Clara Allison

9/23/16
Innocent Character Story
Creative Writing
216
Stuck between white tiled hallways, clusters of hospital gowned children dashed to and
from the multiple playrooms. As one of the head nurses of the adolescent cancer-treatment ward,
sometimes I got the simple job of watching the kids play while in in-training nurses did all the
dirty work; vitals and blood tests and procedures along the lines of putting a child through pain.
I had just gotten through my morning shift, and I took my lunch break watching the first
afternoon playroom hour. This had always been the peak time, ever since I was appointed as
head at St. Judith. This was when all the kids were hyped up from lunch, sugary drinks were
popular due to the energy it gave them. After roughly an hour they got tired and wanted to go
back to their rooms too watch T.V or nap, but for that rough hour and a half, it was a madhouse
of nurses and kids, usually no older than seven or eight. Among the loud, chattery static the kids
made was one of the newer patients ,Jackson, timid and soft-spoken, his baby face hung like a
wet laundry line. He was relatively new to this, only two weeks into the grind of being a six year
old with stage two Leukemia. He would sit in the safety of the far right corner, near the board
game table, and gaze out of the massive windows that looked onto Sixth Avenue.
There were always those few kids who were dragged out of their rooms by nurses to try
to get them to socialize or get some kind of light physical activity, and rather than doing anything
they would sit at the window and people watch, and Jackson was of these kids. Aside from
replicating the empire state building from Legos, all he would ever seem to do sit and stare out at
the skyline. Whenever you see a kid looking distraught like that- or perhaps terrified- its
generally because its surgery or radiation day- but he always looked so pale and terrified in the
playroom. Once, on a day within his first week here, Oliver, a long-term boy his age, came up to
him and asked him if he would've liked to make a castle over on the puzzle carpet, and Jackson
began to wail. We all just kind of assumed he enjoyed the solitude in the security of his corner.
"Hey, mind if I join you?" Proceeded Joy, my high-cheek boned co-worker.
"Not at all," I said flatly. Joy always reminded me of my younger self, except blonde. She
had this happy movie screen face and told jokes that made all of our kids adore her. She was
working her way up to working with me, despite her only being in her mid thirties.
"Maybe you should go and visit the kids once your done. I think Maria over there would
love it if you played princess with her."
I glanced out of the window that gave our view into the playroom, so we could monitor
and make sure everything went smoothly. I saw Maria with a tutu over her pajama's, her head
bare and eyes big and brown and round as I'll get out. The kids were nothing less than adorable,
and It always cracked my heart to see them on bad days.
 "I never thought of that, actually going in there and talking to the kids. They always
seemed happy on their own." I told to no one in particular.
"I think it would be more than healthy to go in there and engage with them, and maybe
now when they see a tall lady in scrubs approaching them they wont automatically think of a
needle or syringe." She said to me, looking in my direction.
"Agreed. Lets see how this goes." I got up, abandoning my Subway, and opened the door
to the playroom. A few kids turned their heads but quickly proceeded to their puzzles or race
cars. I made my way over to Jackson, and the first second of eye contact we made, he looked
petrified. He grabbed one of his blocks and held it close to his chest as if it were a sword he were
to fend me off with. I was careful.
"Hey buddy," I paused, "can I see what you're building?" I said, pointing at the structure
of multicolor Lego's resting at his lap. He was silent, as I expected, blinking his massive baby
blues up in my direction. I sat down in front of him, but not close enough to make him
uncomfortable.
"Do you like building with Lego's?" I proceeded.
A nod.
"What are your favorite things to build? I see you have a nice Empire State Building
going on, huh?" I said, in a sweet and motherly tone.
"Cars. And houses too." He said, or whispered, almost.
"Yeah? I think a lot of houses in New York are really nice. Do you think so too?"
A shrug.
"I tink so too," he paused "Are you a nurse here?" He asked to me.
"Yeah!" I said enthusiastically. "I bet you've seen me around?"
I wasnt expecting the next part.
"What will happen if I die here?" He asked me.
I was dumbfounded.
"..Well.. what do you think?" I said.
"Well I dont tink I would mind. Mommy said that if I did I would go and live in heaven,
and I think I would like that. I tink it would be better than staying here all the time." He
confessed.
Like I was frozen with terror in front of a class, I didnt say anything. He resumed to
ramble around in the lego bin looking for the right block to fit in the missing space of the Empire
like he didnt care about a single thing in the world, not even himself. I stood up.
"Alright then buddy, I'll see you around, okay?"
 "Alrighty," He said in his raspy, whisper tone.
I then without haste began right back for the window room to tell Joy what had just
happened. Stepping over toy cars and stuffed animals strewn about, I looked that sad, pale blue
walls with optimistic You'll Feel Better Soon! And Remember to keep a healthy diet and brush
your teeth each day! Posters. They were just something for the kids to look at and maybe feel
better, but to me they seemed like a lingering, out of the way reminder of the death that was
bound to happen within this ward. It had always seemed like Leukemia made the highest fatality
rate.
I finally got back to the little room where I had ditched Joy for and my foot long. Inside I
found Joy on her phone, munching sun chips and taking up the rest of her lunch hour through
Instagram.
"Oh my god. Joy." I said in a shocked, suspenseful tone.
"Well if you want one, just ask." She said.
"No, not your Whole Foods lunch accessory choice, the Jackson kid, guess what he asked
me."
