I remember learning to write in elementary school.

I liked being able to write about things I was

interested in instead of writing research papers like I did in high school. Even outside of school I
liked to write short stories. I liked having the freedom to express my thoughts on paper. I think I
enjoyed writing so much because my teachers always gave me positive feedback. They
encouraged me to do my best and I believe that helped improve my writing skills. My high
school teacher caused me to dislike writing because it always had to be in a specific format or on
a specific topic instead of creative writing.

Ive failed at a lot of things in life but the one that sticks out is running the mile. Ive played
soccer since I was 5 and once I got into middle school we started to do timed miles. I dont know
if the fact that it was timed messed me up or that I just wasnt good at running, but every time I
was one of the last girls to finish. Even girls that were heavier than me finished before me. As the
years went on, I realized it wasnt my muscles that gave up on me, it was my heart/lungs. I
always felt I wasnt getting enough air in and my heart was beating too fast. Also I had mild
asthma which most likely helped contribute to my failure. Once I reached high school, we started
doing two mile runs. One year I faked an ankle injury because I knew I couldnt do it and
another year I did 7 laps instead of 8 so I wouldnt be last.

1/11/17
Im not really sure how to start this thing but Im sure more thoughts will come. Im positive this
will make no sense because I cant write fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. As soon as I
have one thought the next comes. Its almost like a wave crashing onto the beach. My arm is
already hurting and it hasnt even been a minute. Why does my arm already hurt? I dont even
think Im gripping the pencil tightly. My thoughts are really annoying. I cant even finish one
before the next one comes in. Its like they are all bees buzzing around my head. Maybe this free
writing thing isnt so bad. It allows me to not filter my thoughts and write whatever I want.

1/18/17
Were writing for 10 minutes today and I already know my hand is going to cramp. It always
does I dont even think I can control it. Its seriously so nice out today I wish it was like this all
year round. Im worried about what Im going to do if I dont get into nursing school here. Ill
apply to other places but I really dont want to go back home. Im scared that if I go home Ill
never be able to leave. I really want to go back to Seattle but I wouldnt have any friends. Maybe
I could go to nursing school there so I could make friends before graduation. I really dont know
how some people make friends so easily. Were almost done writing and Im starting to get tired.
Im sure I could write all day Im always too deep in thought to concentrate on what Im
supposed to be learning.

1/23/17
Im really tired today even though I got 8 hours of sleep. Maybe its the weather. Its funny how
it's been gloomy and rainy out since Trump was inaugurated. I just found out he plans to reinstate
the global gag which will not allow women to get safe abortions anywhere in the world. A room
full of MEN get to decide what I can and cannot do with my body? How does that make sense?
Why should I have to listen to them? I dont plan to ever get an abortion but what about the rape
victims? Or the women who cant afford to take care of another child? That child shouldnt be
subjected to live in foster care its whole life. These men have no right to make laws about my
body. Hopefully they dont take away access to birth control as well. How is that fair? Women
shouldnt be punished for wanting to have sex without having a baby. Its funny how men preach
about abstinence when they dont do the same. These men should realize they were brought into
the world by a woman and another woman will give them children. Women were not put on this
earth to be demeaned by men. Women are goddesses and should be respected by all.

1/25/17
Tomorrow is my birthday! Everyone keeps asking me if Im excited for my birthday but Im not.
Nothing special ever happens on my birthday and its not even an important birthday. Im turning
19, but maybe it is important because it is my last year as a teenager. Its weird how fast time
passes now, especially in college. It feels like I just got here. Im grateful my roommate turned
out be be an awesome friend. God gave me great friends and Im thankful. Im also happy I
chose a school that I ended up loving. I was unsure if I would be happy here at first, but now I
cant imagine myself anywhere else. There is a reason for everything I do, even if I dont know it
yet.

