edward." Jasper slaps my lubed ass. "Edward, unclench your butt checks, bro."

Jasper tries to lift my hips off the bed, but I'm not moving. My eyes and my ass are
clenched tightly closed and the rest of me is playing dead. Jasper kneels between my
legs, trying to pry open my ass, but my butt muscles are stronger and they remain
closed for business.

"Dude!" he squeaks, slapping my ass again and again.

- 117 -
 "Just give me a sec, Jasper. Fuck," I plead.

"What's the deal, Edward? We've done this before," he counters, still trying to
spread my butt cheeks open.

"Not sober, not like this."

"Oh, well, shit." He laughs, massaging my ass instead of spanking it. "Do you want
me to make love to you? Will that help? If I'm slow and shit?"

He is such a fucking idiot sometimes.

"Jasper, shut the fuck up."

"Come on, my dick is starting to hurt."

I sigh. "Fine, but be careful go slow and leave out all the love."

Love sounds gay. Like socks.

"I can love you if I want, just shut the fuck up." Jasper laughs, settling himself over
my hole readying himself as I unclench my cheeks.

I take a deep breath, feeling the tip of his gargantuan cock penetrate my ass. All
laughing stops immediately; Jasper's breathing is raspy, mine is choppy with short
and sharp gasps. Jazz grips onto my hair; he asks me if I'm okay again. I can hear his
struggle to speak; I know how it feels. This type of sex is overpowering. It consumes
and takes over. It is mind numbing and world changing.

Jasper's forehead falls to the area between my shoulder blades, slowly and
achingly pushing himself into me little by little. He pulls back and falls in further
than the time before. Each time he goes in deeper. I try to control my noise level. It
hurts but feels better. His skin is warm against mine. I like his words of comfort and
the smell of his breath.

I like this.

I like us doing this.

When he finally makes it all the way inside, we share a moan and I take a moment
to adjust to his size and the sensation.

- 118 -
 "Oh, fuck me. Edward fuck, I will never come back from this. It's too good," he
whispers while kissing the corner of my mouth.

The moment passes; Jasper is pulling out and stroking back in. The sounds of
slapping skin and our sex fill the room. It is easy to forget that we're not the only
ones in the house. It is easy to forget that we are not the only ones left on the face of
the earth.

He lifts me up onto all fours; his hands are gripped onto my hips and his face flat
on my back. I hold onto the headboard of my bed, and once the initial discomfort
passes, he can't go fast enough.

"Harder, Jasper," I urge. My body already being jerked back and forth from his
harsh thrusts.

Yeah, it's easy to forget that your brothers are only downstairs when you're being
fucked this good. That is until one of those brothers knocks on your bedroom door
and asks what the fuck is going on.

It's not hard to forget after that.

It is only hard to care.

- 119 -
 Chapter 7

AN: Filia1990 co-wrote this chapter. I do not own wood-shopping and

force. She does.

Chapter 7

Jasper

"Hello, dudes, let me in. What the fuck is going on in there?" The door handle
wiggles and a fist pounds on the thick wooden door. "Are you guys watching porn? I
like porn, let me in! I have to pee!"

This is the part where I am supposed to flip out because I just got caught balls
deep inside of Edward's ass.

If I were thinking with a clear mind I'd pull out and hide in the closet or
something. (Ironic, I know.) I just can't find a boner errr, bone, in my body to give
a fuck.

Edward has his heated cheeks pressed against his cool headboard, up on his hands
and knees, and I'm fucking him into next week. He is tight around my dick, our balls
are bangin', and he just said my motherfucking name.

My brother can kiss my ass.

Not literally of course.

"Come on, I know you guys are in there. I can hear noises!" Peter pounds on the
door a little more.

"Jasper," Edward whispers. "Jazz."

My head falls back; I pound into Edward relentlessly. "Yeah, baby, say my name."

"What? No, you fucking fag." Edward sits up on his knees; I'm still deep inside of

- 120 -
him. "We have to stop. Your brother can hear," he says, trying to keep his voice low.

I slow my strokes, kissing the side of Edward's neck. I hold my arm around his
chest and give it to him slow and hard.

"Jasper" Edward struggles to speak. " Jazz, we have to stop."

Instead of giving him an answer with my words, I wrap my hand around his cock
and pump him a few times. "Tell me to stop again," I mumble into his ear. "Tell me
to stop, and I will."

Stroking cock and ass fucking simultaneously is a lot like rubbing your stomach
and patting your head, some can do it, but not everyone is so skilled.

I got skills mad skills.

Edward is moaning and humping my hand like a madman. My pelvis hits his ass
cheeks with a smack. His eyes are rolling into the back of his head and his dick is
leaking onto my fingers.

He's right though, Peter can hear.

"We can go into the bathroom," I offer, nothing will stop me from fucking him.

Edward only nods.

Before I direct him on how exactly were going to do this, because I refuse to pull
out, I tease him a little. "Your dick is so pretty, Edward." I kiss the spot on the back
of his ear. "Look at it, look at how fucking beautiful your cock is."

Edward looks down at my hand jerking him off.

"You know what is prettier than your cock?" I lick the side of his face, whispering
so softly. "Your tight little ass."

"Fucking mother-fuck. You stupid son of a fuck, harder," Edward moans.

I release his piece from my grip; Edward's penis bounces a few times and I think
it's fucking hilarious. I hide my laughter by biting onto the top of his shoulder and
pulling his head back by his hair. "We're going to set our left feet down onto the
floor at the same time, okay?"

- 121 -
 "Yeah, whatever." He nods.

When our feet touch the carpet, and it's hard for me to stop pushing into him, but
my brother is still pounding on the door, and I know if we don't do something, he'll
call Emmett upstairs too.

"Now, your other foot." Together, Edward and I place our left feet onto the carpet.

Now we're standing beside his bed with my dick in his ass with my brother being a
complete idiot at the door.

"Go away!" I yell out, ready to punch the motherfucker in his grill.

"I can't. Emmett is in the shower, and I have to pee!" Peter calls back.

"There are two other bathrooms," Edward groans, trying to pull away from me.

I hold him still. "Walk towards the bathroom, be quiet," I whisper, ignoring
whatever the fuck it is Peter is screaming through the door.

It is kind of hard at first; Edward and I can't get our footing in sync. He steps with
his left, and I step with my right. The only reason my peen hasn't slipped out is
because I have an iron clad grip on his hips, keeping him attached to me.

"Dude, do the fucking duck walk." I pinch his nipple for being an ass.

I knew I was the smart one.

We must look like fucking idiots. Edward has a dick up his ass and an erection the
size of a telephone pole, and I have my dick stuck up Edward's ass, holding onto his
body as if my life depends on it, and we're doing the duck walk to the bathroom.

I close my eyes in case we run into any mirrors on the way.

Once we're in the bathroom, I yell for my brother to leave us the fuck alone and
slam the door shut. I lock it just in case. Edward turns on the sink water, and I reach
over and turn on the shower.

The bathroom fills with steam, the mirror fogs over and the air is thick. I can't
hear my brother, he can't hear us.

"Hey, Edward," I taunt in his ear, pressing him against the bathroom counter. "You
- 122 -
might want to hold on."

Our eyes meet in the foggy mirror. I smile and kiss the back of his neck before I
pull almost all the way out and slam back in.

My fingers dig into his hipbones; I spread his legs with my foot and fuck him
thoroughly. I fuck him until his feet come off the ground - until he is a mumbling
mess. Until I feel the burn in the pit of my stomach explode out to the rest of my
body.

My forehead drops onto his shoulder; I kiss his hot skin while I thrust into him
deeply and forcefully. Edward wraps his hand around his own piece, stroking while
he cries out that he's going to cum. His eyes are tightly shut, his eyebrows are
scrunched and his lips pouty.

When an actual tear falls from the corner of Edward's eye, I lift my head and lick it
off his skin.

His knees buckle and his dick shoots cum all over the bathroom counter and sink.
Edward's head falls back, he whispers profanities and pumps his shaft until there is
nothing left.

It is completely mind numbing watching Edward cum. The faces he makes, the
way he moves his body and the movements in his hands. The way his back muscles
flex, and the veins in his hand protrude it's fucking amazing.

Unknowingly, Edward turns his head towards me, his eyes are still closed and he
still pumping out the last of his orgasm. I can't help myself, I kiss him I kiss him
motherfucking hard, and cum while I do it.

He shares his breath, keeping our mouths together while I gasp out, 'fucks,' and
'so goods,' directly against his lips.

As the rush slows, so do the movements in my hips and the sounds from my lungs.
The blood in my veins flows swiftly; I'm high on endorphins and feel absolutely
fantastic. I kiss Edward's lips a few more times before he collapses onto the counter.
He is breathing frantically, blinking a few times trying to catch his breath.

I pull out, automatically pulling off the condom and tossing it into the trash. The
bathroom is stuffy; the steam is blinding and suffocating. Our hair is wet from steam
and our skin is blotchy and red. Edward's knees are still shaking and I swear he is
crying.
- 123 -
 "Are you alright?" I ask, turning off the water and opening up the window.

"Fine. I can't fucking breathe." He stands up, holding himself up with his hands on
the counter. Edward's head is hanging down.

I touch his arm and turn him around so that he is facing me. My hand goes
through his damp hair. My forehead presses against his. Our dicks are touching. It
makes me feel uncomfortable, but I don't do anything to change our stance.

"Are you okay?" I ask again, refusing to look him in the eye.

Every time he inhales his chest swells, almost touching mine. Heat radiates
between the two of us and our softening dicks stay close together.

"I'm fine. I just need shower." Edward laughs, but it's not a true laugh. "You're
fucking brother" he trails off.

The panic in his voice, intimacy in my touching, and the proximity between our
bodies quickly becomes too much for me to handle. I know we decided to move on
from the awkwardness, decided not to make shit weird, but this is suddenly
becoming a lot to handle.

I'm touching Edward like I would a chic; letting him see me naked, seeing him
naked. It's been okay so far, but this this feels different, evolving and
transforming.

I feel something in my gut, and I don't fucking like it.

I move away from Edward and grabb a towel to cover myself. "Take a shower; I'll
be out in the room."

He is looking at me with puppy dog eyes, and I feel like punching him in the
stomach for being such a pussy. I need to remind the son of a bitch about what is
exactly happening here; we're fucking, because it feels good. There aren't feelings,
there isn't love or commitment. We're fucking. That's it.

So why the fuck is he looking at me like that?

"What the fuck are you looking at, Jasper?" Edward asks, grabbing a towel to
cover his junk.

"What? I'm not looking at you, you're looking at me!" I snort; he was totally
- 124 -
looking at me.

"No, dick, you are looking at me with sad eyes and shit. Get the fuck out so I can
take a shower."

He's lost his mind. "Edward, I don't have sad eyes. I don't get sad eyes, and you
were looking at me!"

"Get out."

"Fine," I say, unlocking the bathroom door.

"Fine, bye."

"Bye!" I slam it shut and looks around, confident I just won that battle.

In my socks and towel, I play some 360 while Edward showers. When he's done, he
steps out of the bathroom and goes straight into the closet. I take the opportunity to
grab a shower and brush my teeth, and when I get out Edward has taken my spot in
front of the TV.

"I was playing that," I say, sitting next to my friend.

Edward smirks and tosses me the extra remote. No other words are exchanged;
we play and we shut up. A little after two in the morning we go to bed and we both
crash within minutes of lying down.

I dream about titty fucking Pamela Anderson and wake up with a massive erection;
her body is gross and old, but her titties are fucking awesome.

Edward is still asleep, face down in his pillow. As quietly as I can, I get out of bed
and run towards the bathroom to jerk off.

Jerking off to a big set of fake tits feels good.

I rub one out directly into the toilet so there isn't a mess to clean up. After I wipe
away the leftover cum off my dick head, I brush my teeth and wash my face. Back in
the bedroom, Edward is still sleeping and as much as I would like to stay and hang
around in his room for another day, I have shit to do.

I grab my clothes, stand in front of Edward's sleeping body for a good five minutes
before I decide that saying goodbye is totally gay, and leave. We don't do the
- 125 -
morning after shit.

Walking down the stairs, the TV is on and I can hear Carlisle and Esme talking
with Peter and Emmett in the kitchen. I try to make a b-line towards the front door
but get caught.

"Where's Edward?" Peter asks, eating a bowl of cereal in the kitchen entrance
way.

"Upstairs, sleeping," I answer with a calm and collective tone.

I know he heard something, I just don't know what.

"Dinner is at our house tonight. Em and I are leaving tomorrow morning."

"Okay," I say, opening the front door.

"What's the matter with you? You're acting weird." Peter emphasizes 'weird.'

With the front door open, I turn to face my brother. I'm met with a smug
expression and the ugly truth: Edward and I fucked up, big time.

Peter winks, turns around and walks back into the kitchen. I take a much needed
breath and walk out onto the front porch. I mumble a 'hey' to Rosalie, and continue
walking towards my car. I'm not easily susceptible to stress, but this shit has me
rocked.

"Don't worry," Rosalie calls out, taking another hit of her cigarette. "They don't
know, but if you and Edward keep it up, it won't be long before they catch on."

My hand is on the car door handle. "What?"

"You and Edward, you're not very good at keeping your secret a secret, if you
know what I mean." Rosalie stands, tossing her cigarette butt into the bushes. "Don't
worry, I won't say anything. I think it's dead sexy." She winks and walks towards the
front door.

"Okay, thanks." I stumble, looking for an appropriate reaction. "I think you're sexy
too?"

Rosalie laughs out loud before waving good-bye. "I'll see you at dinner tonight.
Maybe afterward you and Edward can put on another show so I can stand outside
- 126 -
the door and listen again?"

I blush hard. "Sure?" This girl has me crazy.

"Bye, Jazz." Rosalie walks through the door; I sit inside of my car and smile.

My brother doesn't know I'm fucking my best friend, and I feel good knowing that
our secret is safe. The dreaded feeling I had earlier is gone, and if it wasn't so
suspicious, I would go back upstairs with my boy.

Back at home, I say hello to the parentals - mom freaks out about my hair a little -
and go up to my room. I haven't slept in my own bed in a week. My room feels
weird; it's all of my own shit, but it's like none of it belongs here anymore. In all
reality, it doesn't. In two and a half more weeks, it will all belong in San Diego.

Leaned up against the wall is a stack of moving boxes. I open one up and start
with my closet.

I find shit I forgot I even had: school projects, pictures and old clothes. Inside of a
shoebox are all of my old retainers, all different colors and designs. A few trophies
from baseball, a ninja turtle, and Edward's old fanny pack are shoved in the very
back under all of my old backpacks and other shit.

I find one of Alice's bra's - pre boob job - that shit makes me laugh out loud. Her
tits were so small, hardly a handful. I liked her better back when she was a sweet
little virgin. I could do no wrong in her eyes. Everything is so different now, she isn't
sweet at all. She is all woman, heartbreak-hotel extraordinaire.

"Jazz, Edward is on the phone." My mom peeks her head inside of my bedroom,
holding the house phone out for me.

"Thanks, Ma." I wait for her to close the door before I say anything. "Hello."

"Why did you leave?" Edwards asks, sounding natural.

"I had shit to do around here. You were sleeping anyways." I close up the box,
label it with a 'J' and set it to the side.

"Well, I'll be over for dinner." He is being weird, acting too naturally.

"Okay, what's your deal?"

- 127 -
 Edward clears his throat. "Nothing. Peter said Alice is coming over tonight?"

Taken back, I become defensive. "I don't fucking know. I didn't invite her."

"Whatever. I'll see you later." Edward hangs up, and I'm left with the dial tone.

I pack a few more boxes before I get into the shower and get ready for dinner. I
can hear when my brother gets home; he comes into my room and fucks with my
shit before leaving and mumbling something about fucking Tanya in the downstairs
bathroom.

The Cullen's show up sans Edward, and I put on my happy face, greeting everyone
like a polite boy would. My parents invited a few other people from around town. I
guess we're celebrating graduation again.

I sneak a beer out of the refrigerator and go out into the front yard for some air. I
know Edward said she was coming, I didn't know he was telling the truth, and I
didn't think Edward and Alice would be showing up together.

"She thought the dinner was at my house." Edward smiles vindictively, pointing
over his shoulder at Alice as he walks right past me into the house.

"Hey, Jazz." Alice waves, kissing me lightly on the lips when she is close enough.
"You're mom invited me over when I ran into her at the store last night. I hope you
don't mind."

"I don't mind, baby." I try to keep up appearances. Although, all I can think about
is Edward walking past me.

"Oh, good!" Alice takes my hand, lacing our fingers together.

I take a huge drink of my beer.

I am not cheating on Edward. I am not cheating on Edward.

Dinner is beyond awkward. Rosalie stares at Edward and me all night, Edward
stares at me and Alice, Alice stares at my dick, and Emmett and Peter stare at each
other. Not in a romantic type of way; in a douche-bag sort of way.

Me, I look straight ahead and drink my body weight in beer.

Mom and dad give a small speech; they're so proud of me blah, blah, blah I've
- 128 -
grown up to be such a fine young man blah, blah, blah I'll do wonders in life,
blah, blah, blah and they love me, a lot.

Alice squeals and claps, she kisses me a little more, and I make a huge mistake by
kissing her back. Just a little just on the lips. No tongue, no groping or anything
like that but everyone was watching. I had to!

Edward starts laughing like a weirdo; he gets up and says he needs some air.
Rosalie is still looking, making jerking off motions with her hands. Mom and dad are
still gushing, and Peter and Emmett are still acting like fucking dumb shits. All of
this commotion is going all around me, and my heart is in my stomach.

That sounded really gay.

But it's true.

"Alice," I say, taking her hands off my face and setting them in her own lap. "I
need to go to the bathroom."

"Oh, do you?" she says seductively.

"Alone." I kiss the top of her head, wink at Rosalie, and walk out of the dining
room.

My car keys are hanging up next to the front door. Edward's car is missing from
the spot it was parked in; he left only five minutes ago he could be anywhere.

I drive my car over to Edward's house, determined to clear things up. I ring the
doorbell but no one answers. I hear a noise though, so I walk around the side of the
house towards the backyard.

I find Edward at the back of the house, chopping wood. He's shirtless, only
wearing a pair of jeans and his chucks. He has an axe, and he is actually chopping
wood.

What. The. Fuck.

I start walking towards him. I want to laugh because the situation seems so
comical. I mean, who chops wood? Seriously?

"Good evening to the woodchopper," I yell behind his back. He turns to look at me.
His eyes have fury. How the fuck can he still be angry?
- 129 -
 "Look who's here," Edward mocks, turning his back on me again. He places a huge
piece of wood on the tree stump that is in front of him. I'm not sure what kind of
wood it is, but the color reminds me of something.

He grabs his axe and gazes at the wood menacingly. "Fucking wood," he grumbles
under his breath and glances at me. "Have you noticed that Alice's eyes have the
color of wood, lady killer?"

He's right, but I don't have the time to respond. The axe's blade attacks the brown,
solid surface.

Chop.

"Lady killer? What's that supposed to mean?" I demand, walking in front of him.

Chop.

"It means you make pussies wet, fucker."

Chop.

"Alice wants you so bad. Never seen a chick want a dude more, and you - you just
led her on!" he yells.

Chop.

"Everyone was looking at us, E. What the fuck was I supposed to do?"

Chop.

"I have no fucking idea, so stop asking questions!" His arms come up and over.

Chop.

"You're making no sense, and you're acting like a total prick! What the fuck is
shoved up your ass, Edward?"

Chop!

The axe lands on the trunk and stays there. The wood splits into two pieces; its
halves fall on the ground, making a loud sound. Our eyes meet.

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 He is raging.

"Nothing will ever be shoved up my ass again, Whitlock! Hear me?" He takes two
steps, stopping in front of me. His hands are on my T-shirt suddenly. He grabs my
collar and drags me violently to the wall of his house, banging me against it.

I am stunned.

I feel my fucking bones shudder to my core and his fucking gaze penetrate mine.
The green of it is similar to the color of the forest. The veins of his neck are visible;
the muscles of his chest and shoulders are noticeable. He is all muscle; cut lean
muscle that glistens with sweat in the twilight. His jaw is sharp and defined. His
scent is heavy. Musk and strength.

He smells like fucking force.

Force does shit to me. It makes me shiver. My head is spinning, and my eyes see
black spots. They drop to his mouth. I've never looked at his mouth directly. I've
never looked at him too much or let myself think about what he looks like not
until today, not until we were both naked in the bathroom.

I feel my dick harden.

I am shocked.

I am confused.

This was not supposed to be about what he looks like to me.

And then I'm fucking outraged.

I grab his neck and shoulders, pushing him away from me. He didn't expect my
move. He didn't expect me to fight back, but I do. I'm furious, too, because of what
his proximity does to me. I can't fucking believe what he does to me. I want him to
disappear, so I punch him, hoping he will dissolve into thin air.

"Fucking asshole!" I hiss.

He doesn't disappear; this is real. He seems overwhelmed for a moment, but then
he just wipes his lower bleeding lip and growls. Force hits my cheek; force hits my
stomach. He makes me kneel in front of him. His hands dig into my hair, pulling it.
He makes me look up at him.
- 131 -
 "How's the fucking lady killer now, Jasper? You little bitch!"

I punch his shinbone. Edward cries out and falls down in the dirt. I straddle his
torso. I can't let him win. I have to be stronger than him. "Shut the fuck up, Cullen!"

He hits my chest, and the air leaves my lungs. I'm the one down now. He is on top
of me, his hands grasping my shoulders. "You can't make me shut up!" He fists my
collar again. He straightens up and brings me upwards towards him. My body is
fucking hurting all over. My dick is still hard, and I'm still seeing black spots. He
stops pulling me when my face is an inch away from his. He's breathing against my
face.

Why the fuck am I breathing in his breath?

He gulps. "Fuck ..."

We find the wall once again. I bring my hands up to the sides of his neck,
helplessly struggling for dominance. I try to shove him away, but it doesn't happen.
Edward is pressed against me, and I am pressed against the wall. He shifts his hips,
making them meet mine.

He's hard, so damn hard, and when he grinds into me, I groan like a motherfucker
and can't stop myself from grinding back. My head falls back against the wall.

It's like nothing I've ever felt. It's powerful. It's fucked.

It's force.

He presses himself on me but doesn't move again. He stops. Fuck, he stops.

The words are out of my mouth before I could control them. "Don't stop."

I feel him gasp against my neck. "Like I fucking can."

Our movements are frantic; Edward's lips are on mine, his teeth scraping at my
skin. His hands come between us to unbuckle my pants. I'm panting, eyes rolling.
The sun goes down slowly; the sky is painted with dark oranges and deep purples.

"Did you like kissing her?" Edward asks, his hands plunging down the front of my
pants. "Do you miss fucking her? Because it sure looked like you do." He laughs,
wrapping his hands around my cock.

- 132 -
 "No," I whimper, thrusting my hips into his hand.

Edward brings his hands out of my pants, his forehead presses against mine like
yesterday. "I hated seeing you with her, and I have no fucking idea why."

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

Edward doesn't say another word before dropping to his knees and pulling my
pants down mid-thigh. He looks up at me, winks and grabs a hold of my piece before
wrapping his lips around it.

I hold my breath, not making a sound just listening to the noises my dick in
Edward mouth's makes. His tongue runs up and down the underside of my length,
his hand twists and turns at the base of my cock.

My fingers thread into his hair, carefully moving his head back and forth.

He sucks me off for a couple of more minutes, releasing my piece with a subtle
pop.

"Turn around," Edward orders, his lips soft and wet.

I didn't necessarily plan on being fucked again. Might have assumed I was the top,
but for him, for tonight, I'd do anything. So, I turn around with my face against the
side of the house.

Edward spreads my legs with his foot; his hand brushes across my ass as he
unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants. When I feel the tip of his dick tickle my ass
cheek, I laugh nervously.

"I don't have anything," Edward whispers into my ear, his penis slipping between
my butt cheeks. "I don't have lube," he says it like it's a dirty word.

Edward

"I don't know, Edward, just do it." Jasper looks over his shoulder at me; I'm left to
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handle the dilemma on my own.

Jasper makes it sound like a Michael Jordan Nikes commercial: 'Just do it.'

I position myself behind him, finding his hole; I stick the tip of my finger against
him and press. Jasper squeals like a fucking chick, clenching his butt checks around
my finger.

"Maybe we should switch, Edward, you're already loose." Jasper turns to face me,
his dick touching mine again.

Tip to tip.

"Did you just fucking call me loose?" Stupid motherfucker.

Jasper snorts. "I didn't mean it like that. You're not loose; you've just been stuck
more times than I have."

I lift my fist to punch him; Jasper blocks his face.

"Just turn around." Now I have to prove a point. I don't know what I'm doing, but I
have to do something. "Jazz?"

"Yeah."

"Did you take a shower today?"

"Ummm yeah?"

I drop to my knees, his plump butt cheeks meeting me face to face. With both of
my hands, I spread his cheeks and make a face.

"Dude, what the fuck!" Jasper squirms.

I bite his ass and tell him to calm the fuck down; I need silence for this fuckery. "If
you ever tell anyone about this, I will kill you." I warn, preparing myself for the task
at hand.

Jasper whimpers.

Closed eyes are better than open in a situation like this; Jasper doesn't smell funny
he smells like skin, it's just the idea of licking his actual ass. It is weird and I'm
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fucking stupid for even doing this.

I'm determined, though, and there is no going back. With closed eyes, the thought
of Jasper's spread butt checks and my stubborn 'will not be the loose one', I go in,
head first.

Licking an asshole is kind of like licking the head of a battery. It shocks the fuck
out of your tongue, but you can't help but go back for more.

It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and Jasper seems to like it. So I lick
a little more, get it nice and wet and stand back up on my feet.

"Jasper, spit on my dick." I hold it out for him, spitting on his when he turns
around.

"Ugh, gross." He makes a face a lot like my butt licking one.

"Just do it. I used up all of mine on your ass." My dick is waiting.

He spits, and it's fucking gross but it works.

I push Jasper back against the wall, he spreads his legs all on his own, and I press
the tip of my dick at his entrance. It isn't as easy as it is when lube is involved, but
eventually I slide all the way inside. Jasper gasps out loud, taking in sharp breathes.

I ask him if he's okay, my own vision closing in on only Jasper. His scent assaults
me, his skin burns and his ass feels so fucking good around my dick.

"I'm fine," he promises, pushing himself onto me.

I take the hint and slowly pull out before slowly pushing back in. I hug his back to
my chest, running my nose along his neck. I was so pissed when Peter told me Alice
was going to be at their house tonight. I was angry like I used to be when Bella
would purposely make me jealous I felt territorial and protective. Having Alice
show up at my house made me that much more angry.

Then he kissed her.

I know it didn't mean anything; it was awkward and distant. I was more upset with
myself. Why the fuck do I care if he kisses his girl?

That's what she is, his girl.

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 This arrangement is bullshit; it's wrong, and we've been so stupid, but I can't help
how I feel - and I do feel. I feel something.

"Anyone can drive into the driveway ... they would see me fucking you, Jasper." I
kiss the corner of his mouth, thrusting into him powerfully. "Alice would see me
fucking you, J."

He doesn't say anything, and I laugh out loud. Jasper reaches back to hit me, he is
telling me to shut the fuck up. I try to dodge the hit and hump him at the same time,
but I fall onto my back into the mud and leaves.

Jasper lands on my lap; I'm deep inside of him.

"Damn it, Edward!" he yells, trying to get up.

I keep him down, my head arching back, whispering curse words and using my
hands to push him back and forth. Jasper eventually takes a hint and moves himself.
This is an entire new level of fucked up, but it feels incredible.

He rides me for a while; when I feel like I'm about to cum, I roll over and take
Jasper from behind. He lies on his stomach, face in the mud. My feet dig into the soft
soil as I stroke fully into my friend. I find his hands, placing my hand over his. Our
fingers melt into the dirt and decaying leaves. I kiss the side of his face as I begin to
empty myself inside of him.

The forest is silent with the exception of our moaning. As my cum fills him, my
dick slips in and out more smoothly. My head spins; I kiss and bite and fuck until the
rush passes, and I'm left breathless and muddy.

