Q. Why did the Buddhist refuse novocaine when he got a teeth pulled?

A. He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Q. Wanna hear a construction joke?
A. I'm working on it.
Q. Why did the banker leave his job?
A. He lost interest.
Q. What do you call a fish with ten eyes?
A. Fiiiiiiiiish.
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the Nobel prize? He was outstanding i
n his field. "This job ain't for everyone, but hay - it's in my jeans."
Did you hear about the two pretzels? When they were walking down the street, one
was assaulted.
Q. Where does the general keep his armies?
A. In his sleeves.
Q. How did Hitler tie his shoesies?
A. In little knotsies.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Duh dum chh.
A German man walks up to the immigration desk at Warsaw airport. The immigratio
n officer asks, "Occupation?" The German replies, "No, just a holiday."
Always borrow money from pessimists, they never expect it back. - Steven Wright
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Q. What did the buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off at school?
A. Bye, son.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
No, to WHOM?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow's go.
Cow's go who?
No, that's owls.
An American, an Italian, a Malaysian, etc all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops
them as says "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."
Q. How many performance artists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I don't know. I didn't stay for the whole thing.
My wife laughed when I told her I wanted to make a car out of spaghetti. You sh
ould have seen her face when I drove pasta.
A woman on her deathbed is overcome with guilt in her final moments. "Honey," s
he says, "I'm sorry, but I was unfaithful during our marriage." The husband, wi
th tears in his eyes, leans in and says, "I know. I knew all about it. That's
why I poisoned you."
Q. Why did the baker's hand smell?
A. He kneaded a poo/needed to poo.