When I was younger I had a few different nicknames. My sister called me sissy. My mom called
me rosebud because my middle name is rose. Occasionally my friends would call me al, but I
always hated it because I thought it was a mans name. My sister is four years older than me and
is the oldest. She was always held at high expectations for everything. She got As and Bs all
throughout school. Me on the other hand, I was the youngest and last child. My parents still had
high expectations for me, but were more lenient. I got a few Cs in high school and wasnt in the
gifted program like my sister. I think she always resented me over the fact that our parents were
more laid back with me. I have been an independent kid since a young age and really hated being
told what to do. I really had an I dont care attitude and was obnoxious at times. I like to think
I was the funnier one in the family. Both my sister and I played sports all throughout school,
except she played her senior year and I didnt. I was allowed to make a lot of my own decisions
which I was thankful for. I was definitely allowed to get away with more stuff than my sister
was, which she never ceased to remind me of.

1/30/17
I am so tired of having long hair its seriously a struggle. I cant wait until spring break just so I
can cut it. This will be the third time in 5 years I am cutting my hair, which is kind of insane. Im
going shorter than I ever have; Im getting it so it hangs just above my shoulders. I want to dye it
too, but Im not sure if my finances will allow it. Maybe if my parents give me enough money I
can just use it towards that. I found this beautiful pink/orange color that my friends say will look
great. I think it would be a good spring color as well. I wanted to dye my hair burgundy and dark
blue as well.

I know that Syrian refugees are trying to escape the war in their country. I know that innocent
people are killed every day. Innocent children are killed every day. I dont claim to know much
of anything about Syrian refugees. Ive read a few articles and seen a few videos, but havent
done any research. I dont understand why people dont want to let refugees into our country. As
far as I know, there havent been any terrorist attacks on our country by Syrians. I could be
wrong, but I dont know for sure. The innocent people shouldnt be punished for trying to have a
better life. I can honestly say that video gave me chills. It shows how they will risk their lives
just to escape Syria. This makes me think that the situation is dire and America shouldnt close
our borders to other humans in need. My opinion isnt worth much considering I know hardly
anything about the subject. After viewing the video, I definitely became more concerned. I have
always thought I had an open mind and a big heart. Watching these types of videos always make
me happy because they show the power of human connections. At the end of the day we are all
humans. We are all equal and we must protect each other. No one is more important than anyone
else in Gods eyes. I may be biased towards my friends and family, but I firmly believe being
rich, famous, or powerful doesnt make you more important. If humanity wants to survive, we
need to band together and protect each other.

2/1/17
I feel like Im in a rut. Ive felt like this for a while now, maybe 2 or 3 weeks. Is nursing really
what I want to do? Ive been questioning myself more than usual. I knew when I came here that
was 100% what I wanted to do. If Im honest, what I really want to do isnt feasible. I would love
to travel the world and make youtube videos for money. Lately Ive been really into
cinematography. I dont do enough stuff to be able to make videos. All I do is go to class, do
homework, watch tv, and repeat. Is this really how I want my life to be? Always in a fixed
routine with no way to break out? I feel like Im waiting on an amazing opportunity to come my
way. It feels like Im on the edge of a cliff, right at the brink of falling down into the abyss. I
want to fall, but my body doesnt want to let me. I need certainty in my life, everyone does. So
why am I so unsure about the certainty of my choices?

2/6/17
So of course I get a 0 out of 100 on my calendar. Apparently we had to set the calendar to default
which I dont know how to do. My mom said my aunt is sending me birthday money but its not
here yet. I kind of want to buy a new pair of sneakers with it because Ive had my purple Nikes
since tenth grade and theyre worn out. Id use the new shoes to workout in. Honestly, becoming
lactose intolerant is a blessing in disguise. Ive heard before that dairy products arent good for
the human body. Not eating them is hard now, but I think once I get used to it Ill be okay. I
already feel better not eating dairy. My body feels lighter and Im not weighed down all the time.
I need to eat more protein though because I constantly feel hungry. I didnt realize my google
doc didnt have the updated version of my essay that I was supposed to bring today. Also Ive
noticed each time I do this free writing thing I manage to write a few more lines.