I pull out and roll Jasper over to his back, his entire shirt is muddy his dick has
a leaf stuck to it. "Did you cum?" I ask, pulling the leaf away.

He shakes his head, grabbing a hold of his cock.

I pull that away too, replacing his hand with my mouth. It doesn't take long, a few
good sucks and Jasper is squirting cum into the back of my throat. I'm not really
down for the taste, so when he's done I spit it out and fall to his side.

I'm dirty, shirtless, and out of breath.

"Why were you chopping wood again?" Jasper laughs, pulling up his jeans.

- 136 -
 Pulling up my own pants, I shrug. "I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the
time."

"Yeah, it was weird." Jasper looks over at me, our hands set above the mud, side
by side. "But fuck me if it wasn't the sexiest thing I have ever seen. You're such a
pussy."

"Pussy? Fuck you, wood chopping is a man's work, bro." I defend my wood
chopping skills.

"Nah, you should just stick to cock sucking." Jasper laughs out, rushing to his feet
and running away before I have a chance to get him.

He is so fucking dead.

- 137 -
 Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Edward

We are covered in mud and running through the woods.

This is borderline gay.

Jasper is laughing, looking over his shoulder as he dodges trees and jumps over
rocks. We're still on my parents land and the house is within view. Jasper and I used
to build jumps and ride our bikes in these trees when we were younger. Back when
Jasper had fucked up teeth and my mom used to roll me in bubble wrap before she
would let me play outside. This was not always the stomping grounds for rim-jobs in
the dark and fucking in mud pies.

How things have fucking changed.

"Edward, dude, stop," Jasper yells over his shoulder, laughing uncontrollably while
he runs from me. "I'm quicker than you, bro, you'll never catch me."

He may be faster, but I can tackle like a motherfucker. "Keep running!" I yell back.

The burn in my lungs and the ache in my side feels good. The cold clean air is
making me light headed, and I'm freezing because I'm shirtless but this is stress
relieving. Maybe it's because I just got my knocks off, but this running around and
laughing is liberating. I feel like a fucking kid without worries.

"Hey, Edward!" Jasper calls out, leaping on top of a fallen down tree. He places his
palms on the back of his head, trying to catch a breath.

"What?" I speed up my pace, shortening the distance between us.

Jasper waits until I am closer before saying anything; he turns and positions
himself to run off the decaying tree. I dig my feet into the wet ground, preparing for

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the tackle.

"You run like a fucking hooha, pussy!" Jasper says, but it's in slow motion. Like in
the movies when you come upon a pivotal part in the plot or some over dramatic
action scene.

I watch as Jasper bends at the knees and pounces off of the log, it is at the very
same time that I jump into the air, aimed towards his legs. I cut through the air;
Jasper descends towards the ground. He looks over his shoulder and his eyes widen
in realization this motherfucker doubted my mad tackling skills.

Everything is still in slow motion up until the point where my shoulder makes
contact with the back of his knees and my arms wrap around his calves. Then we fall
to the ground at a very alarming pace.

I really should have thought about this more thoroughly before I acted; falling to
the ground hurts like a son of a bitch.

Jasper and I hit the dirt ground in a tangle of limbs and curse words. Actually, I'm
the only one cussing because when Jasper's body finally makes contact with the
earth, his head slams against a tree hard.

I don't notice at first that Jasper was saying anything. The wind is knocked from
my body and I took a foot to the chin on the way down. I bit my tongue and now it's
bleeding, and I'm pretty fucking sure I sprained my wrist.

After the initial blow from hitting the ground passes, I am able to take a breath
and sit up. I have twigs and other shit in my hair. I'm caked in mud and my wrist
burns badly. But none of that fucking matters when I see that Jasper is knocked the
fuck out and bleeding from his head.

"Jazz?" I shake his foot. He's breathing; I can see his chest moving up and down
but he isn't moving.

He hit the ground like a fucking pansy too. Who slaps there forehead on a tree
anyways? I forgot he has the head of a five-year-old princess; Jasper has been
knocked out more times than I care to remember. You could hit this pussy in the
head too hard with a pillow and he'll blackout.

The blood is a little frightening though.

"Jasper, wake up." I slap his face and laugh when his eyes start to flutter. "You
- 139 -
little bitch; you got fucking knocked out again."

"Fuck you," he groans, unable to fully open his eyes.

I stand up, looking down at my friend. He fell like a fucking chick; his legs spread
open and he is lying on top of his left arm with his right arm laid delicately above his
head. I'm tempted to cock slap him for this fuckery, but don't have a chance when I
hear my mother screaming bloody murder for the house.

"Oh my God! What happened?" I look up and my Mom is running towards Jasper
and me at a full sprint with the entire family behind her.

"Jokes on you, motherfucker," Jasper mumbles; closing his eyes and pretending to
be knocked out still.

"You stupid fucker, don't leave me in the trenches!" I beg, just as our family
reaches us.

My Mom drops to her knees at Jasper's side, and I'm convinced my dad is about to
start CPR.

"He's fine," I groan, running my hand through my hair.

Jasper opens an eye and winks before he starts to moan from made-up pain. "It
hurts," he whispers. "I think I'm dying."

My mother gasps, asking me to call an ambulance, but I refuse to do such a thing.

Emmett and Peter are at my side and they call Jasper a pussy. After my dad has
checked Jasper for a broken neck and any sign of spinal injuries, they get him to sit
up.

"Jasper, how may fingers am I holding up?" my mom asks in all seriousness,
holding up three fingers.

"Six?" he answers, coughing.

Coughing?

I throw my hands into the air and walk away. My mom calls me back. "Were you
guys jumped?"

I just shake my head and search my pockets for my cigarettes. "No, Ma, we were
- 140 -
not jumped. Jasper is just a fucking"

"Do not say it, Edward Cullen," my mother scolds me.

"Pussy," Emmett coughs to cover his use of bad language.

"Emmett! What has gotten into you boys? And where is your shirt, Edward?" Mom
and Dad start carrying Jasper towards the house; he flips me off as they pass where
I stand.

"Yeah, Edward, where is your shirt?" Rosalie says out of nowhere.

I light my cigarette, taking a deep hit. "I was chopping wood," I say, exhaling
smoke into the air.

She lifts an eyebrow and starts to laugh. "Well, that's one way of describing it."

"Wait? Why were you chopping wood?" Peter asks, taking the cigarette from my
hand.

I grab it back, and shrug my shoulders. "I don't know; do I have to have a reason?
I felt like chopping some fucking wood."

Rosalie snorts.

"Whatever, you're fucking weird." Emmett laughs, taking my cigarette. He takes a

hit and hands it back, but I don't want it anymore. "Go get changed, we're going
swimming."

"Sounds good to me," I say as I turn and walk towards the house.

My Mom and Dad are in the kitchen, talking about the rising rate of violence in
Forks. They're wondering if they should move, if it's safe here anymore. I try to
explain to them, as I grab a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer, that gang
members did not jump us.

They don't believe me.

Jasper is up in my room, watching TV with gauze around his head and a Tootsie
Pop in his mouth. I sit beside him, holding the frozen peas on my wrist.

"You're a fag," I say, leaning back into my pillow.

- 141 -
 "Don't fuck with me." He laughs, offering me a lick of his candy.

"Yeah, I'll pass," I mumble, he shrugs and sticks it back into his mouth.

I should replace that sucker with my cock for that bullshit he just pulled. My
parents are downstairs paranoid and contemplating moving out of the country, and
he's sitting up here chewing on a sucker watching Dancing with the Stars.

I swear he is half gay.

"What the fuck is up with Rosalie?" I ask, referring to her weird behavior outside.

"Nothing, she knows, but she's cool with it."

My heart drops into my stomach, and I fight the urge to punch him in the grill.
"What do you means she knows?"

"It was her outside the door after graduation." He looks at me with a smile on his
lips and dried blood on his eyebrow. "She won't say anything. Don't worry."

"Don't worry?" I say to myself, staring at the TV. Emmett ex-girlfriend knows that
I'm sleeping with Jasper and I'm not supposed to worry?

Sleeping with Jasper? That sounds so final.

"Want to go swimming?" I ask, getting out of bed and walking towards the shower.
I still have mud all over my back and chest, and I licked Jasper's ass I need soap
and water badly.

"Sure," he answers, picking up his cell.

"Who are you calling?"

His eyes meet mine; Jasper smirks and puts the phone up to his ear. "I'm voting"
he points towards the TV, " for Dancing with the Stars."

I slam the door closed. Like I said fucking half fag.

I scrub myself clean and brush the fuck out of my tongue with my toothbrush
before I get out of the shower. Jasper gets in after me, and once we've both put on a
pair of board shorts, we meet my brother downstairs.

- 142 -
 Jasper removed the gauze from around his head and he has a decent sized gash
above his eyebrow. I try not to look. I mean, it's a cut and it's cool as fuck, but I'm
trying not to look at him because he looks fucking good.

I've seen him in his board shorts many times during our friendship, but this is
different. My eyes automatically find themselves aimed at his junk, or studying the
'V' that leads down into his shorts. Jasper borrowed a pair of my camouflage board
shorts; they hang low on his hips and show just a peek of his ass crack.

It's disturbing, and I can't stop looking.

He is standing in front of the TV; Jasper smells like soap and Almond Cherry. His
hair is wet but it still stands up in it's fucked up fauxhawk. His arms are crossed
over his chest and he is laughing at whatever it is he is watching. Did I mention that
his gash is bad-ass?

I clear my throat and shake my head clear of thoughts about Jasper's cut and ass
crack. "Are you ready?"

His eyes meet mine, and then his eyes fall and stare straight at my dick. It's like
he's in a fucking trance. I'm not even sure if he's aware that his eyes are dead
locked on my peen.

It gets me excited, but it also makes me angry. We can't even go swimming

without these weird feelings popping up and making things uncomfortable. To make
things worse, we're not wearing any socks.

"Jazz, my eyes are up here." I put my hands in front of my cock.

His eyebrows scrunch and his face twists into one of confusion. Jasper rubs his
face with the palms of his hands. "Yeah, let's go."

I follow him downstairs, doing my best not to notice how broad his shoulders are.
There is a lot of commotion inside of the kitchen; I hear a few different voices but
recognize Alice's high pitch right away. Jasper looks over his shoulder, but I try to
act unaffected.

My parents are in the living room and stand up when we reach the bottom of the
stairs. Dad asks him a series of questions while shinning a light in his eyes. Jasper
plays it up, and Mom quizzes Jazz for descriptions of the gang members that jumped
us in the woods behind my house.

- 143 -
 It's too fuckin' much, and I need a drink.

"It's about fucking time!" Emmett greets me with a Red Bull and vodka. "I was
starting to wonder what the fuck it is you and Jasper were doing up there."

I pound most of my drink in one gulp. "I needed a shower," I tell him, poring
myself another.

"Sounds sexy," Rosalie whispers and winks.

My cheeks redden, but she just laughs. No one else caught onto what she was
saying but it still puts me on edge. Alice is sitting with Peter and Tanya at the
kitchen table; she is wearing a little purple bikini. I want to tell her to get the fuck
out, but I can't. It would be too suspicious and it would be totally lame on my part.

It's not like I'm fucking jealous or anything.

"What's up, Edward?" Alice catches me looking at her.

I act nonchalant; as if nothing is different, when in fact I don't even know myself
anymore. "Nothing, what's up with you?"

Alice stands up, pushes in her chair and walks over to me. Alice has huge tits.
Huge fake tits and her bikini top doesn't leave much to the imagination. The twitch
in my dick as I stare at them is pleasantly relieving. I'm not into Alice, she is Jasper's
chick, but I'd fuck her titties.

"Lauren is coming over; I figured you didn't want to be left out or anything." Alice
giggles, taking a sip of her beer.

I look around and notice that everyone is coupled up: Peter and Tanya, Rosalie and
Emmett, and Jasper and Alice. Two weeks ago, this shit would never have happened.
Even though Bella and I broke up, I've never had a problem getting girls to pay
attention to me. There is something wrong with me.

I try to act appreciative towards Alice for calling Lauren over. My dick hasn't
slipped inside of a vagina for over two weeks now, and the thought is nice but I'm
not really interested.

"Anyways, she should be here soon." Alice shrugs, her face lighting up. "Oh, hey,
Jazz."

- 144 -
 Jasper comes up behind me. "What's up, Alice?" He lays on the charm, but he
fucking hovers. He massages my shoulders and subtly rubs his dick against my ass
before stepping beside me to make himself a drink. "What are you guys talking
about?"

Alice steps bedside Jasper, he throws his arms over her shoulders and whispers
something into her ear. She laughs, before telling him that she called Lauren over.
Jasper goes ridged and drops his arm from Alice's shoulder.

"Planning on getting your dick wet, Edward?" Jasper tries to play it like he doesn't
give a fuck. Alice laughs it up some more, but I can plainly see the tension in
Jasper's body.

"Maybe," I answer and walk away.

After a few more drinks we end up by the pool; the temperature outside is cold but
the pool is heated, sending steam rising above the water. My brother turns on some
music, turns on the lights in the pool and jumps in with Rosalie on his back. Peter
and Tanya go in next, but Jasper hangs around me in the lounge chairs.

He keeps looking at me from the corner of his eyes. Alice sits on his lap; she kisses
his face and plays with his new shorter hair. It is annoying, but the more I drink the
easier I find it to ignore.

When Lauren shows up, I'm torn. She looks sexy as fuck; blonde hair up in a messy
bun, long toned legs, and her perky tits sitting nicely in a black bikini. She and Alice
squeal at each other for about five minutes before they are both on us; it's
suffocating. Lauren keeps trying to kiss me, but I dodge her advances by turning my
head or taking a drink as soon as her lips pucker.

She's a nice enough girl. A little on the slutty side, but I would have fucked her.

I'm so fucking stupid.

I'm still a man, and she is still a chick who currently has her jugs in my face.
Lauren thinks she's being cute by straddling my lap and drinking from my cup. Alice
encourages her, but the vibes coming from Jasper are enough to make me
nauseated. He sits beside me with a face of indifference, but the veins in his neck
are protruding and he's squeezing his red cup pretty fucking tightly.

When my dick starts to get hard, I convince myself it is because Lauren is rubbing
her honey pot all over it, not because Jasper's apparent jealously is a turn on.
- 145 -
 If I keep telling myself that, maybe I'll start to believe it.

"I need a drink," I announce, pushing Lauren off my lap and adjusting my semi
before standing up.

"Me too," Jasper says, following behind me.

I push open the sliding glass door, not bothering to wait and see if Jasper is
coming in too. When I hear the door slide closed, I look over my shoulder and see he
is right there and he looks pissed.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I spit, grabbing the bottle of vodka and filling my
cup.

The rest of the house is dark. My parents went to bed and only left the light above
the oven on for us. The music from the pool echoes throughout the kitchen, but
Jasper's breathing louder and it sends a chill down my arms.

"I thought we agreed we weren't going to fuck anyone else?" Jasper says in a
harsh tone.

I laugh, opening up a new Red Bull and splashing some in my vodka. "Who said I
was fucking anyone? I didn't invite her, your girlfriend did."

I'm not paying attention to where Jasper stands until I feel him behind me. He
pushes me up against the counter, his lips on the back of my neck.

That little twitch I felt in my dick earlier, flips into a full on fucking somersault.

Jasper doesn't touch me, but his lips move their way down my shoulder. I hump
the kitchen counter for some fucking friction, groaning when Jasper's teeth lock
onto my ear lobe.

Then he walks away.

"Fucking dick," I mumble, taking a very long and hard swig from my cup.

"Not yet," Jasper says, leaving back out the sliding glass door to the pool.

I stand in the dark kitchen for a while; I take a few shots and wait for my dick to
soften. When I'm satisfied enough, I go back outside. Lauren is waiting for me in my
lounge chair. Jasper and Alice are still wrapped up in each other I've had enough
- 146 -
of this game. I'm liquored up and feeling brave, and after setting my cup down I run
over to Lauren, pick her up bridal style and jump into the pool.

Lauren screams through the air and clutches onto me when we're under water.
She tries to kiss me again but I turn my head and her lips land on my cheek. When
we get above the surface, she latches her legs around my waist and her arms circle
my neck. I swim us in circles around the pool; she keeps trying to kiss me and it is
starting to become annoying for both of us. She scoffs, and puts more effort into
putting her chest in my face but I'm not into it not really.

Lauren sighs with frustration, taking my face in her hands. There is nothing I can
do, she's going to kiss me and I can't play it off. It's not like I have a reason not to
kiss her, not one I can tell her about anyways. Jasper kissed Alice earlier because he
didn't have a choice, this is the same situation I don't have a choice.

I close my eyes and wait for it; Lauren's lips briefly touch mine before I hear Alice
start to scream. Alice's shriek gives me just enough time to look up and see both her
and Jasper jump into the air. I don't even have time to move before they land right
top of me and Lauren.

We all sink to the bottom of the pool in a mess of legs and arms. I can't see much,
air bubbles and shadows. I can't tell who is who, but I know it's Jasper as soon as a
pair of lips come crashing down on to mine. We're floating to the water surface
quickly, with just enough time for him to slip me the tongue before we hit air.

Jasper and I swim away from each other, finding the girls. Lauren is crying;
something about getting kicked in the stomach. I try to get her to calm down but my
own adrenaline is pumping, and I'm not much help.

"You're such an asshole!" Lauren screams towards Jasper.

Everyone starts to laugh at her, Rosalie and Tanya included. After a while, I start
to think Lauren is doing it for my attention. She's pouting because Tanya and Rose
are laughing. She swears that her stomach hurts too badly to swim anymore, and
suggests we just go up to my room.

"I can't; my brother is leaving tomorrow morning," I say, using Emmett as an

excuse. "I want to spend some time with him, but if you want to go home I'll
understand."

Lauren looks at me with disbelief, and then she starts to cry and walks over to
Alice. I sit on the edge of the pool with my feet in the water while Alice and Lauren
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give me dirty looks. Jasper eventually comes and sits beside me, telling me that
Lauren is freaking out and is probably going to leave.

"I told you I wasn't going to fuck her." I laugh into my red cup, taking another
drink.

"You almost kissed her," he accuses with amusement.

"Yeah, until you fucking cannon balled onto my head."

We sit there for another five minutes before Alice comes over and tells us that she
has to leave. She offers to come back, but Jasper uses his brother for the same
excuse.

"Sorry, baby, but I should probably hang with Peter tonight. I don't know how long
it will be before I see him again." Jasper rubs his fingers up and down Alice's arms.
She drinks in his every word and eventually gives in and leaves.

"Fuck, finally," Jasper says, sitting down beside me. "I was about to stick my dick
in her mouth just to get her to shut the fuck up."

I raise an eyebrow, not believing him for a fucking second.

"Kidding," he mumbles with a small smile.

Jasper and I spend the next few hours chopping it up with our brothers and their
chicks. We drink and we laugh. Peter and Tanya practically hump in front of all of
us, but it is good times. My brother is annoying, and he has a tendency of getting on
my last fucking nerve, but I'm going to miss him. After I leave for college, he will live
on one side of the country and me on the other.

"Need a refill, bro?" Emmett asks, following Peter and Tanya into the house.

I pound what is left of my drink and hand my cup over. After the three of them are
inside of the house, Rosalie swims over to where Jasper and I are still sitting.

"So, you guys are together or what?" she asks, pulling herself out of the pool to sit
beside me.

I laugh. "No, we're not together."

Jasper looks at me with a funny smirk. He shakes his head and agrees with me.
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Rosalie rings her hair dry, rolling her eyes at us.

"I heard you guys, you were definitely together." She uses her fingers to highlight
together. "Don't worry. I already told you I wouldn't say anything."

"We're not together, Rose," I press.

Rose shoves me with her shoulder, kicking her feet next to mine. "You guys are in
love, it's written all over your fucking faces."

Jasper and I both cough, and stumble on words.

"I think it's sexy. You guys are hot and just the thought of you kissing it makes
my girl parts feel funny."

"I'm not in love with him." I point towards Jasper.

"No fucking way," Jasper agrees.

I'm a little offended by his tone. Fucking asshole, I'm not good enough to love?

"Maybe not, but it's still sexy. You guys should kiss, like right now." Rosalie's smile
tells me she's joking, but I don't doubt she would enjoy the show if we did. "Fine,
don't kiss it's a shame, would have been great to remember the next time I touch
myself." Rose pats my shoulder, gets up, and walks away.

"Dude, she is a freak. Why did your brother break up with her again?" Jasper
laughs, scooting closer to me.

"He moved to Massachusetts, she lives in Seattle."

Jasper snorts. "Fuck that, she's wifey material."

We sit in silence for a while, moving our feet back and forth in the pool water.
Peter and Tanya never come back out of the house but my brother and Rosalie do.
They swim around the pool together, whispering to each other in hushed tones. I
feel like I'm interfering on their moment, but there is no fucking way I'm getting up
yet.

"How's your head?" I ask Jasper, trying to start a conversation.

He touches his cut, and winces. "It's good." He shrugs. "Your parents are insane;
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they're convinced I was jumped and left for dead."

I roll my eyes and smirk. "Did you think they would react differently? You knew
what you were doing when you started that shit with them."

Jasper nudges me with his elbow, catching my eyes when I look up at him. A bolt
of lust shoots down my spine. My dick is twitching again, and it's because how
fucking perfect Jasper's stupid smile is I can't deny it this time.

I look away first, alcohol beginning to give me the spins. My heartbeat is erratic
and my hands are trembling. I drink what's left of my drink and toss my cup; I've
had enough for tonight. I try to avoid his eyes, but I can feel them piercing through
me and it's damn near impossible not to look.

I give up. "What?" I ask with more frustration then I intended.

Jasper shakes his head clear and stumbles on his words. "Nothing, I don't know."
He drinks what's left of his beer and tosses the can over by my red cup before
standing to his feet. Jasper pats my head and walks away. "I'm going to bed. I'm
fucking wasted."

I stay by the pool for another five minutes; my brother and Rosalie are making out
and it's only a matter of time before they start having sex right in front of me. I'm
not sure they even know I'm out here still. So, I get up and dust my shorts off. "Hey
Em, I'm going to bed, bro."

Emmett lifts his head from Rosalie's chest. "Yeah, I'll wake you up before I leave
tomorrow, Edward."

He unties Rosalie's bikini top and throws it towards the edge of the pool. I make
my quick escape back towards the house before I see something I don't want to, like
my brother's ass.

The house is still dark; the oven light left on illuminating the kitchen with a faint
orange glow. I step though the house, doing my best not to make any noise. The
clock on the stove tells me its half past three in the morning. My stomach is
growling and my stomach is starting to turn. I grab a bottle of water out of the
refrigerator and eat a Jell-O cup before heading upstairs.

The closer I get towards my bedroom the more nervous I become. There was
definitely a fucking moment with Jasper out by the pool.

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 A fucking moment!

It was a textbook, looking deeply into each other eyes with longing, The Notebook
style moment, and it was weird as shit.

Jasper and I keep falling deeper and deeper into this bullshit we're pulling, and it
is unacceptable. I shouldn't be looking into his eyes, not like that anyways. I should
be face to face with Lauren's vagina right about now, not heading up to bed to sleep
beside Jasper.

When I reach the hallway that leads towards my room, my bedroom door is
cracked open and the light is still on. I take a deep breath, take a long swig from my
water bottle and stumble my way down towards my room.

Jasper is sitting on the edge of my bed; he is looking down at his feet and pulling
at the ends of his hair.

And he has socks on for some fucking reason.

Oh yeah, socks are less gay.

"What's up?" I mumble, walking towards my dresser for my own pair of socks.

"Nothing, shut up," Jasper snaps, angry for some reason.

Probably because of the moment by the pool.

I slip my socks on one at a time, ignoring Jasper and his bad attitude. "Whatever,
I'm taking a shower."

He laughs vindictively. "You put socks on to take a shower?"

I step inside of my bathroom and flip the light on. "Mind your own fucking
business, Jasper." I slam the door and drop my board shorts to the ground, groaning
when I see that my dick is hard.

I stare at my dick in the bathroom mirror for a while. My dick is a mother-fucking

traitor. How dare he get hard over a boy, over Jasper. It hasn't been inside of a lot of
different pussy, but my cock has been dipped in a lot of pussy. Why in the fuck
would he betray me like this? "Stupid cock," I grumble, trying to press my erection
down.

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 It only gets harder.

"Edward, hurry the fuck up. I want to take a shower too," Jasper yells from inside
of the bedroom.

My traitor dick bounces to the sound of his voice.

I ignore Jasper and continue to stare at my junk. A good ten minutes had to have
passed, but I can't find it in myself to stop looking. I think about dead puppies and
my parents having sex, but nothing causes my dick to soften. Nothing and it is all
because of a boy.

The fact that I'm highly intoxicated doesn't help either.

The bathroom door opens. "Dude, what the hell are you" Jasper begins, but stops
when he sees me looking at my erection in the mirror. "Oh, sorry, bro."

Jasper kind if stands fidgety in the doorway. He looks down at the ground but his
eyes always come back to my cock.

My dick head is leaking cum, Jasper's close proximity and his smell sets it off. It is
throbbing and twitching. My balls are beginning to tighten up and my heart is
beating itself out of my chest.

"Fuck it," Jasper whispers before slamming me into the wall.

His hand grips around the base of my cock, his mouth is on mine and it's messy as
fuck. The ever-present anger is in his kiss, but this time it is mixed with a little bit of
surrender.

It is what it fucking is.

Jasper pumps my dick hard and strong. He kisses my lips and bites on my tongue.
His bare chest pressed against mine; his free hand is set beside my head flat against
the wall.

He releases my mouth, and my head hits the wall with a thump. Jasper kisses
down my neck and along my shoulder before finally dropping to his knees and taking
me into his mouth. My knees give some, but I manage to keep myself up.

My hands find themselves tangled in his hair, and I watch in the mirror as Jasper
sucks me off. His head bobs back and forth, the muscles in his back flex with each
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thrust of his mouth. It is sexy - it is dead fucking sexy, and it throws me straight into
an orgasm.

My eyes squeeze shut; Jasper sucks on my dick head and works my shaft with is
hand until it is over and he's swallowed everything I had to give. Before he gets up
off the floor, he bites the tip of my dick and laughs when I wince from the pain.

While I regain my composure, Jasper turns on the shower and strips. He climbs in
without saying a word to me. I get in behind him anyways.

I stand on one side of the shower, and him on the other with his back facing me.

We both have our socks on still.

"I'm not washing your hair or anything," I mention, grabbing the bottle of shampoo
and squeezing some into my hand for my own hair.

"I don't need you to wash my hair, Edward." Jasper laughs.

The tension is thick, but not a word is said as we wash ourselves clean from the
pool. I watch as shampoo suds slide down Jasper's back, eventually falling between
his ass cheeks and down his legs. We take turns under the water, never directly
looking at each other. And when we're clean, Jasper turns his back towards me and I
stare at his back.

The bathroom is filled with steam. I'm still drunk but the nut and the warm water
sobers me up some. This time, I say fuck it.

I step behind Jasper, and kiss the back of his shoulder. Reaching around, I grip
onto his monster cock and pump him a few times. He moans, dropping his head back
onto my shoulder. I kiss the side of his face, grabbing onto his hair with my free
hand.

I watch Jasper's face as I touch him. He scrunches his eyebrows and his cheeks
redden. I like the way his lips separate when he gasps for a breath, and when he
opens his eyes to look at me, I cover his lips with mine.

I start to get hard again, but I ignore it and continue to give Jasper my undivided
attention. I slide my hand up and down his cock, twisting it at the head. Jasper
begins to move his hips and starts to fuck my fist. Curse words and the lord's name
in vain leave his lips in the form of whispers and slurs.

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 "Does that feel good?" I ask, whispering into his ear.

Jasper falls forward, moving away from me. His hands are flat on the shower wall;
I lean over him and press my chest against his arched back my hand never
skipping a beat.

His chest begins to heave and his eyes open and shut. He tells me he's close, so I
move my hand a little faster. When he starts to say my name, I bite the top of his
shoulder and his dick starts to spray cum onto the shower floor.

I pull Jasper's head back by his hair and place my mouth next to his ear. "Say it," I
whisper. "Say it out loud."

He does. He says my name out loud.

