Comments

Yasmin, you pose a lot of interesting ideas and questions in this paper, but the

organization/development of ideas is somewhat unclear. By this, I mean that you offer a lot in the way

of information on both sides of the controversy, and while it is a great idea to incorporate the arguments

of the opposing side, but by the end of the introduction, a reader should be able to tell what side of the

argument you are on, and there is no thesis firmly asserting your position on the issue. It is clear by the

middle of the paper that you do not believe stem cell research is ethical, but the information you are

citing doesnt support this idea. In the end, the ideas are somewhat fragmented because there isnt a

thesis that ties everything together in a neat, cohesive package. Fortunately, you will have a chance to

revisit this essay for the portfolio at the end of the semester, and I suggest making an appointment with

a writing tutor in the Writing Center in LARC 229 if you need any assistance in further developing

your ideas. Feel free to email me or drop in during my office hours, as well. I look forward to seeing

how this paper transforms!

Holly Batty , May 18 at 10:50pm