2/13/17
I keep getting distracted by all the sniffles around the room. Im so tired today I only got 5 hours
of sleep. Somehow being tired all day and taking sleeping pills made me not tired. Plus my
roommate was snoring which was annoying. I know its not peoples fault when they snore but
its one of my biggest pet peeves because sleep is so important to me. If you interrupt my sleep
youd better run because I will hurt you. Once I kicked my dad for ripping the covers off me and
turning on the light. Only two and a half more weeks until I can go home! Ive never been so
excited to go home, but mostly because I want my hair cut and my wisdom teeth out. My bottom
left tooth is starting to hurt me when I eat.

2/15/17
I finally got my CNA class scheduled for the place I wanted so thats good. Its in Middletown so
its kind of a far drive but oh well. Next I need to schedule my hair appointment which I am very
excited about. For some reason when I tried to put my contacts in today they were so blurry and
it didnt go away for 20 minutes so I had to wear my glasses. Im not really sure what to talk
about today. I had pizza and I dont think my stomach likes it. It makes my body feel gross.
Sometimes its hard not eating dairy because youre craving something with cheese or milk, but
keeping my body healthy is more important. I really need new sports bras because my other ones
dig into my shoulders. My shoulders and inner arms are sore from yoga last night, but I had fun.
I think doing yoga once a week would be good because it improves balance and flexibility,
which I lack. Plus youre allowed to wear tanktops which is really nice because its always hot in
there.

2/20/17
I have a super busy week this week. I cant wait until spring break when I have time to relax and
not worry about chemistry. I set up two tutoring appointments before the test next Thursday
which I think will really help me. I cant afford to fail another test because the only grades in the
class are test grades. If I dont get a B in this class I have to go somewhere else and Id have to
take a semester off because Id miss the date to apply to other schools. I know I can do it I just
need to motivate myself more. I am grateful for all the blessings I have been given and I feel like
I dont say that enough. A few years down the road I will look back on my struggles and see not
only how far Ive come, but how insignificant it really was. I would see that there would be no
reason to stress because everything will be accomplished in the end.
3/1/17
This week is finally almost over and I cant wait. I think the stress of the past couple weeks
caught up with me yesterday because I felt terrible. Ive been so busy studying for chemistry I
havent been eating enough and have been drinking too much coffee. Yesterday I had a large
coffee with a blueberry muffin then felt terrible until after dinner. I got the jitters and couldnt
concentrate. I have my stat test tonight and I hope it all goes well. I know how to do normal
distribution and how to find discrete random variables, but have been having trouble with
binomial distribution.

3/13/17
I finally got my haircut and I feel like a new woman. I also feel different because I got my
wisdom teeth out. Im not even sure how long the healing period is but I know the bottom two
are definitely not healed yet. They still have flaps of gum that come up when I eat or try to clean
and that makes me nervous. Is it supposed to do that? Hopefully I can take a nap when I get back
to my room before stat.

3/15/17
I really dont know what to write about today so I figured Ill just write about my loves. One
huge one is music. Music is a true art form because it allows someone to express their soul and
emotions through lyrics and sounds. You can tell its a good song when you hear the emotion in a
singers voice. I absolutely love how music gives people the freedom to express themselves in a
positive way. Positive self expression is so important and we rarely get the freedom to do this as
we grow older. Thats why I commend people who follow their artistic talents. I still wish I was a
good artist.

3/27/17
Now that Im in college Ive realized how important fitness is to me. Sure, I played sports
throughout school and did some intense workouts, but I always ate whatever I wanted. I was
overeating which was preventing me from seeing the results I wanted. Although Ive only been
working out for a few months now, Ive already seen improvement in my leg and arm muscles. I
think this is from a combination of things. The first would be consistency. I work out 5 days a
week including a yoga session. I think going to yoga is not only increasing my strength but my
balance and flexibility. I definitely plan to continue doing yoga throughout the summer and next
year. I also would love to take a boxing class of some sort, but I dont know if the class they have
here is the sort of thing Im looking for. Another key factor to fitness is eating healthy. I
constantly struggle with this but I try to make good choices with my food. Ive been noticing Im
tired of fast food and I really dont want to eat it anymore.