A little too loud.

"Shhhh, not that loud, someone might hear you," I warn, continuing to rub him
out.

"Just shut the fuck up, Edward," Jasper moans, before completely shuddering in
my arms and falling limp.

I hold him up, kissing his face and laughing against his skin. It doesn't take long
for him to pull himself together, and when he does we both start to laugh. I let go of
his dick and wash my hand clean under the water.

"Ugh, I got cum on my socks." Jasper laughs.

I turn the water off, and we both get out of the shower. We dry off a little but don't
really bother much. Jasper slaps my ass as I walk out of the bathroom and towards
the bed. We're still really drunk, and on some kind of high from cumming because
we get straight into bed and under the covers wet socks included.

He falls asleep before I do, but I'm out not long after.

I wake up a few hours later and my feet are freezing. I look over at Jasper, he is
sleeping above the blankets; spread out and barefoot.

He took his socks off.

I lie in bed, contemplating my next move. And for the second time today, I say
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'fuck it' and take my socks off too. It's really fucking gay, but I'll worry about that
shit when we wake up.

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 Chapter 9

I do not own Twilight: I only make it badass. Characters belong to S.

Meyer, which is a complete shame. Setting, plot, characteristics and history
are mine. Please do not use without my permission.

McFearless is fictional; if you are easily offended by Rosalie, Jesus or gays in the
Army then this story is not for you. Please remember, this is only a story and any
resemblance to true life is coincidence only.

If this update is later than usual, don't blame me, blame Angry Birds.

Religion and Politics; two sensitive subjects that always seem to get a rise out of a
person. I deal with them both in this chapter. My intentions are not to offend or
make fun of, but I'm giving you a heads up. This chapter isn't exactly typical, the
language is raw and the content may just piss a few of you off.

Jaime is my beta and I love her dearly. Unfie is my second beta, and she
owns a spa. Filia, who is not my beta, gets credit even though she's done
nothing since chopping wood. Did I mention she only eats fish and chicken?
Did I mention she likes priests and prison?

Don't freak out about the POV, it changes quickly.

On with the next one.

McFearless

Chapter 8

Rosalie.

'Dear God, I would like to take this time to thank you for making gay boys out of
Edward Cullen and Jasper Whitlock. I've asked you many times to prove that you
exist and that miracles are real, and you have finally delivered. I am now a firm
believer in your holiness. I would also like to take the time to give thanks for the

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color pink, bing cherries and the movie Bambie; my life would not be complete
without those goodies.

If it's not too much to ask, please allow Johnny Depp to live forever, he is too
beautiful to ever die.

And one last thing God, I promise to be a better person if Edward and Jasper are
naked when I walk into their room. Amen.'

I open my eyes and take a nice long look at my praying hands. I feel the Lord's
presence, he wouldn't be so cruel; there is boy love going on under this roof and it
would be unkind of the Lord if I wasn't allowed a peek.

Not that I would hold Our Father responsible if I didn't get to see. I already got to
hear Edward and Jasper bumpin' uglies, but I pray every night and I figured it was
ok to ask for a small favor.

I wasn't kidding when I told Jasper that they are dead sexy. From the moment I
figured out they were foolin' around, they're all I am able to think of. Even when
Emmett was having his way with me in the pool tonight, I closed my eyes and day
dreamed about two peens and an extra dose of testosterone.

The things I would do to be in the center of their two-cock sandwich.

They're not very good about hiding their affection for the one another; a set of
scandalous secrets and conflicted consciousness is always apparent in their body
language; they are distant but so fucking connected to each other. I first suspected
something was going on between them during their graduation party; Jasper had his
arm over Edward shoulders, and maybe the drunken assholes attending the bash
marked it off as an innocent friendly gesture, but I'm not so naive and I recognized
their affection right away.

It's in the way they were looking at each other; Jasper kept whispering into
Edward's ear and Edward was subtly leaned into Jasper's side. Their thighs were
touching, Jasper would rub his fingers along Edward neck the moment they
disappeared upstairs, I followed. Unfortunately, so did Tanya and few other girls
who were looking for the bathroom.

I'm not vindictive; I can be sneaky and I can keep a secret, especially one as good
as this. I didn't tell Tanya who was in Edward's bedroom with him that night. She
kept wiggling the door handle, whispering too loudly apparently Tanya was
supposed to get it on with Edward but Jasper spilled beer all over her before she
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made her move. She was upset about Edward being in the room with another 'girl.'
Her anger lasted an entire three seconds, she heard Peter was looking for her and
she got over it.

When I finally got rid of Tanya and had a chance to listen in on Edward and
Jasper's sweet sweet loving, Emmett showed up and started banging on the door.

It was obvious that I wasn't going to be allowed opportunity to press my ear

against Edward's bedroom door with all of these people in the house. I wanted to
listen to Jasper and Edward hump, but I didn't want them to get caught. I convinced
Emmett to take me downstairs to pour me a shot, leaving my boys some peace.

They next day I told Jasper, I know.

I think he thought that his brother and Emmett knew, but they are too stupid and
too self-centered to ever realize that their little brothers are smoking each other's
pipes. But now that Jasper knows that I know, and Edward knows that I know, I can
tease them until they touch each others rods in front of me.

And now that Emmett has been thoroughly sex'd, he's sleeping soundly and I can
sneak in on Edward and Jasper.

I get up from the side of the bed where I was saying my bedtime prayers; I kiss
Emmett on the forehead and pull the blankets over his massive body. I tip toe
towards Edward's bedroom, dim morning light shines through the window at the
end of the hallway. I try to keep my noise at the minimum, but its pretty hard not to
squeee when I reach my destination.

I carefully place my hand on the door handle and turn the knob, but it's locked. I'm
tempted to kick the motherfucker open, but doing that would wake the entire
household up and that would do nothing buy delay my mission.

Since Edward is a boy, he isn't very observant. "Stupid boy," I whisper to myself,
sliding the bedroom key off from the top of the door jam.

I kiss the key and stick it into its slot: if I still lived in Forks, I would steal this key
and make myself a copy.

When the door is unlocked, I quietly open the door and slide inside before shutting
it closed and locking it behind me. The room is dark, the TV is on and I can hear
them snoring. I place my forehead against the door, preparing myself for what is
hopefully all that I prayed for.
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 On the count of three, I'm going to turn around one, two three!

"There is a God," I whisper; staring, drooling. dying.

I place my hands in the prayer position, look up at the ceiling and mouth 'Thank
You' to our Lord and Savior. There is a God, and he delivers small miracles in naked
gay boy packages.

Jasper is on his side of the bed, naked. Edward is on the other side, naked, and
they are both above the covers.

This is more than I asked for; I knew donating that extra ten dollars at mass two
weeks ago would pay off in my favor. All the Lord asks of us is to spread his word
and do good deeds; in return, you receive a fair life.

This is more than fair; this is fuckawesome.

If I have my way, in about ten minutes, I will be the filling to their cookie and I will
not have a problem thanking Jesus out loud, but not too loud. I don't want Emmett to
find out about my morbid fantasy. I love him too much for all of that unnecessary
drama, but I love two peens and it's not my fault God delivered my karma in the
form of his little brother.

I'm sick, and I'm probably going to hell.

I slip my feet out of my pink fluffy slippers, lean onto Edward's bed with my knee
and wait a second before pressing my palms down onto the mattress. Climbing on
with my other knee, I'm on all fours at the foot of the bed. Jasper and Edward's bare
feet are near my hand, I'm down with toes I would be happy if they played footsie
in front of me.

I prefer mutual cock sucking or nipple licking, but I know not to push my luck.

As carefully as I can, I crawl up the center of the bed, giggling at Edward's hard
on and at Jasper, who absent-mindedly scratches his balls in his sleep.

Sweet baby Jesus, Jasper's wiener is huge!

I stare at it in amazement, hoping that Edward is the giver in their duo and not the
receiver because that would be painful. I'm not even sure his cock would fit in my
hoo-ha, it's that large. I bet Jasper's wang has its own Social Security card.

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 Safe between my boys, I cautiously lie down between the two of them and take in
their presence before I decide its time for these fags to wake the fuck up and put on
a show. Or at the very least, give me some toe action.

Edward.

"Edward, wake up."

I shake my head, refusing to open my eyes. "Go away," I mumble, rolling over onto
my stomach.

"Now why would you do that, I had a great view of your morning wood."

"Go away," I grumble again, pissed that he's fucking with me.

"Edward, wake up. I have to leave soon and we need to make this fast."

"Jasper! Fuck off!" I yell, picking up my head and coming face to face with,
Rosalie?

She's laughing, holding her hand over my mouth. "Don't be so loud, wouldn't want
to wake anyone up would we?"

I shake my head no, wondering if Rosalie is really in bed with me and Jasper or if
this shit is a dream. "What the fuck are you doing in my bed, Rosalie?" I ask, voice
muffled by her hand.

Her eyes move down my body, I realize I'm naked and jump out of bed, covering
my dick.

"Edward, do you believe in God?" she asks, turning herself towards Jasper and
running her hands through his hair.

I stand beside my bed, hand covered peen, still confused on what the hell is going
on.

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 "Yeah, sure." I shrug.

Rosalie whispers into Jasper's ear, he cuddles into her side and throws his arm
over her body.

"Me too," she says. "Do you pray, Edward? You now, ask for favors and forgiveness
and such."

"I don't know, Rosalie, get the fuck out of my bed before Emmett wakes up." '

"Wait! What?" Jasper lifts his head, looking right at Rosalie before he too jumps
out of bed and covers his junk with one hand, then two.

Two hands are not enough to cover his enormous cock; the head is kind of sticking
out and his balls are hanging low.

"I'm a firm believer that God does not make any mistakes. He makes people
different, and sometimes those differences make a person's life more difficult, but I
think it's all a part of the plan." Rosalie sits up, wiggling her purple painted toes and
patting the side of the bed where Jasper and I were just sleeping.

Jasper looks at me, I look at him and at the same time, we get back into bed under
the covers.

"What's your fucking point, Rose?" Jasper asks, yawning.

"My point is, dickface, that it's people who sometimes misconstrue the bible."

"Rose, get out," I answer, I'm not into her biblical speech about wrong doers at the
moment.

Besides, who the fuck is she to talk? She sleeps with my brother out of wedlock,
she drinks and smokes and she sure is fuck guilty of gluttony. I don't need a
lecture what the fuck is she even talking about?

"I'm serious; being gay doesn't make you bad people. You were born this way, God
makes no mistakes." Rosalie beams, proud of her self and I'm only now noticing that
she is wearing a 'What would Jesus do?' shirt.

Really?

"Rosalie, we're not gay."

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 "Whatever." She rolls her eyes. "All I'm saying is that if you're afraid you're going
to hell because you like to suck each others peens don't be. Love is the Lord's best
gift to us, and it holds no boundaries. Except for animals and shit like that, that's
just weird, but people are supposed to love people. Our father, Lord and savior does
not judge, so feel free to suck away right now, do it right now."

I hide my head under the pillow and Jasper laughs loudly, his echo ricocheting off
my bedroom walls. "You're fucking crazy, Rosalie!" He laughs, until he cries.

"You guys are holding onto every last inch of denial, aren't you? It's a shame,
you're great together."

"It's not like that," I defend pulling my head out from under the pillow.

"Denial is a motherfucker, just let it be and fuck right now."

'Rose, we're not fuckin' in front of you." Jasper snorts.

"So you admit to fucking? Who gives? I hope it's Edward, because I saw the size of
your cock, Jasper, and that's fucking ridiculous."

Jasper and I both stay quiet, looking up at the ceiling with this nosey girl between
us.

"Oh my Cherries! You guys switch don't you!" Rosalie falls to her back with her
hands between her legs; she squeezes her thighs together and giggles.

She makes me laugh.

"Will you guys just kiss, please?" She props herself up on her elbows, looking back
and forth between Jasper and me.

"If we do, will you leave us alone?" Jasper asks, tone low.

Rosalie nods, biting on her bottom lip.

"Let's just do it, Edward."

I close my eyes and pray for patience, my heart is beating hard inside of my chest.
I don't have a problem with kissing him, not anymore. We do much worse than kiss,
but in front of Rosalie? That makes it final. That means someone really knows, not
only suspects.
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 I sit up; Jasper pushes a stick of gum in my mouth. Rosalie whimpers, crossing her
thighs, her cute little foot is right beside my chest.

"Make it count boys," Rose whispers.

Jasper and I both lean over Rosalie, meeting in the middle. She sits up so that her
face is near ours. I can feel her breath on my cheek, the heat from her body against
my arm. I'm still a little bit drunk, and maybe that's why this feels a little bit fun?

Jasper licks his lips and kisses the corner of my mouth. I turn my head towards
him, capturing his bottom lips between mine.

"Sweet Mary and Joseph." Rosalie breathes against our faces as Jasper's tongue
glides along my bottom lip.

I open my mouth and our tongues meet, Rose whimpers and touches my hand. Her
touch calms and I deepen the kiss with Jasper. His fingers lace themselves into my
hair. Our tongues fight and slide, he presses himself towards me until our chests
touch.

Rosalie's thighs rub between us; Jasper kisses down my neck and along my jaw
line. My dick grows; I grab it and groan. Jasper's hand is still in my hair, the other
on the back of my neck. He's up on his knees, Rose backs away towards the head
board and I stroke my dick one or twice for friction.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Rosalie prays to God, thanking him for this.

For this!

Jasper moves closer, his cock touches my lower stomach and his mouth latches
back onto my own. I'm losing myself in this; pulling my nut out of my dick with my
hand, pulling the lust out of my chest with Jasper tongue. Chills run up my spine,
our teeth clash and our moans mix with my brother's girl's.

Rosalie's whimpers turn more sultry, more sexy deeper. Jasper and I break away
from our kiss, her head is leaned back and her eyes are closed.

"No fucking way," Jasper whispers, eyes glued onto Rose.

"Is she?" I ask, losing all interest in my own nut while I watch Rosalie have hers.

She isn't even toughing herself, her chest heaves up and down and her teeth are
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gripped onto her bottom lip, but her hands are clutched onto my bed sheets. Her
knees are pressed together and her face is flushed. I haven't seen a girl cum in two
weeks, and fuck, it's beautiful.

"Your brother is going to kill us." Jasper laughs nervously, our eyes never leaving a
withering Rosalie.

"Fuck," Roses hisses between clenches teeth, her chest arches up and then she
falls. She giggles, and opens her eyes.

No one says anything, Rosalie stays on her back and Jasper and I just look at her
in amazement. I'm going to have a long talk with my brother about marrying this
girl, she's fucking awesome.

"Rose!" Emmett yells from the hallway in passing.

Jasper and I both bolt from the bed in different directions, looking for clothes and
socks on my bedroom floor. Rosalie stays in bed, roiling onto her side and smiling.
"Hurry, your brother is coming Edward, hide your cock in Jasper's mouth."

I laugh, pulling a pair of pajama pants up my leg. Jasper has one sock on and a
shirt; this is every kind of fucking ridiculous. We're scattering to become decent,
Rose gets up from bed and tells us she's going to go cry and beg my brother never to
leave her before she has to get ready to head back to Seattle.

"I'll tell him I was in the bathroom, don't worry." She kisses my cheek, and pulls on
Jasper's ear before she quietly leaves the bedroom.

"Did that just happen?" Jasper asks, stepping into a pair of basketball shorts.

He has his socks back on, thank God.

"She's making me feel guilty," Emmett mumbles over his bowl of Fruit Loops.

Rosalie is making eggs with my mom, Peter and Jasper are eating cereal with me
and Emmett. Apparently, Rosalie cried and begged my brother never to leave her.
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 "Transfer." I shrug, filling my mouth with food.

"It's not that easy, dick." Emmett pushes his bowl away, and then he takes it back
when he realizes how hungry he is.

"You should marry her, and then get her pregnant right away. Rosalie is cool as
fuck," Jasper says while drinking the milk from his bowl.

"Oh, really? And just fuck off my life or what?" Emmett pierces Jasper's head with
his evil glare.

"I was kidding," Jasper mutters.

Rosalie is walking around the kitchen, slamming cabinets closed and throwing
plates into the sink. She winks at Jasper and me, but gives Emmett the stink eye. It's
hard not to laugh, my brother's misery does nothing for me but knowing she is doing
it on purpose is funny as fuck.

I help my brother take his bags out to the car. Jasper and Peter went back over to
their house; Rosalie is still laying it on thick. My mom is crying because Emmett is
leaving and my Dad is lecturing him about credit card bills and grades all while my
brother has puppy dog eyes for Rose.

"You're so fucked up," I tell Rosalie, loading my brother's duffle bag into the trunk
of the car.

She shrugs, moving her hair over her shoulder. "I don't care; I'm tired of him
playing me."

"He loves you."

She looks me right in the eyes. "I know he does, but sometimes people take
advantage."

Her words sting; I know she isn't only accusing Emmett of taking advantage but
me and Jasper, too.

"I love Emmett and he loves me, but we're not together." I shut the trunk of the
car, leaning against the passenger door beside Rosalie. She looks up at me and
continues to speak, "I know you're probably pretty confused, and who knows?
Maybe this is just some kind of phase you two are going through, but I was telling
the truth when I said God doesn't make mistakes."
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 "You honestly think that Jasper and I are supposed to live happily ever after? This
is our lives, together in this fucked up relationship. This is what I was born for?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe, but speaking from experience, living without
the person I love is pretty fucking miserable."

"I don't love him," I say the words but there isn't any conviction; they're empty.

"Sure you do, you've been friends since you were kids. You love him." Rosalie
stands on her tippy toes, her lips are right beside my ear. "You guys are so fucking
sexy together. Your bodies just work, quit taking advantage." She sticks something
in my hand, and when I look, it's a 'What would Jesus do?" bracelet.

My brother walks out of the front door, his arms are open and Rosalie goes right
to him. I look at the bracelet for a while before yelling, "I don't think Jesus would
fuck one of his disciples."

Rose looks over her shoulder and winks.

Emmett is whispering in Rosalie's ear, she nods and she cries. I feel like I'm
intruding so I go back inside of the house. Jasper walks through the back door as I
walk through the front, we both sit on the couch and he turns on the TV. We don't
speak; we sit next to each other and watch HBO.

I put the bracelet on my wrist and laugh to myself, she's fucking nutty.

Rosalie doesn't say goodbye again before she takes off, my brother wants to leave
right after she is gone. We share a hug, he tells me he loves me and to do well in
California. We have plans on seeing each other again during Thanksgiving.

Emmett, along with my parents, head towards Seattle and the airport. Jasper and I
watch TV most of the day; we eat and we sleep, but nothing of any importance is
spoken about. The day is light, it's lazy and easy. At around eight o'clock my phone
rings; it's Mike Newton and he wants Jasper and I to go to Port Angeles with him
and the other boys to see a show.

"Who's playing?" I ask, unsure if I'm willing to get up tonight.

"Face to Face, don't be a pussy and get dressed."

I ask Jasper if he wants to see the band, he nods and I agree. I take a shower, get
dressed and head into the kitchen while Jasper gets ready. My parents aren't home;
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I leave a note for them on the fridge. My acceptance letter to USC is still on the
refrigerator, it doesn't make me as happy as it used to.

"What are you looking at?" Jasper opens the freezer and grabs the bottle of vodka.
He follows my stare "Oh," he mumbles, drinking the liquid straight form the bottle.
"We have what, eleven days before we're out of here?"

"Something like that," I answer, leaning my back against the fridge.

"Sweet." Jasper rolls his eyes.

He takes a couple more swigs; it doesn't take long before his eyes are glossed
over. He's in a bad mood, throwing his keys at my chest and telling me I have to
drive. I catch them, shoving the car keys into my pocket. I'm about to leave the
kitchen when he pins me against the refrigerator.

The bottle of vodka is still in his hand, his other hand flat against the stainless
steal beside my head. He leans his forehead onto my shoulder, kicking the fridge
beside my legs. Jasper lifts his head, he looks at me in the eyes and it seems like he
wants to say something but he doesn't. Jasper only takes another drink from his
bottle, groans and kisses my lips.

He tastes like alcohol, it's sloppy and desperate. I place my hand on his shoulders
and push him back. Jasper hits my hand away and kisses me again, this time harder.
This time he bites my lips and makes me bleed.

I push him away again. "Calm the fuck down, you're drunk."

Jasper drops the bottle of vodka to the ground, and slams his hand against my
neck. His grip tightens around my throat, I close my eyes and wait for him to let go.

"You're fucking me up, Edward." Jasper growls against my cheek; spit flying from
his mouth onto my skin.

Jasper drops his hand and picks up the bottle of vodka. I gasp for air, my head
feels light and my throat burns. I set my eyes on Jasper, who is taking another swig
from the bottle, and I lunge right into him. We fall onto the ground and roll around
fighting until I get up onto my feet and threaten to break his fucking face if he
doesn't stop. He apologizes, swears he didn't mean to lash out on me. He grabs my
hand; I pull it away and walk into the living room.

Jasper is behind me, his lips are on my neck and his apologies are in my ear.
- 167 -
 It's like some fucked up version of normal.

"I'm sorry, let's just go," Jasper says. I walk past him but he pulls me back by my
arm. "Kiss me, kiss me, please," he begs.

This is too much; this is too intimate.

"Please," Jasper asks again, his lips brushing against mine.

I kiss him back, reluctantly. I'm distant; the kiss is stiff and doesn't have time to
loosen before the front door opens and my Mom walks in.

Jasper and I are quick to pull away, he sits on the couch and I stand in the center
of the living room waiting for her to say something about what she just saw. My
cheeks are warm and my ears are on fire. Jasper has the bottle of vodka tipped
upside down with the opening in his mouth.

"Jasper! Are you drinking?" Mom asks, dropping her purse onto the coffee table.

He nods, lips wet with vodka.

Dad walks in through the front door next, asking Mom what all of the ruckus is
about. Mom tells him that Jasper is drinking underage. Dad walks past me and grabs
the bottle away from Jasper.

They threaten to call his parents, and Jasper starts to cry. I don't know what the
hell is going on, but I don't think my mom saw anything and if she did, she isn't
mentioning it.

"Jasper, what's happening, Baby?" Mom asks, wiping his tears away while my
heart sinks into my stomach.

Hot tears run down his face, Jasper shakes his head and his chin quivers.
"Everything is so fucked up!" he cries.

He looks up at me, but back to my parents before they notice. They ask Jasper if
he's nervous about leaving for school, he agrees and my mom hugs him. I run my
hand through my hair, breathing in a sigh of relief.

"Everything will be ok, Honey," Mom whispers, completely oblivious.

"He's intoxicated," Dad says, looking disappointed.

- 168 -
 "He'll sober up in the car," I tell him, sticking my hands in my pockets.

"I don't think leaving is a smart decision, Edward."

"We already have plans, he'll be fine. Jasper is fucked up about school."

"I don't want you driving if you've been drinking, Edward." My dad places a hand
on my shoulder.

"I haven't been drinking," I whisper, staring at my best friend who has his face
hidden in my mom's neck. "Jazz, let's go."

Jasper had a bottle of Jack hidden under the passenger seat in his car. With the
exception of the liquid splashing around in that bottle, our drive to Port Angeles was
silent. I wanted to ask him what the fuck brought up the sudden mood swing. What
changed in the twenty minutes that he was in the shower, but I didn't want him to
cry again and I didn't want to fight. I kept my fucking mouth shut, and listened to
him drown in his own sorrow.

When we pulled up to the theater where the concert was being played, I parked
the car and Jasper got out without a word. He stood beside the car, taking a few
more swigs from his bottle before slamming it against the asphalt and walking
ahead of me.

I pulled the cigarette from my ear and lit it before following him; Mike, Tyler, Sam,
Lauren, Jessica and Alice are all waiting out front. Jasper ran right for Alice, picking
her up and spinning in a circle. I ignored them while I said hello to the rest of the
group.

We paid for our tickets, the theaters are packed and there isn't anywhere to sit.
We all push our way towards the front of the stage; Jasper keeps his arm around
Alice's shoulders. Thankfully, Lauren and Jessica are both preoccupied by Mike and
Tyler, and I chill with Sam while the band plays.

It's good to be out with friends; I don't know what the fuck is up with Jasper, but
the loud music and cramped body space makes for a good distraction. I don't want
- 169 -
to fucking worry about him. He's being strange his attitude is shifty; pissed one
moment, begging me to kiss him, and crying the next. Now he is gripped onto Alice
like she's his fucking saving grace.

I'm not supposed to be fucked up over him. That's not the way this works, we fuck
and when that's done, we're done. Simple.

"Hey man, we got a table." Sam pulls on my arm; I follow him through the sea of
people until we reach the booth in the back.

I order a coke from the waitress and slide into the booth, Jasper slides in beside
me, I guess her had a change in heart. He drapes his arm over my shoulders and
slumps down into the seat. Jasper is fucked up, his eyes are heavy and his words are
slurred. He smells like booze and he looks like he is in search for a fight.

He doesn't have to look for long.

In the booth across from us is a group of four or five guys and it's obvious that two
of them are gay. It makes me uncomfortable when the other people in our group
spot them. Mike makes a few comments, Jessica makes a face and Alice asks us if we
can see them from where we are sitting.

"See them?" Jasper asks Alice sarcastically. "Like they're a fucking side show or
what? They're fags, who the fuck cares?"

"It's just weird," Alice answers, staring at the two men kissing.

They gay couple isn't doing anything wrong; dancing, singing along with the band
and drinking. They're holding hands, and they kiss sometimes but other than that
they look like a normal group of friends out having a good time. They're not dressed
flamboyantly they look like regular guys. They look like Jasper and me, and just
because they're gay, they are suddenly 'weird.'

"Do you know they let those faggots in the Army now?" Mike asks. Jasper tenses
up beside me, his arm tightening over my shoulders.

"Aren't you going to the Army, Mike?" Lauren snickers.

"Yeah, and it's bullshit that I have to shack up with fags. What if one of them tries
to fuck me while I'm sleeping, it's bullshit." He takes a drink of his beer, and
continues to stare.

- 170 -
 Jasper sits up straight, leaning forward with his face in his hands while he laughs
aggressively. "You are so fucking stupid!"

"Gays have always been in the Army, Mike. They just weren't allowed to say
anything about it." Alice says, never taking her eyes away from the gay couple.

Thankfully, the two men are oblivious.

"Whatever, it's fucking un-American," Mike says, believing his own words.

"Do you know how fucking stupid you sound? A dumb motherfucker like you is
allowed to fight for our country but those two guys over there can't because they're
gay?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Fags go to hell, it's in the bible." Mike shrugs his shoulders.

My eyes automatically look at my bracelet; his words make me laugh, it's exactly
what Rosalie was talking about earlier.

Jasper cocks his head to the side and leans forward across the table towards Mike.
"What the fuck did you just say?"

"What? Its true," he says easily.

Jasper is on his feet and walking across the table before any of us have a chance to
grab him. He kicks Mike in the side of the head, causing him to fly out of his chair
onto the ground. I'm trying to get out of the booth but the girls won't move and
Tyler is standing in my way.

I climb over the table, and by this time Jasper has Mike pinned on the ground. He
punches him in the face, over and over. Ironically enough, the two gay guys he was
more or less defending, help me pull Jasper off Mike.

"Calm the fuck down, friend," the blonde one says, handing Jasper over to me.

Jasper spits on Mike and moves away from me. I thank the guys for helping me
out, not bothering to say good-bye to anyone as I run after Jasper. He's waiting for
me beside the car, his hands are on the back of his head and he's crying again, but I
think it's more out of anger.

"That's what she wants for us. You want to live through that, Edward?" he spits the
words, too fired up to calm down.
- 171 -
 I lean against the trunk of the car while he paces back and forth.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Jazz."

"Rosalie!" he yells. "She has this idea that you and I can be together, in a fucking
relationship. Those guys were doing nothing, and you heard how they were being
treated. I don't want that, that won't be my life."

I roll my eyes, knowing the alcohol is causing most of this. Running my hand
through my hair, I sit back and listen to him vent.

"Does he really believe that shit he was saying? Fags go to hell. Do you believe
that, Edward? Do you!" Jasper is in front of me, his hand running through my hair
before pulling on it at the front.

"No," I whisper.

