During any one conversation you should aim to follow the 70/20/10 rule:

Listen 70% of the time.

Ask questions 20% of the time.
Offer small input 10% of the time.
I think this strategy can be pretty effective, but with some context. Once you'v
e hit upon a topic where the person is interested/has some skill, then I think y
ou can shift to this ratio.
Here's a tricky thing I've learned with conversation/interpersonal skill sets, p
art of the art of being a good conversationalist/active listener is to learn how
to lead the conversation in a direction. Either to something you want to talk a
bout, or something where they feel super comfortable. I have found when I have t
aken the subtle lead in the direction of the conversation, the quality tends to
be better ( i.e. I can control the pace, the tone, the amount of humor, the amou
nt of depth, etc)
As for folks who struggle to be more "genuine" in terms of conversation, my tric
k is to find something the person actually knows about ( i.e. their career or sk
ill) and ask about it in terms of learning something new. I actually do not like
most people, most people make me weary. I do LOVE to learn. I mean I love love
love to learn something new. And if someone can filter down a subject to it's ba
se points, that only makes learning easier. Plus, as a side bonus, you now have
new information under which to talk about to other people later about. ( I.E. yo
u will learn something about coin collecting or how to fix cars or some subject
and it will come up later, and you have something to share with that person, or
add to the conversation)
I find most people lack the skill set to hold up a 70 percent ratio with a skill
ed conversationalist on their own.
A good strategy to learn is to have a group conversation, where you default into
the "moderator" You are asking questions of 2-3 people around you, seeking comm
ents, giving light compliments, focusing the framework of having everyone feel c
onnected and a part of the conversation. It is NOT EASY to informally moderate a
group conversation. Most people will talk in pairs or in a pair and leave someo
ne out.
Never talk about yourself more than is needed to give context for the other pers
on to reveal something to you. This might roll into the "breadcrumbs" theory tha
t Rollo Tomasi has, where the information you do occasionally give out seems lik
e a gift of gold because they understand you don't talk much about yourself.
If ever questioned about your vagueness about yourself, simply say you wanted to
focus on learning bout the other person. The other thing to say is "You seemed
pretty passionate about subject X, and I was interested, so I wanted to keep lea
rning about it"
My take is never make the learning part a secret. Esp if the person is older tha
n you, or there is a rank issue involved in terms of hierarchy. Saying you want
to learn and expressing it is a positive for you. It puts people in a teaching p
osition, which is disarming in it's own way ( i.e. similar to asking someone for
advice, that is a flattering act in itself)
If you are dealing with a woman, always end the conversation if possible by poin
ting out how unique she is to other women around you. I.E. "You know, most women
I've met, and I've traveled all over, would not make that observation, I'm actu
ally impressed here"
If you are dealing with a man, always shake his hand ( by extending your hand fi
rst, you almost obligating him to do the same, framing the positive nature of th
e conversation, even if he didn't feel that way at some point) and say you appre
ciate that he offered a teaching moment for you and "whenever you talk, you alwa
ys learn something new from the person"
One of the easiest ways to generate comfort with someone is to push the conversa
tion into their arena, where they have knowledge or skill ( or think they do) an
d you make it clear you simply are not well versed in that area ( i.e. you canno
t challenge them)
A good trick I've learned is if you are going to converse with this person regul
arly, to make a mental note of something they brought up that you did find inter
esting, look it up, Google it, Wiki it, and bring it up next time.
"Last time we talked, you mentioned some quote by Yogi Berra, I thought about it
that night, looked it up, and it's interesting, did you know Yogi Berra did X?
"
You look like you are sharing, but you are not, not about you. You've revealed n
othing except the context that the person opened up a new subject to you and you
brought it back to them. This is very flattering to people.
This is a strong situation to incorporate 'touch' into conversation. I.E. when y
ou end a conversation, if it won't be too jarring, pat the guy on the shoulder a
s you walk by to leave and mention you enjoyed the conversation. With a woman, I
think it's far far more situational, but touch will tend to being a strong conn
ectivity to my experience.
TL/DR - Focus on learning something new the person knows, not the person themsel
ves. Most people are boring as fuck and can't lead a conversation. You don't lea
rn how to be a good conversationalist/moderator/active listener by talking to a
fellow one, you learn by talking to people who have no skill set at all and have
no desire to, see it as pumping out a girl who is 2 just to learn how to thrust
right.
One last thing, and this is the bonus round. When your conversation skills get v
ery very very good, two things happen
1) You can close in any context with people where you voice is implied. Not just
girls, but business, other relationships, dealing with difficult people, etc.
2) You appreciate meeting the very rare true "active listener", often these peop
le can become very good friends, or if it's a woman, maybe a girl you see as a r
eally quality potential person.
Want to know when your skills are really starting to peak? To me, the litmus is
when people around you, not in the conversation, eavesdrop, and either try to en
ter the conversation, or ask you about it later or delay their schedule a little
just to hear you keep going with your banter.
Good conversation stands out.
Good conversation projects many of the Alpha qualities that TRP talks about, eve
n if you don't have them all, it gives general people that perception
Good conversation is the gateway to seduction. If men are about real, and women
are about feel, your words can hit every trigger inside her over and over.
Counter-intuitive, making it about them, is really making it about bettering you
. To me, this is the basis of appearing unselfish in these kind of interactions,
the benefits hits you on the backend, without you noticing.