Anaelle Montagne adoption

Following the footsteps of the first

homosexual couple to adopt a child
in Scotland
On the day we finally got approved, it was so emotional for me that I

had to leave the meeting room because I couldnt stop crying. I was just

being so overwhelmed by it all, I was realising that we were going to

have our own wee child, our own family.

James Smith, a broad smile across his face, reminisces of the day he and his

partner, Neil Smith, were approved to become fathers. It was in December 2009,

shortly after homosexual couples were finally allowed to adopt and foster. A few

months later, the little boy they were fostering officially became their son.

James, 40, is the chief executive of the charity and outdoor learning centre at

Hillhead, and an ambassador for Families for Children Adoption in Glasgow. His

partner Neil Smith, 50, is currently studying law at the University of Strathclyde,

in Glasgow.

The Smiths were the first homosexual couple to be approved for adoption in

Scotland, paving the way for the many same-sex couples after them.

We were the guinea pigs, James now realises, with hindsight.

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The Adoption and Children Act, allowing homosexual couples to adopt, came into

effect in September 2009, at the same time as the Looked After Children

(Scotland) Regulation which enabled them to become foster carers. About a

month after, Neil and James were approved to adopt and foster a child. This was

as much a learning curve for them as it was for the adoption social workers.

The Smiths initially called an adoption agency in 2006, to get an idea of the

fostering and adoption process. After receiving their adoption pack and going to

an open day, they realised it was not going to happen just yet.

At the time, if you were gay you werent allowed to be a foster carer or to

adopt. We were clearly told that we could not do it for the moment, but that

things would be changing, James remembers.

A few months later they received a phone call that would be the start of their

path to adoption.

Alison Grant, a supervising social worker in a family placement fostering team,

explains the adoption process: After the couple receives their adoption pack to

see what it involves, a social worker visits them to talk about adoption. Then

starts a time scale with preparation groups, and at the same time, background

checks are made on the couple.

The next step, the assessment, seeks to confirm that the potential parents fit

the requirements.

For James and Neil, the assessment process was a difficult, but enriching

experience: We learned loads about ourselves.

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They asked absolutely everything about our lives, from where we went

shopping for food and clothes, right down to our sexual activities.

According to Mrs Grant, the questions asked during the assessment are the

same for homosexual and heterosexual couples. The whole basis of social work

is to see if the potential adopters have the skills, maturity and stability to parent

a child and keep him safe; sexuality is not the focus.

There was still a catch during a preparation group, due to the social workers not

being used to deal with same-sex couples. Neil, who always seems to choose his

words with care, narrates the anecdote: The social workers were saying that its

always better to have a female member of the household when youre bathing

the children. They were quite insistent on this, so we asked them how this could

fit in a male, same-sex relationship. And they realised there needed to be a

rethink, because everything was geared to a male-female couple.

An adoption process is meant to take about six months to a year. The social

worker Alison Grant laughs: I always say, it does take nine months to have a

baby!

Yet Neil and James found themselves waiting two years for the whole procedure

to be finalised.

The social workers had to adapt their work to the same-sex couple, who

established a new era for adoption in Scotland. The several delays of the

homosexual adoption law also extended their already lengthy journey.

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For the Smiths, who are very understanding, it was not a problem: they were

happy to take their time. Where other couples could have felt nervous or

concerned, the Smiths always remained serene, and trusted the social workers

who accompanied them on their journey. The whole process seems to have

happened with remarkable smoothness.

The final step took place shortly after the Adoption and Children Act became

effective.

The social worker Mrs Grant explains that when an assessment is finished, the

final report is taken to a panel of social workers, medical advisers adopters, legal

workers and teachers, who look at the analysis of the behaviour and lifestyle of

the couple to check that they are, indeed, fit to adopt a child.

On this significant day the Smiths were the subject of a buzz in the offices.

Everyone knew that the first same-sex couple who wanted to adopt a child were

down there, in this meeting, waiting to be approved. The social workers were all

quite excited about it, whereas we didnt know at the time: we were more

concerned about being approved or not. And we got approved, James proudly

says, his eyes still sparkling with excitement.

Two weeks later, the couple received a phone call from social services, asking

them if they could, as foster carers, accommodate the child that would change

their lives.

Samuel first stepped into their house when he was four years-old, just for the

night. And he never left.

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After being asked to keep Samuel for the night, it was extended to the weekend,

then to twenty-one days. It just went on and on, James remembers.

There was a rehabilitation plan for Samuel to go back to his mother, but it failed

because of her drug misuse. She was doing really well for a while, according to

James, but she had a relapse, and it just wasnt possible anymore for Samuel

to live with her.

Two choices were then left for the little boy: being permanently cared for by

foster carers, or being adopted.

Meanwhile, the Smiths had already been through three situations where a

possible matches with children did not work out, so they could not adopt them.

For one of the three cases, we think our homosexuality was part of the

problem, but we dont know any detail, Neil reveals, stressing the fact that he is

uncertain.

When it came to the point of the social workers deciding Samuels rehabilitation

plan to return to his birth mother, was not going to work, the couple still didnt

have a match.

James discloses: Due to his mother using heroin while she was pregnant,

Samuel is visually impaired. We knew that people dont want to adopt children

with disabilities, and of that age either, they want little babies; and we had

already started falling in love with him.

So we agreed and said why are you looking for someone else when we are

looking for a family? We would adopt him.

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The timing was perfect. For James, it was meant to happen.

Samuels birth mother agreed to assign her child under one condition: the

Smiths had to be the ones who adopted him, because she could tell that

Samuels life had improved a lot since they had become his foster carers/since

he had been living with them.

James does not consider Samuels mother as a bad mother: She was just not

the best. And I cant look at her in a negative way because if she was a good

parent I wouldnt have him. I dont know if that sounds right or wrong, but it is

how I feel.

The first few weeks of living with Samuel demanded the Smiths important

adaptation skills, due to their sons background. Samuel suffered from a lack of

food when he was living with his mother, and any detail could wake up his fear of

starvation.

Neil narrates a suggestive instance: A week after Samuel arrived, at the end of

a dinner, he asked is there any more food? so we said no, there is none. And

he started crying and screaming hysterically: what are we going to eat

tomorrow if there is no food? We had to take him by the hand and open the

fridge to show him there was still food, just no more pizza.

James and Neil managed to help their son overcome his issues and the little boy

is now as stable and mature as any other child.

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For Mrs Grant, gay couples will have struggled with their own identity, so they

will certainly be more likely tuned in to all the crisis that go on in these childrens

lives.

The Smiths have also been fostering two African children for a few years now,

and are waiting on a permanence order. This adds to the diversity of the family,

which is not a problem for the children: the kids have been brought up with

diversity being the norm, so they dont feel special. It is the normal, everyday

life for them, Neil explains.

The couple considers adopting the two children in a few years, if they ask for it.

For James and Neil, what matters the most is always the childs interest.

In general, the Smiths do not feel like they have been discriminated during the

adoption process, which should reassure other potentially sceptical homosexual

couples.

As an ambassador for Families for Children Adoption, James is amazed by the

amount of people dont know that they can adopt or foster, being gay.

The couple are encouraging homosexual couples wanting to adopt to come

forward, and follow in their footsteps.

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