He moves away from me, his knuckles bloody and his lip cut open. Between what
we do to each other, and what Mike did to him in the theater, Jasper's face is all
fucked up; bruised and gashed.

I light another cigarette, closing my eyes and listening to Jasper pace and vent. I
crack my neck and wait for him to cool down; his groans turn into sobs, and his sobs
transform into yells. He's drunk, belligerent and it takes him about twenty minutes
to calm down enough to get into the car.

He passes out as soon as I hit the highway. My cell rings for over an hour, a
different person each time all wondering where Jasper and I went. I don't answer,
letting the calls go to voicemail.

When we get back to the house, it's well past midnight. My parents are asleep, I
ask Jasper to keep it down as I help him climb the stairs up to my room. I take him
straight into the bathroom, starting the shower and taking his clothes off. He kicks
off his shoes and lifts his arms so that I can take off his shirt. He unbuckles his pants
while I pull them down to his knees.

He gets into the shower with his socks on again.

I sit on the toilet while he washes himself; his mood is lighter than earlier in the
night, but shit is awkward anyway. It's been a long fucking day, and has only
become more confusing.

- 172 -
 "Edward," Jasper slurs.

"What?"

"Want to join the Army and ass fuck Mike Newton with me?" He laughs at his own
stupid joke.

"I'll pass."

"Yeah, me too." He sighs, opening the shower door and getting out. Jasper walks
straight into the bedroom without drying off and falls into bed.

I turn the shower off, dry up the floor and follow out into the room. Jasper has
passed out again, but wakes up long enough to get under the covers. I lock my
bedroom door, turn on the TV and change into some pajamas before sliding into bed
beside Jasper.

I look at him for a while; stare at his face while he sleeps. My best fucking friend.
This entire time we've been fucking around, we've been treating it like some big
fucking joke.

Tonight it wasn't so funny, and tomorrow decisions need to be made.

AN: Harsh, I know. Unfortunately, that's reality. I'm a firm believer in that people
are born gay. I have gay relatives, and they didn't make the decision, it just
happened. Like my dear friend, Conversed, says -Love is Love- Everyone is entitled
to an opinion, Gay marriage, gays in the Army and gay rights are a huge issue in
California. (It's where I live) I witness this type of hate everyday on the news; on the
streets, it fucking makes me sick.

I married my husband two and a half years ago. It was after gay marriage
was passed in California, before they took it away again. The day I married
my husband in the courthouse was the very first day gays were allowed to
get married. The courthouse was packed, same sex marriages mixed with
heterosexual ones I got married to my husband beside a lesbian couple.

- 173 -
 Getting married at a courthouse isn't that glamorous, but I had a fucking blast.

My point in all of this is that I know the words I used in this chapter were
enough to make any normal person cringe, but I don't believe that gays go
to hell and I do believe that gays should have the same right as the rest of
us. All I was trying to show is that a lot of the world doesn't think so. So, I'm
sorry if I hurt any feeling with this chapter, I was only trying to show the
reality of their situation.

Ok, I'm not sure if I mentioned this last time but McFearless is up for a Golden
Lemon. There wasn't a slash category this time around but a lot of awesome slashes
got nominated, including Raw & Rosy and Uncomfortable. So go vote and show your
support for the Slash community. We are small, but growing. Lol.

REC: This isn't a slash, but a wonderful and flawless story none the less.
"Boy next door" by Taintedvile. It's all kinds of fucked up, beautifully
written and awesomely executed. Her words leave me speechless, and keep
me thinking long after I've finished the latest update. Her fic is one of the
best I've ever read, and an absolute gem. Her use of music and the way she
uses her words is new and refreshing. So, it's not a slash but give it a
chance. You won't be sorry.

You can find the link under my favorites.

Well, thanks again. I know there wasn't much boy love in this chapter, but
I was feeling a bit emo and well, this is what happens when I'm on my
period.

Leave me some love, or some hate either way I would love to hear your opinions.

TB23

- 174 -
 Chapter 10

Chapter10

Edward

"Call a priest, I'm dying." Jasper pulls the blankets over his head. "Turn down the
sun, it's too bright."

"It's eight o'clock at night, Jazz. The sun isn't out." I laugh, turning down the
volume on the TV.

"Am I already dead? Is this Heaven?" Jasper peeks an eye out from beneath my
comforter. "Never mind, you're here with me. We're in hell. Fags go to hell and all
that shit." He hides back under the blankets. "How'd we die?"

"You choked on my cock."

"And you killed yourself because you can't live without me?"

I get up from my game chair and kick the mattress on Jasper's side of the bed.
"Yeah, you wish motherfucker. You're not dead. You have a hangover and you've
slept all fucking day."

Jasper groans, kicking his feet. "Last night wasn't a dream?"

"Not by a long shot. Mike Newton is afraid for his life." I sit on the edge of the bed,
looking down at the floor.

I've had the entire day to think about what I'm going to say, and the time to grow
the balls to say it. This is a 'now or never' kind of moment; we only have ten days left
in Forks, and then it's the rest of our lives. Whatever is happening between Jasper
and me will be over, and even though I have played this conversation over in my
head one-hundred fucking times throughout the afternoon, I haven't decided if that's
a good thing or not.

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 "I'll apologize, or whatever the fuck, tomorrow. Beating his ass is hazy."

"Jazz," I hesitate, pulling at the front of my hair.

"Yeah, man, let me piss before we start the heavy, okay?"

I don't watch Jasper walk to the bathroom; he's naked, and I'm aware of his
humongous cock, but I don't need the complication of liking the way Jasper's dick
looks to distract me from the task at hand. I'm only now accepting the fact that I like
his dick and seeing it hang might make me want to play with it. If I play with it, we'll
never talk.

He makes the stupidest fucking noises when he takes a piss. Lots of 'ooohhh's,'
and 'awwww's,' and "Oh, shit. Sorry, Edward, I pissed on the floor."

I lie back on my bed, kicking the air like a four year old. "Clean it up, dick-wad."

"I did. I did. Calm down." Jasper gets back into bed with clothes on. "Alright, lay it
on me."

I should cock slap him for being such a smart ass, but cock slapping might turn
into cock sucking and if my dick is in his mouth, he might not listen to what I have to
say. I already decided not to play with his piece; I'm definitely not going to let him
suck mine. Even if I want him to, really bad.

"Jasper, if we're going to do this, we need to do this." I don't sound so convincing

because I really want my piece sucked now, but this is serious.

He yawns. "Do what?"

Last night he was a crying mess; he drank himself into a coma, beat the crap out
of Mike Newton, and passed out naked in my bed because he was so upset, and
today he won't even acknowledge any of it ever happened. Go figure.

I put myself out there and I'm returned with indifference. Asshole. "You know
what," I say, getting up out of bed. "Get the fuck out of my room and go home."

Jasper groans as I open my bedroom door, waiting for him to leave. He doesn't
because he's a fucker and a manipulator and a horrible friend. He sits on my bed
and shakes his head, treating me as if I'm the one with the problem. I'm trying to be
the solution.

- 176 -
 "Edward," he whines into the palms of his hands. "I'm not gay."

I slam my door shut before my mother hears. "Neither am I," I hiss lowly.

"Then what is there to talk about, Edward? Fuck!" He sits up in bed, bare feet on
the carpet.

I want to kick him in the fucking grill for having bare feet on my carpet. When did
we move past the socks? What the fuck is really going on around here?

"You can't act the way you did last night. My mom, she" I want to say she almost
caught us kissing in the living room, but that requires saying we were kissing out
loud, and if he isn't willing to admit it, neither am I.

"I remember," he admits, face set back in his hands. "I messed up. It won't happen
again."

"Fine." I shrug my shoulder and sit back down in my game chair. "Get the fuck
out."

"Why are you complicating this?"

"I'm not complicating anything, get out." I feel like a little cry baby bitch. I feel
clingy. I feel like Bella.

"I have to go home anyway." Jasper stands; I can hear him walking around my
room. His clothes are all over the fucking place and his shoes are in the bathroom.

I watch him from the corner of my eye as he steps beside me to grab his 360
controller. "This-" He grabs for it, misses, grabs again and then drops it on the
ground and has to pick it up."-is mine."

"Good, take it, I don't need your fucking remote control." I'm up on my feet,
standing a little taller than Jasper because I have shoes on. "I have my own remote.
Yours sucks balls!"

"That's mine too." He eyes the game chair.

I pick the motherfucker up and throw it into the hallway.

"That shirt you're wearing is mine too, asshole." Jasper points to my his shirt.

- 177 -
 I rip the fucking shirt off and toss it in his face. Now I'm cold, but whatever. I'm
proving a point. He's looking at my chest, then he's looking at my dick. I cover it
with my hands.

"Petty bitch," I call him, frustrated and a little bit hurt.

Instead of letting it go by allowing him to leave, I continue to make matters worse

by walking around my room and picking out everything that belongs to Jasper: his
watch that sits on my nights stand. His iPod. His belt and his backpack. Every single
item in my bedroom that does not belong to me is thrown across the room in his
direction.

Its official, I'm the fucking chick.

Jasper has an arm full of clothes, video games and shoes, but I don't feel sorry for
him. I keep chucking his crap in a fit of anger and resentment. "This is yours this
this this!" And when our seventh grade year book hits him in the side of the
head, I feel bad, but it doesn't stop me from throwing our high school freshmen year
book at the center of his back.

My room is destroyed, Jasper is cussing, my mom is screaming for us to watch our

mouths, and I am seething. Fuck this being gay shit, it's too complicated. I'm
officially sticking to vagina from here on out.

"Get out!" I hit Jasper over the head with his pillow until he falls to his knees and
begs for me to stop. I'm out of breath, and he's laughing at me. I kick him in the
stomach, and when he starts to cough, I feel bad. "Shit, I'm sorry, J."

"Hurts," he chokes, holding his stomach as he falls to his side. "You're such a
pussy," he wheezes.

I look around my room, then down at my best friend, who has consistently gotten
the shit beat out him for the last five days, and I get mad all over again. There is
nothing rational about this situation, and anger is pretty much the only emotion I
know how use right about now.

"I'm done, Jazz. This shit between us, it's over." I'm up on my feet, kicking clothes
out of my way so I can leave my room.

I think I just broke up with Jasper. How fucking gay.

I hear him call my name as I walk down the stairs into the living room. Mom asks
- 178 -
me what my plans are for the night, I don't have any so I only shrug my shoulders.
She asks me if I want to play Bunko.

"Yeah, I don't think so, Mom." I laugh, sitting next to her on the couch, comforted
by her touch.

"But why not? You're leaving soon and I'll have nobody!" Now my ma is crying,
clinging to my shirt, and asking me to stay. "Don't go! Don't leave me!"

I'm spent and want nothing more than to sleep and wake up in California. I can't
deal with my insane parents any longer. I know that transition is hard, and I
expected my mom and dad to be upset that I'm moving away, but my mother is out
of control. Add Jasper to the mix, and I'm going to lose my fucking mind. This is my
nightmare, and I'm starting to believe it will never end.

When Jasper comes downstairs looking for me, asking if we can talk, I just blow
him off. Not literally, I don't literally blow him "I can't talk right now, Jasper, can't
you see that my mother is fragile?"

Mom looks up from my chest, with swollen heartbroken eyes. Jasper sits on the
couch beside us; she asks him if he will play Bunko with her tonight since I won't.
He is the perfect child, suck-up who would never let down his parents or mine by
saying no to any request. I knew the second she asked, we were playing Bunko.

To the left, to the left. Everything Jasper owns is in a box to the left.

"Talk to me."

"Nope." I pop the 'P' so it's more of a nope-ah.

- 179 -
 I'm not really mad at him anymore. In fact, remembering his scream as the
yearbook made contact with his spine makes me kind of happy. Jasper rescued me
from my crying, psycho-stage five clinger of a mother. Even I have to agree that
Bunko is a better than sitting on the couch with a crying Esme all night. So between
that and the pillow massacre, I'll forgive him

What did he do again?

Oh, yeah, he kissed me in my kitchen three weeks ago, turned me gay. Took off his
socks, turned me gay sleeps in my bed, turned me gay hit his head on a tree
and got a bad ass gash, turned me gay got all sentimental and beat the shit out of
Mike Newton for gay bashing, turned me gay agreed to play Bunko with our
moms and their Bunko club, turned me gay.

"Edward, talk to me."

I look up from the bowl of barbeque sausages and growl.

"Dude, did you just growl at me?"

"Leave me alone, Jasper," I warn, putting down the sausages and picking up the
bag of Lays.

"Don't fuck up the night, okay. I'm totally going to win Bunko and did you see the
prize?" He wiggles his eyebrows, blocking my way out of his kitchen.

Only now, I'm interested. "No, what is it?" I shove my mouth full of chips.

"Seasons 1- 4 of Gilmore Girls and seventy-five bucks." Jasper nods his head,
totally into it.

I drop my bag of chips and double over in laughter. Small chip particles land on
the kitchen floor, I push him out of my way and head back into the living room
where all the women are playing their game. They love us here, can't get enough of
me and Jasper. They always want to sit next to us, let us cheat and shit.

"Edward! Come sit next to me!" Susan Mallory waves me over. She's hot for an
older chick; over-tanned and her hair is huge, but I bet she gives a great hummer.

Renee Swan is here too, along with Mike Newton's mother, Pam. She gives me a
crooked eye every time I walk passed her, but it's better than the stink eye she lays
on Jasper.
- 180 -
 I sit next to Lauren's mom. She's extremely touchy and her hand on my thigh is
giving me a semi. She offers me booze; she even feeds me a strawberry. It isn't until
I tell her that she has nice tits that she acts all offended and I get up and walk away.

My liver screams in protest as I guzzle wine coolers two at a time. I search the
cabinets in Jasper's kitchen for decent liquor, but his parents keep it locked up and I
don't particularly feel like looking for the key.

I just figure, if this is my life until I leave for college, I might as well be drunk. And
at this point in time, I'm desperate. I'd drink cough syrup if I had to; wine coolers
will just have to suffice.

After I've polished off an entire four pack of Strawberry daiquiri coolers, I eat the
rest of the ranch dip and suddenly I don't feel so well.

"Are you alright?"

I'm dry heaving into the kitchen sink, and because irony is a motherfucker, Jasper
happened to show up and offer to hold my fucking hair back.

My eyes are watering, and my grip on the counter over the sink is pretty tight, but
I'm determined not to look like a pussy and puke. "I'm fine."

"You smell like strawberries and chips, it's gross."

"Fuck off, Jazz. I wasn't saying that shit when you were puking last night." I push
myself away from the kitchen sink and wipe the tears away from my eye.

These are not sad tears, get that fucking straight.

"Maybe we should lay off the booze for a couple of days." Jasper shrugs his
shoulders, handing me a bottle of water.

I take it, unscrew the top, and drink the entire bottle while I look at him. He's
wearing a pair of gray sweats and a white t-shirt, but I can see the shape of his cock
and the cut over his eye is still sexy as fuck. Add the bruised knuckles and the
busted lip and Jasper looks pretty fucking fuckable.

Actually, he looks like shit and I think we've been bad to ourselves for long
enough.

"I don't want to be with you anymore, Jasper," I say, throwing the bottle into the
- 181 -
recycling bin. "Not that we were together, but you know what I mean."

"Why? Because I got drunk and beat the shit out of Mike Newton for being a
bigot?" He's offended and raises his voice.

"No, because I don't want to do this with you. I don't even feel like myself
anymore. Look at us! We're playing Bunko at midnight with our moms."

"So." He leans back against the counter across from me and crosses his arms over
his chest. "It's important to them, Edward, and we're out of here in a week. It makes
them happy. It isn't a big deal."

"You're fucking with my head."

He laughs out loud and looks at me angrily. "Not everything is about you, baby."

At the sound of the gesture, my entire face distorts into disgust. "Did you just
fucking call me baby?"

"Get a hold of your vagina, Edward, I didn't mean it like that." Jasper stands closer
to me, arms still crossed. "Last night was fucked up, and I have every intention of
talking to you about it. So if you can pull your head out of your ass for one night, we
can make the mothers happy and tomorrow we'll figure shit out."

"No."

"No?" He laughs.

"Yeah, no. I already told you, it's over."

Jasper steps closer, his eyes locked on mine. I try to move back but I'm pinned
against the kitchen sink. He places his hands beside mine, his nose brushing along
my jaw lips hovering so fucking close I can taste them. "I don't fucking think so."

"I'm not playing your games anymore, Jazz." I swallow; my is dick hardening inside
of my jeans.

"Who in the fuck said I was playing any kind of game?" His lips touch the corner of
my mouth softly, once, twice, three times. "Last night last night, I was-" he
begins, but is cut off by his mom, Tina, walking into the kitchen.

She stands in the kitchen entrance way, empty chip bowl in her hands and an
- 182 -
indescribable expression on her face. "Hey, boys."

Jasper clears his throat, carefully stepping away from me. There's no hiding his
hard-on, he's only wearing sweats and no matter how hard he pushes down on it, it
springs back to life. "Hey, Mom."

She opens the refrigerator, keeping her eyes on us. My stomach is feeling uneasy
again. I'm sweating and my ears are ringing. There's no denying it, Tina caught us.

"Everything alright?" she asks in a suspicious tone.

"Yeah, Edward drank too much," Jasper answers quickly, stepping onto the other
side of the kitchen island where he can hide his wood.

Tina takes a better look inside of the fridge and gasps, "You little shit, you drank
all of my wine coolers."

I run the palm of my hand over my forehead, feeling a little woozy. "Sorry," I
mumble.

The three of us stand in the kitchen, tension thick in the air. Tina is staring
through us, and her mouth keeps opening up like a fish. She wants to say something.
She wants to ask about what she saw when she walked into the kitchen five minutes
ago. Tina is curious as to why her son was kissing me, and now she's too afraid, and
I'm going to puke.

And I do, all over the kitchen floor.

Jasper

My mom made me clean it up.

She took one look at the red puke and walked out of the kitchen. Edward couldn't
do it, every time he bent down with the towel he'd either gag or throw up some
more. He was making the problem worse, so I sent him to take a shower. All the
gagging, crying and- "Oh shit, Jasper, she saw us." was making a scene.
- 183 -
 I saw her face, I know my mom thinks that she saw something, but she doesn't
know what exactly to make out of what she walked in on. If Edward can manage to
stay cool, we can work this out. Maybe. I doubt it.

"Jazz, do you need some help?" Esme stands off to the side, hand over her mouth.

I'm cleaning up the last of the regurgitated strawberry-daiquiri, I shake my head.

"No, thanks." -gag- "I'm almost done." -gag, heave, gag- "Thank-you for asking
though."

"Poor Edward, he must have the flu." Esme looks genuinely concerned for
Edward's health; I can't break her heart by telling her that he's a fucking dumb-shit
who had too many wine coolers.

Wine coolers? Really?

After I've finished mopping, I excuse myself from the Bunko game, pissed that I'm
not going to win Gilmore Girls, and head upstairs towards my bedroom. Edward is
still in the shower; I knock and stick my head in the bathroom. He tells me he feels
better. He tells me he needs something to wear and asks me if I can get him a towel.

Yeah, I'll get that motherfucker a towel; my bathroom isn't connected to my

bedroom like Edward's is at his house; it's across the hallway. Unless he wants to
run across naked, he has to wear what I give him. Payback is a bitch, but first I want
to fuck with him a little.

The bathroom is steamy, the mirror is fogged and the air is muggy. Edward is
standing under the direct stream of the water; his head is down, unaware that I
snuck back into the bathroom with him. First, I hide all of his clothes and the towels
on the racks under the sink. After I've set his new towel and new set of clothes on
the counter, I open the shower curtain and scare him.

Edward screams like a little bitch, then he tries to hit me but misses.

"Get out of here," he mumbles, hand covering his dick but fuck me if a wet
Edward isn't a sexy motherfucker.

I kind of stay and admire for a few minutes; watch the water run off his skin gay
shit like that. He fidgets, becomes uncomfortable and tries to close the shower
curtain but I hold onto that bitch like my life depends on it.

"Let me see it." I nod towards his junk.

- 184 -
 "What? No, get out."

I make eye contact with Edward, stepping closer towards that shower. The water
sprays onto my face, but I want to see his dick and getting wet is a small price to
pay. "Let me see it, Edward." I'm trying not to laugh because his facial expression is
hilarious. I love fucking with him, he's so easy.

"If I let you see it, will you leave me alone?"

"Sure." I shrug, lying.

Now he's smirking at me with his cocky crooked grin; It's enough to make me
want to smack it off of his face, but when he drops his hand, letting his dick hang,
I'm done for and down on my knees faster than he can react.

"Jasper," he whispers as I take him into my mouth.

I'm not really thinking, only acting. Shit with Edward and I has been weird all
along, but the last couple of days have been more so. Every single time I convince
myself this is only about sex, something changes. I like him, I like doing this with
him and it's upsetting that in ten days it will be over.

That's what last night was all about.

I accepted the truth, and the truth is a harsh son-of-a-bitch.

With my hands on the back of Edward's thighs, I look up at him as I take him
inside of my mouth. His eyes are closed and his head is leaned back. The muscles in
his stomach flex and release as I suck. When I circle my tongue around the head of
his penis, Edward hisses and pulls on the back of my hair.

All of this is so fucking extreme. I want to hate myself for it it still pisses me off
that I feel this way, but I can't deny it any longer. Edward is my friend and we've
never had any reason not to be honest with each other. It's time to put it all out
there, and be truthful after I finish sucking him off.

Shower-wet Edward is sexy all on his own, but shower-wet Edward getting sucked
off is fucking hot. My clothes are soaking wet, the bathroom floor is flooding, and
Edward has the death grip on my hair, but all of it is exciting. That's the thing with
Edward and me together, it's fucking exciting.

As I listen to his fucks, and his, a little fasters, I pull my dick out and begin to
- 185 -
stroke myself.

Talented, remember?

With one of my hands on the base of his cock and one on my own, Edward literally
fucks my face while we both shoot for home. It's good. It's weird. I've more or less
gotten used to it, and I'm not ready to let it go. Not yet.

I'm so confused.

Edward comes first, and swallowing cum isn't as easy as it looks in porn. It taste
like salt, it's thick, and Edward has a shit-ton of it. Some of it drips down my chin, a
lot of it shoots down my throat, and a few drops of it get in my hair. Don't ask.

When I come, it's easy; I aim towards the shower and it all goes down the drain.

Now I'm face to face with Edward's softening cock, and this is the part where shit
becomes weird. Except, I won't let it. Not anymore. Instead, I kiss his mouth and
walk out of the bathroom. It's once I hit hallway that I start to panic: I just gave
Edward a blow job in a house full of women: the mothers of all of our friends and
girlfriends. My mom, who just walked in on us kissing, is down there. Edward's
mom.

I am so stupid.

"What the fuck is this!" Edward comes running in the room, slamming the door
closed behind him before locking the lock.

I sit up in my bed and literally fall off when I see him.

"This isn't funny, Jasper! Give me some fucking clothes to wear." He's kicking
boxes around in my room, searching through my dresser drawers for something to
wear. Meanwhile, he has a washcloth covering his dick and a pair of purple and gray
M.C. Hammer pants over his shoulder, courtesy of my dad circa 1990.

Like I said, payback is a bitch.

- 186 -
 "I'm not wearing these." He gives me the most serious of faces over his shoulder.

"I couldn't find anything else." I lie.

I get up and walk over to Edward; I smack his ass and rip away the washcloth from
his hand. I didn't even give him a real towel to dry off with; I wanted to see his perky
white butt cheeks while he freaked out over the clothes I left him.

Without another option, Edward puts on the Hammer pants and tackles me onto
the floor. We're rolling around, wrestling and doing shit that boys do, being friends.
Shit is knocked down, boxes get pushed over, and heads are pounded against walls.
Edward and I haven't changed much since we were nine years old, we're immature
as fuck. That's probably why we're in this mess.

We roll, we fight, and we cuss and pull until my mom knocks on the door.
Thankfully Edward locked the door, but she still looks pale when I open it and she
sees that Edward is in a pair of my dad's pants and I'm not wearing the same clothes
I came up here in.

She shakes her head, and blinks double time. "Edward, your mom I think she
needs you to drive her home."

I look over my shoulder, back at Edward. He's like a statue. Shirtless and Too
Legit to Quit- he's a scared little pussy. Then again, so am I.

"Okay," he answers, running his hand through his wet hair.

"Okay," Mom says, walking away without another word.

I close the door and turn back towards Edward. He's grabbing a random shirt out
of my closet; I don't have much to choose from. While I've been spending my days
with Edward, my mom has been packing my room. He ends up putting on my
football shirt from the tenth grade, and it's three sizes too small. Not to mention my
last name is spelled across the back.

It's extremely gay of him but I kind of like it.

"This is messed up, Jasper," he says, slipping his shoes back on, sans socks.

"I know."

"What are we going to do?"

- 187 -
 "Nothing. What can we do?"

He looks over at me with his hand on the door handle. I guess we're not spending
the night together; it's the first in a while and it makes me a little sad.

"It's probably better if we sleep in our own beds tonight," he mumbles, looking
everywhere but at me.

"Yeah, probably."

"I'll call you?"

"Sure." I shrug my shoulders and lie back down before I junk punch him for being
a sissy bitch.

"Why are you pouting, J?" There's a comical tone in his voice; he's making fun of
me.

I lift my head and laugh under my breath. "Because you're wearing M. C. Hammer
pants and a Simon Cowell sized t-shirt."

Edward looks down at himself and starts to laugh too. When our laughter fades,
we fall back into the awkward silence. I know he wanted to talk to me when I woke
up earlier, and I was a dick about it. I avoided him on purpose and caused a fight
because I didn't want to deal. Now I feel like we have to and of course he has to
leave.

I could go with him, but I'm afraid we've already given my mom enough to have a
heart attack about. I bet she is downstairs right now stressing out about what she
saw. If she mentions anything to Esme, we're fucked. The Cullen's are insane, and I
don't think they would be able to deal if they found out their precious Edward likes
to take it up the ass every once and a while.

I don't even want to think about what my dad will say.

"My dad volunteered me for this charity fundraiser at the hospital tomorrow
night," Edward starts, "do you want to come?"

"What do you have to do?"

He smiles. "The kissing booth, I think."

- 188 -
 "Stand around and watch you get kissed by old ladies all night? I'm in."

The tension has slightly subsided; I get up out of bed and walk behind Edward as
he heads towards the stairs. The pants are hilarious, the shirt is even better but the
look on his face when I tell him how gross his cum tastes is priceless.

"You're dumb," he mumbles under his breath.

"It's true; it's like swallowing rice pudding."

"My nut doesn't have lumps, dick."

I put Edward into a headlock, and I pretend to be fucking with him, but I kiss him
instead. It's quick, it's stale, it's whatever. Now I feel stupid for trying. "I'll see you
tomorrow, Edward." I try to keep my wounded pride under control; he's the chick in
this duo, not me.

Edward isn't saying anything while he stares at me with a blank look. He groans,
he bites his lips and he walks towards me, pulling on the front of my hair and
pressing his lips against mine.

This time it's deep, and after the initial shock, it's comfortable. My mouth opens
first, but Edward isn't far behind. When our tongues touch, my eyes close. There
isn't any electricity, or sudden epiphany about love and shit, but it's cool and I don't
mind kissing Edward like this.

Our lips glide, slide and linger. Our tongues touch and move. Our breathing is
heavy and our dicks are getting hard. I'm pretty positive I wouldn't mind taking him
back into my room to pretend that we're straight while we do weird gay shit, but he
has to go.

I break away from the kiss first, clearing my throat and moving a few steps back.
Eye contact is hard; even if I'm getting better at accepting the truth, it's not easy to
swallow. (No pun intended.)

My mom did a good job at avoiding me for the rest of the night. I followed Edward
- 189 -
downstairs; Esme was tanked and gushing over how cute Edward looked in his
clothes, but my mom was still giving us the eye. After Esme and Edward left, she
cleaned up the living room and tried to act normal. It was too normal; she was being
too nice.

My mom and Esme are good friends but they are nothing alike. Edward's mom
walked in on us kissing last night and was completely oblivious to what she saw. My
mom isn't so naive, she knows exactly what she saw, and that much is apparent in
her behavior.