On a scale from 1-10, I believe I am about a 7 on the open-minded scale. I try to see things from
an opposing view and try to understand why someone believes what they do. There are certain
topics I believe in so strongly I refute anything the other side may say. I believe I need to work
on being more open-minded, but it is an uphill battle. Our world is so divided it is almost
expected of you to chose a side and stick with it. It definitely depends on what topic we are
talking about, but if it is not a topic where I have strong set beliefs, I will most likely read over
the evidence. Once I read the evidence, I will decide if it is worth changing my mind over, but I
would most likely change my mind.

4/3/17
I cant believe its already April. As I get older I find time flies in ways I sometimes dont
appreciate. I worry I sit in school and dont get to be out in the world and explore all it has to
offer. Hopefully it will feel like the blink of an eye and I will be graduating with my BSN, free to
travel as I please. I dont understand the mentality of waiting to travel when you are older. I
intend to be selfish with my younger years and explore the world before being tied to one place
with children. Dont get me wrong, I want to have children more than anything in this world,
Ive known that my whole life. I also know I want to travel and experience new cultures. Of
course I have an order of events I would like for my life to follow, but I have come to an
understanding that life works in mysterious ways and often doesnt turn out exactly the way you
want it to. God has a plan for me and I put my faith in Him. I may be discouraged at times and
feel things arent going my way. I really try to be optimistic and strongly believe everything
happens for a reason. I was put on this Earth for a specific purpose, even if I havent discovered
it yet. I do believe I was put here to help people, but I dont know exactly in what way. It could
be nursing or it could be something completely different. I know putting a smile on someones
face is something I will never get tired of doing.

I learned that you have to look at more than one article to see if the information is credible. It is
important to check who is funding that article or organization because they could be feeding lies
to people just to get money from big corporations. I didnt learn anything about myself because I
already believed in climate change. I guess one thing I learned is to check multiple sources. In
the future, I will look into who is writing the article to see if that person has the proper
credentials.

4/5/17
Its raining outside and my umbrella is broken, so thats how my day is going. I shouldnt
complain, I had my rain jacket to keep me semi-dry. I dont know what to write. I know that this
is a free writing journal, but I feel like I should actually just call it a journal because I write all
my thoughts in here anyway. When I was younger I had a bad problem with secrets. I hated
them. I always wanted to know everything. Every year I would find the christmas presents then
get disappointed because I didnt get everything I wanted. I dont know what made me do it but
it was like I would go crazy if I didnt look. It was like an invisible force was pulling me towards
it.

4/10/17
Its crazy to think about how the year is almost over. It feels like just yesterday I moved in. Im
excited for the year to be over, but not excited about summer school. Hopefully this will be the
first and last time I have to do summer school. I dont know how chemistry is going but if I dont
get a B I dont know what Ill do. I dont want to leave my school. Although this wasnt my first
choice, I wouldnt trade it for anything. I love my school and the amazing friends Ive made
here. Im thankful to have Avery as my workout buddy because Ive found working out to be a
healthy way to release stress. I just have to work on my diet. I am tired of eating fast food, but it
is hard to eat healthy without a kitchen to prepare food in. I hope next year to have healthy food
the majority of the time. Overall, I think my first year at college has been a success and I am
happy.

4/17/17
Its the last free writ of the year. Ive actually enjoyed free writing. Its basically like keeping a
journal but not stopping to think about what to write next. I may continue to do this in the future.
I cant believe how quickly the year is coming to a close. I feel like I still have so many things I
need to do. I should probably make a to-do list or write in my planner so I dont forget. I dont
know how chemistry is going to go and Im actually very worried about it. What am I going to
do if I cant make a B? I dont want to leave my life here, but I know changing my major isnt
what I want. I dont know what will happen but all I can do is try my best and if that doesnt
work, Ill know it is Gods plan for me to go somewhere else. Sometimes life doesnt go exactly
the way you might want it to. Ive learned to accept these things and move on. I had to learn
there is a difference between not working hard and things happening out of my control. If you sit
back and dont work for what you want, then it is your fault that it didnt happen.