Andrew Bambach

WRT 1020

Journal #3

After reading the Kid Rock essay it was clear to me this essay needs some editing and

revisions. The first suggestion I have to the writer is to look back over the essay or have it

revised by another person for grammatical errors. They have many spelling and grammatical

errors that make reading the essay hard. My second suggestion I have is to clearly define the

topic in which the writer is describing. At the beginning of the essay I believed the essay was

about how great a Kid Rock concert is. However, the more I kept reading, the more the writer

changed their topic from how great a Kid Rock concert is, to how Kid Rock sold out his true fans

and was only a showman. Continuing, my third suggestion to the writer is to establish the

meaning of their paper in the introduction and thesis. Is the meaning of the paper how great a

Kid Rock concert is? Or why Kid Rock sold out his true friends and is more of a showman than a

true performer? I suggest picking a topic and sticking to it. Having multiple topics in one essay

confuses the reader and makes the essay have no fluidity. The last suggestion I have is to add

more detail to the paper. It appears the paper was made the morning before it was due. The writer

does not elaborate on many of their points and explain why they feel the way they do. Overall, I

believe this paper was not very well written and could use a lot of revising and extra help in

developing the topic.