I'm afraid that Edward and I are fucked. And not in the feel good, literal way
either.

The plan was to fly into California two weeks before class starts. I wanted to give
myself some time to become situated and comfortable with my new surroundings.
After my mom went to bed and I knew she was sleeping, I logged onto the internet
and looked up my class schedule and flight information.

I am as clueless today as I was three weeks ago when we first kissed our way into
this, but one thing I know for sure is that I'm not so eager to leave Forks as I was
before. It took three weeks to change my entire life, I can give him five more days to
prove that it's fucking worth it.

"Are you up?" I ask as soon as he answers the phone.

"Yeah, I'm up."

"One more week. Five days."

"What are you talking about, Jasper?"

I click my computer mouse, changing my plans and moving dates around. "I'm
telling you that it's me and you, for the next fifteen days. I bought us more time."

"Oh." Edward breathes. "Alright."

"This is what you want? Make sure, Edward, because I'm pretty fucking confused."

"It's what I want." He laughs, as unsure as I am.

"I might not be good at this."

- 190 -
 "Me either."

"My mom knows." I sit back in my computer chair, chest heavy with anxiety from
that truth.

"Will she tell?"

"Probably." The ink on my new flight information dries.

"I knew you were gay." Edward makes light of our situation.

I groan, not even answering. I don't think I can admit it. I'm not there yet. "I'll see
you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, at the fundraiser."

"How much for a kiss?" I ask, turning off my computer and climbing into bed.

"A dollar."

"I'll bring a twenty."

- 191 -
 Chapter 11

Chapter11

Edward

It's completely ridiculous that I laid in bed all night and didn't get more than an
hour or two of sleep. I even took Nyquil, but I think that particular bottle of cold
medicine was defective because it had the opposite effect on me; I was wired. My
follicles hurt from pulling on my hair all night long, I'm pretty sure I was grinding
my teeth, and I bit all of my nails down.

Jasper and his twenty dollars have me fucked up.

I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. He laughed after he said it actually, it

was more like a chuckle. Jasper has so many different chuckles: the -I'm bullshitting
you- chuckle, the I'm nervous and I'm hiding behind my laughter- chuckle, and the
-don't fuck with my truth- chuckle. In this case, I'm willing to bet it was the latter of
the three. He sounded pretty determined to me. Which is weird, we only just moved
past the wearing socks in bed phase and we're already moving onto kissing in front
of a room of people?

I don't think I'm there yet.

My mind raced all night long. I thought about school and California. I'll miss my
parents, I'll miss my home in Forks, but I'll miss Jasper the most. During the night,
my anxiety got the best of me and I had to get out of bed. I wandered throughout the
house. I even thought about getting into bed with mom and dad, but when I walked
into their room and I saw that my mother was hugging a trash can and my dad was
holding her hair back, I left. She gets like that every time she plays Bunco. You'd
think she would learn her lesson eventually. Then again, its just apart of her spunk.
She wouldn't be my mom if she wasn't completely abnormal.

I ended up back in bed thinking about Jasper. Not all of my thoughts about him are
angry thoughts anymore. There is a lot of confused longing. My heart acts stupid
when I think about what we've done. My dick twitches. Jasper and I more or less

- 192 -
confirmed that we were doing this; him and me, just us, and I'm not sure exactly
what that means. I can't ever imagine holding his hand out in public or cuddling on
the couch and watching a movie. My mind won't allow me to think that way about
Jasper. It feels foreign and wrong. He isn't soft enough for that kind of tenderness. I
can't even bring myself to recognize him as my boyfriend. After everything, I just
can't.

I can admit that I have feelings for him, though. And not the same kind of feelings
I held for him last month when he was only my best friend. These feelings are
different. I want him around me all of the time. It bothered me before that we didn't
get into the same college, but it really bothers me now. It bothers me that he didn't
sleep with me last night. It bothers me that we only have so many days left here
before this fucking weird gay bubble we've trapped ourselves in is popped.

Yeah, I'm bothered.

I'm also fucking bothered because I cannot figure out, for the fucking life of me,
how to change my flight arrangements.

"Mom!" I yell, ready to snap her laptop in two. "Mom, I need your help!" My eyes
are burning. I'm tired and the screen is too damn bright. "Mom!"

"Edward, enough yelling." My mom slowly carries her feet down stairs. She has
one of those ice pack masks on over her eyes and what looks like a Bloody Mary in
her hand. "My head is pounding."

"Sorry, but I need your help figuring this out." I press on the enter button over and
over again but the error message keeps popping up.

She sits next to me on the couch; mom smells like vodka. "What are you trying to
do, Edward?"

"Change my flight arrangements," I grumble, lifting her laptop up, ready to send
the motherfucker across the room.

"You are!" Mom shrieks exceedingly. "You're going to stay here with me forever?"
Now she's crying. "I knew you would change your mind. I knew it. I prayed every
night, and your dad told me I was wrong to pray for you to stay home with me, but I
did it anyway." She goes on and on about turning the basement into an apartment so
I don't ever have to leave her and that if I want a girl to move in that's okay, too.

I take a deep, deep breath. "Mom, I'm not staying home."

- 193 -
 She's hugging me from behind, her face mask is freezing on my bare skin. "What?
Of course you are. You just said you were trying to cancel your flight arrangements."

"No, I didn't. I said I was trying to change them. I need a later date, five days later
actually." Fucking error message.

Mom squeezes around my torso harder, incredibly harder. Freakish mom strength
harder. "But but, you said!" She sobs incredibly louder. Freakish mom -breaking
the sound barrier- louder.

I feel for my mom. She's a mom. One of those suffocating, over bearing mothers,
but I love her, and it has to be hard watching her last child leave the home. So I hug
her back, and kiss the side of her head. She cries some more while I try to explain to
her how much it hurts me to leave. I tell her I'll be back as often as I can, holidays
and shit.

"Even for National Bubble Week or Incredible Kid Day?"

Yeah, we celebrate National Bubble Week and Incredible Kid Day. In fact, my mom
may have fucked me up so badly I might not be able to function in the real world
without her. How could I possibly let her celebrate Incredible Kid Day without her
Incredible Kid?

"I'll be here," I say into her hair, kissing her face and hugging her until she turns
almost blue.

After some more chin quivering and a few dozen hiccups, my mom changes my
flights for me. Of course, I tell her it's because I can't fathom leaving her any earlier
than I have to. I could never tell her it's because of Jasper, my best friend. Yeah, the
one who always sleeps over is now my boyfriend and we're trying to make the best
out of what time we have left. Besides, it makes her happy that I want to stay a few
days. Might as well let her think it's because of her.

"Thanks, Mom." I stretch and yawn, ready to sleep a few hours before I have to
head over to the fundraiser at the hospital tonight.

That's before Jasper walks through the front door.

- 194 -
 .

Jasper

I'm eating my Apple-jacks very carefully.

Very, very carefully.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table in my boxers and a pair of green chucks, eating
Apple-jacks. Carefully.

I'm afraid that if I eat them too loudly or if I drip any milk down my chin, my
mother will just go ahead a freak the fuck out. I can tell by her face that she got
about as much sleep as I did last night. She's making coffee, huffing and puffing her
way around the kitchen. Unsaid words just linger around in the air between us.

Come on, Mom, just ask.

Not that I would tell her the truth. I'm just sayin' it would be a lot easier if she
would hurry up and ask me about what she saw Edward and I doing in the kitchen
so I can go ahead and deny it. I plan to tell her that he had something in his eye and
I was trying to get it out. That's safe. Maybe she can convince herself she didn't
actually see me kissing him and that I was actually looking very closely in his eye.

"Tina," I say, mouth full of cereal.

"Don't call me Tina, Jasper, I am your mother." She smiles, pouring way too much
creamer into her coffee.

"He had something in his eye."

Tina slams the coffee creamer onto the counter. "In eighteen years you have never
really lied to me, never before now." Then she was gone.

And I'm back to eating my Apple-jacks carefully.

When I'm done eating, I quietly set my bowl into the sink and run back to my room
and shut the door. Then I lock it, and then I pull out all of my hair. This is wrong, my
mom is pissed and Edward agreed, or kind of agreed to be my boyfriend. Soon my
dad will know his son is a fairy who likes to look at wiener and my life will be
wrecked.

- 195 -
 I blame Edward.

Or Tom Cruise.

Yeah, I blame Tom Cruise and Interview with the Vampire.

I don't know why, but I always thought he was such a good looking vamp. Maybe
that does mean I'm gay! I kissed Edward first. It was sort of an accident, but I still
did it.

First, I'm man-crushing on Tom Cruise, and then I'm kissing on my best friend.
Next I'll have hair like Justin Bieber, wearing guy liner in one of those Lesbians that
look like Justin Bieber competitions. There is no coming back from that kind of
fuckery.

Whimper.

Without looking at what I'm grabbing, I pick up a pair of jeans and a random shirt
from the floor and put them on. I don't even bother brushing my hair or my teeth
before I'm out the front door and running over to Edward's.

I'm not crying, it's the wind in my eyes.

He's half asleep on the couch when I walk through his front door. His mom smiles
when she sees me. It looks like she has been crying. I just stand in the doorway until
Edward pats the couch next to him. I slip out of my shoes, walk over and sit down.

"Hey," he mumbles with closed eyes.

"Hey," I answer, feeling one-hundred percent better once I'm next to him.

"Shut up. No talking." He snores, head falling back.

"Fine." My head falls next to his.

Esme lays a blanket over the both of us. Edward grabs my hand and we fall asleep.

Fucking Lesbians that looks like Justin Bieber don't have shit on me!

.
- 196 -
 .

When I wake up Edward is staring at me.

His big green eyes are intently stabbing a hole through my face. We're still on the
couch, my body is stiff from sleeping in the sitting position for so long, but Edward is
freaking me out more than the body aches are. His arms are T-Rex'd, ready to do
The Creep. All he's missing is the Chester-the-Molester mustache and a light sweat
on his forehead.

"What are you looking at?" I finally ask, holding the blanket over my mouth.
Morning/early evening breath is a no-go.

"You're face, duh."

"Why?"

He blinks once, twice, four times. "Has anyone ever told you how similar you and
Justin Bieber are?"

"Fuck you."

"I'm serious; you have a good chance at winning that Lesbian contest I saw on E!
News the other day." Edward sits back, laughing while he flips through the TV
channels. "What happened? Miss me?"

I want to lick that sideways smirk right off of his ugly fucking face.

"No." I scoff, lying. Kind of. "My mom was being weird; I had to get the hell out of
there."

"So she knows?" Edward asks without looking at me. His face neutral. "For sure, I
mean?"

"Yeah, I'm sure she knows."

He nods, never looking away from the TV. Esme pops her head out of the kitchen
five minutes later asking us if we want pancakes for dinner before we head over to
the hospital. "I'll put M&M's in them!"

How can I say no to that?

- 197 -
 The pancakes turned out to be extremely yummy. And comforting. Like a big huge,
syrupy hug. I never took myself for a comfort eater, but I never figured myself to be
a gay guy either and look how well that turned out.

"Edward, I think I'm gay."

He looks up from the sink, mouth full of toothpaste. "Shut up," he says after
spitting into the sink.

"I'm serious, I used to dig on Tom Cruise."

"From Interview with the Vampire?"

"Yeah." I sigh, looking at my muscles in the bathroom mirror.

"That doesn't mean you're gay, everyone crushes on Tom Cruise in that movie." He
wipes his mouth off on his towel and tries to fuck with his hair for a while, but when
nothing works, he slips on a flat-billed NY hat. "Same rule applies for Mark Walberg.
It's just an unwritten law that guys are allowed to man crush on them without being
considered gay."

"Oh," I kiss my bicep. "Then never mind."

Edward walks out of the bathroom. I continue to inspect my awesome muscles and
the next time Edward shows back up, he's dressed in a pair of jeans and a black
t-shirt.

"Ready?" he asks, holding his car keys.

"Yeah." I was hoping to get a blow-job before we left, but whatever.

Edward smokes on the way to the hospital. He tells me he doesn't give a fuck if his
breath smells like cigarettes when these old chicks are kissing on him. He's hoping
the stench will keep them from getting back in line for seconds and thirds.

"Are you jealous?" he asks, holding his cigarette at the corner of his mouth.

"Jealous of what?"

"Girls kissing me."

I snort. "No." Maybe. "Why would I be jealous." Because I am.

- 198 -
 Edward holds the cigarette between his lips and inhales the nicotine; with
squinted eyes and open hand, he backhands me in the chest. "Because I'm your
man."

I can tell he is joking by the tone of his voice and the humor in his eyes, but that
fucking hurt. So, I hit him back. Now he's choking on smoke and coughing trying not
to drop his cigarette on the seat of his car. "Motherfucker," he wheezes. Edward
takes one more hit from his smoke before he puts it out and throws it out the
window. "Just for that, I'm giving your mom the fucking tongue."

"Good luck getting her to even look at you."

"That bad?" he asks, turning onto the street that the hospital is on.

"Yep, she's pissed."

He doesn't say anything else, letting the conversation end with a nod. Forks, by all
standards, is small. Our Hospital is state funded, but the funds are limited. Every
couple of months we hold these fundraisers. Not only for the hospital, but for the
schools, too. Edward, being the son of Dr. Cullen, is usually volunteered to
participate in these fundraisers. Last time he was auctioned off to Mrs. Newton for
two-hundred dollars. He was supposed to help her pull her weeds and do chores and
shit, she ended up luring him into the house and fed him strawberries.

It was weird.

Time before that he had to do the pie-eating contest; he ate fifteen pies in two
minutes. Edward won, actually. He also puked all night because the eggs that were
used for the pies were bad and he got salmonella poisoning.

I volunteer to do the easy shit, like pass out raffle tickets or pick up trash
afterward. I hang with the chicks while Edward saves our town with his crooked
smile and his fucked up hair.

Except this time, I don't think I have anything to do.

Edward parks down the street, a good distance from the actual hospital. He turns
the engine off, pretends to be fixing his hat in the mirror and then sits back in his
seat. It's an awkward moment; Edward fidgets, I become a statue. I don't know how
to be another dude's boyfriend. Did he park down here because he wants to make
out before we go in? Did he turn into a vagina over night and now wants to cuddle? I
don't know what the fuck to do, so I sit really still and don't make a sound.
- 199 -
 "So," Edward says, clearing his throat. "What are you going to be doing while I'm
kissing on women?"

I'm a statue, remember? Can't talk.

"Jazz," Edward calls quietly; he probably thinks I didn't hear him or something.
"Jasper." Now he is a little closer.

His hand is moving back and forth in front of my face, snapping his fingers beside
my ear. Before he gives up on me completely he screams, "Jasper!" right against my
cheek.

And not my butt cheek that I might like too much and we have a hospital to
fund.

"What!" I yell back, turning to face Edward, only now, he is close. Our noses are
almost touching, close.

"Never mind." He swallows, staring at my lips.

While I'd rather use his Adams-apple as a pacifier, we can't. If there isn't time for
screaming against butt cheeks, there isn't time for sucking on neck bones. Instead, I
lean my face closer to Edward's and press my lips against his. No tongue, not wet,
just lips.

He pulls away first, smiling like a douche hole. "That's going to cost you a dollar,"
he says, opening his car door.

"I've still got my twenty." I watch him turn red. I stay in the car until he slams the
door shut.

Edward smokes another cigarette while we walk down to the hospital. These
things are never any different. The local restaurants come together and set up
vending booths where food can be purchased; half of their sales are donated to the
cause. Dr. Cullen has his own booth where he takes blood pressure and other stupid
shit for a small donation. Chief Swan has a couple of his cruisers set up, lights on,
and he speaks to kids about being safe. The Newton's have a booth set up,
something to do with the store they own. There is a bunch of activities for the kids;
Esme is dressed up in a Mrs. Claus costume.

I'll never understand her.

- 200 -
 And Edward's kissing booth is right in the center of all of the fun. I'm willing to bet
he is going to be the big money maker today. Stupid dick.

"Save me," he grumbles.

Everyone is here, everyone we know: Bella, Alice, Lauren, Jess, all the boys from
school, everyone's parents, The Mayor, and they all want a piece of my boyfriend.

They can have him, less problems for me.

Just kidding.

"Let's just get this shit over with so we can go home," I tell him, taking the first
steps towards Edward's doom. "You know," I say over my shoulder. "You're probably
going to get herpes or some shit today, you should ask your dad for a rabies shot
before you do this."

"Shut up, Jazz," he says with his head hanging low.

"Are you going to kiss all of these girls on the mouth?" I'm asking out of curiosity
swear.

"No," he scoffs. "Only the pretty ones." He winks, leaving me behind the kissing
booth so he can tell his dad that he is here.

I hear her squeal before I see her tits.

Come on! I see her tits first because they are bigger than her face.

Alice, boobs first, sneaks her way behind the kissing booth and jumps into my lap.
She's kissing all over me; my nose and my forehead. I'm trying to subtly drop her off
of my lap, carefully, but she won't budge. For being as short as she is, she's fucking
heavy. Then again, she's part silicone so I can see how something like this could
happen.

"Alice, stop," I manage to mumble over all of her squealing and squeaking.

"Oh, I've missed you." She circles her hips on my lap, and it feels so fucking good.

"I've missed you too, Alice, but I don't think this is the place or time to catch up." I
push her hips back, but that only encourages her.

- 201 -
 Then she whispers into my ear that she wants to swallow my dick, and I'm the one
who almost falls onto the floor. Alice and me, we've had all kinds of sex all over the
place. That was before I became a dick snuggler of course. Alice is hot, and she's a
freak. She will take it anywhere, anytime. And while the thought of my dick in her
throat sounds fucking delicious, I'm not as into it as I used to be.

Not that I wouldn't hump her if Edward wasn't my guy. I am a man. Duh. Winning.

"Alice, you can't be back here."

Edward's voice scares me at first, but when I look over Alice's shoulder with
pleading eyes and see that he thinks this shit is funny, I want to kick him in the
nads.

"Oh, come on, Edward, let me stay. Jasper and I never get to see each other
anymore." Her hands are everywhere, I manage to pin them to her sides. Now she's
roaring like a lion, promising to make me her sheep.

Edward only laughs, setting up the rest of his booth.

"You better hope I don't see Bella, motherfucker," I say over all of the lion roars
coming from Ally.

Look who's the statue now. "You wouldn't."

"Bet me."

"Bella?" Alice stops roaring, and mentions that she actually drove here with Bella.
"Want me to go get her? I'll be right back." She jumps off my lap, adjusts her skirt
and skips along.

"Good going." Edward shakes his head, officially open for business.

One would have thought that he announced that shit over a fucking intercom, or
that sirens around his kissing booth went off by the way these women flocked
towards his lousy kissing booth. Ladies of all shapes and sizes came through, all
trying to get their claws stuck in Edward Cullen. I kept hidden pretty well, but a few
of them saw me and asked for a kiss too. Lauren's mom paid fifty bucks for each of
us to kiss her at the same time; she went through the line three times. We only
kissed her on the cheek. Lauren's dad must be lacking in the passion department if
she gets off on this shit.

- 202 -
 Edward and I ended up having a good time, and what made it better is that there
wasn't any sign of Alice or Bella. I don't know where they went, but I didn't actually
care, watching Edward getting manhandled by middle aged women was funny as
fuck. These eighth graders actually got into a fistfight over who got to kiss him first;
Chief Swan had to break it up.

Dr. Cullen is thrilled about all the cash his boy is making. He pats him on the back,
promises to check him for mono later. Carlisle laughs at himself, slaps his knee and
tells Edward that he is just kidding. That's until Bella Swan steps up to the booth.
No one is laughing anymore.

Dr. Cullen leaves Edward in the trenches, exchanging the full cash bucket for an
empty one and splitting. I wouldn't do that to my boy, I have his back.

"Hey, Bella," Edward says, holding the bucket out for her. She slips in a twenty.

That was my idea, bitch.

"Hi, Edward." Bella looks good, she always has. She isn't sultry sexy like Alice, but
I'll fake you out with my school girl smile, pretty. Edward digs that shit.

I watch as Edward reaches forward and kisses Bella on the cheek. She giggles,
and touches the spot he kissed before she quietly walks away. I don't trust it though.
Bella is full of tricks; a legitimate stage five clinger. That was much too easy.

"She'll be back," I say, watching her disappear into the crowd.

"I know." Edward quivers.

Business slowed down as it became later. It got cold, but most of us are used to it
and stayed. Edward and I ate some food, drank some soda. He kissed and got kissed,
waiting patiently for Bella to come back. There is no question about if she would
return; it was all about when she would.

His mom came through the line like seventeen times. Which is silly because
instead of giving him all the mommy kisses at one time, she would pay a dollar, kiss
- 203 -
him on the cheek and then go back to the end of the line and do it all over again. I
was right about Tina, though. I saw her glaring at Edward and me, but as soon as
she caught me looking back, she turned away. She must have made it a point to stay
away too because she sent her kissing money with Edward's mom.

Between kissing for the booth, and after eating, Edward and I sit back and talk
about how cool rockets are and how when we move to California, we're going to buy
one.

"Are they legal to set off in California?" I ask, devouring my funnel cake.

"I don't know, I bet we can in Mexico though."

We both nod.

"Hi, Edward." Lauren's voice grabs our attention. She stands at the opening of the
booth, holding a single dollar bill. "Can I get a kiss?"

"Sure, Lauren." Edward stands up, wiping his hands off and holding the bucket out
for her.

Lauren smiles, tucking her hair behind her ear and leaning her cheek forward.
Edward kisses her cheek and they both laugh afterward. She thanks him and walks
away all giggly. It's cute.

Whats not cute is the snarl Isabella Swan gives when she walks back up to the
booth.

"I saw you kiss her," Bella says, arms crossed over her chest, Alice at her side.

"So." Edward shrugs, picking off another piece of my funnel cake.

"So, don't," Bella scoffs.

"Why not? You're not his girlfriend, Bella." I laugh, licking the powdered sugar off
my fingers.

"Jazzy, stay out of their drama." Alice laughs, rolling her eyes like 'here we go
again'.

"There isn't any drama, Al." I share a look with Edward, who looks really annoyed
with Bella.
- 204 -
 "Just don't kiss her again, Edward," Bella snaps.

"Ummm, I will if I want to because this is a kissing booth, and if she pays, I kiss."

"Oh, yeah?" Bella asks.

"Yeah," Edward answers.

"Fine." She pulls out her wallet and starts dropping dollar bills into his bucket.
"You want money, here's money."

Edward is looking at me with a raised eyebrow. He looks scared, and if I'm being
completely honest, so am I. My first thought is to call the Chief of Police over, but
that's Bella's dad and it would probably end up backfiring in our faces. I can have
Dr. Cullen sedate her, but the Chief might be upset. I could hit her, but I don't hit
girls so I push Edward out of the way and kiss Bella Swan on the lips.

She screams.

"Sorry, it was time for me and Edward to change shifts." I tell her, trying my best
not to start laughing in her face.

"You're a fucking liar!" Bella crazy-girl screams.

I hold my hands up in surrender and hide behind Edward. I ask him if she was
always this crazy, and he swears she wasn't.

Now, Bella is pissed because she didn't get a kiss from Edward, and Alice is pissed
because I kissed her friend. Bella keeps dropping dollars into the bucket, and I'm
starting to believe she has a never ending supply in her wallet.

"Dude, help," Edward whispers.

I know exactly what I have to do, doesn't mean I want to do it though. This will
only complicate shit and probably get me in a lot of trouble. But, I have a twenty
dollar bill burning a hole in my pocket and a boyfriend that needs saving.

.
- 205 -
 Edward

I swear on my funnel cake the theme music for Rocky is playing as Jasper pulls out
his twenty-dollar bill. He takes a deep breath, walking around the kissing booth and
politely asking Bella and Alice to move out of his way. I have a mouth full of cake; I
swallow that shit and start to sweat some.

Bella and Alice look a little alarmed, but Jasper is determined, chuckling the -don't
fuck with my truth- chuckle. This place is about to be in for some kind of show.

Am I ready for this?

I guess I don't have a fucking choice do I?

It feels like the entire place has gone silent and every pair of eyes here are stuck
on Jasper and me. I'm on one side of the booth, he is on the other, and the world is
spinning all around us to the Rocky theme music. Fitting.

Jasper slams his twenty down on the both. His eyes meet mine; he licks his lips,
and I lick mine. I'm pretty sure Alice just asked one of us what the fuck is going on,
but we ignore her.

Jazz and I gravitate towards one another until our faces are so fucking close that I
can feel his breath on my wet lips.

"Ready for this?" he asks.

"Yeah," I breathe.

I mean, I guess so. What the fuck!

I close my eyes, waiting for this to be over. Waiting for Jasper to kiss me. I want
him to kiss me, this just seems so bold, so sudden.

And I was right, because when Jasper is taking way too fucking long, I open my
eyes. I open my eyes just in time to see Jasper bring his fist back and watch it come
at me.

I feel it make contact with my forehead.

Then everything is black.

- 206 -
 But at least Bella is gone.

"Edward, wake the fuck up."

Of course it's Jasper's voice I hear first. I'm on the brink of death, floating
in-between heaven and earth.

"Don't be so fucking dramatic, you pussy, you're not dying."

"Jasper!" My mom yells. "Watch your language."

"Sorry, Esme."

"Edward, open your eyes." My dad must be shining a flashlight in my face because
my eyelids are turning red.

I will not be opening my eyes if I'm going to be blinded by his flashlight.

"Great, he's dead." Jasper laughs, kicking my leg.

"Jasper! Did you join some kind of hooligan gang? What has gotten into you?" My
mom sounds like she's crying, I should open my eyes.

When I do, Jasper winks at me. I stand, then I tackle him and we're wrestling in
the parking lot at the hospital in front of the entire fundraiser. Between pulling hair,
biting shoulders, and punching stomachs, Jasper whispers in my ear, "Lets get out of
here."

Yeah, let's.

I act hurt again. Too hurt to do any more kissing. Dad understands. Mom says she
will be home in a few hours. Tina gives us the evil eye. But we're out.

We barely make it through the front door before my jeans are unzipped and my
dick is out. That is some tricky business, having my dick hanging between my
zipper, but having my piece slip into Jasper's mouth makes up for the danger of
- 207 -
getting some skin stuck for sure.

I lie back on the stairs, head back, eyes closed. He is fucking magic at this shit.
Gripping at the right place, applying just the right amount of pressure and he takes
all of me. So fucking good.

This is the good part, when I can just forget the bullshit and just be.

I place my hand on the side of Jasper's head, slowly guiding his way back and
forth. I love to see his lips around my cock it's sexy as fuck. The heavy look in his
eyes, the redness in his cheeks, I'm into it, I'm into this.

I'm into him.

What I'm not into is my mom coming home when she said she wouldn't be here for
a couple of hours.

Can't we catch a fucking break?

I don't think Jasper is aware that my mom just pulled up into the driveway because
he is still sucking like his life depends on it, and I'm not necessarily complaining. My
dick is sort of confused. It wants to go soft because it's aware of my mother's
proximity but it stays hard because Jasper is a fucking champ.

"Jazz, my mom," I whisper.

Our eyes meet, the distinct sound of a door opening echoes through out the living
room. Mom tells me she's home; luckily, all the lights are out so she can't see Jasper
and I trying to get ourselves back together. Unfortunately, Jasper has swollen lips
and I'm still zipping up my jeans when the light flips on.

We're caught like Hugh Grant and a Hooker.

Jasper is the hooker of course.

"What's going on?" My mom asks, holding a flashlight and a bottle of vodka?

"Mom, where did you get the vodka?" I ask, trying to defuse the situation.

I step forward towards my mom, but Jasper grabs my wrist and shakes his head
'no' at me.

- 208 -
 "I ummm ... I found it." She's shaking her head, blinking a lot.

"Mom," I sigh, running my hand through my hair.

The door is open, and my mom is out and running before anyone can say another
word. Jasper and I take off after her, but she's fast. I'm calling out to her, she's
telling me to go away. Crying.

"Mom, let me explain."

"No!" she yells, running with her flashlight and bottle of vodka.

"Edward, let her go."

I ignore him and keep running, he follows, and eventually I catch up to my mom.
She isn't much of a runner; she didn't even make it down the dirt road.