She hesitated, then stopped her munching, and held out a hand and gave a confused look
to signify she had no idea.
" 'What will happen if I die here.' " I told her.
She swallowed. "Christ," she said, looking shocked.
"I didnt say anything back, because well god, does he think I have an answer? Maybe ill
refer him to the ward psychiatrist."
Joy didnt say anything and continued to scroll through her Instagram feed while I
thought. The only things the kids ever asked me were
What's wrong with me?
What is this doing to me?
When can I go home?

Never something like what Jackson said. We both sat there in the buzzing, white noise of the
hospital, the only thing filling dead silence. I broke it.
"Do you think he knows what he's in for?" I muttered, partially ashamed for saying it.
"Maybe," she replied. "but I still dont think that at his age he could quite comprehend what's
going on with his body."
Jackson has AML Leukemia, one of the worst kinds susceptible. I had seen some of his blood
testes come back from lab, and from what the papers read, it wasnt hopeful. I then took out my
phone to reply to a text, and when I saw the 12:45 at the top of my screen I headed went out the
door and started down the hall too work my next shift.
During that shift I went to several of the kids' rooms and went through the checklist. Made sure
they had all eaten. They weren't feeling any pain. If they had gotten all of their proper
medication. Going down the list of rooms on my clipboard, I saw a star by one to say that I most
likely hadn't seen that particular patient, so I headed to room 216. When I turned into the
doorway, I wasnt surprised to see Jackson.
I knocked on the open door, and he turned around in his bed to see me.
"I remember you," he said.
"Right, I saw you today at play hour. I'm just here to make sure you're feeling alright.
"Yeah, I am."
I sat down next to him on the stool that was in each room and went down my checklist.
According to everything he said, he was fine that day. No pain, eaten a good lunch. Mounted on
the wall across from us was a TV, playing a kids show I didnt know the name of. I looked at it,
and then glanced back at him to see a little grin on his face. He was one of the most adorable
things I had ever saw, he still had the majority of his hair, that resided on his head in fragile,
golden brown strands that came out in clumps when he went for a bath. His eyes were blue
wonders and roses resembled his cheeks. I wanted to keep the rascal for myself. Before I could
realize it, he was laughing. Confused at just what, I remembered the TV. It started as a giggle but
then turned into full on, sweet laughter. I chuckled along with him and enjoyed the joy that
radiated off of him. After pausing for a second, he started to cough. I stopped chuckling, and he
continued to cough, each one getting rougher and rougher as he took each shallow breath. Just as
I was about to page for assistance, he stopped and said to me:
"Its okay, I'm alright. That happens sometimes."
"Are you sure you feel okay? You know if you ever feel really sick you can hit this button right
here, and a nurse will come and help you."
"Yeah, Mommy told me that when I first got here, but I've never used it."
I went to the sink and got a glass of water just to be safe, I really didnt want anything
happening. I handed the water to him and he thanked me. I turned around and as I was walking
back out into the hall he said the loudest I've ever heard him say:
"Miss Veronica?"
I turned back around and faced him.
"Yeah?"
"Will you build Lego's with me tomorrow in the play room? I can teach you!"
"I would be most certainly happy too. I bet we can make a great Empire State Building, huh?"
He nodded, with a big grin on his face.
"I'll see you later then," he said.
"I'll see you later!" I yelled back to him from the hall.
The night came quicker than I thought and my shift had finally come to a close, now the night
shift nurses were on to put the kids to bed and make sure nothing happened in the night. I was at
the front counter packing everything back up into my purse, when I realized that I needed to put
my hours in. I walked over the tall shelf with all of the folders on it, when I noticed a red light
installed right by the computer was bright and blinking, which was never a good thing because it
meant a kid on that floor had pressed their emergency buttons. Just as I was about to step in, five
nurses took off out of the left wing, into the lobby, and back down into the right wing. I
continued to find my folder, expecting the problem to be fixed within a few minutes. I decided to
wait to head to my car to make sure everything was okay, so I went to the water jug and got
myself a glass.
Two more nurses.
This time they propped the doors to the right wing open, and then took off running behind the
corner, stethoscopes around their necks. I was beginning to become concerned, several minutes
had passed and normally when kids pressed their emergency buttons it was only because they
wanted a bedtime story. Thats when Carol, the head practitioner came pacing around the corner,
looking worried, so I stopped her.
"Hey, Carol, is there anything that needs help, because I'm here if you need it."
"Thats alright Veronica," she continued, "you've already worked your shift. This should be fixed
soon enough."
She, much like every other nurse, took off running down the hall. I waited longer, I wasnt going
to leave until whatever problem it was, was fixed. I waited a few more minutes, nervously
glancing at my phone screen that read 12:34. Just as I was about to grab my purse and head for
the car, I heard a chorus of chaos emitting from down the hall. A garble of
Oh my god, oh my god,
Stay with me sweetie, you can do it,
And then.
And then. The unmistakable, alarm sounding whine of the vital machine. One solid long Beep.
I dropped my purse, and flung myself around to see Joy standing at the counter, her hand frozen
in front of the shelf I was just standing at. She looked me in the eye, the same horrified look on
dampening her face.
"What room are they in," I said frantically.
She paused, looked at the papers strewn across the front desk, and then looked back at me with
the look of a forgotten puppy.
"216."
I turned around.