She's breathing hard; I grab her jacket and hug her.

"Oh my," she says over and over. "My son, he's a fagot!"

This makes Jasper laugh. "I didn't know she had it in her."

"Edward." Mom looks up at me with glossy eyes. "Are you gay?"

I have to think about this for a moment

Twat ... Twat twat twat

Jasper is smiling, shrugging his shoulders.

Twat twat Come on, dick, twitch! Twat twat twat

Nothing.

Shit.

- 209 -
 Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Edward

In the woods with Jasper and my ma, was not the place I imagined myself dealing
with this sort of shit. Then again, why am I even fucking surprised? Did I really think
that Jasper and I would just get away with this? Not that it's anyone's business, but
this is my mom; my sweet, unknowing and ignorant mom. The idea that her son
might be foolin' around with another boy has sent her carefully constructed world
crumbling down.

My mother isn't very accepting of change and kinks in her perfect vision of how
people and society work. She is very black and white: Boy meets girl, they get
married, have children, and grow old together in Forks. My brother had already
warped her emotional state of mind by moving to Boston, but he has promises of
coming back. I don't doubt that he will. I would pretty much bet on Emmett moving
back into town and marrying Rosalie. Nothing would make mom happier.

Here I am, breaking her spirit. Giving her reason to question everything she
believes in by moving to California and being involved in a same sex relationship.

I use the term, relationship, very fucking lightly.

I also use the terms, same sex, lightly. Jasper and those fucking highlights are
killing me.

The yellow light from her flashlight crosses my face once, twice, three times. "Are
you high, Edward? Is that what this is all about?" She checks Jasper. He only smiles.

"No, Mom, we're not high."

"Then what!" She jumps and yells; her vodka bottle spills liquid onto the muddy
ground. She jab, jab, jabs her finger into my chest. "I don't understand what I just
walked in on."

- 210 -
 I take a few steps back from her jabbing finger. Jasper makes a move, going in for
the vodka bottle but my mom notices and spins away. Her flashlight is waving back
and forth, she has the vodka bottle tipped upside down in her mouth, and when she
is done breathing like a dragon from the burn, she cries loudly and accuses us of not
loving her anymore. She then accuses of us joining some sort of twisted gay gang.

She's led a sheltered life.

"Mom, we're not in a gang. And we're not gay" I trail off, chasing my mom
around in the mud. I could catch her if I wanted to, but something tells me that
maybe it's time that she realizes that life isn't so simple.

She stops running, pointing her flashlight in Jasper's face. He squints but doesn't
turn away; ready to take whatever it is she is going to say. "Your Mom told me she
thought there was something up with you and Edward. She said that you guys we're
acting strange. She said she caught you kissing."

Jasper's eyes soften; he looks away and blows out a deep breath. "What do you
want me to tell you, Esme?"

My mom is a sucker. Jasper is playing his part, on the verge of tears, heartbroken
and quivering. Look a little closer; he's softening my mom up. She's an easy target,
always willing to set her feelings aside for another person. I can see her
defensiveness falling as she tells Jasper she only wants the truth, she only wants to
understand.

Jasper actually lets a real tear fall, but his hand is pointing towards the vodka
bottle the entire time. I'm careful not to make a sound as I sneak up being my mom.
It's clear that her small frame is trembling, and that she is upset, and thankfully
more concerned about Jazz than herself. She is asking a second time about gay
gangs and cults, and I snag the vodka bottle from her unsuspecting hands. Jasper
takes the flashlight and apologizes before running to be beside me.

Instead of yelling at us, instead of crying or throwing out any more accusations,
she only shakes her head and begins to walk back towards the house.

I would have preferred the yelling because her disapproval and obvious
disappointment kills. I step forward to follow her but Jasper grabs my wrist and
keeps me with him. I pull my hand back and motion to follow her again, this time
Jasper pulls me back by the back of my shirt.

"Give her some time, Edward," he says, taking the vodka bottle from my hand and
- 211 -
taking a drink.

I stand in the middle of the muddy driveway, running my hand through my hair.
My anxiety is all over the fucking place, my mind is racing and if I'm being
completely fucking honest, my heart hurts some.

"You don't have to tell her the truth. She'll believe anything you say," Jasper
speaks up, nudging my arm with the booze.

I take the bottle, swallowing a good swig. He's right. I could go into my house and
swear, promise and vow that nothing is going on between Jasper and me. I could tell
her that Tina is wrong, and that she didn't see us kissing. I could tell my mother that
the sky is fucking pink and she would accept every world I say and then defend me
against anyone who said any different.

"I don't think I can lie to her," I whisper, avoiding Jasper's stare.

A heavy silence settles between us. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Granted there are worse things to deal with, and in perspective, my confusion on
whom to fucking love might seem small, but for me, this is huge. This is my life. It's
ironic how the smallest actions can alter your life in the biggest way. I kissed a boy,
does that mean I'm gay? I've been asking myself this same question for over a month
and I still don't have a fucking answer.

I can walk away from him. I can break this off, tell him to forget it ever happened,
and we can try to go back to being boys. I'll go lie to my mom, make more promises
about spending inconsequential holidays with her, and spend the next few nights
pretending that I don't miss the fuck out of Jasper. My mom would go on believing
that nothing has changed since the 1930's and I'll still be her Incredible Kid.

I can do that. It would be so fucking easy.

"You look like a pussy." Jasper throws a stick at my head.

I have every intention of kicking him in the balls, but the look he gives me as soon
as I catch his eyes is a little bit sad, even for me. Even if that does sound really
fucking fruity. It's almost like he knew what I was thinking about stupid fucking
best friend turned boyfriend, whatever the fuck!

"Shut up, Jasper." I throw the stick back and hit him in the shoulder.

Jasper mumbles that I toss like a girl before picking up a rock and throwing it,
- 212 -
hitting me between the eyes. It isn't a very large rock, in fact it was probably just
some dried up mud, but it's enough to distract me from my sulking mother. I chase,
he runs, and we laugh. I grab, he falls, and we roll.

I don't want to hurt him. He did throw a rock at my head, but he was only trying to
sidetrack me from the current bullshit we are buried in. I pin Jasper to the ground;
he is still laughing and trying his best to get out from under me, but it is no use, I'm
stronger.

He pulls on my shirt, rips the neck. I grab a hold of his wrists and pin them to the
ground, then I do the gayest thing I have ever done in my entire life.

I blow a raspberry on his neck.

I don't know why I didn't do something cool like bite him, or spit on his eyes. I
could have head-butted him in the grill or held his arms down with my knees and
poked him in the chest with my finger over and over and over until he begged for
mercy. But no, I give him a fucking raspberry like some fucking queer.

Jasper thinks it's funny. He's laughing like a fool, kicking his legs and fighting
against the hold I have on his wrists. "Stop! Edward, stop!"

And because I've already done it once, I do it twice. Then, just to be safe, I punch
him in the chest for the sake of my manhood. Now I run. It doesn't take Jasper long
to catch me. I'm laughing too hard to run normally. When he does, he spins me by
my shirt and throws me up against a tree. We're both struggling to breathe; cold air
rushing in and out of our lungs.

I don't look at him. No fucking way. I feel the mood shifting and the heavy
returning. He's staring at me, holding me against the tree by two handfuls of my
shirt. I feel like giving up. I just have decided on what giving up on Jasper or on
everything I thought was right.

He leans his forehead against my cheek. Catching his breath, he inhales deeply
and exhales sharply. "What are you going to do, Edward?"

It's a heavy question. "I don't know," I tell him honestly.

"Do you want to know what I think?"

I laugh, but not because anything is funny, but because I'm tired of having this
conversation. I'm tired of thinking. I just want shit to be simple, like it used to be.
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"Not really."

"I think you should go into your house and lie to your mom. Tell her everything she
wants to hear. Repeat yourself until she believes you, until you believe yourself." He
pushes himself off me while letting go of my shirt and running his hand through his
hair before he turns and walks away.

I stand there, at my stupid tree like an idiot watching him walk away. I do nothing,
and I feel like shit. "Why am I the bad guy?" I yell, taking a few steps forward.

Jasper stops, but he doesn't turn around. "You're not."

I take a few more steps in his direction, closing the distance between us. "Then
why are you mad, Jazz?"

This time he turns. "Let's not worry about this anymore. It's late."

Cryptic Jasper is lame. "You're going home? So I can deal with this on my own?" I
finally catch up to him. I can tell by his face that he's upset, that he's mad.

"What do you want me to do, Edward? Tell me, please. This back and forth shit, it
has to stop. I can't keep up anymore." He stops to take a deep breathe, turning away
from me with his arms up and his hands laced behind his head. "I'm in this shit, too."

"Then why are you leaving?"

He drops his hands and looks up at the sky, laughing. Again, it is not a comical
laugh but an 'I hate your fucking guts' type of laugh. "Because, I can see it all over
your fucking face, Edward!" he yells, stepping up to me. "You want out. Fine. We're
done. Let's just make this easy."

I roll my eyes, smiling. "Don't be so dramatic, you sound like a chick."

"Fuck you. Whatever. You're on your own." Jasper takes the time to push me
before walking away from me again.

"You're the one leaving me, Jasper. Remember that tomorrow," I call out.

"You dumb motherfucker!" Jasper screams. It scares me and I jump. He is such a

girl. "My mom knows too, you know? You don't see me acting like some sissy bitch.
Grow a pair, Edward. This is just the beginning, this is nothing compared to the shit
we will have to deal with."
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 We can avoid it all if we stop now, I think. But I don't feel like that's the right
decision.

"Wait until our brother's find out, or our friends," he continues. "You saw how
Mike acted the other night. Do you think that will be any different for us, because it
won't be. It'll be worse."

"I know that," I answer, trying to keep my voice even.

"Then man the fuck up and deal with it." He's lowered his voice, not as upset as he
was just a minute before.

"Fine," I say. Decided.

"Fine." He walks towards me, past me. "Let's go to bed. I'm fucking tired."

I follow behind Jasper as he walks around towards the back of my house. We don't
speak; I don't even look at him. I follow the sound of his feet and keep my head
down while I try to wrap my head around all of this.

If I admit the truth to my mother, there's no going back. She's isn't one to keep a
secret, especially from my dad. If I tell her, she'll tell him. How long until Emmett
finds out? I don't even want to think about how he'll take the news. He and I have
never exactly openly voiced our opinions on gay men. I can only picture him having
an extreme reaction.

Extremely accepting, or extremely non-accepting; he could go either way.

My mom will love me no matter what. So will my dad, I think. I don't know.

Jasper opens the back door, he leaves it open for me. I step inside; my house is
dark and quiet. He passes by the fridge, takes a water and heads upstairs without
even acknowledging my presence. I decide to chill in the kitchen for a while. I need
some fucking space and a little alone time to think. So I call Jasper a bitch as he
stomps his way upstairs.

"Fuck you," he answers, and I know we're okay..

I pull down the Cheerios because I ate all of the Captain Crunch this morning. I
pour them into a bowl, add some milk and a shit load of sugar before sitting down at
the table and eating. I stare at the wall the entire time, but my mind won't fucking
stop. I can't exactly picture myself moving to California and introducing Jasper as
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my boyfriend. Am I willing to give up everything to be with him? Are we even there
yet? I'm eighteen for fucks sake, but should I go into this relationship knowing that
one day it's going to end because I eventually want a family? A wife, kids, dogs, and
all of that bullshit?

Am I willing to lose all of my family and friends? Should I even be worrying about
this shit? Maybe my mom can keep a secret. There is always the chance of Jasper
and I moving and naturally growing out of whatever the hell this is between us. We'll
live a couple of hours away from one another; we won't see each other everyday
every week. We might not even speak daily. This might just blow over and one day
we'll look back and give each other dirty looks while we remember that weird month
where we experimented with our sexuality.

I know it's more than that.

My dick still twitches some when think about sleeping with a girl, and there have
been a few times when I've really fucking missed it but shit is different now. I'm
different. I guess I should stop crying over my Cheerios and deal with it. Because
let's be fucking honest, my dick doesn't twitch the same as it used to; not over pussy
anyways.

"Hey, Edward."

"Ah!" My dad's voice scares me out of my thoughts, causing me to spill my cereal

all over the table. "Shit, Dad, you scared me." I grab a towel, throwing it over the
spilled milk.

"Everything okay?" he asks, setting a stack of papers and some other shit from
work on the counter.

"Yep, everything is fine. Just thinking."

"About moving?"

"Sure," I agree just to get him off my back.

Dad clears his throat, and there is no doubt in my mind that he is preparing
himself for some epic type of father-son speech about how moving out of the house
only brings me closer to becoming a grown man. I got the same kind of talk when I
grew hair on my balls, had my first girlfriend, and when he found out I had sex for
the first time. I also got a man-to-man talk when I started kindergarten, walked in on
him and mom "hugging", and when I found a Playboy under his bathroom sink a year
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ago. "Well, you know, son, moving out of the house is a big deal" he starts, but I
stop him.

"Dad, not now, please." I dump my cereal bowl into the sink and stick my hands
into my pockets.

He nods, excusing me from the kitchen. I take the stairs up to my room two and
three at a time. The room smells like soap and my shampoo. The TV is on; Jasper is
in bed, his foot hanging off the side.

He has his socks on. Boxers. That's all.

"Hey," I mumble, making a b-line for the bathroom.

My shower is quick; I wash my hair, my body and brush my teeth before getting
out and putting on a pair of pajama pants. I didn't grab any socks before I came into
the bathroom so unless I want to put on my dirty ones, I'm going barefoot.

When I open the bathroom door Jasper is sitting back against my headboard with
one hand behind his head and the other on the remote control. He looks at me and
smiles before returning his attention back toward the TV.

I get into my side of the bed, lying on the very edge. I don't know what the fuck he
is watching but it looks lame. I try to take the remote from him, but he pulls it away
and hides it under the blankets.

"You watch the stupidest shit," I laugh, making myself comfortable.

Jasper turns to face me. "You're fucking crazy. Did you not just see Max drop
Kirstie Alley?

"I guess. I thought it was part of the dance."

"You're wrong. Dancing with the Stars is awesome." Jasper turns it up. I close my
eyes and give up on the day.

I'll never understand him.

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 .

The first time I open my eyes my room is completely dark with the exception of the
glowing blue light from my alarm clock telling the time: 2 a.m. The TV is off, and
Jasper is snoring lightly while sleeping on his stomach. His face is turned away from
me but his arm his lying over my stomach. I don't remember him being this close
when I fell asleep.

2:45 a. m: I'm definitely being spooned.

3:00 a. m: I try to push him off me; his body is heavy and hot. He mumbles, "Stop
it," and pulls me closer. I'm too tired to fight so I kick off the blankets; I'm a little
cooler, but he's still heavy as fuck.

I don't know what time it is but I'm awake, and this time so is Jasper. His hands
are on my hips and his lips are on the back of my neck. I keep my eyes closed and
focus on how fucking warm his skin is and how good it feels.

"Are you awake?" he asks, his voice low and thick.

"Yeah," I answer, moving my head to the side as Jasper's tongue makes its way up
toward my ear. He bites my ear lobe and laughs when I gasp. "Turn around," he
says, sitting up on his knees.

I roll over onto my back, my eyes taking a while to adjust to the dark. I can make
out the silhouette of his body, and I watch him pull his boxers down towards his
knees. I run my hand through my hair, convincing myself that this is okay - nothing
new.

Jasper places a hand on each side of my head, leaning down and kissing the corner
of my mouth. I can feel his erection pressed against my thigh. This time I don't have
a joke ready about how big his dick is or whether or not this makes us gay. After I've
accepted this is what I like what I want, all I can think about is having him touch
me. It seems urgent; I want him. I want him fucking hard.

"Are you okay?" he asks breathlessly, leaning his forehead against mine.
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 It's so fucking intimate, so fucking close I'm on the brink of checking out, but I
make myself stay. I make myself shut the fuck up and keep calm.

Because, fuck it, I choose Jasper.

I grab a hold of his hair and groan in his face. "Fuck!" I hiss through clenched
teeth, my hands shaking.

Instead of answering, Jasper covers my mouth with his and presses his tongue
against my lips until I open. I'm still pulling his hair, and I know it has to hurt, but
he doesn't stop kissing me, he only makes it deeper.

Our teeth bang and our tongues linger and slide. Jasper sucks on my bottom lip,
and bites my top until I let go of his hair. I grab onto my bed sheets with my left
hand and I wrap my fingers around his cock with my right. Jasper takes the air right
out of my lungs, trying his best to kiss me as I slowly stroke him back and forth.

He drops down onto one elbow, his cheek falls flat against my shoulder. Heavy
breathing and whispered swearing goes straight to my dick. I'm hard and pressed
against the inside of my flannel pajamas.

"Stop, stop, stop," Jasper begs in my ear, biting the top of my shoulder and
grabbing a fistful of my pillow. In one swift, quick motion, he is back up on his
knees, pulling my hand off him. His head falls back, and breathlessly he whispers,
"Not yet."

I watch his chest as he breathes in and out. Jasper's cock looks like it's ready to
explode. I almost had him I have him.

That's until his hands are in the waist band of my pants and they're on the floor
next to our bed. I'm in his mouth and speechless before I even realized what the
fuck is happening. Now he has me, and I'm nowhere ready to stop him.

His tongue swirls around the head of my penis. His head drops down and I'm in his
throat. I have to pull the pillow over my head to keep quiet; my heartbeat is
pounding in my ears, blood rushing hot through my veins. A chill runs up my arms
and down my spine. I rub the side of Jasper's face, but stop when I can't form a
coherent thought.

My bedroom is on fire; I'm hot, up on my elbows with my head hanging back.

Jasper holds down my hips while his head bobs up and down. The sounds he makes,
the feeling of his lips brushing up and down my cock, the way he only briefly looks
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at me before closing his eyes again, it's so fucking sexy.

I whisper his name and dig the balls of my feet into the mattress when I start to
come. I fall down onto my back and squeeze my eyes shut while Jasper wraps his
hand around the base of my dick and lips around the head.

I come long and hard, right into his mouth, on his lips, a little on his chin. I'm
almost out of breath and breathing hard. Jasper is wiping his mouth off and laughing
at my reaction.

"You're getting so fucking good at that." My forearm is covering my eyes; my

entire body is tingling.

"I don't want to hear that," Jasper half laughs, half scoffs. He lies beside me, his
own chest rising and falling at a rapid pace. His lips are swollen and cheeks are
flushed.

I exhale heavily, sitting up on an elbow and reach over to kiss Jasper on his big
swollen, cum tasting lips. I make it quick, and then I smile, crookedly. "Happy?" I
ask, falling back on my side of the bed.

"Yeah, I'm happy," he whispers with lightness to his tone.

"Good, remember that, because tomorrow everything is going to be fucked up."

"We don't have to tell them, Edward." By, them, he means our mothers, and yeah,
we do.

We're quiet, but I want to forget again. Thinking about my mom was a mood
killer but being with Jasper, just now, I didn't have a single thing on my mind
other than him. I want that back.

I look over at Jasper, he's staring up at the ceiling. I don't know how to initiate sex
in this kind of situation. Every other time Jasper and I have always been caught up
in things. With a girl, it's different. With a girl, with Bella, I would just do it. I can't
do that with Jasper, it feels awkward.

"What are you looking at me like that? You're such a fucking creeper." Jasper
backhands me in the chest.

So much for trying. "Fuck you, Jasper." I get out of bed, taking my pajama pants
with me.
- 220 -
 Jasper sits up; it's hard not to notice that his dick is still hard. I try not to look
while I put my pants back on.

"What? What did I do?" he asks, making fun of me.

"Go fuck yourself," I mumble, heading towards my bedroom door. I'll go sleep with
my fucking mom.

Jasper cups his dick, with a huge smile on his face. He blocks the door and doesn't
let me out. "Get in bed, I'm sorry."

"Get out of my way." Don't look at his peen. Don't look at his peen.

He raises his eyebrows and shakes his head. "I said I was sorry. Don't leave."

It's after five in the morning; I feel a migraine coming on, my life has been flipped
inside out, and Jasper is naked holding his dick wearing only a pair of socks at my
bedroom door. I surrender and turn to go back to bed.

Jasper pushes me there. "You don't have to start a fight every time you want me to
fuck you," he whispers into my ear, pulling my pants down to my knees.

Normally I would say something to defend myself. Tell him to fuck off, or that he is
full of shit, but what he is saying is true.

Jasper is kissing the back of my neck, telling me to relax. He reaches over onto the
nightstand beside my bed, grabbing the bottle of lube.

"I think next time we should get another flavor. I'm tired of strawberry," Jasper
jokes, squeezing some into his hand.

"Jasper, shut the fuck up." I sigh, preparing myself.

He strokes himself with his lubed hand before touching me. It's still as shocking as
it was the very first time. I might never get used to this part. He slides one finger in,
then another. Jasper asks me if I'm okay. I nod but it's hard to catch a full breath.

"Relax," he whispers, kissing the back of my shoulder, working his fingers in and
out.

I can feel his wet cock pressed against my lower back. Our feet are firmly planted
on the floor, my chest pressed against my mattress. Jasper hovers above me, his
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chest touching my upper back. The front of his thighs pressed against the back of
mine. He spreads my legs with his foot, he tries for a third finger but it hurts and he
stops.

I push myself up, the palms of my hands placed flat on the top of my bed. "I'm
ready. I'm ready. I'm ready," I chant over and over.

And I am. My dick is hard and he's driving me fucking insane with his fingers. I
want to feel him, all of him. I have all day.

"Get on the bed," he tells me, slipping his fingers out of my body.

I get into bed, kicking my pants off my ankle. I'm on my hands and knees, my head
hanging down between my shoulders. Jasper is behind me, his dick rubbing back
and forth across my ass while he spreads my knees apart and positions himself
between them. He grips the back of my neck with his hand, pushing my upper body
down until my cheek is flat against my bed sheets.

For a second I feel stupid

That's until I feel him starting to slowly slide into me; then I forget. He's making a
hissing sound, I groan from being stretched, but fuck me if it doesn't feel good.
Slow, slow, slower he pushes until he is all the way inside. I curse, he moans, kissing
the back of my shoulder, pushing himself in incredibly deeper.

Just as slow as he went in, Jasper pulls out. He's promising that he's never had it
so good. "You're so fucking sexy. You feel so good. The best. The fucking best."

After a few slow pumps, my body is ready. We both are. I push up on my hands
and grab onto my headboard. Jasper catches my drift and pushes us closer to the top
of the bed. He reaches around and forces me to turn my head in his direction where
he kisses me and bites on my bottom lip until I taste blood.

I want to touch myself, but I don't. This is going to last. I need to feel every fucked
up, painful, and exciting moment of this.

And just when I think I'm going to explode if he doesn't fuck me, he does, hard and
good. Skin slaps, the bed rocks, we sweat, swear and shake.

"Harder, harder, harder!" I push my hips back into his thrusts. I'm completely
gone lost in this, in this fucking moment of 'so wrong it is right.'

- 222 -
 It doesn't even cross my mind that I'm a disrespectful little prick who is fucking
his boyfriend under his parent's roof. Or that I have a boyfriend for fucks sake! I
want and need this, and I'm not giving it up any time soon; not willingly, anyway.

Jasper hides his face in the bend of my neck. "I'm going to come," he says in a
raspy voice. His hands are over mine, he moves closer, slowing the pace of his
strokes.

I finally touch myself, my entire body lighting up when I do. Jasper and I move in
sync; he moves up, I move down. Our bodies are flush and together we come. I shoot
white liquid all over my headboard; Jasper fills me up. He pushes me up against the
bed and digs deeper with each thrust until he finally exhales and swears that he just
saw stars.

We fall to our sides in a mass of tangled limbs and sweaty bodies. It's so quiet in
my room that is only reminds me of how loud we really were. Fuck it.

"I hate you," I say, slipping under the covers and closing my eyes.

"Good, because I hate you too," Jasper answers; pulling back the covers and
flopping onto his stomach.

When I open my eyes, my room is fully lit and my mom is standing at the end of my
bed with red swollen eyes and indescribable expression on her face. Thankfully
Jasper and I are both covered under the blankets and not touching at all, but now
that she suspects that Jazz and I are fooling around, finding us in bed together
probably affects her differently than it would have a couple of days ago.

Jasper and I have been sleeping in bed together since we were ten years old. But,
yeah, this is different and I immediately feel guilty.

"What are you doing in here, Ma?" I ask, clearing my throat.

"I was looking through your closet."

"For what?" I sit up and rub my face.

- 223 -
 "Ass-less chaps and whips."

I look at her through my fingers, wondering if she is telling the truth. Something
tells me that she is. My mother probably identifies gay people by the ones she sees
on TV. I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks Jasper and I dress up as chicks or
interior decorate during our free time.

"Mom," I groan.

"Tina is on her way over, you and Jasper" She stops and takes a breath, "you
and Jasper need to get out of bed."

I wake up Jazz. We're both dead tired, dragging our feet and complaining about
too much sunlight while we get dressed and brush our teeth. I'm so damn tired that
I'm not nervous about talking to my Mom and Tina. I just want to get it over with
and go back to bed.

Before we leave my bedroom, Jasper pulls on the front of my hair and kisses my
forehead. He tries to smile, but it's more like a yawn. I kick him in the ass as he
walks down the stairs.

My mom and Tina are waiting in the living room for us. Nether one of them look
like they have gotten much sleep in the last few day. I wonder if my mom could have
heard Jasper and me last night. If she did, I'm sorry.

"I need caffeine," I say, ditching the moms and walking into the kitchen. I take a
Coke out of the fridge and chug the entire thing in a few gulps. Jasper is leaning
against the kitchen counter, staring at me with huge eyes.

"Dude," he says.

"What?" I lower the Coke can from my lips.

"Dude," he repeats.

"What?"

Now he's laughing and shaking his head. "You have a huge hicky on your neck."
He points, and reaches forward to touch it.

I cover it with my hand, kicking him in the shin. "Are you serious?"

- 224 -
 He nods, drinking the rest of my Coke and walking out of the kitchen.

Great, just fucking great. I need to tell my mom that I'm a little bit gay with a
hillbilly-ass hicky on my neck. I'm kicking Jasper's ass after my nap.

I run up to my room and put on a hoodie before my mom sees my neck. On my way
out of my room I look at my bed; the sheets are blankets are fucked up. Jasper and I
have clothes all over the floor. His toothbrush is in my bathroom and all his crap is
still in the box to the left.

I shake my head and laugh as I shut the door.

Downstairs Jasper is in front of the TV, not giving my mom or his any attention. He
flips through the TV channels but turns down the volume when he sees that I've
arrived. I sit beside him on the couch, but far enough away that my mom doesn't
freak out.

Tina doesn't waste time; she goes straight in for the kill. "Were you and Jasper
kissing in my kitchen?" she is asking me.

I set my elbows on my knees and my hands in my hair. I nod my head, and don't
bother to look at their reactions.

"How long as this been going on?" she asks.

"A few weeks, a month something like that," Jasper answers.

My mom is sucking in air, probably questioning everything she knows. "Edward,

are you gay?"

I shrug my shoulder. I don't have an answer for that. "I don't know."

"Well, is he your boyfriend?"

Tension is thick and everyone waiting for my answer. I finally say yes so quietly
that I'm not even sure if I said it out loud.

There is a lot of yelling and crying after that. Jasper and I try to explain what
happened, editing heavily. Tina and my mom are left confused and hurt. Neither one
of them says it aloud, but I can tell they don't agree with it, with us. They file it away
with experimentation and assure us that it will change once we move. My mom
blames video games.
- 225 -
 "This would never have happened if it wasn't for that damn X-Box."

We all ignore her.

They don't want anyone else to find out. Jasper agrees not to tell his dad, mom
promises not to tell mine. "We'll, just give you boys some time to figure this out,"
Tina says before she tells us she is going home.

Mom cries for a while longer. I feel bad but this all unfolded as I expected it to. I
never once held expectations of our mothers accepting our situation. I knew they
would be confused, I even expected them to be angry. Change isn't easy to
understand, and news like this it's life changing.

Add guilt on top of everything else I'm already feeling and I only become more
tired. I want to sleep this day away and try again tomorrow. My mom gives us
guarded looks when we get up from the couch but I still want Jasper to sleep beside
me despite what she thinks. I apologize to her, kiss the top of her head and wait for
Jasper to walk past me before following him upstairs.

My feelings for him don't change. I want them to. A big part of me is still fighting
this and everything about it feels wrong. It feels wrong because I have grown up
learning that it's wrong not bad, just not right. I resent Jasper and I wish so badly I
could quit him. As crazy as it sounds, as unsure as I am about everything else, the
only thing I am sure of is that I do feel something for him. Something more than just
friends; something more than lust and sex and if I hold onto that little something.
Maybe, eventually, I'll become okay with everything else.

We're like zombies when we reach my room, each of us falling face first onto the
bed. I'm certain I fall asleep before I actually hit the bed, and I'm dreaming before I
realize I'm sleeping. It's a good sleep, a deep sleep, a much-needed sleep.

I open my eyes, Jasper is still asleep and the alarm clock next to my bed tells me
that it's a quarter to six. I take off my hoodie, strip down to my boxers and manage
to get my socks half way off before I fall back to sleep.

8:17 p.m: Jasper gets up to take a piss. He pulls off one of my socks but gives up
- 226 -
and drops back into bed.

10:33 p.m: I'm definitely being spooned.

Fuck it. I kick off the blankets and go back to sleep.

- 227 -
 Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Edward

"One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war," Jasper and I chant the stupid rhyme
simultaneously.

This was Jasper's idea, not mine. But here I am, in my small one bedroom
apartment, the night before we fly back home, playing Thumb War. It was this or
Tic-Tac-Toe, and if I'm going to participate in these stupid fucking games with Jas, I
might as well be somewhat active. I didn't have time to get my regular thumb
work-outs done at the gym today; two birds, one stone.

Or at least that's how I'm justifying it.

Jasper is making a bunch of sounds; grunts, and other types of noises that suggest
breathing is difficult. I roll my eyes, keeping my thumb back and out of action. He's
trying too hard, and if he were as intelligent as he thinks he is, he would have taken
into consideration how long my fingers are.

"Dude, you're cheating," he struggles to speak, risking his concentration by

making eye contract with me.

"How am I cheating, Jasper?"

"You're not even trying." He sighs, trying his hardest to hook and pin my thumb
with his.

That's not going to fucking happen. Just sayin'.

I jab his thumb with my thumb, smiling crookedly when his eyes grow to twice
their normal size. He gasps and sizes me up; Jasper has figured me out.

"Magic thumbs, motherfucker," I say, laughing. "You don't stand a chance, and if I

- 228 -
were you, I'd quit." I shrug, and fake a yawn just to prove how bored I am with
Jasper's teeny excuse for an extremity. "You have miniature thumbs, how cute."

"Whatever," he says with a sly smile. "You'll be calling my cock magic when I'm
fucking you with it in a minute."

My shoulders tense and my heart skips a beat; I haven't heard Jasper talk like that
since we left forks six months ago and he said it with such confidence. He takes
another look at me, but this time his eyes are guarded and dark.

J and I haven't seen much of each other since we moved to California. Blame it on
circumstance and schedule conflictions, or call it fate - it's just the way shit turned
out. We both say we got too busy for weekend visits and regular phone calls, but I
think we were scared and avoided each other on purpose. In Forks, before we left,
things became really intense, really fast. As soon as the plane landed in our new
home state our friendship became strained.

Before that - the two weeks we had left after our moms found out and before we
left for college, we were inseparable. Despite the dirty looks Tina gave us, and even
though my mom became snoopy and needy, we spent every fucking moment
together. We did normal shit: played video games, went out with our friends
ditched and dodged Alice and Lauren. We fucked a lot. We left out the cuddling and
hand holding, but by definition, we were a couple, I guess.

Our relationship didn't become less difficult because our moms knew; it was the
exact opposite actually. Tina voiced her disapproval on more than one occasion, and
as a result, Jasper hasn't had a good relationship with her since. Because of her,
prior to our move, we stayed clear of Jasper's house most of the time and stayed at
mine. My mom wasn't comfortable with us being together but she wasn't as loud
about her confliction as Tina was. Esme doesn't accept what she doesn't understand,
that's where the snooping came in. I can't remember how many times I caught her
in my room, going through my stuff when J and I were sleeping or when we came
home from somewhere.

Maybe our secret became our bond; keeping each other sane in the days before
we left for California was the link that kept us tied.

Or it could have been the fact that I'm in love with his monster schlong, but I'm
not admitting to that.

Unless he does first, just sayin'.

- 229 -
 It just seems that as soon as my mom put me on the plane with a stack of gay
self-help books, things between Jasper and I were never the same. We both held
such high expectations for California; it was our freedom, so to speak. Neither one
of us wanted to be together, it just was. Since there was no way to escape the other
in Forks, California proved to be the excuse we were looking for.

It was harder than I wanted it to be. I was hoping to regain control of my sexuality
by diving dick first into the first decent vagina that made my dick twitched. I made a
few friends by the time class started and we hung out on the weekends. California
girls did not disappoint; the beauty in these girls is not something we see in Forks.
Suddenly a girl like Alice, who is practically a goddess back home, looks mediocre
(with big huge titties, of course). But even Alice's fake tits are not as good as the one
here in California.

California Girls dig me; I blame the fucked up hair, but they're into it. Blondes,
brunettes even the redheads; they stick to me like fucking glue. These girls and
their tans, their perfect bodies and willingness to fuck. My dick twitched. It just
wasn't the same. They were pretty to look at, and a few of them were even nice, but
I didn't have the same reaction to them as I used to.

The first time I let a girl touch me again, I had been in California for a few weeks;
a couple of buddies and I went down to a local college hangout. We had a brew and
after a few hours, we were surrounded by girls and had our pick of which one we
wanted. There was this brunette, Danni, and she kind of reminded me of Bella
without the whining or the clinginess. I offered her a beer, and by the end of the
night, she and I were tearing off each others clothes.

I'll never fucking forget this, but I pushed her down on my bed and fell between
her legs. My first thoughts weren't about how I was about to get laid, or how
beautiful Danni was, it was about how wrong she felt; she was small and boney, and
she smelled all wrong. Her breathing was weird.

I mean, it probably wasn't, but up until that point I had only been fucking Jasper. I
was used to his grunts and muscles and bulge. It was so fucking disturbing to feel
her bare foot rub up and down my calf. I was tempted to loan her a pair of my socks
to wear. I wanted to kick her the fuck out of my apartment, tell her to hit the gym,
and maybe even try a cycle of steroids before she called me again. And not because
she was fat, she wasn't, she was too fucking small. That was the problem.

She was too small.

Touching her was odd. Danni has a nice set of tits; a good handful, but they were
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in the fucking way. I never noticed what a hassle boobs are until that moment, and
have you even really taken the time to look at pussy? What is there to hide? What
the fuck is really going on, girls?

Boys, our dicks hang. Everything we have swings between our legs. But girls, your
bits are tucked inside, with the exception of your clit, but that thing is just bizarre.

She spread her legs and she was moaning all loud; my dick was hard, but I've
figured out pretty quickly that just about anything will give me an erection, so that
didn't mean much. I remember rubbing my face, taking off my shirt and just staring
at her vagina and being afraid. I don't know if I was waiting for a hand to jump out
of it and grab me, or maybe it would grow teeth and try to eat me, but her beef
curtains were frightening.

Danni was all: "Touch me." But I didn't really want to. Her vagina was making
faces, taunting me. That vagina knew that I had become a switch hitter and it was
making fun of me. Danni's hooha was a bully, and quite-fucking-frankly, I was
intimidated.

I didn't touch her, not down there. I played with her tits for a few seconds before I
rolled over and acted like I had passed out. She tried to wake me up, she even
touched my cock, but I was over it and ready for her to leave. When she did, I called
Jasper. That was one of the few nights our telephone conversations lasted for more
than a few minutes. I told him everything that had happened. He laughed at me,
because lets be fucking real, a vagina with a hand sticking out of it is the shit
nightmares are made of.

"This has got to be the longest game of Thumb War ever, just give up." I'm still
holding my thumb back and Jasper is still in for a fight.

"Nope," he says, wiggling his thumb. "I got this."

Being turned off by Danni's honey pot was disturbing, so disturbing that the next
day at school I made a decision: If I was really gay, I would figure this shit out and
deal with it. In California gay people are a part of normal life, so I see them all of the
time, and they aren't as stereotypical as I thought. Some of them look so normal.
They're treated differently, especially if they're flamboyantly gay, but for the most
part they're just people. But I still couldn't see myself being categorized as gay.

That day in class, I looked around at the other students and tried to find the best
looking one. To my relief, girls were still easy on the eyes and I could still picture
myself fucking a few of them. But up front, there was this guy, Drew. He resembled
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Jasper, so I chose him for my experiment. All through out class I checked this dude
out; I tried to picture him naked I envisioned kissing him, touching him, and I
wondered what his sock drawer looked like.

It all grossed me the fuck out.

The thought of that guy's cock anywhere near or around my body wigged me the
fuck out. It freaked me out so badly, I got up from my seat and left. I dropped that
class and never went near Drew again. The idea of his bare foot rubbing down my
calf made me puke, and I didn't give a fuck what his sock drawer looked like. I bet
his cock had teeth; all around the dick hole was a set of razor sharp teeth ready and
willing to cut through my flesh.

So, I'm not gay.

But I had a problem, that was for sure.

I called Jasper again, we spoke for a few minutes and I told him my theory about
Drew's dental clad cock. He laughed.

I gave up after that; I was broken and convinced that teeth grew in places they
weren't supposed to, my best friend was being distant, and I wanted to go home.
But, I stuck through it. I made up my mind and dedicated myself to my schoolwork
and stayed away from sexual activity. It wasn't how I saw myself spending my
college years, but until I got myself figured out it was the way it had to go down.

And it worked, a week went by. Then two and three. A month. Two months. Jasper
and I still kept in contact, we always knew where the other person was or what they
were doing, but like I said, it wasn't the same. He did his thing in San Diego and I
did mine in L. A., and we eventually grew apart.

Just like his mom said we would.

"Dude, if we don't get this show on the fucking roll, I'm not going to have enough
time to do you." Jasper laughs, still struggling to win this game.

"Don't talk to me like that, Jasper." I jab him with my thumb, reminding him who
has control. "And we have all night," I add quietly.

I had more or less come to terms with the fact that Jasper and I just weren't going
to be together anymore. It was apparent we gave up on any kind of relationship the
moment the airplane landed in California, but up until last week I thought I had lost
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my best friend, too. I have other friends here, they're cool. I kiss girls every once in
a while, and they don't call me fag, but they're just whatever. My California friends
don't know shit about me. They never rode bikes through the mud with me when I
was ten, or cried when I got my eyes fixed. They never jumped off a log and cracked
their heads on a tree either. There is no history. But I guess that's what starting over
is all about: a clean slate.

When my mom called me asking if I was coming home for Incredible Kid day,
because I had promised her I would, I couldn't say no. I didn't want to say no. I
missed my mom, I missed my bed - and a small (big), part of me wanted my old life
back.

On a whim, I called Jas, asked if he wanted to fly home together for the weekend
and he agreed. Now he's here, and we're playing Thumb War. Go fucking figure.

It had only been six months since I have last seen him, he looks completely
different but utterly the same. His hair is still cut in a fauxhawk, and he's still
getting those queer highlights. Jasper has leaned out, gotten some size in his arms
and shoulders. Maybe he got a tan, I don't fucking know - but he looks good. Better
than anything I've seen around here in a while, and I know for a fact his monster
cock doesn't have teeth. Although, if it did, it wouldn't surprise me. Jasper's
schlong-head is so big, I'm almost positive it has a brain, a face, lips, and maybe
some ears. Teeth would be the least awkward of his - snort- dick face.

After arriving, he stood in my living room with his backpack on for at least an
hour. Black slim-straight jeans, white v-neck, and all black chucks yeah, Jasper
looked fucking good. But he was being all weird and stiff, so I threw a pillow at his
head and told him to chill the fuck out.

Just like that, shit was back to normal.

So fucking normal that he didn't have a problem taking my remote control, forcing
me to watch American Idol with him.

It was summer all over again, and I was into it.

Somewhere between Steven Tyler checking out Ryan Seacrest, and Randy Jackson
scoping out Jennifer Lopez's tits, Jasper moved closer to me. A little closer - a little
closer a little fucking closer, until our thighs were touching. For the first time
since I moved here, I felt something. My cheeks flushed, my dick hardened, and my
blood pumped. It felt great it feels great.

- 233 -
 If only we can get past this stupid Thumb War game and onto the fucking, then I'll
feel amazing.

I have a lot I want to ask him, I guess. I was honest about my close encounters
with the other kind right after I almost dove into the teeth pit, but he hasn't
mentioned anything to me about fooling around with anyone. I feel lame asking. I
don't want this to be like that, but I'm still confused; already accepting it's probably
going to be this way for a long, long time.

But he would tell me if he fucked someone, right? Because we're still best friends,
and now he's here playing Thumb War, ready to fuck me.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Edward," Jasper asks, a small smile on his
lips.

Suddenly, I'm livid. He wants to keep secrets. Oh, hell no. "Did you fuck her?"

His thumb freezes and his eyebrows scrunch. I'm aware that I sound like a stage
five clinger, but it just came out! I swear.

"Ummm fuck who, again? What are we talking about; I thought we were playing
Thumb War?"

With my free hand, I grab Jasper by the neck of his v-neck and pull his face closer
to mine. "In San Diego, did you fuck her?" It never crosses my mind to ask J, if he
fucked him. Because, well, I knew he hadn't. Jasper is in the same boat as me; I
know he put himself in the same situation I did without him even having to tell me
so.

"Edward." He sighs, looking around the room before making eye contact with me
again. He is quiet for a moment, before his face hardens and his shoulders stiffen.
"No," he says firmly. "I didn't." I let go of his shirt, but never let go of his hand. "Her
vagina had eyes, and it was looking at me funny," he mumbles, straightening out his
shirt with his free hand.

We both start laughing; we're fucking crazy. I'm laughing, Jasper is laughing - ha,
ha, ha - then he tricks me! In a brief moment of weakness, my thumb slacks and
Jasper goes in for the kill. His eyes are wide and his thumb is strong. I struggle to
release his hold, but it's to no use. I've lost.

"Remember that one time we humped in the bathroom at that strip club?" Jasper
asks, keeping his hold on my thumb.
- 234 -
 It's weird how openly Jasper can talk about this shit. "Yeah, Jazz, I remember."

He smiles brightly, and I mean brightly in the least gay way possible, but Jasper's
smile is fucking bright. "Well, this isn't going to be anything like that." He lets go of
my hand and moves forward until I think he's going to kiss me, but instead he places
his lips beside my ear. "I've missed you, Edward."

"How is this so easy for you?" I ask, breathing becoming difficult.

He laughs, kissing the corner of my mouth before letting go of my hand and sitting
back against the couch. "It is what it is, Edward. I'm tired of fighting. I've been tired.
I like you and it's whatever." He shrugs, still trying to find words that fit this type of
situation, but I don't think there are any. "I just don't want to be without you
anymore." His face reddens, and he laughs into his hands. "This is insane."

"Yeah," I say quietly. "Your hair looks gay," I mutter, at a loss for words.

Jasper looks at me with a funny grin and shakes his head. "Are you starting a fight
with me so I'll have sex with you?"

I get up from the couch and open a fucking window. "It's hot in here." I wheeze.
Great, now I'm wheezing. What a pussy.

"Edward, we don't have to."

I'm patting my pockets, looking for the pack of cigarettes I know bought the other
day. I just like to have them, and more times than not they go stale, but right now, I
need one. "Jazz, just shut the fuck up."

"No."

I'm looking through drawers and under books. Where the hell are my smokes?
"Umm, yeah, just be quiet."

"No." He stands up, and he throws a pillow at me. "It's not healthy to harbor pent
up emotion, let it out, Edward. Just let it out."

He's laughing again, but so am I. "You're dumb," I say, finally finding my

cigarettes in a dirty pair of jeans.

"I know. I was just trying to make you laugh." Jasper follows me out onto the
balcony, but he declines his own cigarette.
- 235 -
 He's standing against the glass door, hands in his pockets. I lean over the balcony
edge on my forearms, with my head hanging down between my shoulders. I flick the
ash over the side and take another long hit.

It is, what it is, I think. I'm never going to feel comfortable with this, but now,
more than ever, its obvious that Jasper is it for me. For now, I have to accept this, or
give him up, and I decided a long time ago I don't want that.

"Jazz, it can't be like how it's been," I finally say. "I," - pausing, I take another hit -
"I need you around."

"Okay." His tone is thick; a mixture of the normal anger and confusion, but some
other stuff like acceptance and love maybe. I don't fucking know, what does love
even sound like when you're gay? Which I'm not; not really.

Shut up.

I look over my shoulder, trying not to be bothered. "And pick up your phone every
once in a while."

"Fine," he scoffs, as annoyed as I am.

We stand in silence; I finish my cigarette and take a second to clear my head. If

we're going to do this, we have to be careful. I'm not ready to come out. I don't want
to be that guy, not yet not so soon. I'm only sure that I need him; I need Jasper
and all of the other shit we can figure out along the way.

"If we're going to do this, we're doing it this time. No more backing out. It's all or
nothing," I say, laughing at how stupid I sound.

"Got it," Jasper answers, chuckling at my speech.

I turn and face him; he's still leaned back against the glass. I can see it, him and I
being together. Ten years from now we'll still be beating the shit out of each other,
convinced we're not gay. And when we're old and sitting on our front porch looking
at the grandchildren we never had, I'll crack him in the head with my cane because
that's what we fucking do.

"Why are you smiling?" Jasper asks, pushing himself off the glass.

"Because you're going to be an ugly old man."

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 "What?" he laughs, shaking his head.

"Nothing, Jazz. It's nothing."

"I was sick of strawberry, so I got watermelon." Jasper is holding up a bottle of

lube, like I care. I don't give a shit what flavor it is! Does it have sparkles? He's
going to glitter my ass!

This motherfucker.

"I'm going to glitter your ass," he says with a shrug, squirting a dollop into his
hand.

I will not hit him. I will not hit him.

Jasper rubs the sparking, watermelon flavored lube up and own his cock. He's
going slow on purpose. I haven't had any in a while so I wanted to make this quick,
but Jasper has tuned sentimental in San Diego and wants to take it slow like some
kind of tinker bell fairy.

I'm starting to think that vaginas with faces are a lot easier to deal with.

His head falls back; Jasper is kneeling beside me, almost naked - in socks - with his
boxers bunched up mid-thigh. He's stroking his dick, and it's been a while since I've
seen it. It's as impressive as ever and I'm afraid for my ass. J rubs his thumb over
the head of his dick, hissing when he does. I want to touch him. I really want him to
touch me. We have nothing to hide here; this is my home. No parents, no brothers,
and no surprise show-ups from ex-girlfriends; we can just be.

And I wanna be, right the fuck now.

I reach out, offering Jasper a hand, but he stops me.

"No, don't touch. If you touch me, I'll come. It's been too long," he whimpers,
slowly stoking his erection.

- 237 -
 I lay back and watch; my dick is hard, and seeing him do this to himself is the best
thing I've seen in months and I want in. So, I unbuckle my jeans, unzip my zipper,
and pull out my cock. Jasper takes one look at me and groans, whispering curse
words and pumping just a little quicker.

I grip onto my dick, and with one hand placed behind my head, I begin to stroke
my length. By pump number one, I already know this won't last long it's been to
long. I also know I don't want to come by my own hand, but they way he is looking at
me - he's making me delirious.

"Go a little faster," Jasper whispers.

The sounds of our beating flesh fill the room, followed by shallow breathing and
mumbled sins. My apartment has never been this hot, and suddenly my skin is on
fire. Blood feels like it's boiling in my veins, and my heart wants to beat its way
through my chest. I tug on my cock harder because Jasper asked me to; I grip it
until my knuckles are white and my balls tighten.

"Jazz," I mumble.

"I know. I know," he answers, moving closer to me.

It sounds like he's right beside my head, but he isn't, he's lower down by my hips.
But every single time he fists his cock, it echoes through my ears sending a shock of
want, need, lust and just fuck me!, right through my core.

My wrist moves faster, faster, fastest. Eyes are rolling and teeth are clenching; I'm
going to come, but I don't care. I don't fucking care anymore. I need it. I need to
come so badly it hurts.

And when I'm about to lose it - when I'm about to come, Jasper is there and his
mouth is around me. I cry out at sweet, sweet relief. His mouth is hot and his tongue
is perfect. He bobs his head up and down in even sweeter pulls, and sticky-wet
plunges. I lace my fingers into his hair, moving his head at the perfect pace. My eyes
are closed, and I'm seeing stars. I've missed this. I've missed him so fucking much.
Too much.

Jasper palms my balls, using his teeth as he pulls up on my shaft. I hiss, grunt,
moan, and whimper. I cry out like a little girl and beg him to stop, but please don't
ever, ever stop.

I'm almost there again, I'm about to come and I want to more than before. I want it
- 238 -
so bad tears form in my eyes and my skin tingles. I can't feel my fingers and my lips
ache from biting them so hard. Jasper takes me in his throat, he licks the tip of my
dick, and he grips the base of my cock. I'm a goner. I'm gone. I'm done.

Ready to explode, I grip the sheets and hold on.

But he stops.

And my dick is throbbing, wet and cold.

I can't breathe. I can't catch my breath.

"What the fuck, Jazz?" I manage to ask, just as he's ripping the rest of my clothes
off.

He's between my legs, and I really don't give a fuck. I feel his dick on my stomach
and I can think of another place I would rather it be. "Not like that," Jasper says.
"You're not coming like that."

He grips my leg from beneath my knee and pushes my leg back. I close my eyes,
fight the embarrassment and just do it - just go with it, because I want this.

Jasper is kissing my neck, my lips and my jaw. "Everything is okay. Everything is

just fine," he whispers, comforting me.

I feel vulnerable. I feel stupid, but I feel taken care of. I keep my eyes closed. This
is only Jasper, I think, trying to kiss him back. "Just hurry," I tell him, swallowing
hard.

My dick stands between us, and when I feel Jasper beginning to stretch me where
I want him the most, I touch my self again, but my hand remains still.

It hurts. It hurts like the first time. Jasper tells me to relax and he kisses my knee.
I feel stupid again, but then he pushes in a little more and I forget. A little more - a
little more.

"Half there, baby." Jasper exhales. His chest is heaving and his eyes are rolling.
"So good," he says with a crooked smile.

I open my eyes to see the smile because I've always liked it. Even before any of
this, I was into it.

- 239 -
 He pushes further on my leg, opening me more. I cover my eyes with my forearms,
trying to forget the position I'm currently in. Jasper thrusts his hips harder and
quicker, sliding right in. He laughs a nervous laugh; I blink and try to breathe. I feel
stretched, engorged, intruded on. But it feels, normal. It feels like what I've missed.
It feels like what I need.

Jasper pulls back on his hips, then forward. Back and forward. Back and forward,
until we find a good rhythm. With his hand still beneath my knee, he falls forward
and kisses my lips. He whispers in my ear, "Right here, I've missed right here."

I can't bring myself to wrap my arms around him, I want to - I'm just not there yet.
I keep my grip on the sheets, and bite onto the top of Jasper's shoulder. My dick
rocks between us, throbbing and aching. Jazz reaches between us and touches me,
but it's hard. He is having a hard time touching me and holding my leg back.

He turns me around; I'm on my stomach and Jasper is back inside. "Up, Edward,"
he tells me, and I sit up on my knees. I feel better this way, more comfortable and
equal.

I like when he kisses the side of my neck. I like the sound of our skin touching. I
love his hand around me. With one arm around my stomach, the other hand stroking
my dick. Jasper whispers dirty fucking words in my ear, and makes me feel so, so
good. And I think, this is what it's about, two people who care about each other,
making each other feel nice in a way that only caring people can.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but there isn't any going back from this. And as odd as it
sounds, it looks like I'll be spending the rest of whatever with a dick in my ass. Go
fucking figure.

I might be a little bit gay.

But don't tell anyone.

"Edward, you're walking like you have a stick in your ass."

"I can't help it!" I snap back, trying to straighten out my stride. We landed in
- 240 -
Seattle a few hours ago, rented a car, and just arrived at my parents home. I'm a
little stiff and a little bit sore from last nights activities.

It had been a while, fuck off.

The plane ride didn't help. Neither did the car ride. I just need to walk it off.

Jasper throws his arms over my shoulders and kisses my temple. We haven't been
very touchy; we're still us, still best friends. We just happen to have sex, and may
kind of be into each other, but this doesn't change who we are. I'm not going to
suddenly turn into some fucking tink. I'm still a man. And so is he. I'm comfortable
with it being this way. We have boundaries, and we both respect them, because in
retrospect, it is only the beginning and things haven't even begun to become
difficult.

I want to chill for a while, focus on us and just figuring out a way to make this
work.

My mom on the other hand, she has her own ideas.

"So," Jasper coughs, covering his laugh. "I see your mom has finally come to terms
with your sexuality."

I can't believe what I'm seeing. First off all, my mom drives an eighty-thousand
dollar car, and my dad would be pissed if he saw this shit all over it. Second of all,
what the fuck was she thinking? "Jasper, help me take this shit off"

I rip at the first "Gay Pride" bumper sticker and it comes right off; it's a magnet.
Jasper has a harder time with the window sticker saying "Proud Mom of a Gay Son,"
but the rainbow antenna ornament comes right off.

After all of the gay paraphernalia is trashed, we make our way inside. I thought
the car was embarrassing, it was nothing compared to what we find inside the
house.

"This is fucking classic," Jasper laughs, bending over at the waist and dying at the
hilarity.

It's like the house has been splashed with gay. My mom must have bumped her
head because this is ridiculous. Rainbow decorations, streamers, balloons and signs,
but worst of all is my actual mother, who is in the kitchen making rainbow cupcakes
and dancing to Born this Way.
- 241 -
 "Mom!" I practically stomp my foot.

She doesn't hear me, she just continues to dance, singing her little heart out, "I
was born this way, hey. I was born this way, hey - I'm on the right track, baby, I was
born this way hey!"

I turn the radio off; mom looks around for a second before shrugging her
shoulders and going back to her cupcake. Seriously? She doesn't even know we're in
the kitchen. She needs help.

"Mom!" I yell again, ripping down the multicolored streamers.

"Hey! What are you doing?" she shrieks. I notice she's wearing a "I Support My
Gay Son" t-shirt. "This is your coming out party, aren't you excited?"

Jasper snorts, licking the top of a cupcake.

"Mom, come on," I whine. "No coming out party. Has anyone seen any of this?"

Her shoulders fall and she sighs. "Well, no. I ordered it online. I got you and Jasper
a shirt too. Do you want to see?" Mom holds up these two white t-shirts which say:
Sorry Ladies, I'm With Him with arrows pointing at the other.

I take the shirts from her hands and shove them into my back pack. "Mom, this
was really nice of you to do this, but I'm not coming out" - cringe - "Anytime soon."

Her hands are on her hips, Jasper is still eating cupcakes, and I'm ready to go find
a hole and hide in it.

"Edward, I saw on an episode Dr. Phil that it's not healthy to harbor emotions. It's
better to just come out with it."

"That's what I said!" Jasper agrees with her, mouth full of cake.

"No," I say sternly, taking a bite of Jasper's cupcake. "These are good, through,
Mom."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, Edward, and being gay isn't so bad."

"Oh, thanks," I mumble.

"I watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy re-runs, and Ellen."
- 242 -
 "That's great, Mom." I roll my eyes, taking another bite of Jasper's cupcake.

"I've even got a gay joke for you: How do you make a gay guy scream twice?" She
looking at us, clapping her hands like she's been waiting months to tell us this joke.

Jasper and I share a look, shrugging our shoulder. "I dunno," I finally say.

"You fuck him really hard, then wipe your dick off on his curtains!" She squeals
with excitement, and I've just lost my appetite. "That's funny, right? I found it when I
Googled gay jokes. I'm trying for your sakes, boys."

"Ma," I say.

"Yes."

"I love you."

Mom steps a little closer to Jasper and I. She looks around to make sure no one is
looking and asks, "So, who gives and who takes?"

"Mom!" I'm back to yelling.

"What? I'm just curious. Don't be such a drag, Edward."

"Yeah, just be a queen." Jasper winks at me.

"I mean, you could be worse things, Edward. You could be in a gang," she says,
and I have to just walk away.

Jasper is laughing as I go, taking decorations down as I make my way through the
house. His laugh is nice, and I like hearing it. It does stuff to me. He comes into the
living room and watches TV while I confiscate gay pride stickers from my mom.
We'll eventually have to go over to his house and face his parents, but for right now
it's nice to be able to just be.

"I have another joke," mom says. "What does a gay man have in common with an
ambulance?" We say nothing. "They both get loaded from the rear and go
Whoo-hoo!"

.
- 243 -
 .

Jazz and I spend the day with my mom; we don't touch, we don't kiss, we don't
even acknowledge each other in any kind of odd way. We just are, and I'm cool with
it. We'll eventually go back to school and our conviction will be tested. We'll grow
apart. We'll grow closer. We'll fight and we'll make up. We will try to convince
ourselves that this isn't what we want, but we'll always come back to each other
because we don't have any other choice, and deep down inside we can't stand to be
apart. Jasper and I never had a say in the matter. You don't always get to chose who
you love - like in our case - but we'll always make it work, because vaginas are scary,
boobs get in the way, and other dicks have teeth.

Because he sleeps with his socks on, has highlights, and watches lame reality TV.

Because he's mine and I love him.

Because, baby, I was born this way - hey!

Twitch.

Fin.

- 244 -
 Chapter 14

Outtake

One Year Later

Edward

"What?"

"Edward, quit hanging up on me."

I toss some old books and a few DVDs into a box and kick it across the room.
"What do you want, Jasper?"

He sighs. "Are you done acting like a pussy, because if you would listen to me,
you'll see that this isn't that bad."

"Not that bad? Are you fucking joking me? This is bad, Jazz." I walk over to my bed
and pick up all of the clothes I took off the hangers. I was making room for Jasper,
but it isn't needed anymore.

"What's another month?" he says. It sounds like he's in his car, but he couldn't be,
because he isn't coming anymore.

"You're right; I don't give a shit anymore." I'm lying. I'm pissed, and maybe I'm a
little hurt. Don't tell him that. He's a bastard. He's a liar.

"Edward, baby, my school is in San Diego. I can't just leave because I want to
move in with my boyfriend."

I hate hanging up clothes, so I give up and let the armful of shirts and jeans fall to
the closet floor. The phone is squeezed between my ear and my shoulder, but it slips
and drops on top of the pile of clothes, tipping the edge of my frustration. I'm going
to punch the wall, but I think twice. The last time I did that, I had my hand in a cast
for a few months. But Jasper makes me that upset: wall-punching, hand-breaking

- 245 -
pissed.

I pick up the phone after counting to ten.

"Are you there?" Jasper is laughing. He knows.

"Don't call me baby," I say, pulling my hair, walking out of my bedroom.

"Baby, baby, baby," Jasper mocks, as he chuckles under his breath.

I turn into my kitchen; on the refrigerator are a couple of pictures of Jasper (my
"best-friend") and me. We're still together, or whatever you want to call it. We've
been going steady for a while now. No one knows. We're not that far yet. My mom
knows, his mom knows, and we know. That's it. Jazz still goes to school in San Diego
and I'm still in L.A., but we make it work. He visits. I visit. And when we're not
together, we make good use of our phones. We Skyped once, but looking at him
while we spoke about unimportant bullshit was gay, so we stick to the old-fashioned
landlines.

A couple of months ago we started talking about school transfers and moving in
together. After a few heated arguments and a couple of fist fights (a result of those
arguments), we decided that it would be easier for Jasper to transfer to Los Angeles.
This was supposed to be the weekend he moved in. I guess there was a change of
plans.

Last-minute fucker!

"Fag," I mumble, looking at the pictures of Jasper and me. One of them is from two
weeks ago. I had a party here, at my apartment, and this girl took a picture of Jasper
and me on the couch. He had his arm over my shoulder. We were close, but not so
close. I'm drunk. He's drunk. We're laughing. Jasper is looking at me. And like some
kind of chick, I printed the picture out and put it on my fridge.

"That's not what you we're saying last weekend," Jasper says, finding my bad mood
amusing.

Last weekend he showed up late Friday night. We slept, but all day Saturday, we
fucked. Saturday night we went out with some of kids I go to school with. I've made
a number of friends since I've moved to California. They all know Jasper, and they
know we're hometown-close, but they're clueless as to the true nature of our
relationship. Same goes with Jasper's friends in San Diego. As far as we know, no
one suspects anything. Hopefully it'll stay that way.
- 246 -
 "Don't talk to me about last weekend." I grab a beer out of the fridge and head
toward the living room.

"Remember when you sucked my cock?"

"Jasper, shut the fuck up." I open my beer and blow off the foam before sitting
down on the couch. I don't have any plans tonight. I planned to help Jasper move in,
but now that's a no-go and I'm stuck at home alone. I'll drink until I'm drunk, and
then I can start a real fight with Jasper. I'll break-up with him because he's a
douche-bag.

We can get back together tomorrow.

We do this often.

But we'll never break-up because well, just because.

"Remember when I was nuts-to-butts?"

I choke on my beer. "Jazz!"

"Are you still mad at me?" Jasper asks, his tone still too humorous.

"No."

"Good, because I love you."

This time I really choke. I shoot beer out of my mouth and ugly cough. "What?"

Jasper sounds calm, much too fucking calm. "I love you, you stupid fuck. Now say
it back."

I wipe my mouth off with the back of my wrist. Of course I love him. I've loved him
for a while. Probably since the beginning, but saying out loud is opening up a whole
other door. I'm nicely hidden in my closet of denial, and I'm not sure I'm really for
the "L" word.

I show him love, I guess. I hug him and shit. Sometimes we cuddle. Are the words
really necessary?

Even if they are nice to hear.

- 247 -
 "Edward, I know you're there." He still sounds too chipper for my taste. It not a
secret that Jasper is more comfortable with our situation than I am. He's always
fucking with me. He kissed me in public once. I almost threw up. No one even
noticed, and I think that's why he did it. But sometimes it's as if he isn't afraid to be
outted. It terrifies me. I love him, and I require him, but I'm fucking scared.

But there are times when he shuts down; usually after a conversation with his
mom or something. He's fast to recover, though. And that's where him and I differ.
Neither one of us has yet to come out and say that we're gay, but Jasper is definitely
more open than I am.

To admit that I'm gay makes me gay. My friends won't look at me as just "Edward"
anymore; I'll be forever categorized as "Gay-Edward." Being homosexual is just one
of those commitments I'm not sure I can ever make. Jasper and I cannot remain a
secret forever, but I'm not ready now.

Besides, I still haven't figured out if I'm universally gay or if I just like being with
Jasper. But I'm willing to bet that it's just Jasper. I had never been with a guy before
him, and I don't think I could stomach being with another if we ever split.

Cocks gross me out.

So does stubble.

"Edward, say it back."

"Fuck off."

"You're a bastard, you know that?" he doesn't sound so calm anymore. Then again,
he hung up on me so he doesn't sound like anything.

There is nothing worse than a dial tone.

"Answer your phone!" I yell into the receiver before tossing it across the room. I'm
officially drunk and officially enraged. It's been an hour since Jasper hung up on me,
and now he won't answer his phone. How can I dump him if he won't answer my
- 248 -
calls?

That's not the way this works.

There is not much that is more depressing than being drunk at home by yourself
while you're secret gay-boyfriend ignores your phones calls. I may have hit a new
low, and that pisses off me more than the disregarded calls do.

I pull off my shirt and toss it over my shoulder. I need a cigarette, but I can't find
my pack. I check my dirty jeans, but they're not in there. I check the pockets of the
jeans I wore yesterday, which is dumb because I've smoked since then. I pat my
pockets, but I'm wearing basketball shorts, and I don't have any pockets. I look
under the sink and in the fridge because you never fucking know. Then the phone
rings.

I run toward the phone, which is on the floor beside the front door. "Jazz," I
answer; my heart pounds funny and my chest feels heavy.

Except, it isn't Jasper, it's my mom. "No, it's Mom."

I sit on the floor against the door. "Oh, hey, Mom."

"Did you know that seventy-percent of gay men are born that way?"

"Mom, not now."

"And the other thirty-percent are sucked into it." She laughs. "Get it? Sucked into
it."

"Ma, I'm kind of busy." I pull of my socks because my feet are hot and Jasper isn't
here.

"Okay, one more. Did you hear about the two gay judges?"

She waits for me to answer, so I say, "No."

"The tried each other! Get it, Edward? They tried each other, like they had sex."

She actually makes me smile. "Yeah, Mom, I get it. One more."

"What do you call a gay bar with no stools?" Mom is already laughing at her own
joke.
- 249 -
 "What?"

"A fruit stand!" It takes her a few moments to recover. I laugh at her jokes, but she
really laughs at her jokes. That is the best part about my mother, she isn't proud,
and she has the ability to make fun of herself. I should probably take a few pointers
from her.

"You're funny, Ma."

When she finally stops laughing, Mom catches her breath and says, "How is
Jasper, baby?"

I sigh. "He's fine."

"You should really tell your father that you're gay. You know, you're queer and
we're here."

"Mom," I groan.

"I'm serious, Edward. Your dad will understand."

"I'm not having this conversation with you again." I'm thinking about accidentally
hanging up on her, but there's a knock on the door, so I tell her I have to go.

"Wait, I wanted to talk to you about something."

After another round of knocks on the door, I stand to my feet. "Mom, make it fast,
someone is here." I unlock the deadbolt and wait for my mom to finish before I open
up.

"Gay marriage was just legalized in New York, and I think you should consider
moving there."

I hang up the phone and answer the door.

It's Jasper.

And his things.

By things, I mean, stuff. His bags. His belongings.

He drops his backpack to the ground and says, "Say it back."

- 250 -
 I scoff. "Fuck you."

He looks bothered. I'm glad. He deserves it. He's here.

"Say it back, Edward. Say you love me." Jasper is standing in the doorway. He
looks good. He looks angry.

His dick is hard.

I can see it through his fucking skinny jeans.

I smirk and walk away from the door. I leave it open so he can come in and follow
me. Maybe I want to be followed. Maybe I want to start a fight. Maybe I need him in
my fucking apartment. I don't know why he's here. Maybe I'm glad. "I'm not saying
it."

"But you feel it. You want to." Jasper steps inside and slams the door shut.

"Don't be such a fucking girl, Jasper. What are you doing here?" I sit on the couch
and flip through the channels on the TV I'm not watching. I need to look like I was
busy before he got here. I need to look like I wasn't upset that he wasn't coming. I
won't let him effect me because I'm not effected.

"You stupid fuck; you know what I'm doing here." Jasper re-opens the front door
and begins to shove boxes into the living room. "I'm living here. We're going to live
together."

I turn off the TV. "I thought you weren't coming?"

He stands straight and yells, "I was fucking with you! I was kidding. Take a
fucking joke!"

"Oh," I say, feeling a bit dumb.

Jasper smiles, he scratches the back of my head and looks at me. He stares at my
toes and I want to punch him in the teeth for it. "We're so in love," he says, going out
into the hallways for a few more boxes.

"Do you need help?" I ask, looking for my chucks.

"Nah, some guy in the parking lot helped me with my boxes. I only have a few
anyway, but where do I put my stuff?"
- 251 -
 "In the spare room." He follows my eyes toward the unused bedroom.

He nods and chews on the inside of his cheek. "Okay, but I'm going to sleep with
you, right?"

I run my hand through my hair and begin looking for my smokes again. "Yeah, but
for appearances, you know?" I'm patting my shorts even though I know they're not
there. "Because we don't want anyone to know," I say, as I lift a couch cushion, but
my pack isn't to be found. "Because I want you with me, but when people come
over." I give up explaining myself.

"Edward, I love you."

My hands are shaking. I need my fucking cigarettes. I can't deal. "Ummm. Yeah."

Jasper helps me put the couch cushions back in place. He's turned into such a San
Diego douche-bag; his pants are tight, and his tank-top is thickly striped. He has a
nice little tan and sun-kissed freckles.

Sun-kissed? Gay.

Jasper smells like the ocean and wind. He smells good.

"Yeah, what? Yeah, you love me, or yeah, whatever?" Jasper stands with his hands
in his pockets. I can still see the shape of his cock; it huge.

"Jazz, if you're going to live here, those pants need to go." I head back toward the
kitchen. I'm trying to avoid him. I don't want to talk about love. I just want to be.
Moving in is a big deal, why does he need to make it more stressful? "Actually, the
pants can stay. They make your ass look nice." It's true.

Jasper takes off his tank-top and throws it on the couch before he picks up a box
and heads toward the spare room. He mumbles shit about me being an asshole and
an impossible prick before he enters the room and shuts the door with is foot.

At least he's here.

.
- 252 -
 My cigarettes were in the bathroom. I must have set them on the counter while I
took a leak earlier. Jasper hasn't come out of "his" room since he shut the door on
me. I tried knocking. I even apologized for my rude behavior, but he's ignoring me.

It's been two hours.

"Jasper, I'm going to bed," I say loud enough for him to hear me. I take my time
straightening up the living room, even though I can give a shit about what kind of
condition the living room is in now.

I move slowly between light switches until the entire apartment is dark. Then I
stand in the dark and wait for him to have a change of mind. Eventually, after a
couple of minutes (ten), I feel stupid and go to my room.

I take a shower, and while I'm in the shower, I think about Jasper.

I think about vodka and drunk nights in the summer after high school. I think
about chopping wood and new haircuts. I think about bumped heads and kisses in
the kitchen. I think about strip clubs and bathroom sex, dirty walls and fights in the
street. I think about kissing booths and crazy ex-girlfriends, Rock, Paper, Scissors
and Thumb War.

We've been through a lot, Jasper and me.

He definitely keeps us together. More time than not, I'm ready to run. A year and a
half later, and I still can't wrap my mind around being with a guy. When I panic,
Jasper is always there to say: just calm the fuck down and smoke a fucking cigarette.
Which translates to: I know this sucks, but I need you.

I don't know how to be close to him. I can be his best friend. We can fuck and
fight, and be close in that sense, but I don't know how to be intimate. We have the
title: Boyfriends. Even if it's private, but I can't do all the shit that goes along with
being his boy: dates, and looks, and hand-holding, and love.

I don't know how, and trying to learn feels like I'm losing myself, but it's always
been that way.

I wonder if they have half-gay-college-boy support groups? I bet they do.

Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. I'm half gay. Well, more like a quarter gay. I'm kind of
gay. Not really. I'm a little bit gay, but not a lot. What's between a quarter and a
half?
- 253 -
 I'm a idiot.

After I dry off, I brush my teeth and open the bathroom door to a dark room. In
bed is Jasper. His back is turned toward me, but he isn't asleep. I can tell by the way
his shoulders tense.

"Oh, so you've forgiven me now?" I say, trying not to bump into anything in the
dark. The right side of the bed is still mine, so I have to cross the room, and I can't
see shit. Of course, I bump my shin on the bed, because the fucking world wouldn't
be properly aligned if I wasn't totally fucked.

I'm groaning while pain shoots up my shin bone, and Jasper laughs because he's
an asshole.

I get into bed making as much noise as possible. I take all of the blankets and beat
the hell out of my pillow before I lie my head on it. I kick my feet around, and I flip
from my stomach, to my back, onto my stomach again. Then I decide that my side of
the bed - the right side - is no longer big enough, so I spread my legs open and take
up the whole fucking mattress.

Jasper doesn't even complain. He moves, re-adjusting his position to accommodate

me. "Are you good?" he asks, sounding like some kind of gay-saint.

"How is this so fucking easy for you?"

He laughs. "I thought we decided a long time ago not to fight it."

"I'm not perfect, Jazz."

"You're good enough."

I can feel him smiling in the dark. He doesn't say anything else, but he does reach
for the remote control and turn on the TV; I watch Teen Mom with him until I crash
out.

Maybe we hold hands under the blankets.

But don't tell anyone because it's super fruity.

.
- 254 -
 .

I've experienced a lot of awful shit in my life but nothing has been as bad as this.

Being choked in your sleep is downright terrifying and somewhat mean, actually.

"What the fuck," I struggle to speak; Jasper is sitting on my legs, choking the life
out of me. He's finally lost it. I knew it would happen but never this soon.

"Say it back," he growls, squeezing a little harder.

Okay, he isn't actually choking me all that hard, but I was sleeping pretty fucking
deeply and having a dream about big huge titties. Which only proves my point when
I say I'm not one-hundred percent homo.

"I hate you," I choke, grabbing onto his writs. "You're fucking crazy."

"Say it back. I know you love me."

"Never." I can see the light. Not really, but I'm dramatic.

Jasper lets go of my throat and sits back on my thighs. I'm hyper-aware of our lack
of socks, and we've been in this position before, but his toes are touching mine, so I
feel like screaming.

Okay, I'm being dramatic again. We're way past socks, but they're still less gay.

Twitch.

"I love you," Jasper says. Only this time he doesn't seem too happy about it. "I've
tried not to, but I do."

I'm offended by his tone of voice. "Well, I try not to love you, too."

"So that means you love me?"

"I didn't say that."

Jasper punches me in the chest. "Say it! Out loud! Say it!" Then his lips crash
down onto mine. "Say it, please," he says, as he whimpers, kissing my lips without
his tongue.

- 255 -
 My hands are on his hips. I can feel his erection pressed onto my lower stomach.
His lips are rough. He bites, pushes, and smothers. I try to open my mouth, and I
manage to lick him, but he gives me nothing but dirty hard kisses with his
suffocating lips.

"Pleasepleaseplease," he says all at once. "Just say it, Edward." His palms are flat
against the mattress beside my head, and his kisses are as desperate as ever. He
moves along my jaw line and down my throat. Jasper scoots himself between my legs
and thrusts forward, rubbing our cocks together. "I love you so fucking much, and I
need you to say it back."

"Jazz," I groan, gripping onto his bare sides.

He's at the base of my throat, but he comes back to my mouth in one fast
movement. Jasper plunges his tongue between my lips and kisses me deep. He
kisses me hardcore. He kisses me wordless. Jasper is gripping the sheets and
shaking against my body.

He's better at this than me, but that doesn't mean he's any good at it.

We've been together for going on two years, and it still hurts like the first fucking
time.

His hand is on the side of my neck. He tilts my head up and kisses me further.
Jasper is in-between my legs, stroking and humping, trying to find something.

Three little words can give him what he needs.

"Jazz Jasper." It's hard to talk when he's so inside of me. He's on top and all
around. His hips are power and his touch is heat. His kiss is domineering and so
fucking good.

I grip into his sides until my short nails break his skin. He hisses inside of my
mouth but doesn't waste anytime before he's kissing me hopeless again. I keep my
eyes open because I can't miss this: this is something big. This is a turning point.
This is a we-can-never-look-back kind of moment. Once I say it, there is no un-saying
it. Once I say it, it's there forever.

As my nails dig deeper, and Jasper's tongue kisses rougher, I lift my hips and
welcome his love. I move; he moves; I move again. Soon, the kissing stops and we're
sharing breaths. The same gasp of air sucks back and forth between us. Jasper
reaches down and removes my right hand from his skin. He interlaces our fingers
- 256 -
and sets our fisted-together hands beside my head.

He's looking at me, but I'm past feeling vulnerable beneath his eyes. I got over
that a while ago. Now he kills me with his affection and acceptance with his
threatening words of love and it's me and you.

Because it's so fucking true, and the truth is a scary motherfucker.

Do you know how many times I've heard him say: "This is fucked up, but I have
you, so it's like, cool."

Then I say: "Yeah, whatever." but I really mean: without you, I'd be misplaced.

But there have been plenty of times when he has called me in the middle of the
night, and he's all: quiet-nothing-soundless; only breathing because he's fucked up.
He's in love with a boy and there are no words he can mend together that will
describe how wrong-correct it feels. So he just breathes.

Then I say: "It's okay, Jazz, because we have each other, so it's like, cool."

Because, like I said, he's good, but he's not that good. But when he is good, he's
really good. When he's good, Jasper looks at me with love-stuck eyes and touches me
a little here and a little there. He whispers dirty shit into my ear, and when no one is
looking, he'll touch right behind my ear, or his fingers will sneak under my shirt.
That's why I'm not vulnerable beneath his eyes, because I'm always beneath his
eyes. Our entire public relationship consists of sneaky looks and quiet warmness.
And when we are alone, we're usually fucking or fighting over the remote.

This is the very first time he's ever been like: "I love you, and I need you to say it
back." That's why I'm unsteady beneath his threatening words of love.

But maybe, like the quiet across-the-room conversations with our eyes, I'll get
used to the new words. We have to jump-off somewhere. If this is real, if this is
forever, we have to say it eventually, because it's so fucking sad not to, right?

This is a silly mix of good-Jasper and the Jasper that calls me in the middle of the
night with no words. One moment he's shaking, whimpering, and begging, and the
next, he's above me smiling the most stupid smile, saying, "Ever since I met you, no
one else has been worth thinking about."

I roll my eyes, but inside I'm like: Squeeee! My inner gay is having a fucking field
day with all of this oh, so sweet shit.
- 257 -
 But never fucking forget that I am all fucking boy. I react like a fucking man.

I sit up and Jasper moves back onto his heels. He's laughing, running his hand
though his fauxhawk. "You're such a fucking dick," he says.

Kind of.

I move until I'm on my knees, smirking. I grab onto the front of Jasper's hair,
sucking on his neck and biting on his Adams-apple. He falls back, and now I'm on
top and in-between.

I let my dick out first, and I touch myself while I leave little purple souvenirs on
Jasper's neck. Fuck it, he can blame it on whomever.

Our room is dark and it's hot as fuck. The ceiling fan spin, spin, spins, cooling
where I sweat in little rotations. My cock is hard, leaking at the tip. Between heavy
breaths, we can hear what my dick sounds like as I stroke myself over Jasper's
stomach.

"Do you love me? Do you want me to love you, too?" I say, sitting up on my knees,
pushing my shorts all of the way down.

Jasper pulls out his own lengths, pumping himself. "Yes," he says, fucking his
hand.

I release myself and lean over Jasper. He doesn't stop. He keeps pumping. "I want
you to fuck me," I whisper into his ear. "And then maybe I'll say it back."

"You will," he groans. "I'll make you fucking say it."

"Try me."

We weren't paying attention through all of the hickeys and the jerking off and the
he's on top and I'm on top. Neither one of us noticed how close to the edge we were,
so when Jasper tries to get up, he falls over the side of the bed and takes me with
him.

We hit the floor in a mass of testosterone, boners, and a whole ton of laughter and
curse words.

There is nothing more humiliating than falling off the bed with your dick hanging
out.
- 258 -
 Then, of course, it's easier for Jasper to bend me over the side of the bed and fuck
me, which is exactly what he does.

He kicks my legs open and sticks his sticky-lube covered fingers inside of me. I'm
not ready to tell him that I love him, but I'm a little bit closer to confessing. I want
this to be fast, fast, fast and hard, hard, hard. Believe it or not, I like to be fucked. I
crave this shit. I like it when his hips meet my ass. I like to be filled and pushed into.
I like it when his voice is in my ear from the back. I absolutely fucking love it when
Jasper holds onto the top of my shoulders and uses me for leverage so I can be
fucked that much harder.

I like to do the fucking, too, but most of the time it's this way. We don't play
childhood games anymore. We just do whatever.

Jasper doesn't bother fucking around with the inch by inch, sliding in slowly
bullshit. He retracts his fingers, kisses the back of my shoulder, tells me he loves
me, and slams in; one full-sized, harsh push and I am filled to the brim. He gives me
a moment to adjust to his size, because as much as I like it, I haven't gotten used to
the initial intrusion from his monster-sized dong.

It's just one of those things. It's fucking huge.

"Ready?" he asks, rubbing my back, kissing behind my ear.

I lay my cheek flat against the mattress and nod. "Yeah."

He snakes his hand forward until his palm is around the front of my throat, he
pulls my head back and kisses the corner of my mouth. Jasper's chest is pressing
against my back and my ass meets perfectly flush with the front of his pelvis.

"I want you on the bed, on your stomach," he whispers, rotating his hips in small,
small circles.

He climbs with me, never losing contact. I push my dick up against my stomach
before I lie flat. Without pulling all of the way out, Jasper places a knee on each side
of my hips. He tells me to close my legs. He tells me to hold onto the headboard. His
hands press down on my lower back. He starts to move in and out of me at a steady
rate.

He's making noises. Sounds.

He pushes on my lower back more. He fucks me a little harder. His balls sweep
- 259 -
across my skin. We make a smacking sound when we connect.

His hands are on the top of my shoulders.

"Fuck!" I yell into the pillow.

He's in and out, in and out, in and out. Hard. Sturdy. Solid.

"I could never let this go," Jasper says in a hush. "I love it too much."

Jasper holds me stable by my hips, pulling me up on my knees. He's relentless and

wonderful. I'm gone, lost, wondering in tingles as they explode through my body. He
whispers dirty little nothings while he fucks me good and full. I grab a hold of my
dick to keep it from slapping against my stomach. I pump because there is so much
pressure.

"Don't you fucking dare cum before you tell me you love me, you son-of-a-bitch,"
Jasper pants, pushing himself up onto one foot so he can thrust deeper and harder.

My body feels as if it's about to rip. I can't take much more. He's pushing me too
far. I shake my head and cry real fucking tears. I stoke my dick and try my hardest
not to fall onto my face. My body ignites with every single shove and push. I can't do
it. I can't. I can't take it. I'm disoriented and over-whelmed. Nothing but adrenaline,
sex, and feel-good is running through my veins. Aches, aches, aches, there are so
many aches. My vision is blurry and my body is screaming for release.

When Jasper reaches forward and grabs onto my balls, I scream, "I fucking love
you! I do. I swear. I fucking love you so much!"

And it's the scary-motherfucking-truth.

In one sudden movement, Jasper pulls out, flips me onto my stomach, and puts his
mouth on me right as I begin to come. Not giving a fuck, I wrap my legs around his
head and thrust my hips toward his lips.

I don't know what I'm saying but there is a lot of love, forever, and ever involved.
And we have each other, so it's like, cool.

- 260 -
 .

We messed up the spare room so it looks like Jasper lives in there. He left dirty
clothes on the floor and we fucked up the bed sheets doing the deed earlier.

We're having some friends over. We're having a small party to welcome Jasper to
Los Angeles. We're in love, but it's our kept secret.

Jasper is in the kitchen making drinks. He has a black, flat-billed hat on and a dark
green and black flannel. He's smiling, sipping from a red cup. He sees me and he
smiles. We have a silent conversation with our eyes, and it's totally gay, but
whatever.

He walks around the kitchen island and comes into the living room. I'm sitting on
the couch, packing a bowl. Jasper sits next to me and lazily drapes his arm over my
shoulders. He always does this, so no one cares.

I place the glass pipe at my lips, and Jasper lights it up for me. "I wish that was my
dick," he whispers.

I laugh, coughing smoke into the air. We pass the pipe. We get high. We watch TV
while everyone has a party around us. Sometimes, Jasper's thumb glides against my
ear lobe. Sometimes, Jasper plays with my hair. One time, Jasper reaches over and
kisses the side of my neck.

No one saw.

He's so gay.

A commercial for turkey comes on the television, and I'm like, "Is it really almost
Thanksgiving or am I just really high?"

"Yeah," Jasper says, "it is."

A weird series of events happen after that. Our cells phones go off, and like some
unexplainable irony, we both have text messages about Turkey Day:

FROM MOM: We're coming to California for Thanksgiving!

FROM EMMETT: Tuck your sac, bro. I'm coming home for the holiday.

And on Jasper's phone:

- 261 -
 FROM ROSALIE: Are you and Edward naked? Together? Will you be around
Thanksgiving?

FROM ROSALIE: I'm praying for you.

My phone goes off again:

FROM MOM: What does a gay horse eat?

Jasper and I laugh. This is going to be good.

FROM MOM: Heeeeey! *gay hand wave*

- 262 -